Antmeister
08-08-2007, 10:51 AM
Who is this douchebag?
if you cut me, will i not bleed? at the moment i'm answering these, i'm back at work after a great trip to south beach. i have a mild headache. i will try to be the hell atlantic everyone has come to love and enjoy. am i a douchebag? if making my wife happy, loving to laugh and drink makes me a douchebag then sign me up. could be worse. i could have sent thousands of americans to their death in a failed war.
Can you make it through either the question or answer thread without getting boxed?
indeed. i've lost my will to push the limit here. It’d be kinda cool, though, if I were to get banned and this FTB was the last thing I ever did here. This is really a question with a yes or no answer, I can’t think of anything witty to add.
Do you ever regret making boasts about MP FOF, especially when it turns out you can't fulfill them?
no, i do not. first off, because i only do one FOF league at a time i'm able to invest 100% time and energy and passion into the same team. as time goes on the team becomes good since i'm a great FOF GM, and i feel the need to preach to the brothers and sisters. now, where things go wrong is people like to be contrary, and when i start speaking the truth you get the haters who just want to rain on my parade. if i say i have one of the top QBs in the league, people will just pull out any piece of negative stat they can find just to discredit my statements. "oh, but he only scratches his scrotum twice a game - you call that a top QB?" it'd all just be simpler if everyone would just say "yes, you're right, you do in fact have the best QB in the league." "i agree, your team is in fact a contender, you have assembled quite a squad". i get angered when people don't see the greatness associated with my teams, i don't get my props, that in turn makes me feel i need to be even more vocal. i'm like "how can you *not* see what i'm seeing??"
Who is the anti-HA?
i assume you're asking me "who is the opposite of good looking, funny and fun to be around? who is on the dark side of your spectrum of awesomeness that others are illuminated by?", well, that's a very open-ended question. Without giving it too much thought i'm going to say Quiksand. Something tells me when he’s out with the co-workers and they’re all talking about something mindless/funny he’ll chime in and be all “so, who here subscribes to the notion of Nicholas of Cusa’s influence on the creation of nation-states, being that in his mind humans are divine as a result of being made in God’s image? Me? I’m more of a Hobbesian, as I agree that we’re all what he refers to as ‘noble-savages’ and thusly require the authority of a sovereign entity…uhhhh guys? Where’s everybody going???”
Do you still need to speak Greek to get by in Astoria, or is it yuppieville?
as time goes on, all towns change. astoria started to change towards the beginning of the 2000s. i didn't start to miss astoria until 2002, when my wife and i moved to another Queens, New York town called bayside. Astoria still has the highest greek population in the world outside of Greece, but it's a different town. as Little Italy was shown as being much smaller than it used to be in the last episode of The Sopranos, astoria these days has lost much of what i remember it being. there's still some parts that remain the same, but it's not the astoria i grew up in. and there isn't, from what i can see, a huge contingent of yuppies. it's people who can't afford to live in manhattan. i don't think these people go to astoria cuz they absolutely like it - they go there cuz they can't afford $2K+ rent a month and astoria is the next closest thing. i say this cuz i haven't seen a lot of development in astoria to suggest people are using the money they would otherwise spend in manhattan and spending it in astoria.
Who's Dean Houston?
I believe this thread says it all.
http://www.operationsports.com/fofc/showthread.php?s=&threadid=17162
Does the lack of Bell Atlantic's existance make your name less relevant or is it a "throwback to a different era in time?"
i got Hell Atlantic from Bell Atlantic. Hell Atlantic was the name i gave one of my wrestlers in a WWF N64 game my boyeez and i would play every wednesday. i felt Hell Atlantic was a stage-name a real wrestler would use. many a nite was spent using my WWF commentator voice to do Hell Atlantic's play by play. my friends would die laughing. HA was an old man, maybe in his 60's. he was in the Hitler Youth in Nazi Germany, and did many deplorable acts in his time in the Third Reich. Looked like an older, balder version of Lemy from Motorhead. he didn't win much, but he sure was entertaining. I miss those nites.
after my recent South Beach trip with my wife, where we fornicated in the water (Atlantic Ocean), Hell Atlantic now means something else. just so you know, if you're ever in the SoBe area, or anywhere south of Central Florida, you potentially could be swimming in a puddle of my, well, you get the point. i own south florida now. i only hope a stray dolphin gets impregnated by my floating liquid greatness as it swims by, imagine a mutant dolphin-man storming on the beach? how could you even defeat it? I smell a cult-classic B movie here.
How much did you pay dangarion so you could be next?
he respects my awesomeness. no money exchanged hands. because he chose me for this, i now declare if dan and i were on a sinking cruise ship, i would toss him a life preserver. that's saying a lot. of course, that's after i already had found safety. and i would need to be a good distance away from the danger. ok, maybe i wouldn't toss it to him, i would toss it in his general direction. All right, I probably wouldn’t toss anything out, but I would still think of him and hope he made it out just fine. that still counts for something.
Why are you so opposed to posting a picture of yourself? So opposed, in fact, that you wanted someone boxed for it.
just being consistent. i didn't post one before, and before long i couldn't ever think of a special reason to do it. i have a myspace page, if people are that hungry for me, and i wouldn't doubt it, there are ways to find my pic. i wanted your boo boxed cuz since its a pic of me and since i haven't shown any i felt i reserve the right to post my pics and not someone else.
Post a picture of yourself.
i would, if you post a pic of your nipples.
...all three of them.
If I was a carpenter and you were a lady, would you marry me anyway? Would you have my baby?
indeed, a man who can use his hands is an admirable quality. i would marry you. i would have your baby only if you paid for me to get a tummy tuck/boob job after the pregnancy, just to tighten up. getting a man is only half the battle. keeping a man is the other half.
How does it feel to be the last FTB?
I didn’t know this was the last. It’s only fitting that it is, then. Kinda like Hendrix closing out the Monterey Festival. When guitars stars burning and guitar amps start getting humped, you know it’s time to turn out the lights.
Please tell us the story on how a RWBL owner called you at work to apologize for not trading you a guy.
very weird and freaky. his name was RoWhiteSoxGM i think (Rolando was his name). don't know how he got my work phone, must've found out where i worked. Either way he had to have done some research and/or investigatory work. i get on the phone and this guy with a seriously deep voice goes
RoWhiteSoxGM: "can i speak with Anthony Casso".
me: (bewildered) "yes, speaking"
RoWhiteSoxGM: "this is Rolando, the White Sox owner from RWBL. you're Hell Atlantic, right?"
me: (to myself - "huh???") "uhhh, yeah"
RoWhiteSoxGM: "i just wanted to apologize for not accepting that offer you made me. it was a great offer but i had to go with that other one i took.
me: (completely weirded out by this point) "no prob at all. it happens."
RoWhiteSoxGM: "i figured i'd tell you over the phone just so you knew i was being honest. I didn’t want to play you like that. i hope i didn't scare you or anything. hahahaha"
me: "nah, you didn't scare me or anything. I totally understand. well, good luck this season, hope that trade works out for you. we can chit chat more online."
Following up on this, will you actually turn this in on time or will you let it linger cuz you're so pissed so many were chosen before you?
i wasn't pissed so many were chosen before me, it's just we went from some pretty "famous" FOFCers to someone named Drake. I’m more pissed I got boxed for his FTB Question thread.
Do you believe in karma?
No, although I’ll make remarks like “I did it for karma” or “that guy just fucked up his karma”. I’m not religious (though I say my prayers every nite, ironically enough), I don’t buy into this higher power hocus pocus. What I do believe in, however, is positive and negativity. I mean, seriously, that’s what the world is really based on. I believe every time you do good you add to the positivity in the universe. Do something bad, you tipped the balance towards negativity’s favor. I just try to live my life so that I add more positivity to the universe than negativity. no false promises of afterlife. No angels or demons or gods or devils. But, again, I do say my prayers, just in case I’m wrong and there really is a God.
Why does Dodgerchick hate you so much?
I picked on her husband too much. Hey, I don’t dig the parody songs - shoot me.
