Parents Anonymous, FOFC Branch

[WSUCougar]

I know there are many other parents here at FOFC, so I thought I’d start a casual dynasty thread where we could share our stories. Good stuff, bad stuff, frustrations, joys, questions…anything goes.

Hopefully, we can build a decent group of participants, and it could make for some entertaining reading. To the non-parents out there, beware…some of this stuff can be a tad scary. And gross. But anyway…

[WSUCougar]

I’ll go first. My name is WSUCougar, and I’m a parent. *tearful sniffling*

My son’s name is Drew, and he is closing in on his 4th birthday. He’s an awesome kid, and I love him dearly. Here are some recent tidbits:

• He is finally over the hump in terms of pooping on the potty. This has been a struggle without many glimmers of hope, but suddenly we’re there, as everyone promised would happen. There are still some “technical difficulties” to cope with, but we will face those without looking back. This was a huge relief and a joyous moment.
• We promised Drew a “real train ride” as a reward for his potty rite-of-passage. He has always loved trains. The curious thing is that he once loved Thomas the Tank Engine videos, but got freaked out last year when one of the nasty engines got very physical. Since then, he claims very firmly, “I don’t like Thomas.” He still plays with the train set, but will not watch the videos or the TV show. As an aside, I find it strange that it’s for kids but some of the characters and “messages” aren’t very good. Lots of anger, jealousy, and revenge, for example. Ah well.
• PBS Kids just switched their format and schedule, to our utter dismay and disgust. They call themselves “PBS Kids Sprout” now, and all of the favorite shows aren’t on at the right times anymore. Grrrrr.
• Drew is trying YMCA soccer, and it has been a test for me. Granted, this is VERY basic stuff for 3-4 year olds. Basically stretch some, kick the ball around a cone, listen to the coach, and run around. But my son’s reactions have frustrated me…which is something I will need to learn to cope with. He won’t do a lot of what the coach says, and starts boo-hooing at the drop of a hat. Lots of kids are having similar reactions, but it still grates on me. At least this past Saturday he got a bit more involved. Small steps.
• Lots of contrary talk and “But…” responses lately. Seems to be trying to establish control over things. Gets PISSED when things get forced on him.
• Halloween is coming, and Drew is jazzed. He wants to be a black cat.
• When I see my son smile his real, joyful smile it makes me feel unlike any other feeling in my life.

[Radii]

• Drew is trying YMCA soccer, and it has been a test for me. Granted, this is VERY basic stuff for 3-4 year olds. Basically stretch some, kick the ball around a cone, listen to the coach, and run around. But my son’s reactions have frustrated me…which is something I will need to learn to cope with. He won’t do a lot of what the coach says, and starts boo-hooing at the drop of a hat. Lots of kids are having similar reactions, but it still grates on me. At least this past Saturday he got a bit more involved. Small steps.



Great idea, I'm sure my wife will be a frequent contributor here and I'll drop by quite a bit as well.


I just deleted a *huge* reply when I realized most of what I typed was about my kid and not yours, when my intent was to reply to what you're saying about your son :)

I felt the same frustration when I first entered my son's life(he was 5). Boo-hoo'ing and running to mommy at every bump and scratch, and more importantly to me, not sitting with the team when he wasn't on the field, bugged me an awful lot. The first year I watched him play the kids that were "on the bench" actually ran up a hill to a playground near a field and palyed there when they weren't in the game if allowed, or they played on the hill, rolling down it, etc. Remembering my days in T-ball at age 6, this frustrated me a lot.


I found that the best thing I could do was to very gently start to instill the ideas of team spirit, and of getting up and playing on when you got a little bump. He's 8 years old now and i'm sure mostly through just getting older and maturing, but also through my wife's and my encouragement, he's becoming quite a warrior on the field. I have not once this season(and I am his assistant coach, so i hear most everything all the kids say) heard him complain or whine when he gets bumped or knocked over, and not once has he run in the direction of his mom when he comes off the field, he comes over to the coaches and hangs out with the team. I'm as proud of these things as I am the fact that he's becoming a good little soccer player. But this is now 5 or 6 soccer seasons down the road from where we started. It's a very slow, but steady process.

Like you said, small steps. It'll take a number of seasons, and the kids around him maturing, and the coaches actively trying to keep the kids on the sideline with the team, and not with the parents, to see major progress there, but it'll come.

[ibnsgirl]

Cool idea, WSUCougar! I have been on quite a few parent-oriented forums, but they were all geared towards moms. As a mom, that's fine, but there is no guy's input. I look forward to actually hearing the "dad" side of the story.

Anyway, I'm Lucy's mom and TonyR's wife. We barely have this parent thing down as Lucy is just shy of 14 weeks old.

Been an interesting ride, so far. Not quite sleeping through the night. Little stuff sends her wailing. Constantly covered in spit-up. But all of that is offset by this little miracle's coo's and smiles! Definately the smiles!

Lucy is already in the works to be a soccer player. She was using my ribs to practice on long before she was born. She's even got her favorite player: Ilkka Vitkainen, one of the players on my Hattrick team. She loves the word "ilkka." We've got a long way to go before soccer practice! :)

[WSUCougar]

Cool! Participants!

The first year I watched him play the kids that were "on the bench" actually ran up a hill to a playground near a field and palyed there when they weren't in the game if allowed, or they played on the hill, rolling down it, etc. Remembering my days in T-ball at age 6, this frustrated me a lot.I had to smile at this. My son and two of his friends were playing a falling down game in the midst of the soccer scrimmage. The ball and a horde of 3-year-olds goes churning by, and there's Drew, Matthew, and John giggling at each other and falling down in dramatic fashion.

We barely have this parent thing down as Lucy is just shy of 14 weeks old.Oh wow...the Dark Times. :o

Just kidding. You'll make it through with flying colors, and then for the rest of your parenting days you'll look back on that time and go, "Well, at least it's not as hard as THAT time period!" :D

[MacroGuru]

Awesome...

I forgot what dealing with a baby was like....

Imagine to my dismay when my wife breaks the news on New Years we are pregnant, considering I had the procedure done....

9 months later, the little tyke is here, and things couldn't be better, except, I forgot that baby's wake up at night.

Now the other task is the 8 and 5 year old. They are both striving for attention from mom.

prime examples


8 year old kicks the 5 year old in the face this morning, and claims....it was an accident
5 year old likes to sneak into the pantry and take food to the neighborhood kids, we are now the 7-11 of the block
Halloween is awesome around our house, thanks to the wife, and she has the kids as excited as she is, and we are going to be a dead pirate family........with the baby being our pet monkey.
Oh...and they both seem to think money grows on trees, the 8 year old said she wanted a credit card so she could by anything she wants, which produced a WTF? response from me, and she received a very boring education on credit and what it is all about...

[Breeze]

she received a very boring education on credit and what it is all about...
[/list]


I wonder how many of these she'll need before she finally gets it? :D

I have 3 kids, a 5 year old boy and two 3 year olds, one of each. I'm sure I'll be posting here too.

Our biggest problem right now is taking turns talking. Man you'd think our house was the stock exchange with all the racket as each kid tries to talk over the other one.

For Halloween, we are going as 2 knights and a princess (pink princess to be more precise). We were going to be a Dragon, Knight and Princess, but when the 3 year old boy realized he wouldn't get a sword if he were a dragon, he changed his mind.

[Radii]

Oh...and they both seem to think money grows on trees, the 8 year old said she wanted a credit card so she could by anything she wants, which produced a WTF? response from me, and she received a very boring education on credit and what it is all about...



I went to the ATM yesterday to get some cash with my son in the car. He said "at least this isn't our money like the money at home." He explained that the money that came out of the machine was free money for everyone to use, and that the money from my job was all at home for things like eating out.

[oliegirl]

This is a great idea! I love that we'll have somewhere to vent, and to tell stories about our kids (good or bad) without non-parent people getting sarcastic and making "I don't care" comments...they just don't get it!

I am sure once I think about it I'll have lots of things to add, but for now, I'll just say that the kid radii is talking about is my kid - Anthony...I was a single mom for 6 years until I got lucky and radii proposed (I knew if I waited long enough the right guy would come along!). Anthony is wonderful - most of the time...like any child he has his moments when I want to kill him, but for the most part they are few and far between.

[sachmo71]

Have to get me some of this.

I have two wonderful children. My daughter is 3, named Sydney.
My son, 2, is Max.

There are a multiple issues right now that we are dealing with.
Max is being potty trained. I guess I never thought about the challenges of potty training a boy, but I never thought about the stand up factor. So my wife read up on it, and the key seems to be putting him on the toilet backwards, so he is facing the potty like he will be when he's standing up, but had most of the bowl to aim for. We aren't using training potty's, because it worked better for my daughter on a normal toilet and so we'll see how it goes with my son. Also, he is in speech therapy because he was a little delayed, and he is talking up a storm. It's a wonderful feeling when the kids start putting words together and you can actually get some feedback from them. My favorite words are "football", "hockey man", and "boo" (his bear)

Sydney is a handful, and then some. We started both of our kids out at a home daycare, with an older lady who would watch them all day. It was relaxed, and there was no real learning activities...she was more of a babysitter, but she was within our budget and she loved the kids. At about 2, she started biting. Not much, but it happened one day. One of my friends decided to take his daughter there, because we recommended her and the price was right. For the five days his daughter was there, Sydney bit her every day. It was horrible!
So we would try to tell her not to do it anymore, but what can you say to a two year old when you aren't "on the scene"?
Anyway, so we took her to a day school, and things started out fine. She was learning at a very rapid pace, and everyone seemed happy. Then, she started biting kids. Every day it seemed, she would bite someone. We talked to the headmaster, who is also a psychologist. He gave us some tips, and never overtly blaming us, but the gist of his advice was that the child will do what the parents let them do. In our minds, we were BAD PARENTS.
So we tried his advice, and I have to admit, things got a little better, but I think we lost focus. Finally, she bit a kid so bad that their parents delivered an ultimatum...it was Sydney gone or her kid gone. So Sydney was out.
:(
Thankfully, he kept working with us, in the hopes of her getting back in. We tried everything that he said to do. Walks when she lost her temper. The 5 rules. EVERYTHING. Finally, he let her back in. And it worked out well...for a while.

She started biting again, and not listening to the teachers. Every day we would get a report on what she was doing wrong, etc. Neither my wife nor I wanted to show our faces in the place. The guy must have thought we were the worst parents in the world, perhaps only a bit less than we did. Failures. Losers. My mindset at the time was that my wife and I together were possibly causing more damage to our kids than we would apart. I was actually comtemplting a seperation to see if that will help. Desperate, eh?

Finally, they told us she had to leave for good. Talk about a kick in the jumblies. She had lots of friends at that school, but it was just too much for them to handle. We didn't know what to do. So we scrambled to find her a new place, which we did after a couple of days. We also started seeing a family councelor to help us, as we were obviously in dire need.

The counceling has helped tremendously. The doctor first tried to get everyone to calm down a bit, and that helped settle Sydney down. He told us that she seemed overstimulated, so much so that he was afraid she was borderline autistic. His main focus was alone time with one or the other of us, less stimulation (which meant removing many of the gobs of toys from the playroom), and lots and lots of praise.
It's been wonderful. We still have our moments, and she will always be a high strung kid, mostly because he says she has above average intelligence and gets frusterated with her own limitations. But it's been almost two weeks at school with hardly a peep from her, and when she does misbehave, she is quick to apologize, and best of all...NO BITING.
The thing that surprised me was how often he stops to tell my wife and I what a good job we are doing, which we really needed. He's not afraid to tell us where we are lacking, but he says that most parents he deals with are resistant to his advice, and usually the behavioral problems are caused by some sort of family dysfunction. It was really good to hear that we weren't horrible parents. It's been a rough couple of years with all of that blame heaped on top of us.

So things are definately looking up for us.

As an aside, is anyone else starting to worry about this damn bird flu? I try and try to resist the media monkey fest, but when I start hearing "casualty projections" and "6 months before a cure", I start to sweat a little.

[oliegirl]

As an aside, is anyone else starting to worry about this damn bird flu? I try and try to resist the media monkey fest, but when I start hearing "casualty projections" and "6 months before a cure", I start to sweat a little.

Funny you should mention that - yesterday morning, I found a bird lying chest down on our front porch. At first I thought it was dead, but then realized it was breathing very rapidly...I managed to pick it up and put in a box with some tissue paper and leaves/pine straw, by then it was standing but still breathing very rapidly. I took it to a local vet and they said they would check it and if it was suffering, put it down...it didn't occur to me until after the fact that I should have been more cautious...I doubt this bird was infected with bird flu, but it did enter my mind as I was scrubbing my hands clean! I haven't heard from the vet's office, and I am sure if they were suspicious of something they would have contacted me, so I am not worried (anymore) :|

[PilotMan]

I have to say that this is a very cool idea. I have already enjoyed what the rest of you have written.

I am a dad of 3. My oldest is Cole, he is 10. Then there is Zachary who is 3 and Ean who is 2.

Cole is my wife's from before we met, however, I have known him since he was 2, and I am the only Dad that he has ever had. I officially adopted him after we were married. Zach and Ean are my firsts.

We are in the first year of homeschooling Cole. I was finally fed up with the school system here. It just was not working for Cole. Cole has inattentive - ADD, which means that he has a very difficult time staying on task unless he gets his meds. For him it's like trying to watch a TV show, while someone else is changing the channel. Hard to stay focused. It has been a challenge at times, but I can see that we are working toward our goal of getting him to work on his own, and learn the study skills that he is going to need to succeed. Those were the things that he was really missing and that we are trying to give him. When we go to the library and are checking out books about the revolutionary war and he is legitimatly excited about the subject you feel like you are on the right path.

Cole is not a big sports person. Much to my dismay.
Cole has a terrible time remembering things - part of the ADD. Frustrating......
Cole reads like you wouldn't believe. He devours books.

Zach is the ring leader of the whole crew. Even of Cole. He sets the tone for everyone. He is an anal, perfectionist, who loves trains, Thomas the Tank engine, and anything train related. He is a social butterfly, who can grab the attention of anyone around him. He likes to tell stangers that "He loves them" I get a kick out of that. He is stuttering a little, but it doesn't keep him from really communicating, and it is usually due to his mind working way faster than his mouth. And it comes out like he is really excited, "I-I-I-I saw the choo-choo!" We are not drawing attention to it, as he will likely grow out of it. He also loves anything that Cole does. He played soccer this summer and had fun. He is potty training at night, as the daytime is down solid now.

Ean is sly, sneaky, way too smart for his own good, "I can solve any problem that is in my way," little boy. He just turned 2, and is interested in potty training, but we aren't pushing it. It will come when it comes. Ean also has had his biting problems, but since he stays home, we just get to deal with it here. Most of it, it seems is that he is trying to communicate his desires and he is not being heard, so his reply is to bite. Zach is ususally the recipient. Ean is a brute. He is 18mo younger than Zach and at least as strong. He has actually hauled Zach up a hill in a wagon and Zach alone outweighs him by 5 pounds, not including the wagon! He is built like I am, big! He is tough, shrugs off most falls, and injuries. He fell from standing on a chair in the kitchen and cried for 3 seconds and got up and kept going. Scared him more than anything. He like Barney, and he wants to do anything that Zach does.

They are all best friends, and I get the feeling that they are forming the bonds right now, that they will share the rest of thier lives. We are very happy.

Of course, there is always a darker side. The company that I work for has gone into bankruptcy and I am awaiting word on how many pilots are going to be laid off. I think that I am safe for now, but with 5 mouths to feed, the pressure and stress is overwhelming. I will have more later or as things happen.

Sachmo...about the bird flu. No. There has yet to be a case in the US, and there is no idea when one will ever happen. The media wants to see you scared so that you will keep watching. Just live man. Remember how bad SARS was supposed to be. You are better off worrying about dying falling down the stairs or being in a car accident. At this point they are much more probable.

[WSUCougar]

Every day we would get a report on what she was doing wrong, etc. Neither my wife nor I wanted to show our faces in the place. The guy must have thought we were the worst parents in the world, perhaps only a bit less than we did. Failures. Losers. My mindset at the time was that my wife and I together were possibly causing more damage to our kids than we would apart. I was actually comtemplting a seperation to see if that will help. Desperate, eh? Wow, powerful emotions. I can totally relate to that “worst parent in the world” feeling. A remember a low point for me was very early on, when Drew was an infant and I was on leave while my wife had just gone back to work. Drew had this tendency to cry/scream in what we called “wildcat” fits, you know – the really worst ones - and one day he was on his FIFTH wildcat when I just lost it. I screamed back at him, cussed a lot, and started throwing pillows and stuff against the wall. In the end it was just a loud vent session, but I hated myself for quite awhile. I thought I was the worst father ever.

It's been wonderful. We still have our moments, and she will always be a high strung kid, mostly because he says she has above average intelligence and gets frusterated with her own limitations. But it's been almost two weeks at school with hardly a peep from her, and when she does misbehave, she is quick to apologize, and best of all...NO BITING. The thing that surprised me was how often he stops to tell my wife and I what a good job we are doing, which we really needed. He's not afraid to tell us where we are lacking, but he says that most parents he deals with are resistant to his advice, and usually the behavioral problems are caused by some sort of family dysfunction. It was really good to hear that we weren't horrible parents. It's been a rough couple of years with all of that blame heaped on top of us.

So things are definately looking up for us.
Great news! I think it serves as strong grounding for a parent to realize daily that your kid isn’t the only one doing what they’re doing, and you’re not the only parent facing this. Seriously.

When we go to the library and are checking out books about the revolutionary war and he is legitimatly excited about the subject you feel like you are on the right path.Very cool!

He is an anal perfectionist, who loves trains, Thomas the Tank engine, and anything train related. Perfectly describes my son. :D

Of course, there is always a darker side. The company that I work for has gone into bankruptcy and I am awaiting word on how many pilots are going to be laid off. I think that I am safe for now, but with 5 mouths to feed, the pressure and stress is overwhelming. I will have more later or as things happen.
Yes, please keep us apprised, and good luck with your current company. I assume you work for an airline? Tough industry that is hard to comprehend these days.

I have to say that becoming a parent sure changed my outlook on career. As a “provider” the safety net is gone. I have also become much more rooted despite being in an agency that favors relocation for promotion.

[sachmo71]

Sachmo...about the bird flu. No. There has yet to be a case in the US, and there is no idea when one will ever happen. The media wants to see you scared so that you will keep watching. Just live man. Remember how bad SARS was supposed to be. You are better off worrying about dying falling down the stairs or being in a car accident. At this point they are much more probable.


Thanks very much...that eases the stress quite a bit. Stupid SARS. Funny about the media; the more gloom they put out, the less I want to watch. :)

[FrogMan]

ahhh, so this is where all the FOFC parents hang out, cool :)

Seriously, great idea WSUCougar. I've not read everyone's comments so far but I will and will probably comment on some of them. I will certainly come here to post every once in a while about my own kiddos.

I'm the lucky dad of two wonderful sons: Andrew and Matthew. While these names sound top 10 in the nation to most of you around here, I have to remind you I live in French speaking Quebec City, land of the Stéphane, François, and where Steve (my first name) is most often spelled Steeve, so they do stand out in a crowd around here :)

This could be long, here are some specifics about each of them...

Andrew:


Andrew was born in Pittsfield, MA, giving something special over his classmates: he has dual citizenship.
He's now eight and a half
A real bright kid but is a mover and shaker, always jumping around, not really hyperactive, but needs to move
He can be a real rebellious kiddo at times and that started very early on. The word "no" was often met with him doing exactly what we didn't want him to do. My sister, who has no kid but is trying to, will always tell that story of the day where he swatted a plant at my parents. I told him "no" once, he did it again a bit more fervently. "No Andrew, don't do that" and he was doing it a bit more roughly, but with two hands in the plant. All the way looking at me with a smug smile. I got up from the coucha at that point while saying firmly "Andrew, stop that" and he went all crazy on the poor plant. The plant survived though and we still laugh about it today.
He has been practicing kenpo karate since he was 5 and is now a blue belt w/green stripe. I started karate about a year after he did to be able to follow if whatever he was doing was about right, especially when he was practicing his forms for a competition. I needed to pick up a new sport after injuring my knee in football and karate offered a controlled environment in which I could go at my own pace. Our school offers parents/kids classes at the same time (in different room) so it was perfect. Turns out it motivated him quite a bit to keep going on and while I've now gotten to a higher belt than he is, he really wants to try and get to his next belt so he can get as close to me as possible. Kind of cool to come out of karate practice on a Saturday morning and ask him what he practiced and know what he's talking about. The one other sport with which this could have happened is hockey, but he was never really interested in it, oh the shame. Nah, not really :)
He also has been playing soccer in the Summer since he was 5 and WSUCougar (and Radii) I can understand what you both mean so easily. As I said, he's 8 but he still does the kind of thing that drive me nuts. This Summer, he played with the city U9 selection team as an 8yo, so with kids mostly one year older than him. At one point, I tried teaching him stuff after the game, like how to position himself and he kept telling me it was not how it had happened in the game (remember, I said rebellious) and I got fed up. Didn't offer advice for a couple of weeks. I try not to be too demanding of him, but if there'S one thing I won't accept, it's when he refuses to listen, or try. I will never ask of him to be the best of the best, only that he tries *his* best, that he gives his all when he does something.
Among other interests have been Thomas The Tank Engine (and train in general) for many years, although this has faded as he grew up. In the past few years, Spiderman has been his main thing with a major interest in Lego blocks, especially the Bionicle series. This past year has been mostly Star Wars, culminating in him disguising as Darth Vader for the upcoming halloween :)
He's in 3rd grade and does really well in school if not for the fact that he always has to keep his mouth in check. He tends to know the answer to most questions but often forgets to raise his hand to answer. This has meant many little communication from his teacher to that effect and many "challenges" to do better. I thinks the fact that he was a lonely child (and grandchild on either side) for the first 7 years of his life has made greedy with attention and he's gotten used to having all of it. We're still teaching him that it's not right to cut off two people who are talking (say me and my wife) just because you have something to say.


Matthew:


Matthew was born in Quebec and will turn 21 months old on Saturday.
While there's nearly a 7 year difference between him and his big brother, they do share a special bond. Matty is calling Andrew's name all the time, especially whenever he sees something that reminds him of Andrew.
He is quite the impersonator and he mimics about everything we do. Show him something once and he'll repeat it pretty easily. Probably because of that part of his nature, we find him quite a bit talkative, especially compared to what we remember Andrew being at his age. He repeats everything we say especially connecting stuff he sees with the person it belongs to or remind him. A soccer ball? Aaaannnnew. My sweater? Paapaa. My wife's slippers? Maaamaaan. Pretty funny. :)
He smiles when he sees me or Andrew practice a karate move or two. When I ask him if he does karate, he starts shaking his hands in a kind of block :)
We've not really started potty training him. The pot is in the first floor bathroom and he's sit on it a few times, even peeing in it a time or two. He seems aware of when his diaper is filthy as he will usually tap on it and say "caca", so I'd assume it will come in due time. We never really pressured Andrew to the potty training and while it did take a while, it was eventually done...
Since my wife and I both work, Matthew has to go to a daycare. It's a fairly big place, subsidized by the Quebec Government, so it's fairly cheap with good services. The one thing sad about it is that he's in a group of 10-12 kiddos. That's nice for socializing but bad with microbes and the like. He's already going through his second cold of the Fall season and we're only in mid-October. :( For now, knock on wood, he's not as inclined to ear infections as his brother was, so a cold comes and goes. Ear infections suck.
My wife working, and working weird shifts like nights for the last 6 months or so, has also contributed to Matty being quite the daddy's son, while Andrew was more of a momma's boy. This is something I didn't live with Andrew. A bump, a bruise, he'd run to mamma. With Matty, it's the exact opposite. While it can be fun at times, almost rewarding, I sometimes find it almost taxing, especially in the morning when it's me and the boys, bugging one to get ready to go to school, the other dressed and ready to go to daycare gives me a whole new perspective on how single parents can deal with kids on a daily basis. Hats off to you my friends!
Some may remember me posting about him going through a fairly long period of diarrhea last Winter. Well, he got over it, but we now have to watch him so he doesn't get constipated. We have to watch his diet to make sure he has a bowel movement about every two days at the worst because if he doesn't, he gets all fussy on the third day (who wouldn't?) and looks uncomfortable. This means not too much bananas on some days.
Speaking of eating, Matty is the big eater of the two. Man can he eat. And he eats of everything. I've not found much that he doesn't like, quite the opposite of his brother who is quite the picky eater.

All in all, we got two amazing kids and even though I whine sometimes, I wouldn't change anything about my life as a dad.


FM

[KevinNU7]

So Steve when are you going to grace us with Excel spreadsheet about your kids :)

[KevinNU7]

Dola,

I'm expecting my first in mid January so I will be here posting soon

[FrogMan]

So Steve when are you going to grace us with Excel spreadsheet about your kids :)
hehehe :D

I think my kids are probably the only part of my life that is not, in some way, represented in an Excel spreadsheet ;) :p

FM

[FrogMan]

Dola,

I'm expecting my first in mid January so I will be here posting soon
Matthew was born on January 15, will be two when yours show up :)

Welcome to our world :)

FM

[Eaglesfan27]

I don't have a kid (yet - probably 2-3 years away) but I think this is a great idea. I'll be following along, if that is allowed ;)

[FrogMan]

Hey, you're the doc, I don't know about otherts, but I was hoping you'd be following along ;)

FM

[KevinNU7]

hehehe :D

I think my kids are probably the only part of my life that is not, in some way, represented in an Excel spreadsheet ;) :p

FM
If you track your checking acocunts in Excel like I do then I'd imagine your kids are in Excel atleast financially :)

[MacroGuru]

Hey, you're the doc, I don't know about otherts, but I was hoping you'd be following along ;)

FM
I second the emotion...

[JeeberD]

Great thread, parents. I'll be reading along, hoping to pick up some pointers for when the time comes a few years down the road...

[Qwikshot]

This is awesome, this is what I need today...

Okay, I'm a daddy. I have a beautiful daughter, she's 4 years, less than four months from turning 5.

Her name is Zia.

But it's all confusing.

Why so? Well, because I'm not the birth father. I'm really just now, an ex-boyfriend, who at the time was the only father figure.

But we never told my daughter, and I'm not sure when the truth will be illuminated.

Never adopted by me, I retain no legal rights, but I can arrange doctor appontments (whenever my ex decides to get insurance) and I get her every other weekend.

Now for the longest time I was raising her, so now I'm in withdrawl because it's long before I get to spend time, and it's limited in that it's just about 3 nights, and 2 days (I pick her up Friday evenings).

So today, my ex calls (She is married now) and tells me wonderful news, she's got a new job, decent pay and insurance.

So I'm happy that my smart wonderful daughter will now visit the doctor and the dentist, but frustrated because my ex seems to have everything go her way...and when it doesn't; it doesn't really affect her as much as it does my daughter.

I try to provide stability, but I feel like I'm losing ground. I try to be a better man and be happy for my ex, but I feel envious. I was the good guy, and I'm struggling, not to accept...but amazed at how well everything turns out while I have to settle for less, for me and my daughter.

I'm going to Australia in two weeks, I'm contemplating not returning, in fact, if it weren't for my daughter, I wouldn't, I'd rather start anew.

She's the only reason I'd come back; She's the only reason I stick around.

I get a call everyday, "When are you coming to pick me up?" or "I really miss you", generally both. I know sometimes it's embellishment because Zia is the center of my attention when she's over, she really is my world.

It's been two years since her mom and I split. I was there for ultrasounds, I was there for the birth, the first time she rolled over, the first words, crawling, standing, walking, love yous...sometimes I feel that I won't be seeing more, I got her first bike, her first bed, I make her brush her teeth, she learned my street address first, she knows my phone number (and can dial it), she knows what 911 is and what to do in most emergencies. She's brash and tough, she amazes my friends with her manners. She's has my personality, she learned to pout from me, and I read her stories and she's learned how to say "secured" and "explanation" and what they means; she sings to the Talking Heads, Janis Joplin, Sonny and Cher (don't ask), Booker T and the MGs, Sam and Dave...

She's my best memory of everything.

Everyday is hard, but like Homer, I do it for her.

[FrogMan]

Forgot to mention the latest thing that happened with Andrew: a lie, not a tiny one, a pretty good one, at least to my eyes.

