Help me out FOFC: Hedonism

[panerd]

I think I may have damaged a really good friendship (not a best friend, but a close one) with this conversation I had with a friend of mine. He has been dating a girl somewhat seriously for about a year. They don't see other people but they do go out a lot without each other. They both have kids and wierd ex's also so they both have screwed up schedules. Oh and the they don't let their kids interact that much due to the ex's (major red flag) So anyways here is what happened:

My buddie's girlfriend got invited to go to Hedonism for free with a friend of hers who had planned on a trip with her boyfriend but broke up and invited his girlfriend in his place. She accepted and in turn made no offer whatsoever to my buddy to come along. Her friend is also a bit of a slut. (This information may seem odd, but it becomes very relavant for my take on the trip)

I say there is no doubt his girlfriend is going to flirt, play "wing women" a lot, probably mess around, and possibly even sleep with another guy. He says she just wants a free trip to Jamaica for sun and relaxation and that Hedonism isn't that seedy.

I think I really hurt him and worried him when I wouldn't relent that she will be with guys the whole time and could cheat on him but I am trying to be honest with him.

Now I know that more background might be needed from you guys to see how fragile the situation is, but I feel like the trip to a really swanky resort along with the non invite are pretty telling that she is going to have some fun. Do I owe him an apology or am I correct?

[panerd]

Oh and don't search me for my old posts and tell me I am a hypocrite. I know I am. My relationship is still so screwed up that I should be the last one giving advice on anything. But I feel like I owe it to him to be honest with him like my friends have been with me. (Even though I consistantly ignore their advice and try to make it work with a recently divorced woman)

[JonInMiddleGA]

Denial ain't just a river in Egypt ... your buddy has apparently taken up residence there.

Now, that said, it doesn't sound like they got any official claims on each other so if she wants to go play hooky then I think she can do that without much need for explanation but it sounds like she's peeing on his leg & claiming it's rain and that's kind of tacky. Be that as it may, he needs to get a grip if he's buying what she's trying to sell. And you're on solid ground in giving him your take AFAIC (based on the nature of the relationship with him as you describe it).

[sabotai]

I hear that some women don't consider it cheating to have a Caribbean fling.

And they didn't call it Hedonism because they were trying to be ironic.

[DaddyTorgo]

damn - I agree with Jon

[panerd]

I think they both have claims on each other, but I agree there is going to be cheating. I can't impress enough on him that hedonism is not the typical lay in the sun resort. She has him sold on the fact that it is a free trip and she is just going for the free vacation.

[DaddyTorgo]

I think they both have claims on each other, but I agree there is going to be cheating. I can't impress enough on him that hedonism is not the typical lay in the sun resort. She has him sold on the fact that it is a free trip and she is just going for the free vacation.

just point out that it's "clothing optional" and send him to their website, and the internet as a whole. I bet if he googled it he would see some real interesting pages that would make him think twice. If that doesn't set off any bells then in reality he's probably beyond your ability to help.

[Bad-example]

Do I owe him an apology or am I correct?

One should never apologize for speaking from the heart. I'm sorry, that's just the way I feel.

[lighthousekeeper]

I'm impressed that she's able to pull off (a) having children and (b) going to Carribean without them.

[Lathum]

Did he ask you for your opinion?

[Shkspr]

I can't think of a single time my life would have changed for the better if a buddy of mine had warned me a woman I cared about was sleeping around.

I think the non-invite is a non-issue - If Slutgirl and her man were going to go, and Slutgirl invites the GF after her man backs out, that makes it a "girl's trip". Your buddy's presence reduces Slutgirl to a third wheel on her own vacation.

The GF didn't choose that particular resort for the vacation, so I don't know that there's any intent pursuant to that particular resort. Yeah, it'll be more wild than other places, but she wasn't offered a free ride to the other places, either.

There is every possibility that she's going to cheat on him on the trip. Clearly, the relationship the two of them have developed has led to a degree of trust on his part that she will not. They have a history of going out without one another, and yet there isn't any reason offered to think that she has cheated on him in the past, right?

I guess the question in my mind is, how do you know what she's going to do more than he does? If they're going to succeed as a couple, they have to be able to trust one another. If one of them cheats on the other, that trust will be shattered. Both those things are pretty universal. If you convince him she's going to sleep around and she does, it won't make the betrayal any less painful. If you convince him she'll sleep around and she doesn't, then you've put a wedge in their relationship for suggesting she's not worthy of his trust.

