Moving away from where your family is...

[DanGarion]

How many of you have done this? I have a giant opportunity to move to Colorado Springs to what I do now in our new call center and no take a pay cut. Moving there would open up a lot of doors since they will no longer be hiring anyone that does my job in our current office in Souther California. This means that all management and training positions will be located in Colorado Springs and being that I've wrote our current training manual and procedures I'm in a good spot to move to management or training.

If I stay here I can continue what I'm doing but would have to move to another position in another department to move up.

My wife and I got married in July and all of our family is here, her parents, my parents, everyone. But we aren't planning to have children any time soon (if ever).

We don't really like it here anymore because it's too crowded and too dirty. Plus on my and her income we will never be able to afford anything more then renting a place ($75,000k a year or so income at this time). $630,000 median housing prices here in Orange County, compared to about $220,000 median in Colorado Springs. Plus we really like the outdoors and it's so much nicer there living in the shadow of the Rockies.

Management just told us if positions open up there for our job (which will happen since they have no one yet and we need 11 positions soon) we are welcome to move (on our bill) but we will make exactly what we are making now.

We wanted to move away from here eventually but we were looking at 2 or so years, if we are going to do this we'd be looking at possibly the next 6-9 months, if not sooner.

Anyway I just wanted to bounce this off people that have done something like this, since it would be a big decision for us. But we'd be able to afford the home we both want.

[CamEdwards]

When we upped and moved to the D.C. area two and a half years ago, we left all of my family behind. While it's certainly been an adjustment, it's also been a great move for us. I say go for it.

[Lathum]

Dang, I am the champion of moving. My fiance and I relocated 2 weeks ago in a similar situation and I've been through it several times before. I'll tell you this much, it can be very hard. I don't know how close you are to your and your wifes family. Visits home can be very hectic trying to visit both families so your "vacations" can actually be draining on you.

That being said it sounds like a great oppritunity and at least you will have your wife there with you. Is there a chance to spend a few years there and if you dislike it or want to move back you can stay with the same company?

I'll be more then happy to discuss in more detail if you want to post some specific questions or you are more then welcome to send a PM.

[Ksyrup]

We just left Florida, where my wife's family is. She's handled it reasonably well. I wouldn't let that stop you, but you should be sensitive to it if you think it will be hard for any of them to let go. Before we announced the final decision, we made sure to look up airfare, driving mileage, checked schedules for times to visit 6-12 months out, etc., to suggest ways that they could visit the grandkids (and vice versa).

[DanGarion]

That being said it sounds like a great oppritunity and at least you will have your wife there with you. Is there a chance to spend a few years there and if you dislike it or want to move back you can stay with the same company?


Yes there is a chance to do that, especially if I go into management, which I'd probably try to do.

[Mizzou B-ball fan]

Now would be the perfect time for you to do it. My wife and I move away from Kansas City to Baltimore for awhile. While it was a good experience, we eventually decided to move back to Kansas City. While our family is in the KC area, we actually moved back to KC because we could get an extremely large home for our money in Kansas City.

The reduced strain on your finances will be a welcome relief. Honestly, for all the money you save by the lowering of living costs, you will be able to afford to go home a few times a year. Also, people will come out to see you because they can vacation for cheap by staying in your home.

You can always move back in a few years if you decide to have kids and want to be closer to family. Colorado Springs is a really nice place to live. I really think you'll like it.

[Lorena]

I know EXACTLY where you're coming from. I was born and raised in L.A. and lived there until we moved to San Diego during my early 20's. Even San Diego was a difficult move and I was homesick for about a year but learned to love San Diego.

After 8 years in San Diego we decided to move to Phoenix so Antmeister could finish school. When he graduated, we moved to Austin to pursue better opportunities.

