I feel like a moron.. [Archive] - Front Office Football Central

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withinaroomsomewhere

11-11-2005, 04:39 AM

I am a long-time member and frequent poster. I just didn't want to post this under my normal name, knowing that..it's something that I wanted to share, but..just not to be identified to me at this point to everyone. So, sorry for the alias.

But it's late, I'm sorta in a tizzy after a long night and a call and well..I guess I just wanted to vent.

So..here's the story.

Almost two years ago in January, a friend at the time..that I'd known off and on for years...called me as she did from time to time. Basically, she called to tell me that she had been raped two weeks before by a guy she'd met online, that he left her there and that no one would believe her, but she needed to talk and to get away.

So, I told her to come up and visit me at school where I was at the time. We went to a bookstore, talked on the way there and back at my house too..but I didn't want to focus or dwell on it too much especially if it was seemingly too painful.

She asked me if she could stay and I figured she would since it was a few hours back to her school. I went to bed. She soon followed. Now let me make it clear that I have and had absolutely no material interest in this woman save for being a friend. And she outweighed me by at least 75 pounds.

I woke up with my pants off and penis hanging out. She said "I want you to take me." I wasn't fully awake. But I said "uh, what?"

"I want you to take me, now."

"What the hell are you doing? I don't want to.."

She pushes me back and I bang my head on the back of the metal part of my bedframe (it was just a sofa bed and the mattress sucked..) but I wasn't out cold or anything. Basically, she put me inside of her. I pushed her and implored her to get off, but..she was on top of me and wasn't going far. She held my hands down and I wasn't sure what the hell to do, since..well..I just hadn't even had to deal with this before.

"You can't do this. C'mon, this is crazy." I said to her.

She spent about two more minutes having her way.

She rolled off and went downstairs to have a cigarette.

She came back and said nothing about what had happened. I asked her to leave that morning and she did.

A month later and after not talking to her at all, she came back to tell me she was pregnant and that she was keeping it.

I told her that I didn't want anything to do with the kid, but that I'd give her money. But that I wanted her out of my life.

She's still around, nagging and basically telling me that I'm a bad person, for putting her in this situation.

Uh, what? She's lied to everyone and told them the whole thing was consenual. I haven't - ever - told anyone the entire story or the real story until now. Because I feel like a fucking retard. Like an idiot, even. For being in this situation.

Why the hell did I let her come there? I felt like a big pussy (pardon the term) for letting it all happen. I never should've talked to her again.

I've seen the kid twice, since he was born a year ago. I resent him. I don't want to hate him and I don't. I just wish it had never happened. There is nothing on earth that I wish I could erase more than this. I begged her to do open adoption. I was just a student - still am - and she was too. She was broke and went to live with her parents. I work and send her basically everything I make.

I dunno.

I just...I know this is an unbelievable story. It's not even a good thing that I'm talking about it, but...I talked to her tonight again after not for a while - I send money - just trying to distance myself from it and trying to get my life to a place where I feel like I can truly be happy. Be sane or something.

And I dunno. No matter what happens, I still feel like the biggest asshole for ever having let it happen.

And I don't really know what to do. Or if it even makes sense.

So..I posted this.

Antmeister

11-11-2005, 04:58 AM

withinaroomsomewhere

11-11-2005, 05:09 AM

Wow! Don't know where to start this and definitely don't know how to appropriately end this. First of all I would definitely get a test to even verify that the child is yours. Just from reading this post, it just appears to me that the girl may be unstable. If anything, it will give you a piece of mind to know that the child is/isn't yours. Especially when it was said that she was raped by an online contact. I mean there are so many possibilities right now since she appears to be doing a lot of illogical things.

And that leads me to your side of the equation. Do you know for sure the child is yours and you are basically sending money to avoid child support or are you just assuming this to be the case? Now as far as talking to someone and trying to help them out, I don't see how you could have predicted what would come next.

There is just so much going on in this story that just doesn't make sense and I am not sure if stuff is being held back for a reason.

I knew her. We'd dated like four years before that, for a total of two weeks. In the following years, we'd talk. She didn't live nearby for years, but then earlier that semester she'd moved to about 3 hours away. She'd come to visit before and nothing happened.

