Colbert hosts the WH Press Core Dinner

[chinaski]

I hope theres a video of it up soon. I watched the whole thing live on MSNBC. It was one of the most uncomfortable, hillarious experiences ever captured on film. Bush was incredibly pissed. The video skit was pretty dumb, but the live stuff was insane. He ripped everyone, but the Bush stuff who was sitting 2 chairs to his immediate right was just beyond describable.

many people will go out of their way to rip Colbert; i can see that coming. Who the hell booked him to begin with??

[sabotai]

many people will go out of their way to rip Colbert; i can see that coming. Who the hell booked him to begin with??

Someone who watched the Cobert Report and thought he was being serious.

[timmynausea]

Someone who watched the Cobert Report and thought he was being serious.

That's exactly what I was thinking.

[chinaski]

its being replayed on CSPAN1 now.

[ISiddiqui]

Thanks for the heads up... just changed it over.

[chinaski]

yowch this looks painfully long, looks like Colbert wont take the stage for another hour.

[ISiddiqui]

Good things come to those who wait.

[chinaski]

For those of you without cable...(really cool, just discovered this site, appears to be NSFW)
hxxp://www.channelchooser.com/

Just click CSPAN1.

President Bush says Laura his better half and according to the polls... so does America - Colbert

[chinaski]

dola,

Holy shit not safe for work is right, wonder how long this site will be around before it gets sued? i think i just found HA's favorite new site.

[CamEdwards]

I was listening to some of this in the cab after we left the cocktail party. It sounded incredibly uncomfortable. Very little laughter from what I could here, just some pained silence.

And I have a feeling the White House Correspondents Association knew exactly who they were booking when they got Stephen Colbert.

[ISiddiqui]

The 'two Bushes' is pretty funny :D.

[LloydLungs]

Actually I recall a similar incident early in Clinton's presidency with Conan O'Brien. He got the dreaded "and in conclusion" mock applause, ironic since that's what Clinton got from the delegates (for going on too long) in his '88 DNC speech. Oh, that "in conclusion" applause is mighty uncomfortable...

From what I can gather you're not supposed to roast politicians as viciously as you might a fellow actor/comedian, but personally I get a kick out of seeing everybody squirm. I hope I can catch a replay of this.

[Abe Sargent]

This is really good.


-Anxiety

[ISiddiqui]

I always enjoy the President's speech on the WH Press Corps Dinner... always pretty funny.

[chinaski]

lol, im liking the 2 Bushes too.

[ISiddiqui]

Well, here comes Colbert :D.

[ISiddiqui]

Hmm... Bush actually looks pissed BEFORE Colbert gets on the stage... he must not like the Report! ;)

[ISiddiqui]

Wow... this is great. He is in total character right now and most of the Press Corps doesn't seem to get it (or aren't the target audience).

[Anthony]

dola,

Holy shit not safe for work is right, wonder how long this site will be around before it gets sued? i think i just found HA's favorite new site.

this website is the greatest invention ever

[timmynausea]

That had some brutal moments. I seriously can't believe that he stayed in character even though nobody would laugh for minutes at a time. It actually made it funnier.

[Blade6119]

damn, he made some real low blows...the non-retired generals joke was like wow

[chinaski]

this cspan feed was so much better too, many more cutaways of Bush and the folks he was panning. Scalia took it surprisingly well.

[ISiddiqui]

That had some brutal moments. I seriously can't believe that he stayed in character even though nobody would laugh for minutes at a time. It actually made it funnier.

Yep... he NEVER broke character, except for when he said he should reherse his jokes. It was absolutely hilarious to see the Press Corp wonder what the Hell was going on.

[Antmeister]

Wow! Just watched the last 20 minutes of that and I have to say that Colbert has some balls. I can at least respect him on that level. That was the most classic stuff I had ever seen. People didn't know how to react and he kept plugging away through his material. I have to see the whole thing.

