Sab presents "How I'm a loser"

[sabotai]

Preface this by saying I don't like salt-water taffy. I'll eat it from time to time, but my instant reaction to salt-water taffy is that I don't want it. Also preface this by saying I hate people, I avoid eye-contact with strangers at all cost and anytime I'm in a situation, I do whatever it is that gets me out of having to talk to people I don't know the fastest. It's my instictual reaction.

I go to the bank today as I usually do on Fridays to deposit my check. This time I happen to go to a branch I usually don't. My bank is Commerce Bank and they have a Penny Arcade (coin counter) machine next to the teller counter. Important that you know it's on the left of the counter (Much like in poker, person position is important to this story)

They have this girl standing there. Yes, a hot one. I don't get the best view of her face (I don't want to look like a stalker or pervert) but she's cute and has this totally bangin' body. long legs, nice ass, waistline, breasts, neckline (I've learned to analize a woman's body in mere seconds). The works. Such a nice body.

A guy walks up and she helps him with the Penny Arcade. Now...I get to stare. :) And I'm thinking, "I have no chance with this chick. None whatsoever. Here I am, fat, there she is, bangin'. As I stand here fantasizing about all of the things I could do to that body, I am fat and unattractive."

My turn. I go up and hand the teller (3rd over from the Penny Arcade, there are 4 people being helped) my check and checking deposit slip. Out of the corner of my eye I see the hot piece of ass walk up to me. She hands out something and she asks "Would you like some salt-water taffy?". Since I don't like salt-water taffy and my instictual reaction is to get out of being talked to as fast as possible, of course you all can see by now what my instant, "didn't think about it for even a split second" reaction was. I say "No thank you." as I look up to see her smile, say "Ok" and walk away. It was then I realized that she did not go to the person to my right and ask them if they wanted any. It was then that I realized that she did not offer to the 2 customers to my left. At that INSTANT I realize that it was me. I was the destination of her short trip over from the Penny Arcade. Me. Within a second of her saying ok, I realized I had made an awful mistake.

Anyone looking directly at me saw a small grimace come over my face at that moment. I get my receipt and head out the door. I sat in my car for a few minutes replaying what just happened over and over in my mind. This hot chick, who had a body that at this moment I'm still thinking about, came up to me....

....and I said "No thank you."

I hate myself.

[Franklinnoble]

I'm guessing it wouldn't do much good to ask for pix...

[JonInMiddleGA]

More people than are likely to admit it have "been there" too.
Not that you are likely to find much consolation in that right now ...




You fuckin' loser


:D

[GrantDawg]

My life (not necessarily dealing with a hot girl, but just about everything in general) in a nutshell.

[Ksyrup]

Cheer up. I'm sure that you weren't her sole destination; it's just that your rejection crushed her soul, and she lost the will to offer taffy to anyone else in line.

[GrantDawg]

Cheer up. I'm sure that you weren't her sole destination; it's just that your rejection crushed her soul, and she lost the will to offer taffy to anyone else in line.
Or maybe she was just trying to get rid of crappy taffy and thought "the fat guy will eat it. I bet he would eat anything." http://dynamic2.gamespy.com/%7Efof/forums/images/smilies/biggrin.gif

[sabotai]

Cheer up. I'm sure that you weren't her sole destination; it's just that your rejection crushed her soul, and she lost the will to offer taffy to anyone else in line.

Good, because next week I'm going to that same fucking branch at the same fucking time and hoping that she's there again and I can get a second chance.

[rufusjonz]

Well even if you had handled this situation smoothly and actually got her number or gone out with her, you would prob have f*cked it up like i do quite often lately ...

:(

[sabotai]

Or maybe she was just trying to get rid of crappy taffy and thought "the fat guy will eat it. I bet he would eat anything." http://dynamic2.gamespy.com/%7Efof/forums/images/smilies/biggrin.gif

LMAO. I needed that. :)

[rufusjonz]

Or maybe she was just trying to get rid of crappy taffy and thought "the fat guy will eat it. I bet he would eat anything." http://dynamic2.gamespy.com/%7Efof/forums/images/smilies/biggrin.gif


LOL LOL LOL

[Ksyrup]

We are all collectively pissed at you, however, for dropping the ball on this one. CW's thread needs some company.