Let's put it in perspective. In his class, there's this thing where every kid has a spider with his/her number on it. Every Monday, every kid's spider starts the week in the grass, you want your spider to keep playing in the grass. A kid's spider goes up one step if in the day the kid has been warned more than once on any of 5 simple class rules. The one rule with which Andrew has the most problem, and you might be able to guess it if you read my long post, is speaking without being allowd to (i.e. not having raised his hand to ask for permission to speak). If your spider doesn't move up at all, you get some reward (that the kid has previously picked out of possible rewards, Andrew has picked a 10 minute period on their class computer as a reward I think). If your spider moves up one rank, you don't automatically get your reward but your name is put in a drawing to maybe get picked for a reward. Up two and three ranks you're in the grey zone, nothing really happens. Four ranks, the kid has to write his challenge in his notebook and get it signed by his parents and 5 ranks, the teacher writes something to the parents, mostly so the kids sees it's important to behave.

Three weeks ago, Andrew had a rough week relatively speaking, getting 2 or more warnings on all but one day, so his spider went up to the 4th rank, not good. He wrote his little message and we had a good talk. The following week, so the week before last week, he went all but one day with less than two warnings, so all in all a very good week. No need to tell you we praised him and told him not to give in to the temptation of talking without raising his hand. He seemed in high spirit and when he kept telling me all last week that it was going great and he was getting warned only once a day, I saw nothing wrong with it. I'm sure you see where I'm going with this. Turns out is week last week was not that good. he was warned two or three times even in some days for 4 out of the 5 days. When he was telling us that everything was fine. Now, remember that a kid with 4 bad days in a week has to write a note to his parents. When Friday morning came, he got absolutely desperate and admitted to his teacher that he'd been lying to us. I think she handled it very well, as she had him write a fairly long letter, at least for a 3rd grader, in which he explained that he was sorry he'd lied to us, that he didn't want to disappoint us by telling us it wasn't going well. He was in tears when he presented me the letter after I'd picked him up from school. I'm usually fairly prompt to reprimand him, but I just couldn't go hard on him. I simply told him that he had to see this as a lesson, that everything you say and do can, and often will be held against you at some point in the future. Same, as I reminded him, that if I asked his karate teacher if it had gone well and he lied to me, I'd have a chance to talk to his teacher at one point someday. I also asked him if he thought he'd get away with it, knowing he had to write something if it didn't go right in the week. He acknowledged that he had not thought about that.

I then told him that trust is something you build over time, but that you can destroy quite rapidly. I also told him that he had to see this as a lesson. I'm like that in life, and with my kids. It's not always a big deal if you screw up, as long as you learn from it and don't do it again. Nothing irks me more than a person (say a coworker) who keeps making the same mistake (or a similar mistake) over and over.

Thing is, a bit like sachmo and the weight of being the worst parents in the world, I felt a bit guilty for what he'd done. Had we put too much pressure on him? Had we put too much emphasis on the good, so much so that it made the lie look like nothing much? Sigh, kids can bring so much to ya, but they also force you to be a better person...

The lie in itself isn't that big deal, it's the realization that he can lie to us, knowingly, and with it, the fact that we could lose control over him like that. He's only 8, yet he's already 8. We know what he's doing most of the time, but someday he'll be with kids we don't know about, even though we'll try to know what he does in his time, but it doesn't take much to lose him, or any kid. That's my fear, not a big fear, but one I've got in the back of my mind...

Thanks for reading.


FM

[MacroGuru]

This is awesome, this is what I need today...

Okay, I'm a daddy. I have a beautiful daughter, she's 4 years, less than four months from turning 5.

Her name is Zia.

But it's all confusing.

Why so? Well, because I'm not the birth father. I'm really just now, an ex-boyfriend, who at the time was the only father figure.

But we never told my daughter, and I'm not sure when the truth will be illuminated.

Never adopted by me, I retain no legal rights, but I can arrange doctor appontments (whenever my ex decides to get insurance) and I get her every other weekend.

Now for the longest time I was raising her, so now I'm in withdrawl because it's long before I get to spend time, and it's limited in that it's just about 3 nights, and 2 days (I pick her up Friday evenings).

So today, my ex calls (She is married now) and tells me wonderful news, she's got a new job, decent pay and insurance.

So I'm happy that my smart wonderful daughter will now visit the doctor and the dentist, but frustrated because my ex seems to have everything go her way...and when it doesn't; it doesn't really affect her as much as it does my daughter.

I try to provide stability, but I feel like I'm losing ground. I try to be a better man and be happy for my ex, but I feel envious. I was the good guy, and I'm struggling, not to accept...but amazed at how well everything turns out while I have to settle for less, for me and my daughter.

I'm going to Australia in two weeks, I'm contemplating not returning, in fact, if it weren't for my daughter, I wouldn't, I'd rather start anew.

She's the only reason I'd come back; She's the only reason I stick around.

I get a call everyday, "When are you coming to pick me up?" or "I really miss you", generally both. I know sometimes it's embellishment because Zia is the center of my attention when she's over, she really is my world.

It's been two years since her mom and I split. I was there for ultrasounds, I was there for the birth, the first time she rolled over, the first words, crawling, standing, walking, love yous...sometimes I feel that I won't be seeing more, I got her first bike, her first bed, I make her brush her teeth, she learned my street address first, she knows my phone number (and can dial it), she knows what 911 is and what to do in most emergencies. She's brash and tough, she amazes my friends with her manners. She's has my personality, she learned to pout from me, and I read her stories and she's learned how to say "secured" and "explanation" and what they means; she sings to the Talking Heads, Janis Joplin, Sonny and Cher (don't ask), Booker T and the MGs, Sam and Dave...

She's my best memory of everything.

Everyday is hard, but like Homer, I do it for her.
Alright, damn near made me cry here..I feel for you, and I feel for the decision you are now thrusting upon yourself with Australia.

Please, let us know, keep us up to date on anything and everything, and hey, if you just need to vent and/or chat...PM, I am willing to be that person that listens....

[WSUCougar]

Wow, Qwik...what a wonderful yet terrible situation to be in. You sound like such a devoted parent. Seriously, man.

Yet I'm not sure where things could lead with that, at least from a legal standpoint. It sounds like you are on decent terms with your ex, but how is she as a parent? Is she as devoted to Zia as you are? What does she say/think about you and Zia? Ever discuss things in a future sense?

I'm not sure what else to say, except to say keep posting about your feelings.

[WSUCougar]

The lie in itself isn't that big deal, it's the realization that he can lie to us, knowingly, and with it, the fact that we could lose control over him like that. He's only 8, yet he's already 8. We know what he's doing most of the time, but someday he'll be with kids we don't know about, even though we'll try to know what he does in his time, but it doesn't take much to lose him, or any kid. That's my fear, not a big fear, but one I've got in the back of my mind...
I can totally relate. My son is only pushing four, but I have that same fear lurking in my mind. The little voice that says, "If he does X behavior now, and you don't nip it in the bud, just think what it might develop into...YOU MUST BE A BAD PARENT!"

One of Drew's issues that we are currently facing is his tendency to use the word "Sorry" as a get out of jail free card. Almost any poor behavior, bad word, accident, or whatever, if he gets called on it, he just says his stock "sorrrrrrrry" and acts as if that clears the issue. We've taught him to apologize if he does something inappropriate, but DAMN. And if we continue on, he'll sometimes say, "But I said sorry!" and act wounded like we've crossed some sort of hideous boundary. Alert the media, we're mentally abusing our child! :mad:

[sachmo71]

Frogman - out therapist told us that children don't really learn right from wrong as a concept until they are around 11 or 12, if that helps.

Qwikshot - I really feel for you, man. Hopefully you can keep things on a good footing with your ex, because as you say, all decisions affect your daughter first.

[FrogMan]

Frogman - out therapist told us that children don't really learn right from wrong as a concept until they are around 11 or 12, if that helps.
you know, I read what you wrote and thought to myself "nah, that's too old, he had to know it wasn't right", then I stopped and thought about the scene on Friday when Andrew told me he'd lied to me, about what he had written in his letter. I do believe he simply didn't want to disappoint us, that he knew it would make us happy to hear him tell us he was doing well, and it was/still is making us happy to hear him do well.

Maybe you're right sachmo, thanks for putting it in perspective... Live and let live I guess...

Qwikshot, I've known about your situation for a little while now, as you've brushed the subject a couple of times in the HT forum I think, but man, I feel for you. Not much I can tell you but that I hope everything turns out for the best. I know that if one day I get split from my sons, it'll rip my heart out. I'm crying as I type this, to let you know how much I feel for your situation... Best of luck dude, hang in there...

FM

[Radii]

Man, Oliegirl and I are pretty lucky. We both realize it, but 99% of the time we have a damn good kid. Healthy, smart, and generally well behaved. I honestly have not ever had the fear/worry/guilt that I am a bad parent, but I'm coming from a drastically different situation, since I didn't come into Anthony's life until he was already 5. I wonder how that will be different when we have another that is biologically mine and that I help raise from day 1.

Frogman, on the lying thing, it could be worse. I remember having a natural instinct to try to get out of trouble by any means necessary, and my son does too. Pretty sure my wife does as well for that matter, even if it means telling a fairly obvious bold faced lie.

Last year, and keep in mind this was in the *1st grade* we had a little incident with Anthony taking an attempt to avoid trouble quite a long ways. He had some bad behavior mentioned on a weekly report from his teacher, probably for talking in class too much, after having had a rough few days and being scolded and reminded to be on his best behavior, etc. So he is supposed to get this report signed by his parents. We never see it, until a week goes by and Oliegirl is in his classroom and goes in his desk to get something and finds it.

Apparently, he told his teacher he gave it to us and we hadn't signed it yet. He told us that his teacher didn't hand out the report to get signed(she didn't always have weekly reports for us so this was believable). He signed his mother's name on and put it in his desk. When I say "signed his mother's name" I mean that he wrote her first name in big giant 1st grade print, in pencil. Her first name was misspelled. No last name. We asked him what he thought would happen when his teacher asked for it, and he said that he thought she would just take the note, see his mom's name on it, and everything would be fine.



We continue to catch him on occasion telling incredibly stupid lies because he's afraid he's done something to get into trouble. Often its over simple stuff that we wouldn't even care about but that he thinks he'll get in trouble for. We have to continually impress upon him that the consequences of lying are *always* worse than coming clean in the first place, no matter what you've done wrong.

[MacroGuru]

One of Drew's issues that we are currently facing is his tendency to use the word "Sorry" as a get out of jail free card. Almost any poor behavior, bad word, accident, or whatever, if he gets called on it, he just says his stock "sorrrrrrrry" and acts as if that clears the issue. We've taught him to apologize if he does something inappropriate, but DAMN. And if we continue on, he'll sometimes say, "But I said sorry!" and act wounded like we've crossed some sort of hideous boundary. Alert the media, we're mentally abusing our child! :mad:
Avery, my 5 year old, uses the "It was an accident" excuse now that we told him that sorry doesn't hack it, when you do something that you have meant to do, and it gets you in trouble.

[FrogMan]

One of Drew's issues that we are currently facing is his tendency to use the word "Sorry" as a get out of jail free card. Almost any poor behavior, bad word, accident, or whatever, if he gets called on it, he just says his stock "sorrrrrrrry" and acts as if that clears the issue. We've taught him to apologize if he does something inappropriate, but DAMN. And if we continue on, he'll sometimes say, "But I said sorry!" and act wounded like we've crossed some sort of hideous boundary. Alert the media, we're mentally abusing our child! :mad:
The word "sorry" is also one he uses very often. For simple things like letting out one big burp at the table. I mean, it's one thing to let a big one go at home, with only the four of us around the table, but saying you are sorry when you rip a big one in the middle of a karate class will still put you in trouble with the teacher. (it has happened in the past, from now on, no hot-dogs before karate ;))

But then there are more important things, like throwing a toy in the air and having it fall very close to his small brother's head. You look at him, ask him what went through his mind when he thought it'd be a good idea to throw said toy (say as big as a truck) and he'll go "I'm sorry"... sigh...

FM

[FrogMan]

Frogman, on the lying thing, it could be worse. I remember having a natural instinct to try to get out of trouble by any means necessary, and my son does too. Pretty sure my wife does as well for that matter, even if it means telling a fairly obvious bold faced lie.

I agree, it could be quite worse and Andrew isn't really the worst of it kids, I guess it caught us off guard. Seeing myself as possibly the worst parent in the world is probably also part of my own personality, as I'm very critical of myself, in everything I do.


We continue to catch him on occasion telling incredibly stupid lies because he's afraid he's done something to get into trouble. Often its over simple stuff that we wouldn't even care about but that he thinks he'll get in trouble for. We have to continually impress upon him that the consequences of lying are *always* worse than coming clean in the first place, no matter what you've done wrong.
That's the thing, this one was the first big one we caught him into. What I bolded is exactly the way we are going about it from now on...

FM

[ibnsgirl]

I hate this computer. I’ve spent nearly an hour restarting this thing every time it freezes.

Anyway, wow…. I’ve got a couple of comments to make and a way-too-long vent session, so bear with me.

Quikshot: I cannot imagine what you are going through. If something were to happen that I had to be away from my daughter, I don’t know what I’d do. To say the least, I would be lost. You sound like you are trying to do what is right by your daughter. Hang in there. (sorry, tears welling up.)

Pilotman: For what it is worth, I was homeschooled, so if there is any way I can help, let me know. Also, I understand some about the flight industry (my dad was a test pilot). It isn’t always the easiest community in which to work.

In my first post, I just wanted to introduce myself. After reading what some of y’all have written, my issues seem like nothing. They still worry me, though:

I guess the number one thing that has been on my mind is the grandparents. Lucy has three grandparents: Tony’s parents and my mom. This is the first grandchild and great-grandchild on both sides. We live about 2.5 hours from where they do, which is either too close or too far. It’s too close in that we are expected to drive up to see them. It is too far in that to go means spending at least one night.

There was always a lot of stress when I was growing up, but all that changed a couple of years ago when my dad was killed, and Tony and I got married. As the two events were not that far apart, my mom’s home life really changed (I was an only child, so she’s on her own for the first time in 30 years). As a result, she went from being controlling to not wanting to interfere with the way we are raising Lucy at all. It seems like she is walking on eggshells all of the time. As she sees it, we have our family, we need our privacy, etc. Which is not necessarily bad, but…

Tony’s parents *really* wanted grandchildren. I can’t stress this enough. So much so that it seems as if they see Lucy as theirs and not ours. That may seem awfully harsh, but it is the way it comes across to me. I admit that I am a sensitive person, but man, having a baby obviously really changed me. I went from mostly easy-going to uber-protective. It is these little comments that get me. First, I was not feeding Lucy enough (our pediatrician was thrilled with her progress). Then, Lucy was being held by Tony and I too much (as opposed to other people [them]). We weren’t bringing her up to see them enough. Lucy is never going to learn their language. (Tony’s background and mine are pretty different. His mom is from a different country, and at home, his family often speaks that language. I am really not good at speaking it, so I don’t. We have always known that Tony would teach her.) You get the drift. Meanwhile, my mom doesn’t even want to hold Lucy if that is going to bother us or Lucy (as she is easily overstimulated and pretty high-strung, and even someone else holding her can be too much for her to handle).

All of this seems like such little stuff, but when this happens every time we are up there - ugh. Last time, she was having a very difficult time sleeping, so she would start crying when she got tired. Lucy was then labeled “touchy” and given to her grandma to be settled down. I guess I’m just around to feed her and change her. I’m just her mom and I obviously don't know what I'm doing or she'd be quiet. I end up a nervous wreck when we go to their house and looking for the earliest opportunity to ease out of the room. These are Tony’s parents, for goodness sake!

Tony knows all of this, and we’ve spoken on it and are in agreement that we know what is best for Lucy and we will do the best we can. As I said, it might just be that I have gone way too sensitive as I am having such a hard time letting things slide.

Is the grandparent thing ever going to get easier? Does it help when the “new” wears off or with subsequent kids? Do I just move to a different state? I know I can’t be alone here.

This got way too long, but I feel somewhat better getting this out. Thanks guys!

[MacroGuru]

I hate this computer. I’ve spent nearly an hour restarting this thing every time it freezes.

Anyway, wow…. I’ve got a couple of comments to make and a way-too-long vent session, so bear with me.

Quikshot: I cannot imagine what you are going through. If something were to happen that I had to be away from my daughter, I don’t know what I’d do. To say the least, I would be lost. You sound like you are trying to do what is right by your daughter. Hang in there. (sorry, tears welling up.)

Pilotman: For what it is worth, I was homeschooled, so if there is any way I can help, let me know. Also, I understand some about the flight industry (my dad was a test pilot). It isn’t always the easiest community in which to work.

In my first post, I just wanted to introduce myself. After reading what some of y’all have written, my issues seem like nothing. They still worry me, though:

I guess the number one thing that has been on my mind is the grandparents. Lucy has three grandparents: Tony’s parents and my mom. This is the first grandchild and great-grandchild on both sides. We live about 2.5 hours from where they do, which is either too close or too far. It’s too close in that we are expected to drive up to see them. It is too far in that to go means spending at least one night.

There was always a lot of stress when I was growing up, but all that changed a couple of years ago when my dad was killed, and Tony and I got married. As the two events were not that far apart, my mom’s home life really changed (I was an only child, so she’s on her own for the first time in 30 years). As a result, she went from being controlling to not wanting to interfere with the way we are raising Lucy at all. It seems like she is walking on eggshells all of the time. As she sees it, we have our family, we need our privacy, etc. Which is not necessarily bad, but…

Tony’s parents *really* wanted grandchildren. I can’t stress this enough. So much so that it seems as if they see Lucy as theirs and not ours. That may seem awfully harsh, but it is the way it comes across to me. I admit that I am a sensitive person, but man, having a baby obviously really changed me. I went from mostly easy-going to uber-protective. It is these little comments that get me. First, I was not feeding Lucy enough (our pediatrician was thrilled with her progress). Then, Lucy was being held by Tony and I too much (as opposed to other people [them]). We weren’t bringing her up to see them enough. Lucy is never going to learn their language. (Tony’s background and mine are pretty different. His mom is from a different country, and at home, his family often speaks that language. I am really not good at speaking it, so I don’t. We have always known that Tony would teach her.) You get the drift. Meanwhile, my mom doesn’t even want to hold Lucy if that is going to bother us or Lucy (as she is easily overstimulated and pretty high-strung, and even someone else holding her can be too much for her to handle).

All of this seems like such little stuff, but when this happens every time we are up there - ugh. Last time, she was having a very difficult time sleeping, so she would start crying when she got tired. Lucy was then labeled “touchy” and given to her grandma to be settled down. I guess I’m just around to feed her and change her. I’m just her mom and I obviously don't know what I'm doing or she'd be quiet. I end up a nervous wreck when we go to their house and looking for the earliest opportunity to ease out of the room. These are Tony’s parents, for goodness sake!

Tony knows all of this, and we’ve spoken on it and are in agreement that we know what is best for Lucy and we will do the best we can. As I said, it might just be that I have gone way too sensitive as I am having such a hard time letting things slide.

Is the grandparent thing ever going to get easier? Does it help when the “new” wears off or with subsequent kids? Do I just move to a different state? I know I can’t be alone here.

This got way too long, but I feel somewhat better getting this out. Thanks guys!

I like quoting the entire thing and then responding in small responses....:D

Honestly,

This is the way it was and has been with my wifes family. They feel they should be able to tell us how to raise the kids, and they stepped back when I told them, these are our children, Dennis and Emilie's not yours, you can voice your opinion once, we will note it, and then we will move on. Thats the best advice I can give you, and it is hard, especially when emotions are involved. Our baby boy (Born a month and a half after yours) has been a blessing, both families have left us to deal with it as seen fit and not tossed their hands into it.

Our problem person in the family now has moved beyond the Grandparents to the Aunt...My wifes sister lives an alternate lifestyle but wants kids, she has basically assumed that my daughter (First grandchild born on both sides) is hers, and she treats her like hers. We just recently found out that she has introduced our daughter as hers to people when they have been out together. This caused me to hit the roof, pick up the phone, and prepare a major chewing session, my wife calmed me down and told me no. She handled it on her own. I do not know what was said, but I received an apology from the sister.

[sachmo71]

This caused me to hit the roof, pick up the phone, and prepare a major chewing session, my wife calmed me down and told me no. She handled it on her own. I do not know what was said, but I received an apology from the sister.


I've learned that one as well. Bite thy tongue and let cooler heads prevail. It usually get's better results.

ibnsgirl, I've been through a lot of the stuff you are going through with my MIL. They live about an hour and a half south, and so it's the "not a big deal but a hassle" to go see them for the day. The MIL is very much into spoiling the kids, and I now let that pretty much go, because a number of other things have happened and I'm still trying to figure out how to have a normal relationship with them. But the one thing that has helped me with her is honest talk. She seems to read me and my concerns, and goes out of her way to accomidate me. That doesn't work with everyone, though, so take that with a grain of salt. I hope things relax a bit as your daughter get's older, which obviously they will, but to what extent you can't be sure.

[Eaglesfan27]

Frogman - out therapist told us that children don't really learn right from wrong as a concept until they are around 11 or 12, if that helps.


That is sort of correct, but not completely so. Kids don't learn abstract thinking until 11 or 12 and that is when one's moral system is really developing. However, they can tell right from wrong by about age 8 (give or take a year depending on the child.) Kids that are 8 should be able to start understanding rules, and actually tend to "over-follow" rules sometimes.

That being said, what happened with your child isn't that uncommon Frogman and it doesn't make you a bad parent. However, I would encourage you to continue to work on teaching your kid to follow the rules and to help him distinguish right from wrong. From what you told me, I think you handled the situation very well.

[Galaxy]

Great thread...A young college buck myself, I am still on the highway drivin' 55 before exiting for children (but someday). It's amazing to see all the growth and development of children to where we are today. Looks like you should never underestimate your children's mind from these posts.

[TonyR]

I've been reading and keeping up so thought I should finally post.
I'm Tony, and I'm married to ibnsgirl. We've been married 14 months, and we have a 3 month old (Lucy).

To Qwikshot - my heart and prayers go out to you. I've only had my little one for 3 months, and I know I can't be without her.

As for me, the thing with my parents is mostly my mom. She grew up in a large family, and (imo) regrets not having a big family of her own.
She'd been trying to marry off since I turned 17. Needless to say how much she wanted a grandchild.
She's thinking that I am going to neglect my heritage/background as far as teaching it to Lucy as she grows.
I've already told her once that Lucy was my wife's and mine not hers. It's like she doesn't get it sometimes...oh well, I'll fix it soon enough.

Lee's done the noble thing of being a stay-at-home mom. I could never really tell or show her how much I appreciate that.

The big issues on my mind involve my work. For those that do not know, I'm a Border Patrol Agent stationed in Laredo, Texas.
Laredo is (imo) one of the worst place to raise a family. The city ranks dead last (of the "major" cities) in literacy and education, customer service is non-existant, and there is no "safe" neighborhood anywhere in town.

We get no respect in this town what-so-ever. The laws we enforce are a joke to everybody. We send people to court for smuggling people or drugs, and the worst most people get is probation. The community knows it, and it is very frustraing for me because it makes me feel that doing my job is worthless. I've taken countless criminals off the streets (child molesters, murderers, sex offenders, narcotics trafficers, etc) but most usually end up getting sent back to their country of origion to try and re-enter another day.

I like my job, but I work 50+ hours a week. Lately I've been pulling 11-12 hour days. That in itself is not bad, but I rotate shifts every 4 weeks. That's 4 weeks of days, 4 weeks of evenings, then 4 weeks of mids and start cycle again. To top things off, I never have set days off that are consistant. This week it's two days, next week 2 different days, next week, 2 more different days, etc. I'm afraid that spending all this time at work is making me miss all the things that Lucy is going through. All the little milestones.

I've been trying anything and everything to get out of this place to another federal job. I've spent 4 very hard years with BP. It's a very good job and it's treated me well enough so far, but ever since I found out I was going to be a dad I've been trying to put my family first and get us out of here (No luck so far).

I've been encouraged by several current supervisors that I should put in for supervisor and that I would do a good job at it. I would love the opportunity of promotion, but I would've liked it to be somewhere nicer where I can raise my family. It just seems that more likely you have to be a supervisor to be considered for any type of transfer. Not to mention being a supervisor adds at least another hour and a half to your workday.

Moral at my station is in the pits. It's been said that out of 400 or so agents that work there, over 330 have put in for other jobs. Yet nothing has been done to try and improve moral. The service itself is more focused on recruiting over retention and veiws us all as replaceable.

I'm just trying to be a good provider as well as trying to make sure I raise my family in a healthy environment and I know it will not happen where I am at now.

In anycase, thanks for the thread and for listening.

[KevinNU7]

Anyway, wow…. I’ve got a couple of comments to make and a way-too-long vent session, so bear with me.
Wow! Everything you wrote was exactly how I fear my/our families will be. My wife's parents are divorced and we only really see her mom on a regular basis. Meanwhile my parents live 90 minutes away and are both Portuguese and want to make sure my son speaks Portuguese (even though I don't speak it well). I fear that they will be very much on top of us and it will really piss off my wife.

[FrogMan]

That is sort of correct, but not completely so. Kids don't learn abstract thinking until 11 or 12 and that is when one's moral system is really developing. However, they can tell right from wrong by about age 8 (give or take a year depending on the child.) Kids that are 8 should be able to start understanding rules, and actually tend to "over-follow" rules sometimes.

That being said, what happened with your child isn't that uncommon Frogman and it doesn't make you a bad parent. However, I would encourage you to continue to work on teaching your kid to follow the rules and to help him distinguish right from wrong. From what you told me, I think you handled the situation very well.
Thanks doc, good insight. I'm not so sure about him "over-following" rules though :) Not that he'd regularly try to find ways around said rules, but he can have a very a very short memory as to what rules exist at times :)

Teaching Andrew to follow these rules and remind him of said rules is indeed what we try to do whenever something like that happens.

Thanks again.

FM

[Godzilla Blitz]

That is sort of correct, but not completely so. Kids don't learn abstract thinking until 11 or 12 and that is when one's moral system is really developing. However, they can tell right from wrong by about age 8 (give or take a year depending on the child.) Kids that are 8 should be able to start understanding rules, and actually tend to "over-follow" rules sometimes.
The belief that children start to distinguish right from wrong about the age of seven or eight is based on the work of Piaget and Kohlberg, which is what most of us have been taught in college and high school.

It is critical to note that there is a lot of good, current research that calls into question many of the conclusions drawn by these researchers. Newer research indicates that children often much younger--even as young as three--can distinguish to a surprisingly degree of complexity the difference between right and wrong actions.

A lot of this arises from the realization that often children at very young ages can view an incident from another person's perspective. In short--much earlier than Piaget believed possible--many children are able to empathize.

[PilotMan]

My wife and I always try and keep a runnning track of things that we have had to tell our kids, that are things that you should not ever have to tell your kids. Some of these are pretty funny.

- Don't bite the dog.
- Don't lick the dog.
- Don't stick chopsticks in your (eye, ear, nose).
- Your choo-choo's should never be hauling poop.
- Don't stand on your brothers head.
- Don't bite your brother.
- Don't throw dog poop at your brother.
- Don't stand on the dog.
- Don't touch the dog's butt.
- Don't let the dog kiss you after she licks her butt.
- Don't eat dirt.
- Don't put dirt/sand in your brothers hair.
- For the second day in a row, do not put a bean up your nose.
- Don't eat the dog's food.
- Don't drink out of the dog's bowl.

There are more than this, I will need to post them as I remember them.

[Eaglesfan27]

The belief that children start to distinguish right from wrong about the age of seven or eight is based on the work of Piaget and Kohlberg, which is what most of us have been taught in college and high school.

It is critical to note that there is a lot of good, current research that calls into question many of the conclusions drawn by these researchers. Newer research indicates that children often much younger--even as young as three--can distinguish to a surprisingly degree of complexity the difference between right and wrong actions.

A lot of this arises from the realization that often children at very young ages can view an incident from another person's perspective. In short--much earlier than Piaget believed possible--many children are able to empathize.
Spot on. I'm a fan of Jean Piaget (and to a lesser extent Kohlberg), but I also like and in my own mind agree with the newer research that is being done. However, when I'm teaching I'll usually teach the older stuff such as Piaget because it is usually the right answer on board examinations and such. In reality, I think there is also a great deal of variability between children.

[Qwikshot]

When Zia does wrong, she doesn't outright lie when she's with me, she will try to justify it. But when say I am watching a show while Zia is playing with my brother, and she comes back into the room, if is something we can both watch, I will allow it, but if it isn't, I will switch it off, and Zia understands that it isn't "appropriate". She understands that word, because I have used it for Family Guy, South Park, and other shows.

Of course, my ex lets her watch "Buffy".

