Fighting Crawfish: IV.50 A half hour too late.

[The Afoci]

A man sits in a dark room. There are scouting reports scattered all over the desk in front of him. A slim beam of light exposes a part of the plan for this weeks match.

Super Doggstar United: Week 2 Tactics

4-4-2. 2 offensive central defenders. 1 winger towards middle. Left wingback extra inner midfielder. Left winger extra central defender. Attack in the middle...

"Sir" says Coach to The Afoci. "The men are worried about this new tactic we are trying. If we don't win the midfield by at least two levels, we are screwed. Even with that, our defense might not be strong enough to hold their attacks off. And if they do, I am unsure our offense has the power to get through their defense..."

As The Afoci turns in his chair, a candy cigarette in his mouth, a tuxedo t-shirt on, he speaks. "Coach, it is your job to keep them in line. I expect you to use this plan. I expect victory. We will not have another week like last week. A 5-3 to a team we could have, should have beat. The Crawfish are now a proud club. We demand better than you have been giving. Your leadership isn't what it use to be...." It was at this moment, when the tip of the flame hit the candy cigarette that the mood in the room would change. When a drop of melted candy cigarette dripped on to The Afoci's bare naked leg, he threw it up in the air. It came down behind his chair. The shocked look on Coach's face only got larger when he heard the large POP! A whistlely, deflating sound came from the rubber, air filled lover whose arm pit was covered in lube.

The silence in the room was only momentary. The Afoci turned towards the tattered remains of his rubber, formerly air filled lover. A single tear on his face. As that tear hit his lips, the salty flavor reminded him of prom. "To think she was kind enough to use lube in the arm pit to prevent chaffing! Super Doggstar United must pay for this! Coach! I demand victory on Sunday. The home crowd must not be disappointed!"

"Yes sir!" screamed Coach as he turned and left the room... His thought scattered. Using an inadequate defender with excellent playmaking as a central defender played offensive, but in weak form. Another passable playmaker with solid defending being played offensive. A formidable defender being repositioned from the wing to play central defender. A excellent playmaker, solid winger with passable stamina being played towards middle. And he is only 18, would this big game pressure crack him? Would the team play its best the first time playing this crazy tactic? And most importantly...Did that rubber doll have a strap-on on? A 8 inch, rubber/velvet pink strap-on, September Strap-on of the Month in Butch magazine. He was 90 percent sure of it. It was a great steal at only $45 dollars. He then knew The Afoci knew what he was doing. A man that could have that kind of knowledge and purchase perhaps the greatest value in Strap-on history had to know what he was doing...

[Poli]

"What's that blue leader? I don't think I copy."

*Darn radios.*

"Did you just say one if by land, two if by sea?"

"How's your head?"

[The Afoci]

Sunday night in Fargo. A heavy rain had soaked The New Fighting Crawfish Arena. And only an hour or so prior, about 27,000 die hard Crawfish fans packed the stadium and witnessed a bizarre sight. They say a back-up midfielder playing central defender. They say a 4-4-2 for the first time in over 3 seasons. They saw one of the better teams in Division IV.50 lose to the Fighting Crawfish 3-1.

Due to an all-day shower, 26860 paying spectators got to see a match on a pitch-turned-bog at Fighting Crawfish Arena. Fighting had chosen a strategic 4-4-2 formation. The following players had been chosen: Gasienica - Ødegård, Swann, Lavrih, Frahm - Rivera, Kline, Woodson, Wylie - Stridling, Bäckblom.

doggstar had chosen a strategic 3-5-2 formation. The following players had been chosen: Beckman - Apelskär, Gnudi, Adolfsson - Yakovlev, Hammer, Guney, Soutourina, Fridquist - Krabbenborg, Ivey.

