It Rhymes With Puke (A Duke TDCB Anti-Dynasty)

[WussGawd]

Godzilla Blitz skewers Notre Dame in the College Years-based Poop on the Golden Helmets.

Kodos does nasty things to the Cowboys with a fork in the Bill Gates Challenge.

But there are still oh-so-many sacred cows out there to turn into ground chuck...

Just to start,
In the NHL, the Canadiens.
In the NBA, the Lakers.
In the NFL, the Raiders are a prime target.
In MLB, the New York Yankees (I might get around to this one myself as soon as I get used to OOTP5).

And in College Basketball, there's UCLA...whoops...Steve Lavin is already doing that...so we'll just have to pick another target...Duke. Yes, that's right, like Dante, we intend to send the Blue Devils dynasty into the 9th circle of hell.

Before we begin, a few ground rules and administrivia:

1. I'll be using v1.21 of Tournament Dreams with generic rosters.

2. I will be simming, not coaching games, so no I won't be deliberately killing the team with stupid substitution patterns.

3. I will not intentionally dog it during games. Within the confines of the game's coaching AI, I will set up rosters, substitution logic, sets, and strategy sliders to the best of my ability to maximize the talent (or lack thereof) of the team.

4. Each year, I will recruit at least one player that is interested in playing for Duke, regardless of what this does to my overall picture in terms of talent.

5. I will not get rid of players. If someone wants to play for me, they will stay...of course, this doesn't mean I won't make their lives a living hell, but that's another story.

6. I can only get rid of one assistant every two years.

7. I can only recruit one player per year with a GPA less than 2.5.

8. This is the interactive portion of the dynasty. Taking a page from Godzilla Blitz, each year at the end of the season, I will award the following awards, or rather, I will allow *you* the readers to pick the award winners:


The "Diaper-after-a-dinner-of stewed-prunes-and-pickled-beets-Dandy" Award:


This award will go to the freshman on the team who does the most to send Duke to the depths of hell.


The "If I ever hear Dick Vitale say his name again I'm going to go on a 10 state killing spree" Award:


This award will go to the player who sets back our efforts to kill Duke basketball by actually, gasp, looking good at his job.


The "Do you want fries with that #4 Combo?" Award:


This award will go to the worst player to actually survive the full four years of hell I will be turning Duke basketball into.


The "Cameron Indoor Library" Award:


This award will go to the player with significant playing time, regardless of class, who does the most to turn the Cameron Indoor Stadium into a place for quiet contemplation and study.


The "Shuffling Deck Chairs on the Titanic" Pool:"


As you might expect, a dynasty like this has a good chance of ruining the careers of a lot of good assistants. We'll be running a pool to see which one of the start of game assistants stays the longest before leaving like a rat abandoning a sinking ship. The pool will be reset each time we hire an assistant.

That's enough for now. We'll begin the dynasty with the end of the 2002 season (I'll let Coach K have one more year with his team before I send him packing with a suitable back story).

[tucker342]

Take down the Blue Devils!!!


Good Luck!!!:)

[Blade6119]

down with duke!!!!

go Gawd

[DataKing]

Oh, how I detest the Cameron Crazies. :mad:

Excellent choice WussGawd. I'll be following along.

[sterlingice]

In MLB, the New York Yankees (I might get around to this one myself as soon as I get used to OOTP5).
Didn't GB do this as well?

Anyways, down with Duke. Does this mean you are ratboy or that you are firing ratboy?

SI

[WussGawd]

15 July 2002


NBA League Office Approves Sale of Timberwolves

New York (AP) - The New York Post is reporting that David Stern has approved the sale of the Minnesota Timberwolves to a group of financiers led by Washington, DC lawyer Ed Luther.

The Timberwolves became available for sale when their previous owner, David Brown, became embroiled in allegations of insider trading and fraud allegations related to his business dealings as CEO of BigCheese.com, a now defunct internet company that shipped varieties of limburger around the world. Brown is currently doing 5-1/2 years for wire fraud related to his time as CEO.

The controversial Luther, whose firm has served as a principal lobbyist for the controversial environmental activist group PFAAAH (People For Arming Animals Against Hunters) has been outspoken about his desire to move the Timberwolves, which led to a variety of controversial lawsuits in a case that was ultimately decided by the State Supreme Court in May.

The sale is now subject only to a final vote at the summer owner's meeting in Chicago on July 22.