Still I was watching bits of "Cold Case" and Zia wanted to watch, and it was rather dark, (a woman is trapped in a burning house with grills on the windows). Zia wanted to see it, so I decided to use it to my advantage in explaining the dangers of fire, and what you need to do in case of a fire. We had had a real life experience with fire when she was younger (she remembers amazingly) when my ex had a grease fire occur, and we had to use an extinguisher to put it out.

What I do try to instill is fairness. Zia will lie over the phone, but it is hard to guage if she understands so. Sometimes I think she just wants attention which I may lavish on her, being a single guy, when I have Zia, it's just me and her (sometimes my parents and brother)...when Zia is with Craig and Zoe, Zia is not the center of attention...so I get messages (she calls everyday) that she hasn't eaten, or that her friends hit her, or that they refuse to give her milk, or that she hasn't done anything all day.

So either Zia knows how to manipulate, or there are half-truths floating around. I think mainly it's because of attention...I have noticed that she does get jealous if she's not the center of attention, and she has a one track mind when it comes to getting attention, if she sees me I trump my parents, my brother, etc...she used to barely acknowledge them...more and more though I have told her, shown her, that you can share and allow everyone acknowledgement and attention...

I don't know where I'm going with this, I ramble.

I think children don't lie so much as they make their own perception, they may understand that it is wrong, but feel that there is justification (I get the cookie, I get the attention). I don't punish when I catch Zia in a lie as much as I make her accept the truth.

[WSUCougar]

I don't know where I'm going with this, I ramble.
No worries...that's the point of the thread. :cool:

Soccer tomorrow morning is going to be interesting. My wife has some other stuff to do and won't be attending. Drew tends to be more willing to do "new" stuff if mom isn't right there to cling to. Keep your fingers crossed for me.

[FrogMan]

No worries...that's the point of the thread. :cool:
Was gonna post something eerily similar to that :cool:


Soccer tomorrow morning is going to be interesting. My wife has some other stuff to do and won't be attending. Drew tends to be more willing to do "new" stuff if mom isn't right there to cling to. Keep your fingers crossed for me.
That is a good situationg there. When Andrew started doing karate when he was 4, no parents were allowed to watch the class, except once a month. You know what, most teachers have told me that these once a month invite to parents were the toughest on the kids as they are more often than not too focused on their parents and they tend to forget about doing whatever karate they knew.

Good luck with it though...

[PilotMan]

One of the biggest problems that I face is where to draw the line between being a parent with a lot of influence in my children's lives and where to be the bread winner and be responsible for our quality of life. My job is unique in that I am not home every day. In fact, I can be gone for days at a time and home again for days at a time. Sometimes, the transition between daddy being home and gone is difficult. My family gets into routines that I screw up by being home, and that is a source for friction.

We live in very fragile financial state. The investment to do what I do was very costly. Not only in terms of lost wages by being a student for 13mo, but also making next to nothing for 2 yrs. Look at it this way, my wife worked a part time job while I worked 2 jobs. In the end, she still made more money than I did. The cost of my training, coupled with the CC debt and money borrowed from family members has put us in a large hole. Think 6 figures plus. About 80% of the debt is off the books, as it is money that I owe my parents, and money that is not in my name. But it is still money owed. Of course, at the time the aviation industry was in a good state, and the expected return on investment was very good compared to comparable industries. Not so much now.

Kids go through this very important development stage up to the age of 3, where they are developing the personality, and mindset that will set the stage for how they develop the rest of thier lives. Cole's three and under years were hard, and it is plain to see the impact that it had on him, and how it affects him today. Basically, his Mom worked up to 3 jobs at a time, and he stayed home with his deadbeat grandma. This was like being on his own essentially, as she didn't pay a whole lot of attention to him.

Anyway, back to the point, my wife and I share the opinion that our family is more important than being financially secure. I need to be home as much as my job will allow, so that I can be the leader, father, and have the impact on my kids lives that I missed out upon as my parents divorced when I was two. Yet, I am the bread winner, it is my problem if we can't pay the bills. It is my problem if our house/duplex is too small for our family. It is my problem if there isn't enough money send our kids to any extra activities, like soccer, instrument lessons, karate, etc.

I feel totally handcuffed. I have held the road that my family is #1, and I try and stay home as much as I can, but I feel horrible when we can't afford to do things, and we struggle on our tight budget every month.

Now, with the company in bankruptcy, there are going to be layoffs (furlough's) as well as a pay cut. I don't make a whole lot, my base is around 36k, but I should make around 50k this year. The pay cut is going to be in the neighborhood of 10-13%. That is going to be significant to us. I still have to feed 5 people. I still have to pay the bills, and and the credit cards that got us through training.

So now there is no light at the end of the tunnel. Our lives are stuck here in limbo, when we though we would be getting free of some of it, we are mired in a bog that won't let us go. We are so tired of just getting by. Tired, of going paycheck to paychek. Tired of never seeing or feeling like we are making any progress. And I am tired of feeling like a failure and that I have let my family down, or lead them down the wrong path. A failure that I have family members holding promissory notes and not able to pay them any money. I am squeezed by the fact that I have to be committed to this career, that I cannot work for a smaller airline, as I couldn't handle the paycut. The other option is to leave the career alltoghether and go back to restaurant management, or something else where I could start off making the same amount of money right away. Right now, I can't see doing that either, because of all the time that it took just to get here, to a job that I really like.

I am leaving on a trip today, I guess I am feeling it.

Thanks for listening.

[Radii]

My wife and I always try and keep a runnning track of things that we have had to tell our kids, that are things that you should not ever have to tell your kids. Some of these are pretty funny.


Your kids really like poop. I know all (boys at least) find poop to be a hilarious thing to talk about, but wow!

[PilotMan]

Your kids really like poop. I know all (boys at least) find poop to be a hilarious thing to talk about, but wow!

Ohhhh, have I got a story or two for you! You have no idea.

This is an exerpt from a journal writing that my wife did:

From Feb 22, 2005 -
"Zachary has taken to poop painting. It's really gross to discuss but on three seprerate occasions he's removed his diaper, taken the poop out, or squated and pooped on his train set, filled up the freight cars and taken it for a ride, stopping to rub it on any available surface. Can I say yuck?"

Yeah, glad we are past that stage. Ean had a day where he was supposed to lay down for his nap, he took his diaper off, pooped in the crib and had painted it all over his toys, crib, himself. Needless to say he was off to the bath.

[FrogMan]

One of the biggest problems that I face is where to draw the line between being a parent with a lot of influence in my children's lives and where to be the bread winner and be responsible for our quality of life. My job is unique in that I am not home every day. In fact, I can be gone for days at a time and home again for days at a time. Sometimes, the transition between daddy being home and gone is difficult. My family gets into routines that I screw up by being home, and that is a source for friction.

We live in very fragile financial state. The investment to do what I do was very costly. Not only in terms of lost wages by being a student for 13mo, but also making next to nothing for 2 yrs. Look at it this way, my wife worked a part time job while I worked 2 jobs. In the end, she still made more money than I did. The cost of my training, coupled with the CC debt and money borrowed from family members has put us in a large hole. Think 6 figures plus. About 80% of the debt is off the books, as it is money that I owe my parents, and money that is not in my name. But it is still money owed. Of course, at the time the aviation industry was in a good state, and the expected return on investment was very good compared to comparable industries. Not so much now.

Kids go through this very important development stage up to the age of 3, where they are developing the personality, and mindset that will set the stage for how they develop the rest of thier lives. Cole's three and under years were hard, and it is plain to see the impact that it had on him, and how it affects him today. Basically, his Mom worked up to 3 jobs at a time, and he stayed home with his deadbeat grandma. This was like being on his own essentially, as she didn't pay a whole lot of attention to him.

Anyway, back to the point, my wife and I share the opinion that our family is more important than being financially secure. I need to be home as much as my job will allow, so that I can be the leader, father, and have the impact on my kids lives that I missed out upon as my parents divorced when I was two. Yet, I am the bread winner, it is my problem if we can't pay the bills. It is my problem if our house/duplex is too small for our family. It is my problem if there isn't enough money send our kids to any extra activities, like soccer, instrument lessons, karate, etc.

I feel totally handcuffed. I have held the road that my family is #1, and I try and stay home as much as I can, but I feel horrible when we can't afford to do things, and we struggle on our tight budget every month.

Now, with the company in bankruptcy, there are going to be layoffs (furlough's) as well as a pay cut. I don't make a whole lot, my base is around 36k, but I should make around 50k this year. The pay cut is going to be in the neighborhood of 10-13%. That is going to be significant to us. I still have to feed 5 people. I still have to pay the bills, and and the credit cards that got us through training.

So now there is no light at the end of the tunnel. Our lives are stuck here in limbo, when we though we would be getting free of some of it, we are mired in a bog that won't let us go. We are so tired of just getting by. Tired, of going paycheck to paychek. Tired of never seeing or feeling like we are making any progress. And I am tired of feeling like a failure and that I have let my family down, or lead them down the wrong path. A failure that I have family members holding promissory notes and not able to pay them any money. I am squeezed by the fact that I have to be committed to this career, that I cannot work for a smaller airline, as I couldn't handle the paycut. The other option is to leave the career alltoghether and go back to restaurant management, or something else where I could start off making the same amount of money right away. Right now, I can't see doing that either, because of all the time that it took just to get here, to a job that I really like.

I am leaving on a trip today, I guess I am feeling it.

Thanks for listening.
wow, rough times. :( Hang in there my friend, there'll be better days. Just so you know my words are not empty, let me tell you our story, which I find so very similar to yours, albeit probably not as serious (although when you're in it, it's always the most serious situation in the world).

When we got our house built in 1999, it was under the assumption that we had two salaries to pay for it, two fairly good, if not huge salaries. Not a big house mind you, but a nice two story house, that maybe was stretching our
budget a little but that we still could afford. Only Andrew was in the picture at the time, but we designed the floorplan of the house with a third bedroom on the second floor of the house. 2004 came and Matthew came with it, in
January. There's a nice government plan in Quebec that allows a mom to take up to a year off work while receiving about 55% or her previous income, so my wife was to go back to work in November or so. As the months were going by, she started dreading going back to work, well not really back to work, but back to doing that work. It was not evolving into what they'd promised her she would be doing. I told her, maybe now was the time to look for something else, relaunch your career, which she did. She found a place where she would start in January, in her field of work, Plastics transformation, where she'd be doing more mould designing and no Quality Assurance, which she was absolutely tired of doing. (she once told me she'd jump off a cliff instead of going back to being a manager in Quality Assurance. I went a bit parano and told her to never ever use this analogy, EVER) Fast forward to January, she starts her new job, with a little pay cut, but that was okay, we were still doing fine. I had to cut on a few of my enjoyments, but kids were not missing of anything and house payments were not that big a hurdle. They decided to let her go in April, after less than three months, telling her they thought she would never be any good in design. She was devastated. She started looking for another job, which she foudn after a month. That new job is where she is now. It involves adjusting and installing plastic moulds, a very physical job in which she works night shifts, for 60% the pay rate she used to work in the job she had before Matthew was born. We're now really stretched. Kids are still not missing anything, but we've cut all entertainment expenses, save for my one buy of a game a year (you now know why I enjoy FM2005 so much, it's my one big expense ;))

When I say our situation is similar to yours is when I read you say "I am leaving on a trip today, I guess I am feeling it." It's exactly how she felt on Sunday night when she had to go in to work. She'd now realized she probably wouldn't be doing this physical job all her life, but every start of a new week would bring her down more and she'd be irritable all Sunday long, leading to her not enjoying being around the kids as much, until I talked her into consulting her doctor. She was diagnosed with severe depression about three weeks ago and prescribed medications. She's been seeing a psychologist once a week since then and she's feeling better, smilier (is that a word) by the day. We're not all that much better financially, but she keeps looking, with enthusiasm now, instead of dread.

What I mean by my very long story is that, you don't know how, you don't know when, but things will get better.

Best of luck to you...

FM

[PilotMan]

You know it could be worse. We put two offers on houses this summer. Both were rejected. If we had purchased the house our situation would be dire. At least we still rent, and at least it is affordable. If we had purchased a house we would be in bankruptcy right now.

[sachmo71]

One of the biggest problems that I face is where to draw the line between being a parent with a lot of influence in my children's lives and where to be the bread winner and be responsible for our quality of life. My job is unique in that I am not home every day. In fact, I can be gone for days at a time and home again for days at a time. Sometimes, the transition between daddy being home and gone is difficult. My family gets into routines that I screw up by being home, and that is a source for friction.

We live in very fragile financial state. The investment to do what I do was very costly. Not only in terms of lost wages by being a student for 13mo, but also making next to nothing for 2 yrs. Look at it this way, my wife worked a part time job while I worked 2 jobs. In the end, she still made more money than I did. The cost of my training, coupled with the CC debt and money borrowed from family members has put us in a large hole. Think 6 figures plus. About 80% of the debt is off the books, as it is money that I owe my parents, and money that is not in my name. But it is still money owed. Of course, at the time the aviation industry was in a good state, and the expected return on investment was very good compared to comparable industries. Not so much now.

Kids go through this very important development stage up to the age of 3, where they are developing the personality, and mindset that will set the stage for how they develop the rest of thier lives. Cole's three and under years were hard, and it is plain to see the impact that it had on him, and how it affects him today. Basically, his Mom worked up to 3 jobs at a time, and he stayed home with his deadbeat grandma. This was like being on his own essentially, as she didn't pay a whole lot of attention to him.

Anyway, back to the point, my wife and I share the opinion that our family is more important than being financially secure. I need to be home as much as my job will allow, so that I can be the leader, father, and have the impact on my kids lives that I missed out upon as my parents divorced when I was two. Yet, I am the bread winner, it is my problem if we can't pay the bills. It is my problem if our house/duplex is too small for our family. It is my problem if there isn't enough money send our kids to any extra activities, like soccer, instrument lessons, karate, etc.

I feel totally handcuffed. I have held the road that my family is #1, and I try and stay home as much as I can, but I feel horrible when we can't afford to do things, and we struggle on our tight budget every month.

Now, with the company in bankruptcy, there are going to be layoffs (furlough's) as well as a pay cut. I don't make a whole lot, my base is around 36k, but I should make around 50k this year. The pay cut is going to be in the neighborhood of 10-13%. That is going to be significant to us. I still have to feed 5 people. I still have to pay the bills, and and the credit cards that got us through training.

So now there is no light at the end of the tunnel. Our lives are stuck here in limbo, when we though we would be getting free of some of it, we are mired in a bog that won't let us go. We are so tired of just getting by. Tired, of going paycheck to paychek. Tired of never seeing or feeling like we are making any progress. And I am tired of feeling like a failure and that I have let my family down, or lead them down the wrong path. A failure that I have family members holding promissory notes and not able to pay them any money. I am squeezed by the fact that I have to be committed to this career, that I cannot work for a smaller airline, as I couldn't handle the paycut. The other option is to leave the career alltoghether and go back to restaurant management, or something else where I could start off making the same amount of money right away. Right now, I can't see doing that either, because of all the time that it took just to get here, to a job that I really like.

I am leaving on a trip today, I guess I am feeling it.

Thanks for listening.


Pilotman,

That sounds like an awful postion to be in. I hope things work out for you guys. I have a feeling avation will open back up again once fuel prices go down and stay down for a while. As you know, in resturant management, you hardly have any time at home anyway if you want to get anywhere, and the work pretty much sucks.

[KevinNU7]

Hey Qwik congrats on the move to Australia (General Discussion) hope everything works out alright with Zia

[Buzzbee]

Hmmm...great idea Coug, but that's what I've come to expect from you. I'll post more when I have time.

It sounds like I'm a bit out of place in this thread. Radii is probably my closest ally. I have two daughters, 14 and 10. Both are from my wife's previous marriage. My oldest was 6 when my wife and I met, the youngest 2. We got married when they were 8 and 4. I adopted them both 3 years ago. I never had the joy of diapers, thank goodness, but I'm getting paid back for it now.

Steph, 14, is a freshman in high school. I hate high school boys. ERRRRRR!!!!! Stay AWAY from my DAUGHTER!! She doesn't make it easy though. She has to be in constant contact with her friends. She will be on the house phone, her cell phone, or AIM. Sometimes all three!!!

Needless to say, Sammi is quite the 10 year old angel at this point. Her sister makes her look gooooooood.

I'm sure I'll have lots of stories for y'all.


By the way, in regard to "I'm sorry" don't worry it will go away. However, it will be replaced by "Just kidding" right after they say the meanest thing they could possibly say.

Whhheeeeeee!!!! This is fun!!

[Qwikshot]

Hey Qwik congrats on the move to Australia (General Discussion) hope everything works out alright with Zia

Well it's just two weeks, it'll be, "Can I really live here" type of experience...Zia is cool with it, but I know she's a bit apprehensive.

But I plan just to see if I'll like it...I wouldn't abandon Zia.

[oliegirl]

By the way, in regard to "I'm sorry" don't worry it will go away. However, it will be replaced by "Just kidding" right after they say the meanest thing they could possibly say.

I don't know which post this is in regard to, but it reminded me of something that is driving me crazy, so I'll post about it:

Anthony has recently started a very annoying habit. When he does something wrong and one of us says "Anthony, why did you do that", or "Anthony, be careful", or "Anthony, pay more attention to what you are doing"...his response is to look at whoever is talking to him with this stupid expression - kind of like to say "I know you are speaking English, but I have no idea what you just said to me". He stands like this, not saying anything or doing anything, until one of us tells him what to do. Case in point...

He had a plastic glass on a coaster, and when he picked it up, the coaster was attached to the glass - I told him "Anthony, watch what you are doing" but he stood there and just looked at me until the coaster fell off the cup and onto his dinner plate which was covered in syrup (waffles for dinner every once in a while). Then I said "Anthony, please pay more attention to what you are doing", at which point he balanced the plate on one hand while trying to pick the coaster out of the syrup...which is when I said "No, just leave it and put it in the sink to be washed"...but it was too late and the coaster slipped out of his hand and landed on the carpet. I figured he would be smart enough to know to put the plate down, pick up the coaster, and then bring everything into the kitchen to be washed. But he just stood there. So I said, "Pick up the coaster"...he picked it up and stood there. So I said "Put everything in the sink", but he just stared at me...which is when I lost it and yelled for radii to come handle the situation. Once everything was in the sink and the carpet was wiped up, I figured I'd get an "I'm sorry" - but nothing, he just continued to stand there like a bump on a log. Which made me angrier. So I looked at Richard and said "All that, and we still haven't even heard I am sorry"...Anthony says "I'm sorry" and then we go through the speech about how if you have to ask for an apology, it doesn't really mean much and if you do something wrong, just apologize for it and then fix it.

Fast forward to yesterday - we get over to my dad's house to hang out awhile before karate. After about 2 hours, we head out and I see that his car door is open...I say "Why is your door open"...he looks at the door and says "I dont' know". I say "Well, did you close it"...he says "I guess not". So I take some deep breaths, get in and start the car...as we are backing out of the driveway I say "Hmm, still no I'm Sorry". He says "I'm sorry" but clearly doesn't mean it, and I have to go through the whole speech again.

I never thought saying I'm sorry was a difficult thing. We have told him millions of times that just saying it means alot to the other person, and that it's a good thing to say when you have done something wrong or messed up - even if it's just something small. Any ideas of how to get this through his thick skull????

[Buzzbee]

I don't know which post this is in regard to, but it reminded me of something that is driving me crazy, so I'll post about it:

Anthony has recently started a very annoying habit. When he does something wrong and one of us says "Anthony, why did you do that", or "Anthony, be careful", or "Anthony, pay more attention to what you are doing"...his response is to look at whoever is talking to him with this stupid expression - kind of like to say "I know you are speaking English, but I have no idea what you just said to me". He stands like this, not saying anything or doing anything, until one of us tells him what to do. Case in point...

He had a plastic glass on a coaster, and when he picked it up, the coaster was attached to the glass - I told him "Anthony, watch what you are doing" but he stood there and just looked at me until the coaster fell off the cup and onto his dinner plate which was covered in syrup (waffles for dinner every once in a while). Then I said "Anthony, please pay more attention to what you are doing", at which point he balanced the plate on one hand while trying to pick the coaster out of the syrup...which is when I said "No, just leave it and put it in the sink to be washed"...but it was too late and the coaster slipped out of his hand and landed on the carpet. I figured he would be smart enough to know to put the plate down, pick up the coaster, and then bring everything into the kitchen to be washed. But he just stood there. So I said, "Pick up the coaster"...he picked it up and stood there. So I said "Put everything in the sink", but he just stared at me...which is when I lost it and yelled for radii to come handle the situation. Once everything was in the sink and the carpet was wiped up, I figured I'd get an "I'm sorry" - but nothing, he just continued to stand there like a bump on a log. Which made me angrier. So I looked at Richard and said "All that, and we still haven't even heard I am sorry"...Anthony says "I'm sorry" and then we go through the speech about how if you have to ask for an apology, it doesn't really mean much and if you do something wrong, just apologize for it and then fix it.

Fast forward to yesterday - we get over to my dad's house to hang out awhile before karate. After about 2 hours, we head out and I see that his car door is open...I say "Why is your door open"...he looks at the door and says "I dont' know". I say "Well, did you close it"...he says "I guess not". So I take some deep breaths, get in and start the car...as we are backing out of the driveway I say "Hmm, still no I'm Sorry". He says "I'm sorry" but clearly doesn't mean it, and I have to go through the whole speech again.

I never thought saying I'm sorry was a difficult thing. We have told him millions of times that just saying it means alot to the other person, and that it's a good thing to say when you have done something wrong or messed up - even if it's just something small. Any ideas of how to get this through his thick skull????
My first thought is that since these were 'accidents' he doesn't feel a need to say he is sorry. If he intentionally got syrup on the carpet, I'm guessing an "I'm sorry" would follow. Since he didn't intend to leave the car door open, and since no harm was done, he probably doesn't think there is a need for an "I'm sorry."

Just my guess.

[FrogMan]

We all get our little momemts of pride where we can...

I've been venting about Andrew quite a bit around here but today the kid made daddy proud, so I have to say it too...

We had karate class, him with a kids group, me with an adults group. The two class are separate by a wall, in a way, both teachers are back to back, with a wall that goes about 80% of the width of the two classes, meaning I can see his class through the multiple mirrors on the side wall if I want to, and he can see mine the same way. I try to not pay too much attention to his class, since I do karate also for me and I want to be the example of what to do, and practicing is what I want him to do, not stare at is dad.

Anyway, I caught glimpes of what they'd been working on today and it was about the same we'd been working on on our side, self-defense techniques. Comes the end of both our classes. On our side of the wall, after meditation, our teacher went through some general comments on what we worked on and how we should gear our practicing in the future, all the while I'm hearing my son's teacher talking and he doesn't look happy. I'm hearing stuff like "some of you didn't pay attention", "some other were just not working well at all", "I was disappointed with some of you"... At that point, I have no direct line of view to where my son is sitting, but you know what goes through my mind: "there we go again, Andrew's been fooling around more than practicing" all that based on his past in either the schoolroom, or in some karate practices, where he's been known to fool around and not always practice when asked to.

Final salute to my teacher comes, say bye to my teacher and my son comes walking my way, neither smiling, nor pouting, the kind of hard to gauge face. Walking by Stephane, Andrew's teacher, I simply something like : "so tough class today, how was Andrew?" and his answer is what made daddy proud... "Oh Andrew practiced real well today, he really wasn't one of the bad ones"

Needless to say, I was glowing :) I congratulated Andrew on his good karate work ethics and told him that he couldn't have made me prouder than by simply doing what he's supposed to do, that I didn't need anything superspecial from him. I kind of got the feeling he was happy I made him the remark, but he really glowed too when we got home and I told the story to my wife, his mom. He looked so proud to have been mentioned as a good worker, was nice to see :)

That is all for today.

FM

[Radii]

My first thought is that since these were 'accidents' he doesn't feel a need to say he is sorry. If he intentionally got syrup on the carpet, I'm guessing an "I'm sorry" would follow. Since he didn't intend to leave the car door open, and since no harm was done, he probably doesn't think there is a need for an "I'm sorry."

In many of those types of cases an outright apology isn't really expected. An "oops" or anything at all acknowledging the fact that something wasn't the way it should be would be perfectly fine with me. It's one of those things when, no matter how brief the comment/lecture/lesson may be, he just gives you a dull stare that seems to imply that he just wants you to shut up so he can go play.

The ones that come to my mind are times when he has left something of mine or oliegirl's downstairs where the dog can(and inevitably does) eat it. He'll act like he's mad at us for having him pick up the mess, and certainly shows no remorse for allowing something that wasn't his to get destroyed(another constant battle, if it's not his, it's pretty much worthless, course that's one of the ones where I certainly remember being that way as a kid so it's easier for me to deal with).

[WSUCougar]

Soccer went very well. Drew did what the coach asked almost the whole time...he still needs to work on his scrimmage skills (i.e., actually trying to kick the ball would be nice, heh), but definitely his best practice.

We topped that off with a local train show, and he had a great Saturday.

[sachmo71]

I'm at home today with my son, who is sick. :(
He's such a sweet kid, even in the midst of the "terrible twos".
He says "No!" a lot, and sometimes hits, but he's quick to say he's sorry, so it's not that bad. He's learning.

My concern with him is that he's going to be a sensative guy. I live that...it's sort of a double edged sword. Hopefully I can teach him a few things about how to deal with it, but unfortunately, he's going to have to learn a lot of things on his own.

I feel for him...I really do. It's not all bad, but his school years are going to be interesting. :)

[WSUCougar]

My concern with him is that he's going to be a sensative guy. I live that...it's sort of a double edged sword. Hopefully I can teach him a few things about how to deal with it, but unfortunately, he's going to have to learn a lot of things on his own.
Me too. On all counts.

[WSUCougar]

Have any of you seen the penguin claymation show "Pingu" on PBS Kids Sprout?

Good god, is it hilarious. It might wear off eventually, but as of now it is laugh-out-loud funny to me (and my wife) virtually every time I see it.

Oh, and Drew likes it, too. ;)

[sachmo71]

Have any of you seen the penguin claymation show "Pingu" on PBS Kids Sprout?

Good god, is it hilarious. It might wear off eventually, but as of now it is laugh-out-loud funny to me (and my wife) virtually every time I see it.

Oh, and Drew likes it, too. ;)


no, but i'll watch for it. what time does it usually run?

[FrogMan]

no, but i'll watch for it. what time does it usually run?
same here, I'll keep an eye for it.

Speaking of TV shows, Matty is only getting interested in TV and he's absolutely hooked on a Quebec made kiddie show called "Caillou". Andrew had many tapes of it and we pulled one out over the weekend and Matty just stayed there, mesmerized by the TV screen :)

While we've got mostly tapes of it in French, I know they made an English version of it and that PBS was showing it. I recommend it for kiddos ages 18 months up to maybe 4. Caillou is a little boy and the show tells stories of his everyday life.

Just found the pbs page for the show:
http://pbskids.org/caillou/

FM

[ibnsgirl]

Not that Lucy is anywhere near old enough, but it's too bad we don't get PBS. I have fond memories of Sesame Street... At least we have Baby Einstein on dvd.

And penguins are funny period. I'll try to catch Pingu next time we are in the big city.

[WSUCougar]

what time does it usually run?
It's on as a short "tweener" throughout the day. The new Sprout format makes shows harder to track.

And Drew really enjoys the English version of Caillou, FrogMan.

[PilotMan]

And Drew really enjoys the English version of Caillou, FrogMan.
As does Zachary. He says, "it's about a little boy who is just like me." You should check our pbskids.org, and see the games that are there for little ones based on the tv shows.

[PilotMan]

I don't know which post this is in regard to, but it reminded me of something that is driving me crazy, so I'll post about it:

Anthony has recently started a very annoying habit. When he does something wrong and one of us says "Anthony, why did you do that", or "Anthony, be careful", or "Anthony, pay more attention to what you are doing"...his response is to look at whoever is talking to him with this stupid expression - kind of like to say "I know you are speaking English, but I have no idea what you just said to me". He stands like this, not saying anything or doing anything, until one of us tells him what to do. Case in point...