How much of you is a character as opposed to the real guy behind the keyboard?
i would have to say 25-30%. One of the only things that I do differently is i'm not as quick to give advice in real life as i am here. Even with my friends. My motto is “people can do whatever they want in life, just as long as I don’t have to pay for it”, so I keep my advice/2 cents to myself since most of the decisions the people in my life make don’t wind up affecting me. It’s easy to post since opinions don’t cost any money and I can quickly write what I want and not have to engage in a long, drawn-out conversation that I would in real life. I can make it a very black and white situation. “you are wrong, here is why” and I list the reasons why the person is an idiot or making a fool out of themselves. Since the internet is anonymous I don’t have to sugarcoat my advice with niceties like I would with people I’m close with. regarding the other aspects of Hell Atlantic, the making fun of people (which I don’t do much here these days), the talking about jacking off, being arrogant and having a sense of humor – that’s all me. You people have a pretty good idea of what it’d be like to hang out with me, I wouldn’t act much different. I view myself at FOFC as a cariacature – some features are very overdone, but overall it’s an accurate depiction of the actual person. That’s me. The one other thing I can think that I do in real life that I don’t do in FOFC is be loving. People don’t get the heart that I have. People rather me post about Dean Houston or make fun of someone asking for advice than read what I think about some of the atrocities going on in Africa.
Name five FOFCers who would be able to last five minutes hanging with your boyz in New York.
Maybe Suicane. He’s really weird. I don’t know what the hell he does all day. I’m being honest when I say he kinda bothers me in a scary sort of way. I’m intrigued, but I’m also comfortable keeping him at arms length. Really weird. I think he said he looks after his grandma. I think he’s around my age. I don’t know where he gets the money to buy his marijuana. Also Herst. He’s a music producer so I’m sure he could parlay that into some interesting stories and who doesn’t like to rock? So help him God if he starts talking about Rush. That’s where I draw the line. Maaaaaybe DeToxRox. That’s about it. I was gonna say cthomer, but you said 5 minutes, and we would get tired of him and his surfjam steven crap and his “hey guys, anyone check out [insert “smart” indie movie here]?” around minute 4. Ok, maybe subby, too, but he’d have to come correct straight out of the box. I would vouch for him, so that might buy him a couple minutes, but if he isn’t knocking them out of the park in his first at-bat then he’d get it from us.
[B] Name five FOFCers who are nowhere near as entertaining as they think they are. [/B]
Schmidty. Rkmsurf. Jeeberd (he must think he’s extremely entertaining given how much he’s posted). For a college kid I would think Shorty would be a little more entertaining. That’s all I can think of, I didn’t want to just name 5 people for the hell of it if I only thought 2 or 3 people fit the description.
[B]
Should all drugs be legalized?[/B]
i don't do drugs, only booze. i think drugs should be legalized, but then against i also think we should segregate things. i've said this before, but i think people should be allowed to live their lives any way they want so long as it’s in a designated area. one state could be for people who just want to be on drugs all day. another state should be for average joe, normal people who want to abide by the rules and live in a civilized society. another state could be for chaos and arsonists and other people who thrive on anarchy. another state for people who only want to be around other people in the same religion. the problem with the world is we're all forced to live together, and i don't think that's in the cards for us. you can't put people who want to live in chaos in the same area with people with kids and just want to go to church every sunday or go to the park. The people who want drugs, destruction, mayhem or all of the above deserve to have it, they just shouldn’t impede on those who don’t. but we force everything down everyone’s throats these days. You have to accept everyone, you can’t offend no one. You’re mixing dogs and cats together in some cases and we all know that’s not meant to be. Same principle applies to people.
[B]
What is the best cut of beef? [/B]
filet mignon. my favorite dish is surf n' turf. filet mignon and lobster tail. had it this saturday and it was glorious.
[B]
Did you ever bang an italian hoagie with extra hots and get a dick rash after? [/B]
no. but i have jacked off 10 times in one nite when i was a teen which resulted in me getting scabs for a few days. i got up to 8 times cuz i must've been in heat or something, decided why not do it 2 more times so i can have a nice round number.
[B]
What's your side of the sandwich story? [/B]
It was my friend’s Super Bowl party, and I got the idea to not go to his party – but steal the 6 foot hero he ordered. My wife was in on it, which made it more funny. So we went to the deli, I pretended I was him picking up the order and purchased the hero. We then went around to my mom’s house & my in-laws’ house and took pics of everyone eating the hero. We went home, and with the hero that was leftover I took even more pics, including the now infamous shot of me actually fucking the hero. I then emailed the all the pics to my friends PC and shit all over his party.
[B]
The Beatles or Elvis?[/B]
Neither. Red Hot Chili Peppers. If I had to give an answer to your question, I would side with The Beatles. Late Elvis was a caricature of himself and was the King, but not of rock ‘n roll at that point. The Beatles at least had 2 songwriting geniuses. I respect that.
[B]
Mozart or Beethoven?[/B]
Mozart. I don’t know either’s music, but I know Mozart was a child genius, and I’m fascinated by geniuses so I’ll go with him. Plus I saw that movie about him from the 80’s, I think it was titled “Amadeus”, and thought it was pretty cool.
[B] Mustard or Mayo? [/B]
Mustard. I can roll with mayo for roastbeef/swiss sandwiches, or my favorite – honey maple roasted turkey/American cheese. Yummers.
[B]
KingJackoff77? [/B]
my AOL screen name. I thought it was sooo cool, too. Somewhere out there is a KingJackoff, forcing me to have to use my birth year in the name.
[B]
What are your favorite spots in NYC to:[/B]
[I] Take your wife on a date.[/I]
we love midtown. Less grime; more professionals; excellent after-work drinks scene. Don’t like Times Square, it looks like a giant ToonTown. Waaay too many tourists.
[I]
Drink with the boys.[/I]
Again, I’ll go with midtown. In a 5 block radius is all the bars you will need. I like to do bar crawls in Greenwhich Village (downtown), though, since New York University is down there as is my favorite bar “Culture Club (80’s themed club, they have a DeLorean hanging out of the ceiling!), brings out all the college chicks.
[I] Have an emotional experience. [/I]
Astoria Park. Most of my teen years are on the strip overlooking the manhattan skyline, the Triboro Bridge and the Hellsgate Bridge.
[IMG]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v247/HellAtlantic/astoria_park.jpg[/IMG]
Here is the Hellsgate. That railing you see on the left is where my friends and I would drink our beer and hang, before and during we were of legal age. People would roll by in their expensive cars or some in their whack cars just to see and be seen. If you follow that street down, out of site in this pic, is the tiny hill where I asked my wife to be my girlfriend.
So this is an emotional place for me cuz my formative years were there. Astoria had other places I would hang, but this was on the playlist and was a frequent stop. I don’t go there much, partly cuz I don’t live in Astoria anymore and party cuz I don’t like to get nostalgic. Makes me feel old ,and I happen to have a young spirit.
[B] How many people are on your ignore list here (no need to name names)?[/B]
none. These are just words on a screen, lots of nice ideas floating around but overall nothing that should be taken too seriously. For me to ignore someone is to acknowledge that they can get in my head and bother me, and I don’t want to give anyone that satisfaction. Besides, I believe that if I’m gonna dish it, I have to be able to take it.
[B]Is there anybody you like on this board?[/B]
I like what SkyDog has done in his time as a Youth Counselor. I don’t know anyone here personally, you can only like someone so much just by what they post. I like subby’s posts, I like kodos’ posts, they make me laugh/giggle and it takes a lot to make me laugh/giggle. I like Jim’s posts (when he posts). I don’t know these people from the guy on the corner of my block. I don’t know what any one of you do once you shut your PC off, there could be pedophiles in our midst, or people who run dogfighting rings. I don’t know. I don’t want to know. I’m content to leave things as is, I enjoy the posts of a few handful of guys that have frequented FOFC for years, I log off when I’m done and deal with real life, not worrying or being concerned about internet strangers.
[B] Name 5 people, real or fictional, you'd like to go out for a night on the town with.[/B]
John Frusciante, guitarist of the Red Hot Chili Peppers. Wolverine. Kenny, my best friend. Sal Paradise/Jack Kerouac and Dean Moriarty/Neal Cassady, the two main characters in my favorite alltime novel - Jack Kerouac’s “On The Road”.
[B]What is the origin of the sandwich/sub/hoagie thing? I feel like I've missed something big...[/B]
you have missed something big, Kristin, and if you like I can PM a pic of it. Hint, the something big you’ve missed is between my legs in the picture below:
[IMG]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v247/HellAtlantic/hell-atlantic-hero.jpg[/IMG]
I’m sure my wife won’t mind.
