View Full Version : When Neighbors aren't good neighbors..
Eaglesfan27
09-23-2006, 01:10 PM
I was very cautious about telling my neighbors that I was a doctor, and didn't mention it until after several visits with the ones I liked the most. I definitely didn't offer up the fact that I was a psychiatrist until a few weeks ago when we went out drinking and it came up as I wasn't quite as guarded. Not because I feel any shame about being a psychiatrist, but I've heard horror stories of friends/neighbors, etc seeking help from my colleagues.
Today, this nightmare just became a reality for me. One of my neighbors came over. I thought it was odd that she would come over alone, but we are having a surprise party for my wife next weekend for her birthday. I figured this was about that. Sure enough, she asked if Mrs. Eaglesfan was home, and I said she wasn't. She said good, came inside the houe, and started asking questions about what I thought she should get for a gift. I gave her a few ideas and thought this would be the end of the visit. Instead, she proceeded to start to tell me about some problems she is having with her husband and her concerns about her children. I gave her a bunch of completely non-commital answers while repeatedly suggesting the names of several good psychiatrists who take insurance, which I would presume she would have from her husband having a good job.
She kept having excuses why she didn't want to go to a psychiatrist, and she assured me she just wanted to talk to me as a friend, yet she was asking me to act much like a therapist with the way she was asking me to analyze situations, at least in my opinion. I flat out told her, that I liked her, I liked her husband, and I didn't want to get in the middle of their problems. She then proceeded to blather on for another 20 minutes about stuff in her childhood that wasn't even relevant to the situation at hand, but is certainly the type of stuff that a psychiatrist or therapist would ask about.
At this point, I was really weighing just escorting her out (actually I had been for 20 mintues) but I don't want to piss off my neighbors either as we could potentially be living next to them for a long time. However after a few more minutes of her treating me like a therapist, I finally had to tell her that I think she needs to talk to an objective professional and that I had to go because I was supposed to be calling my mother now. My brain was running really slow in coming up with excuses.
Anyway, I'm now dreading seeing this neighbor come over for any surprise visits in the future whereas before she and/or her husband would drop by from time to time. Anyway, I'm just ventilating a bit.
MizzouRah
09-23-2006, 01:22 PM
That had to have been awkward... but it sounds like to me you handled it the best you could.
DaddyTorgo
09-23-2006, 01:29 PM
Anyway, I'm just ventilating a bit.
what exactly are you ventilating?
Eaglesfan27
09-23-2006, 01:37 PM
Annoyance.
DaddyTorgo
09-23-2006, 01:42 PM
Annoyance.
can you ventilate annoyance? is that proper-english?
don't mind me, just being a word-choice nazi.
shitty situation EF. At some point I dunno, you might hafta have the "i don't feel comfortable legally/ethically giving advice to people who are not patients," speech.
actually, come to think of it, wouldn't the legally-thing actually apply? from a liability standpoint i mean?
Eaglesfan27
09-23-2006, 01:45 PM
I don't know. Probably not proper English, but that was never my strong point ;)
There is no patient-doctor relationship, as I have not accepted her as a patient (nor would I), so I don't think there is any guideline protecting me from her asking for "friendly advice."
That being said, I think her and her husband just had a big fight, so I gave her a bit of leeway. If she tries this again, I'll be much more firm. In some ways, I think I handled this well, but I think I should have been more forceful more early in the conversation.
DaddyTorgo
09-23-2006, 01:50 PM
I don't know. Probably not proper English, but that was never my strong point ;)
There is no patient-doctor relationship, as I have not accepted her as a patient (nor would I), so I don't think there is any guideline protecting me from her asking for "friendly advice."
That being said, I think her and her husband just had a big fight, so I gave her a bit of leeway. If she tries this again, I'll be much more firm. In some ways, I think I handled this well, but I think I should have been more forceful more early in the conversation.
right but wouldn't it fall under the same type of thing (albeit different b/c of your field of medicine) as a doctor stopping to offer non-critical first-aid to a motorist on the highway say. doesn't that MD open himself up to legal liability (and i'm not talking about in a "good samaritan, critical-care type of way which i can see the courts tossing out. i mean in a more...pedestrian way. say stitches gone-wrong or something) even without payment because they are "treating" the person?
what if you gave her advice and she ended up going out and cheating on her husband and costing herself $40 million due to a prenup? she could argue that she had grounds to sue you for your "advice" that was coming from a "medical professional" even though she was not a paying patient. i don't think she'd have a chance, but i can see it making it to court.
and besides, if you cite "legal/ethical" implications, i don't think she's going to go and dig around to find out if you are BSing.
Greyroofoo
09-23-2006, 01:58 PM
was she hot?
Eaglesfan27
09-23-2006, 01:58 PM
Interesting points you bring up. Actually, I did mention I cannot ethically offer her any professional advice early in the whole discussion once I realized it was going that way. However, I'm just going to tell her to talk to my wife in the future if she wants to talk to a friend for advice about their problems, as I'm closer to her husband and I don't think it is right to talk about their problems with me.
