Who should get up to take care of the babeh?

[Flasch186]

GF and I had a discussion tonight about who should get up in the middle of the night to take care of a baby IF only one of the parents had to work...

well?

[sovereignstar]

How did you ever manage to make even this confusing?

[Flasch186]

How did you ever manage to make even this confusing?

why?

[Noop]

So your saying one of you works at home and the other at a office? Well the one at home should watch the babeh.

[Tigercat]

Well to play devil's advocat from the obvious, perhaps the working parent being there to take care of the baby, at least from time to time, at night would be good for all. Since that parent isn't the one to be there for the baby during the day, a little night time from time to time could be good for family bonding and such.

[sovereignstar]

The person who is staying at home working with the baby

Which word is emphasized here? Are you implying that this person doesn't work, but is staying home with the baby? Why even use the word work here? grrrr

[Flasch186]

Which word is emphasized here? Are you implying that this person doesn't work, but is staying home with the baby? Why even use the word work here? grrrr

i was being as even handed as possible. Inevitably the statement, "staying at home is work too." AND it is...so I didn't want to minimize that. I wanted to say that im NOT minimizing that.

[sovereignstar]

i was being as even handed as possible. Inevitably the statement, "staying at home is work too." AND it is...so I didn't want to minimize that. I wanted to say that im NOT minimizing that.

Gotcha, boss.

[Flasch186]

Did any women vote and if so which way because I wonder if these answers may be effected by gender.

[CamEdwards]

how about the person who's got the lactating nipples wakes up and feeds the baby.

[Desnudo]

Whoever is awake.

[Karlifornia]

If work called in the middle of the night, would the stay-at-home go take care of it? Ok, I know that's flawed, but, I would definitely use that to stay in bed :)

[sovereignstar]

how about the person who's got the lactating nipples wakes up and feeds the baby.

Good thing you said person, because Hatcher is actually keeping a pregnant, runaway zoo gorilla in his garage.

[MJ4H]

This is an issue at my house. My wife works part time for a few hours when I get home from school. Since she doesn't have to get up early in the morning, she usually gets up with him (or stays up all night, a lot of the times). But if we have a particularly rough stretch, I will take a night or a few nights in a row. If it gets really bad (and it does sometimes) then we will just alternate nights.

In general, though, we lean towards the person that doesn't have to get up and go to work. My wife has no problem making up sleep during the day, too, whereas I find that extremely difficult (once I'm awake and the sun is up, I generally have a lot of trouble relaxing my brain enough to sleep).

[Ksyrup]

We had this exact situation for both of our kids. I worked, my wife didn't. And, she gave up breast feeding pretty quickly. She got up about 75% of the time with the kids during the night.

[gstelmack]

Parenting is a partnership. Responsibilities like this need to be shared. However, you need to team up; perhaps the parent going to work in the morning will also get the kid up and dressed, giving the stay-at-home parent a chance to sleep in a bit. And I'm assuming the working parent is arranging other time to spend with the child.

[Arles]

they should both rotate. Staying at home with the baby appears just as exhausting as the person working the job. Maybe work it to where the person working out of the home covers more weekend evenings and the one at home does more during the week.

[Pumpy Tudors]

how about the person who's got the lactating nipples wakes up and feeds the baby.You mean Subby?

[Draft Dodger]

how about the person who's got the lactating nipples wakes up and feeds the baby.

why don't you go ahead and say that to Mrs Cam some night?

[JonInMiddleGA]

Staying at home with the baby appears just as exhausting as the person working the job.

Been there, done that.

All I can say is "Amen".

[Ksyrup]

they should both rotate. Staying at home with the baby appears just as exhausting as the person working the job. Maybe work it to where the person working out of the home covers more weekend evenings and the one at home does more during the week.
Well, in our case, my wife was asleep by 9pm and I usually stayed up until midnight at least, so I had baby duty for those hours, then she had it for the rest of the night. It worked pretty well. Until the cholic.

[JonInMiddleGA]

Until the cholic.

And at that point, nothing works anyway.