He had a plastic glass on a coaster, and when he picked it up, the coaster was attached to the glass - I told him "Anthony, watch what you are doing" but he stood there and just looked at me until the coaster fell off the cup and onto his dinner plate which was covered in syrup (waffles for dinner every once in a while). Then I said "Anthony, please pay more attention to what you are doing", at which point he balanced the plate on one hand while trying to pick the coaster out of the syrup...which is when I said "No, just leave it and put it in the sink to be washed"...but it was too late and the coaster slipped out of his hand and landed on the carpet. I figured he would be smart enough to know to put the plate down, pick up the coaster, and then bring everything into the kitchen to be washed. But he just stood there. So I said, "Pick up the coaster"...he picked it up and stood there. So I said "Put everything in the sink", but he just stared at me...which is when I lost it and yelled for radii to come handle the situation. Once everything was in the sink and the carpet was wiped up, I figured I'd get an "I'm sorry" - but nothing, he just continued to stand there like a bump on a log. Which made me angrier. So I looked at Richard and said "All that, and we still haven't even heard I am sorry"...Anthony says "I'm sorry" and then we go through the speech about how if you have to ask for an apology, it doesn't really mean much and if you do something wrong, just apologize for it and then fix it.

Fast forward to yesterday - we get over to my dad's house to hang out awhile before karate. After about 2 hours, we head out and I see that his car door is open...I say "Why is your door open"...he looks at the door and says "I dont' know". I say "Well, did you close it"...he says "I guess not". So I take some deep breaths, get in and start the car...as we are backing out of the driveway I say "Hmm, still no I'm Sorry". He says "I'm sorry" but clearly doesn't mean it, and I have to go through the whole speech again.

I never thought saying I'm sorry was a difficult thing. We have told him millions of times that just saying it means alot to the other person, and that it's a good thing to say when you have done something wrong or messed up - even if it's just something small. Any ideas of how to get this through his thick skull????
I was reading this and I think that he is just being a boy. Cole has done and still does things similar. It is a brutal phase as parents. I have come to the point that boys go through this phase where, things like this and FM's lying are where the boys are trying to figure out how the "world" works. They havn't developed logic, and are therefore incapable of acting on it. I have a funny feeling that it is also how teenage boys get into trouble as they get a little older too. For instance, why did I jump my VW Bug over some RR tracks and make it pretend like it was the "Dukes of Hazzard?" I would never do this now, nor did I even comprehend how much damage I could have done to the car or myself, or my 2 passengers. Crazy, but it all boils down to logic. Boys will try the most rediculous things because they are learning. I have hammered Cole so many times, and caught him in so many lies, and he knew that I already knew the truth. Still he just didn't want to admit what he did, or lied to see if it would work to get him out of trouble. As a parent it is like banging your head on a brick wall. Basically, I don't think that there is anything wrong with either of them. I would say they are both totally normal.

[Radii]

For instance, why did I jump my VW Bug over some RR tracks and make it pretend like it was the "Dukes of Hazzard?"

Because the Dukes of Hazzard was freaking awesome!!! I see no problem with this.

I would say they are both totally normal.

I agree here. With Oliegirl's and my son, we see that he is so incredibly smart and picks up on things at all different levels so quickly, so when he gets stuck on something and goes through a phase, normal or not, where he just can't progress to the next level of thinking over a long period of time, it is frustrating. But I don't doubt at all that its normal.

[PilotMan]

Funny story from yesterday. It was naptime at our house and I was dozing at the computer, when my 3 yr old, Zachary, runs in screaming what sounds like, "Dos birds are eating mama's tomatoes!" Shaken awake, I think "birds?" I go take a look and birds becomes boys. We have some tomato plants next to a fence that we have been having a problem with neighborhood boys picking them and either eating them or throwing them into our yard. It is pretty late in the season, so I wasn't overly worried about it, but I did talk to them. Anyway, Mrs. PilotMan was being informed of what took place by Zach and he told her that he yelled at them (from his second floor window), and used the magic words. My wife said, "You said, please?" He replied, "No. I said 'GET OUT OF MOMS GARDEN!'" My wife and I both cracked up. I love this age.

[FrogMan]

Funny story from yesterday. It was naptime at our house and I was dozing at the computer, when my 3 yr old, Zachary, runs in screaming what sounds like, "Dos birds are eating mama's tomatoes!" Shaken awake, I think "birds?" I go take a look and birds becomes boys. We have some tomato plants next to a fence that we have been having a problem with neighborhood boys picking them and either eating them or throwing them into our yard. It is pretty late in the season, so I wasn't overly worried about it, but I did talk to them. Anyway, Mrs. PilotMan was being informed of what took place by Zach and he told her that he yelled at them (from his second floor window), and used the magic words. My wife said, "You said, please?" He replied, "No. I said 'GET OUT OF MOMS GARDEN!'" My wife and I both cracked up. I love this age.
LOL! :D

FM

[MacroGuru]

Hows this....

So, I hate facial hair, but I have been attempting to grow a goatte (I say attempt because I look really awful with it, and honestly, facial hair growth isn't in me right now) for my Halloween Costume of being a pirate.

So the baby, Nicholas, has just tortured my poor wife yesterday, so when I get home, I go and take him from her. He starts wailing and gives me the who the hell are you look. I try to fight past it, thinking he was just upset I took him from her. He keeps it up, and I am just getting frustrated, and the wife says "I don't think he likes the facial hair" I laugh it off as nonsense....but he cries and does not want anything to do with me.

Well, I go upstairs and shave........guess who is daddy's little guy again...He just didn't want the weird looking stranger holding him....

[sachmo71]

Hows this....

So, I hate facial hair, but I have been attempting to grow a goatte (I say attempt because I look really awful with it, and honestly, facial hair growth isn't in me right now) for my Halloween Costume of being a pirate.

So the baby, Nicholas, has just tortured my poor wife yesterday, so when I get home, I go and take him from her. He starts wailing and gives me the who the hell are you look. I try to fight past it, thinking he was just upset I took him from her. He keeps it up, and I am just getting frustrated, and the wife says "I don't think he likes the facial hair" I laugh it off as nonsense....but he cries and does not want anything to do with me.

Well, I go upstairs and shave........guess who is daddy's little guy again...He just didn't want the weird looking stranger holding him....

Which is why I had to sport my goat two more years than I wanted to. :(

[WSUCougar]

Drew uncorked a serious bad dream last night around 2:00 a.m. We had a thunderstorm roll through right before bed time, and I think he took that to heart.

My wife is a lighter sleep than me, so she always hears him first. She asked me to go comfort Drew, but I was groggy and didn't respond fast enough, so she got a little annoyed with me and did it herself. All I knew was that I woke up in the middle of the night and she was a little pissed at me for some reason. ;)

No harm, no foul.

[FrogMan]

Drew uncorked a serious bad dream last night around 2:00 a.m. We had a thunderstorm roll through right before bed time, and I think he took that to heart.

My wife is a lighter sleep than me, so she always hears him first. She asked me to go comfort Drew, but I was groggy and didn't respond fast enough, so she got a little annoyed with me and did it herself. All I knew was that I woke up in the middle of the night and she was a little pissed at me for some reason. ;)

No harm, no foul.
hehe, my wife works the night shift so this means I'm all alone at night with the two kids. Last night was the first night I was able to sleep without any interruptions of some sort, I'm not really complaining, just saying. No big deals usually, but always a little thing. Matty has a nightmare and start crying/whining, then Andrew has some unexplained bellyache, but Wednesday night was the one that stood out. I was sleeping with my face to the side of the bed, it was around 3am so I was sound asleep, in a very deep sleep and never heard Andrew creep to the side of my bed. That was until I heard "daddy" in my sleep, only to open my eyes and see him facing me straight on, almost gave me a heart attack :D He simply told told me "the small blanket is all undone in my bed" but there are no real blankets, only sheets and a comforter, so I'm all groggy and sleepy, go take a look and indeed the top sheet had come undone. Took 15 seconds to get it redone and back to bed.

My wife got a big kick out of me telling the "heart attack" story :D

FM

[Butter]

Hi, I have 2 children: Ethan, a 5 1/2 year old and Alex, a 3 1/2 year old.

They both have trouble listening to me and my wife. I am at work all day, and my wife is home all day, so it doesn't show up to me as much as it does my wife. My wife also babysits, and at various times of the day can have up to 4 other children ranging from 2 to 5 in the house as well.

The biggest problem I think that my wife has is a quick fuse. She comes down on them, hard, a lot, especially my oldest. I think Ethan is basically a good kid, but she rarely praises him. I worry about his self-esteem a lot, and am not sure about how to bring this up to my wife in a gentle way, to tell her that she needs to back off of him a bit and let him grow up. I don't want him growing up thinking he is a bad child or mean. More often than not, he will share without being asked, and will do nice things like get an extra piece of candy for his brother or things like that. But he does have problems staying focused, and will sometimes just seem to lose his mind and do something like trying to rip down his curtains for no apparent reason. He loves seeing how things work, and a lot of times is trying to rip things apart to see what they look like inside, I think. But all of this seems to be lost on my wife, who comes down with a hammer on the slightest of indiscretions.

I love my wife and my children both, and am trying my best to handle this. The other day, when we were teaching Ethan his "sight words" (about 35 words on flashcards that he is learning to read by sight), he started having trouble and my wife started coming down on him as normal (WHY AREN'T YOU LOOKING AT THE CARDS? YOU KNOW THIS ONE! HOW MANY TIMES DO WE HAVE TO GO OVER THESE?) when she finally gave up and gave the cards to me. I proceeded to calmly help him through them, and he did very well, even seeming to pick up on things a bit better (like noting that you can't just look at the first letter to figure out what the words are). There are times when it seems like he's not trying with the cards, but I think you can more gently guide him through than she does, and I tried to show her that. I can only hope, through my continued actions, that I will show her how to be more patient with him. I think part of it stems from when he was a baby and had colic. He cried for 6 months straight, it seemed like. He has always been a bit fussy, and has a mouth when it comes to my wife... she loves him greatly, I know that, but has a hard time being patient with him.

All I can do is forge on, hope for the best, and try and help us all be a bit calmer.

[Butter]

By the way, WSUCougar, it ticked me off as well that they rearranged the schedule on the PBS channel. Most of all, they took off Mr. Rogers and Reading Rainbow, two of my childhood favorites that the kids pretty much will never see again now that they're not on there.

[WSUCougar]

Welcome, Butter.

Have you discussed this heart-to-heart with your wife? It sounds like she may be frustrated or uncertain how to deal with situations like that. It might also be worth talking it out if you have different viewpoints.

I have found it very hard at times to deal with differing approaches to parenting. My wife is a real softy, and her personality type is such that she usually ends up caving in to Drew rather than confront him on whatever. Not a big deal on the surface, but it has led to some arguments between us because I am more of the hard-liner when it comes to discipline and improper behavior.

[CamEdwards]

I can't believe I haven't found this thread until now.

With five kids, I have plenty to bitch about. Right now the biggest problem is with my 14-year old, who is in constant trouble at school with his grades.

After having to go to summer school because he failed math, we got his progress report last week. 2 A's, 1 B, 3 D's, 1 F.

He's not dumb. He doesn't have ADD. He's just a slob and loses his homework or forgets to write down his assignments. We've done folders for each class, we've got the agenda he's supposed to use every day. Nothing works.

I cannot tell you how frustrating it is to deal with this year in and year out. I was lazy in school, but never enough to fail.

[Butter]

Have you discussed this heart-to-heart with your wife?

We have talks every so often about parenting, and I always tell her she just needs to try and be more patient. It usually works for about 2 days, and then the kids will stick something down the heating vent or refuse to listen to her for a couple of hours and it's all out the window.

I'll keep trying though.

[FrogMan]

I can't believe I haven't found this thread until now.

you know, I almost sent you a pm a couple weeks ago to tell you about this thread. I was certain you hadn't seen it or you'd be posting in it.

Another we should possibly tell about this thread is Ksyrup :)

Don't know what to tell you about your kid though, other that I feel for you. Rough times. Good luck!

FM

[sachmo71]

I can't believe I haven't found this thread until now.

With five kids, I have plenty to bitch about. Right now the biggest problem is with my 14-year old, who is in constant trouble at school with his grades.

After having to go to summer school because he failed math, we got his progress report last week. 2 A's, 1 B, 3 D's, 1 F.

He's not dumb. He doesn't have ADD. He's just a slob and loses his homework or forgets to write down his assignments. We've done folders for each class, we've got the agenda he's supposed to use every day. Nothing works.

I cannot tell you how frustrating it is to deal with this year in and year out. I was lazy in school, but never enough to fail.


As someone who was allowed to fail, all I can say is that I wish now that someone had jumped my ass when i was his age. Losing rights is a good place to start, I think.

[CamEdwards]

As someone who was allowed to fail, all I can say is that I wish now that someone had jumped my ass when i was his age. Losing rights is a good place to start, I think.

Believe me, we've tried taking away rights. We've tried rewards. I'm now to the point that I've told him "there is nothing more I can do. You know what you have to do and if you don't, you'll fail."

Part of the problem is my wife is too easy on him, in my opinion. My wife's brother was apparently spookily similar to my son in terms of their personality. My wife's brother killed himself when he was 19. I think my wife is afraid of being tough on my son because she fears he'll become depressed and possibly do something drastic.

I've seen no signs of depression or anything like that, btw. I just see a lazy teenager.

[Barkeep49]

Cam just to back you up: If a kid keeps failing is that going to make him more or less depressed? Having a son with trouble in school is no easy thing and I wish you the best as you do your best to try and help him back on to the path.

[ibnsgirl]

Hi y'all!

Don't know what to say, Butter, but I know that I can be like your wife to some degree. Mind you, I have a 16 week old, so my expectations are pretty low as to what all she can do ;)
Nevertheless, my nights are kinda chopped-up what with feeding Lucy and everything, and sometimes I am just so blamed tired that I can hardly see straight. When I get to that point, my patience gets really short. Additionaly, when I get frustrated, same thing happens.

I'm still in the learning phase on so much of this that I get confused/frustrated/lose my perspective pretty easily. For example, Lucy and I are starting to do better at night when it is time for her to go to sleep, but it can be trying. Some things I was reading were saying that she just needed to cry it out, some that I needed to comfort her but without her sucking on something, and then some that whatever worked, including sucking, was ok. Of course, the first two methods said that if I didn't do it that way, she was destined straight for the therapist's office. Long story short, Tony has to remind me that basically I know what is right for our daughter, even if it is not necessarily mainstream (think slightly granola). The point here is that Tony often has intervene for me to redirect myself and calm down.

I doubt that anything here is helpful since I'm probably not telling you anything you don't already know, but at the very least I empathize. I don't like being around me when my patience is stressed. Keep doing what you are doing as far as setting a good example and trying to keep tensions down and by keeping the lines of communication open with your wife.

[WSUCougar]

I doubt that anything here is helpful since I'm probably not telling you anything you don't already know, but at the very least I empathize. I don't like being around me when my patience is stressed. Keep doing what you are doing as far as setting a good example and trying to keep tensions down and by keeping the lines of communication open with your wife.
Right on! I don't much like the "impatient me" either.

Couple things when parenting, particularly an infant (again, probably stating the obvious, but just to reinforce):

1. Allow yourself to get frustrated. You are human. Don't beat yourself up over feeling overwhelmed at times. You are probably low on sleep and are constantly getting tested in a unique way because there is virtually no interaction. It's all "baby does X, so I have to cope with it." Sometimes my wife and I look back and think that nature tests your limits as a parent intentionally...it's like a rite of passage. You get more closely bonded through this trial by fire.

2. When possible, get some separation if you are stressed. Arrange some down time for each other. If you can work it, have one parent do the whole "night shift" so the other can get some uninterrupted sleep, then switch roles.

[ibnsgirl]

Hows this....

So, I hate facial hair, but I have been attempting to grow a goatte (I say attempt because I look really awful with it, and honestly, facial hair growth isn't in me right now) for my Halloween Costume of being a pirate.

So the baby, Nicholas, has just tortured my poor wife yesterday, so when I get home, I go and take him from her. He starts wailing and gives me the who the hell are you look. I try to fight past it, thinking he was just upset I took him from her. He keeps it up, and I am just getting frustrated, and the wife says "I don't think he likes the facial hair" I laugh it off as nonsense....but he cries and does not want anything to do with me.

Well, I go upstairs and shave........guess who is daddy's little guy again...He just didn't want the weird looking stranger holding him....
I forgot to say something about this, Dennis...

If you think the sense of smell isn't important, Lucy hates it when I shower. Several weeks ago I showered while Tony held Lucy. After I was all finished, I picked her up and she started wailing. The more I talked to her, in fact, the louder she screamed. It finally dawned on me to put on the shirt I had been wearing earlier, and viola, she settled right down. Her reaction it turns out, was pretty much: "YOU ARE NOT MY MOM AND YOU ARE NOT FOOLING ME BY USING HER VOICE!!" Dang, didn't think I smelled that bad...

Not to worry, she isn't getting her way on this one ;). No way that I'm about to quit showering for her. She is getting better, though; now only fusses for a while. :)

[Galaxy]

I can't believe I haven't found this thread until now.

With five kids, I have plenty to bitch about. Right now the biggest problem is with my 14-year old, who is in constant trouble at school with his grades.

After having to go to summer school because he failed math, we got his progress report last week. 2 A's, 1 B, 3 D's, 1 F.

He's not dumb. He doesn't have ADD. He's just a slob and loses his homework or forgets to write down his assignments. We've done folders for each class, we've got the agenda he's supposed to use every day. Nothing works.

I cannot tell you how frustrating it is to deal with this year in and year out. I was lazy in school, but never enough to fail.

Sounds like me at that age, though my D's were usually C's, and maybe B's. I was a slob, lost my homework or forgot my assignments. It wasn't until I was junior I started to pull my grades up, got into a solid four-year university, and should pull my overall GPA to at least a 3.0 after this semester (will be a senior after this one).

[illinifan999]

I can't believe I haven't found this thread until now.

With five kids, I have plenty to bitch about. Right now the biggest problem is with my 14-year old, who is in constant trouble at school with his grades.

After having to go to summer school because he failed math, we got his progress report last week. 2 A's, 1 B, 3 D's, 1 F.

He's not dumb. He doesn't have ADD. He's just a slob and loses his homework or forgets to write down his assignments. We've done folders for each class, we've got the agenda he's supposed to use every day. Nothing works.

I cannot tell you how frustrating it is to deal with this year in and year out. I was lazy in school, but never enough to fail.
When he nears 15/16, just tell him if his grades aren't up, he isn't driving. Something will click when it sets in.

[Qwikshot]

Funny story from yesterday. It was naptime at our house and I was dozing at the computer, when my 3 yr old, Zachary, runs in screaming what sounds like, "Dos birds are eating mama's tomatoes!" Shaken awake, I think "birds?" I go take a look and birds becomes boys. We have some tomato plants next to a fence that we have been having a problem with neighborhood boys picking them and either eating them or throwing them into our yard. It is pretty late in the season, so I wasn't overly worried about it, but I did talk to them. Anyway, Mrs. PilotMan was being informed of what took place by Zach and he told her that he yelled at them (from his second floor window), and used the magic words. My wife said, "You said, please?" He replied, "No. I said 'GET OUT OF MOMS GARDEN!'" My wife and I both cracked up. I love this age.

I have a story like that...Zia stays with my mom and dad sometimes. We have a neighbor that fails to curb her dog. So we get droppings in the line of lawn next to the sidewalk. My mom must've been complaining because the woman was walking by with her dog. So my mom and Zia are cleaning the house, when my mom notices it is suddenly quiet (this is a warning sign for most parents). She notices Zia is not in the house, and running around frantically she notices that Zia is outside on the stoop, yelling at the woman to clean up after her dog. Children never pull any punches, even at 3 (though Zia is now four soon to be five). Of course, I lectured my mom on letting her wander off.

Zia is here now, we're spending our last weekend together before I take flight. I can feel that she's excited but apprehensive of my trip. Friday and Saturday were rainy and miserable and I can tell she has a slight cold (those triametic menthol patches work wonders). I get a little angry because my ex was there when I went to pick up Zia, and Zia was in clothes while new, were coated with the aroma of cigarettes and pipesmoke. It's raining and I have a raincoat and umbrella for her, my ex hands her fake fur vest for a coat. Then she rushes off to her car, (she does give Zia a big hug goodbye) but realizes she can't leave for work yet (she forgot her cigarettes).

This trip to Australia should be a catharsis for me. If it is everything I imagined, I will be at a crossroads. I gave up on this dream almost five years ago to date my ex and raise Zia, and it's coming up so fast. I don't know what will happen if I enjoy it, feel I could settle down there, it was one thing when I was alone, but for Zia's sake, I don't know if I can ever live there. It is the great divide between the dream of Australia and the dream of being a parent.

I guess that depresses me the most. I had often dreamed of being a young father (not that 30 is old) but I know that settling down is going to be harder for me as the years progress. My parents were young when they married and had my me and my brother, and I guess I wanted to go through that process. I enjoy being a parent, it is really the only thing I have going for me, is having a wonderful child.

I was reading an article in Men's Health about a guy who married his wife when she had a 3 year old daughter. The dealings of a child that has already bonded to her father, and how the new guy is trying to adjust to being a parent. Now Zia knows me as daddy, and I know she calls Craig "daddy", though she usually differentiates between us as me as "my real daddy". I only wish that Craig would be that compassionate, but I fear that while he does care for Zia, that it is not at the same level. I rarely talk to Craig, but I'm never distance (he's usually who is waiting when I have to pick up Zia).

I can still remember the first time he came to pick Zia up (alone). That did not go terribly well, Zia kept making excuses not to leave, even as I strapped her in the car seat and kissed her goodbye. To hearing her cry and scream as he pulled away, you can really doubt God in a situation like that, or if you aren't religious, doubt life. It rattles you, Zia still hates leaving (sometimes), but more of hiding, or delaying, but there are times when she is genuinely happy to see her mom (we switched work hours now, so my ex picks Zia up on Sunday nights now). Those are the times I am relieved, but it is still heartbreaking, I generally am listless for an hour or two afterwards.

My ex got a new job, and I hope, /hope/ that she will finally set an appointment with the doctor. Zia hasn't been there for a checkup since she was 2. She has yet to visit the dentist. My ex never talks about Zia's future, or escapades when we meet, my ex talks about her life. I kept things civil and I only bring my own life into perspective if it will be a conflict in taking care of Zia (i.e. Australia). My ex naturally has to try to compete, not long after I cemented Australia, she told me that she and Craig were planning a trip to Mexico in the spring. There are other things she talks about too (without getting too crazy) which I deem as inappropriate to discuss with your ex, but never about plans about Zia going to preschool (it's too expensive she says) or even kindergarten. These are issues that are I guess non-issues.

I had asked to raise Zia, to become completely responsible. My ex said she would refuse to give up rights, and that while I could raise her "...Craig and I will take her back in a few years..." I just get a pained expression, I have a decent job with good benefits, a strong central family, a wonderful home (courtesy of my brother), in a good neighborhood and good schools. I'm on dayshift now, and I have the cash to not only put Zia in preschool (at the expense of my own pursuits) but also start saving long term for college. I want to see her in dance class, playing a sport, eating right. I want a good social network for her. I want her to know she is loved. I would never prevent Zia from seeing her mom and Craig, and I find that in this scenario, everyone wins. My ex can be the fun mom with little or no responsibilty, her husband will be financially free of obligation, Zia will get the upbringing she deserves, I get piece of mind.

Sadly, I doubt this will ever occur, but I can dream. I guess like Australia, there is a crossroad here as well. I fear that Zia will lag behind soon, even as I impress upon her reading, 911, addresses and phone numbers. Every other weekend is such a small window. She calls me everyday, and I treasure that, because I fear that one day, the calls will stop, as she gets older, she will finally get those opportunities (because the law will say she has to go to school)...and one day I will have to replace this scenario with the hope that she will turn out right, she will continue to be strong and resilent, she will continue to be joyful and bright. Every morning we awake, she's excited, she gives me a good morning hug and kiss, something I did to her when she was too. I used to work 2nd shift, and sleep a few hours after 12, and be up by 6 or 7 to care for Zia (my ex would be off to school; then work -- my mom would watch Zia while I would go to work, then my ex would pick her up after work -- rinse repeat -- when we broke up I actually started getting her after work for a while as well).

I guess I needed to vent, because she's getting older. When I picked her up Friday, I scooped her with one arm and Zia giggled and told my ex ,"Daddy is so strong" And my ex, agreed, not often she compliments me, or agrees with it...but I'll take it.

My friends say I'm a saint, or I'm tough. They say they could never do what I do but I think anyone would. I saw Zia born and I vowed to never leave her. Even when things got bad, really bad, I never threw her mom out, because of what would happen to Zia. Even today, there are times, when I feel like I'm losing out, or losing touch, but Zia somehow always does something to cast these away.

For that I'm grateful...we just finished carving the pumpkin (this will be the first Halloween where I don't take her out). A coworker said, just keep doing things that she'll remember. I think I do them, so I will cherish them too.

[WSUCougar]

Qwik, for what it's worth, I think your devotion to Zia is extraordinary and inspiring. If every kid could have a parent as devoted to loving and raising them as you, the world would be a much better place.

[PilotMan]

Wow Quick, that situation is so hard. I totally know how connected you get to kids. Life changes as soon as you have one, or in your situation are everything but...

Your relationship with her is extraordinary. Coug is right, every kid should have a parent a devoted and dedicated. FWIW, have you considered actually going through the process of formal adoption for her? That would at least give you some legal right to seeing her, although it would also mean that you would be financially responsible for her until she was of age as well. In your situation it is a step that I wouldn't normally ask about, as you are already separeated from her mom, but it seems that you are so connected to her that your life might be better off if you had something that you could hold on to. Of course, it would throw your thoughts of moving to AUS right out the window.

You really have no legal standing here. If you left her (for AUS) and you didn't see her for years, would she feel like you abandoned her? Would she hold it against you? You may not have any legal stand, but you have put youself into a situation where she now expects you to be the dad. Forever, and any change in that situation may have long lasting effects. It is just something to consider.

Let me know if I can help you, or if you just need someone to talk with.

PM

[Qwikshot]

Wow Quick, that situation is so hard. I totally know how connected you get to kids. Life changes as soon as you have one, or in your situation are everything but...

Your relationship with her is extraordinary. Coug is right, every kid should have a parent a devoted and dedicated. FWIW, have you considered actually going through the process of formal adoption for her? That would at least give you some legal right to seeing her, although it would also mean that you would be financially responsible for her until she was of age as well. In your situation it is a step that I wouldn't normally ask about, as you are already separeated from her mom, but it seems that you are so connected to her that your life might be better off if you had something that you could hold on to. Of course, it would throw your thoughts of moving to AUS right out the window.

You really have no legal standing here. If you left her (for AUS) and you didn't see her for years, would she feel like you abandoned her? Would she hold it against you? You may not have any legal stand, but you have put youself into a situation where she now expects you to be the dad. Forever, and any change in that situation may have long lasting effects. It is just something to consider.

Let me know if I can help you, or if you just need someone to talk with.

PM


I appreciate the comments.

I take it day to day, for what it's worth.

My feeling is this, I would be on a plane, just getting close to landing in L.A. this time next week. With about an hour in a half on the ground before an 11 hour flight to Brisbane.

I am going to for these next two weeks, forget about my obligations, and figure out if being 15k miles from everyone I know and interact with, will truly be a good idea. I plan on getting a few gifts for friends, a postcard to send to Zia, but I'm going in, avoiding the sadness that sometimes envelopes me here. These next two weeks are something I've wanted for years, and I'm seriously committed to the idea of using that time to find substance that I can root down, or if it's just a wonderful place meant to visit.

Adoption wouldn't be objected by my ex. However, I doubt if the state would find it acceptable (talk about making things more complicated). I have contemplated this, but my ex's lifestyle leads me to concern what child support would really go to. So while I live on a precarious precipice, I do so at my own power, once I invite the government in, I can't bar them until Zia is 18. My ex is just flighty and I'm sure from her past upbring (father was a womanizer, drug user, alcoholic, her mother was quiet and submissive, later when my ex was 8 months pregnant, her mom left to pursue a new relationship in Texas. Since her divorce, her mom has stated if it doesn't work, leave it, which my ex embraced). Long as I participate, I get visitation, I doubt my ex would care if I said I didn't want to Zia anymore (not that I would).

Zia gets full attention when we are together...I'm like a hawk. I think Zia misses that when she's with my ex and her husband, because of course, there is a competition for affection. Zia has a hard time dealing with showing affection to more than one person, if there is more than one in the room, Zia will stay with one. I trump my parents, my mom trumps my dad, my brother gets trumped by everyone but today, she genuinely showed affection and attention to both my parents, and when we got home, she rushed to greet my brother, so perhaps she is understanding she can love more than one person at a time...however, when my ex showed at the door, Zia was not happy, and rushed to the tent to hide, it was somewhat playful but somewhat apprehenisve. She was excited when my ex (though somewhat pushed upon) and I agreed that I would watch her Friday night.