[Mustang]

For good friends, I don't think you throw out the cheating card unless you have some level of proof or past history of their significant other. Otherwise, you are pretty much saying "You know, I don't think much of them so, I'm sure they are going to sleep around on you and that's just the way it is."

Could something happen? I guess.. hell, she could get double teamed in the library back by the anthropology books, but no one wants to hear that.

[Shkspr]

hell, she could get double teamed in the library back by the anthropology books, but no one wants to hear that.

Let's not be hasty here.:eek:

[BishopMVP]

Could something happen? I guess.. hell, she could get double teamed in the library back by the anthropology books, but no one wants to hear that.I know. It's finals week, have some respect and stay out of the library.

On the actual situation, it's pretty clear you've impressed that there's a good possibility she'll be cheating down there. I wouldn't apologize, but at this point I'd back off and let the situation play out. Unfortunately there isn't a way to know for sure, but if she's going to cheat, your buddy might as well know as soon as possible, and this is as good an opportunity as there is.

[Philliesfan980]

This thread is useless unless someone posts pics of Slutgirl. Then, and only then, can we make a determination if she will have success in cheating on her man.

[thesloppy]

Ye Godz. The resort is named Hedonism.

Go buy a used dictionary for a dollar, set it on the table in front of him, and just point at it angrily.

[Suburban Rhythm]

This thread is useless unless someone posts pics of Slutgirl. Then, and only then, can we make a determination if she will have success in cheating on her man.

How did it take to post 15 until someone asked for pictures?
I don't even know you people anymore.

[miami_fan]

Is the Hedonism vacation the catalyst for this advice/discussion or have you had similar conversations with him in the past? Based on what you described, she (actually both of them) has had the opportunity to do all of the things at home that you suspect she is going to do at Hedonsim during the past year. The only thing that is different is this time she will be around naked men instead of clothed ones.

[thesloppy]

Ye Godz. Again.

I mean really, even IF he's naive enough to believe his girlfriend is actually only going along for fun in the sun, he needs to realize that nobody else at Hedonism got that memo, and the majority of the resort will still spend the entirety of the trip trying to bone her any which way possible. That's the whole goddamn point of the place. Would you want your girlfriend to spend two continuous weeks in a singles bar, even if it 'wasn't a very seedy' singles bar? And if you thought your relationship held any worth, would either of you actually look forward to such a situation? Does he really expect her to say, "Oh I'm sorry, I have a boyfriend who's not here right now" 2000 times?

[wade moore]

Ye Godz. Again.

I mean really, even IF he's naive enough to believe his girlfriend is actually only going along for fun in the sun, he needs to realize that nobody else at Hedonism got that memo, and the majority of the resort will still spend the entirety of the trip trying to bone her any which way possible. That's the whole goddamn point of the place. Would you want your girlfriend to spend two continuous weeks in a singles bar, even if it 'wasn't a very seedy' singles bar? And if you thought your relationship held any worth, would either of you actually look forward to such a situation? Does he really expect her to say, "Oh I'm sorry, I have a boyfriend who's not here right now" 2000 times?

Yeah, seriously.

The whole point of this place is having sex. It's why it exists.

I do agree that your work is probably done here, but anyone that thinks she's going to be Mary Poppins is fooling themselves big time.

[Shkspr]

So you pull your buddy aside, and tell him there are two envelopes, and in one envelope is the number of guys she'll have sex with on the trip, and the number in the other envelope is either twice as much or half as much. Should he switch envelopes?

[rkmsuf]

So basically your buddy had no idea about this before you mentioned it?

Is he full functioning?

[ISiddiqui]

Yeah.... this sounds pretty bad. Now, its a little bit better since her gf recently broke up with her bf and invited her to come along, but still.. the type of place this is, well, lets just say it is more than just "being a good friend". Unless she has no idea what this place is either and thinks its just like a Sandals.

But, I think your work here is done. You lodged your concerns. While you may feel that you have to fully inform him of everything, that just ends up badly. You told him what you thought and he didn't want to hear it. That's the end of the story. Later he may tell you he's sorry he didn't listen, but if you keep pushing it you'll really mess up a friendship.

[Eaglesfan27]

One should never apologize for speaking from the heart. I'm sorry, that's just the way I feel.

Very well played.


I agree with the majority of the posters in this thread. Hedonism has its reputation for a reason and that would set off MAJOR red flags if my girlfriend wanted to go without me or my friend's girlfriend wanted to go there without my friend. I think you were right to voice your concerns. I'd point him to their website.

[MikeVic]

I don't think the trip was planned for SlutGirl and her bf at all! I think it was just a plan to get the other girl to go!

