Help Qwikshot out...

[Qwikshot]

fellow boardmembers...I've finally gone from 2nd shift to 1st shift after 7 years. Trying to get my life back on track after a pretty brutal ending relationship. I help care for a beautiful almost 5 year old girl who I get to see every other weekend (I was dating her mom when she was pregnant with her; birth father was never interested -- so my daughter only knows me as the daddy).

But that's not what this is about:

This is about a cute girl that was just hired about a month ago in my department (dayshift).

We talked a lot and found we had some things in common and some not, but there was a vibe. Every morning when I would head through to that section of cubicles, she'd smile and wave.

So she coordinated the first happy hour. It was at one bar, 5 coworkers, nice little meet, she let me share her onion rings and hot wings.

Then we traveled, just three of us, to another bar where my friends' band was playing. She and I chatted some more, she travels a lot, she's a chemical engineer, worked in the Air Force reserves with stints in Texas, Saudi Arabia, and Jordan.

So the other coworker inquired to why she was taking a trip to California (for the weekend).

She meekly explained that she was going to see her boyfriend there, he's stationed there. That she has no expectations (after getting out of a six year relationship with another guy) and they talk a lot, and every six weeks she gets to see him and they've been doing this since January.

So now I'm in a quandry, because not once during our conversations did she disclose this and it seemed like she did with a great reluctance.

So I ask all the people here, do I have a next move, should I remain professional and write it all off, or wait like a vulture, or continue to press on seeing if there is a vibe or just my imagination.

And no, I won't follow the Ladies Man advice...

Thanks for your help and scathing comments here.

[MizzouRah]

Sounds like she is interested in you and is keeping all options open. I say wait and see what happens.

[Dutch]

Go for it. Long Distance relationships don't last.

[WSUCougar]

All's fair in love and war. Do whatever, down the line, you would regret not having done.

[Cringer]

Do her. Do her now.

[Ramzavail]

Go for it. Long Distance relationships don't last.

I agree with the LD relationship part...

I wouldn't say Go for it, but I'd stay back and let things fall where they may in the next 6 weeks before she goes back to see him....I'd say after another 2 happy hours, make a move, ask her out or something.

[Qwikshot]

I agree with the LD relationship part...

I wouldn't say Go for it, but I'd stay back and let things fall where they may in the next 6 weeks before she goes back to see him....I'd say after another 2 happy hours, make a move, ask her out or something.

I think this is the best option and the one I would focus on.

The thing is, I had asked her before out, just to a happy hour, and her response was that she's getting to old to be doing more than two happy hours in a week...this was prior to the whole boyfriend disclosure...so I scratch my head now and ponder that, she could have easily said it then.

Still, I think hanging back, she's seeing him this weekend or next, is a wise move because I'm sure she's focusing on that and it would be impolite.

Still she's asking to borrow some CDs and DVDs from me as I try to expose her to alt.country.

She is a cool woman, it didn't surprise me that she had someone.

I find single girls are rare anywhere, it seems every woman has an attachment to someone, somewhere.

[Joe]

Maybe she called an audible when she got up to the line of scrimmage and didn't like the defense. I bet she doesn't even have a boyfriend.

[Ramzavail]

Maybe she called an audible when she got up to the line of scrimmage and didn't like the defense. I bet she doesn't even have a boyfriend.

I think she does. I don't think a lie would include traveling all the way to California to see a fake bf. I could be wrong though.

How about asking her out to a cup of coffee on a fri/sat night or out to lunch on a saturday afternoon? I wouldn't ask her out to lunch during work, that gets people thinking at work.

[illinifan999]

unless she's a lesbian, and her girlfriend is in cali

[Qwikshot]

I think she does. I don't think a lie would include traveling all the way to California to see a fake bf. I could be wrong though.

How about asking her out to a cup of coffee on a fri/sat night or out to lunch on a saturday afternoon? I wouldn't ask her out to lunch during work, that gets people thinking at work.

Lunch during the week is covered because a chunk of the department goes to lunch around 11:30, myself included, so we chat there and rather neutrally with groups around.

She was saying that she works late and doesn't have much to do on the weekends (so much so that she goes home to NJ on some weekends to be with her parents).

I swear this was all a cry for help before, but I knew the dating gods would taunt me so.

I was thinking of asking her after work to meet up, but now with the bf disclosure I don't know what her comfort factor would be like. I think it was better when I was ignorant of that knowledge, but you never know...she's new to the area and I can tell there is some lonliness there, but I can't gauge how serious the relationship is (serious enough to fly to Cali for a weekend). I will tread cautiously but still pursue.

I want to be honest here, this is the first girl in two years, since my last breakup, that I have truly been smitten over. I play cool and not overeager, but Friday night after that was a little hard (though I expected it, because I thought there was no way this girl wasn't attached to someone).

Plus the distance factor might not be an issue with her, because she was in the reserves and he's in the reserves.

There should be bars that are just for singles and match.com sucks.

We'll see how this week goes...she'll be heading to Cali Friday, so I may have missed a window for now.

It was cool getting her to open up and laugh Friday night though, I do feel a connection, but she's warm and friendly to everyone, so I may just be reading into things too strongly.

[BigJohn&TheLions]

Red Flags are all over here.

1st. Relationships and workplaces are a bad idea. If it goes well, then you see each other all of the time. If it doesn't, then you are forced to deal with someone.

2nd. She went frome a LTF to a LDR. She is clingy and needs someone in her life. She doesn't feel complete unless she has someone.

3rd. If she's just being flirty and nice, if you swing and miss, it will make everything awkward at work.

If you must go for it (and I know the feeling) let things progress at a slow pace. Let the LDR fall apart first. Then if you do step to the plate, do it at a bar. Then you can use the alcohol excuse. It makes things go better at the office if you can default to the "Wow, I was drunk last night!" excuse.