Zia knows I'm coming back. I have calmed her fears that I would stay there. My dad joked about it, and Zia in a very serious tone said "daddy is going to visit, to check it out, then he's coming right back." Would she feel abandoned, I think at this age, yes. But Zia is close to kindergarten, and I'm hoping that with the introduction of school, Zia will become more involved in activities. It's only a matter of time before she learns how to type (with the help of Mommy and Craig) emails, webcams, phonecalls can breach the distance, and the fact that my family lives in the area (and is still utilized by my ex to help watch Zia), I feel there will still be a bond. Zia has said if I go to Australia she wants to come, when I asked what she would do on a plane ride that long, she said matter-of-factly "SLEEP!" My ex even said (when I was interviewing for a Hawaii sales job) that they would visit during the summer (granted it would possibly doubtful) but I don't think it would be a far cry if I plane a few trips back East to coincide with say Summer vacation with my parents down the beach, or mid-January when Zia has her birthday.

I bristle though when I'm called father, my ex said it today, and I just don't like it...I actually correct Zia (gently, never do I say don't call me that), and tell her I'm daddy. Zia has a father, and while he is out of the picture, it is his genes that make part of Zia. I think ultimately, that will be the hardest realization for Zia, that I am something else. It is my hope that she is not saddened by it, that it doesn't turn me into a stranger, I have never outright stated anything about Zia's birth father, but I do sometimes elucidate differences...case in point, Zia's mom is from the British Isles, while I'm Italian. I state the differences, and while I say to Zia that she's from an Irish background, I never say she has Italian relatives. Zia has also inquired as to why I was living in Lansdale, when she and Mommy were up in Hershey. While she has nothing to resemble me in looks, she's got my inquisitiveness and my personality (some of it anyway--she can be a wild child too, much like her mother).

I guess, from all of that, you can see I'm dedicated, as long as Zia would understand, I don't think she would see it as abandonment. My hope is that a few years from now, Zia will be older and more capable of understanding. Plus it's not like my ex is single, she's married, and the possibility of a little brother or sister is probably not far away, Zia may have a stable family unit (I hope)...she'll always have her daddy too.

[CamEdwards]

Thought you'd get a kick out of this.

Saturday night the community center near my house hosted a haunted house. Andrew, my five year old, desperately wanted to go. I knew he was too young, but thought I'd let him find out for himself.

So we went, waited in line (in the rain) for 45 minutes, and finally walked inside. I told him "nothing in here is real, it's just people dressed up to scare you, okay?" He nodded his head.

We walk into the first room. It's thick with fog, and you can barely see a casket in the middle of the room. We're standing there, I'm holding his hand, and the casket starts to rock. Andrew immediately says "I want to go!" I pick him up and tell him it's not real, but that I'll hold him and if he wants to go we can. After a minute, the casket opens up, but Andrew can't see it because his head is buried in my shoulder. The ghoul walks around, then climbs back into the casket.

We go into the next room, and Andrew wants to get down. As soon as his feet touch the floor, a guy in a sheet walks up towards him. Andrew climbs me like I'm a ladder, perching on my shoulder and yells "Let's get out of here!" So we left.

Time spent in line: 45 minutes. Time spent in the haunted house: 3 minutes.

The kicker is, after we left he immediately started bugging me to go rent a scary movie for him.

[WSUCougar]

Funny story, Cam.

My son (who turns 4 in two weeks) has been watching some Scooby Doo lately. Some of it scares him, and he asks a lot of questions about the creatures involved in the mysteries. One plot a couple weeks ago involved a giant, squid-like blob with one eye, tentacles, and a loud slobbering roar. It caused Drew some consternation. ;)

Anyway, that was like 10 or 15 days ago, but last night as we are putting him to bed, he asks out of nowhere: "Mommy...why does the [Drew's version of the loud slobbering roar noise] only have one eye?" We both laughed.

[FrogMan]

I went with my 8yo to Wal-Mart this weekend to buy the candies. Was fun having my own personal candy specialist (not that I'm not one myself ;)) but it was even cooler to see him actually make decisions as to what we could and could not afford when I gave him a choice to make. Boy is he growing up...

He's going as Darth Vader this year, with the mask and the lightsaber but even better, when I found a toddler Darth Vader kit, we (him and me) couldn't resist and bought it for Matty :D

FM

[Butter]

This spring my soon-to-be 5 year old (at the time) wanted to go on Space Mountain when we were at Disney World... so we decided to let him after many attempts at trying to convince him otherwise. He was about 3 inches taller than the minimum height requirement.

So, we stood in line for about 15 minutes, and he got on... on Space Mountain, the seats are in single file, so he had to sit by himself, with me in front, and my wife in back. He did not make a single noise the entire ride. And when we got off, my wife asked him "Did you like it?"

He said "No. No, I did not like it." But he still bugged us to go on every ride, then would start crying when the seats came into view wanting to leave. So, one of us always entered a ride line, knowing we'd have to get out of line to go with him back to his grandma.

[CamEdwards]

Last night we were watching Hellboy with Andrew (the five year old). He turns to my wife and says, "Why do they call him Hellboy?"

My wife says, "Well, in the movie, he comes from a place called Hell."

Andrew: "So is Hell a state, like Virginia?"

Wife: "No, some people believe it's a place where bad people go when they die, and where devils live."

Andrew: "Do you believe in Hell?"

Wife: "No."

Andrew: "What about you, Dad?"

Me: "Yes."

Andrew thinks for a second, then turns to me and says, "I think you're right, Dad. Sorry, Mom."

Heh.

[FrogMan]

and why didn't you answer him that yes, Virginia is like Hell?

:D

FM

[Breeze]

Funny story, Cam.

My son (who turns 4 in two weeks) has been watching some Scooby Doo lately. Some of it scares him, and he asks a lot of questions about the creatures involved in the mysteries. One plot a couple weeks ago involved a giant, squid-like blob with one eye, tentacles, and a loud slobbering roar. It caused Drew some consternation. ;)

Anyway, that was like 10 or 15 days ago, but last night as we are putting him to bed, he asks out of nowhere: "Mommy...why does the [Drew's version of the loud slobbering roar noise] only have one eye?" We both laughed.


We've had the Scooby Doo too scary with the questions as well. We stopped watching it. My kids wake up early as is, I don't need them getting up a couple hours earlier because of bad dreams.

[KevinNU7]

Last night we were watching Hellboy with Andrew (the five year old). He turns to my wife and says, "Why do they call him Hellboy?"

My wife says, "Well, in the movie, he comes from a place called Hell."

Andrew: "So is Hell a state, like Virginia?"

Wife: "No, some people believe it's a place where bad people go when they die, and where devils live."

Andrew: "Do you believe in Hell?"

Wife: "No."

Andrew: "What about you, Dad?"

Me: "Yes."

Andrew thinks for a second, then turns to me and says, "I think you're right, Dad. Sorry, Mom."

Heh.
I hope this convo was typed up, printed out, and framed :)

[sachmo71]

Conversation w/ my daughter as she went potty this morning...

syd: I'm a grown up!

me: Not yet.

syd: I'm a grown up!

me: You're a big girl, but not a grown up.

syd: (STARE)

me: When you are a grown up, you have to get a job.

me: You can't take naps anymore.

me: You have to eat your vegtables.

syd: I'm a girl.

me: That's right darlin. Nice and slow.


:)

[Godzilla Blitz]

Conversation w/ my daughter as she went potty this morning...

syd: I'm a grown up!

me: Not yet.

syd: I'm a grown up!

me: You're a big girl, but not a grown up.

syd: (STARE)

me: When you are a grown up, you have to get a job.

me: You can't take naps anymore.

me: You have to eat your vegtables.

syd: I'm a girl.

me: That's right darlin. Nice and slow.


:)
Gold!

I nominate Sachmo for FOFC Parent of the Week.

[ibnsgirl]

Last night we were watching Hellboy with Andrew (the five year old). He turns to my wife and says, "Why do they call him Hellboy?"

My wife says, "Well, in the movie, he comes from a place called Hell."

Andrew: "So is Hell a state, like Virginia?"

Wife: "No, some people believe it's a place where bad people go when they die, and where devils live."

Andrew: "Do you believe in Hell?"

Wife: "No."

Andrew: "What about you, Dad?"

Me: "Yes."

Andrew thinks for a second, then turns to me and says, "I think you're right, Dad. Sorry, Mom."

Heh.

That is absolutely classic. :)

[WSUCougar]

Drew dropped one on my wife last night at dinner. For weeks he's gone on and on about wanting to be a black cat for Halloween. So we got him the whole get-up, and have been making a big deal out of it to fuel his excitement. But last night he says, "I don't want to be a black cat, I want to be Scooby Doo." It was just like a commercial. You should have seen my wife's face. tee-hee

Tonight is our town's Halloween "walk around" for kids. Basically, a survival of the fittest candy-fest through the downtown streets and shops. Wish us luck.

[sachmo71]

Drew dropped one on my wife last night at dinner. For weeks he's gone on and on about wanting to be a black cat for Halloween. So we got him the whole get-up, and have been making a big deal out of it to fuel his excitement. But last night he says, "I don't want to be a black cat, I want to be Scooby Doo." It was just like a commercial. You should have seen my wife's face. tee-hee

Tonight is our town's Halloween "walk around" for kids. Basically, a survival of the fittest candy-fest through the downtown streets and shops. Wish us luck.


At least you get to take your tribute. It's good to be the king.

[PilotMan]

A couple of nights ago, when I was away, Zachary went into the nursury to grab some of his cars and trains that his little brother had secreted in there. He somehow pushed the dresser over from its pedestal and it landed against the door, effectively locking him in there. My wife couldn't get in, and he couldn't get out. He was quite upset and cried because he didn't know what to do.

Eventually, they made a space wide enough for Cole (10), to slide through, and he moved the dresser enough to get my wife in to get him.

Just one of those funny kid stories.

[WSUCougar]

Tonight is our town's Halloween "walk around" for kids. Basically, a survival of the fittest candy-fest through the downtown streets and shops. Wish us luck.
After action report:

1. Drew looked great as a black cat. Cute as could be. The only "costume malfunction" was him constantly holding his tail. Oh, and...

2. Only major boo hoo was when he dropped his box of "Nerds" (candy) and they spilled all over the place. Messed up his cat nose/whisker face paint a bit.

3. We screwed up on the times. Treak or treating ended at 7:00 p.m., but with work and dinner we didn't get out there until just prior to that time. So Drew didn't rake in much candy.

4. Hay rides were going on throughout the downtown area, but the people must have been nailed down or something, because they never seemed to get off and let other people on. This was a major bummer for the kids, and a source of ongoing whining.

5. My wife stumbled over some train tracks, fell and hurt her knee, and farted in the process. Despite the minor injury, this was a major hoot.

[sachmo71]

After action report:


5. My wife stumbled over some train tracks, fell and hurt her knee, and farted in the process. Despite the minor injury, this was a major hoot.


And now the humiliation is complete. :D

[wishbone]

Just got caught up on the thread, thought I'd get in...
My wife and I have a four year old son named Jackson. He just had his first car accident. We were at a used car lot and were getting ready to take a mazda pickup for a test drive. As I was fiddling with the car seat and seat belt, Jackson bumped the shifter from Park to 1st and the pickup started rolling, it bumped into another car and cracked its bumper. I was ticked and pulled him out of the pickup, we took a walk and I talked to him for a few minutes. When we walk back, there is the salesman offering a balloon to Jackson. I say no and Jackson starts crying.

I'm still steamed about it but Jackson doesn't really understand what happened, muchless how to prevent it in the future.

[Buzzbee]

Oh the days of black cats, butterflies, devils and hayrides. My wife was bummed last night. You see, at my youngest daughter's school they have a Fall Festival/Halloween carnival. Every year my wife will go up there and walk around with our kids as they play the various games to win the cheap-ass little prizes and the candy. It has really been a bonding time, as even my mother-in-law will go so that they can share the time together and the fun and laughter.

Last night my youngest told my wife that she wanted to walk around with her friends instead of hang with mommy. They grow up so fast. It'll be the first time in ten years that my wife won't have a kid to walk around with. She almost cried.

Oh, and while I'm on the subject, enjoy the times that you can tell your kids where they are going to go, what they are going to wear, when they will go and when they will come. At some point they will hit high school, you will become as important as that old Barney tape (or whatever/whoever replaced Barney these days) and rather than being the source of all that is good you will become the source of all that is evil.

Enjoy these times!!! They will not last! Oh, and take lots and lots of pictures of your kids in compromising positions. You can use them to your advantage when they hit high school.

Me: Oh yeah, well I'm going to show Kevin that picture of you on the potty!!

Her: Dad!! NOOOOOOO!!!!

ME: Okay then, get off the computer at 9 like I said. No later.

Her: Uh, Dayyyuuud! (we live in the South)

Me: Picture. Remember?

Her: Ughhhh! (storms off to computer room and types furiously to her friends about how mean I am)

[KevinNU7]

These are the times to remember, cause the will not last forever...

[PilotMan]

We are studying snails in science, and we were talking about what they eat. Cole (10) replies,

"Snails are allergy eaters."

Good to know.

Zach (3) comes down from naptime, and announces,

"I have a car in my butt."

And he really did. No real reason why though. He just did.

:D

[WSUCougar]

Zach (3) comes down from naptime, and announces,

"I have a car in my butt."

And he really did. No real reason why though. He just did.

:D
Okay now THAT was funny.

[FrogMan]

tonight was one of those magical night, went trick or treating with the kids. First was supposed to be only Andrew and then I thought "oh what the heck, let's bring Matty, we'l walk some 20 minutes and I'll stop by the house and let him back in and I'll keep going with Andrew". Well, Matty walked with us a whole hour, raking in the candies like a madman, all dressed up in his toddler Vader outfit, I almost ate him whole about a dozen times :D

FM

[WSUCougar]

Cool, FM!

Wish we could say the same. It rained literally all day and night in St. Louis, and it was miserable. My wife took Drew trick-or-treating around our cul-de-sac, but that was it. He took it well but it was still kind of a bummer.

Next up: 4th birthday party on Saturday.

[Breeze]

I had a scary moment on Saturday night/Sunday Morning. My daughter called out in the night, and I went to her room and found her wheezing and struggling to breath. She was suffering from the Croupe virus and the Strider condition (Coupe is the inflamation of the vocal cords for adults the virus becomes laryngitis, Strider is the condition that causes the difficulty breathing).

My older son had this problem years ago, and it was so bad we had to go to the emergency room, so I was familiar with what was going on. I tried treating Bailey with steam, but she was so paniced she wouldn't relax, making the condition worse. I gave her an Abutoral breathing treatment, but it was ineffective. After exhausting what I could do at home, I loaded her in the car and headed to the emergency room.

On the way I rolled down the windows because the fresh, moist air is good way to combat Strider. After being on the road for 15 minutes and forcing her to talk to me periodically to make sure she was still breathing, I heard her breathing easy up. I was able to turn around, go home and treat her again with steam in the bathroom. I felt like if I could get her to relax, I could get the condition to abate to the point she would be able to sleep through the night. But even knowing how to treat the condition, when your child is stuggling to breath it will firmly plant your heart in your throat.

My daughter is 3 and half, which is old for Strider to be a problem, typically it only affects children under 3. If you have a small child, pray you don't have to deal with this.

[WSUCougar]

But even knowing how to treat the condition, when your child is stuggling to breath it will firmly plant your heart in your throat.
Scary stuff indeed, Breeze. I can relate to some degree. Drew is asthmatic, and was hospitalized for RSV and pneumonia a couple years ago. Most frightening episode of my life.

[FrogMan]

very rough stuff Breeze. So far, knock on wood, we've been blessed with healthy kiddos. Most frightening event wasn't any of them not being able to breathe, but Andrew being unable to bear any weight on his right leg. From playing soccer on a Wednesday night to slightly limping on Friday morning, to havign a hard time walking by 4pm on Friday to simply being unable to lift his right leg on Saturday morning. He was his soccer coach back then and I couldn't remember him hurting himself while playing, so I was at a loss to explain it. I was thinking about the worst degenrative kind of crap, even flash eating bacteria. Yeah extreme, but he was our only child back at the time and you know how parents can be protective of their kiddos.

We took him to the ER, where his condition wasn't deemed to be very urgent so we spent a nice 4 hours waiting until they saw him and diagnosed him with a transient synovitis of the hip (Pos Team Pld Won Drn Lst For Ag G.D. Pts), basically something that can come and go, which it did. Saturday was his worst day, then it got better on Sunday and on Monday he was up to maybe 85% then back to normal on Tuesday. Freaky episode...

FM

[PilotMan]

Zachary (3) is still potty training, so getting him to potty when he is supposed to is a big deal. It is a nice day today, 50 degrees or so and sunny, and they little boys are out in the backyard playing. And standing there in the middle of the yard with his little white butt sticking out is Zach, watering the yard. He just likes to go in the great outdoors.

This has to be a male right of passage, don't we all just prefer to go wherever? I do. :)

[Radii]

Since Oliegirl is still having knee problems, I took Anthony out trick-or-treating Monday night. The highlight of the night was the haunted house. It was a very well done haunted house. We got in line and I asked one of the parents in charge if kids Anthony's age came by. She said "yes, but that's about as young as I'll let in." But Anthony has a good grasp on what's real and what isn't and he was determined to go, even though everyone else in the line was teenagers or older.

The house itself was really well done, the stuff they had was based off of horror movies. In their living room they had the TV set on one of the scenes from the video on The Ring, and a girl comes creeping out from behind the TV, the look was perfect. She gets to the people walking through and grabs one of them and starts shrieking. That was my favorite part b/c i love the movie, but back to Anthony. We then go outside where there are people dressed up like zombies and witches and such, but they obviously paid attention to the older kids and left Anthony alone. We turn a corner and they have a very nice, pitch black setup heading into their garage. They had people popping out from everywhere. Basically, if you were the first person in line, I don't care how old you were, you'd have been quite startled and caught off guard a number of times. But we were in the back of the line and saw it all from a distance.

We got out and Anthony said "What's the big deal, that wasn't scary." I tried to explain the perspective that the guys in the front got a lot more scared than the ones in the back. He didn't get it, but it doesn't matter, he wasn't scared at the haunted house and I think he's quite proud of himself because of it :)

Fastforward to last night, where he decided to get himself in trouble for absolutely no reason whatsoever. I'm suprised Oliegirl hasn't posted about this yet honestly :) The teacher gave the kids a pass on Monday homework b/c of Halloween, so last night he had two nights worth of homework to do. Julie asked him about his homework and he'd obviously only done Tuesday night's homework, not Monday's. When Julie asked him about it(just to remind him to get it all done), he told her that he did his homework with his grandmother the night before(he spent the night over there after trick-or-treating). Julie and her mom are real close and they talk multiple times a day, so Julie knew this was a lie. She pressed Atnhony on it and he responded 4 or 5 times with a bigger and bigger lie, enhancing the story and trying to give details about how he did his homework with her. Then when Julie said she'd call 'Grammy' to make sure he broke down and admitted that he'd lied.

She was infuriated, as was I when I got home. We have always made honesty and trust the most important focus with Anthony, and he knows that lying is a *big deal*. Grammy is upset that he used her in his story, so he's in hot water all the way around. He's in some trouble this weekend as a result, but I of course know it'll happen again, but we have to reinforce how important it is to be honest with people, and have to show him that the consequences of lying about something are always worse than what might have happened had he told the truth(in this case, nothing would have happened, he'd have spent 10 more minutes finishing his homework).

[PilotMan]

Fastforward to last night, where he decided to get himself in trouble for absolutely no reason whatsoever. I'm suprised Oliegirl hasn't posted about this yet honestly :) The teacher gave the kids a pass on Monday homework b/c of Halloween, so last night he had two nights worth of homework to do. Julie asked him about his homework and he'd obviously only done Tuesday night's homework, not Monday's. When Julie asked him about it(just to remind him to get it all done), he told her that he did his homework with his grandmother the night before(he spent the night over there after trick-or-treating). Julie and her mom are real close and they talk multiple times a day, so Julie knew this was a lie. She pressed Atnhony on it and he responded 4 or 5 times with a bigger and bigger lie, enhancing the story and trying to give details about how he did his homework with her. Then when Julie said she'd call 'Grammy' to make sure he broke down and admitted that he'd lied.

She was infuriated, as was I when I got home. We have always made honesty and trust the most important focus with Anthony, and he knows that lying is a *big deal*. Grammy is upset that he used her in his story, so he's in hot water all the way around. He's in some trouble this weekend as a result, but I of course know it'll happen again, but we have to reinforce how important it is to be honest with people, and have to show him that the consequences of lying about something are always worse than what might have happened had he told the truth(in this case, nothing would have happened, he'd have spent 10 more minutes finishing his homework).
I have so been there and done that. Cole (10) went through this (still going). The worst part is not only did he lie, but he knew that I knew the real answer, and yet, he totally refused to admit to the truth. He is quite strong willed and it took at least 2 hours of constant pressure and losing of privleges until he finally relented. There is almost nothing more frustrating as a parent then trying to get him to see that the truth is so much less painful than a lie, that you should do that first. After all that, he still doesn't get it. It is almost like "Damn you! I'll learn my own way." Oh yeah, he and I are going to have some major run ins as he hits his teenage years.

[FrogMan]

... I of course know it'll happen again, but we have to reinforce how important it is to be honest with people, and have to show him that the consequences of lying about something are always worse than what might have happened had he told the truth(in this case, nothing would have happened, he'd have spent 10 more minutes finishing his homework).
You posted something similar to that in response to my lying story of a few weeks ago, you are steady, that's good ;)

Seriously, I think it's the best way to see it, keep reinforcing to him that lying will usually bring more bad than up front telling the truth. I also try to make him understand that most lies you say will at some point come back to haunt you. Sure, there are those little white lies (Honey, do I look fat to you? NOOOOO! you're perfect :D) but it's hard for a kid from 8 to say 12 to understand the difference...

FM

[oliegirl]

You posted something similar to that in response to my lying story of a few weeks ago, you are steady, that's good ;)

Seriously, I think it's the best way to see it, keep reinforcing to him that lying will usually bring more bad than up front telling the truth. I also try to make him understand that most lies you say will at some point come back to haunt you. Sure, there are those little white lies (Honey, do I look fat to you? NOOOOO! you're perfect :D) but it's hard for a kid from 8 to say 12 to understand the difference...

FM


We are consistently working on that...however, I birth very thick skulled children and it hasn't sunk in yet.

After the Tuesday homework incident, Wed was fine, but Thursday I asked if he had homework, he said no. I told him to check his agenda book, which he did and then told me he didn't hve homework. I went to reach for the book and said "well, let me check just in case" and he tries to hide it from me...so I grab it from him and look at the day's assignment - read 30 minutes. I ask if he saw this before he told me he didn't have homework and he says yes...so I immediately ground him for the weekend and lay into him about how dumb it is to lie about stuff (the kicker is he reads himself to sleep for at least 30 minutes every night anyway so it wasn't something I was going to say "go do now"...) and how he'll always get caught and the punishment for lying is always worse than the punishment for whatever you wanted to lie about. We get through the weekend relatively unscathes, a few minor incidents regarding following instructions, but then last night radii calls him down for dinner, asks him on the way down the stairs - did you turn off the lights in your room. Anthony says yes - radii starts up the stairs and says "I want to double check", at which point Anthony freaks out and says "no, don't come up here"...radii tells him not to move, goes upstairs and sure enough the lights are on. So now he is grounded tomorrow after school (it's a half day so this is actually a big deal) and I have had about all I can take of him.

This afternoon, after he gets off the bus - he decides it would be fun to throw a girls backpack on the street...for no reason. So I guess now we are switching from lying to violence. Lucky me. As I have told radii a lot the last week, HIS child is driving me crazy!

[CamEdwards]

Oh Lord, give me strength.

Both twins are teething right now. They woke up last night at 11:30 just SCREAMING. Luckily Catherine is smart enough to fall back asleep after you settle her down. No such luck with James. The only way my wife could get him quiet was to put him in bed with us.

Unfortunately I can't sleep with a baby in bed with me. So last night was on the couch for me.

I'm keeping my fingers crossed and saying a prayer that tonight will be better.

[sachmo71]

Cam,

You are giving me nightmares. Thanks so much. I will keel you.

[JonInMiddleGA]

I probably should have put this in here instead of a main forum thread, so just in case ...
http://dynamic.gamespy.com/~fof/forums/showthread.php?t=44356

[Ksyrup]

Another we should possibly tell about this thread is Ksyrup :)

Just found it today, after reading SD's Civ dynasty. I guess the tooth fairy story would get more play in this thread than the other forum.

I'll make an "introductory post" at some point. Luckily for us, we aren't having any crises at the moment.

[FrogMan]

Just found it today, after reading SD's Civ dynasty. I guess the tooth fairy story would get more play in this thread than the other forum.

I'll make an "introductory post" at some point. Luckily for us, we aren't having any crises at the moment.
Got a notification of your reply and wondered immediately of thinking about bringing your attention to this thread :)

And we're not only talking about crises, there have been plenty of good moments too :)

FM

[PilotMan]

As some of you know, we are in tight financial straights. When I started this endeavor almost 6 years ago I had no idea that the state of the aviation industry would be like it is now. This last year, we finally started to make some progress. We had been having some successes with our budgeting and I was making enough money for us to be able to pay all the bills and live under our tight spending restrictions. A little over a month ago, the parent company of the airline that I work for went bankrupt, taking us along into bankruptcy with them. They drastically cut our flying and that has meant that the fleet is shrinking.

A backround in aviation economics goes like this. Captains make about 50% more that first officers. Six years ago, when I started in flight school the average upgrade time was about 2 years. Base pay ranges for first officers are generally between 20-40k, while captains are 55-110k. More of less money can be made depending on your work schedule.

Each aircraft needs 10 pilots to fly. So if you have 50 planes in your fleet you need to have 250 capitains, and 250 first officers. Essetially, if your company is expanding there is upward movement in the seniority list and more job secutity to boot, as there will be more pilots underneath you.

I have not upgraded, and will be starting my 4th year with the company in January. It was something that we were really banking on and the fact that it hasn't already happened has been a hard pill to swallow. We do not own a house, and our 3 boys are rapidly outgrowing out 1150sq foot 3br duplex.

The company is starting off by reducing the number of airplanes by 15. Simply read that is 150 jobs that will be eliminated from the company in the begining. At this point, I am not in danger of losing my job (I started off with about 500 pilots below me), however I can't say that it hasn't crossed my mind.

Along with that the company is ready to impose changes to our work rules, and a pay cut along the lines of 20% for the aircraft that I fly. To top that off for first officers at the 4th year and above the yearly cost of living increase is about one half of one percent. So essentially, each year is a paycut due to inflation. With no good news on the forefront, and no upgrade postition in sight it is putting a strain on our family.

We are now in the position of shrinking our budget even more for the foreseeable future. They say that the aviation businees is not for the weak hearted, and they say that you aren't really a pilot until you are furloughed (fired by still contracted to the company and available to be recalled back to work should they need more workers). I have only one shot at this career, and given the amount of money that I invested to get here(think six figures) I cannot abandon it just yet.

I am having some very difficult times thinking about how unfair this is to my family. I feel like I have let everyone down, as this was a decision that was totally mine, and now I need to live with it.

Negotiations are ongoing and nothing is set in stone yet. Good news may be ono the horizon, but not until we emerge from bankruptcy. Who knows when that will happen. Another terrorist attack, or oil prices staying at 70/barrell could spell the end of it altogether.

Please pray for us in this time of uncertainty.

[FrogMan]

PM, rough situation. I don't pray much but you and your family are in my thoughts my friend. Stay strong, do not despair, better times will come...

FM

[oliegirl]

FM - although you feel bad, I can assure that your wife and children are behind you 100% - that is what families do! One of the great things about being married and having a family is that there are ALWAYS people who believe in you and support your decisions...you guys will get through this and move on to happier and more financially secure times. Just hang in there and don't let it get you down too much :)

[FrogMan]

I was speaking of good moments and I had a sweet one with my oldest, Andrew, this last Saturday. As some of you know, he and I both practice kenpo karate. We both have three one hour classes a week and starting this Fall, our Saturdays have become almost completely dedicated to karate, with a first class (traditional) at 11:15am where we both go our way (separate rooms, him with kids, me with adults) and a second one at 2:15pm where we take the class together as it's a competition class where we learn to control the bo staff.

