Ping: Ladies of FOFC (Really)

[terpkristin]

Ok for any guys reading this, I'm sorry, but this really is a question only a woman can answer.

My best friend got engaged and today asked me to be her Maid of Honor. I'm flattered, of course, though nervous of what "could happen." (Let's not forget that I'm a klutz and I really don't want to ruin her wedding because I tripped over my feet or fell while doing nothing--both have happened before). Anyway, I said yes, but now I need to know, what does a Maid of Honor do?

I mean, aside from standing up there, what are the traditional roles and responsibilities? Obviously, the bachelorette party is there, but what else? What other "services" or parties (if any) does the Maid of Honor perform?

As I said, she's my best friend, and I really like the guy she's marrying, and I don't want to screw it up. Thanks!!

/tk

P.S. Actually, men of FOFC, I *have* heard of male maids of honor in gay weddings but I didn't want to put any of you on the spot. If you know what a Maid of Honor is supposed to do, or if you ask your wife, let me know! :)

[Coffee Warlord]

Your duties involve taking pix and posting them here after the party. k thx.

(I couldn't resist)

[wade moore]

Man, FOFC is google challenged today.

http://www.soyouwanna.com/site/syws/maidofhonor/maidofhonor.html

That was the first search when I searched for "what does a made of honor do?"

[Farrah Whitworth-Rahn]

Unofficially? You're job is to keep the bride from going nuts and calling the whole thing off.

And of course there's the official duties of planning and throwing the wedding shower, and bachelorette parties. You pretty much act as her wedding planning assistant.

[Desmond]

I think the Maid Of Honor has to clean up and sweep after the reception is over.

[terpkristin]

Man, FOFC is google challenged today.

http://www.soyouwanna.com/site/syws/maidofhonor/maidofhonor.html

That was the first search when I searched for "what does a made of honor do?"

Yeah yeah, I was just hoping that there was more info...and personal/anecdotal "dos and don'ts."

I trust the ladies here more than Google. ;)

/tk

[Desmond]

Also, when the dude says "you may now kiss the bride", he's talkin ta you.

[Joe]

you're suppossed to have sex with the best man

[saldana]

the dishes after the reception

[terpkristin]

you're suppossed to have sex with the best man

I assume (though don't have confirmation) that the best man is going to be the groom's younger brother. He's 5ish years my junior and has a girlfriend, so I think that'd be in bad taste. I will dance with him, though.

/tk

[Draft Dodger]

Man, FOFC is google challenged today.

http://www.soyouwanna.com/site/syws/maidofhonor/maidofhonor.html

That was the first search when I searched for "what does a made of honor do?"

thank god google understands that we are stupid. :D

[oliegirl]

From Theknot.com (my bible when we were engaged...radii can tell some strange tales from theknot.com)

maid/matron of honor is part worker bee, part emotional lifeboat. Chosen for your energetic, get-the-ball-in-motion qualities, you should also remember that listening to the bride, making her laugh, and offering emotional and logistical support are also part of your honor attendant package. Here's what's expected:

# Lead the bridesmaid troupe. It's the maid/matron of honor's (MOH) job to direct the other maids through their duties. Make sure all bridesmaids get their dresses, go to dress fittings, and find the right jewelry. Also provide them with the 411 on all prewedding parties.

# Help shop for dresses (the bride's and the bridesmaids'). And the MOH pays for her own entire wedding outfit (including shoes).

# Offer to help the bride with prewedding tasks, from addressing invites to choosing the wedding colors and nodding enthusiastically when she waxes poetic about wedding cake.

# Spread the news about where the bride and groom are registered.

# Help the bride change for her honeymoon and take charge of her gown after the ceremony. Arrange for storage in a safe place until she returns.

# Lend an ear. Whether it's about the planning, the marriage, or the registry china patterns, the MOH should assure the bride that she has someone with whom she can share her thoughts. Even if she seems to dwell on the same subjects repeatedly, the MOH keeps listening.