[B]What do you do for a living?[/B]
this changes too often for my liking, but I’m currently in Mutual Funds, an industry where I have a lot of experience. I deal with our shareholders regarding their investments, whether it’s a trade they want to execute, or questions about their particular portfolio, pretty much servicing their accts, and I also generate sales leads in the form of getting them to speak with our Sales team to bring over outside assets to our firm. I don’t think I’ll be doing this much longer, the commute is only 15 minutes from my house but I took the job out of desperation when I was laid off roughly this time last year. Was in the music biz, realized I wouldn’t be able to get into A&R like I really wanted (the guys who sign new acts to contracts), went to a small startup for more money but I guess they were too small thus I was out of a job. Took a paycut to be where I am now, but it was either not take the job and have the job search take a looong time (and I’d have no way to buy my wife Christmas gifts) or I suck it up and be glad that I was only out of a job for 4 weeks. It’s getting to be around that time where we enter the “what have you done for *me* lately”, and I’ve held up my end of the bargain, it’s time for them to show me this can be a financially worthwhile environment.
[B] Tell us about the early years of Hell Atlantics life
[/B] Born, bread and raised in Astoria, ny. Parents divorced when I was 7. just me, my sister and my mom. i met my best friend when we were 5 in kindergarten. We didn’t become best friends until we were 12. we thought we were gonna be rock stars, and probably could have since we look good and had quasi-talent, which is more than what most acts have. At one point in my teen years the group of friends I rolled with split into those who were into rap and those into heavy metal/rock. The heavy metal group was my best friend and myself. We’d have this thing where he’d yell “headbangers vs bald heads” (my white boy friends all shaved their heads like thugs like the group Onyx) and it would be all the rap guys fighting the 2 of us. 5, 6 guys on 2. we honed our fighting skills during these experiences. To the point where now if I had to fight 3 guys, even 4 guys, I would do so without fear. I’m not saying I would win, but I’d like my chances. They got a little too thuggish for my liking, too many got arrested and getting frisked by cops happened more times than it should have due to some troublemakers in our group, so myself, along with my best friend and 3 other guys became our own group. We all went to grade school together, so you’re talking about real long friendships. Even when we merged with another group of friends, it was all Astoria boys and all but 2 or 3 had also went to our grade school. We’re all sons of Astoria. In the early years, as a teen, my best friend and I would go on these long walking trips all around Astoria. Along the way we’d pick up a beer or 6, or maybe a 40 ounce bottle, just walk and talk and walk to Astoria Park, maybe stop by a different park and play handball/basketball, meet up with friends towards the end of the day. I’ll always remember those summers. I must’ve blinked my eyes one too many times, cuz apparently I turn 30 this September and those days were roughly 15 years ago.
[B] Three things you like about yourself/ three things you don't like about yourself?[/B]
[I] Like:[/I]
1. very loving/caring towards my wife. My marriage is the most precious thing I have in my life.
2. I’m gifted with being creative/artistically inclined. I can draw, write, and play music (guitar). ‘tis a shame I wasn’t ever able to parlay either of those 3 into a paying gig. Always felt I wouldn’t be able to make much money, or it would take too long to start making money, but with the paycut I took to go to my current job I probably should have just started over and went into something I had real talent for.
3. I don’t like asking for favors. I look to do things myself, since I don’t like feeling I owe someone a favor. I’m the complete opposite of my mom, who apparently first asks “how can I work it so that I need the help of someone to accomplish this?”
[I]
Dislike: [/I]
1. I have a very short temper. I take my anger out by breaking the things that anger me. The other day I couldn’t get my wireless keyboard that I spent a lot of money on to work, and after 10 minutes I took it and for lack of a better word I essentially “folded” it in half. I put a hole in my guitar once cuz I was trying to play this one part and I couldn’t get it. I would throw my PS2 controller at my PS2 after sucking in a game.
2. I’m extremely short with my mom. she’s a very dependent person for starters, and I don’t agree with some of the decisions she’s made in life that somehow wind up or will wind up impacting me and my sister, resulting in me not being as supportive as a son should be. I didn’t go away for college, I went to St. John’s U before they got dorms, so I was home with her a lot longer than others who got to experience out of state college life, as a result I’m more insistent on living my own life now and keeping her at arm’s length. Some would say that’s a healthy and rightful thing to do – we all need our own space that doesn’t involve our parents. I just hope I don’t wind up regretting things if/when she passes away.
3. inability to navigate my career better. Obviously everyone would love to make more money, duh, I just think I should be at a different stage by now in my career life and wish I would have made better decisions, be it leaving a certain place sooner or staying at a certain place longer. I’m my own harshest critic, and for the rest of my life I will never get over the feeling of being a failure. My wife will tell you differently, so as long as she’s happy with who she has as her husband then I guess I’ll keep my self-complaints to myself. I got a great marriage, my health, and a (so-far, in my mind) weak career. As Meatloaf sang, “don’t be sad, cuz two out of three ain’t bad”.
[B] Favorite all time sports memory?[/B]
I think it was either the ’96, or the ’97 NFL playoffs, whatever year the NBA lockout was. NFC playoff game, San Francisco vs. Green Bay. I didn’t have a horse in that race, and I normally don’t watch sports game that don’t involve a NY team, but it was one of those weekends when you got nothing to do and you flip the channel and oh! Look, a football game is on – a playoff game to boot. So I kept it on. It was a tight game, lots of back and forth scoring. Favre and Steve Young were playing lights out. Since I wasn’t rooting for either team I was just rooting for whomever was on offense. All game long Terrell Owens just wasn’t getting it done. You could tell they wanted to look for him, but whether it was dropped passes or not getting open, he was a non-factor. Last drive of the game, last play of the game, 49ers in the redzone, either Young throws a td to win the game or they lose. He throws it to Owens and Owens catches it in the endzone. As they celebrate on the field they show Terrell Owens crying in Mariuchi’s arms. Mooch himself was tearing. I was tearing. I just remember that moment every time TO runs his mouth or does something stupid. It’s what made me a TO fan, he’s my favorite player in the NFL. Lots of things you can fake, but you can’t fake wanting to win.
That’s the game, the play, that shifted football into my favorite sport slot, and shifted basketball into #2.
[B] Is there/was there/ or never has been, a Mrs. Hell Atlantic?[/B]
there is. September 6 will be our 5 year anniversary. I’m giving up my fantasy football league that I do with my friends so I can afford to get her a more special gift.
[B]
Brunettes or Blondes? [/B]
Brunettes. I don’t like the way blonde vagina looks. Yet, since nowadays most women are shaved down there it’s kinda moot.
[B]
How many 4 year olds could you take on at once and walk away victorious? [/B]
Unlimited. Serious. Now, if you meant to write 5 year olds, I’m going to say 800. 5 year olds have a better grasp of group tactics, so I would expect them to have some sort of basic gameplan. 4 year olds can be squashed, literally. I really want Iraq/Iran to get this started. You mean to tell me they can allow captives to be beheaded, but they’re above sanctioning a BloodFest with 5 year olds?
[B] Why are you so bad at OOTP? [/B]
Baseball isn’t my 1st sport. It’s not my 2nd sport either. I guess I was never able to put it all together the way some people do. From the leagues I’ve been in the commish’s who run teams seem to always do the best, and I think that’s cuz people who know baseball the most and wind up mastering the game the best wind up running the league. I’ve actually been to the playoffs once in a previous FOF league, and that’s cuz I know football better than baseball. And also your league is ridiculously hard.
[B] Were you abused as a child by a man named Dean Houston? [/B]
I’m not going to dignify this question with an answer. I hope your dog gets rabies.
[B] Are you abused today by a man named Dean Houston? [/B]
I hope no one ever pushes you down a flight of steps. I mean it. I don’t want anything bad to ever happen to you. I’m being honest.
[B] What do you do for a living?[/B] [B]What letter grade would you give yourself for your work performance?[/B]
see previous answer. As much as it’s starting to wear down on me, I give myself, at my current job, a work performance of B+. I’ve been given 3 letters commending my performance from our shareholders, so as far as my job is concerned they are pleased with my output. I’d love to move on in the company, and with the numbers I put up (along with those letters of commendation) I have actual proof of what I bring to the firm and not just fluffed up bs we all tend to give our bosses patting ourselves on the back. I have to be in this position for 18 months, which means April of ’08. with family plans drawing near I can’t afford to wait that long, my goal is to have a more financially viable, more long term and rewarding position in place before the first one arrives. My point is if this was any other company I’d be on a faster track to promotion – who requires people to be in the same position for 18 months??? – but since I can’t wait until 4/08, I don’t think this is going to be working out that much longer. We all do what we must, eh?