Craptacular
09-23-2006, 02:06 PM
One of my neighbors came over. I thought it was odd that she would come over alone, but we are having a surprise party for my wife next weekend for her birthday. I figured this was about that. Sure enough, she asked if Mrs. Eaglesfan was home, and I said she wasn't. She said good, came inside the houe, and started asking questions about what I thought she should get for a gift. I gave her a few ideas and thought this would be the end of the visit. Instead, she proceeded to start to tell me about some problems she is having with her husband
Up to this point, I was still thinking this was a pron script.
Seriously, I don't envy your position. My parents are surrounded in their neighborhood by doctors of various disciplines, and it seems like every time any health-related topic comes up in conversation, my mom always seems to bring up something about how "my neighbor, who's a _____, said ______." Granted, my mom's dad was a doctor as well, so she's been around the field all her life. However, I sometimes wonder if she's one of those neighbors who asks the docs about everything.
terpkristin
09-23-2006, 02:06 PM
Interesting points you bring up. Actually, I did mention I cannot ethically offer her any professional advice early in the whole discussion once I realized it was going that way. However, I'm just going to tell her to talk to my wife in the future if she wants to talk to a friend for advice about their problems, as I'm closer to her husband and I don't think it is right to talk about their problems with me.
Sounds like a great way to get around the situation if it ever comes up again, and based on your description, I think you did the best you could given the circumstances.
/tk
Craptacular
09-23-2006, 02:07 PM
was she hot?
LOL, I was disappointed no one had asked that yet when I first read the thread.
Eaglesfan27
09-23-2006, 02:10 PM
She was hot by normal 30 something standards. However, by my new standard based off the social workers I'm working with, she was just good looking. ;)
sterlingice
09-23-2006, 02:54 PM
Is this your neighbor?
http://image.com.com/tv/images/processed/photo_viewer/48/df/8048.jpg
SI
Eaglesfan27
09-23-2006, 02:55 PM
LOL :)
Galaxy
09-23-2006, 03:44 PM
right but wouldn't it fall under the same type of thing (albeit different b/c of your field of medicine) as a doctor stopping to offer non-critical first-aid to a motorist on the highway say. doesn't that MD open himself up to legal liability (and i'm not talking about in a "good samaritan, critical-care type of way which i can see the courts tossing out. i mean in a more...pedestrian way. say stitches gone-wrong or something) even without payment because they are "treating" the person?
what if you gave her advice and she ended up going out and cheating on her husband and costing herself $40 million due to a prenup? she could argue that she had grounds to sue you for your "advice" that was coming from a "medical professional" even though she was not a paying patient. i don't think she'd have a chance, but i can see it making it to court.
and besides, if you cite "legal/ethical" implications, i don't think she's going to go and dig around to find out if you are BSing.
Yeap, and in the lawsuit-happy society and the ability of lawyers to win cases that look dumb, I would be very careful. Plus not to mention your rep as a doctor if you gave her help that didn't work, in which should could start telling others (and could reach your area of work and bosses).
LionsFan10
09-23-2006, 04:03 PM
EaglesFan, I have a problem ....
Do you have a minute :D
stevew
09-23-2006, 04:08 PM
Up to this point, I was still thinking this was a pron script.
"Let me examine you a bit closer. Let me see how well you know how to love...."
Raiders Army
09-23-2006, 05:40 PM
At least you're not a proctologist.
"I have this ass pain that won't go away..."
Draft Dodger
09-23-2006, 05:44 PM
well, lionsfan took my joke.
Eaglesfan27
09-23-2006, 05:57 PM
At least you're not a proctologist.
"I have this ass pain that won't go away..."
I'm grateful for that :D
Galaxy
09-23-2006, 08:34 PM
Didn't Peter sue his doctor over his proctologist exam last week? :D
JeeberD
09-23-2006, 08:57 PM
I wonder if my father, the retired OB-GYN, ever had this problem?
Lorena
09-23-2006, 09:28 PM
Talk about taking advantage.
But uh, now that you mention it, I have a few issues myself....
heh, j/k http://www.websmileys.com/sm/happy/1202.gif
Lorena
09-23-2006, 09:30 PM
EaglesFan, I have a problem ....
Do you have a minute :D
Damn you, beat me to it :rolleyes:
Lorena
09-23-2006, 09:31 PM
well, lionsfan took my joke.
Well shoot...
Anyway, I'm now dreading seeing this neighbor come over for any surprise visits in the future whereas before she and/or her husband would drop by from time to time. Anyway, I'm just ventilating a bit.
Good fences, preferably with barbed wire, make good neighbors.
WVUFAN
09-23-2006, 11:37 PM
Good fences, preferably with barbed wire, make good neighbors.
Barbed Wire And attack dogs. Good times.
You should have charged her for the session...a lot. ;)
Barbed Wire And attack dogs. Good times.
Don't forget the moat. :)
WVUFAN
09-23-2006, 11:45 PM
Don't forget the moat. :)
Obviously. Plus the crocs in the moat.
Crocodiles, a moat, barbed wire and attack dogs = end of all neighbor problems.
Obviously. Plus the crocs in the moat.
Crocodiles, a moat, barbed wire and attack dogs = end of all neighbor problems.
Thank goodness you said crocs and not, well, you know.
WVUFAN
09-23-2006, 11:50 PM
Thank goodness you said crocs and not, well, you know.
heh.
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