# Host or cohost a shower for the bride.

# Attend all prewedding parties.

# Keep a record of all the gifts received at various parties and showers (or delegate a bridesmaid to handle this).

# Plan the bachelorette party with the bridesmaids.

# See to it that all bridesmaids get to the rehearsal; coordinate transportation and lodging, if necessary.

# Make sure that all bridesmaids get their hair and makeup done, get to the ceremony on time, and have the correct bouquets.

# Hold the groom's ring during the ceremony. Safest place to put it? On your thumb.

# Arrange the bride's train and veil before the ceremony begins and just after she arrives at the altar. The MOH might also need to help her bustle the train for easy dancing at the reception.

# Hold the bride's bouquet while the couple exchanges vows.

# Sign the marriage license as a witness, along with the best man.

# Stand next to the groom in the receiving line (this is optional; the bride may decide to have attendants circulate among the guests instead).

# Play hostess along with the other bridesmaids at frequent points during the reception: show guests where to sit, direct them to restrooms, tell them to where to put presents, invite them to sign the guest book, etc.

# Collect any gift envelopes brought to the reception and keep them in a safe place.

# Make sure the bride takes a moment to eat something -- refresh her drink, get her a plate of food from the buffet table, or instruct the wait staff to keep her entree warm.

# Dance with the best man during the formal first-dance sequence and possibly be announced with him at the beginning of the party. Also dance with other groomsmen, the groom, and others.

# Toast the couple after the best man. (This is optional, but it is a nice touch.)

# Troubleshoot emotional crises. In most cases, this will require lots of tissues, hugging, and hair-smoothing. The MOH continues to be a trusted friend, a good listener, and a smart advisor.

# Keep the bride laughing. For the stressed-out bride, laughter can be as effective as venting.

[Desnudo]

I like the best man list better:

1. Bachelor party
2. Keep groom somewhat sober and in the Church on the wedding day
3. Carry the ring

[oliegirl]

I like the best man list better:

1. Bachelor party
2. Keep groom somewhat sober and in the Church on the wedding day
3. Carry the ring


Also from theknot.com:

As best man, you may think you're just a glorified groomsman, but guess what? You actually have special responsibilities -- you'll be a combination valet and hand-holder as you help the groom come through this nerve-racking experience with flying colors. As leader of the groom's posse, you'll:

# Serve as the groom's personal aide and adviser before and during the wedding. This can include helping him pack for the honeymoon (the valet part).


# Help the groom choose and rent (or buy) wedding formalwear, and coordinate the other groomsmen's rentals. You guys are supposed to match, after all! You may be expected to arrange accommodations for out-of-town groomsmen.

It's your job to corral
the other groomsmen and make sure
they're performing their duties.


# Organize the bachelor party. Don't be shy about enlisting other groomsmen to help you out -- most guys don't mind this duty! Put financial worries out of your mind -- the cost should be split among everyone who attends the bash.


# Attend the rehearsal with the bride and groom and all the other attendants. This is your chance to figure out how you're supposed to walk down that aisle.


# Stand beside the groom at the altar and keep the bride's ring until vows are exchanged. Find a safe place for the ring (and triple check that your pockets don't have holes) -- you don't want to fumble around when it's time to whip it out.


# Corral the other groomsmen and make sure they're performing their duties.


# Sign the marriage license as a witness after the ceremony, along with the maid of honor.


# Give the officiant a sealed envelope with his or her fee (the groom's responsibility) just after the ceremony.


# You may be announced with the maid of honor when the reception begins.


# Dance with both the honor attendant and the bride during the wedding party dances.


# Give the first toast to the bride and groom at the reception. This is your biggest -- and probably most frightening -- duty. Read our article about toasting, and remember the cardinal rule: Mum's the word on the bachelor bacchanalia.