[B] What was the scariest event you have ever witnessed?[/B]
um, I think 9/11. yeah, definitely. Oklahoma City bombing was a world away – what’s even in Oklahoma City anyway? But working in NYC when 9/11 happened, getting out of the last train to make it out of manhattan into Queens and seeing grown men cry openly and give shrieks of hysteria, that was pretty scary. only one tower was standing when I made it out of the train station in Queens. I asked a guy what happened to the other tower, and he said it fell down. I was extremely bewildered that something like that could even happen. Seconds later, as we stood watching, the last tower fell. We were far enough away that it was a silent fall. Quiet. Majestic. close enough to see the crystalline shards of glass flicker illuminated in the air. That was a very long nite. Went out drinking with the boys, went walking and talking with my best friend until the next morning. I felt guilty about not being in the WTC area, helping out, but thank God I didn’t since many of those that did wound up getting sick from all the toxic inhalation.
[B] Aside from your wife, who are the five most beautiful women in the world?[/B]
1. Marissa Miller (victoria’s secret/sports illustrated model)
2. Jessica Alba
3. Meagan Fox
4. Alessandra Ambrosio (Victoria’s Secret model)
5. Jessica Simpson
[B] Hypothetically, if you were out with your friends and one of them fell in chicken grease and got it all over their clothes, what would you do?[/B]
I would hypothetically use the disposable camera I drunkenly stole from a bar only minutes before and take the pic of it to preserve it for eternity.
[IMG]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v247/HellAtlantic/chickengrease.jpg[/IMG]
[B] If you could go on any reality TV show, which would you choose? How would you fare?[/B]
Real World Las Vegas. That was the best cast and best overall Real World. That season is what changed the entire series. The producers realized it was great for ratings to have no one over 25 years old, all good looking and more interested in banging each other than arguing. Sure, there was some drama, but overall those kids were about sinning. I wouldn’t do good cuz as I stated above, I really do act like Hell Atlantic and as far as I can see from being here it wouldn’t go over too well with the other roommates. But I look good so I’d be able to hook up, and in life that’s all that matters sometimes.
[B] What is your alcoholic beverage of choice? [/B]
Beer=Corona (and nevermind that commercial – it’s ok to fruit the beer. I put lime in mine)
Liquor= Grey Goose and tonic.
[B] Do you regret having said that you wish a bomb would go off in NYC, because you could use the extra breathing space, now that a tragedy similar to that has happened there?[/B]
I can picture myself saying this. I don’t regret saying it. I regret 2 planes flying into the WTC, killing thousands in a tragic event. I don’t live or work in NYC anymore, I moved to the suburbs (Long Island, NY). I have my own property and I drive to work, I’m not forced into an overcrowded situation, so I don’t feel as strongly about needing lots of people to suddenly vanish for my own personal convenience. I obviously made that comment before 9/11/01, which was itself a very long time ago.
[B]Why are you so smart and great? [/B]
I see all the angles. I look two steps down the road. I see how things tie into each other. I’m honest. I give it to you straight. I shake your hand with a strong grip, looking you in the eyes, exuding confidence. People know what they get when they deal with me. This is life. This is me.
[B] What's your favorite area in NYC?[/B]
East Village, Upper West Side or something else entirely Upper West Side (midtown). The Upper West Side bar crawl is 2nd only to the Greenwhich Village bar crawl. UWS is a very nice area. East Village is dingy, but it kinda plays itself to be artfully dingy. Some nice hole-in-the-wall dive bars, but the area overall is not something you’d send home in a postcard. I got nothing good to say about Uptown/Harlem. Only time my friends or myself have went to Harlem is when we’d take the train home drunk to the tits and wound up taking it in the wrong direction. You instantly know you’re not in Kansas anymore when you wake up drunk in Harlem. Different vibe. I don’t like the Upper East Side, no good must-see bars there. UES bar crawl is the worst. I spit on the floor in disgust.
[B] Describe your worst breakup.[/B]
My 1st love. I was a lot more emotional back then, and I think she wanted something rougher and tougher (imagine that). I changed after that. My best friend’s mom once said “girls want to act like girls, and they want guys to be tough and manly. They don’t want guys who act like girls”. I agree with that, so I kinda encouraged different aspects of myself and downplayed other aspects and chiseled myself into the granite specimen of manliness, grit and braun you all know me for.
[B] Does it bother you when so many poster's ask for advice about women on this board? [/B]
Yes, because we all know a message board about a text sim football game is likely to have people well versed in females/relationships. I can just picture all the sexperts in this community right now.
[B] Where can I find some good bath towels? [/B]
Bath towels? I try to air dry. That’s what I did on my south beach vacation. Walked out on to my balcony and just stood around. The hotel room directly across from ours had 2 females that I kept trying to get to see me walking around the room naked. I kept missing them being naked as they would get ready for going out that nite. But I would have the drapes open (as would they), and I would try to make it as inconspicuous as possible cuz I also didn’t want my wife to catch on. Dumb girls never looked into our room. On our honeymoon cruise I once got a talking-to from a ship’s officer/crewman cuz I kept letting the maids catch me naked.
[B] Who's the boss, you or your wife? [/B]
my wife. Some things I don’t care about, so I’m happy to defer to her. The things I care about I wind up deciding on. I like to make her happy, so my decisions deal with “will it make her happy if we do it her way, and how much will this negatively impact me if we do it her way?”.
[B]Do you have the # for a good midget company?[/B]
I do not. But make sure if you order you ask how tall they are, like I was smart to do, cuz one time the guy I was gonna use for a fantasy football draft was gonna be 4’9, which is the tallest possible height a person can be and still be considered a midget. You want a dwarf. They come in smaller sizes.
[B]Being from Astoria, which Goonie do you most relate to?[/B]
huh?? You got the wrong Astoria, dick. That’s the bad Astoria. The fake Astoria. (Astoria, Portland). I really want to have a battle of Astorians, with the losers having to rename their city something else.
[B] Who plays HA in "HA-THE MOTION PICTURE"?[/B]
Many people say I look like Vin Diesel, so I’ll let him play me. I’m taller than him (my friends bumped into him in a Vegas club and said he couldn’t have been any taller than 5’8, if that), so he’d have to rely on some nifty camera angles to make it believable. And he’d need to stick a pomegranate in his underwear, cuz that’s how I roll sssssssson.
[B] What special ability does HA THE ACTION FIGURE have?
[/B]i don't have a witty response for this. i can't think of anything. the obvious would be to mention some type of special dick power, but we're talking about the action figure, not the real life HA, so i don't know what it could have/do. maybe GPS. wouldn't that be cool, you lose your child in a rain forest, so you just check the coordinates of the Hell Atlantic action figure with included GPS and you can locate your child. plus you would never lose the action figure itself.
[B] Has life changed for you after getting a dog? If yes, how and why? [/B]
yes. He’s like our little baby. I knew when we got him we couldn’t just go out whenever we wanted, which is much like having a real child. It has helped us learn how to deal with a life form that depends on us for its needs. I’m always drained when I get home from work (who isn’t?) but since Jack is in a cage for 8-10 hours a day I try to give him as much attention/energy as I can muster. As he has got a little older (he’ll be 2 this December) his need to play constantly has diminished to the point where it seems like he has as much fun just resting on us while we watch TV or letting us kiss/pet him.
[B]Chuck Norris or HA? [/B]
Behind that handle-bar mustache lies a lonely, scared little man. I go with Hell Atlantic.
[B] What's your favorite thread of all-time?[/B]
The “How many 5 year olds could you take” one. That’s a classic. I had some great posts and everyone mostly was chiming in with some good stuff. I was taking it real seriously too. I was getting mad that my wife didn’t want to engage me in conversation about it. I asker her how many she thought she could take and she annoyingly said “I don’t know…5 maybe”, and I was like “how do you figure??? These are only small 5 year olds….”