[WussGawd]

22 July 2002

NBA Owners approve sale of Timberwolves. Move Likely.


Chicago (AP)

Owners at the NBA Summer Meetings approved the sale of the Minnesota Timberwolves by a final vote of 24-3 to an ownership group led by Washington lawyer Ed Luther.

Luther, when interviewed about the future of the team in Minnesota, stated simply. "What future? There is no future. The Timberwolves have played their last game in the Target Center."

Luther is apparently considering several locations to move the team to, including Albuquerque, NM, San Diego, CA, Charlotte (which recently lost the NBA Hornets to New Orleans), NC, and Richmond, Virginia.

[Kodos]

Exxxxxxcellent.

[Blade6119]

is there any chance they can go to St. Louis, MO?????

plllleeeaaasssseee....god....we need a team

[WussGawd]

January 12, 2003


Charlotte Fishwrap-Times


Ed Luther to move NBA Timberwolves to Charlotte


In a move that surprised many, Ed Luther, the new owner of the NBA Minnesota Timberwolves, announced today that he has struck a deal with the City of Charlotte to build a new arena and move the Timberwolves.

In a press release, Mr. Luther stated "North Carolina is a wonderful location for basketball, and I'm sure a properly managed team, that cares for its fans and players. I am very excited about this wonderful opportunity to bring NBA Basketball back to the wonderful people of North Carolina."

The move must be approved by league owners, but is considered a formality in light of Mr. Luther's frequently stated goal of moving the team out of the Twin Cities.

[WussGawd]

10 February 2003


Charlotte Fishwrap-Times


NBA approves move of Timberwolves to Charlotte.


In a move that was anticipated, NBA owners unanimously approved the move of the Minnesota Timberwolves to Charlotte.

When asked for his thoughts, owner Ed Luther stated the following: "I am glad to have this done. Now we can concentrate on building the organization in Charlotte."

When asked for information on the likely fate of the current General Manager and coaches of the Timberwolves, Mr. Luther declined comment.

[WussGawd]

12 January 2003


Charlotte Fishwrap-Times


Ed Luther to move NBA Timberwolves to Charlotte


In a move that surprised many, Ed Luther, the new owner of the NBA Minnesota Timberwolves, announced today that he has struck a deal with the City of Charlotte to build a new arena and move the Timberwolves.

In a press release, Mr. Luther stated "North Carolina is a wonderful location for basketball, and I'm sure a properly managed team, that cares for its fans and players. I am very excited about this wonderful opportunity to bring NBA Basketball back to the wonderful people of North Carolina."

The move must be approved by league owners, but is considered a formality in light of Mr. Luther's frequently stated goal of moving the team out of the Twin Cities.

[WussGawd]

Final 2002 ACC Standings

<pre>Duke 25 5 .833 13 3
Wake Forest 22 6 .786 11 5
North Carolina 23 8 .742 11 5
Virginia 21 9 .700 10 6
Maryland 21 8 .724 9 7
Georgia Tech 18 11 .621 7 9
Clemson 12 19 .387 4 12
N.C. State 7 22 .241 4 12
Florida State 7 22 .241 3 13</pre>

[Marmel]

Down with Puke!

[WussGawd]

Originally posted by WussGawd
Final 2002 ACC Standings

<pre>Duke 25 5 .833 13 3
Wake Forest 22 6 .786 11 5
North Carolina 23 8 .742 11 5
Virginia 21 9 .700 10 6
Maryland 21 8 .724 9 7
Georgia Tech 18 11 .621 7 9
Clemson 12 19 .387 4 12
N.C. State 7 22 .241 4 12
Florida State 7 22 .241 3 13</pre>


Sigh...obviously, I'm going to have a long, long way to go, particularly with a recruiting class consisting of two 5-star and three 4-star recruits (#4 Recruiting Class in the Country). Damn you, Coach K

[WussGawd]

ACC Tournament Preview

Here, based on the ACC regular season, is my guess on the tournament bids:

In: Duke (25-5), North Carolina (23-8), Wake Forest (22-6), Virginia (21-9), Maryland (21-8)
Bubble:Georgia Tech (18-11, RCI Rank: 45th)

Georgia Tech needs a couple of wins in the ACC Tournament to truly lock down a bid, but is a lock for the NIT.