[Critch]

They've just mentioned that the whole thing is replayed tomorrow at 12.30pm, i assume that's ET. The DirecTV schedule for cspan doesn't seem to be right.

[Lorena]

Thank goodness I was flipping through the stations, normally I would watch whatever was TiVod. I don't normally watch this channel but noticed Colbert was on so figured, Meh, what the heck...

This guy has to have the biggest set of stones in human history. No one knew how to react and hell, neither did I. Bush's reaction (or lack) was priceless. When it was over, you could sense how pissed he was... shook some hands and got the hell out of there.

Who the hell booked him to begin with??

I was wondering the same thing... that person is probably without a job right about now :rolleyes:

Antmeister and I are gonna watch it again at 9:30 our time (Pacific).

[Lorena]

late dola,

Yay, it started. Seems like people are entering the hotel, so it might be a while before Colbert is actually on stage.

[chinaski]

Here we go.....the complete Colbert performance. (site semi NSFW)

1st half -
hxxp://video.freevideoblog.com/video/AAC7FA18-2DDC-4D3E-B1BB-9D6CBD83E27F.htm

2nd half -
hxxp://video.freevideoblog.com/video/C91DDBB4-28AD-4E6F-BD52-822BC77DF696.htm

[chinaski]

late dola,

Yay, it started. Seems like people are entering the hotel, so it might be a while before Colbert is actually on stage.

Yea, it takes about an hour before Colbert takes the stage. The 2 Bushes is probably worth sticking around for, its right before Colbert.

[lcjjdnh]

The Colbert speech is up on youtube in three parts, titled "Colbert Roasts Bush." If you search for Colbert, it should be easy to find.

[Lorena]

Yea, it takes about an hour before Colbert takes the stage. The 2 Bushes is probably worth sticking around for, its right before Colbert.

I'll stick around for it.

LOL, did Ludacris just say he showed up because he heard it was a big deal and had to do research to find out what was up? LOL, who exactly gets invited to these things anyway?

[flounder]

I thought it was pretty tame by Correspondents Dinner standards. Nothing will ever top Don Imus' roasting of Clinton during the Lewinsky scandal.

[Flasch186]

too funny

[jeff061]

Colbert is a hell of a talent. Liked him okay on The Daily Show. But on his own he makes Stewart look like a hack.

Didn't watch this, but read some quotes. The man's got stones.

[Barkeep49]

Colbert is a hell of a talent. Liked him okay on The Daily Show. But on his own he makes Stewart look like a hack.

Didn't watch this, but read some quotes. The man's got stones.
Are you serious? I find that without the moderating influence of Stewart that he is almost unwatchable after his shtick tires after a couple of episodes.

[Young Drachma]

I'll stick around for it.

LOL, did Ludacris just say he showed up because he heard it was a big deal and had to do research to find out what was up? LOL, who exactly gets invited to these things anyway?

At least he did the reseach. :)

[stevew]

Damn, henry, that channellchooser thing is a helluva find. Though very very nsfw.

[ISiddiqui]

Are you serious? I find that without the moderating influence of Stewart that he is almost unwatchable after his shtick tires after a couple of episodes.

Yeah, I think he's serious, because I agree with him 100%.

Colbert >>> Stewart

[jeff061]

I respect Stewart, but he's a product of his writers, and after watching him since his debut I've grown tired of him.

[DaddyTorgo]

stewart=old and busted
colbert=teh new hawtness

[DaddyTorgo]

dola

looks like channelchooser.com is a dutch site, so i have no idea what the legality is over there.

[Young Drachma]

Hilarious.

[Young Drachma]

That audience is still REALLY quiet. Wow....how awkward.

[Glengoyne]

I'm pretty sure they knew exactly what they were getting when the brought Colbert on. That really is the idea behind the event.

I'll have to watch a replay.

[Young Drachma]

It wasn't really that funny after watching the whole thing, I mean...it was mostly the irony that gets you and the fact that he's just blasting dude. Still, it was classic to see how awkward that audience looked and how strong their abilities were to laugh at themselves, because it's not as if he gave them a choice.

