D*ckface Roommate: Need advice to not get hosed!

[Mike Lowe]

I have a dipsh*t roommate living with me now. I'm getting married this summer but had a guy move in last April to help lower for rent and bills etc. It's nice and a lot cheaper obviously but man the guy is a tool bag. He goes out to eat EVERY SINGLE MEAL yet is always having to wait a week to pay me his share of the bills and even had his rent late a couple of times (in one year) to our landlord. He is an functional (I guess) alcoholic who is probably the most selfish person I have ever met. It has gotten to the point where I have to be a mom and leave him notes of things like, "please clean up the muddy footprints that have been on the carpet for 3 days" after him coming home in a more than likely drunken stooper (sp).

Anyway, I am counting down the days until he moves out (April fools day, how appropriate). I already have a lease in place with my landlady to stay here until at least the wedding and possibly a few months after that until the fiance' and I find a home we like.

I have been renting here for 2.5 years and my landlady loves me. I actually called her last week to put a plan in place anticipating that my stupid roommate would likely try and steal the place for himself (it's a great condo in the Chicago area for a great price). He hadn't contacted her yet until today I guess. She called me to give me a heads up. She stuck up for me and lied and said that they were selling it and not renting to anyone (our story that she wanted to use to get him out). He even offered to pay more before hearing she wanted to sell it. She does indeed want to sell it but not until this summer at the earliest.

Anyway, my big worry is that this dude is going to never pay me the last month's bills. All of the bills are in my name which is the biggest problem but I have always done it that way for simplicity's sake and 3 roommates later have never been burned as I've lived with some good guys up until this jackass.

Funny thing is, he makes more money than I do but has no control over it. I've seen his credit card bills lying around as well as his credit score (560!?!??!!?!?). He was boasting how he was going to be buying a place a few months ago...I was laughing because I had no idea how he planned to do that when he couldn't even afford 1/2 of the rent each month. Now he is in trouble and he might even have to take a night or two away from the bar to sort things out.

Anyway, I guess I wanted to spat my rant here for others to hear as it's sort of a funny situation...you should see the guy...he looks like Grimmace from McDonald's and has zero friends, no personality, and only worries about making more money and getting ahead of other people. Total tool bag right?

To be honest, a lot of my roommates I didn't even charge them the last month's bills because they were cool and I really didn't care all that much to pester them. This dude though, I don't want him thinking he got away scamming me or something.

Any ideas? Maybe I could post some sweet pictures of the messes he leaves (my landlady wants him out SO BAD...you should see his bathroom WOW!), and his sweet elastic-waist sweaters which show off his awesomly huge love handles.

Anyway, now I'm being a jerk but enough is enough already!

[Karlifornia]

Many love affairs have started out as extreme dislike....

[Mike Lowe]

This is with my camera phone so not the best quality (fiance' of course has the good one with her ha)

This picture doesn't do it justice but those SAME towels and clothes have been laying there for about 4 months. Before that, he had picked up the old ones for one day only to replace them with new ones the following morning. If this is how he treats HIS living space, imagine how the rest of the condo would look if I allowed him to "do his thing" with my stuff. All of the furniture, dishes, EVERYTHING is mine.

http://i43.photobucket.com/albums/e360/Mike47/2-4.jpg

[Mike Lowe]

Obviously, if I could zoom in (I'm not getting that physically close to anything that has touched his nasty body) you could see the true filth. The counters are so nasty. Hair, dust, etc. just everywhere. Now, not that I'm Mr. Clean but I do try and clean at least every two weeks or so if not each week. It's really not that difficult and I like to have people over and don't want to be a slob.

I literally tell people to walk past his bathroom (the shared one in the condo) and use mine...attached to the master bedroom. I just close his door when he's not home.

[Mike Lowe]

Many love affairs have started out as extreme dislike....

Ha that may be the case dude...but I'm not down with Grimmace.

[Flasch186]

how does your camera phone do that cool black fade thing at the top?

[Mike Lowe]

how does your camera phone do that cool black fade thing at the top?

I think what happened was that my camera lens on the phone can be turned 360 degrees on a wheel and I probably had it pointed too closely to the top of the flip-top of the phone and that's either the shadow or part of the phone itself.

Or, it's just the filth from my roommates bathroom.

