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View Full Version : Porn, Swords, Guys who live with their mother--This Story has Something for Everyone!


albionmoonlight
02-22-2007, 07:45 AM
http://www.cnn.com/2007/US/02/22/porn.sword.ap/index.html

OCONOMOWOC, Wisconsin (AP) -- A man says he broke into an apartment with a cavalry sword because he thought he heard a woman being raped, but the sound actually was from a pornographic movie his upstairs neighbor was watching.

"Now I feel stupid," said James Van Iveren, who has been charged in the case. "This really is nothing, nothing but a mistake."

According to a criminal complaint, the neighbor told police that Van Iveren pounded on the door and kicked it open without warning February 12, damaging the frame and lock.

"Where is she?" Van Iveren demanded, thrusting the sword at the neighbor, the complaint said. "Where is she?"

The neighbor told police Van Iveren became increasingly aggressive as he repeated the question, insisting that he had heard a woman being raped. The complaint said that, with the sword pointed at him, the neighbor led Van Iveren throughout the apartment, opening closet doors to prove he was alone.

The neighbor later played for police the part of the DVD he believed Van Iveren heard downstairs.

The radio station WTMJ identified the neighbor as Bret Steighorst.

Van Iveren, 39, of Oconomowoc, was charged with criminal trespass, criminal damage and disorderly conduct, all while using a dangerous weapon, and is scheduled to appear in court March 5. Together, the misdemeanor counts carry a maximum sentence of 33 months in jail.

Van Iveren said Tuesday that he heard a woman "screaming for help," grabbed the sword, bounded up the stairs, kicked in the apartment door and confronted the man who lived there.

"I intended to hold it behind my back and knock. But I froze and instead, what happened happened," he told the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel.

Contesting his neighbor's account, Van Iveren said he didn't look anywhere in the apartment except the front room, and that he never threatened the neighbor with the sword.

"I had the sword extended, but that was all," he said.

Van Iveren, who lives with his mother in the downstairs apartment, said he did not call police when he heard the noises because he does not have a telephone. He said he barely knew the upstairs tenant.

Police seized Van Iveren's sword, which he said was a family heirloom.

Ksyrup
02-22-2007, 07:57 AM
I've never heard of someone freezing where, instead of standing still unable to move or act quickly, that person charges into a room, swords blazing, and demands to know where the raped girl is. That's one hell of a "freeze."

Drake
02-22-2007, 08:00 AM
That could so easily have happened in my town.

Drake
02-22-2007, 08:01 AM
"swords blazing"

:)

Subby
02-22-2007, 08:05 AM
I wondered where PSUColonel had been...

sachmo71
02-22-2007, 08:35 AM
I wondered where PSUColonel had been...

"You, suh, are a hornswaggler and a liberal, and must be slain. First, produce the maiden you have violated, and then I shall run you through!"

twothree
02-22-2007, 09:42 AM
O_o_o_o_o_

I would like to buy another vowel...

Bee
02-22-2007, 09:47 AM
Did the man have six fingers? I am looking for a man with six fingers...

ISiddiqui
02-22-2007, 10:02 AM
This is an awesome story. You just can't make shit like this up.

KevinNU7
02-22-2007, 10:12 AM
Did the man have six fingers? I am looking for a man with six fingers...
http://i27.photobucket.com/albums/c163/evie_260/rugen.jpg

Honolulu_Blue
02-22-2007, 10:15 AM
I almost had a similar experience about 10 years ago now. Sadly the story doesn't involve a sword, porn, or anyone living with their mother, but it does involve computer games and actual sex. So, it has that going for it.

I was living in an apartment complex in my year between undergrad and law school. I was playing "Heroes of Might and Magic 3". It was late at night in the spring/summer, the windows were open and I was quite pleased with my progress in the game. I had a formidable army of nice mix of powerful and fearsome fantasy creatures.

All of a sudden I start to hear some woman crying out and moaning. There was an alleway between our complex and the one next door. I turned the sound off and listened closely, the moaning continued. I went outside to see if anything was going on and then noticed that it was the girl in the apartment above ours was having sex. I couldn't see anything, but once I was outside it was obvious where the sound was coming from.

I promptly returned to my room, closed the window, and turned off the game. My glorious fantasy army and its many great accomplishments had lost a bit of its luster upon the realization that I was sitting at home playing a computer game into the wee hours of a weekend night while the hot girl living above me was having sex. Rarely have I felt more like a geek.

Mustang
02-22-2007, 10:17 AM
My glorious fantasy army and its many great accomplishments had lost a bit of its luster upon the realization that I was sitting at home playing a computer game into the wee hours of a weekend night while the hot girl living above me was having sex. Rarely have I felt more like a geek.

A real geek would have masturbated while playing..

Klinglerware
02-22-2007, 10:18 AM
"I had the sword extended, but that was all," he said.



Indeed.

Well, somebody had to. Sorry...

Vinatieri for Prez
02-22-2007, 01:10 PM
The guy had no phone and lives with his mother? Even if you can't pay for telephone service, I believe 911 still works as long as the phone is in the jack, no?

rkmsuf
02-22-2007, 01:11 PM
The guy had no phone and lives with his mother? Even if you can't pay for telephone service, I believe 911 still works as long as the phone is in the jack, no?

there is no phone

he's the one

Raiders Army
02-23-2007, 07:46 AM
I almost had a similar experience about 10 years ago now. Sadly the story doesn't involve a sword, porn, or anyone living with their mother, but it does involve computer games and actual sex. So, it has that going for it.

I was living in an apartment complex in my year between undergrad and law school. I was playing "Heroes of Might and Magic 3". It was late at night in the spring/summer, the windows were open and I was quite pleased with my progress in the game. I had a formidable army of nice mix of powerful and fearsome fantasy creatures.

All of a sudden I start to hear some woman crying out and moaning. There was an alleway between our complex and the one next door. I turned the sound off and listened closely, the moaning continued. I went outside to see if anything was going on and then noticed that it was the girl in the apartment above ours was having sex. I couldn't see anything, but once I was outside it was obvious where the sound was coming from.

I promptly returned to my room, closed the window, and turned off the game. My glorious fantasy army and its many great accomplishments had lost a bit of its luster upon the realization that I was sitting at home playing a computer game into the wee hours of a weekend night while the hot girl living above me was having sex. Rarely have I felt more like a geek.

That's a great story. I can't remember who said it or if it was from a movie, but the quote was something like: "I'm not a nerd. Nerds don't get it done; geeks do."

Craptacular
02-23-2007, 09:22 PM
Oconomowoc is becoming a place solely for rich yuppies, so this guy will get priced out of the community.

Obviously, this got lots of play in the Wisconsin news. A few things the CNN article posted above doesn't mention:

* The porno was in Spanish and the guy watching it didn't understand a word (not that it's important to). He also said there was no screaming that would have made it sound like rape.

* He watched the movie from about 1 to 2:30 AM ... the guy kicked down his door at about 11:30 AM!! He also said the incident wouldn't change his viewing habits, other than maybe getting some nice wireless headphones.

* Finally, the "victim" said he thought the guy was probably doing what he thought was right, and that he didn't care about any of the charges except for busting his door.

SFL Cat
02-24-2007, 09:15 AM
All of a sudden I start to hear some woman crying out and moaning. There was an alleway between our complex and the one next door. I turned the sound off and listened closely, the moaning continued. I went outside to see if anything was going on and then noticed that it was the girl in the apartment above ours was having sex. I couldn't see anything, but once I was outside it was obvious where the sound was coming from.


Hmmm...I probably would have yelled out, "Hey baby...a little louder please."