[Bad-example]

The important thing is not to spend your time regretting how it went down.

The important thing is, how long will this girl be good fantasy material? ;)

[Kodos]

Didn't George have a similar incident on Seinfeld?

[Franklinnoble]

Or maybe she was just trying to get rid of crappy taffy and thought "the fat guy will eat it. I bet he would eat anything." http://dynamic2.gamespy.com/%7Efof/forums/images/smilies/biggrin.gif
My hero...

http://dynamic2.gamespy.com/%7Efof/forums/images/smilies/biggrin.gifhttp://dynamic2.gamespy.com/%7Efof/forums/images/smilies/biggrin.gifhttp://dynamic2.gamespy.com/%7Efof/forums/images/smilies/biggrin.gifhttp://dynamic2.gamespy.com/%7Efof/forums/images/smilies/biggrin.gifhttp://dynamic2.gamespy.com/%7Efof/forums/images/smilies/biggrin.gifhttp://dynamic2.gamespy.com/%7Efof/forums/images/smilies/biggrin.gif

[Surtt]

Whats wrong with salt-water taffy?

[heybrad]

Didn't George have a similar incident on Seinfeld?
George didnt go up for coffee.

[bbor]

Sab...you're not fat....just big boned....at least that's what my mom always said to me:D

[sachmo71]

How about going back and asking for her number? Think of it as a training course.

[rufusjonz]

How cute women often end up being stalked Ver 1.1

[judicial clerk]

OK class, how should Sab have handled this situation differently. I wouls especially like to hear from some of the girls this time.

[Philliesfan980]

I think you should go back ASAP and try and get her number. If she says no, what the hell, its not your normal branch, you just never go back there again.

[bbor]

Bring her some salt water taffee and offer it to her.

[Sun Tzu]

Ask her if she's down with rimjobs.

[rufusjonz]

Tell her you've got some Taffy that needs pulling, its very salty i hear...

[Sun Tzu]

Ask her what he thoughts on a players volatility rating is.

[Franklinnoble]

25 posts and not one "Cocky and Funny" remark.

This board is slipping.

[Samdari]

The good looking ones just end up cheating on you.

[Franklinnoble]

Ask her if she's a middle school teacher...

[CamEdwards]

stand in front of her, then spontaneously ejaculate in your pants. Smile creepily at her and say "you made me do that." Repeat as necessary.

[GrantDawg]

stand in front of her, then spontaneously ejaculate in your pants. Smile creepily at her and say "you made me do that." Repeat as necessary.
That's how Cam met his wife.

[Maple Leafs]

If it makes you feel any better, in today's youth culture "salt water taffy" is slang for "oral sex".

No, wait, I suppose that wouldn't make you feel any better...

[Radii]

oh man this thread is gold. Keep it up, everyone.

[sabotai]

The good looking ones just end up cheating on you.

Aye, that they do.

[cwilloughby]

I think at this point your only recourse is to return to said branch with $63,992.50 in change to exchange.

The amount is important because it will give you enough time for nature to take its course. After several days of watching the machine make little to no progress, she will give in to her earthly desires and become your slave.

That, or she will shove the change up your ass.

However, if you look at the bright side, getting $63,992.50 in change shoved up your ass by a hot woman could be considered kinky. :)

[CamEdwards]

That's how Cam met his wife.

hey, at least my wife doesn't call out the names of Duran Duran members in bed. :)

[oliegirl]

You guys are so cruel! Sabotai is not a loser...he acted and did what any of you I am sure have done on at least one occasion. You see someone who you think is out of your league, and when they approach you, it doens't even dawn on you to think they have ulterior motives.

