CM03/04: Hands-Off Euro 2004

[Roberto]

Introduction

As the real competition approaches, here’s a semi-dynasty from CM03/04: a hands-off Euro 2004.

I was playing Spurs in version 4.1.3 (yes, I know that’s one big and one small patch ago, but it started in 4.1.3 and I didn’t want to jeopardize the save game by upgrading during it) and the international matches happened in the background.

Selected leagues were England (Third Division and above), Germany (First Division only), Italy (Serie A only), Holland (Premier Division only), Scotland (Premier League only) and Spain (First Division Only). Medium database enabled.

A word of warning; this is written from the perspective of an Englishman with an interest in the progress of teams from the British Isles, because that is what I am. No disrespect is intended to the supporters of any other nation.

[Roberto]

Qualifying rounds - September

It’s a no-brainer that CM03-04 starts at the beginning of the 03-04 season, with the qualifying matches during the previous season having already had their historical results. So the scope to change the historical qualifiers is limited. France is running away with Group 1, for example, and Liechtenstein is hopelessly adrift at the foot of Group 7.

The first batch of qualifying matches in the game are the double headers on 6th and 10th September 2003. Most of them went as would be expected. France guaranteed qualification with a 4-0 home win against Cyprus and a 0-2 away win in Slovenia. In a crunch match at the top of Group 3 between the two teams which had already qualified, the Czech Republic beat Holland 2-0 with goals in the second and third minutes (Smicer and Baros respectively) to go one point clear with one game to play. Sweden and Hungary pulled away at the top of Group 4, Greece and Spain at the top of Group 6 and Bulgaria and Croatia at the top of Group 8 (a goal from Aston Villa’s very own Bosko Balaban in Brussels was enough to put qualification beyond Belgium’s reach).

Group 6 saw a remarkably unhistorical performance from Northern Ireland, who beat the Ukraine 1-2 away, followed by a 4-0 home win over Armenia.

In Group 5, Scotland’s hopes were left hanging by a thread after a 2-1 defeat by Germany in Leverkusen. Scotland took the lead in the seventh minute in the form of an own goal by Christian Ziege and held it for an hour before Bobic equalised; their brave hearts were broken when Klose scored the winner in the 89th minute.

In Group 7, England dominated the game in Macedonia (by nine shots, six on target, to one and none) but only scraped a 0-1 win with a goal from Steven Gerrard in the third minute (the Macedonian ‘keeper was the man of the match) and then overwhelmed Liechtenstein at St James’s Park with 24 shots, 13 on target, producing a 4-0 win (one for Beckham, one for Gerrard and two for Rooney). Meanwhile, Turkey won 1-4 in Liechtenstein. October’s game in Turkey would decide who would come first and who second.

Wales went into the new season at the top of Group 9, but were beaten 3-0 by Italy in the San Siro (one for Fiore, two for Totti) and then 0-2 by Finland in Cardiff. With Italy beating Serbia & Montenegro 0-1 in Belgrade (Materazzi on the stroke of half time), Italy were guaranteed automatic qualification and Wales were guaranteed the runners-up spot.

Finally, Group 10. The Republic of Ireland beat Russia 3-0 (one for Damien Duff, two for Clinton Morrison), then had to wait on the sidelines as Russia drew 1-1 with Switzerland four days later. This left Switzerland heading the group with Ireland in second place and Russia too far behind to catch up, with Ireland and Switzerland due to play in October.

[Roberto]

Qualifying rounds – October

The final games in the qualifying rounds were on 11 October 2003.

France had already won Group 1 with Slovenia second. Cyprus 0-3 Slovenia; France 1-0 Israel.

In Group 2 Romania led the table with 16 points but with all games played, followed by Denmark with 13 and Norway with 12. Norway did their best, with a 4-0 thrashing of Luxembourg, but it availed them nothing when Denmark ran out 1-2 winners in Bosnia. Denmark topped the table, with Romania runners-up.

The Czech Republic beat Austria 0-3 in Vienna to win Group 3 by one point from Holland, who beat Moldova 4-0.

The leaders of Group 4, Sweden, lost 1-0 to Poland, but still topped the group by goal difference. Hungary had to settle for second place after beating Latvia 1-2.

Scotland could claw second place in Group 5 if they beat Lithuania and if Germany beat Iceland, or if they beat Lithuania by four clear goals and Germany drew with Iceland. Well, Germany drew 0-0 with Iceland and Scotland …

… wait for it …

… Scotland lost 1-3 to Lithuania. So Germany topped the group, two points clear of Iceland.

In Group 6, Greece beat Northern Ireland 3-2 to win the group one point clear of Spain who won 0-2 in Armenia (one from Valeron and a penalty by Helguera).

Everything in Group 7 turned on the match between Turkey and England in Istanbul. A draw would see England top the group. And the game remained goalless until the 72nd minute, when Hargreaves played the ball forward to Owen, Owen chipped to Vassell and Vassell scored. Turkey changed to a frantic 4-2-4 and in the 82nd minute, Davala was pushed by Gerrard in the area. Emre scored from the penalty spot. England weathered the storm to hold the score at 1-1.

