A Complete Waste of Time and Space---Season 3

[The Afoci]

With The Afoci still missing, the Fighting Crawfish start the season with an easy cup win and an easy league win. The club is in an odd situation right now as well, they have close to 300K in the bank, the stadium is currently being upgraded to 40K seats and they are clearly the best team in their league. What could cause The Afoci to just vanish? Could someone have just kidnapped him and used him as a sexual slave because he is so hot and sexy? Could he have been kidnapped by aliens and now be doing his own anal probes on them? Could he have gotten drunk and fell into a well? Could he have just went on vacation and not told anyone? Could he be there, but been shrunk like in the 'Honey I shrunk the...' movies? Could he have done a cartwheel off the edge of the world? Could he have met the transvestite of his dreams and ran off with him/her? Could the evil NCR's taken him in hopes of having a great leader for their squad instead of the lousy Ardent? Only time will tell...

Read what has happened up to here,

Chapter One: Crawfish Love (http://dynamic2.gamespy.com/%7Efof/forums/showthread.php?s=&threadid=6965)

The Second Chapter (http://dynamic2.gamespy.com/%7Efof/forums/showthread.php?s=&threadid=11858)

Chapter 3---Reborn…somewhat. (http://dynamic2.gamespy.com/%7Efof/forums/showthread.php?s=&threadid=14360)

[Poli]

I would take you, but I only take things of value. :)

PS. You're not ready for D3 ball yet. :)

[The Afoci]

Black Market Pogo Sticks

Now today started like any other day at The New Fighting Crawfish Arena and Training Complex, Marmel was testing his new Rubber Dogs figuring that if the dog was rubber, he wouldn't need one. "You better guard your daughters or they will be" Les "their" Cherry"s" was using a straight razor blade scraping puss away from his privates getting ready for the next Operation Infection. Chris Gaines was dressed like a rock star walking around with a glass of everclear he is sipping as he walks by people screaming "ROCK ON!" He eventually stops next to his guitar and begins to cry as he does an acoustic rendition of 'Iron Man' while ending the song crying to himself on how misunderstood a large man of iron could be.

But it was today that brought some different things that no one expected. Out of a mist that was created by his entourage straying water from small squirt bottles, walked a man wrapped in an American Flag. The GI Joe theme song was played over the loud speaker as Coach Gruber walked to the center of the training complex and began to dance a dance similar to Rocky on the steps. As the crowd of players and staff encircled the great Coach, he spread his arms with the flag held in each hand. A great awe came over the crowd. He was butt ass naked, minus the flag. But it wasn't the nakedness that they feared, no, it was common place around here, it was something else. Something different that the black coach had. It was tough to put your finger on...because it was so small...and white!

It was about that same time that the sound of a giant spring could be heard in the distance. As people looked at where it was coming from, the voices in the crowd began openly wondering, is that The Afoci? As the man approached them, his legs spread, appeared to be bouncing on a pogo stick, but had no pogo stick. He had a large black protrusion from his zipper that appeared he was bouncing on. As he got closer, it became very clear who the man was, it was The Afoci! He begun to speak!

"Ladies and Gentleman" he started with as he stood up, still having the large black protrusion from his open zipper, "I have been gone with little to no explanation for most of you. I have come here today to explain my absence. It all began a few weeks ago when I left to go to Canada to begin a Grass Roots campaign for the U-20 Coach. Sadly, I got too much into the grass part and not so much into the roots part. I received 4 votes somehow, but that isn't the important part right now. A man I know, a man I trust somehow tricked the entire USA population into voting him as the USA U-20 Coach. As to protect the innocent in this story, I will only refer to him as TargetPractice. Now this is where the story gets a little odd. Coach Gruber is a great coach, but only one of many in the USA. He knew that with this 'in' we have on the U-20 Coach now, it was his chance to become a National Level coach. I didn't want this to happen originally. I figured it would take too much time from his duties here. I was then contacted by TargetPractice about getting Coach on the squad. I was hesitant, but eventually agreed...after talking to Coach personally. His desire for being a National Level Coach was so great, he said he would give up anything! I had an idea. Being a white boy from Fargo ND didn't necessarily make me the porn star I wanted to be, but I had chance now as I had access to a Real Life Black Man's Penis! After Coach awoke from fainting he agreed. Now a penis transplant isn't necessarily the most common thing. We had to travel to Canada to find a surgeon willing to go through with the surgery. After weeks of rehabilitation and numerous masturbation accidents where we both ripped them off in critical moments of it, along with me occasionally having tug of war battles with a flushing urinal, we were able to return to society. Just in time for the First Cup Game of the Season!"

