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Flasch186
04-19-2006, 11:05 PM
So tomorrow I get to pick up my grandfather from the home and take him to the MAyo clinic for a myriad of tests but this is just the climax. Last December I got a call from his first alert that he had called 911. I rushed over to house to find that no one was there and all the lights were off. I then called 9/11 and they couldnt tell me jack crap but asked if Id like to have them send an ambulance. I told them that I thought that they already had but no one was there and I couldnt get int he house. So they send an ambulance. When the fire truck gets there the kid jumps off with this befuddled look and says to me, "Man...we were just here." So they explained that they picked the old man up off of the street and took him to the nearest hospital from his fall.

So the family met at St. luke's hospiital where he was in good spirts but gave us the whole hip hurts scare. So after a bunch of tests they figured out that he fractured his hip a little bit but that after about a month at the rehab facility he'll be better. so the next day they took him over to the rehab center which was.....AWFUL.

This rehab center had an unbelieveable spanning of people in different bad shape but I meta ton of characters. My grandpa was put in a room with another old old man attached to an air machine that made a racket at all times. I spent the next month trying to perfect the folded blankets under his machine to keep the noise down.

At first my grandfather's neighbor was a bit standoffish, well i guess I was cuz he was bed-ridden for the most part so eventually I broke down the walls and began speaking to him. come to find out his name was Dietrich Klein a fighter pilot for the third Reich!! My grandpa a Jewish American Soldier in WW2 in the same room with him. I swear it was unreal but in talking to him over the next month we became someone of friends.

One day I asked Dietrich what he does all day, and he meekly says, "stare at the back of my eyelids." I said well that wasnt going to work at all,, and he laughed. I asked him his favorite type of music and he said classical. The next day I bought him and grandpa CD players and a horde of batteries, and CD's. You shouldve seen him light up...I think he may have cried, grandpa...not so much, but Dietrich was over the moon. I taught the mostly blind man the buttons on the front since I bought the ones that looked the easiest with the biggest buttons and apparently it worked.

I would see dietrich tapping his toes (dancing), asleep in his wheelchair with the headphones on, etc. I guess his children who visit caught on and the next thing he knew he had a regular collection. One time he told me to take the head phones and listen to his favorite, an American old band that I cant remember the name of but he had his son burn me a copy, which he thought was neat.

Eventually granpa got moved to an assisted living facility but he has been headed downhill fast. He has bouts of dementia (we think unless the stories he tells about him needeing to press the button on his oxygen machine at exactly 900pm to turn control over the electricity to the main desk for the entire unit is true), a nasty rash that no one knew about, and he has been losing weight and how.

Come to find out that he simply is not getting enough calories, and I hate myself for it. I cant believe im tearing up but Im afraid that had he been getting enough calories he may have had a lot longer, I dunno. He might be able to come back, but I dont know and I dont know what to do cuz I do everything for everyone in my family and I just couldnt keep an eye out on him. I couldnt, thats not true....I didnt make enough time. I guess its part of the human condition, but I "felt" too busy but in retrospect right now, im realizing in typing this that I didnt make enough time. There are 24 hours in a day.

Wow, I didnt know that I felt this way until I got here in the letter, but who else am I supposed to tell this to. Im certainly not going to go crying like this to, really, anyone I know around here. Right now GF is in bed watching something on Tivo and I came in here to check the lotto numbers but I just started typing about tommorrow. Im dreading it.

The doctor used some term I dont rememeber that my mom told me described grandpa, and it is a word that they use to describe someone who looks like they came out of a concentration camp.....how could we allow that to happen!!!

wow...I cant believe how im crying. This is the first time in a long time. Im a pretty sensitive guy but most things dont bother me, but typing on here is like getting it out or something. This is not attention seeking and i dont care if you read this at all. honestly I dont know why I started typing it but now that Im into it, what else is there to do. I cant delete it, what do I title it? Ive been so ultrasensitized lately by some that Im not trying to be whoring for attention, but I guess this ended up being the definition of self-serving since I got something out of it, and maybe no one else did. I dunno.

he';s going to miss my wedding i think. here i go. I didnt cry at my other granparents funerals, but im crying now and he hasnt even passed away. He loves the Tigers and every year including this one he talks about how bad theyre going to be but deep down I know he holds out hope. I should go back to bed.

here he was on better days:

http://www.usfl-fof.com/house/grandpa.JPG

Flasch186
04-19-2006, 11:06 PM
i guess i could use a "cowboy up"

that was supposed to humorous

MacroGuru
04-19-2006, 11:51 PM
Hey, if you need to talk, PM me, I have the same experiences happening with 2 grandparents in my life.

The one is my grandfather that I lived with from 15 to 18, he just celebrated his 90th, but I doubt he remembers it, he had a stroke last year that about killed me to see him in his state.

The other is my wifes grandmother, and we have turned into her "favorite" grandchildren, why? Cause i give her grief, just playing and joking with her.

It's rough, and I will never say cowboy up in a situation like this....honestly, if you want to, PM me.

33sherman
04-20-2006, 12:07 AM
Great post. It's hard to say goodbye.