[B]
If you speak fluently in English and Spanish, what language are your thoughts in?[/B]
La Lingua di Amore
if you cut me, will i not bleed? at the moment i'm answering these, i'm back at work after a great trip to south beach. i have a mild headache. i will try to be the hell atlantic everyone has come to love and enjoy. am i a douchebag? if making my wife happy, loving to laugh and drink makes me a douchebag then sign me up. could be worse. i could have sent thousands of americans to their death in a failed war.
Can you make it through either the question or answer thread without getting boxed?
indeed. i've lost my will to push the limit here. It’d be kinda cool, though, if I were to get banned and this FTB was the last thing I ever did here. This is really a question with a yes or no answer, I can’t think of anything witty to add.
Do you ever regret making boasts about MP FOF, especially when it turns out you can't fulfill them?
no, i do not. first off, because i only do one FOF league at a time i'm able to invest 100% time and energy and passion into the same team. as time goes on the team becomes good since i'm a great FOF GM, and i feel the need to preach to the brothers and sisters. now, where things go wrong is people like to be contrary, and when i start speaking the truth you get the haters who just want to rain on my parade. if i say i have one of the top QBs in the league, people will just pull out any piece of negative stat they can find just to discredit my statements. "oh, but he only scratches his scrotum twice a game - you call that a top QB?" it'd all just be simpler if everyone would just say "yes, you're right, you do in fact have the best QB in the league." "i agree, your team is in fact a contender, you have assembled quite a squad". i get angered when people don't see the greatness associated with my teams, i don't get my props, that in turn makes me feel i need to be even more vocal. i'm like "how can you *not* see what i'm seeing??"
Who is the anti-HA?
i assume you're asking me "who is the opposite of good looking, funny and fun to be around? who is on the dark side of your spectrum of awesomeness that others are illuminated by?", well, that's a very open-ended question. Without giving it too much thought i'm going to say Quiksand. Something tells me when he’s out with the co-workers and they’re all talking about something mindless/funny he’ll chime in and be all “so, who here subscribes to the notion of Nicholas of Cusa’s influence on the creation of nation-states, being that in his mind humans are divine as a result of being made in God’s image? Me? I’m more of a Hobbesian, as I agree that we’re all what he refers to as ‘noble-savages’ and thusly require the authority of a sovereign entity…uhhhh guys? Where’s everybody going???”
Do you still need to speak Greek to get by in Astoria, or is it yuppieville?
as time goes on, all towns change. astoria started to change towards the beginning of the 2000s. i didn't start to miss astoria until 2002, when my wife and i moved to another Queens, New York town called bayside. Astoria still has the highest greek population in the world outside of Greece, but it's a different town. as Little Italy was shown as being much smaller than it used to be in the last episode of The Sopranos, astoria these days has lost much of what i remember it being. there's still some parts that remain the same, but it's not the astoria i grew up in. and there isn't, from what i can see, a huge contingent of yuppies. it's people who can't afford to live in manhattan. i don't think these people go to astoria cuz they absolutely like it - they go there cuz they can't afford $2K+ rent a month and astoria is the next closest thing. i say this cuz i haven't seen a lot of development in astoria to suggest people are using the money they would otherwise spend in manhattan and spending it in astoria.
Who's Dean Houston?
I believe this thread says it all.
http://www.operationsports.com/fofc/showthread.php?s=&threadid=17162
Does the lack of Bell Atlantic's existance make your name less relevant or is it a "throwback to a different era in time?"
i got Hell Atlantic from Bell Atlantic. Hell Atlantic was the name i gave one of my wrestlers in a WWF N64 game my boyeez and i would play every wednesday. i felt Hell Atlantic was a stage-name a real wrestler would use. many a nite was spent using my WWF commentator voice to do Hell Atlantic's play by play. my friends would die laughing. HA was an old man, maybe in his 60's. he was in the Hitler Youth in Nazi Germany, and did many deplorable acts in his time in the Third Reich. Looked like an older, balder version of Lemy from Motorhead. he didn't win much, but he sure was entertaining. I miss those nites.
after my recent South Beach trip with my wife, where we fornicated in the water (Atlantic Ocean), Hell Atlantic now means something else. just so you know, if you're ever in the SoBe area, or anywhere south of Central Florida, you potentially could be swimming in a puddle of my, well, you get the point. i own south florida now. i only hope a stray dolphin gets impregnated by my floating liquid greatness as it swims by, imagine a mutant dolphin-man storming on the beach? how could you even defeat it? I smell a cult-classic B movie here.
How much did you pay dangarion so you could be next?
he respects my awesomeness. no money exchanged hands. because he chose me for this, i now declare if dan and i were on a sinking cruise ship, i would toss him a life preserver. that's saying a lot. of course, that's after i already had found safety. and i would need to be a good distance away from the danger. ok, maybe i wouldn't toss it to him, i would toss it in his general direction. All right, I probably wouldn’t toss anything out, but I would still think of him and hope he made it out just fine. that still counts for something.
Why are you so opposed to posting a picture of yourself? So opposed, in fact, that you wanted someone boxed for it.
just being consistent. i didn't post one before, and before long i couldn't ever think of a special reason to do it. i have a myspace page, if people are that hungry for me, and i wouldn't doubt it, there are ways to find my pic. i wanted your boo boxed cuz since its a pic of me and since i haven't shown any i felt i reserve the right to post my pics and not someone else.
Post a picture of yourself.
i would, if you post a pic of your nipples.
...all three of them.
If I was a carpenter and you were a lady, would you marry me anyway? Would you have my baby?
indeed, a man who can use his hands is an admirable quality. i would marry you. i would have your baby only if you paid for me to get a tummy tuck/boob job after the pregnancy, just to tighten up. getting a man is only half the battle. keeping a man is the other half.
How does it feel to be the last FTB?
I didn’t know this was the last. It’s only fitting that it is, then. Kinda like Hendrix closing out the Monterey Festival. When guitars stars burning and guitar amps start getting humped, you know it’s time to turn out the lights.
Please tell us the story on how a RWBL owner called you at work to apologize for not trading you a guy.
very weird and freaky. his name was RoWhiteSoxGM i think (Rolando was his name). don't know how he got my work phone, must've found out where i worked. Either way he had to have done some research and/or investigatory work. i get on the phone and this guy with a seriously deep voice goes
RoWhiteSoxGM: "can i speak with Anthony Casso".
me: (bewildered) "yes, speaking"
RoWhiteSoxGM: "this is Rolando, the White Sox owner from RWBL. you're Hell Atlantic, right?"
me: (to myself - "huh???") "uhhh, yeah"
RoWhiteSoxGM: "i just wanted to apologize for not accepting that offer you made me. it was a great offer but i had to go with that other one i took.
me: (completely weirded out by this point) "no prob at all. it happens."
RoWhiteSoxGM: "i figured i'd tell you over the phone just so you knew i was being honest. I didn’t want to play you like that. i hope i didn't scare you or anything. hahahaha"
me: "nah, you didn't scare me or anything. I totally understand. well, good luck this season, hope that trade works out for you. we can chit chat more online."
Following up on this, will you actually turn this in on time or will you let it linger cuz you're so pissed so many were chosen before you?
i wasn't pissed so many were chosen before me, it's just we went from some pretty "famous" FOFCers to someone named Drake. I’m more pissed I got boxed for his FTB Question thread.
Do you believe in karma?
No, although I’ll make remarks like “I did it for karma” or “that guy just fucked up his karma”. I’m not religious (though I say my prayers every nite, ironically enough), I don’t buy into this higher power hocus pocus. What I do believe in, however, is positive and negativity. I mean, seriously, that’s what the world is really based on. I believe every time you do good you add to the positivity in the universe. Do something bad, you tipped the balance towards negativity’s favor. I just try to live my life so that I add more positivity to the universe than negativity. no false promises of afterlife. No angels or demons or gods or devils. But, again, I do say my prayers, just in case I’m wrong and there really is a God.
Why does Dodgerchick hate you so much?
I picked on her husband too much. Hey, I don’t dig the parody songs - shoot me.
