terpkristin
03-10-2006, 07:03 PM
Apologies if this rambles, I'm pretty upset right now and writing while crying isn't easy...
So my great uncle Lou passed away yesterday. "Great uncle" in that he's truly my dad's uncle, but for as long as I can remember, he was been much more in my family than my true uncle (my dad's brother) is. My dad's parents died when I was 4 (his dad) and when I was 8 (his mom), and since then, we see next to nothing of his brother but made a point to see uncle Lou every time we headed north (I'm 26 now, so that's saying something).
His death wasn't unexpected...he'd been sick for awhile, and spent the last 2 and half weeks or so in hospice, so I knew the end was coming, but it still sucks to lose a member of your family. More than that, I can't imagine how my dad is holding up, seeing that it's the last person in his family we really talked to on a regular basis. I'm sure my mom is supporting him, but still...
My dad sent an email to us three kids (my brother, my sister, and I, I'm the oldest of the 3) asking us to write a message of condolence at the site for the funeral home (http://currentobituary.com/ShowObit.aspx?id=24948&member_id=5 ) and I'm so truly at a loss of what to say.
More than that, work is crazy right now and I've got a big presentation to make to our customer on Tuesday, and the funeral is Monday. My sister has school and can't really take off, and my brother just started a new job, and so I feel even more "responsible" to go, not only because I'm the oldest, but because I'm sure my mom could use some help with my dad. I remember what he was like when his mom died, and I can't imagine what this is like for him. But with work, with me having some massive deadlines coming up that I can't meet without going into the office, and with this customer meeting (a systems design review, pretty much one of the big landmarks in aerospace engineering that is a payment milestone), this is just an extraordinarily bad time for me to have to take off. I've been working 50 hours weeks and still it's hectic. So I'm torn there. My mom said, " if you want to fly into manchester for the funeral, you can, but we are not "requiring" it" and, "sweetie, it is really up to you. with a presentation the next day, it would not be the coice that I would make, but you know how you feel and how prepared you are better than I do," but I still feel like it's wrong for me not to go.
I hate funerals. We've had more than a few lately in my family (on my mom's side) and I break up completely. My mom, who had to bury her sister and her dad recently, has been much more solid than I've been...so maybe I wouldn't even be useful to my parents. I don't know.
Any thoughts on what I could write for the message of condolence? Any thoughts on what I should do about the funeral? I'll feel terrible if I don't go, and feel terrible for a variety of different reasons if I do.
/tk
So my great uncle Lou passed away yesterday. "Great uncle" in that he's truly my dad's uncle, but for as long as I can remember, he was been much more in my family than my true uncle (my dad's brother) is. My dad's parents died when I was 4 (his dad) and when I was 8 (his mom), and since then, we see next to nothing of his brother but made a point to see uncle Lou every time we headed north (I'm 26 now, so that's saying something).
His death wasn't unexpected...he'd been sick for awhile, and spent the last 2 and half weeks or so in hospice, so I knew the end was coming, but it still sucks to lose a member of your family. More than that, I can't imagine how my dad is holding up, seeing that it's the last person in his family we really talked to on a regular basis. I'm sure my mom is supporting him, but still...
My dad sent an email to us three kids (my brother, my sister, and I, I'm the oldest of the 3) asking us to write a message of condolence at the site for the funeral home (http://currentobituary.com/ShowObit.aspx?id=24948&member_id=5 ) and I'm so truly at a loss of what to say.
More than that, work is crazy right now and I've got a big presentation to make to our customer on Tuesday, and the funeral is Monday. My sister has school and can't really take off, and my brother just started a new job, and so I feel even more "responsible" to go, not only because I'm the oldest, but because I'm sure my mom could use some help with my dad. I remember what he was like when his mom died, and I can't imagine what this is like for him. But with work, with me having some massive deadlines coming up that I can't meet without going into the office, and with this customer meeting (a systems design review, pretty much one of the big landmarks in aerospace engineering that is a payment milestone), this is just an extraordinarily bad time for me to have to take off. I've been working 50 hours weeks and still it's hectic. So I'm torn there. My mom said, " if you want to fly into manchester for the funeral, you can, but we are not "requiring" it" and, "sweetie, it is really up to you. with a presentation the next day, it would not be the coice that I would make, but you know how you feel and how prepared you are better than I do," but I still feel like it's wrong for me not to go.
I hate funerals. We've had more than a few lately in my family (on my mom's side) and I break up completely. My mom, who had to bury her sister and her dad recently, has been much more solid than I've been...so maybe I wouldn't even be useful to my parents. I don't know.
Any thoughts on what I could write for the message of condolence? Any thoughts on what I should do about the funeral? I'll feel terrible if I don't go, and feel terrible for a variety of different reasons if I do.
/tk