Fighting clearly preferred attacks in the middle. Robert Bäckblom slipped and slithered in the wet grass, obviously drunk. His usual rapid runs were nowhere to be seen today, although he was suffering from the runs. Fighting were very close to putting themselves one up in the 4:th minute as Dan Woodson got through, but failing in concentration mainly due to the naked chicks in the stands, he shot the ball wide. After a fine move down the middle Nils Stridling nearly gave the home side one up in the 11th minute. The finishing shot went just wide, though. Fighting made a bid to take the lead as a ball coming in from the right hand side left Nils Stridling completely alone with keeper Brad Beckman, who made a spectacular block. Seemingly due to lack of experience, Albert Frahm needlessly tripped an opponent just outside the penalty area, but the free kick that followed didn't succeed. But putting a Crawfish on his sack was very successful! Albert Frahm gave his Fighting the lead with 1 - 0, as he successfully challenged both the guests central defenders, then placed the ball unreachably at the goaltenders right post. Halftime score was 1 - 0. The fortyfive minutes were dominated by Fighting, with an impressive 62 percent possession of the ball. The mothers of the players playing for super doggstar united complained to the refs that the Crawfish weren't sharing the ball. Their mothers were very experienced in sharing balls from the looks of things.

Things were going to get worse for the visitors. Nils Stridling squirmed himself through the central defense line in the 72nd minute, asserting the lead to 2 - 0. doggstar reduced in the 73rd minute to 2 - 1 as Jean-Bernard Soutourina easily chipped the ball past the home sides keeper on a play from the right. Ole Ødegård of Fighting received a yellow card in the 80:th minute for unsportsmanlike behaviour. I guess the refs no longer allow players to stick their foots up opposing players asses. After 81 minutes Robert Bäckblom made a speedy advance and dropped the ball to Nils Stridling who shuffled the ball past the keeper. The score was now 3 - 1. The structure of the game started to change as Fighting decided to pull back and meet their opponents in the defensive zone. They also tried out the new electroshock center line. Any player crossing it was immediately shocked and then had a Crawfish attached to their sack. Fighting held the ball, with a clear 63 percent possession rate. Opposing player mothers were to busy sharing the balls of numerous Crawfish faithful to say anything...

The most dominating Fighting player was without a doubt Florian Wylie. Albert Frahm on the other hand, had a terrible day considering he was an inner mid playing central defender. Most important doggstar player was Norman Ivey. Magnus Apelskär was a disappointment, however. The match ends 3 - 1.

Chaves 'the Dope Finding' Dog saw the match like this...

Fighting Crawfish
Player rating and Team formation
Team Attitude: Normal
Tactic: Attack in the middle
Tactic skill: excellent

Midfield: magnificent
Right Side Defence: solid
Central Defence: excellent
Left Side Defence: passable
Right Side Attack: passable
Central Attack: formidable
Left Side Attack: inadequate

super doggstar united
Player rating and Team formation
Team Attitude: (Hidden)
Tactic: Normal
Tactic skill: (Unlimited)

Midfield: excellent
Right Side Defence: outstanding
Central Defence: outstanding
Left Side Defence: formidable
Right Side Attack: formidable
Central Attack: titanic
Left Side Attack: world class

The tactic sheet Coach had looked like this...

Keeper: Michal Gasienica ***~
Wingback: Ole Ødegård(Defensive) ***
Central Defender: Albert Frahm(Offensive) *~
Central Defender: Richie Swann(Offensive) ***
Central Defender: Matej Lavrih(Repositioned from left wing) ***~
Right Winger: Paul Rivera(Towards Middle) **~
Inner Midfield: Mikey Kline(Offensive) ****
Inner Midfield: Florian Wylie(Offensive) ****~
Inner Midfield: Dan Woodson(Repositioned from left wingback)****~
Forward: Robert Bäckblom ** (Formidable Scorer, Weather issues)
Forward: Nils Stridling ***~

[Poli]

The structure of the game started to change as Fighting decided to pull back and meet their opponents in the defensive zone. They also tried out the new electroshock center line.

Interesting.

[The Afoci]

Helmut van der Klauw in Los Angeles

"What the hell is this?" screams The Afoci at Coach as he sets down the sheet of paper that was just handed to them moments before.

