Libertarian National Socialist Green Party

[Fritz]

In a story about the kid that killed those people up north a few days ago, a reference was made to the "Libertarian National Socialist Green Party ."

This is a "Nazi" organization (website is nazi.org) that adds blends of Libertarian and Green politics.

As political philosophies go, this has to be one of the most bizarre mergers of "thought." I am reluctant to go to the organization website, but I really want to read more.

[albionmoonlight]

Much like you, I am curious. Much like you, I am working from a government machine and have to be careful about where I go.

[Fritz]

Libertarian and National Socialism seem to be fairly wide apart.

[cartman]

I'll take a look and report back my findings. Anything in particular y'all want me to check?

[ISiddiqui]

Libertarian and National Socialism seem to be fairly wide apart.
Not when you are also a GREEN! ;)

[QuikSand]

I know more than a handful of people who, during the 2000 presidential election, were so disenchanted with both of the major party candidates that they were seeking "the best alternative." At the time, I think the most legitimate two alterative candidates on the ballot were Ralph Nader of the Green Party, and Harry Browne of the Libertarian Party. I think some right-thinking people could find enough resonance within each party's message (perhaps the anti-corruption message of the Greens, and the anti-intrusion message of the Libs), and have enough general frustration with the major parties that they would have their voting decision come down to those two choices.

Using that specific example, doesn't seem a ridiculous stretch.

[cartman]

But the government oversights/protections advocated by the Greens seems in direct contrast to the constitutional minimalisms and "laissez faire" beliefs central to Libertarians. But I can see a picking and choosing of parts of each to make a new blend, but it seems that the core beliefs of each side are at odds.

That being said, I feels that the systems of governments themselves aren't bad. It's only when the evil ones co-opt the name and belief system and twist it into corruption.

[QuikSand]

I don't disagree with you philosophically, cartman, but voting (and even organizing a political party) can be a practical decision as much as a philosophical one. Voting for "the strongest third party there is" has a practical element aside from specifics of philosophy.

[Buccaneer]

Except if you accept the scope of the Greens is anti-corruption of corporations (thusly, anti-corporation). The means to accomplish such is nationalization and overt control of private corporations - taking to its logical end. This is in direct conflict with the message of the Libs. However, when one focuses on a subset of the issues (as in the case of those living in the sovereign nations of the US can do), their own governments (not the federal govt) wants the control over their Interior. But outside of the reservations and in a national view, I think this is a ridiculous stretch because they are opposing forces.

[ISiddiqui]

Uh guys... I think the greater conflict with the liberatarians is probably the, oh, I dunno, NAZIs?

[cartman]

I don't disagree with you philosophically, cartman, but voting (and even organizing a political party) can be a practical decision as much as a philosophical one. Voting for "the strongest third party there is" has a practical element aside from specifics of philosophy.

Very true. But it would seem for that 3rd party to have a chance, there would have to be a core philosophy that they could rally around. Take a look at the Reform Party. In '92, they got a lot of votes. They were looking to repeat that performace in '96, until Perot has his "''Pubblicans have nekkid pictures of my daughter" meltdown. They got a lot of votes because they were seen the strongest 3rd party, mainly because Perot had a lot of money to spend, and people didn't like either of the two main party candidates. But in the last two elections, the Reform Party barely registered. The Reform Party was basically Ross Perot, and didn't have a stong platorm to stand on. Once he left, infighting for control of the party took over, and they couldn't agree on anything.

It seems the last few 3rd party candidates eho drew a sizeable number of votes have been single issue candidates, who were running at a time when people weren't happy with the Big Two. Perot in '92/'96, Anderson in '80, Wallace in '68 are all examples of this.

That being said, the top down approach for forming a new party probably isn't the best method. If you form a new party, put a guy up for President, and he gets <1% of the vote, you are immediately marginalized. The other method is to start local and build support that way. The Greens and Libertarians have had moderate success over the years in going this route, but their main successes have been in localized areas, never at a statewide or nationwide level.

But the election laws are setup to make establishing a viable 3rd party extremely difficult. For example, it is almost impossible to get on the ballot as a 3rd party candidate in Texas. The hurdles you have to jump through are incredibly high, and the timeframe to meet various mileposts is very narrow. Since the two current parties have such a stranglehold on the process, I don't see the emergence of a bona fide nationwide 3rd party emerging anytime soon.

[Fritz]

Uh guys... I think the greater conflict with the liberatarians is probably the, oh, I dunno, NAZIs?

yes, yes

[QuikSand]

Uh guys... I think the greater conflict with the liberatarians is probably the, oh, I dunno, NAZIs?

