Godzilla Blitz
12-15-2004, 08:58 PM
I’ve been thinking about our resident FOFC member and Football Manager addict, Doctor EaglesFan27, working at his hospital and furiously playing his FM 2005 dynasty between patients…
A Typical Day with Doctor EaglesFan
Scene: Dr. Eaglefan’s Hospital, Patient Clinic
Time: 11:30AM
A nurse brings a limping patient to the doctor’s door.
Nurse: Please go in. The doctor is waiting for you.
Voice from behind closed door: “GOOOOOOOOAAAAAAALLLLLLLL!”
Patient (looking confused): What was that?
Nurse (looking concerned): Um, nothing. It’s ok. Go right in.
Patient opens door and walks into room. As the door opens, the doctor frantically snaps his laptop shut and turns to face the patient. The doctor casts a concerned look at the laptop, then back to the patient as he closes door and sits.
Doctor (smiles): Sorry, my soccer team just scored.
Patient (confused): Excuse me?
Doctor: I was watching my soccer team.
Patient (extremely confused, looking around the room for a soccer team): You were watching a soccer game in here? Um, there’s no one else in here except for you.
Doctor: No, I was watching them on the computer. They’re my British team. I manage them between patients.
Patient: (pauses, looks concerned) You manage a British soccer team? From the hospital? Between patients? (another pause as the patient looks around) Am I in the psychiatric ward?
Doctor: No, you’re fine. It’s a soccer game. See.
Doctor flips up computer lid and turns the laptop around so the patient can see it. The screen is filled with numbers and little dots moving around.
Patient (stares at screen, stares at doctor, checks ID badge)
Doctor (realizes that the screen doesn’t look like soccer at all, quickly turns laptop back to himself and closes lid.): Um, anyway, we should take care of you. What’s wrong?
Patient: I broke my leg a few weeks ago, and it doesn’t seem to be getting any—
Doctor: Condition orange or red?
Patient: Excuse me?
Doctor: Are you condition orange or red?
Patient: Is that a movie?
Doctor: Oh, you don’t know about red and orange? Red means you can’t run and kick things around, like for example, a soccer ball. Orange means you can kick it around, but not very well.
Patient: Well, I’d guess that I’m red then. I haven’t been able to work for two weeks, and my goal—
Doctor: Goal? (stands up, raises arms) GOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLL!
Patient stares at doctor.
Doctor: Oops. (sits back down) Sorry. You were saying?
Patient (looking frightened): Yes, um, I’d like to get back to full speed by the end of the month.
Doctor: You got a big match?
Patient (confused, pauses, then starts fumbling through his pockets): Not sure. You can smoke in this hospital?
Doctor: Crap. No. I mean, you’ve something big going on at work, eh?
Patient: Yes, it's the holiday season, and we make cards—
Doctor: Yellow or red?
Patient: Huh?
Doctor: Yellow cards or red ones?
Patient: (pauses, looks frightened again) Actually, we make all colors of cards. I’m a designer for Hallmark—
Doctor: Mark well?
Patient: Um, no, it’s Bert Houston. My name isn’t on your sheet?
Doctor: Huh?
Patient: You asked if my name was Mark Well.
Doctor: No I didn’t. You were talking about marking, and I wondered how well you mark people.
Patient (confused): I don’t “mark” people. I guess you could say I “mark” cards, though. After all, I am a—
Doctor: Don’t tell me. Referee, right?
Doctor and patient stare confusedly at each other for a moment. Suddenly, a muffled cheer erupts from the laptop’s speakers. Doctor flips up the lid, casts a quick look at the screen.
Doctor: GOD DAMN YOU!
Patient (jaw drops): Me?
Doctor (snaps lid down): Huh? No, not you. Them. (points to laptop)
Patient: Huh? The computer?
Doctor: No, the guys in my computer.
Patient: There's people in your computer?
Doctor: Redditch.
Patient (confused): Red itch? The rash under my cast? Yes, the red parts do itch. Badly.
Doctor: (confused)
Patient: (confused)
Doctor: Why are you here again?
Patient: I told you. I broke my leg a couple of weeks ago, and it still hurts. I want to know how long before I can go back to work.
Doctor: How old are you?
Patient: 35.
Doctor: Maybe you should retire.
Patient: At 35?
Doctor: At your age, with a broken leg, I’d think it’s an automatic. Aren’t many guys that stick around much past their mid-thirties with injuries like that.
Patient: But I am the second youngest person in our office!
Doctor: You are? At 35? Damn it. I thought they fixed that problem with the regenerated guys.
Patient: (very frightened, starts to slide away from doctor)
A low groan emits from the laptop. Doctor flips up the lid, stares in disbelief.
Doctor: YOU SON OF A BITCH! NOO! HOW COULD YOU GET HURT LIKE THAT? WHAT A WIMP!
Patient: What? This is too much! Now you are insulting—
Doctor (ignoring patient): What a stupid injury!
Patient: Hey, I broke it carrying a Christmas tree down—
Doctor (ignoring patient): Now what am I going to do? Who’ll replace you?