"Well it appears to be a request for a drug test on one of our players” says Coach.

"I know that, but why!?!" screams The Afoci.

"Well" says Coach "It appears they have Helmut van der Klauw on camera doing things illegal and don't want him to play in the cup match tonight. They request that we meet them in 20 minutes at the stadium. They want us to bring Helmut van der Klauw along to take the test. Maybe we can prove it isn't him on the tape..."

"Hmmm..." says The Afoci.

20 minutes later at the stadium!

The three men walk into the stadium where they are to play tonight and down a hall way to the dark room. The note on the door tells them to come in. They struggle to find a the chairs in the dark room and when they do the television at the front of it comes on. The image shows what appears to be Helmut van der Klauw drinking an entire bottle of vodka.

"Well that isn't against the law, it may not be smart, but definitely nothing to mean we have to test the guy for" screams The Afoci.

The next scene shows him loading a pipe and smoking it...

"Looks like tobacco to me" says The Afoci.

"Wow, this weed is good!" says the man into the camera.

"That obviously isn't Helmut van der Klauw, just someone that looks like him!" says The Afoci.

"Hi, my name is Helmut van der Klauw, want to see my ID?" the man says as he shows the camera his ID.

"Different Helmut van der Klauw, that is a very common name!" says The Afoci.

"I play soccer for The Fighting Crawfish from Fargo North Dakota!" screams the man. "I am unique for being the only man in the world with this name! God I hope they don't drug test me or the team, we would all be so screwed!"

The television mysteriously breaks...

After a short discussion, The Afoci is given ten minutes with Helmut van der Klauw prior to him being required to take the drug test. They devise a plan to inject urine in his ass that is clean so that he can pass the test. The only one they know is clean is the horse they brought along for no particular reason. The horses name is Hung Like a Human. He doesn't get a bunch of action, sadly.

Helmut van der Klauw shows up and takes the test...

30 minutes after the test, when the results are being read to the group of reporters and team officials that have gathered to hear the results.

"Well" starts the lab tech who analyzed the results, "Let me start by saying, that this was one of the oddest test samples I have ever tested. To start things off, this urine smells like shit. Literally. Next, the urine is not that of a man, but of a horse. Typically those that attempt to cheat the system at least use urine from someone in the same species. Also, they avoid using the urine of someone who has smoked marijuana in the last 10 minutes. This horse was messed up. Screw it. I am letting him pass the test and play. I don't want to have to test whatever they come up with next."


Well, it looks like Helmut van der Klauw will get to play, but will it matter? Well the team the Might Crawfish play isn't overly tough, the Crawfish backup midfielders are inexperienced, lack the proper stamina to really blow teams out of the water. Rumor has it that a CD and winger are going to be trying to assist them in the match tonight to ensure a victory.

[Poli]

Denied.

[sterlingice]

I think the dope smoking horse should get along just fine with the dope finding dog.

SI

[The Afoci]

AE: My team should know better than to be around you with a video camera. I mean, can't they remember the Christmas Party?

SI: They should be a great combo.

[The Afoci]

Only hours after the drug testing incident, the Fighting Crawfish took the field against Rat Patrol. Helmut van der Klauw is obviously irrated and ready to hurt people!

Weather conditions were fairly good for football, and The Warren saw a crowd turnout of 14478. Patrol had chosen a strategic 4-4-2 formation. The following players had been chosen: Ratliff - Dickerson, Williams, Lorenz, Lyon - Edmond, Sugden, Vizcarro, Self - Childers, Weller.

Fighting had chosen a strategic 3-5-2 formation. The following players had been chosen: Holt - de Oliveira, Ciripoi, van der Klauw - Apelerberg, Frahm, Gabrielsson, Rivera, Uddstad - Rannem , Karlstad.