How much of you is a character as opposed to the real guy behind the keyboard?
i would have to say 25-30%. One of the only things that I do differently is i'm not as quick to give advice in real life as i am here. Even with my friends. My motto is “people can do whatever they want in life, just as long as I don’t have to pay for it”, so I keep my advice/2 cents to myself since most of the decisions the people in my life make don’t wind up affecting me. It’s easy to post since opinions don’t cost any money and I can quickly write what I want and not have to engage in a long, drawn-out conversation that I would in real life. I can make it a very black and white situation. “you are wrong, here is why” and I list the reasons why the person is an idiot or making a fool out of themselves. Since the internet is anonymous I don’t have to sugarcoat my advice with niceties like I would with people I’m close with. regarding the other aspects of Hell Atlantic, the making fun of people (which I don’t do much here these days), the talking about jacking off, being arrogant and having a sense of humor – that’s all me. You people have a pretty good idea of what it’d be like to hang out with me, I wouldn’t act much different. I view myself at FOFC as a cariacature – some features are very overdone, but overall it’s an accurate depiction of the actual person. That’s me. The one other thing I can think that I do in real life that I don’t do in FOFC is be loving. People don’t get the heart that I have. People rather me post about Dean Houston or make fun of someone asking for advice than read what I think about some of the atrocities going on in Africa.
Name five FOFCers who would be able to last five minutes hanging with your boyz in New York.
Maybe Suicane. He’s really weird. I don’t know what the hell he does all day. I’m being honest when I say he kinda bothers me in a scary sort of way. I’m intrigued, but I’m also comfortable keeping him at arms length. Really weird. I think he said he looks after his grandma. I think he’s around my age. I don’t know where he gets the money to buy his marijuana. Also Herst. He’s a music producer so I’m sure he could parlay that into some interesting stories and who doesn’t like to rock? So help him God if he starts talking about Rush. That’s where I draw the line. Maaaaaybe DeToxRox. That’s about it. I was gonna say cthomer, but you said 5 minutes, and we would get tired of him and his surfjam steven crap and his “hey guys, anyone check out [insert “smart” indie movie here]?” around minute 4. Ok, maybe subby, too, but he’d have to come correct straight out of the box. I would vouch for him, so that might buy him a couple minutes, but if he isn’t knocking them out of the park in his first at-bat then he’d get it from us.
[B] Name five FOFCers who are nowhere near as entertaining as they think they are. [/B]
Schmidty. Rkmsurf. Jeeberd (he must think he’s extremely entertaining given how much he’s posted). For a college kid I would think Shorty would be a little more entertaining. That’s all I can think of, I didn’t want to just name 5 people for the hell of it if I only thought 2 or 3 people fit the description.
[B]
Should all drugs be legalized?[/B]
i don't do drugs, only booze. i think drugs should be legalized, but then against i also think we should segregate things. i've said this before, but i think people should be allowed to live their lives any way they want so long as it’s in a designated area. one state could be for people who just want to be on drugs all day. another state should be for average joe, normal people who want to abide by the rules and live in a civilized society. another state could be for chaos and arsonists and other people who thrive on anarchy. another state for people who only want to be around other people in the same religion. the problem with the world is we're all forced to live together, and i don't think that's in the cards for us. you can't put people who want to live in chaos in the same area with people with kids and just want to go to church every sunday or go to the park. The people who want drugs, destruction, mayhem or all of the above deserve to have it, they just shouldn’t impede on those who don’t. but we force everything down everyone’s throats these days. You have to accept everyone, you can’t offend no one. You’re mixing dogs and cats together in some cases and we all know that’s not meant to be. Same principle applies to people.
[B]
What is the best cut of beef? [/B]
filet mignon. my favorite dish is surf n' turf. filet mignon and lobster tail. had it this saturday and it was glorious.
[B]
Did you ever bang an italian hoagie with extra hots and get a dick rash after? [/B]
no. but i have jacked off 10 times in one nite when i was a teen which resulted in me getting scabs for a few days. i got up to 8 times cuz i must've been in heat or something, decided why not do it 2 more times so i can have a nice round number.
[B]
What's your side of the sandwich story? [/B]
It was my friend’s Super Bowl party, and I got the idea to not go to his party – but steal the 6 foot hero he ordered. My wife was in on it, which made it more funny. So we went to the deli, I pretended I was him picking up the order and purchased the hero. We then went around to my mom’s house & my in-laws’ house and took pics of everyone eating the hero. We went home, and with the hero that was leftover I took even more pics, including the now infamous shot of me actually fucking the hero. I then emailed the all the pics to my friends PC and shit all over his party.
[B]
The Beatles or Elvis?[/B]
Neither. Red Hot Chili Peppers. If I had to give an answer to your question, I would side with The Beatles. Late Elvis was a caricature of himself and was the King, but not of rock ‘n roll at that point. The Beatles at least had 2 songwriting geniuses. I respect that.
[B]
Mozart or Beethoven?[/B]
Mozart. I don’t know either’s music, but I know Mozart was a child genius, and I’m fascinated by geniuses so I’ll go with him. Plus I saw that movie about him from the 80’s, I think it was titled “Amadeus”, and thought it was pretty cool.
[B] Mustard or Mayo? [/B]
Mustard. I can roll with mayo for roastbeef/swiss sandwiches, or my favorite – honey maple roasted turkey/American cheese. Yummers.
[B]
KingJackoff77? [/B]
my AOL screen name. I thought it was sooo cool, too. Somewhere out there is a KingJackoff, forcing me to have to use my birth year in the name.
[B]
What are your favorite spots in NYC to:[/B]
[I] Take your wife on a date.[/I]
we love midtown. Less grime; more professionals; excellent after-work drinks scene. Don’t like Times Square, it looks like a giant ToonTown. Waaay too many tourists.
[I]
Drink with the boys.[/I]
Again, I’ll go with midtown. In a 5 block radius is all the bars you will need. I like to do bar crawls in Greenwhich Village (downtown), though, since New York University is down there as is my favorite bar “Culture Club (80’s themed club, they have a DeLorean hanging out of the ceiling!), brings out all the college chicks.
[I] Have an emotional experience. [/I]
Astoria Park. Most of my teen years are on the strip overlooking the manhattan skyline, the Triboro Bridge and the Hellsgate Bridge.
[IMG]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v247/HellAtlantic/astoria_park.jpg[/IMG]
Here is the Hellsgate. That railing you see on the left is where my friends and I would drink our beer and hang, before and during we were of legal age. People would roll by in their expensive cars or some in their whack cars just to see and be seen. If you follow that street down, out of site in this pic, is the tiny hill where I asked my wife to be my girlfriend.
So this is an emotional place for me cuz my formative years were there. Astoria had other places I would hang, but this was on the playlist and was a frequent stop. I don’t go there much, partly cuz I don’t live in Astoria anymore and party cuz I don’t like to get nostalgic. Makes me feel old ,and I happen to have a young spirit.
[B] How many people are on your ignore list here (no need to name names)?[/B]
none. These are just words on a screen, lots of nice ideas floating around but overall nothing that should be taken too seriously. For me to ignore someone is to acknowledge that they can get in my head and bother me, and I don’t want to give anyone that satisfaction. Besides, I believe that if I’m gonna dish it, I have to be able to take it.
[B]Is there anybody you like on this board?[/B]
I like what SkyDog has done in his time as a Youth Counselor. I don’t know anyone here personally, you can only like someone so much just by what they post. I like subby’s posts, I like kodos’ posts, they make me laugh/giggle and it takes a lot to make me laugh/giggle. I like Jim’s posts (when he posts). I don’t know these people from the guy on the corner of my block. I don’t know what any one of you do once you shut your PC off, there could be pedophiles in our midst, or people who run dogfighting rings. I don’t know. I don’t want to know. I’m content to leave things as is, I enjoy the posts of a few handful of guys that have frequented FOFC for years, I log off when I’m done and deal with real life, not worrying or being concerned about internet strangers.
[B] Name 5 people, real or fictional, you'd like to go out for a night on the town with.[/B]
John Frusciante, guitarist of the Red Hot Chili Peppers. Wolverine. Kenny, my best friend. Sal Paradise/Jack Kerouac and Dean Moriarty/Neal Cassady, the two main characters in my favorite alltime novel - Jack Kerouac’s “On The Road”.
[B]What is the origin of the sandwich/sub/hoagie thing? I feel like I've missed something big...[/B]
you have missed something big, Kristin, and if you like I can PM a pic of it. Hint, the something big you’ve missed is between my legs in the picture below:
[IMG]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v247/HellAtlantic/hell-atlantic-hero.jpg[/IMG]
I’m sure my wife won’t mind.
