The Official FOFC TMI Thread

[oliegirl]

With all the talk about gray pubes, taints not being washed, etc...I decided that rather than spread the TMI in threads where some unsuspecting reader could find it, it was better to put it all in one place...

So come on FOFC, share that really inappropriate information about yourself, your loved ones (please don't share names, we need to protect the innocent!) and let's really get to know one another!

[SirFozzie]

Sorry, I already had my TMI moment in my Face the Board :)

[Izulde]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v324/Izulde/owlisee.jpg

[SteveMax58]

I have successfully taught my sons (4 & 2 yrs old) that whenever somebody farts, to point to my wife and say, "Mommy farted!"

I consider this one of my proudest achievements as both a mentor and a parent.

[Raiders Army]

My wife is too smart for the cupped hand. I fart, cup my hand, and take it from my ass to her face, usually tenderly touching her cheek and telling her I love her.

[KWhit]

The last two posts make me proud to be an American. Or sad, I can't decide which.

Oh yes I can.

[Cringer]

I am masturbating right now.

[BishopMVP]

Sometimes at night, the ice weasels come.

[DeToxRox]

When I take a shit I am really proud of, I take pictures of it with my phone and send it to my best friend, girlfriend and dad.

[DeToxRox]

I didn't wash my home jersey my entire senior year when I played hockey. Finally my coach made me wash it before our District game because it had blood all over it. When I finally washed it, I realized it wasn't blood, just a lot of mold and other shit.

[Cringer]

When I take a shit I am really proud of, I take pictures of it with my phone and send it to my best friend, girlfriend and dad.

I didn't wash my home jersey my entire senior year when I played hockey. Finally my coach made me wash it before our District game because it had blood all over it. When I finally washed it, I realized it wasn't blood, just a lot of mold and other shit.

Would this be the same shit from your first post?

[DeToxRox]

Would this be the same shit from your first post?

There was a claim it may've been.

FWIW, I just shit and it was a clean wipe. I was in and out in five minutes.

[Dr. Sak]

Today during my softball game I sharted.

[Dr. Sak]

Last week in best buy I farted by these two kids. One was about 5 and the other 7. I crop dusted by them and went into the next isle. I then laughed hysterically as they blamed each other for pooping in their pants.

[DeToxRox]

Crop duster, very nice. Vetrean presence from you on that one.

[DeToxRox]

Oh, also from my hockey days.

I used to shave a D in my pubes, or an arrow pointing down if I was feeling saucy. Everyone on the team had their first initial. Team unity.

[Anthony]

when i was a young lad i went outside in my backyard, took a steaming shit (literally, it was steaming like a fucking science experiment) behind my garage and wrapped it in a really big leaf and threw it into someone else's yard.

[Pumpy Tudors]

I don't have anything to add.

[Anthony]

i just jacked off to pretend rape porn that was in another language.


YAY!!!

[TCY Junkie]

I don't have anything to add.
That doesn't matter, multiplying is what turns women on.

[Chief Rum]

I wipe to white.

I don't leave the stall until there ain't even a hint of a stain coming from a full wipe. My ass could be bleeding from the friction and the house on fire, and I wouldn't leave without a clean ass.

[Schmidty]

I don't leave the stall until there ain't even a hint of a stain coming from a full wipe.

You use public restrooms??? :jawdrop:



I have literally driven off of the side of the road, went into whatever brush foliage I could find, and taken a shit, instead of using a public restroom. I keep little kleenex packages in my truck just for those occasions.

Hell, I even carry around purell and use it anytime I come in contact with money, door nobs, after touching other people's hands, etc. I also brush my teeth at least 4-5 times a day.

My wife compares me to that Monk guy.

[Suburban Rhythm]

I got some last night...finally...after like a 4 week dry spell.

[Eaglesfan27]

I got some last night...finally...after like a 4 week dry spell.

Married or not married?

[Kodos]

Sometimes I get the urge to push the car in front of me out into the intersection.

[Pumpy Tudors]

I got some last night...finally...after like a 4 week dry spell.
Thanks for explaining why my wife was in such a good mood this morning, because she wouldn't tell me shit.

[Dr. Sak]

Thanks for explaining why my wife was in such a good mood this morning, because she wouldn't tell me shit.

We ran the tricycle on her and topped it off with an Effie Tower shot. Pics to be posted at a later date.

[gottimd]

I hide the bodies.

[Lorena]

My wife is too smart for the cupped hand. I fart, cup my hand, and take it from my ass to her face, usually tenderly touching her cheek and telling her I love her.

Is this before of after you thank her for dinner?

[Cringer]

I hide the bodies.

This is actually not enough information. I am pretty sure you hide the bodies after you violate them.

[gottimd]

This is actually not enough information. I am pretty sure you hide the bodies after you violate them.

No, I violate them, then I hide from the bodies, expose myself then violate them, rehide them, violate myself and see if I can find them because I have short term memory and start the cycle all over again.

[Suburban Rhythm]

Married or not married?

With a post like that, any doubt I am married?? With a 4 year old and 1 1/2 year old. Actually, 4 weeks probably isn't that bad of a wait, considering...

Thanks for explaining why my wife was in such a good mood this morning, because she wouldn't tell me shit.

...I never said with my wife, I just said I got some.

[Dr. Sak]

SR actually gave her a dirty sanchez which he properly renamed a Crosby Stache.

[Suburban Rhythm]

The other part of my TMI confession....is that Pumpy's wife and I did all of this while parked in the fire lane.