Marmel quickly approaches The Afoci, avoiding the large black protrusion coming from his open zipper to inform him he missed the first cup match and first regular season match. Confused, The Afoci looked around and mumbled something before screaming "Lets kick some ass!"

Cheers filled the complex as they prepared for tonight’s match.

[TargetPractice6]

to protect the innocent in this story, I will only refer to him as TargetPractice

:D

[The Afoci]

After another victory in the Cup and a Training update that was uneventful, The Afoci had gone missing again! Marmel begun the man hunt. He searched high and low. He searched near and far. He found nothing.

It was early in the morning, he finally heard something. The noise he heard was a faint 'help'.... Marmel went towards the ever louder "help!" It appeared to be coming from a place he never wanted to go to. A place he told himself he would never go into. A place any dog loving, peanut butter connoisseur would avoid. The Honey Love Store/Glory Hole. Now everyone knows the epic battles that have occured in the past between the great good, peanut butter, and the great evil, honey. What would The Afoci be doing in the Honey Love Store/Glory Hole?

"It was the penis!" screams The Afoci as Marmel approached him. "I couldn't stop it, it love Honey and after I smeared it in it got stuck in this hole. Lord help me. I promise, no more bad stuff if you give me back my penis. I like it. I never got to use it on a human. Lord help me."

Marmel just turns and walks out. He comes back a few minutes later carrying a large case.

"What are you going to do with that gas powered dildo?" asks The Afoci, scared.

"The dildo use to be a chain saw, I will just convert it back and cut you out," says Marmel.

After a few minutes of cutting and 'selective trimming', The Afoci is free. The two embrace as close as the penis would allow them too.

[Poli]

Note to self: Stay away from North Dakota.

[robbgmaier]

*wondering where the cocky and funny joke will come from*

[Poli]

*bites his thumb in the general direction of North Dakota*

[The Afoci]

As the team celebrated another victory, 4-0 this time, The Afoci and Marmel tended to the most important business that either one could think of. Counting the cash. Now, as rare as a situation as it is for the Crawfish, they have become use to having the money. Almost $500K in the bank. There was only one problem, how to get the cash back.

Now a normal person would realize that all you have to do is ask for it, neither The Afoci or Marmel had the smarts for that.

"Fetch me the evil plans file from the cabinet" said The Afoci calmly as he stepped away from a twelve foot tall triple loop anti-glaucoma machine to a servant that was a beautiful girl dressed up as albino gorilla. "No, not that empty file, I think that one is the file we keep the DIII wins from the North County Raiders in. Yeah, blow the dust off it before putting it back in the cabinet. Okay now, the evil plan file is the really heavy one. Right there."

Now as the servant reached for the file, dressed as an albino gorilla, the trap worked perfectly. She couldn't pick the file up, as hard as she tried.

Both Marmel and The Afoci began laughing hysterically. She turned towards them, giving them a weird look.

"All the evil plans are up here" says The Afoci as he points to his head. "An evil plan folder, all the new ones fall for that one. Idiots. Now leave!!!!"

She scurries out and the two begin discussing Operation: Get our Cash out of the Bank because the Strippers like Ones! Now the layout of the bank was rather simple. A walk in lobby that was circular, the vault was in the back on the left side as you walked in was the drive thru. As they both laughed at the ease of the plan, the genius of it, Marmel walked to the window over looking the city, the bank and laughed as he spoke. "Tomorrow, our money will be ours!"

As the sun began to come up, Marmel's Lassie Nightlight provided the all the light that was need to show those involved in the mission the plans. It was a simply brilliant plan that involved 3 Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws, Marmel, The Afoci, two facemasks, and 2 GI Joe Camouflage Halloween Costumes.

As the Delta Force, as they called themselves began to move into position for Operation: Get our Cash out of the Bank because the Strippers like Ones!, they each gave one last look at each other before putting the masks on. Now, they both decided on President Masks, but the store was sold out of Clinton and Nixon ones.

"Who are you?" asks Marmel to The Afoci.

"I am Grover Cleveland" he replies. "Who are you?"

"I am Martin Van Buren!" he snaps, "Why Grover?"