[Jas_lov]

Can you kick this guy's ass? If you can, then you should threaten physical violence because that always works. If you can't, then try and talk to him face to face and get things worked out instead of leaving little notes everywhere. How old is this guy?

[Mike Lowe]

Unless he tries to sit on my head, I could kick his ass without question and if it weren't for the chance of charges being pressed I probably would have already.

The notes are left because the guy leaves work and is at the bar all night long until he comes home to pass out and go to bed. I'm not kidding, it is 1 or 2 days a MONTH when he is actually home making dinner etc. And let me tell you about his dinner bills...I saw one of those laying around too:

Wednesday night a few months ago (so not a weekend):

$25 bar tab prior to being sat
$50 dinner tab (drinks and food)
$75 for dinner.

He also admittedly drinks slim fast shakes for lunch so he can...and I quote "save calories for beer."

That money was spent on him because it was one dinner and a lot of beer. The few times I took him out when he first moved here to show him the area (before I began to hate him) he REFUSED to let me buy him a drink. Absolutely refused. "I do not buy drinks for ANYONE and I do not want anyone buying me drinks. I drink a lot and know most people cannot keep up so you pay for yours and I'll pay for mine." Okay!

He is 23 or 24 but looks like he is about 35.

Doesn't this story get better and better? I should write a book!

[Mustang]

"I do not buy drinks for ANYONE and I do not want anyone buying me drinks. I drink a lot and know most people cannot keep up so you pay for yours and I'll pay for mine."


At least he doesn't mooch that way so, I'll score him a few points.

May I ask how you allowed yourself to take him in as a roommate? As for getting screwed over, just think of it as payment to get him out of your life.

Or if it makes you feel better, when he gets drunk one night, get a Great Dane to teabag him and post it on the internet.

[Mike Lowe]

I met him through Craig's List. I moved to Chicago from Michigan originally and so most of the people I have met here through work are married.

I like the picture idea. Yeah, like I said the cash isn't my concern it's thinking that he is duping me or something. I guess that really doesn't matter though...I don't know why it bothers me but it does!

I can enjoy the satisfaction of knowing that tomorrow my landlady will be letting him know of her "decision."

Thanks for reading guys! A good night out with the fiance' can make things like this seem as small as they truly are.

[Surtt]

If he doesn't pay, take him to small claims court.

Chances are he wont show and you will get a summary judgment.
Once you get a claim against him you can (in theory) do all sorts of fun things like garnish his wages or impound his car.

[Noop]

My roommate is cool I guess he has girlfriend who is of Indian(from India) descent(sp?) and sometimes the apartment smells like curry which of course seeps into my clothes despite all my efforts to neutralize the smells from coming into my room. Oh, he and his girlfriend like to have wild sex where they moan, yell, roar(yeah like a lion) and other funky sounds they can muster.

I forgot my point. Well he's not slob because we have our own bathroom and he cleans after himself so I guess... in the words of The Afoci

I got nothing

[Flasch186]

it would be awesome if you got into safari hunting garb and waited for him to roar and then jumped into the room with a fake rifle yelling "Crikeys".

[PilotMan]

I had a roommate that I wasn't getting along with at all. He wouldn't let anything come out of my room at all, and if it did, I would find it in a nice pile on my bed later.

He confronted me one day because my gf and I were having frequent, loud sex . I told him to wear earplugs.

Then I told him to leave.

Worked out for me in both ways. :)

[stevew]

document what he doesn't pay you, and then take him to judge judy or something if you can. Small claims court will be very hard to get your judgement, on judy you get paid no matter what

[korme]

My roommate is cool I guess has girlfriend who is off Indian(from India) descent(sp?) and sometimes the apartment smells like curry which of course seeps into my clothes despite all my efforts to neutralize the smells from coming into my room. Oh, he and his girlfriend like to have wild sex where they moan, yell, roar(yeah like a lion) and other funky sounds they can muster.

I forgot my point. Well he's not slob because we have our own bathroom and he cleans after himself so I guess... in the words of The Afoci

I got nothing

Great post :)

[Noop]

it would be awesome if you got into safari hunting garb and waited for him to roar and then jumped into the room with a fake rifle yelling "Crikeys".

LMAO! The roaring is most definitely strange, and threw me off the first time I heard it.