A mistake by the home sides central defence in the 4:th minute allowed Stefan Gabrielsson to score 0 - 1 for Fighting. Fightings Mikael Apelerberg got himself booked after a foul after taunting a man who was armless about lossing at Paper, Rock, Scissors. After 21 minutes a combination in the middle resulted in a through ball for Paul Rivera who increased Fighting´s lead to 0 - 2. The teams went for a half-time break at 0 - 2. Fighting, bringing the final ball possession rate to 55 percent, dominated the battle.

Helmut van der Klauw received some harsh words from his coach after he acted foolishly, probably out of his experience with marijuana, in the 46:th minute and almost caused an opponent to score. In the 79:th minute Patrols Eddy Dickerson received a yellow card for going into a challenge studs first. The game was close to savage at times, and Patrol`s Eddy Dickerson received a second yellow card in the 80:th, his ticket out of the game. Helmut van der Klauw of Fighting received a yellow card in the 85:th minute for unsportsmanlike behaviour. Stefan Gabrielsson increased the visitors lead by putting a volley shot away on a pass from the right. 0 - 3. The fortyfive minutes were dominated by Fighting, with an impressive 54 percent possession of the ball.

The most dominating Patrol player was without a doubt Graham Childers. Rod Weller was a disappointment, however. Fighting´s best player was Christian Karlstad. Lars-Olof Uddstad on the other hand, had a terrible day. The match ends 0 - 3.

Chavez 'the Dope Finding' Dog saw the match like this...

Rat Patrol
Player rating and Team formation
Team Attitude: (Hidden)
Tactic: Normal
Tactic skill: (Unlimited)

Midfield: weak
Right Side Defence: solid
Central Defence: formidable
Left Side Defence: excellent
Right Side Attack: inadequate
Central Attack: passable
Left Side Attack: passable


Fighting Crawfish
Player rating and Team formation
Team Attitude: Play it Cool
Tactic: Normal
Tactic skill: (Unlimited)

Midfield: inadequate
Right Side Defence: passable
Central Defence: inadequate
Left Side Defence: inadequate
Right Side Attack: solid
Central Attack: excellent
Left Side Attack: inadequate

[The Afoci]

We had one PM bump.

Stefan Gabrielsson (22009373)
18 years, passable form, healthy
I speak Svenska!

A nasty fellow who is calm and upright most of the time.
Has disastrous experience and weak leadership abilities.

Speciality: Head

Nationality: Sverige
Assessed value: 302 000 US$
Wage: 2 004 US$/week including 20% Bonus
Owner: Fighting Crawfish
Warnings: 0

Stamina: inadequate Goaltending: disastrous
Playmaking: solid Passing: passable
Winger: excellent Defending: poor
Scoring: poor Set Pieces: weak

[Poli]

We had one PM bump.

Stefan Gabrielsson (22009373)
18 years, passable form, healthy
I speak Svenska!

A nasty fellow who is calm and upright most of the time.
Has disastrous experience and weak leadership abilities.

Speciality: Head

Nationality: Sverige
Assessed value: 302 000 US$
Wage: 2 004 US$/week including 20% Bonus
Owner: Fighting Crawfish
Warnings: 0

Stamina: inadequate Goaltending: disastrous
Playmaking: solid Passing: passable
Winger: excellent Defending: poor
Scoring: poor Set Pieces: weak


Just wait until I tell Timewar.

[The Afoci]

The Afoci sits in his office as Coach walks in.

"We got lucky last night" says The Afoci. "The strategy was a sound one, but didn't work as well as planned, but the outcome was about what we were expecting."

The strategy was simple one. Focus what defense they had on the center. Press and hope the weak attacks would be stopped by the 2 central defenders who were powerful and the wing back playing towards middle could stop them. Try to get within a level or two of midfield and hope for a tie or a fluke win. Here is the story....

Boys from Brazil - Fighting Crawfish

32286 spectators had found their way to Maracana, despite the heavy rain. Brazil had chosen a strategic 3-5-2 formation. They fielded: Mårtensson - Ashcraft, Nytorp, Ceballos - Billblad, Nyhin, Birgersson, Remmen, Ångell - Dahlborn, Andersson.