"He served split terms from 1885-1889 and 1893-1897. He took four years off to get the groupies and went back four more to get some more. Why Martin?"

"If you have to ask you will never understand. He was only the greatest President to serve from 1837-1841!"

"Sorry. Let’s get going, it is getting too light."

The both move into position. The Afoci is positioned near the drive thru. The first person to go thru it will provide the in that is needed. As the drawer comes out, The Afoci will position a Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws inside of it. Once inside, he will meet up with the two Marmel will put inside the front door. They will then kill everyone on the inside and they will get their money.

The both meet at the rendezvous point after completing phase one. After they make sure neither will get glaucoma, they proceed towards the front door and bust in! What a surprise as everyone inside is still alive. An old lady screams near the door and falls over. "Its Grover Cleveland and Martin Van Buren!"

The Afoci and Marmel stop in the center of the circular lobby. The Afoci whispers to Marmel, act natural, no one has any clue what is going on. Now, as common as it can be in certain areas, in Fargo, two men in a bank with President Masks and GI Joe Camouflage Halloween Costumes on is rather rare. Everyone was looking at them. Marmel, trying to act natural asked where the little boys room was. No response. The silence of the bank was only broken by the munching sound coming from behind the counter. That is where 3 Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws were eating the candy given out to the children.

Now what happens to our heroes? Do they get the money? Do they die in a bloody shoot out? Do they do something no one expects? Tune in next time to find out....

"I am Jesus!" Screams The Afoci, "I have come for the money!"

Laughing, one of the clerks screams "Grover Cleveland isn't Jesus!"

Marmel and The Afoci meet in the middle and begin discussing what to do. "She is good" says Marmel. They talk some more and then The Afoci speaks again. "We don't care, we still want the money!"

This time nearly all the clerks are laughing. One pushes a button and some bullet proof glass encircles the clerks and locks the doors. They are now trapped in the bank. "We are calling the Police dumbasses!"

"She is good" says Marmel again.

"I got a plan" says The Afoci. He tells Marmel and they both began to strip. They are both completely naked on top of the GI Joe Camouflage Halloween Costumes with masks for heads. As the Police show up they walk up to them and explain that they would have had the crooks if it wasn't for their ability to be disappear. Oddly, the Police didn't buy it.

They were taken away in cuffs and thrown in the slammer. Is this the end of our heroes? Will they never get to take over the world? Will they get ass raped by Bubba, end up liking prison and never leave? Will the come up with a plan to get out? Will they find some clothes? Tune in next time to find out!

[Poli]

Phase 1 complete.

[sterlingice]

Hey, ardent, check out his next cup opponent. ;)

YOU'RE MINE, BITCH!
(and by that I mean: if you can beat my B Team you will be going onto the next round)

SI

[The Afoci]

Did that just happen?

The brisk wind from the Fargo ND winters awake our two heroes. The Afoci is the first to stir. Marmel moves shortly after. The Afoci wearing his Mr. Big reunion tour T-shirt and Marmel wearing a pair of mittens that are covered in a glazed frosting type substance. As The Afoci jumps off the top bunk of the Space Ship bed set, something odd happens. He feels he doesn't belong. He tries to wake Marmel.

"What, no, I didn't I, the gloves are stopping me from playing with my..." Marmel starts before awaking and realizing where he is.

They both look left. Then they look right. Then at each other. They take a few steps out of their room and up the stairs towards the practice field. The players are all running back and forth with Crawfish attached to their sacks. Coach is yelling at them something about how in the world they could lose a match in a league they should dominate.

Confused, the too look at each other. It is if everything that happened, the jail, the bank robbery, the tossed salad with strawberry jelly, gone. Marmel's prison tat that said 'bad ass' was gone. I guess you sometimes need a warning label when someone doesn't handle the prisons Mexican meal day properly.

The Afoci screamed as he noticed his money was gone as well. His small fortune had been reduced to some debt again. Some guy pulled into the facilities in a H2 Hummer. Music blasting. He steps out, gold chains shine. Hornsmaniac_2? No, who is this new guy. Neither Marmel or The Afoci had seen him before. He steps out on the field and into the goal. The first kick comes at him and he cartwheels to it to block it. He does the same for three more until one slips by him. Calmly, the man leaves the goal. He walks to his bag grabs a Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws and walks to the guy who scored on him. With a scream the man drops to the ground in agony. His sack severed from his body he is drug off the field.