In that second class, I'm one of only two adults that are attending. I told the teacher, a 19yo kid, not to pay too much attention to me and that I'd simply follow along with the class with Andrew no matter if I'm learning faster (or maybe slower on some moves ;)) than the kids. Anyway, I'm tough on Andrew, especially in that second class. I will not accept that he wastes his time when the teacher shows us something and then asks us to practice on our own, and even more so, I won't accept that he wastes the time of others by goofing around, which he can do very easily.

I've come to enjoy the Saturdays lately as he is getting better, little by little, not so much with the bo itself, but more in controlling his behaviour and he's received good comments from his morning teacher. This Saturday, he showed me a maturity that I'd never seen before. We were in the locker room prior to our afternoon class and I commented to him that I was looking forward to see if Matty would ever follow our footsteps and practice karate too. Andrew told me he was certain that he would. I joked to him that he was saying that because Matty always wants to do like his older brother (which he really does ;)) and Andrew smiled and said a simple yeah. I then told him that he'd have to keep on doing karate for a few years more as Matty is not even 2 and they don't start kiddos until they're at least 4. To that, Andrew replied, in his most serious voice: "oh dad, I don't plan on stopping anytime soon. I want to get a black belt." :)

We'd never brushed the possibility of him getting a black belt before. I mean, in January, it will have been 4 years since he started practicing and he's now a blue belt with a green stripe. He still has to get his green belt, then a brown stripe on his green belt, then a brown belt, then a black stripe on his brown belt before finally being allowed to test for his black belt. So he's got time to do before he gets to the black belt and honestly, I've not seen many kids under 10 get a black belt and he's 8 and a half... Had he told me this when he had just started, say after a month or two of practicing, at the ripe age of 5, I'd have taken that with a grain of salt, like "yeah, yeah, we'll talk again in a couple years" but now, he knows what it will take him to get that black belt and he looked dead serious about it. That showed me he had matured, and it made me feel proud of my boy. :)

FWIW, I'm a green belt with a brown stripe and there are talks of a possible brown belt test coming up for me. I'd assume that with steady practice, I could probably be testing for my black belt in a year to 18 months. Maybe that's what made him realize that he could do it. I mean, he may be thinking that if daddy is somewhat close, maybe he can do it too. That thought makes it so much sweeter to the father's heart in me.

That turned out to be a long story, thanks for reading it :)

FM

[ibnsgirl]

Well, yesterday was a big day in the world of Lucy.

Tony and I took Lucy to the pediatrician for her four-month shots/well-baby check-up. She tipped the sacle at a hefty 15 lbs, 1 oz and is 25.25 inches long. :eek: These numbers put her in the 90th and 80th percentiles, respectively. It really surprised everyone when she was born just how big she was -- 8 lbs, 4 ozs, 19.5 inches -- considering that Tony and I were both significantly smaller as babies. I guess that it will all settle down later. Or she will have head specialty. ;)

Lucy did relatively well through the check-up and shots. If she is in Tony or my arms, she is a little charmer, but she is very aware and wary of strangers and isn't too wild about new situations. She cried, of course, but even after the shots, she settled down eventually. She had her revenge, though. Tony and I got our flu shots after her. And yes, she smiled when we told her that we were getting shots, too.

We also got the go-ahead for starting solids. That is going to be fun. ;) We'll have to go shopping for a high-chair/ feeding seat something and a convertible seat for the car here soon.

Tony's vacation time is coming up next week, so we'll be heading up to the folks' house for five days/four nights. It'll be interesting. At 3 outfits a day for spit-up-er and 2ish for spit-up-ee, we'll be looking at something like 354641 loads of laundry once we get back. We'll also get to hear the cat howl for the drive up and back. Other than that, I hope that the trip is not too stressful.

[CamEdwards]

Have fun on the trip! Elaine took the babies to Oklahoma in August to drop our oldest off at college. It wasn't the greatest experience she's ever had. :)

James (7 month old) had to go to the doctor's today. Pink eye and an ear infection. But he's the happy kid, so he's not complaining too much.

Our troublemaker is definitely Catherine. At 7 months, she's already crawling, standing, and now cruising.

By the way, Satch... last night the babies were okay. Slept from about 7:15 til 6:30.

[FrogMan]

quick question to everyone frequenting this thread: anybody in here read/know about the comic strip called "Baby Blues"?

I love it and just can't get enough of it. So much of it is just like us, put into comics, it's frightening... I bought one of their collection off of bookcloseouts.com last Summer and I immediately ordered 8 or 9 of the other collections they had in stock. There are something like 19 collections in the series...

FM

[ibnsgirl]

Have fun on the trip! Elaine took the babies to Oklahoma in August to drop our oldest off at college. It wasn't the greatest experience she's ever had. :)

James (7 month old) had to go to the doctor's today. Pink eye and an ear infection. But he's the happy kid, so he's not complaining too much.

Our troublemaker is definitely Catherine. At 7 months, she's already crawling, standing, and now cruising.

By the way, Satch... last night the babies were okay. Slept from about 7:15 til 6:30.
Thanks! The drive is not that bad (we've been up there several times already), but this will be the longest trip by far.

Wow, 7 mos. and really mobile -- that is just scary to think about. I haven't even begun to baby-proof things here.

FM: I like Baby Blues! When I got the paper, it was one of the comics. That Zoe is quite a little tyke!

[sachmo71]

Pilotman,

hang in there, man. With the price of fuel going down, hopefully things will start looking better for your company.

[WSUCougar]

Yesterday just before lunch I get a frantic call from my wife.

“Our son is freaking out at daycare…crying uncontrollably and kicking the teachers. Can you go get him?!?”

So I went to get him.

He’s in the administrative office, sitting in a chair – well, more curled up like a ball in the chair – red-faced, and sucking on his fingers. Perhaps three teachers are trying to talk to him as I walk in. The head teacher asks him something and he starts to cry again. Well, right away I can tell that he is just stressed out and needs a break, so I say, “Come here and have a hug, Drew,” and he comes and wraps me up. The teachers – who are all good folks – proceed to tell me that he just went off and wouldn’t chill out. Eventually I’m able to determine the following:

1. Drew took one of his cheap little metal airplanes in to daycare. He is normally territorial about his toys, but he got the airplanes for his birthday as part of a cool aircraft carrier set
2. Matthew, one of his usual friends, tried to grab the plane from Drew and ended up pulling the front wheels off. I can see this scene in my mind’s eye. Ordinarily, Drew would probably scream or otherwise get upset, but this apparently set him off big time.
3. The teacher(s) tried to mitigate the situation or to get him to relax or whatever, and he would have none of it. He has a very severe sense of JUSTICE and he was the wronged party!!! But then he started kicking at the teachers, which is a big no-no.

Well, he said he was sorry to the teacher and seemed genuinely contrite as we rode home. He took a long nap and seems okay now. We gave him long talks about the kicking part, but I wish there was some way to instill some better reactions if/when kids try to take “his stuff.” In a way, I wish he’d just get a little physical with the other aggressive kid rather than going ballistic.

[Ramzavail]

This thread is like a huge comedy routine, great stuff.

[Bea-Arthurs Hip]

Hi my name is Bea-Arthurs Hip and I am a parent.

I am in need of desperate help! We have two girls . Clare is three and is an absolute angel; if all kids were like her I would take all the kids God threw my way.

My problem is not Clare. My problem is our 1 1/2 year old Theresa. Let me begin with our "baby". My wife had to go in for a somewhat risky surgery to have one of her ovaries removed when Theresa was 5 months old in the womb which went off with out a hitch. Then after a somewhat traumatic delivery everything was fine as all involved were healthy.

Fast forward a month and for some unknown reason Theresa has not stopped crying. I think to myself, "strange I don’t remember Clare crying this much". So wife and I figure it is normal and Clare must have been like this also.

Fast forward to the second month and for some odd reason Theresa still has not stopped crying. To make things real fun now she is not sleeping. This creates a very pleasant husband-wife situation. We are at each other’s throats constantly all the while Theresa is pissed off at the world.

Fast forward to month three - Theresa obviously does not like her parents. She will not sleep; she never stops crying and now seems to have developed a rash from hell. At this point I deeply consider driving off a bridge somewhere, as it is very frustrating to have zero control over this poor little child...We go in for her three-month appointment and they tell us she has Colic (sp??). Well kick me in the nuts and call me Sam. Really?? You think doc??

Fast forward to month four - Theresa is getting a little better as we get her on some $oy formula (away from brea$t feeding). Then my wife calls me at work one day:

Hip: "hi honey"
Wife: "hi"
Hip: "everything ok?"
Wife: "no"
Hip: "what is it, need me to come home?"
Wife: " I have post pardom depression?"
Hip: "ok"
Wife: " see you when you get home and be prepared for 13 months of
Complete and utter hell as I am going to be mean and nasty. And don’t forget about our 1 1/2 year old who is mean and nasty, oh yeah our three old also who needs attention constantly"

(The above of course did not happen through a phone call but it is a summary of the past 13 months)

Fast forward to November - I would never wish what my wife went through on any woman (or husband for that matter). I also would not wish the curse of colic on any child (or parent for that matter). ....Wife is doing much much better. She is seeing a doctor and is on medication. Theresa also is doing a little better but she still throws fits over everything. When I say fits I mean like the ones you see kids on Nanny 911 or Super Nanny throw.


Theresa is loving and plays well; she loves her sister and animals. But when she gets angry, look out!

My question to the group, have any of you had a colicky baby? Did they after growing out of it and develop temper problems? Will it ever end?

From a Dad-Husband who has shouldered financial problems, depressed wife, many immediate family crisis and of course my own day to day problems.

Help Me

[sachmo71]

bea,

my daughter was the sweetest little thing. She slept through the night at two weeks, would smile at us when she work up in the morning, and was generally a gift from above. She is now 3, and has been kicked out of one daycare, has meltdowns at least once per day, has started calling mom and dad a "blockhead", and likes to eat her art projects.

I think perhaps the inverse could be true for you (read: your daughter will be fine) :)

[WSUCougar]

Hey buddy, although my experience was not as bad, I feel your pain. There were times when I felt so pushed to the limit of patience and endurance. I'd pick up the phone at work, and my wife would be borderline hysterical on the phone. Poor thing, it wasn't her fault, but it was so exasperating not to be able to DO anything about it. It was such a feeling of impotency.

Then there were Drew's crying fits, what we called "wildcats." He was not "colicky" by definition, I guess, but he sure pushed us to the brink with those periods.

All I've read and heard and experienced, however, suggests that it WILL be okay for you. Hang in there and find ways to ease your situation (both you and your wife). Allow yourself to feel crappy about it sometimes, and don't beat yourself up. This is a fire that burns you and shapes you as a parent. Be strong and you'll emerge stronger from it. I know that sounds silly, but I really do believe it.

[JonInMiddleGA]

My question to the group, have any of you had a colicky baby? Did they after growing out of it and develop temper problems? Will it ever end?

Oh goodness, you have my deepest sympathy.

Been there, done that, damned near didn't survive it.

The best line I heard on the subject went something like this: There are two kinds of parents: those who've had a child with colic & those without. Here's how you tell them apart, when you mention that your baby has colic, you'll get one of two responses:
Those who've never been through it say "Oh, that's too bad"
Those who HAVE been through it say "Oh God is there anything we can do to help?"

Yes, I promise, it DOES end (just never soon enough). And no, it does NOT predict future behavior. Amazing as it may seem to those who know me, my son is one of the kindest, gentlest, most "people-pleasing" oriented people I've ever seen ... after three months of the living hell that is colic.

I've got to run out to dinner now, but I'll try to pass back through the thread with a few tips/tricks (99.9% of which won't work unfortunately) & any other support I can offer, but I wanted to at least reassure you that, once the colic ends, you aren't living with a demonspawn or anything like that.

edit to add: By now you've probably gotten suggestions for every crazy colic home remedy known to man & beast alike. If your case is like ours, very little will work except time. For us, it was about a 3 month torture, starting from about a week old. How bad was it? (hoo boy, this could be a looooong list)

-- it was so bad that my wife & I actually fought for several days running over whose turn it was to go next door & pick up the neighbors mail while they were on vacation. That five minute chore was the only guaranteed quiet five minutes either of us knew existed & they were more precious than gold.

-- it was so bad that I checked the Atlanta phone book (white pages AND yellow pages) ... would you believe that there's not one single Gypsy listed in the whole freakin' phone book (borrowed from the old boogey-man story about "I'm gonna give you to the gypsies if you don't behave)

-- It was so bad that one night we drove around for nearly three hours, from 1am til 4am, after discovering that the motion of the car was about the only thing that brought relief to the baby & therefore ending the crying. As soon as the car was put in park, literally the instant, WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!.

-- It was so bad that a UPS deliveryman almost lost his life after ringing our doorbell around 4p one afternoon for a late delivery, waking up baby, mom, and dad & hitting the WTF-DO-YOU-WANT?!?!?! sweepstakes in the process.
If he were just a half-step slower, I'd have caught him by the throat as I tried to do. (from that day until the colic ended, a "Do Not Ring Bell - Sleeping Baby" sign was kept handy for posting on the front door)

Looking back, the thing that really doesn't sink in while its going on but that you think about later, is that the baby is pretty much in agony during the attacks (for us, that was a period from about sundown until just before sunrise). That doesn't make the screaming more tolerable, just maybe more understandable in hindsight.

Of all the countless tricks & tips we got, only a couple seemed to do much good.

1) Put a towel in the dryer, get it nice & warm (nearly hot), roll it up kinda like you would if you were making a pillow for yourself, and place it on the baby's tummy, applying just a little bit of pressure. For as long as the towel stays really warm, the combination of heat & pressure relieved the pain at least a little bit, enough to turn the screams down to fussing & whimpers. We spent quite a few nights running a virtual relay from the baby to the dryer.

2) The car thing was pretty successful, although it's pretty impractical to try to drive for hours on end, especially with the price of gas these days. We never found a really successful substitute for that motion, but maybe your luck might be better.

3) The thing that helped most for us was discovering that he had an extremely high iron level, abnormally high even for a newborn/infant. He was a formula baby 100% & today's pediatrician's are absolutely fanatical about loading as much iron as possible to infants. Luckily, we found one pedia that had experienced uber-iron levels in baby's before & when we switched to special low-iron formula, it reduced our problems by a good 20%. Didn't make the colic go away, but it did cut down on stomach problems that were contributing to his misery index.

Of all the suggestions we got, the worst one was probably "put the baby in a warm bath". That resulted in a transformation from a screaming baby to a wet screaming baby ... not a positive change, trust me.

Like I said at the beginning though, it does end, in our case, completely unexpectedly & out of the blue. It didn't taper off, no real change, just POOF, one day it was gone, no more "House That Dreaded Sundown" for us.
You'll make it, even if you don't really want to at times, you'll make it.
And it won't take long for the inevitable comparisons to Linda Blair to be relegated to nothing more than a horrifying memory.

[wishbone]

The other day we were having dinner and our 4year old son Jackson said he had to go potty. We said ok and he started off, as soon as he turned the corner, he comes back, pokes his arouund the corner and yells "I WILL MAKE YOU PROUD!", then takes off to the bathroom. My wife and I were shocked and started laughing uncontrollably the rest of the night.

[vex]

Looks like I'll be posting in this thread in 8 months:)

[FrogMan]

Looks like I'll be posting in this thread in 8 months:)
what a subtle way to pass on the news, you sneaky young dog! :D

Congratulations!!! (hoping I'm reading the news right)

FM

[vex]

what a subtle way to pass on the news, you sneaky young dog! :D

Congratulations!!! (hoping I'm reading the news right)

FMThanks, we just found out Thursday night. Very happy, very nervous:)

[PilotMan]

Great news Vex! Thanks for sharing. It is going to change your life more than any single event in your life. Have fun!

[PilotMan]

My question to the group, have any of you had a colicky baby? Did they after growing out of it and develop temper problems? Will it ever end?

From a Dad-Husband who has shouldered financial problems, depressed wife, many immediate family crisis and of course my own day to day problems.

Help Me
I can tell you Bea that I have been there, and it was not fun at all. It was a very trying time for us. But I am happy to say that it does indeed end.

Zach our middle child had it horrible. He would cry for hours and hours, and I would be reduced to a trembling, crying mass that resembled a Jello Jiggler. He is one of the most well adjusted, kind hearted and socially outgoing 3 yr olds that I have ever seen. So don't worry about the long term effects of it. Just pray it ends.

We also went throught the PPD as well. My wife was miserable, and our situation was similar to yours. As soon as she started taking meds things improved, however it didn't really end until much later. It also seems to have made her more susceptible to depression in general, as we have to deal with her and seasonal affective disorder during the overcast winter months in Cincy.

I know the burden of shouldering the load, if you have seen any of my rescent posts here you will see what I am talking about and you are spot on. For us, as the years have moved on, I find that the challenges never diminish and that your sanity is brought into question. Just remember that if you don't take care of yourself your family may really struggle. Try and make sure that you are getting what you need too, so that you can continue to support your family. The early years are the hardest, and as your kids age, the pressure ever so slowly lifts.

Hang in there and PM me if you need to chat.

PM

[JonInMiddleGA]

Welcome to the club Vex ;)

[Bea-Arthurs Hip]

Guys -All of you...You have no idea how much this has helped...I just came in from an afternoon of hell at the mall with the family. Ever since I got up I have had a feeling of being a failure. I felt like l have failed in rasing our children, failed in making my wife happy and failed in making myself a real father and husband..

But after coming in and taking a little dad time, I thought I will check and see if anyone has responded with anything. then I see the posts- Sachmo, WSUCougar, JonInMiddleGA, Pilot Man- alls I can say from one dad to anonther is thanks!!!..It is nice to talk to other men who love being dads-husbands and take this vocation serious.

Again all your advice (and painful stories) are great signs of hope for me.

I will continue to check and seek support and hopefully give some as well!


p.s little funny story - Last night I am carrying Clare up to bed last night after wrestling with her, of course I got her all wound up, and she says:
Clare - "dad yant to pway one more game".
hip - carrying clare, "time for bed sweety, we can play tomorrow"
Clare - "its weal yun and we can pway while you howd me"
hip - "ok, what is it"
Clare - "pee-pee game"
hip - "Clare-no!!!"
Clare - "hehehehe"

She proceeded to pee all over me, I of course hurry up and get her changed before mommy caught wind of this new game. I then explained to Clare that next time she plays this game we will have to make her start wearing diapers again. Clare told me she was sorry and she will never play that game again...Thank God


thanks again guy! :)

[PilotMan]

One more thing about colic.

A running vacuum cleaner. I have seen it work. Just turn it on.

Have you seen those beanbag aromatherapy relaxing bags that you can throw in the microwave and heat up? My wife has made some of those before. We used to heat one up and put it in bed just to warm the bed up, you can remove it or leave it.

There are more that we have tried, I'll ask my wife.

[WSUCougar]

One more thing about colic.

A running vacuum cleaner. I have seen it work. Just turn it on.
HA! We used the vacuum quite frequently. Also my wife's hair dryer. :redface:

[PilotMan]

Hello Bea, This is Pilot-Man's wife. I have some other suggestions for colic. Try Hyland's Teething Tablets, we can only get them at the health food store where we live now but they are all natural and you can give them once an hour. They help reduce the pain and make them sleep, a sleeping baby= happier mommy and daddy. The other thing that worked for us was simethicone drops and Mozart. I also used to carry the babies in a sling a lot when they were crying, i could have my hands free to make dinner or whatever at the same time. If your interested in the warming rice aromatherapy bags let PilotMan know. I'd be happy to make one for you.
I had PPd after both our second and third and It was really hard on our marriage, the main thing I remember is just feeling really helpless and alone. Try really hard to be patient because it takes a while to feel better, lots of hugs and reassurance that your not the only one this happens to helps too. Spending a little bit of time doing things just for her helps too I think. A manicure or massage or even a oppurtunity to go shopping by herself might perk things up. You have to take care of you before everybody else which feels impossible with small kids but is worth the effort, I swear it.
If Mrs. Bea would like a little Mommy-to-Mommy support PM can give you my email, sometimes talking to somebody who's been there helps. Sorry this is so long. Good Luck!

[TonyR]

Hi Bea,
Can't say I know what it is like to have a colicy baby. My wife (ibnsgirl) and I are barely starting our family and we are on our first (Lucy-4 months).
I know when we first brought Lucy home from the hospital, she would go into these fits because we either weren't giving her enough formula or it was getting her constipated/gassy. The hospital kind of screwed us over when they pressured my wife into giving Lucy formula. ibnsgirl wanted to breatfeed. So, by giving Lucy formula, it gave Lucy nipple-confusion.
There were some long nights when ibnsgirl was up, or when I was up trying to calm her down. It made things a bit hard for us since techincally we are still new to the married life. Married 11 months and with a newborn. Granted we've already come 4 months now, but we're still working on it.
Lucy's a doll and great fun to be around. She's a big hoot when I'm able to get her talking or laughing, but she is definately a momma's girl. She can have fun with me, but only for so long, then it is like I want mom, I want mom now. It's a little frustrating since I also want to be able to settle her down, but sometimes it's best to leave it to the wife.
I know it is a learning process, and I have a long way to go. I can say that this group has helped a lot and is also giving me things to expect when as Lucy gets older.

[Ksyrup]

Colic sucked. Our second daughter Mackenzie had it. Nothing worked. Even things like the car, the dryer, the vaccuum cleaner, etc., worked to quiet her down, but she never stayed asleep. The minute we tried to put her to sleep - bam, she was screaming again. In order for it to work, I would have had to sit in the laundry room for hours on end. Not going to happen.

She had it for about 3 months. She screamed from 8pm until 1am nearly every night. And then one night we realized we didn't have to get up to get her, and we've had no problems with her at all. In fact, she's so good about going to bed now, I almost think those 3 months were worth the trade off. Since she was about 6 months, all we've had to do is take her into her room, turn off the lights, and she reaches for the bed. Putting her to sleep is a 10 second exercise. It's amazing.

[Breeze]

With the twins we had similar problems but it wasn't colic it was acid reflux. They ended up getting put on Baby Xantax and Regland (a medicine that helps breakdown baby food). Once we got that in their systems - no issues. Before that...my wife and I were Zombies from lack of sleep.

[Ksyrup]

We drove over to Jacksonville this past weekend to see the Wiggles. The kids loved it. Caitlin, our 6-year old, wanted to wear the shirt we bought her at the concert, and I told her to save it and she could wear it at school today, and she says, "But the Wiggles are for babies!" And then they came out and she was dancing like a fool.

BTW, if any of you are going to see them soon, Greg wasn't there. He apparently had to leave the tour for double hernia surgery. They had a replacement who was very good - sounded just like Greg. It couldn't have been easy replacing the guy who sings lead on all the songs, but they pulled it off very well. We had great seats, too - 11th row on the floor. Not quite Judas Priest, but it was great for the kids.

[PilotMan]

Good luck to you with the Wiggles. That just happens to be where I draw the line. Even Barney is ok, but the Wiggles? Not in this lifetime. Glad to hear that your kids had fun though.

[JonInMiddleGA]

Yikes! The Wiggles Live ... thankfully, Will's interest in them was shortlived & faded before before they became a touring act.

[Ksyrup]

I don't mind the Wiggles at all. Especially live, they put on a good show for the kids, but also throw a few things in for the parents. Yesterday Murray started playing Stairway to Heaven to tune his guitar. The first time we saw them, about 3 years ago, they did a segment where Captain Feathersword had to make up lyrics to go along with whatever songs the crowd yelled out, and they ended up playing and singing made up lyrics to Iron Man and Slim Shady, which was hilarious, actually.

Barney is ridiculous, though.

[Bea-Arthurs Hip]

Hi Bea,
Can't say I know what it is like to have a colicy baby. My wife (ibnsgirl) and I are barely starting our family and we are on our first (Lucy-4 months).
I know when we first brought Lucy home from the hospital, she would go into these fits because we either weren't giving her enough formula or it was getting her constipated/gassy. The hospital kind of screwed us over when they pressured my wife into giving Lucy formula. ibnsgirl wanted to breatfeed. So, by giving Lucy formula, it gave Lucy nipple-confusion.
There were some long nights when ibnsgirl was up, or when I was up trying to calm her down. It made things a bit hard for us since techincally we are still new to the married life. Married 11 months and with a newborn. Granted we've already come 4 months now, but we're still working on it.
Lucy's a doll and great fun to be around. She's a big hoot when I'm able to get her talking or laughing, but she is definately a momma's girl. She can have fun with me, but only for so long, then it is like I want mom, I want mom now. It's a little frustrating since I also want to be able to settle her down, but sometimes it's best to leave it to the wife.
I know it is a learning process, and I have a long way to go. I can say that this group has helped a lot and is also giving me things to expect when as Lucy gets older.

Thanks TonyR, I know the feeling about mommas girls. Our first daughter was attatched to her mom something fierce. But now three years later she is a daddys girl :) . Give it time.

Hello Bea, This is Pilot-Man's wife. I have some other suggestions for colic. Try Hyland's Teething Tablets, we can only get them at the health food store where we live now but they are all natural and you can give them once an hour. They help reduce the pain and make them sleep, a sleeping baby= happier mommy and daddy. The other thing that worked for us was simethicone drops and Mozart. I also used to carry the babies in a sling a lot when they were crying, i could have my hands free to make dinner or whatever at the same time. If your interested in the warming rice aromatherapy bags let PilotMan know. I'd be happy to make one for you.

PM's Wife - I printed this off and gave it to my wife, hopefully she will take you up on the PM thing. She has lots of friends and family but none of them have little babies or have gone through PPD, so they are not much help as they think it is no big deal...Little do they know :eek: ...Thanks again

[KevinNU7]

Just a little bump. The wife is closing in on the one month countdown and I'd hate to see this thread disappear when I will need it desperately :)

[ibnsgirl]

Hi y'all!

I hardly even logged in for almost 3 weeks, so I'm just getting caught up on everything.

Congrats, vex! This is so exciting! :) A baby definitely changes everything, but the trip is worth it!

Bea -- As Tony said, Lucy was not colicky, but we have had our moments. Technically, Lucy is more of a "high-needs" baby in that she is very alert and active (read: draining at times), and knows what she wants but gets frustrated and can fall apart somewhat easily. As Tony also said, she is a riot, loves people (ok, just us but that will work itself out later), and learns very quickly.
Back to the point -- I have a question: am I to assum that your daughter isn’t suffering with colic still, but that you are anxious about her behavior? Just want to make sure that I am reading it correctly. :)

Kevin -- the last month was not all that easy, though I still think 24 hour sickness was worse. I know the holidays are upon us, and that is going to add stress/pressure to get everything done pre-baby. If we can help in any way, let us know.

Our 5 day trip to see the family went pretty darn well. I guess that the worst part was that Lucy's sleep schedule at night has been a bit out of whack since then.
Basically only Tony or I held her, so that dramatically reduced her crying. She really didn't have any meltdowns due to overtiredness either.
My relationship with the in-laws has suffered of late, but at least I don't think that this trip added anything to that. So all in all, a successful trip!! :)

[Breeze]

I have a quick update on my oldest son. Last year about this time we were having difficulty with him in school so the county came in to test him. The tests indicated he might have Asperger's. We didn't agree with that assessment because he is much to personable at home, but we did admit that he had problems relating to his peers and that he didn't do well in big groups. We've since investigated sensory intergration issues, and there are definately some present, but they aren't the underlying cause of his problems.

Fast forward to the present. Brett (5 years old) is doing much better with his social skills, in fact most of him current problems revolve around keeping his hands to himself and stopping to listen to his teacher. We ran through a bad couple of weeks in early November so my wife and I (with the request of the teacher decided to get him tested). we contacted out pediatrician and he said we needed to see a Psychologist to get some testing and assessment done before we can proceed.

We received the test results yesterday and here is what we've learned:

1 - he is ADHD (which my wife and I knew all along) and that isn't surprising because I was diagnosed as ADHD and Cathy had ADHD traits as a child but was never diagnosed. Moreover, the doctor said he was even more hyper than most ADHD kids she deals with.

2 - he has some OCD issues around perfectionism (none of the OCD disorders like Jack Nicholson displayed in "As Good As It Gets" - nothing to that extent). His issues deal with wanted to do something perfectly or not at all and if he elects to do it - he doesn't want to stop until he is finished.

3 - his fine motor skills are lacking so it takes him longer to complete his work and his writing is little sloppy.

4- and this is the most important aspect and directly affects the 1st item listed above. He is extremely smart. He was given an age equivalency test (the results of which are transformed into an IQ). As a 5 year 3 month old child he registered as an 8 year 10 month old - which correlates to an IQ of 159 putting him over the 99.9 percentile. This creates major problems in ADHD because he becomes bored quickly with easy tasks (coloring etc.) and he has a hard time making friends because they don't understand him when he plays more complex games or he finds their pretending childish.