ACC Tournament Scores:

Play In Game (March 6, 2003)
#8 NC State 74, #9 Florida State 68


Quarterfinals (March 7, 2003)
#2 North Carolina 91, #7 Clemson 60
#6 Georgia Tech 78, #3 Wake Forest 67
#5 Maryland 86, #4 Virginia 63

Finally, in a game of local disinterest:

#1 Duke 79, #8 NC State 64

Duke took an 11 point lead into the break and never looked back.

Notable Duke performances saw sophomore swingman Cuonzo Owens led all scorers with 18, while junior shooting guard Nick Alston had 6 assists. All 13 Duke players played.


Semifinals (March 8, 2003)
#2 North Carolina 84, #6 Georgia Tech 64


#1 Duke 81, #5 Maryland 68

Duke took a 42-34 lead at the half, and broke it open in the second half before Maryland made a meaningless late game search to make it look closer than it was.

Jim Freeman, senior shooting guard paced the Pukies with 20 points (including 4 of 8 from beyond the arc) and Brad Braswell, junior center had a double-double with 10 points and 10 boards.

The ACC Championship game pits North Carolina against Duke. The two teams each won one point games on the other team's home floor, so it should be a tight matchup.


Finals (March 9, 2003)

#2 North Carolina 80, #1 Duke 76

Finally, some good news for a change. The Tar Heels erase a 44-35 halftime deficit to beat Duke 80-76. :p

Curtis Myer, UNC sophomore shooting guard lights up the Blue Devils with 24, while Nick Alston scores 19 for the losers. The loss may cost Duke a #1 seed.

[WussGawd]

The 2002-2003 NCAA Men's Basketball Championship

#1 Seeds: Arizona, Kentucky, Kansas, Duke

ACC Teams in the Tournament:

East Regional:
#1 Duke vs. #16 Brown
#6 Maryland vs. #11 Georgia Southern

Midwest Regional:
#6 Virginia vs. #11 LSU

South Regional:
#5 Wake Forest vs. #12 Gardner-Webb
#7 Texas Tech vs. #10 Georgia Tech

West Regional:
#3 North Carolina vs. #14 Boise State.

News:

Things keep getting better and better. Nick Alston, our stud shooting guard, has tendonitis of the patella. Gone for the length of the tournament (two months). We'll look at the first round and give scores of all the games tomorrow.

[WussGawd]

First Round Games-NCAA Tournament


#1 Duke vs. #16 Brown-East Regional


ACC Regular Season Champion Duke takes on Ivy League Tournament Champs Brown. Brown finished 4th in the Ivy League during the regular season, but knocked off the regular season champs Dartmouth, then the regular season runner-up Princeton to advance. Brown finished 16-16 in the regular season, including the Ivy League tournament wins, so they were a longshot by any standard.

Sadly, Duke should have no trouble with Brown, despite the loss of 6th man Nick Alston.


Here are the other Thursday, March 13 scores from the tournament:


West Regional:
#6 USC 77, #11 Gonzaga 57
#5 Florida 87, #12 Weber State 73
#4 Wisconsin 85, #13 UNLV 73
#3 North Carolina 84, #14 Boise State 50

South Regional:
#6 Utah 73, #11 Miami (OH) 53
#5 Wake Forest 82, #12 Gardner-Webb 55
#4 UMass 82, #13 Nicholls State 53
#3 Tennessee 86, #14 Arkansas State 65

Midwest Regional:
#9 Missouri 89, #8 Minnesota 55
#7 Louisville 77, #10 Stanford 73
#2 Indiana 94, #15 Evansville 49
#1 Kansas 87, #16 Detroit 52

East Regional:
#8 Temple 70, #9 Oklahoma State 57
#7 Oklahoma 78, #10 Mississippi State 61
#2 Boston College 90, #15 Fairleigh Dickinson 55

Yes, folks, Duke rolled over Brown.

#1 Duke 102, #16 Brown 49

5 guys for Duke were in double figures, led by senior SF David Jones, who scored 21 on 9 for 13 from the field (including 3 of 5 three-pointers). Braswell had 12 rebounds and a block. By contrast, Brown was held to 17 of 53 shooting from the field, including an excruciating 5 of 28 from 3 point range. The score was 51-32 at the half, and got really ugly in the second, as Duke scored another 51 while holding Duke to less than a point a minute with 17.

Duke will face Temple on Saturday in the round of 32, dammit.