"No one scores on Michal Gasienica." He says and goes back to the goal. No more shots were sent in his direction. His skills seemed Excellent to say the least.

It is like everything that happened that day didn't and it was redone to an all new effect. But that could never happen, could it.

[Side note]

SI and I are going to have a cup match in a day or two. I wouldn't suggest no funny stuff. You pull a piece on me during a Cup match and I will take it from you and put it up your ass and pull the trigger till it goes click. That is right, nobody fucks with the Jesus.

[/Side note]

[sterlingice]

I think there's someone gunning for you. I've found another team breeding animals with superpowers, trying to take down your monopoly. It's "Stealthcows" (57389) in England. He even has press announcements with titles like "The Plan is complete."

http://bigmoomoo.users.btopenworld.com/stealthcow2.jpg

SI

[Poli]

You're in trouble now, son.

[The Afoci]

TP, now that Ardent and CW had a sleepover, when you coming to Fargo?

2 playmaking bumps, one my 24 year old who will be sold after the cup and one an 18 year old.

[TargetPractice6]

I don't know. Fargo scares me. Maybe if you promise that there will be no crawfish attached to my sack...

[The Afoci]

Originally posted by TargetPractice6
I don't know. Fargo scares me. Maybe if you promise that there will be no crawfish attached to my sack...

Can't make no promises. In the heat of the moment, one thing leads to another and someone has a Crawfish attached to their sack. Love does weird things.

[The Afoci]

"Jude was scared of us!" screams The Afoci! "He was so scared, that he left the club he was going to stay at forever!"

The team is gathered in front of The Afoci waiting for tonight’s match against the Yuma Bulldogs. Jude-less of course after they sold the best keeper in the world so that The Mighty Fighting Crawfish wouldn't attach a Crawfish to his sack. Now hopefully the news that they bought a 6 million dollar midfielder within the last few days won't reach them prior to the game. Because if it does, there is a decent chance that the team will know that its chances of winning have dropped a bit. Then again an angry Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws is a deadly one. Perhaps the news will inspire the team to win after a player valued greater than this entire squad will be facing them today.

The Afoci walks away from the players after he gave his usual pregame pep talk. A few players were crying, but that is expected after being told that a loss today would mean that everyone would be enjoying a testicle smoothie tomorrow. Yep, losing your testicles to a blender will do that to a man, make him cry that is. Hopefully, it can make them win, but anyway, yes, The Afoci was walking away, Marmel at his side, scratching his genital region just like normal. No pointy stick, just his hand this time though.

"Its improving!" screams Marmel, speaking of the open sores that generally cover his genital regions, "Peanut Butter works! I must speak with Chavez "the Dope Finding" Dog.

"You can't" replies The Afoci, "He has been sent on a secret mission. He will be back soon, then and only then can you see him." The Afoci, with a nervous look on his face then turns to Marmel and tells him to come with him. The walk to the candy store and buy some pixie sticks and grab a mirror. "This is pure North Dakota sugar baby" says The Afoci as he chops it up into a few lines. "It gives you the best sugar rush, better than that Florida crap" He snorts it, looks up to the ceiling. "Dear God, I needed that." They spent the rest of the day playing Top Gun out in the yard. The Afoci was Maverick and Marmel was Goose. Losing Goose after ejecting was roleplayed by Maverick grabbing Goose by his shirt and running him head first into a tree. Then with blood pouring out of Gooses head, Maverick turns and runs away and pretends he doesn't see anything.

As gametime approaches, a couple things are left unsolved. Will the Crawfish pick up another defender before the game because of injuries and bad form? Where is Chavez "the Dope Finding" Dog and what is he doing? Will Marmel survive running head first into a tree after trying to reenact a scene from TopGun? Find out next time
!

[The Afoci]

Rumors are swirling about a legend being signed by the club. More is expected soon...

[Poli]

Jerome is not for sale. Ever. Quit asking, and quit sending me peanut butter.

[The Afoci]

Notes

I am sorry I haven't updated this a bunch lately. I have been sick and I also got engaged on Friday. Trying to find the ring and whatnot has taken a bunch of time, but everything should be back to normal soon.

I also beat Yuma and advanced to round six for the first time ever. I play GM-Idigum in a game that could be a win. I can't decide whether I should MOTS or not. My league is easy wins until the Orcs again who will get full starters and maybe a MOTS just to prove a point.