Fighting started off with a 3-5-2 lineup. The following players had been chosen: Gasienica - Swann, Ødegård, Lavrih - Gabrielsson, Kline, Woodson, Wylie, Rivera - Stridling, Bäckblom.

Brazil mostly ignored the flanks in favour of attacks in the middle. Fighting immediately set off pressing their opponents. Fighting's ability to press their private parts on their opponents all over the field paid off frequently. In the 15:th minute cheers broke out as Andreas Billblad found his way through the guests central defense line, clipping the 1 - 0 goal in for Brazil. At this time in the match, Fighting were using their skills at the press to successfully put pressure on their opponents into snorting fundip. The crowd was silenced in the 37:th minute as the visiting teams Florian Wylie came in from the left, levelling the score to 1 - 1. Peter Dahlborn gave his Brazil the lead with 2 - 1, as he successfully challenged both the guests central defenders, then placed the ball unreachably at the goaltenders right post. The teams went for a half-time break at 2 - 1. This part of the game had been a standoff between the teams.

Visitors Mikey Kline was alert on a play coming in from the left, making the score a tie at 2 - 2 in the 50:th minute. In the games 55:th minute Brazil´s Steinar Remmen fell dramatically just outside the penalty area. However, the referee booked Steinar Remmen for taking a dive even though he had a clear laser blaster wound on his leg. Brazil got a penalty shot in the 61st minute, but Steinar Remmen fumbled the shot slightly and Michal Gasienica was able to block. Fighting took the lead after 62 minutes with 2 - 3. Florian Wylie placed the ball out of reach for the home sides keeper after a fine move, coming in from the left. In the 73rd minute, Brazil´s Per Andersson made a rush down the left, leaving him free to put the 3 - 3 equaliser away. The referee showed Fightings Dan Woodson the yellow card after a particularly nasty challenge. The fortyfive minutes were dominated by Brazil, with an impressive 52 percent possession of the ball.

Brazil´s best player was Kristian Nyhin. Andreas Billblad on the other hand, had a terrible day. Fighting´s best player was Dan Woodson. Paul Rivera on the other hand, had a terrible day. The match ends 3 - 3.

Chavez 'the Dope Finding' Dog saw the match like so...

Fighting Crawfish
Player rating and Team formation
Team Attitude: Normal
Tactic: Pressing
Tactic skill: inadequate

Midfield: outstanding
Right Side Defence: passable
Central Defence: excellent
Left Side Defence: solid
Right Side Attack: brilliant
Central Attack: outstanding
Left Side Attack: solid

Boys from Brazil
Player rating and Team formation
Team Attitude: (Hidden)
Tactic: Attack in the middle
Tactic skill: excellent

Midfield: outstanding
Right Side Defence: excellent
Central Defence: outstanding
Left Side Defence: excellent
Right Side Attack: inadequate
Central Attack: formidable
Left Side Attack: passable

Overall our midfield was much better than expected. Sadly our defense was much less. I read that powerful players recieve double defense when pressing. It obviously didn't show up in the ratings, but maybe it did take effect. Odd really.

Michal Gasienica (Keeper) ***~
Ole Ødegård (Normal CD) **~
Richie Swann(Offensive CD) ***
Matej Lavrih(Towards Middle WB) ***~
Stefan Gabrielsson (Offensive Winger) ***~
Paul Rivera (Towards Middle Winger) **~
Dan Woodson(Extra Inner Mid) ****~
Mikey Kline(Offensive Inner Mid) ****
Florian Wylie(Offensive Inner Mid) ****
Robert Bäckblom(Forward) ***
Nils Stridling(Forward) ****

[The Afoci]

Sorry for the lack of updates. Both my grandmas have had some medical issues that have been taking most of my free time. Hopefully everything will be resolved by next week, but I can't promise to many updates beyond just match reports and such.