The day began with Bulgaria one point clear of Croatia in Group 8 and ended with Bulgaria four points clear, after a 2-3 win in the game between the two.

In Group 9 Italy beat Azerbaijan 3-0 and Wales beat Armenia 4-0 (two by Bellamy, two by Earnshaw).

In Group 10 Switzerland somehow failed to beat the Republic of Ireland, despite having 16 shots on goal (11 on target) to five (three on target). The Republic’s ‘keeper, Shay Given, was man of the match. This left Switzerland heading the group, with the Republic second.

Summary of qualifiers

France
Denmark
Czech Republic
Sweden
Germany
Greece
Spain
England
Bulgaria
Italy
Wales
And Portugal as hosts.

Draw for the Playoffs

Romania v Iceland
Wales v Hungary
Croatia v Holland
Turkey v Slovenia
Ireland v Spain

There would not be a lot of people betting on Ireland to go through …

[Roberto]

Play-offs: first legs

15 November 2003

Croatia 1-1 Holland

In a game dominated by the Dutch who had sixteen shots (seven on target) to their opponents’ three (two on target), Aston Villa’s Bosko Balaban scored for Croatia after ten minutes and Patrick Kluivert equalised in the first minute of added time at the end of the first half. Croatia shut up shop to hold the match level.

Ireland 0-0 Spain

The Irish had their backs to the wall at Landsdowne Road. Spain had twelve chances, six on target, to Ireland’s five, three of which were on target. Man of the match Shay Given kept a clean sheet. Robbie Keane (of “my” Spurs) had a ‘mare, rated 4.

Romania 3-1 Iceland

(The game did not preserve a match report).

Turkey 2-0 Slovenia

Turkey dominated the game, 45% of which was played in Slovenia’s nearest third of the pitch, with 24 shots on goal (sixteen on target) and eight corners, as against two, one and one. Goals in the first half by Nihat and Sanli Tuncay gave them the win.

Wales 3-1 Hungary

A surprising result to some, but totally in line with the run of play although the crowd of 69,431 in the Millennium Stadium had a nervous first half. Tamas Peto scored an away goal for Hungary in the ninth minute. Wales’ first response came on 51 minutes from Craig Bellamy. Man of the match John Hartson scored twice on 59 and 71 minutes. Overall, Wales had seventeen shots, nine on target, to Hungary’s four and three.

Play-offs: second legs

19 November 2003

Holland 2-0 Croatia (aggregate Holland 3-1 Croatia)

The Dutch dominated this match just as much as they had the first leg, with thirteen shooting chances (six on target) to Croatia’s one. Two goals by man of the match Ruud van Nistelrooy on 14 and 85 minutes took the Dutch to Portugal.

Hungary 0-0 Wales (aggregate Hungary 1-3 Wales)

Wales came to defend and defend they did, with Leicester goalkeeper Danny Coyne Man of the Match. Hungary fired in ten shots (six on target) to Wales’ four (two) and won twelve corners to Wales’ two! But they could not break down the dragons’ wall.

Iceland 1-3 Romania (aggregate Iceland 2-6 Romania)

(The game did not preserve a match report)

Slovenia 0-3 Turkey (aggregate Slovenia 0-5 Turkey

Turkey played a defensive game away from home, but ironically did better than by their all out attack in the first leg. Goals from Nihat in the third minute and Sanil Tuncay and then Basturk on 65 and 67 minutes.

Spain 2-4 Ireland (same on aggregate)

Ireland took their revenge for the 2002 World Cup in an amazing night of humiliation for Spanish football.

The Spanish FA had shown their contempt for their opponents by booking the match at Murcia’s small La Condomina, which was pretty well packed out with 16,775 fans.

The home supporters had much to cheer in the first half. Jose Mari scored the opening goal in the fourth minute, and Juan Carlos Valeron the second on 29 minutes. Spain went into the dressing rooms at half time with a 2-0 lead.

It’s probably best not to imagine what Ireland’s Brian Kerr said at half time. Perhaps he just fed the team raw meat. In any case, they came out like men possessed.

Robbie Keane began the fight back. He took the ball on the half way line and chipped a long ball over the defence to Birmingham’s Clinton Morrison, who had only the goalkeeper to beat and did so easily, to record Ireland’s first goal in the 59th minute.

Within five minutes, Morrison passed a ball behind the defence to Holland, who scored a brilliant goal to give Ireland the lead on away goals.

But it did not stop there. On 76 minutes, Holland passed forward from the centre circle to Keane, who ran into the left side of the penalty area and passed across the defence to Morrison, who tucked the ball into the net. Ireland were ahead!

Man of the match Morrison finished his hat-trick on 87 minutes, with a blistering shot from outside the area.

Overall, Spain had twelve shots, six on target. Ireland had nine shots, all of them on target, and even led 7-5 on corners!

Qualifyers from the Play-Offs

Holland
Ireland
Romania
Turkey
Wales

[Roberto]

Draw for the group stage

Group A

Czech Republic
Denmark
England
Ireland

Group B

Bulgaria
Greece
Holland
Portugal

Group C

Italy
Sweden
Switzerland
Turkey

Group D

France
Germany
Romania
Wales.

Any guesses which teams would be likely to qualify?