[Vinatieri for Prez]

Wow. I've never seen this annual dinner before. The guy has balls. It's like if you had an incredibly hilarious and ascerbic friend allowed to spout off at the prez without rebuttal. Just great.

[Butter]

"He doesn't just stand for things, he stands on things. Things like aircraft carriers, and rubble, and recently flooded city squares."

Brilliant.

[MrBigglesworth]

I respect Stewart, but he's a product of his writers, and after watching him since his debut I've grown tired of him.
Any comedian on TV is helped by his writers. But if you watch Colbert's interviews, he comes up with hilarious stuff on the spot, in character.

[jeff061]

I think Colbert plays a heavier role behind the scenes as well, if only because I'm sure he gets a miniscule budget by comparison.

[Pumpy Tudors]

I watched this whole Colbert thing at the dinner, and it really wasn't as bad a "burn" as I was expecting. I don't follow politics at all, so I'm sure half the jokes went over my head, but I think that's part of the problem. For it to be a really harsh shot at the president, it would have to make a guy like me say "Ouch!"

Maybe to people who know anything about current politics, this was hardcore stuff, but it didn't look like much more than an uncomfortable circlejerk to me.

With that said, some of what Colbert said was pretty funny.

[sabotai]

I watched this whole Colbert thing at the dinner, and it really wasn't as bad a "burn" as I was expecting. I don't follow politics at all, so I'm sure half the jokes went over my head, but I think that's part of the problem. For it to be a really harsh shot at the president, it would have to make a guy like me say "Ouch!"

Maybe to people who know anything about current politics, this was hardcore stuff, but it didn't look like much more than an uncomfortable circlejerk to me.

That's the thing Pumpy, you weren't the target audience. If a thread on this hadn't appeared on FOFC, would you have watched it?

[MrBigglesworth]

Maybe to people who know anything about current politics, this was hardcore stuff, but it didn't look like much more than an uncomfortable circlejerk to me.
Like you said, you have to think about it in his context. This is a President that won't normally go in front of audiences that aren't hand-picked Republican loyalists. He rarely even hears criticism, and here he was, the most powerful man in the world, and Colbert was two feet from him, staring into his eyes, and openly mocking the Emperor for not having clothes on.

[Pumpy Tudors]

That's the thing Pumpy, you weren't the target audience. If a thread on this hadn't appeared on FOFC, would you have watched it?
Well, I wouldn't have watched it live because I wouldn't have known about it. It became a pretty big deal after it happened, so yeah, I guess I still would have watched in anticipation of the funny.

Like you said, you have to think about it in his context. This is a President that won't normally go in front of audiences that aren't hand-picked Republican loyalists. He rarely even hears criticism, and here he was, the most powerful man in the world, and Colbert was two feet from him, staring into his eyes, and openly mocking the Emperor for not having clothes on.
Well, I get that Colbert was mocking Bush, but the things he was talking about just didn't seem that powerful to me. The only line that really made me cringe was the one about the photo-ops, but that was more the delivery than anything.

Anyway, if the more political folks thought it was scathing, that's fine. From all the reactions I'd read (here and elsewhere), I just expected something stronger.

[jeff061]

It was more the environment he was in than anything.

[Galaril]

I just watched this and all I can say is wow! Colbert has got some an enormous hairy pair. Just too funny. I was actually feeling sorry for the prez after a while.

[Honolulu_Blue]

Last night, while setting my alarm clock before going to bed, I happened to randomly stumble upon some "Drudge" (I assume that dude from the Drudge Report) Sunday night talk show. He was playing clips from Colbert's performance.

That amount of whinging and sniping that this Drudge guy (or whoever does the show) was amazing. He, of course, never once touched the actual substance of any Colbert's comments/statements, but he just kept saying how everyone makes fun of Fox News because it has 2 to 3 times as many listeners, how there apparently isn't any manners left in DC, and how Colbert should just go back to his poorly rated show on Comedy Central. How snappy!