It's a little late now, but you should have either gone back in and made up an excuse to get in her line (forgot to make a deposit or withdrawl, have a question, whatever) (NOTE TO ALL OTHER READERS - ABSOLUTELY NO JOKES OR OFF COLOR REMARKS ABOUT THE "DEPOSIT OR WITHDRAWL" LINE IN THIS POST!!!!!) and tried to start a conversation with her. Even if it's just smiling and saying hello. If she answers back, take the lead and ask her some questions, mention that isn't your usual branch, etc...see if you can find out any more info about her.

Being that it's too late for that, if you know her name, even first name, you could call the bank, ask to speak with her - tell her who you are and then say she had the best smile you had seen in a long time and you kept wishing you'd asked her for a drink. See what she says - the worst she can do is say no thanks, and then there isn't really any humiliation b/c it's over the phone and you don't bank there anyway.

[VPI97]

stand in front of her, then spontaneously ejaculate in your pants. Smile creepily at her and say "you made me do that." Repeat as necessary.LOL

[bbor]

hey, at least my wife doesn't call out the names of Duran Duran members in bed. :)

Mine does this.....i have to wear Duran Duran concert t-shirts to bed:)

:(

[Maple Leafs]

Sab, in all seriousness, this should make you feel better.

I've been in that situation (smoking hot girl way out of your league starts hitting on you for no discernible reason) once before. Unlike you, I din't choke. I rolled with it, flirted back. A little bit cocky, a little bit funny. One thing lead to another. You know how it is.

Here's the thing: I ended up marrying her. Ten years later, I have never scored with another woman again, and know that I never will.

There but for the grace of god...

[sachmo71]

I'm going to ask my wife if I can make a "deposit" in her "slot".

Thanks, oliegirl!!!!!

[Solecismic]

Obviously some sort of food maven, my guess. She sees a guy who looks like he enjoys food, and she tries out her special new salt water taffy recipe. I think you were looking at four, maybe five months minimum of absolutely fantastic meals. With benefits.

And all you had to do was humor her by pretending to like a little bit of syrup and sugar.

[Pyser]

i worked on a rock tour this springr (stay with me, this is going somewhere). for the last 2 shows on the west coast, the usual merchandise guy went home, so the t-shirt company sent a smoking hot 19-year old 'part time' italian model (they exist, apparently). anyway, every roadie took his shot with her, and got shot down.

the guy i was closest to on tour just talked to her about the doodles she kept drawing, ended up getting her phone number as a friend, and the tour ended. he went home to florida, she stayed in california.

long story short, 5 months later, they just had sex on the beach two nights ago. my friend now swears he will never not talk to a hot girl again. you just never know.

[JeeberD]

Obviously some sort of food maven, my guess. She sees a guy who looks like he enjoys food, and she tries out her special new salt water taffy recipe. I think you were looking at four, maybe five months minimum of absolutely fantastic meals. With benefits.

And all you had to do was humor her by pretending to like a little bit of syrup and sugar.


Front Office Taffy speculation in 3...2...1...

[Solecismic]

Front Office Taffy speculation in 3...2...1...

Okay, this is getting more trite than even the trout comments.

[bbor]

There but for the grace of god...

Do you have this phrase painted on your bedroom walls as the Canadians do in their dressing room? :D

[CraigSca]

the guy i was closest to on tour just talked to her the doodles she kept drawing

Can anyone explain to a 35 year old what this means? Does that mean they shared a meatball sandwich or something?

[Alf]

25 posts and not one "Cocky and Funny" remark.
This board is slipping.Even worse, you posted 4 times and no mention of the Ladies Men. I am truely disappointed...

[KWhit]

Before I opened this thread, I saw the thread title - Sab presents "How I'm a loser" and thought:

Longest.Post.Ever.


:)

[sabotai]

Ten years later, I have never scored with another woman again, and know that I never will.

And this was supposed to encourage me to go after this girl? :D

Thanks for the serious replies (and the humor ones. I can have a sense of humor about this. :) ). The bank she works at is about 15 minutes from my house (as is the one I usually go to, it's just in a different direction). So it's not like it's 100 miles away. I'll just start going there every week instead of the other one and see what happens.

