Sex Will Stop Terrorism

[AgPete]

New Rule: If we really want to stop terrorism, we have to get Muslim men laid. Five British Muslims who were recently sent home from our prison at Guantanamo charged that their American captors brought in prostitutes to taunt them because most had never even seen a naked woman before. And it made me wonder, how many members of al Qaeda have even dated a girl?

We should hire women to infiltrate al Qaeda cells and fuck them. Things would change quickly because young Muslim men don't really hate America, they're jealous of America. We have rap videos, and the Hilton sisters, and magazines with titles like "Barely Legal." You know what's barely legal in Afghanistan? Everything! Young men need sex and if they don't get it for months after month after month, they wind up cursing the day they ever decided to go to Cornell.

Have you ever wondered why the word from the Arab street is always so angry? It's because it's a bunch of guys standing in the street! Which is what guys do when they don't have girlfriends, when they're not even allowed to talk to a girl.... of course they want to commit suicide! Unlike this country where it's the married guys who want to kill themselves. But here we always have hope, you can at least talk to a girl and one might be crazy enough to go for you. Or you can get rich and buy one like people do in Beverly Hills.

But the connection between no sex and anger is real. It's why prize fighters stay celibate when they're in training, so that on fight night they're pissed off and ready to kill. It's why football players don't have sex after Wednesday, and conversely, it's why Bill Clinton never started a war. And so to paraphrase the sign in Mr. Clinton's old war room: "It's the pussy stupid!"

We need the coalition of the willing to be really willing. We need to mobilize two division of skanks, a regiment of ho's, and a brigade of girls who just can't say no. All under the command of Colonel Ann Coulter who will be dressed in her "Elsa she-wolf of the SS uniform." Forget the peace core, we need a piece of ass core! Girls, there's a cure to terrorism, and you're sitting on it!

---From Bill Maher's recent HBO show.

[Noop]

LOL!!! This is funny but may have a point.

[Yossarian]

There's an argument related to that that I've heard with regard to China.

Because families tend to not want daughters (due to 1 child policy) and the correspondingly large ratio of males to females, someone a while back was musing on what half a billion horny single testosterone filled males would do.

The argument being that 'Man wants woman' coupled with.... a lack of the healing powers of sex would increase the aggression of China.

[JeeberD]

Hilarious stuff... :D

[Kodos]

I love Bill Maher's show. Too bad it just went on hiatus until the end of July... :(

[AgPete]

I love Bill Maher's show. Too bad it just went on hiatus until the end of July... :(

It did? :eek: Noooooo! The only reason I don't cancel HBO is because of the Sopranos and Bill Maher.

[BigJohn&TheLions]

Politically Incorrect was much better than his current show...

[AgPete]

Politically Incorrect was much better than his current show...

I like both of them just as much. He brings in all his favorite PI guests for his new show so it has a nostalgic touch. :)

[The Afoci]

But think of how pissed they will be after they get it for a while and then get married and then the chick is all 'I am tired', 'My head hurts', and 'We did it last week'.

[Tigercat]

OK what I don't get about the religious offshoot of Islamic extremists... How come they can't see women naked or have sex in this life, yet they can do whatever they want to with 9287423984 virgins when they get to heaven? I mean i suppose you can say that they can have the virgins in heaven for eternity, and thats the benefit of waiting. But wait, how can one be a virgin forever? Soooo confusing this is.

[Leonidas]

OK what I don't get about the religious offshoot of Islamic extremists... How come they can't see women naked or have sex in this life, yet they can do whatever they want to with 9287423984 virgins when they get to heaven? I mean i suppose you can say that they can have the virgins in heaven for eternity, and thats the benefit of waiting. But wait, how can one be a virgin forever? Soooo confusing this is.

And I've often asked myself:
If these martyrs get virgins in heaven, who are these virgins and are they in heaven or hell?

If they are in hell why would someone so chaste and pure recieve the punishment of hell?

If they are in heaven, do Islamic scholars genuinely believe chaste, Muslim women dream of an afterlife spent surrendering their virginity to Palestinian suicide bombers?

What then happens to virgins in heaven after they are defrocked? Do they become virgins again and go to the back of the line?

Are there really so many true believing virgins dying before losing their virginity to satisfy the ever growing list of suicide bombers for eternity?

Do female suicide bombers get virgin, Islamic males as their just reward (no doubt there is a long supply of these available)?

[tucker342]

Bill Maher is awesome:D

[AgPete]

And I've often asked myself:
If these martyrs get virgins in heaven, who are these virgins and are they in heaven or hell?

If they are in hell why would someone so chaste and pure recieve the punishment of hell?

If they are in heaven, do Islamic scholars genuinely believe chaste, Muslim women dream of an afterlife spent surrendering their virginity to Palestinian suicide bombers?

What then happens to virgins in heaven after they are defrocked? Do they become virgins again and go to the back of the line?

Are there really so many true believing virgins dying before losing their virginity to satisfy the ever growing list of suicide bombers for eternity?

Do female suicide bombers get virgin, Islamic males as their just reward (no doubt there is a long supply of these available)?

This is as good a time as any to link one of my all time favorite Onion stories. :p

http://www.theonion.com/onion3734/hijackers_surprised.html

[SunDancer]

Could the no drinking of alcohol be another reason :)

[Maple Leafs]

And I've often asked myself:
If these martyrs get virgins in heaven, who are these virgins and are they in heaven or hell?

If they are in hell why would someone so chaste and pure recieve the punishment of hell?

If they are in heaven, do Islamic scholars genuinely believe chaste, Muslim women dream of an afterlife spent surrendering their virginity to Palestinian suicide bombers?

What then happens to virgins in heaven after they are defrocked? Do they become virgins again and go to the back of the line?

Are there really so many true believing virgins dying before losing their virginity to satisfy the ever growing list of suicide bombers for eternity?

Do female suicide bombers get virgin, Islamic males as their just reward (no doubt there is a long supply of these available)?Go post it in the "Superping: Allah" thread.

[wig]

But the connection between no sex and anger is real. It's why prize fighters stay celibate when they're in training, so that on fight night they're pissed off and ready to kill. It's why football players don't have sex after Wednesday, and conversely, it's why Bill Clinton never started a war. And so to paraphrase the sign in Mr. Clinton's old war room: "It's the pussy stupid!"

Why was Hornsmaniac always so mad?

[AgPete]

Go post it in the "Superping: Allah" thread.

ROFL

FOFC Poster: If I have looked at a fine woman in a bikini will I still get 1,000 virgins in heaven?

FOFC Preacher: You may only get 957. It's known as the good intentions clause.

FOFC Poster: But say I....

[Leonidas]

Could the no drinking of alcohol be another reason :)

And this is another thing in the Koran I have issues with.

The Koran says true believers will have an abundance of wine that does not dull the senses in paradise. I believe the correct name for that is grape juice. Why would someone wish to drink wine if it has no alcoholic properties?