Analysis:
Weird, Thursday. One of the frequent complaints about the early versions of TDCB was the fact that top seeds were getting knocked off too frequently, and by decidedly lopsided scores, that was not the case here. The higher seed went 15-1 in Thursday's games, with only #9 Temple beating their higher seeded opponent, though 8 vs 9 really isn't an upset.

We'll see what happens on the 14th.

[WussGawd]

NCAA Tournament Action, Friday, March 14, 2003


Scores:

West Regional:
#9 Washington 80, #8 UConn 55
#10 Iowa 74, #7 Arkansas 65 (OT)
#2 Texas 81, #15 Army 62
#1 Arizona 74, #16 Pacific 51

South Regional:
#9 Syracuse 74, #8 California 59
#7 Texas Tech 69, #10 Georgia Tech 66
#2 Illinois 88, #15 Alcorn State 33
#1 Kentucky 91, #16 Tennessee Martin 58

Midwest Regional:
#11 LSU 69, #6 Virginia 67
#5 Notre Dame 81, #12 Oakland 69
#4 UCLA 87, #13 Birmingham Southern 64
#3 Iowa State 76, #14 Norfolk State 53

East Regional:
#6 Maryland 93, #11 Georgia Southern 45
#12 James Madison 82, #5 Providence 68
#4 Mississippi 93, #13 Binghamton 63
#3 Michigan State 81, #14 Canisius 48


Analysis:
A few upsets today, with the big one being James Madison's romp over Providence. Still over 2 days, the higher seeded team is 27-5 in the tournament, with three of the games won by lower seeded teams being of the 9 vs. 8 variety.

The ACC was 4-2 in the first round, with Georgia Tech and Virginia being the only victims. Duke, North Carolina, Wake Forest and Maryland all make it to the second round.

[WussGawd]

15 March 2002


Charlotte Fishwrap-Times


Charlotte Thunder Will Interview Coack K for GM/Coach position

Anonymous sources within Duke University and the NBA Charlotte Thunder (currently wrapping up their last season in Minnesota as the Timberwolves) have confirmed that Duke coach Mike Kryszewski has been given permission to speak with the Charlotte Thunder about their now vacated positions of General Manager and Coach. Charlotte is currently being coached by interim head coach David Brown, who has been informed that he will not remain head coach at the end of the season, but is welcome to interview for the spot.

One source confirmed that the Thunder will interview Coach Kryszewski, but only after the completion of the NCAA Tournament.

[WussGawd]

2003 NCAA Tournament, Second Round


Preview: #1 Duke vs. #9 Temple.

Temple is 22-11, having finished second in their division in the Atlantic 10. Duke is now 28-6. Temple is a poor rebounding team, as they have been outrebounded on average 36-34. They are a solid defensive team, but struggle on the offensive end at times. Duke has greater depth, defends better, and enjoys balanced scoring. Duke should have little trouble with the Owls to advance to the Sweet 16.

Scores, Saturday, March 15, 2003:

West Regional:
#5 Florida 69, #4 Wisconsin 65
#6 USC 71, #3 North Carolina 62

South Regional:
#4 UMass 75, #5 Wake Forest 67
#3 Tennessee 79, #6 Utah 76 (OT)

Midwest Regional:
#1 Kansas 65, #9 Missouri 62
#2 Indiana 91, #7 Louisville 40

East Regional:
#2 Boston College 71, #7 Oklahoma 57

Yes, Duke trashed Temple. Drat, and double-drat.

#1 Duke 86, #9 Temple 47

This one was never close. Duke took a 40-27 lead into the break, and really blew it open after halftime, outscoring the Owls 46-20 in the 2nd half. Jim Freeman, senior shooting guard paced all scorers with 19 on 9 of 17 shooting, and Duke again had five scorers in double figures. Temple was outrebounded 45-25, coughed up 21 turnovers, and shot a putrid 13 of 47 from the field, including 3 of 20 from 3 point range.

Duke will take on the winner of the James Madison-Mississippi game in the Sweet 16.

Analysis: The higher seed is 6-2 so far on the round, 33-7 thus far in the tournament. Wake Forest and North Carolina both buy the farm, leaving Maryland and Duke alone in the tournament from the ACC.