[Alf]

Good decision sab !

[Pyser]

Can anyone explain to a 35 year old what this means? Does that mean they shared a meatball sandwich or something?


ah, thanks for pointing that out. should say "talked to her about the doodles she kept drawing.

ive edited my original post, too, so that more people can ignore it. :)

[bbor]

Dynasy pls.k.thx.

[Sun Tzu]

This thread needs more Balldog.

[Philliesfan980]

And this was supposed to encourage me to go after this girl? :D

Thanks for the serious replies (and the humor ones. I can have a sense of humor about this. :) ). The bank she works at is about 15 minutes from my house (as is the one I usually go to, it's just in a different direction). So it's not like it's 100 miles away. I'll just start going there every week instead of the other one and see what happens.


You have to get in there before next Friday. In todays world, you gotta move a little quicker. Who knows, by next Friday, she may have found someone else to give taffy to.

[Ksyrup]

You guys are so cruel! Sabotai is not a loser...he acted and did what any of you I am sure have done on at least one occasion. You see someone who you think is out of your league, and when they approach you, it doens't even dawn on you to think they have ulterior motives.
You know, this is completely true, except it wouldn't have even dawned on me after the fact like it did for Sab that she might have been interested in anything other than pawning off some taffy. My wife and I worked together before we were dating, and she was the one who made the first move with me. I was clueless.

[hhiipp]

I was clueless.
Understatement of the year.

[Ksyrup]

Understatement of the year.
It has wide application as well!

[sabotai]

I should also point out that this hot chick approached me while I was wearing a pair of jean shorts. :D

[Ksyrup]

Hehe

[MikeVic]

I should also point out that this hot chick approached me while I was wearing a pair of jean shorts. :D

Hmmm... maybe that's the secret...

[Pumpy Tudors]

So, um, I wish sabotai good luck and all, but what should he do when he goes back to that bank? I wouldn't be 100% confident that she's just going to offer up some saltwater taffy again. In fact, if she wanted anything more than to pawn off some taffy, she may think sab's not interested in her, so she may keep her distance.

[tucker342]

You know, I have about 100 stories like yours...

But for once I actually went for it, and it paid off big time. Here's the story...

Usually on Thursdays I have 3 classes right in a row. My 2nd class in the trio, which is my Biology Lab class was let out 90 mins early, because it was the first meeting of the year(it's usually a 2 hr class). Because of this, I had a whole hell of a lot of time to burn, with really nothing to do. So I decided to go to the IMU(It's the main building on the University of Iowa campus) to study. As I'm looking around for a place to sit, I notice that the lobby of The Iowa House Hotel(hotel inside of the IMU) would work perfectly. As I'm walking over to sit down, I notice this really, really, really hot girl sitting their reading. While I'm walking over, we make eye contact, and she gives me a very flirtatus(sp?) smile, but like countless other times, I pretend to not notice and sit on the opposite side of the lobby. After about 20 mins, I decided to just go for it. I introduce my self, we flirt, we talk about sex, we talk about where each one of us has always wanted to have sex, you know, the usual stuff you talk about with a girl you've just met;). To make a long story a little bit shorter, she gives me her number, I give her my number, we hug, and I go off to class. Later that night, she called me and said that she was going home this weekend, otherwise I'd be getting my first college booty call(not in those words, but that's basically what she said). Ah well there's always next weekend:D

For the first time in my life, instead of throwing the ball away when I had a wide open reciever, I went for it all, and scored a touchdown.:D

[sabotai]

Been thinking about that Pumpy. At least I got about 6 3/4 more days to come up with something. Something along the line of making eye contact and smiling at her would be a good start.

[sabotai]

For the first time in my life, instead of throwing the ball away when I had a wide open reciever, I went for it all, and scored a touchdown.:D

[cue American Pie reference]
You don't score until you score! :)

[CraigSca]

You know, I have about 100 stories like yours...

But for once I actually went for it, and it paid off big time. Here's the story...