I miss my grandparents.

Lathum
04-20-2006, 12:17 AM
I don't have any of mine left. Someday I hope to have a son and name him after my grandpa but my girlfriend/future wife won't go for the name Irving.

digamma
04-20-2006, 12:22 AM
I'll be thinking of you. Thanks for sharing.

Marc Vaughan
04-20-2006, 02:28 AM
I cried like a baby when my mums mother passed away, yet was bizarrely immune to passing of my other grand parents - I think certain people in your life do truly touch you and help mould your life, either through their love or simply being a guiding influence and constant in your life.

When someone like this leaves you its hard to adjust to, but it does become easier as time passes ..

(damn its early in the morning to be having deep and meaningful conversations, heck I've only had one cup of coffee so far ;) )

Neuqua
04-20-2006, 02:34 AM
My grandfather just turned 101 in January, and he's fighting like hell to make it to 102 so I share your pain as well.

Let me know if you need anything.

Flasch186
04-20-2006, 06:21 AM
I don't have any of mine left. Someday I hope to have a son and name him after my grandpa but my girlfriend/future wife won't go for the name Irving.


:) thats his name, Irving Flaschen. I tried to talk GF into letting me name the first born son Indiana after him. Its a first letter thing.

Thanks for the kind words. Crying a bit helped I guess, I feel better about going over there today.

Eaglesfan27
04-20-2006, 09:59 AM
Losing my favorite grandfather has been the hardest thing I've gone through in my life. I still blame myself some days for not being there for him in the last few weeks (I was 1500 miles or so away down here in New Orleans.) Thank you for sharing, and I hope the visit goes well today.

Flasch186
04-20-2006, 10:29 PM
Well, here is how today went. I went over to the clinic and got there before granpa showed up. They put him in a wheelchair and I took him up to floor 4 to see Dr. Lookingbill. I checked us in and took us into the waiting room where granpa and me talked a bit and some hispanic lady that grandpa called Mullato a little too loudly tried to control her small child, one time smacking his head against a chair accidentally.

Grandpa likes to mix naps into our conversations. Right in the middle of a sentence he'll doze off. One time allowing drool to escape his mouth onto his sweater.

Finally we got called and went to room 15 where the nurse asked what we were in for. Rashes. So she asked where and granpa proceeded to point to both legs and then his back so she said off with all of your clothes. He unbuttoned one button and said it was an igloo and could she do something about it. She said she would bring a blanket which she did. However, he determined that she actually never told him to take his clothes off and that he would not do so until the doctor showed up. I couldnt argue as I then received an important phone call from my project manager.

[deleted section as it was off topic]

Anyways, grandpa took this time to nap...he has sleep apnea and claims he doesnt ever sleep.

When the doc came in it turned out that grandpa was right, and his clothes were not much of a hindrence. Turns out the rash is simply caused by dry skin and he gave us 2 different creams that need be put on. One when he gets out of the shower, all over...and one on the rashes everyday.

They cleaned up the wound on grandpas arm which looked rally wierd. I guess at that age your skin maybe doesnt look attached ot the meat anymore...so he bumped his arm and its like the skin got torn open but the under-skin? didnt...it was wierd but they cleaned that up....

Then the doc pointed out 4 spots on pop's head that he said were precancers. one on his ear too....so he took out the freeze stuff and froze them. Oh boy, grandpa yelled, and howled but took it like a champ otherwise.

After that granpa urgently had to go to the bathroom whihc is the worst. I stand in there and the stench is terrible. Worse is that he is an awful wiper now and usually, like today he gets crap all over his hands. Which I then have to help him wash in the sink. Its terrible but what else can you do. He hates it more than I do I know but we do the best we can.

I wish there was more we could do but Im feeling better today now that I see him eating - we ate lunch together and I kept bringing him more stuff even though he ALWAYS says its cold even if I see it steaming on his plate.

Thanks for listening if you read this and the kind words are appriciated as alot of you I truly respect.

Eaglesfan27
04-20-2006, 10:40 PM
Good luck dealing with this difficult time. You and your family are in my prayers.

SegRat
04-20-2006, 11:26 PM
Good luck Flasch. I am not going to get into details, but when my Grandmother passed away I took it really hard because I didnt spend enough time with her. That is one of very few things in life I wish could change.

ice4277
04-21-2006, 07:53 AM
Good luck Flasch. I am not going to get into details, but when my Grandmother passed away I took it really hard because I didnt spend enough time with her. That is one of very few things in life I wish could change.

I am kind of going through this right now as well. Flasch, you are a good guy to be doing what you are doing. A lot of people (including myself at times unfortunately :() are more interesting in finding excuses to avoid doing this kind of thing than in actually doing it. I pray that everything works out well for your grandfather. PM me at any time if you need to chat about it.

TroyF
04-21-2006, 08:06 AM
I feel for you man.

For those who remember, I moved back to Colorado to spend more time with my grandfather. The 4+ years have been worth it to me beyond anything I could have ever imagined.