I had a girlfriend, though we were on a "break" at that time, but we'd been together off and on for years at that point, so it wasn't even like I wanted to be with someone else, but certainly not this particular person if you think that. I told her about it as soon as the girl came to tell me what happened and she assumed as soon as I told her the story that she was making up the rape story and all that. Her story didn't make sense to me, to be honest. But I didn't want to dismiss it, since you never do with something like that. At least, I didn't. It was just a really crappy situation and I just felt like she'd come, I'd talk to her or whatever and she was crying and all that. So..yeah.

But when he came up, she was seemingly fine. So given that she sorta bottles stuff up, I didn't really prod too much. Just let her talk when she wanted to or whatever. We didn't have a really deep conversation or anything, we just talked peripherally since I didn't want to prod. It wasn't really until after the whole thing went down with her getting pregnant and then months later, that I started getting angry, then I started prodding her to tell me stuff. She's seemingly deluded herself into believe that we wanted to do this and everyone who knows me, like..even in short conversations, knows that I had absolutely no interest in such a thing and if I was gonna have a kid or have sex with someone..it damn sure wouldn't have been with her.

I didn't believe that it was mine. For the longest time. Like the dates never matched up or anything. But a DNA test we got shortly after the kid was born indicated that he was mine, last year. So that's when I started sending money after that point.

I feel like it doesn't matter because i had no business letting her be anywhere near me. My apartment then was basically a large room and I slept in that room. I had a mattress too, that I slept on, but that night.. I just slept in the sofabed and I let her too, but I guess mainly because she was trying to talk (though I fell asleep in the middle of the conversation) and I just didn't think anything of it.

That was stupid too. I don't know why I felt the need to bring this up in here of all places. I think..I just felt stupid and of the few people who know about the situation, none really knew the details and I guess if I was going to get shit for being an idiot, I would rather get it from people I didn't know. I dunno.

withinaroomsomewhere

11-11-2005, 05:13 AM

It wasn't until months later that it all started to make sense. A comment she'd made a month before in a phone call, where we were just talking late at night - as we would do sometimes - where she goes "you know, we would've had cute kids." and i admitted that she was right, with reservations. (mainly because i was like..yeah, but that ain't happening) but I honestly thought nothing of it at the time. I mean, why would I have? I knew about her "internet" friend or whoever, but she said that he'd been emailing her and all this stuff.

Months later, I figured out her email password. (Yes, bad..but...I was pretty upset at the time) I read her emails and saw nothing from said individual in any of her email. Just one email about something random earlier that December. That's when it registered that she might have been making it up. Other inconsistences too that aren't relevant.

Ultimately, she was hung on me for years after we'd broken up. Largely because it was always long-distance we just talked a lot and so..I think that over those years, it made things linger for her.

I try not to talk to her much at all, mainly to get distance from it all.

Once, a few months ago she once told me "I knew that night I was going to get pregnant" and I didn't know what she was trying to say, exactly. But..I just left it alone.

Ultimately, I'm wrong for even letting it happen and that's not the kid's fault - I know. I think I was just venting and now I sorta feel "out there" in a sense and the more I read it, I look at it myself and go "there has to be more" or "yeah, right. sure you were guy." And so..I don't blame anyone else for feeling that way or getting that if they did.

stevew

11-11-2005, 05:21 AM

If it were me, i would do everything possible to get custody....I wouldnt want my offspring being raised by a crazy like her. If you work a normal 9-5, the cost of day care for your child couldnt be that much more than what you pay in child support. Or if you dont want to go that route, you should at least try to have more contact with your child, get on a regular visitation schedule. I think it would make you feel a lot better about the situation.

Antmeister

11-11-2005, 05:26 AM

Ok, first of all, I just don't see where you were stupid for inviting some you knew to your apartment to talk since she was an alleged rape victim. I still don't see how you view that as a mistake. Sure you didn't know that would happen, but no one would have predicted that would have happened.

Now as far as the child is concerned......wow! So you did have a DNA test. Now as much as you would like to distance yourself from the child, I have a feeling that you will regret that in your later years. So you should really put a lot of thought into that one. In my honest opinion, if you still hold a lot of anger and resentment, you shouldn't be near that child, because that definitlely won't help anything, but if you are feeling any guilt or even some confusion, I think you need to spend some time with the child and the evaluate the situation. This does not mean that you should get with her, but this could mean that you may feel more inclined to be a part of the child's life.