[Katon]

Czech Rep, England, Holland, Portugal, Italy, Sweden, France, and Germany.

[atatange1]

England, Czech...Holland, Bulgaria...Italy, Sweden...France, Germany.

[Roberto]

You're both about half right.

Anyone else like to speculate?

[Roberto]

Meanwhile, around Europe

Juventus won the Champions League on penalties after a 1-1 draw with the defending champions AC Milan.

Parma won the UEFA Cup 1-0 over Real Mallorca.

Manchester United won the English Premiership with 83 points, well clear of Newcastle with 73, Chelsea with 72 and Arsenal with 71. “My” Spurs were fifth, with 61 points. Aston Villa, Charlton and Bolton were relegated; West Brom and Sunderland were automatically promoted from Division One plus Wigan through the play-offs. Manchester United also won the F A Cup 1-0 over Southampton and the League Cup 3-0 over Middlesbrough, which is a treble I suppose.

Hertha Berlin won the Bundeslega with 71 points just ahead of Dortmund with 69, followed by Beyer Leverkusen with 63 and Bayern Munich with 62. 1860 Munich, Frankfurt and Rostock were relegated. Bayern Munich also lost in the Cup Final 1-2 to Werder Bremen.

PSV Eindhoven won the Dutch League with 79 points, some way ahead of Ajax with 71 who were themselves some way ahead of NEC with 63 and Feyernoord with 58. FC Utrecht beat PSV 3-2 in the Cup Final, after extra time.

Inter Milan won Serie A with 79 points, followed by Roma with 76, Juventus with 70, AC Milan with 67 and Lazio with 65. Empoli, Modena and Ancona were relegated.

Celtic won the Scottish Premier League with 87 points, ahead of Rangers with 77. Hibs came third, with a remarkable 71 points, and Dunfermline were miles behind in fourth with 48. Partick Thistle were relegated. Celtic also won the Scottish Cup 5-1 over Hearts; Rangers has gone out to Hibs in the third round!!!

Real Madrid ran away with La Liga with 92 points. Bunched behind were Deportivo with 75, Betis also with 75, Atletico Madrid with 72 and Barcelona (failing to qualify for the Champions League yet again!) with 67. Racing Santander, Athletico Bilbao and Albacente were relegated. Deportive won the Copa del Rey 4-2 over Real Sociedad in extra time.

[Roberto]

The Tournament – Group B

Greece 3-3 Bulgaria

One group of players with long unpronounceable names ending in “-is” were matched by another group of players with shorter unpronounceable names ending in “-ov”.

Greek goals by Amanatidis, Nikolaidis and Karagounis, Bulgaria’s goals were two from Berbatov and one from Mlandenov.

Holland 1-1 Portugal

Edgar opened the scoring for Portugal on 11 minutes and Denny Landzaat equalised for Holland on 19 minutes. After that the Dutch had the better of the play with 11 shots (seven on target) to Portugal’s six (three on target).

All four teams level on one point each

Portugal 6-1 Greece

The hosts delighted a capacity crowd at Benfica’s new stadium with a spectacular triumph. First to score was Newcastle’s Hugo Viana on 19 minutes. Christos Patsalzoglou equalized on 22 minutes. Then Portugal took command, with goals from Meria on 28 minutes, Christiano Ronaldo on 34 and a penalty by Ferreria on 41. The hosts eased up a little after half time but finished the match in emphatic style, with a second for Christiano Ronaldo on 89 minutes and one for Edgar in injury time.

Portugal had nine shots, seven on target, and scored from six of them. Greece had five shots, two on target, and scored from one of them.

Bulgaria 1-1 Holland

Todorov took the lead, against the run of play, in the eighth minute. Hard though they pressed, Holland’s only success was Van Nistelrooy’s penalty in the 41st minute. Although the Dutch had the advantage, with thirteen shots overall, seven on target, to Bulgaria’s five and three, they could not break through for a winner.

Portugal top the group with four points and a massive goal difference, but Holland and Bulgaria are level on two points and could go through.

Portugal 1-0 Bulgaria

Portugal kept knocking on the door, with eleven attempts to Bulgaria’s nine, but trailed them in shots on target by three to six. Rui Costa scored the only goal of the game on 22 minutes, shortly after Sergio Conceicao had picked up a knee injury that would keep him out for the rest of the tournament. Young central defender Litas was sent off on 77 minutes but the ten men of Portugal still kept the door shut somehow. Goalkeeper Vitor Baia was man of the match.

Holland 6-1 Greece

Holland smashed their way to the semi finals with first half goals from van Nistelrooy, Overmars (a penalty), Makaay and Davids, topped off by an own goal from Grammozis on the 80th minute and a last minute goal from Kluivert. The Greek consolation goal came in the first half from Demis Nikolaidis (of Atletico Madrid). Holland had twelve shots, eight on target; Greece six and three. Man of the match was Holland’s Phillip Cocu, playing in the centre of midfield.

Portugal go through with seven points, Holland with five.

[Roberto]

The Tournament – Group C

Italy 1-1 Sweden

With both sides playing the offside trap, most of the game passed with little to interest the neutral spectator.

On 70 minutes, Nesta on the left wing passed to Fiore, who ran into the area and passed across goal to Zambrotta in the area, who was clattered off the ball by Mellberg. Albertini scored the penalty.