No argument there. But HE titled the thread, not me.

[Fritz]

No argument there. But HE titled the thread, not me.

I cut and paste the wrong line and TGBFPB (The Great Black Forum Power Broker) has not granted us the ability to really change a title.

[Fritz]

WAIT, he has!

[cartman]

Ok, I visited their site. From what I gathered from their FAQs, the ONLY piece of Libertarianism they pulled is drug legalization. :(

The rest appears to be pure, by the book, skinhead Nazism.

[QuikSand]

WAIT, he has!

And now I look like a wacko coming from left field. Thanks a load, pally.

[ISiddiqui]

And now I look like a wacko coming from left field. Thanks a load, pally.
That's ok. We've always considered you a wacko coming from left field ;).

[Fritz]

Hey, I have an idea for a movie scene:

Libertarian National Socialist Green Demonstration

Quiksand: White Men! White women! The fern-leaf swastika is calling you. The Jew is using the Government as muscle against you. And you are left there helpless. Well, what are you going to do about it, whitey? Just sit there? Of course not. You are going to join with us. The members of the Libertarian National Socialist Green Party. An organization of decent, law abiding drug using tree hugger white folk. Just like you.

I pledge allegiance to Ralph Nader.
Libertarian National Socialist Greens: I pledge allegiance to Ralph Nader.
Quiksand: The immortal leader of our race.
Libertarian National Socialist Greens: The immortal leader of our race.
Quiksand: And to the order for which he stands.
Libertarian National Socialist Greens: And to the order for which he stands.
Quiksand: One great cause,
Libertarian National Socialist Greens: One great cause,
Quiksand: One big tree,
Libertarian National Socialist Greens: One big tree,
Quiksand: Sacred and invincible.
Libertarian National Socialist Greens: Sacred and invincible.
[Fritz and ISiddiqui are caught in a traffic jam caused by the Libertarian National Socialist Greens.]
Fritz: [To a patrolling forum official (skydog)] Hey, what's going on?
Skydog: Ah, those bums won there court case so their marching today.
Fritz: What bums?
Skydog: The fucking Libertarian National Socialist Green Party.
ISiddiqui: Minnesota Libertarian National Socialist Greens!
Fritz: I hate Minnesota Libertarian National Socialist Greens.
Quiksand: Heil Nader!
Libertarian National Socialist Greens: Heil Nader!
[ISiddiqui drives the car up to the bridge and towards the Libertarian National Socialist Greens]
Quiksand: Twothirdshuit!
[ISiddiqui speeds up. The Libertarian National Socialist Greens are forced to jump into the water below]
Quiksand: cartman?
cartman: Yes Sir!
Quiksand: cartman get that cars license plate number. We're gonna kill that son of a bitch.

[HomerJSimpson]

Hey, I have an idea for a movie scene:

Libertarian National Socialist Green Demonstration

Quiksand: White Men! White women! The fern-leaf swastika is calling you. The Jew is using the Government as muscle against you. And you are left there helpless. Well, what are you going to do about it, whitey? Just sit there? Of course not. You are going to join with us. The members of the Libertarian National Socialist Green Party. An organization of decent, law abiding drug using tree hugger white folk. Just like you.

I pledge allegiance to Ralph Nader.
Libertarian National Socialist Greens: I pledge allegiance to Ralph Nader.
Quiksand: The immortal leader of our race.
Libertarian National Socialist Greens: The immortal leader of our race.
Quiksand: And to the order for which he stands.
Libertarian National Socialist Greens: And to the order for which he stands.
Quiksand: One great cause,
Libertarian National Socialist Greens: One great cause,
Quiksand: One big tree,
Libertarian National Socialist Greens: One big tree,
Quiksand: Sacred and invincible.
Libertarian National Socialist Greens: Sacred and invincible.
[Fritz and ISiddiqui are caught in a traffic jam caused by the Libertarian National Socialist Greens.]
Fritz: [To a patrolling forum official (skydog)] Hey, what's going on?
Skydog: Ah, those bums won there court case so their marching today.
Fritz: What bums?
Skydog: The fucking Libertarian National Socialist Green Party.
ISiddiqui: Minnesota Libertarian National Socialist Greens!
Fritz: I hate Minnesota Libertarian National Socialist Greens.
Quiksand: Heil Nader!
Libertarian National Socialist Greens: Heil Nader!
[ISiddiqui drives the car up to the bridge and towards the Libertarian National Socialist Greens]
Quiksand: Twothirdshuit!
[ISiddiqui speeds up. The Libertarian National Socialist Greens are forced to jump into the water below]
Quiksand: cartman?
cartman: Yes Sir!
Quiksand: cartman get that cars license plate number. We're gonna kill that son of a bitch.


tears.