Now there is another part of the story that has bothered me, but since I have never been in the situation, this is only speculation. But how in the heck was she able to perform sex if you had no interest in her whatsoever. Fear and disinterest are usually two deterents when it comes to this matter, but I do remember that you said that you were awakened by this. I mean the only reason why the story seems weird is that an alleged rape victim basically raped you.

CraigSca

11-11-2005, 05:35 AM

Are you in therapy over this? A therapist will help you through a lot of this...

stevew

11-11-2005, 05:43 AM

One of my college friends woke up with a girl(one that ran in the social circle, but not his girlfriend, or anyone he was interested in) on top of him during a party. Needless to say, he was very worried for the next month or so that she would be pregnant. It took him a long time to get cool with the situation.

Icy

11-11-2005, 06:36 AM

I feel very weird too that you could have sex with her without you agreeing. Basically you said that you were raped, and it's not like a women that can be raped by forcing her legs open (even with a lot of pain for her), but a man? you need an erection (not full one needed) to penetrate her, and i doubt you can get an erection in a situation like that when you are being forced, then you need also to ejaculate inside of her (not always orgarsm of full ejaculation needed). Also i doubt that you wake up and she was already with you inside of her as you would have wake up as soon as he started to touch you to put inside of her. I'm sorry for the sex details i gave, i have tried to do it in a non offensive manner.
<O:p

After what i posted above, i would really doubt the kid was yours, but if the DNA says so... anyway i would repeat the test in another place.<O:p></O:p>

If the kid is really yours, well as some said i would try to get the custody if you're interested on him, as she looks like an unstable woman. If you're not interested on him but want to keep sending money as you feel that he is part fo you, do it, but be really careful about the use that money is being given. Try to visit the kid and see if all is ok about his education, health care etc. It wouldn't surprise me if that woman spends it on another thing.<O:p></O:p>

Again i'm not sure about what happened that night, it's hard to believe for me that you were raped without you wanting it, one thing is to not to want it before or never have thought about it, and another thing is to not to help it happen after the initial surprise. There is a big difference on that imho. Of course i'm not trying to judge you, but it's a really weird situation and hard to explain as you know so we can't offer you a lot of advice as it's not something we can have experience or have info from other successes like that.<O:p

CraigSca

11-11-2005, 07:50 AM

Icy

11-11-2005, 08:01 AM

Wait a sec - no one's ever heard of a man being raped? I admit it's rare, but it's possible.

Ever wake up with an erection? Perhaps she used that...one the friction begins, what are you going to do. If a man says "no", a man says "no". Why is it any different than when a woman says "no" yet her body (physiologically) is saying "yes"?
It can happen if she is way stronger than you or if she uses a weapon to force you, and she could make you oral sex or force you to do it, or to push your pennis against her vagina for her to have an orgasm, but you can't be forced to get exited. Of course i havent' ever been raped so i can't be 100% sure about that, but i doubt i would get exicited. Also if you're sleeping, won't you notice when she put off your pants/underwear, climbs over you, takes your penis etc? Then you don't sleep, you're dead.

Also i don eat that a man can't say no once the action starts, that is a machist bullshit about men not being able to control their sex excitement while women can. I really doubt that a man/woman can get phisicaly excited when he/she is getting raped, your brain is stronger than your body, specially in extreme emotional situations like a rape. The difference is that a non excited women can be penetrated with brute force, while a man can't penetrate without erection and not wanting to do it.

CraigSca

11-11-2005, 08:27 AM

It can happen if she is way stronger than you or if she uses a weapon to force you, and she could make you oral sex or force you to do it, or to push your pennis against her vagina for her to have an orgasm, but you can't be forced to get exited. Of course i havent' ever been raped so i can't be 100% sure about that, but i doubt i would get exicited. Also if you're sleeping, won't you notice when she put off your pants/underwear, climbs over you, takes your penis etc? Then you don't sleep, you're dead.