So we have moved to 2 different states and we kept getting farther and farther away from family and friends. They weren't happy in the beginning, but they realized that we HAD to do what was best for us and our kids which meant moving somewhere else. It's really difficult to leave loved ones behind, but your wife is your new family and you must do what is best for you BOTH. I had a rough, rough time in the beginning but if living in another state will benefit both of you by all means do it!!

I'll be curious to hear the outcome as I struggled with the same issues you are. BTW, I LOVE the outdoors as well and that's why I'm loving Austin... it's so beautiful and green... so unlike smoggy, crowded, expensive So. Cal.

[johnnyshaka]

My situation was a little different...I left my family and friends and moved from Ottawa out west to Edmonton to get to know my birth family and to go to school. I've been out here for 7 years now and have no intentions of going back, especially now that I've married a local girl and we've had our first child. But, that doesn't mean I don't miss my little brother or my mom and dad...especially when my dad is going in for heart surgery in a couple of days. It's tough being away, but at the same time, I wasn't happy with the way my life was going while I was at home and that change really got me back on track and I can't imagine what things would be like had I stayed.

[DanGarion]

I'll be curious to hear the outcome as I struggled with the same issues you are. BTW, I LOVE the outdoors as well and that's why I'm loving Austin... it's so beautiful and green... so unlike smoggy, crowded, expensive So. Cal.
Yeah but it's hot and humid there! :D

[Gallifrey]

I am from Atlanta and left there in 1992 for Seattle. My entire family is in Georgia, but my wife's family is here.

It can be an adjustment. When you are so far away visiting is hard. But you have to go for it when the chances are there with your work I think. You can't stay stuck to an area forever just because everyone else is there.

[Mustang]

I'd have a harder time moving away from friends then family. (My family is kinda out there so...)

But, I agree. When it comes to 'vacation' time, if you make it a habit to go home during your vacations, you will find them incredibly draining especially if you feel that you have to visit 20 people in a 7 day window.

[Eaglesfan27]

I moved away from NJ the first time for school and that was cool, but I always planned on returning home eventually. However, I eventually met a woman from Louisiana while finishing up college and she tried moving to NJ for 3 years (before we were even married), but really was very unhappy because she missed her friends and family so much. So, I moved down here to LA. Like others have said, your wife is your new family and you have to do what is best for the both of you. My family hates that I'm so far away, but my wife is very happy being down here while she was very depressed when she was in NJ. So, this was easily the best move for me. I miss my friends and family, but I've made new friends down here.


I agree with the vacation comments. My return trips to NJ are so hectic because there are so many people to see/spend time with in such a short period of time.

[Simms]

Dang, I am the champion of moving.

I imagine I'm right up there with you. :)

Grew up in Toronto and moved to Kansas to go to school. Got married in Kansas to a local girl and lived there for a year before moving to DC for career reasons. We had our 2nd child in Virginia (we lasted 2 years, total) and then moved back to Kansas, largely because we wanted some family nearby. After two years back in Wichita, I got laid off and with the crummy post-9/11 job market, we ended up moving to Toronto to be around my family.

4 years later, we've just moved back to Northern Virginia. :)

You said you don't have kids, so obviously the situations are quite different (kids can and will play a huge role in extended family dynamics), but ultimately a lot will depend on the relationships you and your wife have with your respective families and each other's. In my experience, there's something to be said for having a measure of independence.

A lot also depends on how much you and/or your wife rely on your parents and how much they rely on you (be it emotionally, psychologically, financially, whatever)...which goes back to the independence thing...maybe being farther away would be less of a burden for one side or another. It's impossible to say without knowing all the details of course, but it's worth considering before you take the plunge.

My wife gets along great with my parents, but always having "nana" nearby made parenting a little more stressful for her. Since we moved to VA, my wife's blood pressure has gone down substantially. :)

If/when you have kids though....suddenly you'll be convincing yourself that and 11 hour drive is "really not all that far".

[M GO BLUE!!!]

Do it. You learn to appreciate your family much more in the shorter time periods that you will have. It is amazing how little people tend to piss you off when they are 600+ miles away!