In the second minute of added time, Ibrahimovic broke away from Nesta, spotted Buffon off his line, and chipped the ball over him for a dramatic late equalizer.

Albertini was man of the match. Italy had nine shots, five on target, Sweden three and three.

Turkey 2-0 Switzerland

It could and should have been more decisive. Turkey dominated the game with eleven shots, six on target, restricting the Swiss to three of which only one was on target. Both goals for turkey were scored by Sanil Tuncay (who had been transferred by the A I from Fenerbahce to Real Madrid for £8.5million early in the season).

Turkey head the group with the only win

Sweden 0-2 Turkey

Another one sided game and another man of the match award for Tuncay, who scored the first Turkish goal on 14 minutes. Ilham Mansiz scored the second five minutes from time. Turkey had nine shots, five on target, Sweden three and two.

Switzerland 0-2 Italy

Even more one sided. Italy had twelve shots on goal, nine on target, while the Swiss had one, and it was wide. Totti scored the first on seven minutes, Albertini had a penalty saved on 17 but scored from the spot just before half time.

Man of the match went to Switzerland’s goalkeeper Jorg Steil of Borussia Monchengladbach (anyone who starts a chant of “give us a B” will be very, very sorry!). Perhaps it was out of pity.

Turkey are through with six points, Italy have four, Sweden need Italy to lose to have any chance of overtaking them, and Switzerland are out.

Italy 0-1 Turkey

A draw would have suited both teams, but there was still some attacking play, and more drama. Italy had fourteen shots, seven on target, Turkey nine and six. Basturk scored what would prove to be the only goal on 39 minutes. As the second half ticked by, Turkey began playing the offside trap and the Italians’ frustration boiled over. The final tally of fouls was Italy 17, Turkey 8 and of free kicks Italy 9 Turkey 21. Yellow cards for Bonera, Cannavaro, Nesta and Zauri of Italy and for Unsal and Emre of Turkey.

Sweden 1-0 Switzerland

Evenly matched game, but Sweden just could not find the net the four times it would have taken to overhaul Italy. Ibrahimovic scored his second goal of the tournament on 72 minutes.

Turkey top the group unbeaten, Italy go through on goal difference from Sweden, Switzerland have nul points.

[Roberto]

The Tournament – Group D

Wales 0-4 France

This was Wales’ chance to swim with the big boys, and they sank, holed below the waterline by Thierry Henry who had an outstanding game, scoring a hat trick and running through the defence on six separate occasions.

France had ten shots, seven on target, Wales three and one. Henry scored on 40, 49 and 58 minutes and Wiltord turned the knife with a fourth goal two minutes into added time.

Naturally, Henry was man of the match.

Romania 1-2 Germany

Germany made heavy weather of a game everyone expected them to win.

Germany had seventeen shots, ten on target. Romania had a better ratio, with ten and eight (star striker Florin Bratu of Galatasaray, whom I suspect may be an A I creation because at the age of 24 he has no match history before 2003, had five shots, all on target). All the goals came in a flurry in the second half. Deisler scored for Germany on 55 minutes, Bratu equalized on 57 and Oliver Neuville scored the German second on 62. Deisler was man of the match.

France and Germany both have three points

Romania 3-0 Wales

Once again, Wales were flattened. Romania had eighteen shots, ten on target; Wales had one and one. The only surprise is that they held the game scoreless until the 65th minute. Then the dam burst, with a goal from Munteanu followed by two more from Bratu in the 68th and 71st minutes. Bratu was man of the match.

Germany 1-2 France

To general astonishment, this was nearly as one sided as the previous game. Germany had no answer to Henry’s pace. He had nine shots, five of them on target and scored from two of them, in the 17th and 46th minutes. Kevin Kuranyi (of Stuttgart) scored a consolation goal for Germany in the 65th minute.

Overall, France had eighteen shots, eleven on target, Germany three and one.

Henry was man of the match for the second time.

France top the group with six points. Germany and Romania have three, Wales are out of it.

Whichever team does better out of Germany or Romania will go through to the next round. Romania are due to play France, so there’s a good chance they’ll lose. Germany are due to play a team which has lost two games from which they have a goal difference of 0-7.

Anyone want to bet against it being Germany?

[Katon]

Well, the fact that you're asking that question and breaking off the summary partway through suggests that Germany may be in for a surprise . . .

I'll bet on Romania

[Roberto]

Katon, you just might be right...

Group D – concluded

Imagine the British tabloids going to town on Wales v Germany.

“Be a dragon for the day”.

France 4-1 Romania

The only surprise in this game was who scored!

Henry scored first, after seven minutes, followed by two goals from Trezeguet on fifteen and (a penalty) seventeen minutes.

Bratu scored for Romania in the second minute of added time at the end of the first half.

France relaxed the pace in the second half. Trezeguet scored in hat-trick in the very last minute and was named man of the match.

Overall, France had twelve shots, ten of them on target, Romania two and two.

Wales v Germany

Although this game was played at the same time at the French game, with France leading 3-0 after 17 minutes all the German supporters must have realised that Germany only needed to draw.

