Two years later...

[digamma]

I apologize if I ramble. I'm really not sure what I'm trying to say here, but I really wanted to post something.

I fly home tomorrow morning on the second anniversary of my dad's and brother's deaths. Most of you lived that experience with me, so again I offer my thanks for your support during that time. I look back on those days following January 13, 2004, with a surreal fondness. Of course, I was hurting, but at the same time, I was able to let myself "feel" things, and I think others had the same sort of experience. I said and heard "I love you" a lot. I gave and received a lot of hugs. And despite everything, I felt strangely empowered--and I think I owe that to the wonderful support we received.

I had a friend who recently lost his dad very suddenly. My advice to him was to soak in as much in the days following his dad's passing as he could stand. That may seem strange, because in some sense, you go into survival mode--you're numb and simply going through the motions. But, taking that moment to look around, to listen to what others were saying about my dad and brother, to say a few things about them myself, to really feel things made all the difference. In a way, those days were the easiest of the whole experience.

So, two years later, what happens? Everything keeps moving. We all float on, if you will.

I try to take a moment each day to remember my dad and brother. I think a lot about my brother standing at the top of the steps, and what must have gone through his mind, as he made that decision to race down the stairs to help my dad. I wonder what I would have done if I had been in his place. I hope I would have made the same decision, but in truth, I still can't really imagine what he went through. He is my hero.

I think about my dad--his strength and compassion. His willingness to open the door to a stranger. His valor in the struggle. The misfortune of a lucky shot from a sad kid flaling his arms with a gun. But, I too think about the respect shown my dad following that night. He's had a wrestling tournament and a gymnasium named after him. Last night I found out that he will be inducted into the National Wrestling Hall of Fame (http://www.wrestlinghalloffame.org) this May. My dad, too, is my hero.

But, I move on too. I tell my wife I love her each day. I try to talk to my family and friends more, though we all get busy and three hour time differences can be difficult to overcome. I try to take it off of autopilot and recapture that ability to feel.

Some of you may have noticed the signature I've had for the last few months. It's a link to a web site (http://www.coachvandbill.com) I created as a tribute to my dad and brother. If you feel inclined, take a look. Remember them with me. Remember your own loved ones. And stop and take a moment to feel.

[Ben E Lou]

I was at the school at lunch today, Stephen. There's a blood drive going on in their honor. Big Cameron Reed was wearing the pin with their pictures on it like he always does.

Press on, Stephen. Press on.

If you weren't around and missed the initial thread...

http://www.operationsports.com/fofc/showthread.php?t=20207&highlight=venable

Also, a search on "Venable" reveals many related threads and discussions.

[Senator]

I think of your dad and brother alot. The god awful randomness of it, has never left my mind. You are strong guy, and I admire that. I don't know if I would have taken it as healthy as you have. My inclination still to this day, is why did this happen? It is a silly and useless endeavor, but that is what comes into my mind. Mostly, anger. Those guys were walking the straight path, and in my opinion, should have been let to continue it. God Bless your family.

[WSUCougar]

Personally, I'll never forget that period either. It was made memorable to me in the sense that the distance, separation, and coldness of the Internet dissolved to produce the kick-in-the-stomach grief that I felt for you, digamma (whom I've never met other than here).

Hang tough and God bless.

[Ben E Lou]

My inclination still to this day, is why did this happen? It is a silly and useless endeavor, but that is what comes into my mind.I wouldn't call it silly and useless at all. It is a difficult, difficult thing. When writing the song about the whole deal, it was relatively easy to resist the urge to try to give an answer as to why, when the reality is that the answer (and should be) unresolved.

[PackerFanatic]

I wasn't around during the time but that memorial site is really nice and after reading about it, it is just a very terrible tradegy. My thoughts and prayers are still with you and your family, man. Keep on praying and enjoying the life you have :)

[Draft Dodger]

it's been 5 years this December since I lost my father, and I still have times when I struggle with it, which kind of surprised me. I guess I just thought you pop up to remind you of the loss (like reading this thread, for example). You are right, though - it sure does make you cherish what you have a hell of a lot more.

great site. it's a great tribute to your father and brother.

[DanGarion]

From someone in your wife's extended Time Warner family (Time Warner Cable) you and your family will be in my thoughts.

[JonInMiddleGA]

Thanks Stephen, for a lot of stuff really, but especially today for taking the time to share this with us.