Also i don eat that a man can't say no once the action starts, that is a machist bullshit about men not being able to control their sex excitement while women can. I really doubt that a man/woman can get phisicaly excited when he/she is getting raped, your brain is stronger than your body, specially in extreme emotional situations like a rape. The difference is that a non excited women can be penetrated with brute force, while a man can't penetrate without erection and not wanting to do it.
Wait a second - I'm no expert, but aren't there different forms of rape? If a girl keeps saying no, but is sexually excited and you have sex with her anyway, isn't that rape? If a man says no...though he is excited and she doesn't stop - isn't THAT rape?

Again, I'm not on the cutting edge of this social question, but it was my impression that the new definition of rape is sex without consent. It doesn't HAVE to be overtly violent, or have a weapon involved. I'm just throwing this out there - am I correct in my assessment or has the definition passed me by?

Icy

11-11-2005, 08:45 AM

Wait a second - I'm no expert, but aren't there different forms of rape? If a girl keeps saying no, but is sexually excited and you have sex with her anyway, isn't that rape? If a man says no...though he is excited and she doesn't stop - isn't THAT rape?

Again, I'm not on the cutting edge of this social question, but it was my impression that the new definition of rape is sex without consent. It doesn't HAVE to be overtly violent, or have a weapon involved. I'm just throwing this out there - am I correct in my assessment or has the definition passed me by?
Probably we could arge a lot about it without ever agreeing as there is a very thin line. Imho if you're saying no! while you move in and out to get an orgasm, you're agreing to it. If you say no! while trying to avoid it, then you're being raped. But again there is a very thin line.

sachmo71

11-11-2005, 08:46 AM

trust no one

Raiders Army

11-11-2005, 09:11 AM

Be the ball.

Greyroofoo

11-11-2005, 09:57 AM

and isn't having sex while they're too drunk to consent rape also?

Klinglerware

11-11-2005, 10:26 AM

Lorena

11-11-2005, 10:37 AM

Withinaroom, where does your child live? Do you and that woman have a common friend that might know how she and the child are doin'? She sounds very unstable and I wouldn't doubt if she uses that money for something else. Instead of giving her money, have you considered buying the kid diapers or clothes? A woman like that should not be trusted and you just never know where this money is going.

If you guys have a mutual friend, he/she might help you get a better grasp of the situation with the child.

I feel for you man... it does sound like rape. You did mention she was like 75 lbs heavier and held your hands down.

DanGarion

11-11-2005, 10:39 AM

Actually, if I remember my physiology classes from years ago (again, a pretty hazy memory), guys can get erections in their sleep several times per night. Nothing to do with sexual excitement, just a normal physiological response. It is certainly possible that the woman used one of those episodes--withinaroom did mention that he was awoken with her already on top of him...
And at that moment he should have started thinking about his mom.

Dutch

11-11-2005, 10:59 AM

I wouldn't know where to turn either if that happened to me. Is a therapist the way to go? The police? A friend? Family?

I think that's the first question you need an answer to. Who can/should you confide in. Having somebody else guide you through is so much better than trying to tough it out alone.

Just my .02.

stevew

11-11-2005, 11:24 AM

Yeah, what Big John said about support. I hope you are documenting everything support wise, cause you definately won't want to have to pay a bunch of back support. If not, do it now. She could get pissed at you, and depending on the state, you could virtually have to prove every payment. They hit "deadbeat dads" up big time these days, It would suck to have that on your record.

Mustang

11-11-2005, 11:33 AM

At the very least you should get the support payments set up thru the court so that she doesn't come after you in a few years and claim you gave her nothing (happened to me.)

I'd get a Lawyer and still ask for a test first before signing anything (or giving over any money) I don't view that as putting off your responsibilities just protecting yourself. I'd imagine that if you started handing over cash, people would just assume you agree that it is your child.

Desnudo

11-11-2005, 12:13 PM

Probably we could arge a lot about it without ever agreeing as there is a very thin line. Imho if you're saying no! while you move in and out to get an orgasm, you're agreing to it. If you say no! while trying to avoid it, then you're being raped. But again there is a very thin line.

You all are arguing about something that's already happened. Rape or not, the guy has got a kid.

sterlingice

11-11-2005, 12:55 PM

wade moore

11-11-2005, 01:13 PM

I find it insane that there are people actually going the "you were asking for it" route... blows my mind...

Mustang

11-11-2005, 01:18 PM

That begs an interesting question. If there's a kid by means of rape, does he even have a legal responsibility to support the kid? And if so, why the hell should he? He didn't want the kid, he resisted, and was forced to have it. Any support should be strictly voluntary.