[Draft Dodger]

Parenting is a partnership. Responsibilities like this need to be shared. However, you need to team up; perhaps the parent going to work in the morning will also get the kid up and dressed, giving the stay-at-home parent a chance to sleep in a bit. And I'm assuming the working parent is arranging other time to spend with the child.

correct.

in our house, I'm the one staying home with the kids, and the wife is getting up for work. generally, if our toddler wakes up during the night, I'm the one to get him and put him back to bed. and when the baby needs to be fed, I usually go get her and bring her in to the "snack cart" and then take her back when I'm done. But, from time to time the wife will handle the duties and give me a break. Also, she gets the kids up at 7 and gets the kids up and dressed while I sleep until 8.

[Draft Dodger]

they should both rotate. Staying at home with the baby appears just as exhausting as the person working the job.

and staying at home all day with a baby and a toddler before going to work at night is a killer

[Desnudo]

Why isn't there a Swedish nanny option on the poll?

[Suicane75]

If raising the baby is your "job", than it's your job 24-7. Don't be expecting me to get up in the middle of the night to change a diaper or put the runt to sleep, even if I do do it.

[BigJohn&TheLions]

how about the person who's got the lactating nipples wakes up and feeds the baby.
Why go bringing Fritz into this?

[Suicane75]

Why isn't there a Swedish nanny option on the poll?

Odd that typeing in "Swedish Nanny" on google only brings up 2 pictures. Whodathunkit.

[CraigSca]

I can personally vouch that raising a baby is more work than "work". Heading to the office was a vacation. It's rare when raising a baby you can say, "Hey Junior, I'm gonna head out to lunch/get some coffee/surf the web, you mind giving me a few?"

My wife is a flippin' saint - I don't know how she does it. The best I can do is help out when I can (we alternate sleeping "late", which is usually 7 am), we both give the kids baths, and we both got up with the kids when they'd wake up in the middle of the night.

The one key is - the person taking care of the baby NEVER gets a break. Even when the child sleeps for an hour or two, there's about 50 things around the house that need to be done.

Help out as much as you can.

[oliegirl]

If raising the baby is your "job", than it's your job 24-7. Don't be expecting me to get up in the middle of the night to change a diaper or put the runt to sleep, even if I do do it.


God help me, I hope you are joking with that comment...

As a stay at home mom, I would agree with most of the comments, that it would be my job the majority of the time to get up in the middle of the night, since he has to get up early in the morning...however, I currently get up before radii to take Anthony to school, so if we had a baby now, he would probably either have to take on baby duty in the morning or start taking Anthony to school in the morning.

[CamEdwards]

why don't you go ahead and say that to Mrs Cam some night?

Mrs. Cam is well aware of how I feel. However, in my case there's a caveat. Since we're having twins, it's entirely possible that I will be up keeping one baby occupied while Mrs. Cam is feeding the other. We're going to try and stagger the feedings so she can nurse. If that doesn't work and we end up on formula, I'll be up with Elaine and the kids.

And CraigSca is absolutely right. I never realized how much Elaine did around the house until she got put on bed rest. Holy moly. I relish going to the office.

[sportsfan13]

Attention: Woman's opinion!
The BF (clebrownsfan) and I do not have any children, however I had once worked at a Daycare center for almost 3 years, so I have ALOT of experience with kids. If someone is staying home with the child, I think it's fair that they are the ones getting up in the middle of the night to take care of the little one. But, under certain situations, I think it should be shared. Trust me, kids are a tough job!!! The person with the job outside the home is only there from 9-5. The ones at home have there job 24-7!

[Cringer]

Why isn't there a Swedish nanny option on the poll?

She would be up with me, therefore 'Mom' would have to take care of the baby. Although I have to take out the Swedish part and replace it with South American, any country, any color, as long as she's hot and speaks little english.


As far as the poll goes, and a serious answer. Mostly the stay at home one, in our case that Mom. I would get up maybe half the time or so when I was home. But I guess tht is the part where I differ a little, since I am not home 4-5 days a week on average. Because of that I needed to get in a little of that 'extra' time in with the kid.