Now find out where Chavez "the Dope Finding" Dog was...

The Legend Begins...

As The Afoci tended to an ejected "Goose", Chavez "the Dope Finding" Dog came running up. He was followed by a burly man. This man had some blood around his lips and long shaggy hair. He had in his hand what appeared to be a bone with some raw meat on it that he was eating as he came up.

"Chavez, who the hell is this?" asks The Afoci.

"He is someone who will help bring Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Klauws..I mean Claws to the world." starts Chavez "the Dope Finding" Dog. "He is a machine of sorts, a destroyer, a barbarian. He would take his own mother out, and not just for the sex, but to kill her."

"Interesting..." says The Afoci as he turns towards the man. "What is your name?"

"Me...Helmut..." says the man.

"Quite a talker I can see," says The Afoci.

As The Afoci checked into the strange mans history, he found that up until about a week ago, no one knew anything about him. He appeared to come from nowhere. What was this mysterious mans story? What was his name? Luckily, they found his name on the inside of his underwear. It simply said this. "This is the one and only pair of underwear belonging to Helmut van der Klauw".

His first match was against Yuma when he received a yellow card after thirty some minutes into the game. As a defender the man is a freak. He often is screaming and has been known to head butt people just because he is bored. After a more thorough examination of this man beast, a tattoo was found on his ass. It was the logo of the North County Raiders. Had he been tortured by Punkin and his boy toy, Coffee el stupid head. Was he created by them and sent to the Crawfish to destroy them? Had he just stumbled into the wrong cowboy bar? Only time will tell...

Edit because I am playing GM-Idigum not GM-George.

[Coffee Warlord]

We already have a plant in your organization, Afoci. There is no need for us to recruit Helmut.

Don't sleep. Ever.

[The Afoci]

Originally posted by Coffee Warlord
We already have a plant in your organization, Afoci. There is no need for us to recruit Helmut.

Don't sleep. Ever.

I wouldn't sleep, but I already smoked the plant you planted and it makes me sleepy. Also hungry.

[Coffee Warlord]

Curious at all as to why Chavez didn't find that dope I planted?

Perhaps your beloved Dope Finding Dog isn't as loyal as you think, Crawdad Boy!

[The Afoci]

"Me Helmut van der Klauw! Me no like idea of chance of losing in cup to guy who knows Goonies. Me mother was a bad lady in that movie. Me no like Goonies none. Me break game that make me lose. Helmut van der Klauw break whole world if he has to to not lose cup game to Goonies..." says The Afoci to Marmel as he reads the note left on the door to the Secret Hideout not so far from the New Fighting Crawfish Arena.

"This can't be good" says Marmel. "Chavez "the Dope Finding" Dog is missing too."

[The Afoci]

This is the story of a Real Black Man's Penis that was attached to a white man named The Afoci. He scared the small children and eager old whores with a wicked rod of flesh. I pole to vault from street to street, an erection, he would walk tall. Now big and small and short and tall could see the man in white, but all came to know that once it snowed, The Afoci would lose his might. So a jacket, a sweater, a mitten, a glove, a hat, a bat, and a small place mat he gathered to construct a holster for this bolstering piece of manhood. After days of work and hours of sleep that was induced by sex alone, the man exposed to the world his mighty Real Black Man's Penis covered in a robe. Now warm and strong, he hit his bong and decides that rhyming hard. Ironic.

[The Afoci]

Me Helmut van der Klauw. Me have been told that if me get mean and bite man in leg again in match, me no get to play next match after that one. That make Helmut van der Klauw mad...

"This boy ain't right" says The Afoci looking at the ground where this message is written in the blood of a donkey.

"Yep" says Marmel "But boy can he play. 2-1 over the Goon's, who would have thought we would be in round 7 of the Cup this year?"

[The Afoci]

Chris Gaines passes the pipe to his left as he strums the sweet guitar of "Dear Mr. Fantasy" by Traffic. The scene produces a Rich Eisen commercial of sorts. As The Afoci gets his Real Life Black Man's Penis stuck in the pitching machine to the lyrics, "Dr. MmmmRrrrr FanTisSSEEE..." Marmel lightly nads his head to the onlooking TargetPractice6 who is losing in paper rock scissors to a man who lost both arms in a combine in '31, who then nods to Ardent and Coffee la StupidFartKnockerHead embracing while AE is dressed in a Barney outfit and CW stands proudly as Rafael, the misunderstood Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle. Punkin would be proud.