[WussGawd]

Second Round Action, Sunday, March 16

Final Scores:

West Regional:
#1 Arizona 92, #9 Washington 58
#2 Texas 88, #10 Iowa 65

South Regional:
#1 Kentucky 81, #9 Syracuse 65
#7 Texas Tech 67, #2 Illinois 62

Midwest Regional:
#5 Notre Dame 70, #4 UCLA 65
#3 Iowa State 74, #11 LSU 71

East Regional:
#4 Mississippi 75, #12 James Madison 64
#3 Michigan State 65, #6 Maryland 60

Duke will face Mississippi in the Sweet 16. Maryland loses, dropping the conference record to 5-5 in tournament games, and leaving Duke as the sole representative in the ACC going into the second weekend.

Analysis:
Only two lower seeds win games. The higher seed went 12-4 in this round, 39-9 overall through two rounds. No seed lower than #7 is left standing after the second round and only two lower than 5th seeds at all. All four #1 seeds survive the first weekend, and three each of the #2 and #3 seeds.

[WussGawd]

The Sweet Sixteen, 2003 Edition


Review: #1 Duke vs. #4 Mississippi

Mississippi matches up with Duke very well. Both teams hold their opponents shooting into the high 30's or low 40's. Both teams combine strong defense with a solid balance offense keyed off the break. If there is a difference, Duke forces a few more turnovers, and has better depth. I fear that these two factors will bring us dangerously close to a Final Four appearance.

Scores:

Thursday, March 20, 2003

West Region:
#6 USC 75, #2 Texas 69

South Region:
#3 Tennessee 81, #7 Texas Tech 59

Midwest Region:
#1 Kansas 73, #5 Notre Dame 70

East Region:
#1 Duke 80, #4 Mississippi 73


Duke rolled to a 41-26 halftime lead before a furious Mississippi rally fell short in the second half. BASTARDS.

David Jones scored 19 for Duke along with Larry Robinson if Mississippi to pace all scorers. The game was lost behind the 3 point line. Duke hit 9 of 16 from beyond the arc, Mississippi was a horrid 5 of 25. Otherwise, the game was pretty much a statistical dead heat.

Duke will go on to face the winner of Michigan State vs. Boston College in the Elite Eight.

[WussGawd]

Friday, March 21, 2003


Final Scores:

West Region:
#1 Arizona 76, #5 Florida 65

South Region:
#4 UMass 62, #1 Kentucky 58

Midwest Region:
#3 Iowa State 80, #2 Indiana 69

East Region:
#3 Michigan State 67, #2 Boston College 63

[WussGawd]

Elite Eight, March 22, 2003


Preview: #1 Duke vs #3 Michigan State

These teams are so evenly matched it's scary. Duke is a better offensive club, Michigan slightly better defensively. Again, Duke's depth could be the difference. Both teams are 30-6 on the year.


Final Scores:

Midwest Region:
#3 Iowa State 64, #1 Kansas 53

East Region:
#3 Michigan State 70, #1 Duke 66

WOOHOO!!!!! No Final Four For You, Scumbags!!!!!!

Brad Betz, shooting guard for the Spartans, torpedoes the Duke dreams of a Final four, by leading all scorers with 23 points.

For singlehandedly tearing the hearts out of Duke fans nationwide, Brad Betz has officially made himself a candidate for the Cameron Indoor Library Award...Too bad we won't be giving it out until next year.

And now I keep repeating to myself...no dancing of celebratory jigs in the locker room until everybody else is gone...no dancing of celebratory jigs in the locker room until everybody else is gone...no dancing...

[WussGawd]

Sunday, March 23, 2003. Last of the Elite Eight

South Regional:
#3 Tennessee 75, #4 UMass 64

West Regional:
#6 USC 76, #1 Arizona 65.

The last standing #1 seeds fall in the Elite Eight.


NIT Championship Game:
Georgia 72, Villanova 52

[WussGawd]

Final Four Weekend, 2003

Semifinals:

Michigan State 78, Tennessee 66
Iowa State 63, USC 52

NCAA Championship:

Iowa State 78, Michigan State 72 (OT)

The Iowa State Cyclones win the 2003 NCAA Men's Basketball Title.

And now, the real dynasty begins. When historians mark the beginning of the decline and fall of the Blue Devil Empire, they will remember this date, April 8, 2003. What is the meaning of this date? This and other questions will be answered in the 2003-2004 season of It Rhymes with Puke! (http://dynamic2.gamespy.com/%7Efof/forums/showthread.php?s=&threadid=6202)