I loved the whole "Glass 1/3 Full" thing. It's all backwash. Classic!

[JonInMiddleGA]

I thought it was pretty tame by Correspondents Dinner standards. Nothing will ever top Don Imus' roasting of Clinton during the Lewinsky scandal.

Incidentally, here's a transcript of Imus from the '96 WHPC dinner.
http://imonthe.net/imus/ispeech.htm

[JonInMiddleGA]

Incidentally, here's a transcript of Imus from the '96 WHPC dinner.
http://imonthe.net/imus/ispeech.htm

edit to add: and here's an interesting Time Magazine follow-up to the controversy surrounding I-Man's remarks.
http://www.cnn.com/ALLPOLITICS/1996/analysis/time/9604/01/carlson.shtml

[Dutch]

Pretty cool find, JIMG. I have a hard time finding any info from pre-Y2k.

[cuervo72]

Wow, that's a young looking pic of Teddy Kennedy on that second link...

[Vinatieri for Prez]

http://video.freevideoblog.com/hottestvideos/2/5AAB5E2D-0BDC-477E-ADBE-A750209C5EFA.htm

This is another funny bit at the dinner involving the Prez and an impersonator. I'm starting to guess that Colbert's routine wasn't as out of place as I first thought.

[MrBigglesworth]

Incidentally, here's a transcript of Imus from the '96 WHPC dinner.
http://imonthe.net/imus/ispeech.htm
It's funny, ten years ago, the shocking stuff was all about infidelity. Today it is about secret torture prisons and thousands of deaths. In that context, it's easy to see why Clinton was such a popular president, while Bush is seeing if he can hit popularity in the 20's.

[Swaggs]

Copy of the Colbert monologue:

STEPHEN COLBERT: Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. Before I begin, I've been asked to make an announcement. Whoever parked 14 black bulletproof S.U.V.'s out front, could you please move them? They are blocking in 14 other black bulletproof S.U.V.'s and they need to get out.

Wow. Wow, what an honor. The White House correspondents' dinner. To actually sit here, at the same table with my hero, George W. Bush, to be this close to the man. I feel like I'm dreaming. Somebody pinch me. You know what? I'm a pretty sound sleeper -- that may not be enough. Somebody shoot me in the face. Is he really not here tonight? Dammit. The one guy who could have helped.

By the way, before I get started, if anybody needs anything else at their tables, just speak slowly and clearly into your table numbers. Somebody from the NSA will be right over with a cocktail. Mark Smith, ladies and gentlemen of the press corps, Madame First Lady, Mr. President, my name is Stephen Colbert and tonight it's my privilege to celebrate this president. We're not so different, he and I. We get it. We're not brainiacs on the nerd patrol. We're not members of the factinista. We go straight from the gut, right sir? That's where the truth lies, right down here in the gut. Do you know you have more nerve endings in your gut than you have in your head? You can look it up. I know some of you are going to say "I did look it up, and that's not true." That's 'cause you looked it up in a book.

Next time, look it up in your gut. I did. My gut tells me that's how our nervous system works. Every night on my show, the Colbert Report, I speak straight from the gut, OK? I give people the truth, unfiltered by rational argument. I call it the "No Fact Zone." Fox News, I hold a copyright on that term.

I'm a simple man with a simple mind. I hold a simple set of beliefs that I live by. Number one, I believe in America. I believe it exists. My gut tells me I live there. I feel that it extends from the Atlantic to the Pacific, and I strongly believe it has 50 states. And I cannot wait to see how the Washington Post spins that one tomorrow. I believe in democracy. I believe democracy is our greatest export. At least until China figures out a way to stamp it out of plastic for three cents a unit.

In fact, Ambassador Zhou Wenzhong, welcome. Your great country makes our Happy Meals possible. I said it's a celebration. I believe the government that governs best is the government that governs least. And by these standards, we have set up a fabulous government in Iraq.