Considering the difficulties women have with getting guys convicted, I'd assume it would be almost impossible for a guy to prove rape.. and especially if he only brought up rape after a child was born. If he would have went right away to the authorities.. then maybe but now it just looks like he is trying to come up with an excuse.

Mr. Wednesday

11-11-2005, 02:15 PM

That begs an interesting question. If there's a kid by means of rape, does he even have a legal responsibility to support the kid? And if so, why the hell should he? He didn't want the kid, he resisted, and was forced to have it. Any support should be strictly voluntary.The responsibility is to the kid, who is there whether he wanted one or not. Somebody needs to be responsible for the kid.

Edit: I mean, it's not as if the kid made a conscious decision to be born into the situation...

sterlingice

11-11-2005, 02:16 PM

The responsibility is to the kid, who is there whether he wanted one or not. Somebody needs to be responsible for the kid.

Edit: I mean, it's not as if the kid made a conscious decision to be born into the situation... Yes, but let's go out on a limb and say he could prove the rape was how the kid was conceived. Shouldn't she be on the hook entirely for the expenses of the kid?

EDIT: Isn't the whole concept of child support is that there is equal responsibility because both parties participated in the conception of the child? However, when one is an unwilling party, shouldn't that absolve him/her of that responsibility?

SI

Pumpy Tudors

11-11-2005, 02:23 PM

I got the impression from withinaroomsomewhere's posts that he really doesn't want the kid. I mean, I know he doesn't want to kill the child or anything, but I think he'd prefer adoption over having custody and trying to raise it himself. It sounds like adoption would be best for the child (although I don't have kids and don't claim to KNOW what's best for them). The only reason I think he should be looking for custody is so that he can give the child up. Of course, the kid is a year old now and is probably very well attached to his mother.

Regardless of the circumstances that led to this child, it's the care of this kid that's the most important thing right now. Of course, until the father comes to terms with all of the events that have happened, I'm not so sure that he's ready to take care of the child right now.

DaddyTorgo

11-11-2005, 05:53 PM

what you NEED to do is go see a lawyer. what you should have done is called the police, because you were raped. Yeah I know that's something that people say can't happen to guys, but as we see here, it clearly can. Now without any physical evidence or anything, what you NEED to do is go and see a lawyer and find out what your options are in order to get yourself out of the situation of having to pay child support for this kid. Also, make sure if you can't get out of it that she takes a DNA test...anyone else get the feeling she might have thought the rapist got her pregnant and then just wanted to pin the baby on you?

ThunderingHERD

11-12-2005, 01:23 AM

What I don't understand is how you wake up, get thrown around and mounted by some crazy fat chick("she outweighed me by at least 75 pounds."), yet manage to ejaculate within minutes ("she spent about two more minutes having her way").

ThunderingHERD

11-12-2005, 01:38 AM

Have you ever been inside some pussy?

Your johnson don't mind the circumstances, it's just gonna react.

I guess our johnsons are just going to have to agree to disagree.

ThunderingHERD

11-12-2005, 02:11 AM

If you stick your hand on a hot object you don't think: "My gosh! This object is quite hot. I really should take my hand away before the epidermus melts like scorched cheese." No. Your hand jumps away on its own.

Bad analogy. An orgasm is largely mental--I could sit around stroking my cock all day long and nothing would come of it unless I sexied it up with something. Pussy's no different in that requirement, it's just that usually when you're in it something sexy is going on: namely, sex. Personally, I don't find the idea of getting raped by a fat girl very sexy, but that's just me. I'm not saying that it would be physically impossible for her to get me off, but it damn sure would take some creativity and a lot more than a few minutes.

DanGarion

11-12-2005, 07:50 AM

Bad analogy. An orgasm is largely mental--I could sit around stroking my cock all day long and nothing would come of it unless I sexied it up with something. Pussy's no different in that requirement, it's just that usually when you're in it something sexy is going on: namely, sex. Personally, I don't find the idea of getting raped by a fat girl very sexy, but that's just me. I'm not saying that it would be physically impossible for her to get me off, but it damn sure would take some creativity and a lot more than a few minutes.
That's why I made the comment that he should have started thinking about his mom. (or the Golden Girls).