This brings Super Nanny that I saw for the first time last night on FOX. The parents seemed to both be home all day, atleast when the kids were there, and the Dad had NO interction with the 3 kids at all. On the opposite side of the spectrum was the Mom, who the Nanny started going nuts over because the Mom could not handle letting her kids sleep in their own beds, or even give the bby a bath without being in there with her.

[BigJohn&TheLions]

Mrs. Cam is well aware of how I feel. However, in my case there's a caveat. Since we're having twins, it's entirely possible that I will be up keeping one baby occupied while Mrs. Cam is feeding the other. We're going to try and stagger the feedings so she can nurse. If that doesn't work and we end up on formula, I'll be up with Elaine and the kids.

And CraigSca is absolutely right. I never realized how much Elaine did around the house until she got put on bed rest. Holy moly. I relish going to the office.
You're having twins, not triplets! Two lactating boobies for two hungry babies... What will she expect you to do? Hold one up to her chest! While she is feeding them you should be passed out on the sofa with the TV still on and remnants of a case on the floor (at least that's the example my father gave.) Be a man! You work hard hosting that show. I'll back you up here as probably the only other person on this board to have done so. Tell her I said it was ok...

[albionmoonlight]

Why isn't "share" an option?

[SFL Cat]

It's a definite partnership. To place the all responsibility on one or the other just isn't right.

[wbatl1]

How bout, whichever is not me :D

Seriously, it should switch off.

[CraigSca]

Attention: Woman's opinion!
The BF (clebrownsfan) and I do not have any children, however I had once worked at a Daycare center for almost 3 years, so I have ALOT of experience with kids. If someone is staying home with the child, I think it's fair that they are the ones getting up in the middle of the night to take care of the little one. But, under certain situations, I think it should be shared. Trust me, kids are a tough job!!! The person with the job outside the home is only there from 9-5. The ones at home have there job 24-7!My wife worked in daycare for years, studied elementary education, became a teacher. Believe me, there's a huge difference between working in daycare and having your own - she'll be the first to tell you. However, working in daycare is a good first exposure :D

[CraigSca]

dola

As a father, you have a social and paternal responsibility to look out for the best interests of your child. Part of that responsibility is developing a relationship with the child and the mother by taking on as much work as you can, whether you need to wake up early for work or not.

[Franklinnoble]

how about the person who's got the lactating nipples wakes up and feeds the baby.

What he said.

I have two young kids... one 17 months, one 10 days. The older one generally sleeps through the night now. I feed him a bottle before I go to bed, and one in the morning before I leave for work, to maximize his sleep time.

The infant is pretty much my wife's deal. She's breastfeeding. I can't really help there anyway, and, yes, she's a stay-at-home mom, and I work.

I don't really know why this is much of a debate. Most parents are happy to care for their children. I don't shirk the responsibility for feeding my daughter at night - I simply can't do it, and it makes more sense for my wife to let me sleep.

[wishbone]

I did whatever my wife told me to. The main thing was that when she got to talking to all the other mom's, everyone else was jealous and I would get a lot of nice looks from a bunch of ladies who put out:)


This post may be an example of incredibly poor taste, but I am only joking. Except about doing whatever my wife asks me to.

[Suicane75]

God help me, I hope you are joking with that comment...

As a stay at home mom, I would agree with most of the comments, that it would be my job the majority of the time to get up in the middle of the night, since he has to get up early in the morning...however, I currently get up before radii to take Anthony to school, so if we had a baby now, he would probably either have to take on baby duty in the morning or start taking Anthony to school in the morning.

Not joking at all. If 1 person has to be up in the morning than that person, wether it's he or she, should not have to worry about getting up in the middle of the night to take care of the baby. I didn't say not do it, I simply said not be expected to do it.

Of course all this should be discussed beforehand of course but i've found that so many relationships suffer because people simply don't realize what a chore it is to take care of a baby, especially during the first year. It's easy to sit at a table and discuss duties and how things are gonna work, it's quite another thing to be so worn down that neither person can appreciate where the other is coming from and end up wanting to kill each other.