I believe in pulling yourself up by your own bootstraps. I believe it is possible -- I saw this guy do it once in Cirque du Soleil. It was magical. And though I am a committed Christian, I believe that everyone has the right to their own religion, be you Hindu, Jewish or Muslim. I believe there are infinite paths to accepting Jesus Christ as your personal savior.

Ladies and gentlemen, I believe it's yogurt. But I refuse to believe it's not butter. Most of all, I believe in this president.

Now, I know there are some polls out there saying this man has a 32% approval rating. But guys like us, we don't pay attention to the polls. We know that polls are just a collection of statistics that reflect what people are thinking in "reality." And reality has a well-known liberal bias.

So, Mr. President, please, pay no attention to the people that say the glass is half full. 32% means the glass -- it's important to set up your jokes properly, sir. Sir, pay no attention to the people who say the glass is half empty, because 32% means it's 2/3 empty. There's still some liquid in that glass is my point, but I wouldn't drink it. The last third is usually backwash. Okay, look, folks, my point is that I don't believe this is a low point in this presidency. I believe it is just a lull before a comeback.

I mean, it's like the movie "Rocky." All right. The president in this case is Rocky Balboa and Apollo Creed is -- everything else in the world. It's the tenth round. He's bloodied. His corner man, Mick, who in this case I guess would be the vice president, he's yelling, "Cut me, Dick, cut me!," and every time he falls everyone says, "Stay down! Stay down!" Does he stay down? No. Like Rocky, he gets back up, and in the end he -- actually, he loses in the first movie.

OK. Doesn't matter. The point is it is the heart-warming story of a man who was repeatedly punched in the face. So don't pay attention to the approval ratings that say 68% of Americans disapprove of the job this man is doing. I ask you this, does that not also logically mean that 68% approve of the job he's not doing? Think about it. I haven't.

I stand by this man. I stand by this man because he stands for things. Not only for things, he stands on things. Things like aircraft carriers and rubble and recently flooded city squares. And that sends a strong message, that no matter what happens to America, she will always rebound -- with the most powerfully staged photo ops in the world.

Now, there may be an energy crisis. This president has a very forward-thinking energy policy. Why do you think he's down on the ranch cutting that brush all the time? He's trying to create an alternative energy source. By 2008 we will have a mesquite-powered car!

And I just like the guy. He's a good joe. Obviously loves his wife, calls her his better half. And polls show America agrees. She's a true lady and a wonderful woman. But I just have one beef, ma'am.

I'm sorry, but this reading initiative. I'm sorry, I've never been a fan of books. I don't trust them. They're all fact, no heart. I mean, they're elitist, telling us what is or isn't true, or what did or didn't happen. Who's Britannica to tell me the Panama Canal was built in 1914? If I want to say it was built in 1941, that's my right as an American! I'm with the president, let history decide what did or did not happen.

The greatest thing about this man is he's steady. You know where he stands. He believes the same thing Wednesday that he believed on Monday, no matter what happened Tuesday. Events can change; this man's beliefs never will. As excited as I am to be here with the president, I am appalled to be surrounded by the liberal media that is destroying America, with the exception of Fox News. Fox News gives you both sides of every story: the president's side, and the vice president's side.

But the rest of you, what are you thinking, reporting on NSA wiretapping or secret prisons in eastern Europe? Those things are secret for a very important reason: they're super-depressing. And if that's your goal, well, misery accomplished. Over the last five years you people were so good -- over tax cuts, WMD intelligence, the effect of global warming. We Americans didn't want to know, and you had the courtesy not to try to find out. Those were good times, as far as we knew.

But, listen, let's review the rules. Here's how it works: the president makes decisions. He's the decider. The press secretary announces those decisions, and you people of the press type those decisions down. Make, announce, type. Just put 'em through a spell check and go home. Get to know your family again. Make love to your wife. Write that novel you got kicking around in your head. You know, the one about the intrepid Washington reporter with the courage to stand up to the administration. You know - fiction!

