What Do You Do?

[Neuqua]

If you find out that your best friend (who is only 18 years old) has cancer?

My head is spinning.

[Vince]

I'm really sorry to hear that. I'm 22, and my best friend died of cancer a year and a half ago (he was my age). It's not easy...

:(

His name was Jonathan Broderick, and we taught swim lessons together in High School. It was so tough...we always joked about skin cancer, because we were out in the sun all the time...and he died from complications due to skin cancer. It hit me like a ton of bricks...and to this day, I really don't know how to handle it. We used to hang out every day in high school...I mean seriously, if a day went by and we didn't talk, it was weird. He knew my whole family really well, and I his. It's just so wrong...he was way too young. By the time we found out he had it, he was at UC San Diego, and I at UC Santa Barbara. We didn't hang out so much anymore, and didn't really talk as much. So I didn't have to deal with the day to day stuff. It took me until only a few months ago when I actually dealt with his death, I think...my great uncle died, and over the weekend of the services, I kind of handled both his death and my buddy Jonathan's. It was so tough...

[SirFozzie]

You be there for them.

[hukarez]

Ditto with SirFozzie.

My good friend lives up in northern California; and when I heard she was diagnosed with leukemia, it was a heart breaker. She's undergone therapy and all, and I believe she's in remission...but don't let them fade away, by not picking up their calls or returning them, etc.

Always keep in touch!

[CamEdwards]

you pray, you hang out with them, you try and be as positive as you can be... and you treasure every moment.

[Sun Tzu]

My best friend (Harry) who is pretty much a brother to me has already had a bad experience with those close to him having Cancer. A couple years ago he learned that his first love, a gal named Kay, had been diagnosed with Cancer. They had not been on speaking terms because...well...Kay wasn't really that great of a person. I could go on for hours about all the dispicable things she did to him, but that would obviously take away from the whole point of this post. Later on down the road Harry got a very long email from Kays parents telling him that she had passed away. He told me that he was very upset, and angry that he wasn't told earlier. Aparently she had passed away a couple months before. In the email they told him that Kay held no grudges with him and that she will always love him.

Shortly thereafter Harry's father was diagnosed with Cancer, and doctors have said "it's only a matter of time". My best friend Harry, who I go and visit for about a week at a time in California 4-5 times a year, is 21 years old.

[Buccaneer]

you pray, you hang out with them, you try and be as positive as you can be... and you treasure every moment.
Perfectly said.

[Eaglesfan27]

Yes, just be there for them, pray for them, be as positive as you can be. One of my best friends contracted cancer when we were both 14. She died when we were 15. It was a heartbreaking, life-changing experience. Hopefully, your friend is one of the fortunate ones who recovers. I'll be praying for you and your friend.

[Ben E Lou]

you pray, you hang out with them, you try and be as positive as you can be... and you treasure every moment.Ditto. The only thing I'd add would be this: have a conversation soon letting him know that while you're going to try to be there for him and be positive, that the cancer is NOT a taboo subject with you. You'd be surprised at how many cancer patients (particularly those from teens to middle age) don't want to "burden" their still-in-the-prime-of-life friends with talk of the disease, and therefore won't talk about it.

[Kodos]

I'm so sorry to hear about your friend Neuqua. Try to be there for him, and help him stay positive. Staying positive is one of the best weapons available against a disease like cancer. I hope he is one of the ones who beats it. When I was in high school, my neighbor got cancer. She fought it and was eventually cured, and now has kids of her own. Don't lose hope...

[Franklinnoble]

I went throught the same thing 3-5 years ago. My best friend fought (and eventually lost) a two year battle with a rare form of heart cancer. It sucked, and I was there for him every step of the way. I even shaved my head when he lost his hair to chemo as a show of solidarity.

Not everyone who gets cancer dies, of course. It really depends on what sort of cancer he has, and how well he responds to treatment. But life can be enjoyed, even if it's in a hospital room while your best friend is plugged into a bag full of chemicals. Stay positive, let him know that it's OK to talk about it, and encourage him to seek out a support group and maybe keep a journal. Those things help a lot.

[tucker342]

I'm sorry to hear about your friend:(

The most important thing you can do is to be there for them. Encourage your friend to talk about it if they want to.

[korme]

Man that is rough pal. Be there for him at all times and just let him know that it's ok and you will help him pull through this.

[digamma]

Ditto. The only thing I'd add would be this: have a conversation soon letting him know that while you're going to try to be there for him and be positive, that the cancer is NOT a taboo subject with you. You'd be surprised at how many cancer patients (particularly those from teens to middle age) don't want to "burden" their still-in-the-prime-of-life friends with talk of the disease, and therefore won't talk about it.
I'd echo this (and what Cam said) with the following addition. Also be there to talk about other things. Be careful so that cancer isn't the only thing you talk about and that he doesn't become "the guy with cancer."

Good luck to you and your friend. I'll be thinking of you both.

[Vince]

Ditto. The only thing I'd add would be this: have a conversation soon letting him know that while you're going to try to be there for him and be positive, that the cancer is NOT a taboo subject with you. You'd be surprised at how many cancer patients (particularly those from teens to middle age) don't want to "burden" their still-in-the-prime-of-life friends with talk of the disease, and therefore won't talk about it.
I can't stress this enough. My buddy didn't ever talk about it with me...I let him know it was ok, but I think the distance between us (San Diego to Santa Barbara) also helped limit that.

I'll also echo everyone else's thoughts...pray, spend time with them, and as Cam said, treasure every moment.

[Neuqua]

Well it's been a little less than 24 hours since I heard the news..

I appreciate teh advice guys. My best friend is actually a female but the advice is the same. I was talking to her today and basically took the positive route. She was telling me how she hadn't laughed in 48 hours and how I got her mind off things for a little while atleast.

Next week she is moving to Sweden to get some chemo and therapy done to her. She has Hodgkin's Disease and the outlook is actually pretty good, especially since they found out about her disease in stage 1. The good news is that she'll be back in September, if everything goes to plan.

But once again, thanks for the kind words fellas. I was in a real awkard mood last night when I started this thread. It was nice to come to it today and see all the well wishes.