We aren't sure how we are going to handle this - but they have recommended medication to calm the ADHD down thus allowing him to control his boredom better. Plus we will be placing him in the gifted program ASAP.

I'll keep you guys posted. Thanks for listening.

[FrogMan]

well Breeze, these are good news, you at least know a bit more what you are dealing with here. That's some impressive stuff that they can tell this much about a kiddo's behaviour... Good luck with him!

FM

[sachmo71]

I have a quick update on my oldest son. Last year about this time we were having difficulty with him in school so the county came in to test him. The tests indicated he might have Asperger's. We didn't agree with that assessment because he is much to personable at home, but we did admit that he had problems relating to his peers and that he didn't do well in big groups. We've since investigated sensory intergration issues, and there are definately some present, but they aren't the underlying cause of his problems.

Fast forward to the present. Brett (5 years old) is doing much better with his social skills, in fact most of him current problems revolve around keeping his hands to himself and stopping to listen to his teacher. We ran through a bad couple of weeks in early November so my wife and I (with the request of the teacher decided to get him tested). we contacted out pediatrician and he said we needed to see a Psychologist to get some testing and assessment done before we can proceed.

We received the test results yesterday and here is what we've learned:

1 - he is ADHD (which my wife and I knew all along) and that isn't surprising because I was diagnosed as ADHD and Cathy had ADHD traits as a child but was never diagnosed. Moreover, the doctor said he was even more hyper than most ADHD kids she deals with.

2 - he has some OCD issues around perfectionism (none of the OCD disorders like Jack Nicholson displayed in "As Good As It Gets" - nothing to that extent). His issues deal with wanted to do something perfectly or not at all and if he elects to do it - he doesn't want to stop until he is finished.

3 - his fine motor skills are lacking so it takes him longer to complete his work and his writing is little sloppy.

4- and this is the most important aspect and directly affects the 1st item listed above. He is extremely smart. He was given an age equivalency test (the results of which are transformed into an IQ). As a 5 year 3 month old child he registered as an 8 year 10 month old - which correlates to an IQ of 159 putting him over the 99.9 percentile. This creates major problems in ADHD because he becomes bored quickly with easy tasks (coloring etc.) and he has a hard time making friends because they don't understand him when he plays more complex games or he finds their pretending childish.

We aren't sure how we are going to handle this - but they have recommended medication to calm the ADHD down thus allowing him to control his boredom better. Plus we will be placing him in the gifted program ASAP.

I'll keep you guys posted. Thanks for listening.


sounds a lot like my daughter.

[Breeze]

sounds a lot like my daughter.

Hey Satch,

We are meeting with Brett's teachers in a couple weeks to try and come up with a plan that will meet his needs in all areas. Basically, finding him contemporaries Mentaly, Physically, and Emotionally, and that won't be easy because his levels are so diverse. We are leaning towards a mentor from a higher grade, and the gifted program, but that won't solve everything. Since you mentioned that Brett sounds like your daughter, do you have any suggestions?

[sachmo71]

Hey Satch,

We are meeting with Brett's teachers in a couple weeks to try and come up with a plan that will meet his needs in all areas. Basically, finding him contemporaries Mentaly, Physically, and Emotionally, and that won't be easy because his levels are so diverse. We are leaning towards a mentor from a higher grade, and the gifted program, but that won't solve everything. Since you mentioned that Brett sounds like your daughter, do you have any suggestions?

Actually, my daughter is younger than your son, so we are still working with her. Her councelor didn't diagnose her as ADD, but she does exhibit some of the signs. She is always moving from one task to another, and get's bored easily. Basically, some of the things that have helped were to remove the majority of her toys from the play area to keep her concentrated on one toy at a time, try to talk more softly and on her level when winding down for the evening, and positive reinforcement as often as possible while keeping negative attention to a minimum. My wife and I were trying a very hands on approach with her, but we are finding that establishing boundaries and letting her guide herself seems to work much better.

[Radii]

Quick "kids say the darndest things" update to keep this great thread on the front page.

At dinner the other night, Anthony(8 year old son) was taking his plate to the kitchen. I reminded him to put it in the sink and rinse it off. Oliegirl says "no the sink is full, just put it on the counter."

Anthony says "I'll do what mommy says since she's the boss." HMMMMM. I forget if the next comment came on his own or after we asked, but he then said "Richard is the assistant boss."

Oh well, its not like it isn't true ;)

[FrogMan]

Quick "kids say the darndest things" update to keep this great thread on the front page.

At dinner the other night, Anthony(8 year old son) was taking his plate to the kitchen. I reminded him to put it in the sink and rinse it off. Oliegirl says "no the sink is full, just put it on the counter."

Anthony says "I'll do what mommy says since she's the boss." HMMMMM. I forget if the next comment came on his own or after we asked, but he then said "Richard is the assistant boss."

Oh well, its not like it isn't true ;)

yeah, for once he's not lying and he's telling at least part of the truth ;) :p

FM

[ibnsgirl]

I have a quick update on my oldest son. Last year about this time we were having difficulty with him in school so the county came in to test him. The tests indicated he might have Asperger's. We didn't agree with that assessment because he is much to personable at home, but we did admit that he had problems relating to his peers and that he didn't do well in big groups. We've since investigated sensory intergration issues, and there are definately some present, but they aren't the underlying cause of his problems.

Fast forward to the present. Brett (5 years old) is doing much better with his social skills, in fact most of him current problems revolve around keeping his hands to himself and stopping to listen to his teacher. We ran through a bad couple of weeks in early November so my wife and I (with the request of the teacher decided to get him tested). we contacted out pediatrician and he said we needed to see a Psychologist to get some testing and assessment done before we can proceed.

We received the test results yesterday and here is what we've learned:

1 - he is ADHD (which my wife and I knew all along) and that isn't surprising because I was diagnosed as ADHD and Cathy had ADHD traits as a child but was never diagnosed. Moreover, the doctor said he was even more hyper than most ADHD kids she deals with.

2 - he has some OCD issues around perfectionism (none of the OCD disorders like Jack Nicholson displayed in "As Good As It Gets" - nothing to that extent). His issues deal with wanted to do something perfectly or not at all and if he elects to do it - he doesn't want to stop until he is finished.

3 - his fine motor skills are lacking so it takes him longer to complete his work and his writing is little sloppy.

4- and this is the most important aspect and directly affects the 1st item listed above. He is extremely smart. He was given an age equivalency test (the results of which are transformed into an IQ). As a 5 year 3 month old child he registered as an 8 year 10 month old - which correlates to an IQ of 159 putting him over the 99.9 percentile. This creates major problems in ADHD because he becomes bored quickly with easy tasks (coloring etc.) and he has a hard time making friends because they don't understand him when he plays more complex games or he finds their pretending childish.

We aren't sure how we are going to handle this - but they have recommended medication to calm the ADHD down thus allowing him to control his boredom better. Plus we will be placing him in the gifted program ASAP.

I'll keep you guys posted. Thanks for listening.

Sounds like me... And I have the feeling that Lucy will battle with some of this, too.

[Breeze]

Well, we have our meeting with the teachers today to go over our plan for Brett. Through our research we have decided to ask for a few things:

1. A Mentor - because he doesn't seem to relate to the other kids in his class (though he will play with them, he often comes home saying "None of the kids in my class like the things I like") and because he does seem to relate well to older kids we are going to ask for a period of time a couple times a week where a child from an older grade can spend time reading with him or working on math, etc.

2. Horizons (gifted class) - we are going to request he get placed in Horizons. This one shouldn't be an issue because his teachers have already indicated that he probably shoud go there. The only problem is the Teacher is going to have to be aware of the ADHD issue and be willing to show patience in keeping him on task (though I will admit - it isn't as hard if he's interested in the subject matter).

3. Allow him to sit in with an older class for a period of time each day and work on what they are working on.

4. Make sure he still attends PE and recess with the other 5 year olds. As much as he relates on a mental level with older kids, he obviously isn't physically ready to play sports with them and we don't want him to lose self esteem because he's never able to play when he goes to the play ground.

5. A suggestion from another Gifted teacher that my mom works with (my mom is also a gifted teacher) was to have him sit in with a 3rd grade gifted class. That her 3rd graders would take Brett under there wing, have a blast teaching him things and almost treat him like a mascot. This will subject Brett to more difficult subject matter, while also giving him a lot of attention, which is good for the self esteem. I don't hold out much hope for this one though.

I'll let you know what comes out of this.

One other good note. The psycholgist sent some forms home and to school for us and his teachers to fill out. When these forms were filled out last year (by the counties request - no psycologist involved) there was a strong indication from his teachers that he might be an Asperger's child. Her testing didn't show those tendancies, but she wasn't going to rule it out with out taking additional steps. The first of the steps were these forms. The results of which strongly indicate he isn't suffering from Asperger's - so she's now going to remove any references to the disorder in the formal document. :D

[Breeze]

We had out meeting Friday and several things were accomplished. Here is what we are going to be doing with Brett for the rest of the school year.

1. He will attend a social skills class. This will help him deal with social settings better and they will work on his dealing with frustrations that build up from being unable to communicate affectively with class mates.

2. He will serve as a peer teacher, helping other students learn some of the things he already knows.

3. He will have a mentor from an older grade who will work with him on special assignments - giving him a mental peer to relate too and giving him more difficult work that he'll be able to focus on better. He'll also present his findings to the class each week.

4. He will have an adult mentor as well. Hopefully the horizon's teacher - thus allowing him to have exposure to the horizon's environment but not having to test for it (this eliminating the possibility that he gets distracted during the test and scores poorly. If he were to test for horizons and not pass, he would have to wait 2 years before testing again).

5. He will have new 1st grade skills introduced to him on a weekly basis and worksheets on those skills provided throughout the week. (currently worksheets have been given but not reviewed - only teaching of the first grade skills came from home - now he will actually be taught in the classroom the new work).

I'm sure there were some other consessions made, but I can't recall what they are. They will begin after the Christmas break. I'll keep you updated on how it works out. Who knows, maybe it will work well enough to work as a template for some of you who believe you may be facing the same issues.

As for medication? We'll be meeting with the Pediatrician to go over that option in early February.

[WSUCougar]

Good stuff, Breeze. Sounds like good news overall, yes?

My son (age 4) has his daycare's holiday singing thing tonight. Last year that meant crying scared in the hallway and then later standing on stage laughing at his friends attempting to sing Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. What will this year bring?

He's also got another cough, likely a sinus infection, that keeps us awake most of the night. He is asthmatic, so it's always kind of torture for us.

[Breeze]

Good stuff, Breeze. Sounds like good news overall, yes?



Yes, this is great news, and I don't think I could have walked away from the meeting any happier. I really have to take my hat off to the specialist with the county school system. They are really open to ideas and willing to try and help us. One of the specialist got a little offended at the findings of the doctor. I think her pride was a bit hurt, because the doctor was more specific and at times criticle of the initial testing - but that's understandable and she didn't let it affect her decisions.

Now I'm just praying that it will work as well as I anticipate it will.

[FrogMan]

Here's how a 8 and a half year old's mind work when it comes to making christmas gift lists. Andrew had received this wonderful Lego catalog by mail and he knows my mother in law cannot afford some crazy expensive gift, even though she would like to spend a month a half eating rice only in order to do so, so he decided not to pick the one big DynoAttack lego set at $60. What did he pick instead? "Oh look grandma, you could me this one at $30 and that other at $30 too, that's not too bad, huh?" :D

He still believes in Santa too even though my mother in law keeps reporting to him about what she wasn't able to find in stores and what not... Kinda funny, I guess he's made up his mind that there may be a Santa somewhere, but it's may not be him who's really bringing all the toys home ;)

FM

[WSUCougar]

Funny stuff, FM.

As Christmas approaches, my son has taken to saying "I want that!" and "I want those!" everytime he sees anything remotely cool on a toy commercial. We have a stock response, "Let's see what Santa brings," but I struggle with the greed thing a little bit. I'm sure it's normal for a 4-year-old, but still. YOU CAN'T HAVE EVERYTHING!

[Radii]

I struggle with the greed thing a little bit. I'm sure it's normal for a 4-year-old, but still. YOU CAN'T HAVE EVERYTHING!


When I first moved in with Oliegirl and had no idea what the hell I was doing as a parent I watched her handle this kind of thing. The "I wants" on TV commercials were fine, but there were a few incedents where he had just gotten all his birthday presents and then would throw a fit or pout at the store when Oliegirl wouldn't buy him some $2 toy at Target that he *had* to have. That was a good time for the greed conversation :)


The last day of school is today for Anthony, I haven't heard him sound real excited about Christmas itself yet, though I know he's excited for the 2+ weeks off and all the cool things he gets to do with his mom while dad slaves away at work ;)

[ibnsgirl]

FM, that is too funny! :)

I hear ya, Cougar. It is really sad how commercial this season can get.

Of course, I'm not really sure how to handle the whole greed thing, since I'm a bad one to talk. I mean, I must be making up for living under a tight budget due to my chicken feed paychecks during my time in the workforce. When I say "wow, x would be nice to have," Tony says (more often than not), "if you want it, get it." Costco loves it when we go shopping!

Anyway, I guess we will cross that bridge (Christmas gifts for Lucy), when we get there. Right now, I think she would probably be most thrilled to get to play in the wrapping paper.

[MacroGuru]

Alright, I have been reading but not participating as my advice isn't geared toward some of the areas.

What I need is some advice here....I want to avoid the have your kid checked out aspect, don't get me wrong, I just don't think he needs it.......yet.

Anyways, we have the new baby (4 months) and my son (5 years) is now the middle child. He has been replaced as what you would call the "baby" of the family. So he was used to getting spoiled majorly just to a little....Now I don't think this should have messed him up that much, but I am now dealing with...what I would call, him marking his territory.

The kid is peeing on everything....I kid you not, last night he peed under his bed...last week, it was on his floor, the other day all over the bathroom...

I am at wits end, I don't know what to do, other than last night, I had him clean his own mess up, and he wasn't to happy with it....

[WSUCougar]

My opinion is that he's simply looking for attention. Perhaps going out of your way to include him in things related to the baby would help?

[MacroGuru]

My opinion is that he's simply looking for attention. Perhaps going out of your way to include him in things related to the baby would help?
We already do this, I might step it up a bit.

Another thing I am starting to do is what I would call a date night for each kid. I take that specific kid out and either go bowling, miniature golf, movie, to the library, something that the specific kid wants to do, hoping that this will help with a lot of the issues we are experiencing.

[TonyR]

We already do this, I might step it up a bit.

Another thing I am starting to do is what I would call a date night for each kid. I take that specific kid out and either go bowling, miniature golf, movie, to the library, something that the specific kid wants to do, hoping that this will help with a lot of the issues we are experiencing.

That sounds like a very good idea. Granted ibnsgirl and I are only on our first, I think we both invision more. Let me know how this works out D.

[ibnsgirl]

^^ What Tony said. This is just a gut feeling (since I can't say that I have the experience to back it up), but I would definitely keep up the "help clean it up" part. I know it is faster to do it yourself, but the idea that this is not the best kind of quality time will probably get through faster.

Makes you wonder where some of this comes from.

[PilotMan]

Hey Dennis, this is just one of those things that you have to have patience with. Make him clean it up, and he should come out of it. Likely it is a transitory phase. I think the kids date night is a great idea.

My oldest went though a bed wetting phase whenever there was a big change in his life. Moving to a new place, siblings, it was just his response.


Hang in there.

[PilotMan]

We just moved my two Zach and Ean in a room together. It is not going to well. It's like a sleepover everynight and afternoon. I hope I can get back home before my wife packs her bags and leaves the kids.

On the job front.

We are voting on a proposal that takes away our retirement plan, and 401k funding. Takes away on average 17% of our pay. In the meantime we have already lost almost 15% of our fleet, and furloughed around 150 guys. To top that off, rumor has it, if we vote down this proposal (and there is a real possibility that could happen) the company will be liquidated. Not so fun. I am trying to keep it all in perspective.

[MacroGuru]

We already do this, I might step it up a bit.

Another thing I am starting to do is what I would call a date night for each kid. I take that specific kid out and either go bowling, miniature golf, movie, to the library, something that the specific kid wants to do, hoping that this will help with a lot of the issues we are experiencing.
Update,

He has stopped since I last wrote this....it was like the clean up helped...

I have been doing more with the kids and focusing on them more.

I have also accepted a new job, this will be a major re-adjustment for the family as I will be out on the road in big blocks, but less travel.

I have these major periods of no travel, which will keep me home and allow me to help out.

My wife is worried about being a single parent for 5 weeks at a time with the 3 kids, I might have her create an account to talk here, it might help her sanity.

[MacroGuru]

We just moved my two Zach and Ean in a room together. It is not going to well. It's like a sleepover everynight and afternoon. I hope I can get back home before my wife packs her bags and leaves the kids.

On the job front.

We are voting on a proposal that takes away our retirement plan, and 401k funding. Takes away on average 17% of our pay. In the meantime we have already lost almost 15% of our fleet, and furloughed around 150 guys. To top that off, rumor has it, if we vote down this proposal (and there is a real possibility that could happen) the company will be liquidated. Not so fun. I am trying to keep it all in perspective.

Well, we just seperated our two, so I know how you feel with the sleepover thing.....I feel for you there. Best thing to do is sit the rules, and remove anything that will keep them awake from the room.

As for the job front, all I can say is ouch....but I will definately include you in our prayers.

[Radii]

Good luck to both of you(indoorsoccersim and pilotman) on the job related stuff, espicially where it has such an impact on your families. When I was single, I had a job that had me travelling a few times a month, sometimes on literally no notice at all(go in monday morning, and be asked if I can fly to boston in 3 hours, etc). I had a blast doing it then but with a family it would be pretty tough at times i imagine.

[TonyR]

Dennis, Congrats on the new job and good luck with handling the traveling.
PM, I can't imagine what you or your family is going through. You'll remain in my thoughts and prayers.

As far as my job prospects, I'm still waiting to hear if I get the promotion I've been trying to get. The big thing about the promotion would be moving to somewhere I think would be a better place to raise my family. In anycase, I guess in this case, no news is neither good nor bad.

[oliegirl]

Update,

He has stopped since I last wrote this....it was like the clean up helped...

I have been doing more with the kids and focusing on them more.

I have also accepted a new job, this will be a major re-adjustment for the family as I will be out on the road in big blocks, but less travel.

I have these major periods of no travel, which will keep me home and allow me to help out.

My wife is worried about being a single parent for 5 weeks at a time with the 3 kids, I might have her create an account to talk here, it might help her sanity.


I can totally relate to her being worried about taking care of the kids while you are gone. I was a single mom to Anthony for 6 years. If she doesn't want to post here (or even if she does), and wants someone to talk to one on one, PM me and I'll give you my email addy, she can email me anytime!

[Lorena]

I just discovered this thread... great idea WSU!

Antmeister and I have 2 beautiful children, Larissa is 5, and Landon is 21 months old (typical mom counting in months).

I'm too tired to think of any stories right now, but I'll say that Larissa is always thirsty for knowledge asking many, many questions. She seems to come to me most of the time and when I don't know how to answer one, I send her to Antmeister. He always comes up with a witty response.

At first, I was a bit worried that our son hadn't spoken any words. A lot of "words" that come out of his mouth are mostly jibberish, so I thought something was wrong with him. The other day I grabbed a diaper and said, "Landon, come here I need to change your diaper" and he came to me, lied down and put his chubby little legs up, ready to be changed. I was so happy because I knew he understood but I guess he just doesn't wish to speak yet.

Ahh... the joys of parenthood. I'll have to ask Antmeister to post what Larissa did to our fish tank... I would never do the story justice.

[ibnsgirl]

Ouch, PM! That's rough. You and your family are in our prayers.

Congratz, Dennis, on the job front! I can totally understand your wife's worries about being a part-time single parent. I don't know how parents in that situation all of the time do it. I'm even somewhat apprehensive about a little little two-week trip Tony has to take.

As for life with Lucy:
She has started to add "da-da" and "ma-ma" to her string of babble! Very cute! Interestingly, when she is happy and in a good mood, her babble is full of da-das, whereas when she is unhappy/tired/hungry/othwise needs something, then all she says is ma-moms. Who knew?

On a different note, Tony is going to have his hands full next week. Next Monday, I go in for thyroid surgery, which will require a 23 hour stay in the hospital afterward. To say the least, no one is looking forward to it.

As background, the right side of my thyroid inexplicably started retaining fluid when I was about 4 months pregnant. Of course, the doctors didn't want to mess with it then, but not removing it meant that it has had to be drained several (painful) times. Even though the fluid build-up slowed dramatically after Lucy was born, leaving it alone really isn't an option, as it effects my ability to swallow. Assuming all goes well and the pathology report comes back clean, then all I should expect is a sore neck and a raspy voice for a few days.

So anyway, we finally are on track to deal with that. I'm not exactly sure when they will allow visitors, but in any case, it will mark the longest time Lucy and I will be away from each other. For Tony it means that he will have full-time baby duty. As long as everyone can refrain from getting her too wound-up, it shouldn't be horribly bad. Still, we are all looking forward to its being over.

[WSUCougar]

Thread seems to be dying off, so I thought I'd bump it with an update of my own.

Couple things...

1. I was out of town for a week and Drew had his first major case of Daddyitis. Lots of asking "Where's Daddy?" Nightmares on three consecutive nights during my absence (he hasn't had that many of those for months). Progressively more anxious the longer I was away. And a huge grin and hug when I came home. This was all a mixed thing for me to experience (good, in a way, but tough on my wife). He has been entirely a Mommy's boy up until now.

2. Drew had his first trip to the dentist on Saturday. It's a kid dentist place, which is great to begin with. But he did really good with the whole things, which is very encouraging. On the down side, he already has a cavity (ACK!) and will need a filling. He also has some staining on one of his front teeth, likely due to his asthma medication (inhaler). We'll see how that goes.

How's everyone else doing?

[Radii]

2. Drew had his first trip to the dentist on Saturday. It's a kid dentist place, which is great to begin with. But he did really good with the whole things, which is very encouraging.

Awesome! Anthony is the same way. He responded to the news that he had a dentist appointment last week by pumpign his fist and saying "YES!" I'm happy to see that, but wow is it baffling :)

I am going through some dental issues myself after a couple of years of not going(I've had 5 or 6 appointments in the last 4 months and have 3 or 4 more still to go, with a root canal looming). I really need to watch myself when I talk about how freaking terrified I am of the dentist with Anthony around, since its a good experience for him.


How's everyone else doing?

Pretty good, the usual disclipline issues are about it I think. Homework issues(do it right, don't do it as fast as you can, if you can't read it, then its not done right, picking up after yourself issues, don't leave your favorite pair of flip flops where the dog can get to them and rip them to shreds), but reading this thread is a good reminder that in the grand scheme of things that we're dealing with a pretty carefree childhood and that Oliegirl and I are two very lucky parents.

The next couple of weeks are big ones as far as father/son events go. This weekend is the Cub Scout Pinewood Derby. Last year we had no idea what we were doing and had one of the 3 or 4 slowest cars(out of 60 or 70 or more). This year we have a better idea but have still put stuff off to the last few days, which I was hoping would not happen! Most importantly though we have the car design that Anthony wanted, and he's looking forward to the races this weekend.

The week after that is another big Cub Scout event, a 2 day trip to Space Camp in Huntsville, AL. I'm more excited about that than he is, but once we get there I'm sure he'll be amazed the entire time.

[Breeze]

We had our meeting with the doctor to discuss Brett's ADHD, and given all the information we have he recommended trying medications. Since I was on medication for the same problem as a child (though much older than 5), I agreed. He was perscribed Aderall. There is a staging process we are supposed to go thorugh to determine the right dosage.

We gave him is first pill on Saturday, and it didn't go well. He became very angry and tense, then began talking vividly about violent things that he was making up. It was as if he was on a bad LSD trip. After a couple of hours things seemed to settle down and he slowly returned to his normal self. We called the doctor of course and he wants us to try again and let it go for a couple of days. That's going to be very difficult, because Brett is a very sweet and friendly child, and his personna on the drug was quite disconserting. We'll see - I'm not sure where we are going to go from here.

[MacroGuru]

We had our meeting with the doctor to discuss Brett's ADHD, and given all the information we have he recommended trying medications. Since I was on medication for the same problem as a child (though much older than 5), I agreed. He was perscribed Aderall. There is a staging process we are supposed to go thorugh to determine the right dosage.

We gave him is first pill on Saturday, and it didn't go well. He became very angry and tense, then began talking vividly about violent things that he was making up. It was as if he was on a bad LSD trip. After a couple of hours things seemed to settle down and he slowly returned to his normal self. We called the doctor of course and he wants us to try again and let it go for a couple of days. That's going to be very difficult, because Brett is a very sweet and friendly child, and his personna on the drug was quite disconserting. We'll see - I'm not sure where we are going to go from here.
Wow....big step, I am avoiding the medication route with my son, and the school had the talk with my wife last week.

So we stepped up to coffee, on ADD and ADHD caffeine acts as a calming agent. I can drink 64 oz of Dew, coffee or anything, and I could go to sleep right after...the stuff that gets my heart pumping is the sugar.

Good luck on all of this, if you need anyone to talk to about this, I am more than willing, I am an adult that has been diagnosed with ADHD, and I was as a kid too, and it sounds like you have been there yourself. Just if you need to talk, vent or anything, PM me.

As for us, things have been going great, the kids are happy that I have a good job that they know will affect a lot in what they will be doing, they also know it is taking me away for big chunks at a time.

I checked them both out of school early today so they can take me to the airport, my 8 year old lost it, she has been holding me, and crying today, telling me not to go. It's been heartbreaking, and I myself lost it on my wife after this, I knew it would be hard, but not this hard.

My 5 year old, it hasn't hit him yet, but it might tonight or in the next couple of weeks. I have purchased a web cam so I can see the family when I am on the road and they can see me.

Keep your fingers crossed for I won't be home until March 19th.

[CamEdwards]

We took the twins to a Baby Derby over the weekend and entered James in the contest. It came time for him to crawl and he turned around and looked at me instead. I didn't mind too much (although the prize, a trip to the Bahamas, would have been nice). At least he didn't cry like the kid next to him.

James was getting up at 4:00 a.m. for a bottle every morning for a few weeks. Luckily that's stopped and he's back to getting up at 5:30. His twin, Catherine, will sleep until 8 a.m. She's such a little sleep pig.

[ibnsgirl]

Best of luck to you and the family, Dennis!

Well, to update, Tony and 6 month old Lucy survived my absence for 24ish hours (surgery). I know it was hard on Tony as Lucy wanted to be held constantly. Overall, though, she was a little trooper, even if she didn't let dad get any sleep. ;)

On the down side, today was probably the closest we've come to the "normal" schedule. On all of our other trips it only took a day, max two, to get back in the swing of things, but this one took over a week. Of course, it can't have helped that on top of recovery from the surgery, I'm also battling a sinus infection. Sneezing when you have a two inch cut in your neck hurts.

On the up side, I don't have cancer! Why my thyroid did what it did will remain a mystery, but cancer does not seem to be the culprit. That also means I get to keep the left side of my thyroid. And Lucy gave Tony some reprieve by not screaming when the grandparents held her (which was the previous norm and made said gps estatic).

Lucy is doing fine, otherwise. It turns out that she is intolerant of carrots. It was real fun figuring that out, especially since carrots were the first thing we started (after cereal).

I guess that the next big milestone is teething -- woohoo.

[FrogMan]

Matty came down with the chickenpox about a week and a half ago. While he had a bit of fever and was whiny because of it, we've found out that his biggest discomfort probably came from being constipated. He's been having some rough time passing bowel movements, many times going 5 and even 6 days between two "jobs". We talked to his pedatrician about it, not on a specially booked appointment but in the middle of his two year check up, and there's not much we can do it seems. He recommended using glycerine suppositories to help him out when he becomes real fussy because of it. For example, Saturday of last week, he'd sit in the living room, we'd hear him push and grunt and he'd stop and asked to be changed. Thing was, there was only a brownish fart in there. We are taking good care to not giving him constipating food and feeding him with as high fiber content as possible and we don't plan on overusing the suppositories but they did the trick on that day. Popped one in, 30 minutes later a biggish rocket came out :D

Funny thing is, that was before his doctor's appointment. Since that day, he's been good and has had one bowel movement, even if smallish at times, per day :)

As for Andrew, our soon to be 9 year old, well, it's quite uneventful right now. Almost scary as I expect to get some sort of letter from his teacher anyday, telling me he's been behaving badly and it'll hit me as a big surprise :) I did make a deal with him. Some of you may know we're practicing karate together, well I sort of got him to enter the bo competition that is organized by our school in February. He's been doing that competition since 2003 in traditional kata and fighting, but he, and I, only started practicing with the bo last September. What's the deal you may ask? Daddy will enter the competition too, in the 30-39 age section :D That will be my first competition. I will compete in the traditional kata and the bo classes... Don't know how that'll go. As I said, we started the bo in September, have had 12 hours of practice and I was just getting the hang of our kata when we left for the Holiday break while Andrew was struggling with it a bit. We start again this coming Saturday...