By that time, Neuville had already gone through, to be beaten by a crucial tackle from Robert Page, and Metzler and Schneider had both had shots saved by Welsh keeper Danny Coyne (second choice keeper for Leicester City). Wales’ fastest player Craig Bellamy had gone off injured to be replaced by John Hartson who is about as mobile as Snowdonia.*

But a Wales team playing for pride is a dangerous thing. Wales stormed into the attack in the second part of the first half, with two shots by Koumas and a header from Hartson which hit the bar. The sides went into half time 0-0.

Wales kicked off the second half. Four minutes in (the 49th minute), Vaughan crossed from the left edge of the penalty area. Hartson headed the ball straight at Kahn in the German goal. Instead of catching the ball, he parried – and Hartson struck the rebound into the net.

Wales 1-0 Germany!

Germany struck back almost at once. From the restart, Neuville passed back to Ballack, who played the ball forward to Rahn on the left wing, who crossed to Kuranyi who slotted the ball past Coyne.

Wales 1-1 Germany

Wales continued to attack, with Pembridge shooting over the bar.

On 75 minutes Vaughan crossed the ball from the left again. Ricken pushed Jones in the area. Penalty!

Jones took the kick.

Saved by Kahn.

The ball rebounded to Jones, who scored.

Wales 2-1 Germany

Germany threw everyone forward, but they could not break down the Welsh defence, and the game ended 2-1 to Wales.

Overall, Wales had eleven shots, eight on target, Germany six and four.

France top the group with three wins out of three. Romania and Germany both have three points and both have a goal difference of minus one, but Romania have scored one more goal, so they go through. Wales also have three points, but goal difference of minus six.

Braut’s consolation goals against Germany and France made all the difference

*In the game Bellamy has Pace of 20, Hartson Pace of 9.

[Roberto]

The Tournament – Group A

Czech Republic 3-1 Ireland

A pretty even game, but the Czechs had the edge in accuracy with ten shots all of which were on target, compared with Ireland’s nine shots, only six of which were on target.

Robbie Keane opened the scoring for Ireland on 56 minutes. Liverpool’s Vladimir Smicer equalised on 66. The Czech’s pressure finally told with two late goals from Kaiserslautern’s Vratislav Lokvenc on 83 minutes and in the second minute of added time.

Czech captain Paval Nedved was injured and would have to miss the next game.

Denmark 1-0 England.

A travesty! A calamity! And an excuse for the tabloids to claim the England manager had turned from a Swede into a turnip.

England began the game with Owen and Rooney as twin strikers, but things started to go wrong in the third minute, when Gerrard was injured and had to be replaced by Hargreaves. Owen had three shots, all on target and all saved. Kieron Dyer had three shots, all over the bar. Then, in the first minute of added time, Sand passed from the left to Jensen who ran into the area, dribbled past Sol Campbell and passed the ball to Jon Dahl Tomasson (once of Newcastle, transferred by the game from Milan to Atletico Madrid for £6.5 million and that club’s highest scorer of the 2003-04 season) who shot past Richard Wright into the England net.

Denmark came out for the second half with a determinedly defensive outlook which England just could not break down. In desperation, Owen and Rooney were both taken off in the 61st minute and replaced by James Beattie and Shola Ameobi, but they had no more success.

Overall, Denmark had five shots, four on target, England eleven shots, five on target. The Danish keeper Thomas Sorensen was man of the match.

Czech Republic and Denmark have three points, England and Ireland none.

Czech Republic 0-1 Denmark

Not exactly an entertaining game, with the Czechs playing the offside trap with some success and catching the Danish forwards Ebbe Sand and Tomasson offside ten times between them. Martin Jorgensen scored the only goal, a penalty in the 19th minute after Fukal had backed into him in the area.

Overall Denmark had eight shots, four on target, the Czechs four and one.

Ireland 0-2 England

A closer run thing than it looked. Ireland had five shots, all of them on target, England twelve but only six of them on target. And Ireland also played the offside trap, catching various England players seven times.

With no score at half time, and the game pretty even, nerves were pretty frayed, and became even more so as the second half progressed.

On 57 minutes England’s goalkeeper Paul Robinson passed the ball forward to Dyer in the centre circle who trapped the ball and passed forward to Scholes who passed forward and left to Owen who had the only the keeper to beat … and scored at the near post.

Almost immediately afterwards, Owen and Rooney were again the subject of a double substitution for Beattie and Ameobi.

On 78 minutes, Beattie centred the ball for Dyer who was tripped in the area by Cunningham. Beattie scored the penalty, his first goal for his country.

Paul Robinson was man of the match.

Denmark lead the group with six points. England and the Czech Republic have three and equal goal difference (+2), but the Czechs have scored one goal more. So England need to beat the Czech Republic to go through. A draw will not be enough.

No pressure then!

This time, Owen and Beattie started up front, with Rooney on the bench (where he stayed). The plan appeared to be that Beattie would be better able to head in the crosses supplied by Beckham on the right wing and Joe Cole on the left. In this, he was conspicuously unsuccessful. He also missed a sitter just before half time and was replaced by Ameobi on 61 minutes.