[Pumpy Tudors]

I don't think the trip was planned for SlutGirl and her bf at all! I think it was just a plan to get the other girl to go!
giggity

[Mustang]

I don't think the trip was planned for SlutGirl and her bf at all! I think it was just a plan to get the other girl to go!

Maybe she planned it to get the other girl.

giggity giggity

Or maybe it is an all girls week at Hedonism and there is going to be an attempt to create the worlds longest daisy chain.

:eek:

[panerd]

Well it sounds like we are mostly in agreement here. Shkspr does make some good points though. I guess the crux of me and my friends arguement is whether it is a sex resort or not. I admit I am going purely off what I have heard second hand or read and have never been there or know anyone who has been. Is that true for everyone who responded? His thing is that it's reputation far exceeds what actually happens and she will not even be tempted as the people looking for sex are there but not in high numbers. I think I am right, but would love to hear someone with first hand knowledge either back me up or back him up.

[wade moore]

It's a sex resort.

[panerd]

In our initial conversation I told him to go to a whorehouse and tell her that you just want to see what goes on there and then subscribe to adultfriendfinder.com just to see what kind of people are there and then hit a singles bar or strip club for a week straight and see if she is "cool" with it. But he was laughing then until he realized that I was actually implying that his girlfriend might actually have sex. Then it got ugly and drawn out.

[Desnudo]

Either way, please provide pics,thx

[Cap Ologist]

Tell him not to worry, I'll take really good care of her while she's there with me.

[JediKooter]

It's a sex resort.

I agree. It's not like Dave & Busters...is it a bar or a arcade? There is no ambiguity about what Hedonism is and what goes on there.

[rkmsuf]

I agree. It's not like Dave & Busters...is it a bar or a arcade? There is no ambiguity about what Hedonism is and what goes on there.

so you are saying they don't have SkeeBall?

[Cringer]

I need to know if the two chicks will be getting it on at any point, or possibly in a threesome together. This makes all the difference to me.

[Lathum]

Mental Note- Erase computers history before wife gets home

[johnnyshaka]

Oddly enough, about 10 years ago one of my best buddies' GF (now his wife) was in the same situation...her friend had a trip to Hedonism booked with her BF but they broke up before the trip. She asked my buddy's GF to join her for the free trip. She said she had a great time and said that it was nothing like what she thought it was going to be like. She was expecting there to be people having sex all over the place and people running around in the buff. She said she didn't see one naked person other than on the beach and obviously nobody having sex. If you wanted to see or participate in that stuff, you had to go looking for it. Granted, it is easier to find there...but you have the choice to participate or not.

[Logan]

but it sounds like she's peeing on his leg & claiming it's rain and that's kind of tacky.

I don't know what I laughed at more...the analogy or the "kinda tacky." :)

I can't think of a single time my life would have changed for the better if a buddy of mine had warned me a woman I cared about was sleeping around.

Depends on the buddy. I have a small number of friends who I would absolutely trust and take it to heart if they gave me that warning, because I know they wouldn't take that risk unless they had a legitimate reason to feel that way.

His thing is that it's reputation far exceeds what actually happens and she will not even be tempted as the people looking for sex are there but not in high numbers.

Wow. This is sad.

[Mizzou B-ball fan]

so you are saying they don't have SkeeBall?

No, they have SkeeBall. It's just that 'rolling balls' takes on a whole new meaning in the Hedonism arcade.

[Shkspr]

I'm sure you've planted enough doubts in her boyfriend's head to make sure they have a fight about the trip that ends with her fucking everyone in sight to get back at him, even if she wasn't planning on screwing around before. Hindsight is 20-20, but self-fulfilling prophecies can see the stitching on the ball as it crosses home plate.

[Eaglesfan27]

Well it sounds like we are mostly in agreement here. Shkspr does make some good points though. I guess the crux of me and my friends arguement is whether it is a sex resort or not. I admit I am going purely off what I have heard second hand or read and have never been there or know anyone who has been. Is that true for everyone who responded? His thing is that it's reputation far exceeds what actually happens and she will not even be tempted as the people looking for sex are there but not in high numbers. I think I am right, but would love to hear someone with first hand knowledge either back me up or back him up.


Like Wade said, I have colleagues who I know who tell me it is definitely a sex resort. Anyone who tells you it isn't is BS'ing.