Usually on Thursdays I have 3 classes right in a row. My 2nd class in the trio, which is my Biology Lab class was let out 90 mins early, because it was the first meeting of the year(it's usually a 2 hr class). Because of this, I had a whole hell of a lot of time to burn, with really nothing to do. So I decided to go to the IMU(It's the main building on the University of Iowa campus) to study. As I'm looking around for a place to sit, I notice that the lobby of The Iowa House Hotel(hotel inside of the IMU) would work perfectly. As I'm walking over to sit down, I notice this really, really, really hot girl sitting their reading. While I'm walking over, we make eye contact, and she gives me a very flirtatus(sp?) smile, but like countless other times, I pretend to not notice and sit on the opposite side of the lobby. After about 20 mins, I decided to just go for it. I introduce my self, we flirt, we talk about sex, we talk about where each one of us has always wanted to have sex, you know, the usual stuff you talk about with a girl you've just met;). To make a long story a little bit shorter, she gives me her number, I give her my number, we hug, and I go off to class. Later that night, she called me and said that she was going home this weekend, otherwise I'd be getting my first college booty call(not in those words, but that's basically what she said). Ah well there's always next weekend:D

For the first time in my life, instead of throwing the ball away when I had a wide open reciever, I went for it all, and scored a touchdown.:D

Wow! Sounds like you took cocky and funny to the next level! 'grats!

[CamEdwards]

how long ago was this, Tucker?

[IMetTrentGreen]

does anyone else feel like the discovery channel should be filming this? you won't find a more typical nerd behavior anywhere

ok, first off, don't be like most guys and mistake being nice for flirting. 99% of the time this is what it is. just being friendly. second, dont go back every week like some dork, go back tomorrow and ask her for her number. i'm telling you from experience, having been reformed from the very behavior you are contemplating, that the best course of action is directness, not the passive sit and back and see what happens. if she wants to say yes, she'll say yes tomorrow the same as next week

[vex]

how long ago was this, Tucker?
I'm guessing today or yesterday.

[Maple Leafs]

And this was supposed to encourage me to go after this girl? :D
Hm, well if your flirting skills are as well-refined as your sarcasm-detection, you should be golden.

[rufusjonz]

does anyone else feel like the discovery channel should be filming this? you won't find a more typical nerd behavior anywhere

ok, first off, don't be like most guys and mistake being nice for flirting. 99% of the time this is what it is. just being friendly. second, dont go back every week like some dork, go back tomorrow and ask her for her number. i'm telling you from experience, having been reformed from the very behavior you are contemplating, that the best course of action is directness, not the passive sit and back and see what happens. if she wants to say yes, she'll say yes tomorrow the same as next week


Yeah a lot of guys, including me sometimes, mistake being nice and friendly for flirting ... see my earlier stalker post.

[rufusjonz]

:D Girl "Sabo look what i've got for youuuuuu"

http://www.clearcandy.com/taffy.jpg

[rufusjonz]

Girl: "Sabo you want to see a picture of my bedroom?"

http://www.dutchmans-hiddenvalley.com/products/taffy.jpg

[psychedelicate-girl]

hey, at least my wife doesn't call out the names of Duran Duran members in bed. :)
HEY! Not "members"...just John. Get it right! His is the only mask I could find.

[sabotai]

..

[sabotai]

Girl: "Sabo you want to see a picture of my bedroom?"

http://www.dutchmans-hiddenvalley.com/products/taffy.jpg

If she eats that much salt-water taffy and has the body that she does, then she is most definatly a goddess.

And wtf was that a picture of above this one?

[rufusjonz]

someone is literally "pulling taffy" in that pix

[sabotai]

....that's disgusting.

[Philliesfan980]

I didn't intend this to be an advise thread. Maybe I should clear it up. I don't care if I get this chick or not. I'll go back, if something happens, it does, if not, it doesn't. No big deal. My ex is kindly enough to still have sex with me, so it's not like I'm starved for sex.