# Collect any gift envelopes guests bring to the reception. You may be asked to deposit them in the couple's bank account or at least to keep them until the couple returns from their honeymoon.


# Decorate the getaway mobile. Grab the other groomsmen and the bridesmaids for this one.


# Drive the couple to the wedding-night hotel or airport after the reception. If you perform this service, you'll need to stay sober throughout the reception. If you have a feeling this may not be possible, hire a limo to drive the couple into the sunset.


The wedding will be over in the blink of an eye, so remember to enjoy yourself at the reception. After all, you're there to celebrate the happiest day of your best friend's life.

[Coffee Warlord]

I like the best man list better:

1. Bachelor party
2. Keep groom somewhat sober and in the Church on the wedding day
3. Carry the ring

You forget.

1) Outdrink all groomsmen at the reception. You're the Best Man. You gotta prove it.

[Joe]

I assume (though don't have confirmation) that the best man is going to be the groom's younger brother. He's 5ish years my junior and has a girlfriend, so I think that'd be in bad taste. I will dance with him, though.

/tk

Oh.... so just oral, then?

[flere-imsaho]

I asked the wife and the answer is, of course, "it depends", but basically Farrah summed it up pretty neatly.

If the bride and groom (or heck, just the bride) are pretty well organized, then there's mostly just the emotional support, the "day-of" duties, and keeping the bridesmaids in line.

What I think you'll find, though, is that aside from the "official" duties, there's so much to do in planning a wedding, that the MOH ends up helping out here and there with a good number of tasks.

[Anthony]

you have to get the bride drunk on the bachelorette party and show us all the pics of adult fun. that is your duty.

[WSUCougar]

I'd add that you need to run interference for the bride when the other women in the wedding start acting like catty bitches. Seriously.

And please don't think I'm just being a male chauvanistic pig when I say that. I've been involved in a lot of friends' weddings, and it happens almost every time. Don't be afraid to dial it up a notch to protect what the bride wants. This is her wedding.

[Raven Hawk]

One of your jobs will be to hold her hair back when she pukes at the bachelorette party.

[sterlingice]

Yeah, see, theknot.com is site for bridezillas to make the most elaborate possible wedding and then to sell overpriced crap to those who fall into said trap. Take anything from them with a boulder of salt.

SI

[BrianD]

Yeah, see, theknot.com is site for bridezillas to make the most elaborate possible wedding and then to sell overpriced crap to those who fall into said trap. Take anything from them with a boulder of salt.

SI

Not necessarily. My wife use theknot.com to organize and plan our Vegas wedding. 40 people, Venetian hotel...very nice not overly elaborate. TheKnot is great for organizing and reminding what needs to happen. Bridezillas happen on their own.

[oliegirl]

I used theknot.com to find our photographer and dj, and also to get ideas for doing our invitations, programs and thank you cards myself (which saved us a ton of money).

[Joe]

I used theknot.com to find our photographer and dj, and also to get ideas for doing our invitations, programs and thank you cards myself (which saved us a ton of money).

were you a bridezilla?

[oliegirl]

were you a bridezilla?


No. I had a few panic stricken moments, I would venture to say that every bride does, but that was all.

[JeeberD]

From Theknot.com

Exactly where I was gonna tell her to go...

*Runs and hides in shame*

[Passacaglia]

Yeah, see, theknot.com is site for bridezillas to make the most elaborate possible wedding and then to sell overpriced crap to those who fall into said trap. Take anything from them with a boulder of salt.

SI

Word. indiebride.com is where it's at.

[FrogMan]

Yeah, see, theknot.com is site for bridezillas to make the most elaborate possible wedding and then to sell overpriced crap to those who fall into said trap. Take anything from them with a boulder of salt.

SI

for some reason, everytime I see theknot.com, my brain register something like technot.com. I couldn't see the link to a wedding at all at first...

FM

[Raven Hawk]

I made most of my plans through:

treasureisland.com
alittlewhiteweddingchapel.com

:)