Weather conditions were fairly good for football, and Fighting Crawfish Arena saw a crowd turnout of 40000. Fighting had chosen a strategic 3-5-2 formation. The following players had been chosen: Holt - Lavrih, Ciripoi, Swann - Uddstad, Frahm, Gabrielsson, Rivera, Apelerberg - Rannem , Karlstad.

Hoops started off with a 3-5-2 lineup. Lineup: Grubalski - Butacu, Pereira, Keen - Huang, Lundhstrand, Rom, Carver, Alcami Pertejo - Dunn, Beaty.

Counter-attacking seemed to be the preferred strategy of Hoops. Hoopss counterattacks were lethal to the opposing defense, allowing Bjarne Lundhstrand to score easily from the right flank for 0 - 1. With a shot floated in from just outside the penalty area in the 18:th minute, Christian Karlstad of Fighting evened the score to 1 - 1. In the 19:th minute cheers broke out as Albert Frahm found his way through the guests central defense line, clipping the 2 - 1 goal in for Fighting. Ivar 'Why can't my name be Ivan' Rannem hit the ball just perfect in the 22nd minute and could score for Fighting with a fab long shot to 3 - 1. The teams went for a half-time break at 3 - 1. Fighting held the ball, with a clear 66 percent possession rate.

The visitors replied in the games 52nd minute, scoring the 3 - 2 goal, as Timothy Keen broke through from the left, easily lobbing the ball over the home teams keeper. In the 63rd minute Fightings Matej Lavrih received a yellow card for going into a challenge studs first. Stefan Gabrielsson received some harsh words from his coach after he acted foolishly, probably out of lack of experience, in the 70:th minute and almost caused an opponent to score. Hoops got a chance to level the score as Bertran Dunn suddenly found himself free with the goaltender but the finishing shot hit the bar. A well placed corner kick from Ivar Rannem was followed by Mikael Apelerberg´s hard but accurate header. The nice combination meant goal for Fighting. The result now 4-2. The structure of the game started to change as Fighting decided to pull back and meet their opponents in the defensive zone using the electroshock midfield line. Fighting, bringing the final ball possession rate to 66 percent, dominated the battle.

The most dominating Fighting player was without a doubt Matej Lavrih. Lars-Olof Uddstad on the other hand, had a terrible day. The most dominating Hoops player was without a doubt Noam Rom. Franklin Carver was a disappointment, however. The match ends 4 - 2.

Next weeks cup match is essential unwinnable, so expect some crazy PIC tactics in hopes of messing with the game engine.

We had no training bumps this weeks at all. Form was okay, but not great. Our next match is against the last place team in IV.50, the Squirrel Squadron. They have been focusing on the cup, but ended up getting upset last round. I will have to face their full starters and expect a good match. I am not quite sure on tactics yet as I expect their confidence to be down, so I might go defensive to prevent them from scoring. I am unsure what kind of midfield they will put up. I have seen anywhere from passable to brilliant on the road from them.

Maybe I can get some free time this afternoon or something for a small update, I am feeling kind of spunky. :)

[The Afoci]

I got nothing.

:)

[The Afoci]

Just putting the foil on Coach...

As The Afoci walked past the players locker room prior to the match with the Squirrel Squadron, he should have known the team was underestimating the last place squad. Even though Coach told them over and over that their bad league results only happened because they were resting their starters for the cup. And now that they are done with that, the focus will most likely head back to the league games.

"Time to put on the foil" says Mikey Kline, a red card club member from the first cup game this season. The locker room laughs.

"I hate the advertising of ass cream on our uniforms!" says Dan Woodson "I swear if I have to wear this one more time I am going to whip it out midgame. And I promise that everyone in the stadium but my blow up doll, that lady that we all sleep with that doesn't have any legs and Ardent Enthusiast will be running for exits!" Laughter bursts out again.

The stench of marijuana and alcohol could mean only one thing. "Alright boys, time to embarrass the family" says "You better guard your daughters or they will be" Les "their" Cherry"s" as they circle around the multiport superbong...