[JeeberD]

Has it been two years already? Wow...

I'm glad to see that you've been able to make so much out a horrible situation, di. My father told me the other day that his leukemia that's been in remission for about a year and a half looks like it's coming back, and I hope that if/when it takes him that I'll be able to use it to inspire me as well...

[Subby]

digamma -

I have about as much respect and admiration for you as anyone I have ever known over the Internet. You are a level-headed, smart, friendly person that just seems to "get it."

Your handling of what is a simply awful tragedy never ceases to inspire me. I have trouble articulating it really...I guess I'll just say thanks and god bless you and your family.

[GrantDawg]

You were and are never far from my prayers.

[MIJB#19]

The memory site you've made is a welcome addition to the worldwide web. I visited it a couple of days ago and once again had the flashbacks back to the time this was all over the forum, and yet realized that I (to be honest: thankfully) couldn't possibly imagine what you and your family and friends went through. It's good to read you found your way to give a special place in your heart to the loved onces who are no longer physically nearby. I could wish you the best of luck in finding a way to live with it, but it looks like you found your way already. Keep your head up.

[Eaglesfan27]

The grace and dignity that you have exhibited through what must be a tremendous ordeal is awe inspiring. This post really makes me re-think how I'm dealing with a difficult personal situation. Thank you for sharing this.

[Karlifornia]

I'm glad you're hanging in there, man. It's something everyone can learn from.

[vtbub]

Words cannot express the sadness and shock of losing your father that way.

Please take great comfort that he and your brother must be very proud of you.

[Emiliano]

Stephen, I really admire you as a person. Hang in there man, and be strong. My thoughts are with you, and with all your family.

[digamma]

Two years after posting this and four years since losing my dad and brother...just a note to take a moment to remember them.

[JeeberD]

Really hard to believe that it's been four years. They're in my thoughts, di...

And sadly, I almost have the same thing to say again.

Has it been two years already? Wow...

I'm glad to see that you've been able to make so much out a horrible situation, di. My father told me the other day that his leukemia that's been in remission for about a year and a half looks like it's coming back, and I hope that if/when it takes him that I'll be able to use it to inspire me as well...

After going through chemo and having his leukemia go into remission again, it's back for a third time and Dad is about to start a new, experimental treatment at MD Anderson in Houston in a few weeks...

[Oilers9911]

I was not here on FOFC at that time so all I can say is that I salute you Digamma for your strength and courage and I guess the ultimate compliment I can give is to say that your dad and brother seem like people that anyone would be proud to know.

[cougarfreak]

That's terrible, and your brother was a true hero.

[GrantDawg]

I still think of them often, Di. They will be remembered always.

[Dutch]

digamma,

I can't think of a single time when I have seen your screen name, that I didn't think of your father and brother. Even if it's just the smallest of consolations, you can take solace knowing that when I see your screenname, it evokes memories of compassion for the tragedy that struck your family and a deep respect for you for the way you have had to deal with this most cruel twist of fate. I can't offer you anything but my continued deepest sympathies. My prayers are for you.

[sachmo71]

You are in my thoughts, Digamma.

[Ben E Lou]

I have a framed pic of Bill and his football classmates on the field after defeating Troup to earn Tucker's first trip to the Dome. They're all beaming, of course. The photograph is signed by every one of those smiling faces, except one. It stands as a most poignant reminder to me of how fleeting life can be.

[EagleFan]

I can't believe it's been two years already. I admire how you have made it through such a difficult situation which interupted your life, and the lives of your family members, without warning.

[King of New York]

Digamma,

The website is a wonderful tribute to two people who clearly meant a lot to many, many people. You might not have your brother and dad here with you anymore, but no one can ever take away the pride that you can feel in being their son and brother. Peace.

[oliegirl]

I also think of you, your father and brother, and remember that time often. I have my own very close connection to this tragedy, separate and ironic from knowing you through the board. It was so senseless and affected so many people. You are in my thoughts and prayers during this time of the year.

[digamma]

Little more on this today...

My brother's favorite song was The Middle by Jimmy Eat World. I'll be damned if this wasn't the first song playing when I started my car this afternoon. Neat little reminder.

Then after my wife and I finished a late lunch, we randomly noticed a sign for a blood drive going on at the churce across the street from where we ate. They were shutting things down, but we were able to be the last two to donate at the drive. Perfect way to spend the day.