[B]What do you do for a living?[/B]
this changes too often for my liking, but I’m currently in Mutual Funds, an industry where I have a lot of experience. I deal with our shareholders regarding their investments, whether it’s a trade they want to execute, or questions about their particular portfolio, pretty much servicing their accts, and I also generate sales leads in the form of getting them to speak with our Sales team to bring over outside assets to our firm. I don’t think I’ll be doing this much longer, the commute is only 15 minutes from my house but I took the job out of desperation when I was laid off roughly this time last year. Was in the music biz, realized I wouldn’t be able to get into A&R like I really wanted (the guys who sign new acts to contracts), went to a small startup for more money but I guess they were too small thus I was out of a job. Took a paycut to be where I am now, but it was either not take the job and have the job search take a looong time (and I’d have no way to buy my wife Christmas gifts) or I suck it up and be glad that I was only out of a job for 4 weeks. It’s getting to be around that time where we enter the “what have you done for *me* lately”, and I’ve held up my end of the bargain, it’s time for them to show me this can be a financially worthwhile environment.
[B] Tell us about the early years of Hell Atlantics life
[/B] Born, bread and raised in Astoria, ny. Parents divorced when I was 7. just me, my sister and my mom. i met my best friend when we were 5 in kindergarten. We didn’t become best friends until we were 12. we thought we were gonna be rock stars, and probably could have since we look good and had quasi-talent, which is more than what most acts have. At one point in my teen years the group of friends I rolled with split into those who were into rap and those into heavy metal/rock. The heavy metal group was my best friend and myself. We’d have this thing where he’d yell “headbangers vs bald heads” (my white boy friends all shaved their heads like thugs like the group Onyx) and it would be all the rap guys fighting the 2 of us. 5, 6 guys on 2. we honed our fighting skills during these experiences. To the point where now if I had to fight 3 guys, even 4 guys, I would do so without fear. I’m not saying I would win, but I’d like my chances. They got a little too thuggish for my liking, too many got arrested and getting frisked by cops happened more times than it should have due to some troublemakers in our group, so myself, along with my best friend and 3 other guys became our own group. We all went to grade school together, so you’re talking about real long friendships. Even when we merged with another group of friends, it was all Astoria boys and all but 2 or 3 had also went to our grade school. We’re all sons of Astoria. In the early years, as a teen, my best friend and I would go on these long walking trips all around Astoria. Along the way we’d pick up a beer or 6, or maybe a 40 ounce bottle, just walk and talk and walk to Astoria Park, maybe stop by a different park and play handball/basketball, meet up with friends towards the end of the day. I’ll always remember those summers. I must’ve blinked my eyes one too many times, cuz apparently I turn 30 this September and those days were roughly 15 years ago.
[B] Three things you like about yourself/ three things you don't like about yourself?[/B]
[I] Like:[/I]
1. very loving/caring towards my wife. My marriage is the most precious thing I have in my life.
2. I’m gifted with being creative/artistically inclined. I can draw, write, and play music (guitar). ‘tis a shame I wasn’t ever able to parlay either of those 3 into a paying gig. Always felt I wouldn’t be able to make much money, or it would take too long to start making money, but with the paycut I took to go to my current job I probably should have just started over and went into something I had real talent for.
3. I don’t like asking for favors. I look to do things myself, since I don’t like feeling I owe someone a favor. I’m the complete opposite of my mom, who apparently first asks “how can I work it so that I need the help of someone to accomplish this?”
[I]
Dislike: [/I]
1. I have a very short temper. I take my anger out by breaking the things that anger me. The other day I couldn’t get my wireless keyboard that I spent a lot of money on to work, and after 10 minutes I took it and for lack of a better word I essentially “folded” it in half. I put a hole in my guitar once cuz I was trying to play this one part and I couldn’t get it. I would throw my PS2 controller at my PS2 after sucking in a game.
2. I’m extremely short with my mom. she’s a very dependent person for starters, and I don’t agree with some of the decisions she’s made in life that somehow wind up or will wind up impacting me and my sister, resulting in me not being as supportive as a son should be. I didn’t go away for college, I went to St. John’s U before they got dorms, so I was home with her a lot longer than others who got to experience out of state college life, as a result I’m more insistent on living my own life now and keeping her at arm’s length. Some would say that’s a healthy and rightful thing to do – we all need our own space that doesn’t involve our parents. I just hope I don’t wind up regretting things if/when she passes away.
3. inability to navigate my career better. Obviously everyone would love to make more money, duh, I just think I should be at a different stage by now in my career life and wish I would have made better decisions, be it leaving a certain place sooner or staying at a certain place longer. I’m my own harshest critic, and for the rest of my life I will never get over the feeling of being a failure. My wife will tell you differently, so as long as she’s happy with who she has as her husband then I guess I’ll keep my self-complaints to myself. I got a great marriage, my health, and a (so-far, in my mind) weak career. As Meatloaf sang, “don’t be sad, cuz two out of three ain’t bad”.
[B] Favorite all time sports memory?[/B]
I think it was either the ’96, or the ’97 NFL playoffs, whatever year the NBA lockout was. NFC playoff game, San Francisco vs. Green Bay. I didn’t have a horse in that race, and I normally don’t watch sports game that don’t involve a NY team, but it was one of those weekends when you got nothing to do and you flip the channel and oh! Look, a football game is on – a playoff game to boot. So I kept it on. It was a tight game, lots of back and forth scoring. Favre and Steve Young were playing lights out. Since I wasn’t rooting for either team I was just rooting for whomever was on offense. All game long Terrell Owens just wasn’t getting it done. You could tell they wanted to look for him, but whether it was dropped passes or not getting open, he was a non-factor. Last drive of the game, last play of the game, 49ers in the redzone, either Young throws a td to win the game or they lose. He throws it to Owens and Owens catches it in the endzone. As they celebrate on the field they show Terrell Owens crying in Mariuchi’s arms. Mooch himself was tearing. I was tearing. I just remember that moment every time TO runs his mouth or does something stupid. It’s what made me a TO fan, he’s my favorite player in the NFL. Lots of things you can fake, but you can’t fake wanting to win.
That’s the game, the play, that shifted football into my favorite sport slot, and shifted basketball into #2.
[B] Is there/was there/ or never has been, a Mrs. Hell Atlantic?[/B]
there is. September 6 will be our 5 year anniversary. I’m giving up my fantasy football league that I do with my friends so I can afford to get her a more special gift.
[B]
Brunettes or Blondes? [/B]
Brunettes. I don’t like the way blonde vagina looks. Yet, since nowadays most women are shaved down there it’s kinda moot.
[B]
How many 4 year olds could you take on at once and walk away victorious? [/B]
Unlimited. Serious. Now, if you meant to write 5 year olds, I’m going to say 800. 5 year olds have a better grasp of group tactics, so I would expect them to have some sort of basic gameplan. 4 year olds can be squashed, literally. I really want Iraq/Iran to get this started. You mean to tell me they can allow captives to be beheaded, but they’re above sanctioning a BloodFest with 5 year olds?
[B] Why are you so bad at OOTP? [/B]
Baseball isn’t my 1st sport. It’s not my 2nd sport either. I guess I was never able to put it all together the way some people do. From the leagues I’ve been in the commish’s who run teams seem to always do the best, and I think that’s cuz people who know baseball the most and wind up mastering the game the best wind up running the league. I’ve actually been to the playoffs once in a previous FOF league, and that’s cuz I know football better than baseball. And also your league is ridiculously hard.
[B] Were you abused as a child by a man named Dean Houston? [/B]
I’m not going to dignify this question with an answer. I hope your dog gets rabies.
[B] Are you abused today by a man named Dean Houston? [/B]
I hope no one ever pushes you down a flight of steps. I mean it. I don’t want anything bad to ever happen to you. I’m being honest.
[B] What do you do for a living?[/B] [B]What letter grade would you give yourself for your work performance?[/B]
see previous answer. As much as it’s starting to wear down on me, I give myself, at my current job, a work performance of B+. I’ve been given 3 letters commending my performance from our shareholders, so as far as my job is concerned they are pleased with my output. I’d love to move on in the company, and with the numbers I put up (along with those letters of commendation) I have actual proof of what I bring to the firm and not just fluffed up bs we all tend to give our bosses patting ourselves on the back. I have to be in this position for 18 months, which means April of ’08. with family plans drawing near I can’t afford to wait that long, my goal is to have a more financially viable, more long term and rewarding position in place before the first one arrives. My point is if this was any other company I’d be on a faster track to promotion – who requires people to be in the same position for 18 months??? – but since I can’t wait until 4/08, I don’t think this is going to be working out that much longer. We all do what we must, eh?