Gametime!

39577 spectators arrived at Fighting Crawfish Arena, where weather conditions were pretty good for football. Fighting started off with a 3-5-2 lineup. Lineup: Gasienica - Ødegård, Swann, Lavrih - Gabrielsson, Kline, Woodson, Wylie, Rivera - Stridling, Bäckblom.

Squirrel had chosen a strategic 3-5-2 formation. The following players had been chosen: Gieco - Woodson, Spaulding, Lehto - Deleon, Dillon, Kuykendall, Waggoner, Almazán - Falamoe, Cyr.

In the 2nd minute cheers broke out as Mikey Kline found his way through the guests central defense line, clipping the 1 - 0 goal in for Fighting. He then headed straight to the sidelines to get the great twinkie supply brought in for the game. The visiting teams Stan Falamoe could score the 1 - 1 equaliser in the 9:th minute with a header, after some good work on the right. A tad of inexperience, along with alcohol, caused Florian Wylie to make a difficult dribble close to dangerous opponent Stuart Waggoner who took opportunitt by scoring 1-2. The home crowd were tearing their hair out from their ass cracks as Mikey Kline missed a penalty shot by miles in the 36:th minute. Many questioned whether he was sober enough to aim at the proper goal. With a shot floated in from just outside the penalty area in the 38:th minute, Robert Bäckblom of Fighting evened the score to 2 - 2. The referee showed Fightings Mikey Kline the yellow card after a particularly nasty challenge in which someone was heard insulting the merits of licking a donkeys ass to cure bad breathe. The teams went for a half-time break at 2 - 2. Fighting held the ball, with a clear 55 percent possession rate.

Unsportsmanlike behaviour by Mikey Kline rendered him his second booking of the match, and Fighting had to finish the game with a reduced squad. Mikey Kline had decide that the ref had too much of an attitude and kicked him square in the junk. Fightings Robert Bäckblom gave, after 86 minutes, the home team a 3 - 2 lead after an attack coming in from the right. So late in the game, even the Crawfish couln't blow it, right? The referee showed Fightings Dan Woodson the yellow card after a particularly nasty challenge. The Squirrel Squadron coach was upset by the fact he had to finish the match with a Crawfish attached to his sack! Squirrel could level the score in the 89:th minute at 3 - 3, as King Dillon struck home after a fine midfield combination, leaving him completely unmarked. Squirrel took the lead in the games 89:th minute with 3 - 4 after some elegant plays down the middle. Stuart Waggoner was the scorer. The game was close to savage at times, and Fighting`s Dan Woodson received a second yellow card in the 90:th, his ticket out of the game as he stripped down and attempted to set a new record for Naked Polevault without a pole in warm weather. He didn't. In the 90:th minute Squirrel put themselves up 3 - 5 after an attack from the right, caused by a defensive blunder. Scorer was Stuart Waggoner. By then Stuart Waggoner was a three time scorer - a hat trick! The match was stopped for a moment as Ardent Enthusiast was caught streaking on the field. Many people complained of blurred vision from having to squint. ;) Squirrel, bringing the final ball possession rate to 71 percent, dominated the battle.

Most important Fighting player was Nils Stridling. Paul Rivera on the other hand, had a terrible day. Squirrel´s best player was King Dillon. However, Stan Woodson made a disastrous appearance. The match ends 3 - 5.

Chavez 'the Dope Finding' Dog saw the ratings like this...