[Flasch186]

What he said.

I have two young kids... one 17 months, one 10 days. The older one generally sleeps through the night now. I feed him a bottle before I go to bed, and one in the morning before I leave for work, to maximize his sleep time.

The infant is pretty much my wife's deal. She's breastfeeding. I can't really help there anyway, and, yes, she's a stay-at-home mom, and I work.

I don't really know why this is much of a debate. Most parents are happy to care for their children. I don't shirk the responsibility for feeding my daughter at night - I simply can't do it, and it makes more sense for my wife to let me sleep.

Of course, like most arguments, it was a discussion of extremes, where I said the "bread winner" must be sure to be rested enough to perform for his/her wages ( was careful with gender) and she said it should be exactly even 50/50. I said that 50/50 was pretty unrealistic if'n one person has to get up at X o'clock to keep the roof overhead vs. one person getting up at X o'clock to take care of the child at home. Without the extremes, Im sure each person ends up doing everything sometimes anyways.

Neither being more important than the other but some needing requirements that have to be considered.

HOWEVER, Im glad I posted this because, considering we have no kids, I hadn't thought of the morning - waker taking care of the child's morning while the midnight - waker gets a few extra hours of sleep. that might be the perfect compromise.

If I end up gettin to stay at home, Im going to teach that kid how to handle a Playstation controller ASAP :)

[KevinNU7]

I did whatever my wife told me to.
Christie would be proud

[RendeR]

how about the person who's got the lactating nipples wakes up and feeds the baby.



DING DING DING DING we have a WINNER!

[KWhit]

Not joking at all. If 1 person has to be up in the morning than that person, wether it's he or she, should not have to worry about getting up in the middle of the night to take care of the baby.
You do understand that we're not talking about 1 person having to get up early in the morning to go to work and the other sleeping in.

The stay-at-home parent is likely getting up just as early if not earlier than the person going to work.

[BigJohn&TheLions]

You do understand that we're not talking about 1 person having to get up early in the morning to go to work and the other sleeping in.

The stay-at-home parent is likely getting up just as early if not earlier than the person going to work.
Yes, but the stay-at-home parent can drink a pint of bourbon and sleep for a couple of hours in the middle of the day as long as the baby is sleeping too. That is of course, not during Oprah!

[randal7]

Since I work midnights, this wasn't much of an issue at our house. However, on my weekends I got up and did the feedings.

I took vacation the first three weeks after the baby was born. I slept on the couch at the far end of the house (from our bedroom) with the baby's bassinet (sp?) in the same room, and did all the nighttime feedings. Sleep two hours, up with the baby for an hour, repeat, all night every night for 3 weeks. Very likely that was/will be the best three consecutive weeks of my life. Fellas, if you miss out on these things, you are screwing yourselves.

[Flasch186]

Since I work midnights, this wasn't much of an issue at our house. However, on my weekends I got up and did the feedings.

I took vacation the first three weeks after the baby was born. I slept on the couch at the far end of the house (from our bedroom) with the baby's bassinet (sp?) in the same room, and did all the nighttime feedings. Sleep two hours, up with the baby for an hour, repeat, all night every night for 3 weeks. Very likely that was/will be the best three consecutive weeks of my life. Fellas, if you miss out on these things, you are screwing yourselves.


IMO this is not a guy v. girl hing but a $ thing. whoever's checks are more goes to work....i know its prob. not that easy but in my brain its that black & white, for now :)

[lighthousekeeper]

If raising the baby is your "job", than it's your job 24-7. Don't be expecting me to get up in the middle of the night to change a diaper or put the runt to sleep, even if I do do it.


As tasteless as it may sound, I tend to agree. In these night time situations, my wife gets up 100% of the time. She knows it's her job, just as my job is to bring home the bread. It's an arrangement we are both happy with.

She also knows that if she waited for me to wake up and tend to the kid, the kid would end up waiting until 8am, as I can easily sleep through anything.