[ISiddiqui]

LOL! I'd pay to see that movie ;).

[mhass]

Hey, I have an idea for a movie scene:

Libertarian National Socialist Green Demonstration

Quiksand: White Men! White women! The fern-leaf swastika is calling you. The Jew is using the Government as muscle against you. And you are left there helpless. Well, what are you going to do about it, whitey? Just sit there? Of course not. You are going to join with us. The members of the Libertarian National Socialist Green Party. An organization of decent, law abiding drug using tree hugger white folk. Just like you.

I pledge allegiance to Ralph Nader.
Libertarian National Socialist Greens: I pledge allegiance to Ralph Nader.
Quiksand: The immortal leader of our race.
Libertarian National Socialist Greens: The immortal leader of our race.
Quiksand: And to the order for which he stands.
Libertarian National Socialist Greens: And to the order for which he stands.
Quiksand: One great cause,
Libertarian National Socialist Greens: One great cause,
Quiksand: One big tree,
Libertarian National Socialist Greens: One big tree,
Quiksand: Sacred and invincible.
Libertarian National Socialist Greens: Sacred and invincible.
[Fritz and ISiddiqui are caught in a traffic jam caused by the Libertarian National Socialist Greens.]
Fritz: [To a patrolling forum official (skydog)] Hey, what's going on?
Skydog: Ah, those bums won there court case so their marching today.
Fritz: What bums?
Skydog: The fucking Libertarian National Socialist Green Party.
ISiddiqui: Minnesota Libertarian National Socialist Greens!
Fritz: I hate Minnesota Libertarian National Socialist Greens.
Quiksand: Heil Nader!
Libertarian National Socialist Greens: Heil Nader!
[ISiddiqui drives the car up to the bridge and towards the Libertarian National Socialist Greens]
Quiksand: Twothirdshuit!
[ISiddiqui speeds up. The Libertarian National Socialist Greens are forced to jump into the water below]
Quiksand: cartman?
cartman: Yes Sir!
Quiksand: cartman get that cars license plate number. We're gonna kill that son of a bitch.
Oh, this is going somewhere.

[QuikSand]

Herr Fritz... you and your clearly impure driving partner are facing forces more powerful than you could imagine.

[Fritz]

Quiksand: There they are.

[The Libertarian National Socialist Green cars pursues Fritz and ISiddiqui.]

[A loud clunk is heard in Fritz and ISiddiqui's car]
ISiddiqui: Oh no!
Fritz: What the fuck was that?
ISiddiqui: The motor. Thrown a rod.
Fritz: Is that serious?
ISiddiqui: Yep.

[They drive up a bridge through the smoke coming from their motor. One of the Libertarian National Socialist Green cars stops at the head of the bridge.]

Quiksand: Faster!

[At the last minute they see the end of an unfinished bridge. ISiddiqui stops the car and then it backflips over the chasing Libertarian National Socialist Green car.]

Cartman: Holy shit!

[The Libertarian National Socialist Green car continues to accelerate and launches off the bridge]

Cartman to Quiksand: I've always loved you.

[They crash into the street making a big hole. Fritz and ISiddiquis car jumps the hole, the pursuing Libertarian National Socialist Green car falls into it.]

Fritz: [Points to a building] There it is. [ISiddiqui parks the car just outside the door. They get out and the car falls to bits. ISiddiqui stares at in disbelief]

Fritz: [Hitting ISiddiqui] Come on!

[Qwikshot]

"We're on a mission from God."

[Franklinnoble]

I heart Fritz.

[VPI97]

LOL

[ISiddiqui]

Do we get to sing "Rawhide" anytime soon, Fritz? :D

[cartman]

Quiksand: Yeah?
cartman: Sir.
Quiksand: What'd you find out?
cartman: Okay. I called a friend at the motor vehicle department. That licence plate is like a trout in a rectum, it's all over the computer. The car belongs to a known traffic and Peep menace.
Quiksand: What's his name?
cartman: His name is Fritz. He's got a record a mile long. And, he's a Catholic.
Quiksand: Did you get his address?
cartman: Of course, 2/3rd Colossal Squid Drive.
Quiksand: Let's go.