He's been doing horribly sinse Thanksgiving. He collapsed at Thanksgiving dinner and has been taken to the emergency room 9 times in the last four months. It's by far and away the toughest thing I've ever had to deal with. Having to tell him he was going to assisted living and would have to leave the home he'd stayed at for 40 years was gut wrenching.

I've been traveling from work to the hospital nearly everyday and it's mentally draining. You get home and just want to dissapear. The latest incident was Wednesday night when he was called in because his blood pressure took a nose dive and they thought he may have had a stroke.

The 3 AM trip to the hospital marked the 5th time during this process where it looked like he was gone, only to make a recovery. He's gotta be the toughest SOB I've ever seen. Blood clots, phenmonia (I butchered that, I know), more blood clots, heart anuerism (sorry, I don't have time to spell check this), a stroke, another smaller stroke. . .

My prayers are with you. You ever need to talk, just PM me. I understand how mentally wearing it is. Good luck.

Klinglerware
04-21-2006, 09:08 AM
Hang in there, Flasch.

I sort of understand what you are going through. My grandfather died yesterday and my grandmother (same side) died 11 days ago. My mother, is obviously devastated to be losing both of her parents in such a short period of time.

I wasn't very close to either of my grandparents, so as crass as it may seem, I feel a little weird, but not so much sadness. I was finally going to introduce my long-time girlfriend to them next month, and I was hoping that they would make it. It is saddening for me that my girlfriend won't have a chance to meet them.

Good luck...

Flasch186
06-13-2006, 08:34 AM
he passed this morning, overnight in his sleep. RIP HE was a good man

SirFozzie
06-13-2006, 08:39 AM
My condolences, Flasch/ SOunds like he had a life well-led.

Franklinnoble
06-13-2006, 08:39 AM
Damn.... sorry to hear that, Flasch. I'll say a prayer for your family.

RedKingGold
06-13-2006, 08:41 AM
My condolences, Flasch...

MacroGuru
06-13-2006, 09:07 AM
Sorry to hear that man....always remember the good times.

TroyF
06-13-2006, 09:13 AM
Sorry to hear that. My condolences.

SnDvls
06-13-2006, 09:21 AM
Our thoughts are with you

FrogMan
06-13-2006, 09:23 AM
:(

wade moore
06-13-2006, 09:36 AM
My thoughts go out to you and your family.

PackerFanatic
06-13-2006, 10:08 AM
I know how you feel man, my grandmother passed away this weekend and it really hasn't hit me yet. Her funeral is Thursday and I know it will hit me then.

My thoughts and prayers with you and your family :)

Eaglesfan27
06-13-2006, 10:39 AM
My condolences, Flasch.

duckman
06-13-2006, 10:50 AM
Sorry for your loss, Flasch.

stevew
06-13-2006, 10:51 AM
Sorry for your loss.

chinaski
06-13-2006, 10:53 AM
Very sorry for your loss, Flasch.

JeeberD
06-13-2006, 10:56 AM
Sorry, Flasch...

rogmax11
06-13-2006, 12:48 PM
First, my condolences on his passing. It's always hard when there are no more days to say goodbye.

Secondly, and more important, let me say that your grandfather was a truly lucky man to have had a grandson who so obviously loved him. I am a grandfather myself, and though "only" 59 I am dealing with parents and in-laws in their 90's: it is not an easy existence to be very, very old. It takes a person with a very large heart to spend the time with advanced geriatric issues as you did. You have my sympathy, and my respect.

Neuqua
06-13-2006, 01:22 PM
My condolences Flasch, I know exactly how you feel because my grandfather (currently 101 years old) is fighting on his last legs at the moment.

Flasch186
06-13-2006, 05:38 PM
today has been crazy. Im thoroughly exhausted. I had no idea how short an amount of time you have before you have to "get shit done". After the hospital we went to the nursing home and got his stuff to donate to Goodwill, where Johnny (the awesome CNA) informed us that if we wanted to leave the stuff, that they would donate it amongst the patients...so we did that.

Then we went back to my parents house where my fiancee, Ashley just kind of milled about cleaning while I helped gameplan the day. Dad and I then drove to the Bagel place to get breakfast and pick up a couple dozen for tomorrow. Then we had to go to the Cemetary to sign some stuff, then we had to go to the Funeral home to sign stuff and then we had to go talk to the Rabbi. this is all within hours of finding out he died!! Finally when I got my dad home, I had to come home to sleep, which is failing before dinner, and then my Flasch186 taxi service starts up to the airport to get some family, flying in, and take them to my parents house.

This week will be awful, "sitting shiva" and basically this overriding cloud when in actuallity it's probably for the best that he let go. He fought the good fight but it was time to be with Grandma. Its hard to feign this expected grief on a scale of 1-10 of a 10 when its really about a 5 and the other 5 is joy that he is no longer suffering....I mean what do the visitors want to see? us crying and stuff? I dont know.

Thanks for all of the support, especially from thsoe that Ive butted heads with the past few weeks. It means a lot that aside from it all....you all are a group of friends to me, and just like in real life, we have the same sociology. I appreciate the kind words.

oliegirl
06-13-2006, 07:34 PM
Flasch, I'm so sorry to hear about your grandfather, you are in my thoughts and prayers.