Patient flees the office. Doctor, unaware, continues rant at screen…
A Typical Day with Doctor EaglesFan
Scene: Dr. Eaglefan’s Hospital, Patient Clinic
Time: 11:30AM
A nurse brings a limping patient to the doctor’s door.
Nurse: Please go in. The doctor is waiting for you.
Voice from behind closed door: “GOOOOOOOOAAAAAAALLLLLLLL!”
Patient (looking confused): What was that?
Nurse (looking concerned): Um, nothing. It’s ok. Go right in.
Patient opens door and walks into room. As the door opens, the doctor frantically snaps his laptop shut and turns to face the patient. The doctor casts a concerned look at the laptop, then back to the patient as he closes door and sits.
Doctor (smiles): Sorry, my soccer team just scored.
Patient (confused): Excuse me?
Doctor: I was watching my soccer team.
Patient (extremely confused, looking around the room for a soccer team): You were watching a soccer game in here? Um, there’s no one else in here except for you.
Doctor: No, I was watching them on the computer. They’re my British team. I manage them between patients.
Patient: (pauses, looks concerned) You manage a British soccer team? From the hospital? Between patients? (another pause as the patient looks around) Am I in the psychiatric ward?
Doctor: No, you’re fine. It’s a soccer game. See.
Doctor flips up computer lid and turns the laptop around so the patient can see it. The screen is filled with numbers and little dots moving around.
Patient (stares at screen, stares at doctor, checks ID badge)
Doctor (realizes that the screen doesn’t look like soccer at all, quickly turns laptop back to himself and closes lid.): Um, anyway, we should take care of you. What’s wrong?
Patient: I broke my leg a few weeks ago, and it doesn’t seem to be getting any—
Doctor: Condition orange or red?
Patient: Excuse me?
Doctor: Are you condition orange or red?
Patient: Is that a movie?
Doctor: Oh, you don’t know about red and orange? Red means you can’t run and kick things around, like for example, a soccer ball. Orange means you can kick it around, but not very well.
Patient: Well, I’d guess that I’m red then. I haven’t been able to work for two weeks, and my goal—
Doctor: Goal? (stands up, raises arms) GOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLL!
Patient stares at doctor.
Doctor: Oops. (sits back down) Sorry. You were saying?
Patient (looking frightened): Yes, um, I’d like to get back to full speed by the end of the month.
Doctor: You got a big match?
Patient (confused, pauses, then starts fumbling through his pockets): Not sure. You can smoke in this hospital?
Doctor: Crap. No. I mean, you’ve something big going on at work, eh?
Patient: Yes, it's the holiday season, and we make cards—
Doctor: Yellow or red?
Patient: Huh?
Doctor: Yellow cards or red ones?
Patient: (pauses, looks frightened again) Actually, we make all colors of cards. I’m a designer for Hallmark—
Doctor: Mark well?
Patient: Um, no, it’s Bert Houston. My name isn’t on your sheet?
Doctor: Huh?
Patient: You asked if my name was Mark Well.
Doctor: No I didn’t. You were talking about marking, and I wondered how well you mark people.
Patient (confused): I don’t “mark” people. I guess you could say I “mark” cards, though. After all, I am a—
Doctor: Don’t tell me. Referee, right?
Doctor and patient stare confusedly at each other for a moment. Suddenly, a muffled cheer erupts from the laptop’s speakers. Doctor flips up the lid, casts a quick look at the screen.
Doctor: GOD DAMN YOU!
Patient (jaw drops): Me?
Doctor (snaps lid down): Huh? No, not you. Them. (points to laptop)
Patient: Huh? The computer?
Doctor: No, the guys in my computer.
Patient: There's people in your computer?
Doctor: Redditch.
Patient (confused): Red itch? The rash under my cast? Yes, the red parts do itch. Badly.
Doctor: (confused)
Patient: (confused)
Doctor: Why are you here again?
Patient: I told you. I broke my leg a couple of weeks ago, and it still hurts. I want to know how long before I can go back to work.
Doctor: How old are you?
Patient: 35.
Doctor: Maybe you should retire.
Patient: At 35?
Doctor: At your age, with a broken leg, I’d think it’s an automatic. Aren’t many guys that stick around much past their mid-thirties with injuries like that.
Patient: But I am the second youngest person in our office!
Doctor: You are? At 35? Damn it. I thought they fixed that problem with the regenerated guys.
Patient: (very frightened, starts to slide away from doctor)
A low groan emits from the laptop. Doctor flips up the lid, stares in disbelief.
Doctor: YOU SON OF A BITCH! NOO! HOW COULD YOU GET HURT LIKE THAT? WHAT A WIMP!
Patient: What? This is too much! Now you are insulting—
Doctor (ignoring patient): What a stupid injury!
Patient: Hey, I broke it carrying a Christmas tree down—
Doctor (ignoring patient): Now what am I going to do? Who’ll replace you?
Patient flees the office. Doctor, unaware, continues rant at screen…