Bonegavel
12-26-2003, 08:58 AM
To set this up, my mother (66 yrs old) is perhaps the nicest, most sincere person I have ever known in my life. She gets offended when I take the lord's name in vain. The most vile word I have ever heard her utter was "manure" in one of the few fits of anger I have witnessed. When I lived at home and the phone would ring, if I would tell her that "I'm not home", she would make me go outside because she wasn't going to lie for me. She never ever understands a dirty joke. Never misses church. I could go on ad naseum.
(the story, recounted to me by my father, is a first hand account. My dad is none of the above.)
My mother walks up to the counter of Store-X and upon being asked "how may I help you" by a twenty-something clerk my mother replies with:
"Do you carry vibrators?"
Caught off guard, the young woman replies, "Pardon me?" A slight smile attacks one side of her mouth. She may have started blushing.
"You know, a vibrator. And I want a heavy duty one." my dad believes he heard my mom purse her lips while making a humming sound.
At this point, other people in line are overhearing this converstation and have suddenly started paying more attention to my mom. Aware of the snickering by anyone in earshot, my dad seriously contemplates melting into the floor like the T-1000 from Terminator 2. Amazingly enough, this converstation lasted a few more rounds with my mother's voice only getting louder as if the increased volume will help the girl understand.
Finally, my mother made a motion of rubbing her neck and the girl finally said, "oh, you mean massager."
True to form, my mother smiled and replied, "Yes. A vibrator."
(the story, recounted to me by my father, is a first hand account. My dad is none of the above.)
My mother walks up to the counter of Store-X and upon being asked "how may I help you" by a twenty-something clerk my mother replies with:
"Do you carry vibrators?"
Caught off guard, the young woman replies, "Pardon me?" A slight smile attacks one side of her mouth. She may have started blushing.
"You know, a vibrator. And I want a heavy duty one." my dad believes he heard my mom purse her lips while making a humming sound.
At this point, other people in line are overhearing this converstation and have suddenly started paying more attention to my mom. Aware of the snickering by anyone in earshot, my dad seriously contemplates melting into the floor like the T-1000 from Terminator 2. Amazingly enough, this converstation lasted a few more rounds with my mother's voice only getting louder as if the increased volume will help the girl understand.
Finally, my mother made a motion of rubbing her neck and the girl finally said, "oh, you mean massager."
True to form, my mother smiled and replied, "Yes. A vibrator."