[Poli]

I'd guess I'm a nomad. My brother is in Missouri, sister in Louisiana...I think my dad's in MO as well now that I think of it.

Being away from old friends and family is no big deal for me. I've dealt with it most of my life. I guess I'm just hardened to it.

My wife, on the other hand, spent most of her life within a few miles of virtually all of her family. Moving from to VA and CA was very hard on her.

It's something I try to understand, but I can't get a good grasp on it. I talk to my dad maybe once a year. My brother, maybe once every few weeks. My sister, maybe once every couple of months. My wife talks to her immediate family on a daily basis.

[Desnudo]

Definitely take the opportunity. You can always move back.

[mhass]

I just did what you're talking about. It's amazing how breaking away the first time totally makes it more palatable to consider another move. It was terribly hard on me to leave in February, but now as my employer expands and creates professional opportunities, I can totally see myself moving again since I've made the break. If you can be sure "management" is what you want to do and your family can be reasonable (which mine were), go for it.

[Buccaneer]

Dan, I think I shared all of the info to you of what I have. Let me know if you and your wife have any more.

[DanGarion]

Dan, I think I shared all of the info to you of what I have. Let me know if you and your wife have any more.
Oh yeah, I have you on quick dial if we have any questions! ;)

[Honolulu_Blue]

I think it's not such a bad thing moving away from family for a bit to sort of find your own way. I did so back in 2000. I moved out to D.C., worked there for a couple of years, moved to Belgium for 3 years, back to D.C. for 1 year, and now I'm back home. I live 10 miles from my parents, 4 miles from my brother, and 2 miles from my sister. It's great. I love being back home, close to my family, but the time apart was good.

[Flame Eater]

I left home when I was 18 (23 years ago). Family in my opinion is like most things in life...best if taken in moderation.

[Galaril]

I take this thread as a sign from the gods that like you Dan it isn't abad thing to move away. I am in a simailar situation except my wifes family is not nearby at all (overseas). We are living close by where my family is after living away from the area for 13 years or so traveling around the world with the US Air Force and later the government. I have only been back here for a about two years and am looking to move away since my wife has been getting somewhat "disenchanted" with some of my realitives. I was thinking of putting in for transfer out to Colorado (C. Springs, Denver sub or Boulder areas) but have had some concerns. We do have childern on now and another on the way. But, after reading this I think we will go ahead and in about two years after my parents have achance to see outr next child born and grow alittle make the move. Ultimately, housing prices on the two coasts are a huge negative as well as the crowded conditions. My work IT Security IT Auditing is job that work is easy to come by. so that is not an issue. Plus, i am getting sick of some the Northeast hyper competition mindset in the business space. Dan, not to thread jack you any longer I say definitley make the move. I left home for the military after finishing university and was gone for over decade minus vacations back and consider that to be the turning point in my life. So go for it my friend.

[Raiders Army]

Do it like a hooker doing crack. We moved away from both of our families and it was the best. We learned to depend on each other and I believe we have a much stronger marriage than we would have had we been near our families.

[LoneStarGirl]

When I was 18 I got a scholarship to go to Arkansas to play softball. Arkansas was about 8 hours from my home and i had no friends there. But i went anyway, met GE and lived happily ever after. I am still 8 hours from home and only see my family about 3 times a year, but it definitly made me stronger and more independent, which is good for an only child i suppose.

[spleen1015]

If I hadn't moved away from my family, I think I would be worthless just like them. Getting away from them has shown me that there are better things in this world.

If you like you family, I can see how it would be hard to move.

[MizzouRah]

I've been wanting to move to our central office in Longmont, now we're in Layfette, Colorado for a LONG time. Too bad my wife and I get in arguments when I talk about as she's a family orientated girl and I'm a former jarhead who loves to pick up and move at a moments notice.

Colorado is such a beautiful place and since she also seems ok with it, GO FOR IT.. and don't look back!