OT - How can someone give up?

[Gwalyn]

Well guys I just need a place to vent right now because I am pretty lost at the moment. My wife told me this past week that she is cashing in her chips on our marriage. I still don't know why either.

We have grown apart the last couple of years working towards the place we finally achieved financially. Now that we reached the spot, she is packing it in. To make matters worse there is a beautiful 3 year old girl in the middle of it.

I will tell you I feel like a have been hit by a truck several times this week. Once when she asked me to leave the house, the second when she told me she is quitting and the third when I had to leave my daughter after spending the day with her yesterday. We both love each other and it would be so much easier if it wasn't the case. Hell she called me last night to make sure I was doing ok and that just makes it harder. We have alot of things to work out, but I just don't want to talk to her right now.

So now I have come to a point in my life where I need to make some decisions based on me and not my family. I have been making decisions based on my family for some time now and I really don't know what I want out of life at the moment. Part of me wants to run from everything and flee the country and the other part wants to remain responsible and continue with my path that I chose prior to everything occuring.

Like I said, i just wanted to vent. I don't expect anyone to respond but I just had to air some things in front of others, for some reason it helps. Sorry if I depressed anyone.

[DolphinFan1]

Sorry to hear that man. My prayers are with you.

[Buccaneer]

We have grown apart the last couple of years working towards the place we finally achieved financially.

And that seems to be the primary reason for many breakups. It is something we all have to be aware of (including me) but I just we, as a society, were not so driven and focused on material and financial status to where it becomes the goal for a marriage or a family. My heart goes out to you because it is so easy of a trap to fall into.

[Franklinnoble]

Ornery-Bucc makes a good point - same thing basically happened to my first marriage.

But that doesn't really help now. Nothing is over yet - there's still a chance that there might be an opportunity to reconcile things; but it would be prudent to get counseling.

Also, not that you want to hear this right now, but I eventually found out my ex wife was having an affair with some guy at her office. If that's already happened, your marriage is all over but the screaming - and you're best finding out if there was infidelity involved, because, frankly, that will help you in the divorce.

[JonInMiddleGA]

Sorry Bucc but without the specifics of Gwalyn's situation (which FTR I'm not asking for), I'd still say that there's generally an undue amount of blame placed on "focusing on finances" when it comes to "growing apart".

In the large majority of cases I'm familiar with, the finances are just a handy excuse for something that would have happened anyway, usually because the couple had little in common to begin with.

Again, to be clear -- I have no idea about the poster's specific situation, I'm just commenting generally on the general comment.

[Gwalyn]

What is really driving me crazy is that I don't know what happened and I don't know what I am going to do with myself. I like my current job but I pretty much took the job because of my family and it is just coincidental I enjoy it. I have thought about quitting the job and going back to school and even leaving the country but I can't leave my daughter.

You are right, finances are an easy scapegoat. Maybe we don't ahve anything in common, but throwing six years out the window without trying to resolve the issues together seems absurd to me.

I wish I could pinpoint something of why it happened because losing everything in the matter of two weeks is rough. Answers would be nice and if there was some kind of infidelity it would make it easier, but there wasn't at least to my knowledge. I can actually say yesterday was the first time I felt hatred towards her when I had to leave my daughter when she was crying for me not to leave. Noone should be asked to endure that.

[GrantDawg]

Don't let it go yet. Get into to marriage therapy. Do all that you can to convince her that is the way to go. Even if you don't succeed, you'll never regret trying.

[Blackadar]

Given my own history, I can understand and you have my sympathies.

One question, though. She says she's calling it quits but asked you to move out or did I read that wrong?

[Tekneek]

This stuff stinks. Are we going to see these kinds of threads every week now? :(

My parents called it off when I was 19. I definitely do not want to follow that path.

[ISiddiqui]

Yeah, I second the try for marriage therapy. Do whatever you can, so you won't have any regrets about this period. Who knows why she wanted call it off, but many therapy can help draw it out and perhaps fix it.

[rexallllsc]

Hire a private investigator.

[thealmighty]

Sorry to hear.

You both need to remember, ALWAYS, what is most important... your 3-year old daughter.

I have 3 daughters and, while I do not know what it would be like to be away from them, I do hope that I would always do what is best for them first, not best for me.

[Qwikshot]

I'm in a similar situation. My gf and I have dated and lived together for 3 years, but it has rapidly fallen apart, to the point of her moving out...not a big deal except that we share a 2.5 year old daughter. It would be alright except that my daughter is not really my daughter, when I dated my gf, she was about 6 mos. pregnant (I had known her for a year prior). Things went well up until about 6 months ago, now they are at a point where we have to be apart for a while...but the worst part is that I have a 2 year old who calls me "daddy" who I love and adore (the birth father has not been in contact ever) and I have no legal right to her...very troubling.

[Noop]

:(

noop

[Fritz]

this has been a bad summer for the FOFCers.

[cthomer5000]

Originally posted by Fritz
this has been a bad summer for the FOFCers.

my thoughts exactly.

[IMetTrentGreen]

lets start a support group

FOFCingles

[lynchjm24]

Originally posted by Tekneek
This stuff stinks. Are we going to see these kinds of threads every week now? :(

My parents called it off when I was 19. I definitely do not want to follow that path.

I believe it's the fourth one I've read this week.

[sterlingice]

As someone who hasn't gone through anything such as this (I have a girlfriend but no marriage or anything), all I can offer is sympathy. Hope this works out of the best in the end.

SI

[Raven]

You can't leave the country, especially considering you have your daughter here.

After a bad breakup, everyone wants to "run". The problem is you can run away from everyone else, but you can't run away from your own feelings and thoughts. Those things are going to trouble you no matter where you are.

If you enjoy your job AND the money is good, you better keep it. A lot of people hate their jobs, or just don't make enough money. So you are in a good position there. Besides, work is going to be one of the primary things to keep you busy until your situation starts clearing up a little more.