The reason I was mad was because I had a chance delivered to me on a silver platter and I fucked it up. But no worries. I'll just go to my ex's next weekend, have sex, and all will be right with the world again. :)

I don't know. If this girl really looks the way you describe her, this could be a once in a lifetime opportunity. I know you want to go up to her, its just whether or not you have the guts to. Its not easy, but take a chance, you'll be glad you did.

Its already been mentioned, but its a perfect opportunity to save face, you never go to that bank normally, a perfect way to forget about her if you get rejected.

[rufusjonz]

I didn't intend this to be an advise thread. Maybe I should clear it up. I don't care if I get this chick or not. I'll go back, if something happens, it does, if not, it doesn't. No big deal. My ex is kindly enough to still have sex with me, so it's not like I'm starved for sex.

The reason I was mad was because I had a chance delivered to me on a silver platter and I fucked it up. But no worries. I'll just go to my ex's next weekend, have sex, and all will be right with the world again. :)

But when you call you post "HOW IM A LOSER" expect advice, pity, and ridicule :D

[korme]

This thread needs more Balldog.
heh, qotm

[Samdari]

I notice this really, really, really hot girl sitting their reading.

Keep studying

[dawgfan]

Keep studying

No kidding. It's not that hard folks: possesive = their; location = there; collective action = they're.

[Maple Leafs]

No kidding. It's not that hard folks: possesive = their; location = there; collective action = they're.Grammar corrections when someone's telling a story about nailing a hot girl = lame

[dawgfan]

He hasn't nailed her yet...

[Solecismic]

One time I was in the library, and there was this beautiful woman sitting their reading Strunk and White's, so I went up to her and said "your terrific, can I have a date?"

She just shook her head sadly, motioned me closer and whispered softly in my ear, "I can read your mind. You fucked up twice in only 34 words. Not a chance in hell." Moral is: that beautiful stranger may be a card-carrying member of the grammar police.

Kids, it never hurts to know your language etiquette.

[Coffee Warlord]

I bet the Ladies Man would have offered to put the taffy in her butt.

[MizzouRah]

You're going to dream about taffy for the rest of your life.

:)

Get back in there and talk to this hottie.


Todd

[sovereignstar]

(Enter George. He looks preoccupied with something)

ELAINE: Hi.

JERRY: You're still thinking about this?

GEORGE: (To Elaine) She invites me up at twelve o' clock at night for coffee, and I don't go up. "No thank you, I don't want coffee. It keeps me up - it's too late for me to drink coffee." I said this to her. People this stupid shouldn't be allowed to live. I can't imagine what she must think of me.

JERRY: She thinks you're a guy that doesn't like coffee.

GEORGE: She invited me up! Coffee's not coffee! Coffee is sex.

ELAINE: Maybe coffee was coffee.

GEORGE: Coffee's coffee in the morning. It's not coffee at twelve o' clock at night.

ELAINE: Some people drink coffee that late.

GEORGE: Yeah, people who work at NORAD who are on twenty-four-hour missile watch! ..And everything was going along so great. She was laughing, I was funny. I kept saying to myself, "Keep it up. Don't blow it. You're doing great."

ELAINE: It's all in your head. All she knows is she had a good time. I think you should call her.

GEORGE: I can't call her now. It's too soon. I'm planning a Wednesday call.

ELAINE: Why? I love it when guys call me the next day.

GEORGE: Of course, but you're imagining a guy you like, not a guy who goes "Uhh.. I don't drink coffee late at night.." If I call her now, she's gonna thing I'm too needy. Women don't want to see need. They want to see a take-charge guy. A colonel. A kaiser. A czar.

ELAINE: And what she'll think is that you like her.

GEORGE: That's exactly what I'm trying to avoid!

ELAINE: She wants you to like her!

GEORGE: Yes, she wants me to liek her.. If she likes me! But she doesn't like me.

ELAINE: (Reflects on George, then..) I don't know what your parents did to you.

[Pumpy Tudors]

And when you go to see her, don't do this: http://www.twyst.org/~pumpy/castin.mov

Propagation is key, folks!