FM

[MacroGuru]

Best of luck to you and the family, Dennis!
Thank you, truly appreciated....

as I was talking to Tony last week, I had my fingers crossed for you...and I am happy for you..

Little Nicholas is what, I think a month younger than Lucy, he has already cut 3 teeth, it's crazy. Avery did the same early too, but not as many....it looks like Nicholas will cut the 3 other top teeth in the next 2 weeks.

Teething with Nicholas hasn't been that bad.

My favorite thing to use is nightime anbesol....it works wonders.

[ibnsgirl]

as I was talking to Tony last week, I had my fingers crossed for you...and I am happy for you...
very much appreciated on this end, too! Thank you! :)

Little Nicholas is what, I think a month younger than Lucy, he has already cut 3 teeth, it's crazy. Avery did the same early too, but not as many....it looks like Nicholas will cut the 3 other top teeth in the next 2 weeks.

Teething with Nicholas hasn't been that bad.

My favorite thing to use is nightime anbesol....it works wonders

Wow! That seems like a lot of teeth!

When I asked the pediatrician about what to expect with teething, he suggested stocking up on teether toys and such, but otherwise not a whole lot to say except that it is just a natural part of childhood and would pass, etc., etc. I guess as much as anything, one hears so many horror stories that it builds up the ol' anxiety level.

The more interesting part with Lucy would probably be brushing said teeth.
"Ack!! What are you doing?! Mooom! Get it out! Get it out! What is this crazy brush thingy? ......Oh, wait, can I chew on this?..... Mmmm, brush thingy..."

BTW, do they make brushes they can chew on as opposed to little versions of adult ones?

[Ksyrup]

From the "since I'm dealing with this hell, you should too" department...

Last night, while screwing around trying to figure out kids' songs on my daughter's toy xylophone, I came to the realization that This Old Man is the same tune as Barney's I Love You song. Imagine my horror as I worked out the notes to This Old Man, only to have the kids start singing I love you, you love me, blah blah blah.

[WSUCougar]

HA!

I'll call that and raise you a we-have-had-to-watch-Stuart-Little-2-a-bajillion-times recently.

[Ksyrup]

Oddly enough, that is one movie I've never seen. Pretty sure we don't own it or the original.

I'm getting my fill of Wiggles, though, I'll tell you that. Our 6 year old loved them, but now our 2 year old is REALLY into them.

[oliegirl]

Well, we are on week 4 of check marks in school. For those of you with little ones, when kids misbehave, they get a check mark...Anthony's goal has been to get through ONE week of school without a checkmark. He had 2 this week, 5 last week, 3 the week before that and 2 the week before that. Yes - you read right - FIVE check marks! Mainly they are for controls talking (he comes by that flaw honestly so I can't get too mad at him) and "self control"...which is basically sitting still in his seat and doing what he is supposed to do.

Radii and I are pretty fed up, we've grounded him, that didn't work...he has activities every day after school so the amount of time that he was actually "grounded" was small. We've yelled, screamed, talked rationally, tried bribery, blackmail, etc...nothing is working. So it's time for creative punishment. Not quite sure exactly what it will be yet, but if anyone has ideas, please let me know!

[vex]

Looks like I'll be posting in this thread in 8 months:)
And it'll be a....

boy!:) due on July 9th.

[FrogMan]

And it'll be a....

boy!:) due on July 9th.
congratulations!!! Were you there for the ultrasound? If so, how did it feel to see the little heart pounding?

Damn I'll remember this for the rest of my life, great memories, not as great as the births themselves but still quite great :)

FM

[WSUCougar]

And it'll be a....

boy!:) due on July 9th.
Congrats, Vexroid! And brace yourself... :D

[vex]

congratulations!!! Were you there for the ultrasound? If so, how did it feel to see the little heart pounding?

Damn I'll remember this for the rest of my life, great memories, not as great as the births themselves but still quite great :)

FMThanks:)

Yeah, I was there today. It was the 4th time we've heard the heartbeat, but the first time we heard it was something else. My wife was crying, my heart was pounding, it was incredible.

[vex]

Congrats, Vexroid! And brace yourself... :D
Thanks:D

[oliegirl]

And it'll be a....

boy!:) due on July 9th.


Congrats! Little boys are SO much fun :)

[FrogMan]

Congrats! Little boys are SO much fun :)
I don't know how little girls are and I'm sure they are a lot of fun too but what she said is sooooo true :)

FM

[ibnsgirl]

And it'll be a....

boy!:) due on July 9th.
Another summer baby! :) (Lucy's b-day is July 6th.)


Little girls are fun, too! :)

And if you think that the sonogram is great, just wait for that first smile and that first laugh -- heart-melting!

Congratulations, vex and Mrs. vex!!

[WSUCougar]

Got a name picked out yet, Vex?

[vex]

Got a name picked out yet, Vex?Noah William Brown.

Probably, anyways. William is my full first name. We thought it was a girl, so we were arguing over different girls names, but then, it didn't matter of course. And we had already agreed on Noah as a boys name:)

Other possibilities were Ezra or Landon.

[Franklinnoble]

It's on as a short "tweener" throughout the day. The new Sprout format makes shows harder to track.

And Drew really enjoys the English version of Caillou, FrogMan.Am I the only one who has a problem with that show? It seems like that little punk Caillou gets away with murder. If he were my kid, some of the stuff he does on that show would earn him a swift kick in the ass. But his parents seem to be totally OK with it.

Bubba's favorite shows are that mexican dragon cartoon on Sprout, and anything with Elmo in it.

Actually, any sort of talking animal gets his attention.

[oliegirl]

Am I the only one who has a problem with that show? It seems like that little punk Caillou gets away with murder. If he were my kid, some of the stuff he does on that show would earn him a swift kick in the ass. But his parents seem to be totally OK with it.

Bubba's favorite shows are that mexican dragon cartoon on Sprout, and anything with Elmo in it.

Actually, any sort of talking animal gets his attention.


Anthony has outgrown Caillou, but I couldn't stand that show when it was on...he seemed very whiney to me.

A year or so ago Anthony seemed to develop a bit of an attitude problem, we started paying attention to the shows he was watching and noticed that quite a few of them had parents which were portrayed as "stupid" (Fairly OddParents being the worst offender) and where the kids had massive attitude (Ed, Edd and Eddy)...we/I banned Ed, Edd and Eddy and we seriously monitored how much time he spent in front of the TV and made sure that when he was watching, he only saw Fairly OddParents in small doses. We also talked to him and made it clear that it was NOT ok for him to talk to us like those characters talked to their parents. It only took a week or so for the attitude to go away, but I still won't let him watch Ed, Edd and Eddy - that has to be the worst show ever! I wish there were more older kid friendly cartoon shows that portrayed family/parents as a positive thing instead of showing us as idiots who don't know or don't care about what is going on with their kids.

[Franklinnoble]

Anthony has outgrown Caillou, but I couldn't stand that show when it was on...he seemed very whiney to me.

A year or so ago Anthony seemed to develop a bit of an attitude problem, we started paying attention to the shows he was watching and noticed that quite a few of them had parents which were portrayed as "stupid" (Fairly OddParents being the worst offender) and where the kids had massive attitude (Ed, Edd and Eddy)...we/I banned Ed, Edd and Eddy and we seriously monitored how much time he spent in front of the TV and made sure that when he was watching, he only saw Fairly OddParents in small doses. We also talked to him and made it clear that it was NOT ok for him to talk to us like those characters talked to their parents. It only took a week or so for the attitude to go away, but I still won't let him watch Ed, Edd and Eddy - that has to be the worst show ever! I wish there were more older kid friendly cartoon shows that portrayed family/parents as a positive thing instead of showing us as idiots who don't know or don't care about what is going on with their kids.It's not just the young children's shows, either. Most crap targeted at "young adults" has teenagers who constantly mouth off to their parents and are portrayed as smarter and more sophisticated than their elders; to say nothing of all the bloody melodrama that kids invariably emulate after watching crap like "Degrassi."

I'm almost at the point where I'd like to cancel my satellite service altogether. If it weren't for football season...

[oliegirl]

It's not just the young children's shows, either. Most crap targeted at "young adults" has teenagers who constantly mouth off to their parents and are portrayed as smarter and more sophisticated than their elders; to say nothing of all the bloody melodrama that kids invariably emulate after watching crap like "Degrassi."

I'm almost at the point where I'd like to cancel my satellite service altogether. If it weren't for football season...


Yeah, I've noticed that there is a general lack of good family friendly programming for kids, which is disappointing. We often let Anthony watch more "adult" things, mainly movies - stuff like Spiderman, Daredevil, Pirates of the Carribean, etc...he has a good grasp on real/fiction and isn't bothered by the dead bodies or anything...if it's a really grizzly scene we make him cover his eyes. I sometimes wonder if we're making a mistake, and we might be, but I feel that it's a better alternative than most of the crap that is on TV.

[Ksyrup]

Our 6-year old made these St. Patrick's Day cards for me, my wife, and our younger daughter today. Basically, they are colored cardboard that say "Happy St. Patrick's Day" and each of our names. They also include a glued-on phrase that she apparently got out of a scrap book set she got for Christmas. So she hands me the one for our other daughter, and the phrase is, "A child fills a place in your heart you never knew was empty." I'm thinking, "Geez, that's pretty deep, even if she just picked it out." Then my wife's, which said, "Girls just wanna have fun." OK, that's not quite so deep, but it fits. And then I get to mine, which said:

"BOY CRAZY"

Man, my wife and I laughed until we cried. I'm not sure if she meant it as I'm a crazy boy, or if she just picked it out because it had the word boy in it. But damn if that isn't hilarious. She didn't quite know how to respond when I asked her when my subscription to Tiger Beat magazine started.

[vex]

lol, funny stuff Ksyrup:)

[Wolfpack]

Hi, my name is Wolfpack, and I'm a father.

(Hi, Wolfpack!)

Seeing as it's my first post in this thread, I'll try and make it an interesting one. To set the table, I have one daughter, Charlotte, who's now 27 1/2 months old and is going through that stage where you can practically hear the creases forming in her brain. It's an interesting and exciting time to say the least.

At any rate, we recently changed up our bedroom to have our bed on the floor instead of in a bedframe, anticipating the impending birth of our second child. We're co-sleepers as a family, so we did this so that the new baby wouldn't be in danger of falling very far if she did for whatever reason drop out of bed. We did some furniture shuffling in the room that ended up with a small end table next to the bed for a nightstand (before the furniture re-shuffle, it was actually hidden behind the door to the bedroom).

As I noted earlier, our daughter is figuring things out and generally moving into the rambunctious stage of her toddlerhood, able to run and jump, albeit not very well. Well, on Monday night, she was jumping around on the bed, and if you took note of the end table mentioned earlier, I'm certain you can see where this is heading. Did I mention the end table is square with rather sharp corners and edges? Perhaps now would be a good time to mention that, because...while hopping on the bed, she for whatever reason gets up momentum and goes shooting off the side of the bed and smashes her face into the edge of the end table. At the time, my wife and I were getting things ready for bed, so we were in the room when it happened. I pick her up off the floor and she is bleeding profusely from a nice gash right below her right eye. My wife and I debate for a couple of minutes whether we should take her to the ER and ultimately decide to do so, just to be on the safe side.

We get to the ER and are fortunate it's a light night, so we're brought in right away. Still, we do have to wait for a bit for the doctor to come. He examines the cut (grotesquely pulling it open briefly, I might add) and says that yeah, it needs stitches. Knowing that we have a pretty frightened and hurt two-year-old on our hands, he recommends confining her in a papoose (if you don't know, it's a smallish board with velcro wraps that helps immobilize small children) during the sewing-up and also a D-TAP shot for possible tetanus, which we accede to.

The stitching operation is, needless to say, a very traumatic experience for the family as Charlotte is forcibly confined and then has a cloth put over her face so the doctor can concentrate on the stitching area. To boot, a nurse is further physically restraining Charlotte's upper body since the papoose only restricts the limbs to any great degree. The doctor puts in six stitches, all the while Charlotte is screaming and crying and asking to go home and saying other things that naturally tear at a parent's soul because frankly there isn't anything Mom or Dad's going to be able to do to make it better in the short-term. Finally, the stitching is done and all are relieved. Charlotte is rewarded with a couple of popsicles, which seems to sooth her a bit, at least up until the D-TAP shot, which is brief, but still not pleasant. We're then discharged to go home with instructions to return in five or so days to have the stitches taken out.

All during the week, Mom tries to prepare Charlotte for the return visit by discussing with her what did happen and what will happen. Charlotte hears what Mommy's saying, but I don't think she ever quite got it intellectually. This is determined because we went back yesterday (it's now Sunday as I type) to have the stitches out. It's all fine up until we get to the hospital and what had been a fairly happy child during the morning has now become a huddled mass of fear, clinging to Mom and looking decidely unhappy as we stand in line to sign in. The peds ER is a bit more crowded this time, so we have to wait around for a bit, which is both a blessing and a curse as she calms enough to play with some toys and look at the fish tank and even take in a bit of a movie on another child's mini-DVD player that that child's parents brought with them, but this is all merely delaying the inevitable. When we are finally brought back, the fear returns immediately and she's totally unhappy (not hysterical, mind you, but definitely crying and whimpering and so forth). That last visit on Monday has really done a number on her mentally.

We sit in our room for a while and Charlotte is alternately asking to nurse, drink water, or eat something, all the while never settling down and continuing her miserable mood. We finally are seen and again we decide to strap her into the papoose, which naturally elicits some resistance. However, she isn't forced to be under a sheet this time and we count off the stitches as they come out, which seems to help her (she has enough of a grasp of numbers to I think understand how many were removed and how many more were left). She's not hysterical or crying, but she's not enjoying it. Finally, the last stitch is removed and they apply the steri-strips over the cut. Both my wife and I are deliriously happy the ordeal is over with and are thrilled with how well Charlotte coped during the removal process, telling her how brave she is and how proud we are of her for handling it so well.

"Charlotte brave. Charlotte boo-boo feel better. Charlotte go zoom-zoom in the car. Go home."

Ah, just melts the heart to hear that. :)

[WSUCougar]

Welcome, Wolfpack. Man, that's a rough experience, isn't it? Nothing worse than coping with an injured or very sick child. Glad you're past it.

We had a very rough weekend with Drew (4 year old). He has been in a testing stage, where he has been saying "I don't want to" or "no" to a lot of things that he normally wouldn't. Well, it all came down to it on Saturday. He spouted off some sassy comments to my wife (who is the more lenient parent of the two), and got into a timeout situation pretty darn quick. Then he just went berserk. Seriously, it was a 45-minutes straight tantrum. Screaming, kicking, crying, begging...he pulled out all the stops. I'm hungry, scared, need to pee, sorry, you don't love me, etc. etc. The crux of the issue was getting him to be quiet for two minutes, and he just wouldn't do it. I have to give my wife a ton of credit, because although I interjected a few calm comments to try and settle him down, she wanted to handle the bulk of it and didn't yield. Ultimately, he finally caved. *whew*

Lots of nightmares that night and last night. Broken sleep for us.

Then he got this nasty blood blister looking thing on his forefinger. Great trauma, as you can imagine. Very scared and whiney stuff throughout. Doctor ruled it a probable spider bite, and it's getting better already, but damn.

I need a weekend from my weekend.

[sachmo71]

Welcome, Wolfpack. Man, that's a rough experience, isn't it? Nothing worse than coping with an injured or very sick child. Glad you're past it.

We had a very rough weekend with Drew (4 year old). He has been in a testing stage, where he has been saying "I don't want to" or "no" to a lot of things that he normally wouldn't. Well, it all came down to it on Saturday. He spouted off some sassy comments to my wife (who is the more lenient parent of the two), and got into a timeout situation pretty darn quick. Then he just went berserk. Seriously, it was a 45-minutes straight tantrum. Screaming, kicking, crying, begging...he pulled out all the stops. I'm hungry, scared, need to pee, sorry, you don't love me, etc. etc. The crux of the issue was getting him to be quiet for two minutes, and he just wouldn't do it. I have to give my wife a ton of credit, because although I interjected a few calm comments to try and settle him down, she wanted to handle the bulk of it and didn't yield. Ultimately, he finally caved. *whew*

Lots of nightmares that night and last night. Broken sleep for us.

Then he got this nasty blood blister looking thing on his forefinger. Great trauma, as you can imagine. Very scared and whiney stuff throughout. Doctor ruled it a probable spider bite, and it's getting better already, but damn.

I need a weekend from my weekend.

Yuck, Coug!
My daughter loves to throw tantrums, and we learned that ignoring her is a great way to get her to stop. It's not foolproof, but she sure doesn't like it. Still, I would be much happier if her instant reactions to not getting her way was throwing a fit. It's my biggest challenge right now.

[Radii]

Wow, it sounds like a rough couple of weekends for the FOFC Parents here. Glad to hear that everyone is doing okay after some traumatic situations.


To boost up the mood around here a bit, Anthony had his first soccer game Saturday. He's moved up from U8 to U10 and the difference is staggering. I've been the assistant coach on this team and last season's. Last year it wasn't until after 6 or 7 games before we had any hope of the kids playing their positions, and even then only about half the team truly understood their position and role in that position. This year from the very first scrimmage 7 of our 10 kids understand their position at least reasonably well and have a good idea of what they're supposed to be doing.

We have a great head coach(I never played soccer growing up, so I just follow along w/ what the coach is doing) and I've learned something new myself about the game at nearly every practice.

It'll be an interesting season, as the coach stuck Anthony in defense for two quarters Saturday. Its going to take some time to turn Anthony into a defender. He knows his position, but he follows the ball, not the other men. He'll trail the ball up to the midfield stripe and have no idea that he just left two of the opposing players behind him with no one between them and the keeper. He'll learn though. He's a good athlete and is agressive enough that he'll be good wherever he ends up playing.

Development is so quick at this age that its a ton of fun to watch. Now, if he'll just behave at school so we don't have to deal with negative behavior reports every Friday afternoon... ;)

[Ksyrup]

My 6-year old just finished her second soccer season at the end of January. She's definitely a defender/goaltender type. I guess that's about right, given her size (4'5", 80 lbs.). She doesn't really follow the ball much and is content to give it a nice whack and wait for the ball to come back her way. And she loves playing goalie.

She's now in the third week of t-ball practices. This is her second year as well. I'm trying my best to teach her to use her legs to hit, because with her body, she should be consistently pounding them into the OF. Baseball, unlike soccer, is a difficuly game to teach 6-year olds.

[Radii]

Baseball, unlike soccer, is a difficuly game to teach 6-year olds.


I can certainly see that. With soccer at that age as long as they're all running hard they're not doing too much incorrectly. Anthony was done with baseball before I entered his life, but with baseball even at age 6 you need to focus to do *anything*. The endless energy doesn't carry you as far.

[CamEdwards]

Okay, here we go.

My five year old Andrew is becoming quite a crybaby. Things like having to wear a winter coat, or being told to play outside on a nice day will set him off into tears. I am at an absolute loss as to what to do to toughen him up.

I'm also having some issues with the 14 year old, but that's a story for another day.

[Franklinnoble]

Okay, here we go.

My five year old Andrew is becoming quite a crybaby. Things like having to wear a winter coat, or being told to play outside on a nice day will set him off into tears. I am at an absolute loss as to what to do to toughen him up.

I'm also having some issues with the 14 year old, but that's a story for another day.

Humiliation works. Show him how his baby sister doesn't cry like that.

Either that, or put him in a dress. ;)

[CamEdwards]

Humiliation works. Show him how his baby sister doesn't cry like that.

Either that, or put him in a dress. ;)

Actually, he asks to wear the dress... j/k

It seriously is getting annoying. As far as I know, I wasn't this bad when I was his age. His older brother and sister weren't like this. It's not even a matter of him playing the "tears card". I think he just honestly gets so upset about little stuff that it reduces him to tears. It's weird.

[WSUCougar]

For what it's worth, Cam, I'm right there with ya. My son, who's four, tends to be that way as well. One of our books on parenting suggests saying something like, "I can't hear you unless you stop crying" or "I'll only listen if you use your big boy voice." We constantly try and remind him that he's a big boy and needs to talk like one, rather than just crying about things. The jury's still out on the effectiveness of that tactic, though.

[CamEdwards]

Well, I'm glad to know I'm not the only one. :)

[WSUCougar]

So how's everyone doing?

We're in a pretty good stage with Drew right now. He is generally happy and really enjoys a lot of different activities. Biggest issues right now are (a) he always debates the reasoning when he doesn't get his way, (b) seems extra Mom-centric lately.

[sachmo71]

Sydney was able to move to the pre-K class from the 3 and under class she was in, and is performing very well. She still has a bad day from time to time, but it seems that what she really wanted was to be challenged more. It's really nice to get reports of green days with the occational day than to hear report after report about how rough of a day she had. Mom and I will need to remember to keep her thinking and working, because when she's restless, she get's into trouble. It's more tiring for us, but we're the parents, so who cares? :)

[Radii]

Things have been going very smoothly for us for awhile now, which is great. Anthony and Oliegirl got to go to the beach(Orange Beach, AL, where Oliegirl's parents own a condo) for a week for spring break, and dad got the house to himself for a week ;) Anthony earned Straight A's for the 3rd quarter of this year, a first for him, and has adjusted splendidly to his new school.

Easter weekend was a good one, we went to Jillians Friday night(a belated reward for the straight A's), Anthony's U10 soccer team finally won its first game of the season(the season is halfway over, about 7 games played I believe) and he was player of the match, so he was thrilled about that, and we had a nice Easter Dinner at Oliegirl's parents yesterday. All of that helped to take the focus away from Oliegirl's knee surgery, which is tomorrow. all in all, things on the parent front are going great :)

[FrogMan]

glad to hear it's been going well for other people as it's been going pretty well for us too, just kind of felt bad coming in and posting the good times when people are often having rough times ;)

Anyway, Matthew is going through his terrible twos phase with some times more tantrumy than others but in all, he's just so damn charming, it's hard to stay mad for very long. He never ceases to amaze us with new sentence that he put together. He's now 27 months old and it's impressive how well he makes himself understood and how much he likes to speak and explain stuff. It wasn't like that with Andrew but to his defense, Andrew spent the first 18 months of his life in the States, thus hearing both English and French at times while Matty was born in Quebec and is for now only learning French.

As for Andrew, after earning great compliments about his behaviour at school, he's relapsed into the small noise making and such but he seems to understand that it's not acceptable and that he'll have to work on it. He's really maturing, now at 9 years of age, and never was it more obvious than in last week's karate competition. He brought home a 1st place in traditional kata and a second place in fighting (lost in the final after winning three straight fights). Since I often practice with him, I had kind of seen him improve in the last few weeks, but mommy was flabbergasted with the change from the last competition she'd seen in him, only a month ago. His strikes are stronger and more precise, his attitude is better, etc.

Here are two videos of him in action if you wanna see, his traditional kata, called Circle of the Tiger (http://www.savefile.com/files.php?fid=7687605) and his bo kata, which has no name since it was made up by our teacher (http://www.savefile.com/files.php?fid=9800634). As a proof of him changing and such, we used to have the same bo kata until our teacher showed me some different strikes to add to it. Well, he asked me to show him the strikes so he could have them too. Yeah, there was a part of "I wanna do like daddy" but there used to be a time when once set with something, he would disturb that thing unless he really would have had to.

In other news, we're getting ready for one hectic Summer since Andrew has just started indoor socce practices, in preparation for his second season with the city's competitive U9 squad (4th season of soccer overall) and after getting a flyer about and hearing about his friends signing up for it, he's asked us to sign him up for the kid's football league that is being started this Summer. It's an 8 to 12yo league with kids grade 3 and 4 playing together and kids grade 5 and 6 playing together. This means we should have about 5 nights of 5 filled with sports in any given week. As sachmo said, it's gonna be tiring but hey, we're the parents, who cares if it's tiring, as long as kiddo is happy and having fun :)

FM

[Qwikshot]

Just a couple of pictures of Zia at Easter and with the dogs (Ivan and Deuce)

http://i70.photobucket.com/albums/i107/qwikshot1975/Easter047.jpg

http://i70.photobucket.com/albums/i107/qwikshot1975/Easter051.jpg

http://i70.photobucket.com/albums/i107/qwikshot1975/Easter058.jpg

[MacroGuru]

Things have been good....I got back on March 19th from being out on the road for 8 weeks, the kids got away with a lot while I was gone, and my wife was stressed and frustrated with them, so I have had to put my foot down, and let them know it doesn't happen again.

So far so good, but they are slowly starting to act out again as i leave for 6 weeks on Monday.

It's been great being home, the baby has grown a bit since I have been here, and he has been daddy's little shadow. It's going to be painful leaving on Monday.

[WSUCougar]

Dennis, that schedule's got to be rough on everyone. Hang in there, man.

Meanwhile, Drew's been falling into a troublesome habit of saying "I'm sorry" over and over again if he gets disciplined and/or doesn't get what he thinks he has coming. Yesterday, he got into a little trouble at daycare for not listening, and as a result didn't get a lollypop. Oh, lord. Meltdown city. It just so happened that both my wife and I picked him up (we were going to go have a picnic dinner at a park - NOT!), and he made this big scene crying and saying, "I'm sorry, mom" repeatedly. I'm sure it sounds pathetic reading it, but I think it's really more of a behavioral Get Out of Jail Free maneuver. I dunno.

[FrogMan]

Meanwhile, Drew's been falling into a troublesome habit of saying "I'm sorry" over and over again if he gets disciplined and/or doesn't get what he thinks he has coming. Yesterday, he got into a little trouble at daycare for not listening, and as a result didn't get a lollypop. Oh, lord. Meltdown city. It just so happened that both my wife and I picked him up (we were going to go have a picnic dinner at a park - NOT!), and he made this big scene crying and saying, "I'm sorry, mom" repeatedly. I'm sure it sounds pathetic reading it, but I think it's really more of a behavioral Get Out of Jail Free maneuver. I dunno.

funny you mention that, since we had a tiny episode of the "I'm sorry" thing yesterday, but before, I'll say I also think it's the kid's get ouf of jail free maneuver, as they see that it works and is well seen to say they're sorry.

The episode was with Andrew, our 9yo son yesterday after dinner. As he was bringing his plate to the counter, just having finished eating, he let out a big belch, you know a good big burp and immediately went with the usual "I'm sorry" but not as if he felt it, not like "oops, sorry, didn't feel it coming" more like, "I did a big one, but I'll say I'm sorry and I'll be off the hook". No need to say that to me, this is absolutely unacceptable and I told him so, using the coined phrase "just because you say you're sorry doesn't mean it was okay to do it"...

FM

[sachmo71]

my son has decided he likes putting my toothbrush and flossing tool in his "spaceship" (our treadmill in storage mode). Makes for some long mornings sometimes.

[Suburban Rhythm]

New to this thread...some might remember reading my earlier work on my visiting mother-in-law.

Looking for advice on this one.

The family consists of me (30) wife (30)--who is preg with bundle of joy #2, a boy due in Sept-- and Lucy, who will be 2 in June.

Any other parents out there have experience with night terrors?

This is a relatively new occurance for us. In the last month or so, on and off, Lucy will wake up about 1 or 2 in the morning, screaming uncontrollably. When I get out of bed, and make it to her room...never know what I'll find. Sometimes she's lying there, normally...other times sitting up...but always the same bawling. But, we believe these are night terrors because, best we can tell, she has no idea what is going on.

If she's lying there, I'll rub her back, say "It's OK"...but she has no idea, nor does she open her eyes. This will go on anywhere from 30 seconds for up to 5-10 minutes. She'll finally figure out what is going on, "wake up", and stand up with her arms out to pick her up. 2 minutes later, she's giggling and laughing (also not the greatest at 2 am), like nothing ever happened.

Anyone else have tricks for dealing with this?
As I said...some weeks it is 1 night...others, 3-4 in a row.

[WSUCougar]

All I can say is that I feel your pain and hang in there. There are no tricks that I know of, anyway.

My son (Drew, 4) is still periodically waking in the middle of the night and crying loudly for fear of "being all by myself." But I know that's better than what you're dealing with.