(They arrive at 2/3rd Colossal Squid drive, which just so happens to be the address of the marshmallow Peeps factory)

Quiksand: Anybody with that kind of record is gonna make a mistake. I want all party members in the tri state district to monitor the city, county and state police on their CB. Mr. Fritzy-boy is gonna fuck up. And when he does, he'd better pray the police get to him before we do.

[fantastic flying froggies]

Brilliant stuff, guys!

[SunDancer]

Best stuff since the Dr. Eaglesfan27's and FM2005/patient story.

[cartman]

Now back to the story. A few years later...

EXT. OUR LADY OF THE ANNUNCIATION HOSPITAL - DAY

A rundown, late thirties white tile monster that should have been abandoned years ago.

Fritz crosses the street facing the hospital. He reaches in his pocket pulls out a folded and wrinkled envelope. He reads the return address on the envelope, takes a deep breath and enters the building.

INT. HOSPITAL LOBBY

Sisters in white uniforms tend to the needy.

Fritz: Excuse me Sister, I'm looking for the office of the administrator.

THE SISTER(busy, stressed): Keep going, two lefts, room 1292.

EXT. ADMINISTRATOR'S OFFICE

Fritz waits outside the door as a voice familiar to him shouts in a one way conversation.

MOTHER Mary SkyDog STIGMATA: YOU USELESS PENCILPUSHERS THINK YOU CAN COME DOWN HERE AND CUT MY BUDGET SUBSIDY WITHOUT CONSULTING ME!! WELL GUESS WHAT, I'M CALLING THE CANON, AND HAVE HIM CALL THE MONSIGNOR, WHO'S GOING TO CALL THE CARDINAL, WHO WILL THEN CALL THE POPE AND HAVE YOU BOTH EXCOMMUNICATED!!

The door flies open and two County government accountants scurry out chased by Mother Mary SkyDog Stigmata who wears the nineties version of the modern nun uniform. Blouse and cross, no hood, stylishly coiffed hair, blue skirt to the shin, pumps, and patriotic undies worn on the outside of it all.

MOTHER Mary SkyDog STIGMATA: NOW GET OUT OF HERE!!

Fritz cowers in the corner, his hands up, ready to defend himself.

MOTHER Mary SkyDog: Is that...Fritz?

Fritz(defending himself): Ye..ah...

INT. MOTHER Mary SkyDog'S OFFICE

Fritz sits in a chair in front of her desk.

MOTHER Mary SkyDog: I wasn't sure you were going to come.

Fritz: Hey, a letter from you is like a command Sister, you know that.

MOTHER Mary SkyDog: Actually it's Mother Mary SkyDog now.

Fritz: That's a promotion, isn't it?

Mother Mary SkyDog ignores this.

MOTHER Mary SkyDog: I was sorry to hear about ISiddiqui.

Fritz: Yeah, well I guess he's in a much better place. Where's albionmoonlight?

MOTHER Mary SkyDog: Albionmoonlight has gone on as well Fritz, I'm sorry.

Fritz(visibly distressed): So that's why he stopped writing to me. I remember he was plenty upset when they finally closed the FOFC Board.

MOTHER Mary SkyDog: The Lord works in mysterious ways Fritz. We all must go on and fight the good fight.

Fritz(defeated): Yeah, sure.

MOTHER Mary SkyDog(sharply): What was that?

Fritz: What have I got to fight with Sister, er, Mother? I got no family no more, no vehicle. No place to go. Nothin'.

MOTHER Mary SkyDog: The Lord will provide Fritz. Trust in him.

Fritz: Look, the FOFC Board is gone, ISiddiqui's gone, albionmoonlight is gone. I got no brother, I got no roots, I got no life, I got nothing for Christ's sake!

At this, Mother Mary SkyDog stands up and flicks a button in a CHROME TELESCOPIC POINTER which extends rapidly like a switchblade.

MOTHER Mary SkyDog(smacking him intermittently for emphasis): Young man! You weren't taught and raised by me to fold at the slightest whiff of adverse circumstances!
(She taps him, he flinches) Now quit your silly moping, pull your sorry self together and snap out of it!

Fritz: But...

MOTHER Mary SkyDog: But nothing! Wise up! Turn your heart to the Creator! You're so quick to despair. You didn't know that ISiddiqui had a half-brother did you?

Fritz: Huh?!


She turns and opens a file drawer behind her.

MOTHER Mary SkyDog: ISiddiqui was brought to me by an unwed mother shortly after you yourself were left at my door. Her name was Eileen Samaris. Five years later she bore another son by a different father. She sent me a card saying that her life had worked out, that she was prepared to raise this new boy and she asked if she could have ISiddiqui back. Well by then you were both in foster homes, the state had sway and ISiddiqui never knew about them. Of course you two were soon bounced back to us.