Because really, what incentive do these people have to answer your questions, after all? I mean, nothing satisfies you. Everybody asks for personnel changes. So the White House has personnel changes. Then you write, "Oh, they're just rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic." First of all, that is a terrible metaphor. This administration is not sinking. This administration is soaring. If anything, they are rearranging the deck chairs on the Hindenburg!

Now, it's not all bad guys out there. Some are heroes: Christopher Buckley, Jeff Sacks, Ken Burns, Bob Schieffer. They've all been on my show. By the way, Mr. President, thank you for agreeing to be on my show. I was just as shocked as everyone here is, I promise you. How's Tuesday for you? I've got Frank Rich, but we can bump him. And I mean bump him. I know a guy. Say the word.

See who we've got here tonight. General Moseley, Air Force Chief of Staff. General Peter Pace, Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff. They still support Rumsfeld. Right, you guys aren't retired yet, right? Right, they still support Rumsfeld.

Look, by the way, I've got a theory about how to handle these retired generals causing all this trouble: don't let them retire! Come on, we've got a stop-loss program; let's use it on these guys. I've seen Zinni and that crowd on Wolf Blitzer. If you're strong enough to go on one of those pundit shows, you can stand on a bank of computers and order men into battle. Come on.

Jesse Jackson is here, the Reverend. Haven't heard from the Reverend in a little while. I had him on the show. Very interesting and challenging interview. You can ask him anything, but he's going to say what he wants, at the pace that he wants. It's like boxing a glacier. Enjoy that metaphor, by the way, because your grandchildren will have no idea what a glacier is.

Justice Scalia is here. Welcome, sir. May I be the first to say, you look fantastic. How are you? [After each sentence, Colbert makes a hand gesture, an allusion to Scalia's recent use of an obscene Sicilian hand gesture in speaking to a reporter about Scalia's critics. Scalia is seen laughing hysterically.] Just talking some Sicilian with my paisan.

John McCain is here. John McCain, John McCain, what a maverick! Somebody find out what fork he used on his salad, because I guarantee you it wasn't a salad fork. This guy could have used a spoon! There's no predicting him. By the way, Senator McCain, it's so wonderful to see you coming back into the Republican fold. I have a summer house in South Carolina; look me up when you go to speak at Bob Jones University. So glad you've seen the light, sir.

Mayor Nagin! Mayor Nagin is here from New Orleans, the chocolate city! Yeah, give it up. Mayor Nagin, I'd like to welcome you to Washington, D.C., the chocolate city with a marshmallow center. And a graham cracker crust of corruption. It's a Mallomar, I guess is what I'm describing, a seasonal cookie.

Joe Wilson is here, Joe Wilson right down here in front, the most famous husband since Desi Arnaz. And of course he brought along his lovely wife Valerie Plame. Oh, my god! Oh, what have I said? [looks horrified] I am sorry, Mr. President, I meant to say he brought along his lovely wife Joe Wilson's wife. Patrick Fitzgerald is not here tonight? OK. Dodged a bullet.

And, of course, we can't forget the man of the hour, new press secretary, Tony Snow. Secret Service name, "Snow Job." Toughest job. What a hero! Took the second toughest job in government, next to, of course, the ambassador to Iraq.

Got some big shoes to fill, Tony. Big shoes to fill. Scott McClellan could say nothing like nobody else. McClellan, of course, eager to retire. Really felt like he needed to spend more time with Andrew Card's children. Mr. President, I wish you hadn't made the decision so quickly, sir.

I was vying for the job myself. I think I would have made a fabulous press secretary. I have nothing but contempt for these people. I know how to handle these clowns. In fact, sir, I brought along an audition tape and with your indulgence, I'd like to at least give it a shot. So, ladies and gentlemen, my press conference.

[Honolulu_Blue]

It's funny, ten years ago, the shocking stuff was all about infidelity. Today it is about secret torture prisons and thousands of deaths.

And we have a winnah!

[Kodos]

Hilarious. I wish I had seen it on TV, but forget it with my dialup at home...