England pressed and pressed and pressed, but there were no goals in the first half or in the second. Then, just as four minutes of added time was announced, Wayne Bridge sent the ball from the far post to the left. It was met by Ameobi. Chezh keeper Cech blocked the shot with his body and it rebounded to Beckham, who had an easy chance and took it.

England 1-0 Czech Republic

Overall England had eleven shots, seven on target, to the Czechs’ seven and four. England keeper Paul Robinson was man of the match.

Denmark 1-2 Ireland

Denmark had already qualified, and Ireland were playing for pride, so perhaps the result was not wholly surprising. Rommedahl opened the scoring for Denmark on eight minutes and Clinton Morrison equalised on 28. David Connolly scored the winner in the 69th minute.

Overall, Denmark had eight shots, four on target, Ireland four and three.

England top the group on goal difference from Denmark, each with six points. The Czech Republic and Ireland both have three points

[Roberto]

Quarter-Finals

Denmark 0-1 Portugal

Portugal took the lead on six minutes when Rui Costa in the centre circle passed forward to Edgar, who ran ahead of two Danish defenders and scored.

Portugal continued to attack and Denmark continued to try, but with less success. Overall, Portugal had eight shots, six on target while Denmark had ten, but only four of them were on target.

Man of the match was Danish central defender Martin Laursen.

France 0-1 Italy

Same score, but a very, very different game.

On six minutes, Zauri took a throw in which was picked up by Sagnol on the French right, who tried to pass to Viera in the centre … but the ball was intercepted by Fiore, who ran through the defence and scored.

After that Italy reverted to the tried and tested technique of holding on to an early lead by defending in depth. They also tried an offside trap, though it only caught France three times.

Overall, only 11% of the game was played in the third of the pitch nearest to the French goal. France had eleven shots on goal, seven on target (including four and three for Zidane and three and two for Henry), while Italy had four shots, two on target. Yet France could not find a way to put the ball into the net.

Not surprisingly, Italian keeper Buffon was man of the match.

Turkey 1-1 Romania

This might have been a repeat of one of the previous games after Serban scored for Romania in the tenth minute. But Romania’s defense was not as solid as Italy’s, nor was Turkey’s attack as hopeless as Denmark’s, and Fatih Sonkaya levelled the score on 62 minutes.

Turkey had the best of the game, with fourteen shots, seven on target, to Romania’s six shots, only two of which were on target.

The high point of extra time was the sending off of Romania’s Rodoi two minutes in, for a professional foul on Tuncay. After this Romania pulled back into their shell and waited for penalties. And they were not wrong.

Basturk took the first penalty for Turkey and scored.

Serban’s penalty in response was saved by Rustu. 1-0 to Turkey.

Nihat’s penalty was saved. Contra scored for Romania. 1-1.

Tuncay’s penalty was saved. Pancu scored. 1-2 .

Ozat blasted the ball over the bar.

Romania would win if Filipescu scored.

And he did. Romania go through 3-1 on penalties.

Romania’s keeper Bogdan Labont (of Modena) was man of the match.

England 0-0 Holland

The English tabloids would have reminded all their readers about England’s 4-1 win over Holland in Euro ’96 (along with jokes about clog dancing and stories from stag weekends in Amsterdam).

But the game was very different. England were under pressure from the first minute, when Woodgate made a vital tackle on van Nistelrooy. And on 59 minutes things went from bad to dangerous when England’s inspirational captain David Beckham went in hard on Edgar Davids and was sent off by referee Anders Frisk. Forwards Owen and Ameobi were taken off immediately, for Beattie to go it alone up front and Gerrard to shore up the midfield.

It was not a good day for the forwards. Overall, England had six shots on goal, only two of which were on target. Holland had nine, four of which were on target. England’s one consolation was that 50% of their crosses were successful, contrasted with only 13% of the Dutch crosses. But that won’t last long without Beckham.

Somehow, England held out for a penalty shoot-out.

England’s only recognised forward left on the pitch, James Beattie, took the first penalty – straight at Dutch keeper van der Sar.

Davids scored. 0-1 to Holland.

Campbell scored. 1-1

Van Nistelrooy scored. 1-2

Butt scored. 2-2

Robinson made a brilliant save fromVan Bronckhorst. Still 2-2.

Gary Neville scored. 3-2 to England.

Landzaat scored. 3-3

Dyer scored. 4-3.

Wilfred Bouma had to score to keep Holland in the game.

Robinson saved!

England won 4-3 on penalties!

England keeper Paul Robinson was man of the match.

David Beckham will be banned for three games, including the semi final and the final if England reach it.

Semi Finalists

England v Italy
Portugal v Romania

Anyone like to guess who will win the tournament?

[Roberto]

First Semi-Final

Portugal v Romania

Estadio Jose de Alvalade, Lisbon before a crowd of 52,377.

Portugal 4-4-2

Vitor Baia in goal

Rui Jorge, Meira (sub Simao, 70), Andrade and Ferreira

Christiano Ronaldo (of Man U), Viana (of Newcastle) (sub Litos, 58), Rui Costa and Figo.

Numo Gomes (sub Makukula, 58) and Edgar up front.

Romania also 4-4-2

Lobont in goal.

Razvan Rat, Chivu, Rosu and Contra.