Fritz(looking at file): Another son. By the same mother. So like this guy would be kind of like my stepbrother. I have a family!

MOTHER Mary SkyDog: The woman is still alive. Lives over in Cicero now I believe.

Fritz: I know where that is.

MOTHER Mary SkyDog: Now listen to me Fritz. You're not the only one with problems. The county commissioner just cut out the $130,000.00 we need for the Hattrick board, just because some guy wouldn't remove his hat during the meeting.

Fritz: Okay. I'll get the band back together. Do a few gigs.

MOTHER Mary SkyDog: No! No band! I'm in the process of arranging a rehabilitative program for you with Father Gerry Byrne at Saint Patrick's Cathedral. He needs someone to assist him in obtaining marshmallow peeps and turnbased war games for the Catholic Women's League who are organizing the Hospital Fund Drive. I want you here at 11 A.M. tomorrow morning to meet him.

Fritz: Uh..I..um...

MOTHER Mary SkyDog: Fritz I have put a lot of effort into setting this up. You're not just any ex-con, you are a graduate of Saint Mrs. Paul of the Most Colossal Squid. I'm putting my own name on the line here and your conduct will reflect on all of us. Do you understand?

Fritz(slouching): Yeah. Yeah alright.

Whop! A solid blow from the pointer.

Fritz: Yes Ma'am!

MOTHER Mary SkyDog: Fritz, have you ever heard of foster care?

Fritz: What about it?

MOTHER Mary SkyDog: There's someone I'd like you to meet.

Mother Mary SkyDog picks up her phone.

MOTHER Mary SkyDog: Sister, would you please send Shorty3281 in here. Thank you.

Fritz(growing concerned): Hey, wait a minute...

The door opens and reveals Shorty3281, an young boy. Adorable, but with a very serious expression.

MOTHER Mary SkyDog: Come in Shorty3281. Sit down.

Fritz watches apprehensively as the solemn little boy sits in the chair next to him, his feet not reaching the floor.

MOTHER Mary SkyDog: Fritz, say hello to Shorty3281.

Fritz is sullen.

Fritz: Yeah. Hi. How ya doing?

Shorty3281 looks at Fritz impassively.

MOTHER Mary SkyDog: Shorty3281, say hello to Fritz.

Shorty3281 does a perfect imitation of Fritz.

Shorty3281: Yeah. Hi. How ya doing?

Fritz: Hey, the kid's a wise ass!

WHAP! Mother Mary SkyDog's pointer lands on Fritz's arm.

Fritz: Ow! Shit!

WHAP!

MOTHER Mary SkyDog(smiling sweetly): What did you say?

Fritz(rubbing his arm): I said what a sweet kid.

MOTHER Mary SkyDog: That's more like it. Now then, here's my proposal. Young Shorty3281 here is a ward of the state. Due to a lack of funds, the Archdiocese has agreed to house the homeless children here at the hospital.

Fritz: What's all this got to do with me?

MOTHER Mary SkyDog: I thought that perhaps you would come every day and spend time with Shorty3281. Read to him. Take him to the library. Take him to the zoo.

Fritz(horrified): The zoo?!

MOTHER Mary SkyDog: Do you have a problem with my proposal?

Fritz looks at Shorty3281. Shorty3281 stares back.

CUT TO:

EXT. OUR LADY OF THE ANNUNCIATION HOSPITAL - DAY

Fritz comes out fo the main entrance, Shorty3281 follows. Fritz stops. Shorty3281 stops. Fritz starts to go again, Shorty3281 follows. Fritz stops. Shorty3281 stops.

Fritz: Okay kid, here's the deal. You wait here and I'll come back for you with the car.

Shorty3281: Do you have a car?

Fritz: I'm working on it.

Fritz kneels down to Shorty3281's level and tries his best to be compassionate.

Fritz: Look, I had a brother once. He's dead and I lost hope. But see, Mother Mary SkyDog told me where his mom lives, that there's another brother, you get my meaning?

Shorty3281 just looks at Fritz.

Fritz: I got to find my family. You can relate to that can't you kid?

Shorty3281(quietly): Yes.

Fritz: Good. I'll see ya.

Fritz walks away, Shorty3281 watching him.

[Fritz]

the funny part here is people tell me I look like john goodman

[Franklinnoble]

the funny part here is people tell me I look like john goodman

But... you're supposed to be Dan Akroyd here...

Dammit... now the illusion is blown.

Somebody mock up a "Flintstones" script, stat!