Never pee in a jug you plan to drink out of. Apple Juice really is made from Apples.

[The Afoci]

The party is on going after a huge upset of Drunk and Disorderly in the Cup. Updates will start again next week.

[Poli]

Note to self: Show punkin that others have referenced to her.

[The Afoci]

To Whom It May Concern:

I write this to you all with the hope that I will be back soon. I am still in negotiations with the proper people to get me back to you. Nasty Nate has assured my Real Life Black Man’s Penis and the rest of me a safe escort from this place.

The reason for my absence is a complex story. It has many ins and outs. I am not sure where to start. I suppose the beginning would be good, but I can’t really remember that, so I will start where I remember. I am The Afoci. Boy born to a Lefse Maker Mother and Evil Ruler Father. Wait, you know this already. Hmm… Let me start again. It was a cold day in Fargo ND when a bunch of Drunk and Disorderly people arrived to The New Fighting Crawfish Arena expecting a light workout prior to some more difficult upcoming games. They left on the other end of a screwing worthy of a pornsmith of the year award. Anal Category. After selling two players for the total of 2 million US dollars, I went in search for the thing that has brought me here. As the signs went up, the pressure did as well. The simple sign read as follows:

Wanted: 17 year old male who would like to play with my balls. He must have at least a solid ability at this or and excellent ability to play with them on the outside. Being able to stop other peoples balls from getting in my goal is a plus. The ability to move my balls into the goal and to people who can put them in the goal a plus as well. Call The Afoci.

The search continues…

The Afoci.
Evil leader of Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws
Soccer Club Owner and GM
Current Prison Bitch of Young Hot Prison Bitches, Inc. Western Edition.

[Poli]

Forever allied with Hulsey against the evil that is NCR.



Should I mention that the North County Raiders have forced Hulsey and the Razors into folding?

[The Afoci]

Should I mention that the North County Raiders have forced Hulsey and the Razors into folding?

Savage.

[Poli]

Turns out, it's a good thing. I can use his seats to upgrade my stadium for half the price! All I have to do is spray paint them to fit my team colors!

[The Afoci]

To whom it may concern:

I heard some great things from the outside today. I might be able to get out of here soon. I have a plan. I can't get into it much, but I expect that this will be the last weekend I spend in this hell hole. Lets just say this plan is as explosive as my diarrhea after eating Mexican night in the shower rooms. Don't ask. Being a white man from the Mean Streets of Hawley with a Real Life Black Man's Penis can be difficult when showering. People don't understand the troubles this can bring. I miss the feeling of Jif on me, the touch of a dogs tongue. So rough. Got to go. Time to go to my synchronized swimming practice. I get to be the center piece.

[Poli]

doomed

[The Afoci]

The breakout didn't go as well as planned. Sadly I am still being hit up like a sailor. I guess my boyish good looks and my love for the New Kids on the Block are looked at as negatives in here. That and that fact that I was searching for 17 year old boys. I guess everything has a bright side and now I don't have to struggle to poop. In fact, sometimes I don't even know when it happens. At least not until I smell it. My shoes smell odd. Until I can get out, The Afoci in jail.

In unrelated Hattrick News

The Crawfish easily advanced in their latest league match, 8-0. It was the first time all three middies had 4 stars in the same match. Currently the team is saving up some money to buy a formidable defender with some experience. With only two weeks until the upcoming MOTS, revenge match against the Orcs. I need a big win to advance, so it isn't good that they now have a Outstanding+ keeper who will probably be close to Brilliant by the time we play. Hopefully my offense will be in as good of form as it is now...

[The Afoci]

Fargo Forum

Local soccer star arrested last night

Local soccer star Helmut van der Klauw was arrested last night after the horrible 8-1 defeat in the FOFC Cup to the South Bay Saints. Police aren't saying what he did, but numerous dogs, llamas, chinchillas, and cats were reported vandalized. The vandals reportedly shaved the animals and most of them had peanut butter on their lips.

Also, we recieved numerous reports of a hairy beast that went around dry humping most import cars. Renaults were the hardest hit. The hairy animal/human/soccer player? was caught with his penis stuck in a tail pipe.

More to come as we get it...

[Poli]

What are you getting?

[The Afoci]

What are you getting?

Magic writing potion.

[Poli]

You don't have enough drugs already?