Fighting Crawfish
Player rating and Team formation
Team Attitude: Normal
Tactic: Normal
Tactic skill: (Unlimited)

Midfield: magnificent
Right Side Defence: solid
Central Defence: solid
Left Side Defence: formidable
Right Side Attack: outstanding
Central Attack: outstanding
Left Side Attack: solid


Squirrel Squadron
Player rating and Team formation
Team Attitude: (Hidden)
Tactic: Normal
Tactic skill: (Unlimited)

Midfield: brilliant
Right Side Defence: formidable
Central Defence: excellent
Left Side Defence: solid
Right Side Attack: passable
Central Attack: excellent
Left Side Attack: brilliant



The players were rated as such:

Michal Gasienica (Keeper)***~
Ole Ødegård (Wingback, Defensive) **~
Matej Lavrih (Wingback, Defensive) ****
Richie Swann (Central Defender, Offensive) ***
Stefan Gabrielsson (Winger, Offensive) ***~
Paul Rivera (Winger, Towards Middle) **~
Florian Wylie (Extra Inner Midfielder) ****
Dan Woodson (Inner Midfielder, Offensive) Ejected!
Mikey Kline (Inner Midielder, Offensive) Ejected!
Robert Bäckblom (Forward) ***
Nils Stridling (Forward) ****

League Table

1. Wake Mourners 4 19 - 3 12

2. super doggstar unit 4 14 - 10 7
3. Fezzifubars 4 14 - 13 6
4. Shadow Lords 4 8 - 9 6

5. Fighting Crawfish 4 12 - 14 4
6. Carnivorous Inept A 4 13 - 17 4

7. Boys from Brazil 4 8 - 12 4
8. Squirrel Squadron 4 7 - 17 3

[Poli]

And I thought I had evil players.

[The Afoci]

Crawfish Lose In Cup, Look like North County Raiders

In what can only be explained as Raider-esque, the Mighty Fighting Crawfish were humbled 5-0 in the cup. Many people were expecting it, but for the team to perform like Ardent Enthusiast in a National Title game was unexpected. Goals were passing through the net like Ardent Enthusiast going through the door going into a Mens Bar filled with Leather-clad men. The Fighting Crawfish offense looked like Ardent Enthusiast trying to score without Viagra. The thought was there, the physical ability wasn't.

I got nothing. :)

[Poli]

Actually, that was quite impressive. :)

[The Afoci]

Birds, Peanut Butter and Stew

Helmut van der Klauw approaches a message board in the locker room of the Crawfish and posts this simple, but glorious message:

Me, Helmut, make food for teammates to make up for me playing like little sissy schoolgirls. Me haven't broke no one in weeks and couldn't stop a shot from hated stupidhead Ardent Enthusiast. Me very sorry, meet back here in three hours for food from native lands of Smoketopia...

Now as odd as that would seem, things, as they always seem to do at the Crawfish Compound, got a little even more odd. Three cases of Peanut Butter were stolen, one giant cooking pot that is used to keep the Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws in line was taken, and there are rumors that Helmut van der Klauw was last seen attempting to romance a bald eagle with wine and song.

One Hour Later

"Me, Helmut van der Klauw am very sorry for NCR style of play lately" he started. "Things at home be very tough. Smoketopia is in danger. My lands are under attack from evil peoples from South Dakota! Here is some of my homelands greatest dish, Bald Eagle Stew with Peanut Butter."

"Um..." says The Afoci "It is illegal to kill a Bald Eagle."

"I no kill it" says Helmut van der Klauw "It died naturally in my arms. SQUAWK! SQUAWK! DEAD!"

"That isn't exactly how it happened." says "You better guard your daughters or else they will be" Les "their" Cherry"s". Now many people started to dig in. Soccer players don't get paid much, so free food is free food. "See, it all started about 2 hours ago. I had just got done doing some Mexican Chick in hopes of infecting her and her National Team husband. Well, like Mexican food, the ladies give me the runs! So I ran to the bathroom out by the field and when I came out, proud of my two flusher, I saw Helmut van der Klauw dancing back and forth with what appeared to be a drunken Bald Eagle. What happened next, I will never forget. He started with the typical reach around saying what nice breasts she had. Then out of nowhere, SQUAWK! SQUAWK! and then he was saying he was working on adding stuffing and attempting to glaze it..."

"Hey guys!" Screams Marmel, who has been missing in a drunken stupor for weeks! "I found frosting in my soup! Salty greatness!"

[Poli]

Marmel!