[B] What was the scariest event you have ever witnessed?[/B]
um, I think 9/11. yeah, definitely. Oklahoma City bombing was a world away – what’s even in Oklahoma City anyway? But working in NYC when 9/11 happened, getting out of the last train to make it out of manhattan into Queens and seeing grown men cry openly and give shrieks of hysteria, that was pretty scary. only one tower was standing when I made it out of the train station in Queens. I asked a guy what happened to the other tower, and he said it fell down. I was extremely bewildered that something like that could even happen. Seconds later, as we stood watching, the last tower fell. We were far enough away that it was a silent fall. Quiet. Majestic. close enough to see the crystalline shards of glass flicker illuminated in the air. That was a very long nite. Went out drinking with the boys, went walking and talking with my best friend until the next morning. I felt guilty about not being in the WTC area, helping out, but thank God I didn’t since many of those that did wound up getting sick from all the toxic inhalation.
[B] Aside from your wife, who are the five most beautiful women in the world?[/B]
1. Marissa Miller (victoria’s secret/sports illustrated model)
2. Jessica Alba
3. Meagan Fox
4. Alessandra Ambrosio (Victoria’s Secret model)
5. Jessica Simpson
[B] Hypothetically, if you were out with your friends and one of them fell in chicken grease and got it all over their clothes, what would you do?[/B]
I would hypothetically use the disposable camera I drunkenly stole from a bar only minutes before and take the pic of it to preserve it for eternity.
[IMG]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v247/HellAtlantic/chickengrease.jpg[/IMG]
[B] If you could go on any reality TV show, which would you choose? How would you fare?[/B]
Real World Las Vegas. That was the best cast and best overall Real World. That season is what changed the entire series. The producers realized it was great for ratings to have no one over 25 years old, all good looking and more interested in banging each other than arguing. Sure, there was some drama, but overall those kids were about sinning. I wouldn’t do good cuz as I stated above, I really do act like Hell Atlantic and as far as I can see from being here it wouldn’t go over too well with the other roommates. But I look good so I’d be able to hook up, and in life that’s all that matters sometimes.
[B] What is your alcoholic beverage of choice? [/B]
Beer=Corona (and nevermind that commercial – it’s ok to fruit the beer. I put lime in mine)
Liquor= Grey Goose and tonic.
[B] Do you regret having said that you wish a bomb would go off in NYC, because you could use the extra breathing space, now that a tragedy similar to that has happened there?[/B]
I can picture myself saying this. I don’t regret saying it. I regret 2 planes flying into the WTC, killing thousands in a tragic event. I don’t live or work in NYC anymore, I moved to the suburbs (Long Island, NY). I have my own property and I drive to work, I’m not forced into an overcrowded situation, so I don’t feel as strongly about needing lots of people to suddenly vanish for my own personal convenience. I obviously made that comment before 9/11/01, which was itself a very long time ago.
[B]Why are you so smart and great? [/B]
I see all the angles. I look two steps down the road. I see how things tie into each other. I’m honest. I give it to you straight. I shake your hand with a strong grip, looking you in the eyes, exuding confidence. People know what they get when they deal with me. This is life. This is me.
[B] What's your favorite area in NYC?[/B]
East Village, Upper West Side or something else entirely Upper West Side (midtown). The Upper West Side bar crawl is 2nd only to the Greenwhich Village bar crawl. UWS is a very nice area. East Village is dingy, but it kinda plays itself to be artfully dingy. Some nice hole-in-the-wall dive bars, but the area overall is not something you’d send home in a postcard. I got nothing good to say about Uptown/Harlem. Only time my friends or myself have went to Harlem is when we’d take the train home drunk to the tits and wound up taking it in the wrong direction. You instantly know you’re not in Kansas anymore when you wake up drunk in Harlem. Different vibe. I don’t like the Upper East Side, no good must-see bars there. UES bar crawl is the worst. I spit on the floor in disgust.
[B] Describe your worst breakup.[/B]
My 1st love. I was a lot more emotional back then, and I think she wanted something rougher and tougher (imagine that). I changed after that. My best friend’s mom once said “girls want to act like girls, and they want guys to be tough and manly. They don’t want guys who act like girls”. I agree with that, so I kinda encouraged different aspects of myself and downplayed other aspects and chiseled myself into the granite specimen of manliness, grit and braun you all know me for.
[B] Does it bother you when so many poster's ask for advice about women on this board? [/B]
Yes, because we all know a message board about a text sim football game is likely to have people well versed in females/relationships. I can just picture all the sexperts in this community right now.
[B] Where can I find some good bath towels? [/B]
Bath towels? I try to air dry. That’s what I did on my south beach vacation. Walked out on to my balcony and just stood around. The hotel room directly across from ours had 2 females that I kept trying to get to see me walking around the room naked. I kept missing them being naked as they would get ready for going out that nite. But I would have the drapes open (as would they), and I would try to make it as inconspicuous as possible cuz I also didn’t want my wife to catch on. Dumb girls never looked into our room. On our honeymoon cruise I once got a talking-to from a ship’s officer/crewman cuz I kept letting the maids catch me naked.
[B] Who's the boss, you or your wife? [/B]
my wife. Some things I don’t care about, so I’m happy to defer to her. The things I care about I wind up deciding on. I like to make her happy, so my decisions deal with “will it make her happy if we do it her way, and how much will this negatively impact me if we do it her way?”.
[B]Do you have the # for a good midget company?[/B]
I do not. But make sure if you order you ask how tall they are, like I was smart to do, cuz one time the guy I was gonna use for a fantasy football draft was gonna be 4’9, which is the tallest possible height a person can be and still be considered a midget. You want a dwarf. They come in smaller sizes.
[B]Being from Astoria, which Goonie do you most relate to?[/B]
huh?? You got the wrong Astoria, dick. That’s the bad Astoria. The fake Astoria. (Astoria, Portland). I really want to have a battle of Astorians, with the losers having to rename their city something else.
[B] Who plays HA in "HA-THE MOTION PICTURE"?[/B]
Many people say I look like Vin Diesel, so I’ll let him play me. I’m taller than him (my friends bumped into him in a Vegas club and said he couldn’t have been any taller than 5’8, if that), so he’d have to rely on some nifty camera angles to make it believable. And he’d need to stick a pomegranate in his underwear, cuz that’s how I roll sssssssson.
[B] What special ability does HA THE ACTION FIGURE have?
[/B]i don't have a witty response for this. i can't think of anything. the obvious would be to mention some type of special dick power, but we're talking about the action figure, not the real life HA, so i don't know what it could have/do. maybe GPS. wouldn't that be cool, you lose your child in a rain forest, so you just check the coordinates of the Hell Atlantic action figure with included GPS and you can locate your child. plus you would never lose the action figure itself.
[B] Has life changed for you after getting a dog? If yes, how and why? [/B]
yes. He’s like our little baby. I knew when we got him we couldn’t just go out whenever we wanted, which is much like having a real child. It has helped us learn how to deal with a life form that depends on us for its needs. I’m always drained when I get home from work (who isn’t?) but since Jack is in a cage for 8-10 hours a day I try to give him as much attention/energy as I can muster. As he has got a little older (he’ll be 2 this December) his need to play constantly has diminished to the point where it seems like he has as much fun just resting on us while we watch TV or letting us kiss/pet him.
[B]Chuck Norris or HA? [/B]
Behind that handle-bar mustache lies a lonely, scared little man. I go with Hell Atlantic.
[B] What's your favorite thread of all-time?[/B]
The “How many 5 year olds could you take” one. That’s a classic. I had some great posts and everyone mostly was chiming in with some good stuff. I was taking it real seriously too. I was getting mad that my wife didn’t want to engage me in conversation about it. I asker her how many she thought she could take and she annoyingly said “I don’t know…5 maybe”, and I was like “how do you figure??? These are only small 5 year olds….”
[B]
If you speak fluently in English and Spanish, what language are your thoughts in?[/B]
La Lingua di Amore