Dorinel Munteanu (sub Florar, 72), Serban, Catalin Munteanu and Petre (sub Codrea, 72).

Pancu (injured and sub Ogararu, 58) and Bratu up front.

Hugo Viana opened the scoring for Portugal on 13 minutes, after which they never looked in serious danger. After a period of pressure in the second half, bratu scored an equalizer on 76 minutes. The game went into extra time, then into the second period of extra time, when Edgar scored the winner on 109 minutes.

Portugal 2-1 Romania

Overall Portugal had sixteen shots, nine on goal, Romania ten, five on goal.

Portuguese substitute Makukula was man of the match.

Second Semi-Final

England v Italy

Estadio Sport Lisboa e Benfica, Lisbon before a crowd of 46,560.

(Imagine the frenzy the English tabloids would have stirred up. Perhaps one would have printed all the old jokes about the favourite direction of the Italian armed forces, and another would have offered free videos of the game show known to late night cable viewers as “Italian Stripping Housewives”).

England 4-4-2

Robinson in goal

Bridge, Woodgate, Ferdinand and Campbell.

Joe Cole (sub Hargreaves, 63) , Scholes (sub Butt, 74), Gerrard and Dyer.

Owen and Ameobi (sub Rooney, 63) up front.

Italy also 4-4-2

Buffon in goal

Zauri, Cannavaro, Nesta (sub Legrottalie, 79) and Bonera (sub Vieri, 89).

Zambrotta, Albertini, Gatuso and Fiore

Totti (sub Del Piero, 79) and Corradi up front.

England took an early lead in the eighth minute, when Gerrard took the ball round Buffon, had a clear shot on goal and scored. England then adopted a defensive style and set out to beat the Italians at their own game (of sitting on an early lead). In one respect this was successful; English players were caught offside twice, Italians eight times. But it did not stop Nesta heading an Albertini corner into the goal on 36 minutes.

Scores were level at half time and still at full time. England’s semi-final would go into extra time, just like their quarter final.

Would it go to another penalty shootout?

No!

In the second minute of extra time, Bridge aimed a throw-in to Hargreaves, who chipped the ball to Owen in the area, who lobbed from a tight angle … the ball took a deflection off the alarmingly named Nicola Legrottgaglie and went into the net.

On 99 minutes, Woodgate headed to Butt, who held up the ball then played an inch-perfect pass to Dyer, who ran into the box and scored.

England 3-1 Italy

England won on the silver goals rule.

Overall, England had twelve shots, six on target, Italy nine shots, seven on target.

England’s Kieron Dyer was named man of the match.

[daedalus]

Hmmmm. You mean to tell me that Owen Hargreaves AND Kieron Dyer are healthy enough to play for England? At the same time?

[daedalus]

Oh, yeah . . . EWWWWWWWWWWWW, Spurs! :D

Good reading so far, though. Thank you. :)

[MIJB#19]

Quarter-Finals England 0-0 Holland
Somehow, England held out for a penalty shoot-out.
England won 4-3 on penalties!CM: Most realistic simulation ever...
If this happens IRL too, it will mark the fourth consecutive elimination on penalties in a European Championship for "us", also fourth straight summer tournament.

[Roberto]

Thanks for reading, chaps.

And now - the conclusion.

[Roberto]

The Final

Portugal v England.

Estadio da Luz, Lisbon, before a crowd of 90,227.

(The English tabloids would have had no obvious Portuguese racial stereotypes with which to stir up their readers. Perhaps they would have printed a turf-coloured prayer mat on which to pray for victory (as at the time of Euro 2000)).

Portugal 4-4-2

Vitor Baia in goal

Rui Jorge (sub Carvalho), Meira, Andrade and Ferreira.

Simao (sub Christiano Ronaldo of Man U), Hugo Viana (of Newcastle) (sub Mario Silva), Rui Costa and Figo.

Edgar and Makukula up front

England also 4-4-2

Paul Robinson in goal

Bridge, Ferdinand, Campbell and Gary Neville

Joe Cole (sub Hargreaves), Scholes (sub Butt), Gerrard and Dyer.

Owen (sub Ameobi) and Beattie up front.

Portugal kicked off. On eight minutes Bridge played a long ball to Gerrard, who shot wide. On 16 minutes Beattie looked certain to score until Viana made the vital tackle. On 23 minutes Dyer took a corner which was headed away from the area by Jorge Andrade. On 33 minutes Bridge crossed into the area to Beattie who headed to Owen, who shot over the bar.

Against the run of play, on 35 minutes Ferreira played the ball to Figo, who shot over the bar. Robinson hit the goal kick forward to Neville on the right. Neville passed back to Robinson. Robinson stumbled. It looked as if he ran ahead of the ball. Makukula ran onto the ball and slotted it into the empty net.

Was a softer goal ever seen?

Portugal 1-0 England.

From the restart, Owen passed to Scholes who passed to Gerrard who controlled the ball and hit it forward to Beattie, who nodded it to Owen (who had run into a shooting position), but Ferreira made the vital challenge.

On 44 minutes Owen actually put a shot on target, but it was brilliantly saved by Vitor Baia. Cole intercepted, ran down the left wing and was intercepted by Figo. Bridge threw to Gerrard from the throw-in but Meira headed the ball away.