[Logan]

Oddly enough, about 10 years ago one of my best buddies' GF (now his wife) was in the same situation...her friend had a trip to Hedonism booked with her BF but they broke up before the trip. She asked my buddy's GF to join her for the free trip. She said she had a great time and said that it was nothing like what she thought it was going to be like. She was expecting there to be people having sex all over the place and people running around in the buff. She said she didn't see one naked person other than on the beach and obviously nobody having sex. If you wanted to see or participate in that stuff, you had to go looking for it. Granted, it is easier to find there...but you have the choice to participate or not.

He bought all that bullshit? ;)

[Logan]

I'm sure you've planted enough doubts in her boyfriend's head to make sure they have a fight about the trip that ends with her fucking everyone in sight to get back at him, even if she wasn't planning on screwing around before. Hindsight is 20-20, but self-fulfilling prophecies can see the stitching on the ball as it crosses home plate.

If that's how she would actually choose to get back at him, this relationship was already fucked before this issue came up.

[Shkspr]

If that's how she would actually choose to get back at him, this relationship was already fucked before this issue came up.

And if she wouldn't choose to get back at him that way, the relationship became fucked up the moment panerd convinced the boyfriend she was a whore.

[chesapeake]

You've made him aware of what can happen at Hedonism, and presumably he has talked with his GF about any concerns he may have. Ultimately, he has decided that he trusts her enough not to do anything that might upset him. Who are any of us to say that he is wrong?

Honestly, if cheatin' were in her heart, it would come out regardless of whether she was going to Headonism or not. Better that your buddy finds out on the front end of the relationship than after getting married and having 2 kids.

[oliegirl]

I think as a friend, there comes a time where you have to just accept that you've said your peace and there is nothing else you can do but wait for the shit to hit the fan and then be there as a friend for that person. It sounds like that is the situation you are in. I'd definitely make amends with your friend, not saying an apology is required, but just let him know you have said your peace and whatever happens, you are there for him. Isn't that what you would want if you were in his place?

[st.cronin]

Its possible your buddy knows what will happen but isn't being open with you about it.

[JonInMiddleGA]

Who are any of us to say that he is wrong?


Well, in this case, we're the people who got asked the question.

[JAG]

For what it's worth, when my wife I and went on our honeymoon to Jamaica, we visited Hedo III one morning. Sure the resort has other things to offer besides sex, but there's also mirrors on the ceilings in the bedroom and over the tub, nude and clothing optional beaches (and we observed someone sunbathing topless on the 'prude' beach as well), and a VERY interesting list of resort-sponsored activities going on (the tamest one I recall was the wet t-shirt contest).

[cartman]

One of my buddies and his wife had their wedding ceremony at Hedonism. That is one wedding I regret not being able to attend.

[Greyroofoo]

Just tell your friend to make sure his girl stays away from Hedonism Bot

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/0/0e/Hedonism_Bot.JPG

I apologize for nothing...

[JediKooter]

so you are saying they don't have SkeeBall?

I'm not sure about Skeeball, but, I'm pretty sure there are activities that do include balls.

[rkmsuf]

bocce?

[JediKooter]

The Italian guy?

[thesloppy]

Do you speak Bocce?

What I REALLY need is a droid that understands the binary language of moisture vaporators.




...OK, I'll go shoot myself in the head now.

[MikeVic]

The Italian guy?

jbmagic?

[JediKooter]

jbmagic?

jbmagic is going to Hedonism?

[MikeVic]

I think so!

[cartman]

Try to score with one drunk she and she say no, try to score with two drunk chicks. If they say no, try to score with four drunk chicks. If eight drunk chicks say no, maybe Hedonism not for you.

[Cap Ologist]

Try to score with one drunk she and she say no, try to score with two drunk chicks. If they say no, try to score with four drunk chicks. If eight drunk chicks say no, maybe Hedonism not for you.

Gold.

[JediKooter]

Try to score with one drunk she and she say no, try to score with two drunk chicks. If they say no, try to score with four drunk chicks. If eight drunk chicks say no, maybe Hedonism not for you.

That could really be exponentially bad for your self esteem.

[Fidatelo]

So you pull your buddy aside, and tell him there are two envelopes, and in one envelope is the number of guys she'll have sex with on the trip, and the number in the other envelope is either twice as much or half as much. Should he switch envelopes?

This is my favorite post in a thread full of hilarious posts.

[Izulde]

It's not cheating if you live in different states.

She'll be living in a state of Hedonism and he'll be living in a state of Lonely Porn Nights.

[sterlingice]

Just tell your friend to make sure his girl stays away from Hedonism Bot

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/0/0e/Hedonism_Bot.JPG

I apologize for nothing...


Dammit. Someone beat me to posting Hedonism Bot

SI