Two minutes of added time saw a corner from Dyer to Cole headed away by Makukula, a throw-in by Bridge to Gerrard headed away by Ferreira and a shot by Bridge over the bar.

To the delight of the home supporters, Portugal went into half time with a 1-0 lead.

They came out for the second half with two substitutes: Carvalho for Viana and Christiano Ronaldo for Simao.

England kicked off. Owen hit the ball right to Dyer who ran forward into an inch perfect tackle from Rui Jorge. From the corner, Dyer floated the ball into the area and Rui Costa headed it away.

On 47 minutes, Dyer slid in unfairly on Ronaldo. From the free kick, Rui Jorge played the ball forward to Meira who paused, waited for support and passed the ball to Makukula who ran into the box and hit a shot which Robinson did well to save.

On 50 minutes, Owen played the ball square to Beattie, who got up above Andrade to head the ball – into the arms of Vitor Baia. A minute later, Gerrard headed the ball to Owen who was in space and hit a volley – straight at Vitor Baia. Two minutes after that, Gerrard picked up a loose ball and passed to Scholes, who shot wide.

On 57 minutes Meira passed the ball to Figo’s feet. Figo tried to curl one in from long range, but shot way over the bar. From the goal kick, Robinson hit a long pass to Cole, who played the ball down the line to Owen who centered the ball to Beattie who headed – straight at Vitor Baia.

On 60 minutes, Rui Jorge was substituted by Mario Silva.

On 64 minutes, Sol Campbell climbed above Ronaldo to head the ball to Dyer who brought it forward past Mario Silva and centred the ball to Scholes. Meira made a vital challenge for Portugal. Gerrard collected the ball, ran into the area and shot for goal, but Vitor Baia made the save.

With England running out of time, all three substitutions were made together on 66 minutes – Hargreaves for Cole, Butt for Gerrard and Ameobi for Owen.

On 71 minutes, Ferdinand angled the ball out left first time for Beattie. Carvalho backed into and fouled Beattie. From the free kick Bridge played the ball down the left, Hargreaves jinked past Ferreira and played the ball towards Dyer in the area.

Dyer was pushed by Mario Silva.

Penalty to England!

Beattie scored from the spot.

Portugal 1-1 England.

On 76 minutes Dyer was booked after pushing Rui Costa. Figo flighted in the free kick but Robinson caught it.

On 78 minutes, Ameobi flicked the ball on to Beattie, whose shot was saved. On 84 minutes, Ameobi looked to chip over Vitor Baia but the attempt was saved. On 87 minutes Beattie was clean through in the area. Vitor Baia pushed the shot away, beattie pounced on the rebound – and put it well wide. On 89 minutes Ferreira passed to Figo, who chipped to Edgar, who won the ball in the air from Campbell and headed to Rui Costa, who was free of the last defended – but shot wide.

Once again in this tournament an England game would go into extra time.

Extra time saw few incidents. Dyer shot over the bar from a free kick and Beattie shot over the bar. Otherwise, it was as if the players were resigned to a penalty shootout.

Overall, England had sixteen shots, nine on target, Portugal six with three on target. But now everything rested on the penalties.

Makukula scored. Portugal lead 1-0 on penalties.

Beattie scored. 1-1

Andrade scored. 2-1

Scholes scored. 2-2

Ferreira scored. 3-2

Campbell scored. 3-3

Figo scored. 4-3

Butt scored. 4-4

Mario Silva shot over the bar!

England would win if Shola Ameobi, who had come on as a substitute for Newcastle twice as often as he had started in the previous season, scored the fifth penalty.

He did. 5-4 to England on penalties.

ENGLAND WIN THE EUROPEAN CHAMPIONSHIPS.

Now you can see why I wanted to tell this story.

Two statistics

Highest scorer (Golden Boot award) – Thierry Henry with six (no England player scored more than two).

Highest average rating in the tournament – Thierry Henry (9.25) (highest England rating Dyer with 7.33)

After the tournament, the managers of Germany, France, Turkey and Holland were sacked (the game retired the manager of Italy during the tournament when updating statistics, or he would surely have gone too).

I rather suspect the England manager would have been knighted.

[daedalus]

Wow. Manager for Portugal would be going nuts with the Silva substitution. Nice recap. :)

And Titi is a bad man! :D

[Roberto]

You're right, daedalus. It all started to go wrong for Portugal when Silva came on.

Here's some bonus info, for you and other admirers of Titi, about the English Premiership this virtual 2003-04 season.

Player Ratings:

Henry 8.34
Crespo 7.76
Mutu 7.73

Goals:
Henry 33
Crespo 26
Then a big gap until jointly:
Marcus Bent 19
Wayne Rooney 19

Player of the Year: Henry (who else?)

Young Player of the Year: Postiga (of "my" Spurs).

And just to confirm that the fiction of the virtual world is even stranger than reality:

Spurs' biggest league win:
Tottenham 5-0 Arsenal
(two by Keane, two by Postiga one by Davies).

Spurs' biggest league defeat:
Arsenal 4-0 Tottenham
(two by Henry, one by Viera and one by Mexes, on loan from Auxerre).