[TCY Junkie]

I hope you didn't have to pay more than 30 dollars for that.

[Pumpy Tudors]

The other part of my TMI confession....is that Pumpy's wife and I did all of this while parked in the fire lane.
NOW THIS IS GOING TOO FAR

Here's TMI from me: My wife is boarding a plane for Detroit in a few hours. While her plane is in the air, I'm going to be sleeping with a young blonde woman in a conference room here at work. It's true.

[Pumpy Tudors]

Dola

When the blonde gets off the phone, I'm going to go over to her cubicle and give her permission to "beat the hell out of me" while we're busy in the conference room. I'm going to use those exact words. I am not making any of this shit up.

[JeeberD]

A conference table would be much too hard for me too sleep comfortably on it. I need lots of pillows and stuff...

[Pumpy Tudors]

A conference table would be much too hard for me too sleep comfortably on it. I need lots of pillows and stuff...
That's a good point. I think we probably won't get on the table, then. I hadn't thought of that.

[Flasch186]

while waiting tables I used to crop dust religiously and swore that if you could tear the roof off of the building and set up a top-down infrared camera you'd be able to follow me around the restaurant with very little breaks in between the fart trails. Incredible how much dusting comes when working at a restaurant while you're eating all night.

[Dr. Sak]

while waiting tables I used to crop dust religiously and swore that if you could tear the roof off of the building and set up a top-down infrared camera you'd be able to follow me around the restaurant with very little breaks in between the fart trails. Incredible how much dusting comes when working at a restaurant while you're eating all night.

See this brings me to something I was telling my friends while drinking a few weeks ago. How great would it be to have glasses that could tell when people farted. You'd see a green mist around them...what would be even funnier is if you wore them and you noticed that this prissy girl was the one that stunk everyone out of the bar.

[Raiders Army]

Is this before of after you thank her for dinner?

Definitely before. I love the aroma of my farts (not anyone else's) with food. Sometimes they smell like the food I ate.

[Lorena]

Definitely before. I love the aroma of my farts (not anyone else's) with food. Sometimes they smell like the food I ate.

For maximum intensity, let one loose while under a blanket.

[Dr. Sak]

For maximum intensity, let one loose while under a blanket.

DUTCH OVEN!

[Raiders Army]

For maximum intensity, let one loose while under a blanket.

Ah, yes. I like to let them percolate before lifting the sheets. Much more pungent.

[Raiders Army]

The crop dusting really made this thread about farts.

[Coffee Warlord]

Ah, yes. I like to let them percolate before lifting the sheets. Much more pungent.

Let 'em age like a fine wine.

[Dr. Sak]

Dola

When the blonde gets off the phone, I'm going to go over to her cubicle and give her permission to "beat the hell out of me" while we're busy in the conference room. I'm going to use those exact words. I am not making any of this shit up.

I hope she eats onion rings off your toes!

[Pumpy Tudors]

I hope she eats onion rings off your toes!
This didn't happen, but everything else was successful. She even brought a young brunette friend with her, and I got sandwiched between them.

The worst part is that I really had to pee afterwards.

[MikeVic]

You could've used the bloop bloop hose.

[Lorena]

You could've used the bloop bloop hose.

He can always just tie it in a knot.

[M GO BLUE!!!]

I am a hairy man.

[MikeVic]

I have hairy arms.

[M GO BLUE!!!]

I have hairy arms.

Do you collect them?

[Dr. Sak]

I once got busy in a Burger King bathroom.

[oliegirl]

I once got busy in a Burger King bathroom.

I worked at a BK one summer and got it on with my coworker/boyfriend in the big walk in freezer...

[Lorena]

I worked at a BK one summer and got it on with my coworker/boyfriend in the big walk in freezer...

did you see shrinkage?

[Buccaneer]

Wipe to white.

I hate to eat cold food that's meant to be hot, so I tend to eat very fast. Usually too fast as I don't chew meat, vegetables or pasta very well. You can imagine what happens next.

[Raiders Army]

I swear, corn re-constitutes itself in my belly. I shit out corn on the brown cob.

[oliegirl]

did you see shrinkage?

Oh no, there was nothing shrinking anywhere in that freezer :devil:

[DeToxRox]

Back when I was 19, my buddy and I did a girlfriend swap for a night. It was awesome. Then we broke up with both of them.

[Suburban Rhythm]

Back when I was 19, my buddy and I did a girlfriend swap for a night. It was awesome. Then we broke up with both of them.

Just for clarification, which one did you break up with- your girlfriend or his?

[DeToxRox]

Honestly, sex and shit are all I got in the TMI category. The only other "TMI" thing I can think of was on Spring Break in Key West, my buddy went slump busting (played baseball).

So he got a more rotund girl, and brought her back to the room. He proceeded to whistle and on cue we burst out of the bathroom as he pulled off an amazing Rodeo Clown.

For those not familiar, the guy is doing the girl from behind, latching on tight to the breasts of said female. Then his buddies burst out and clap and stuff as the girl bucks like a bronco away.

It's probably pretty mean but I think she dug it considering she didn't leave after.

[DeToxRox]

Just for clarification, which one did you break up with- your girlfriend or his?

I broke up with mine. These two girls were good friends too. Then of course, after, not so much. They blamed each other for their respective breakups.

[DeToxRox]

Dola .. the kid in said Rodeo Clown story plays D1 hockey for a school out East. Let's just say the cat came out of the bag that the Rodeo Clown apparently made quite a triumphant comeback.

[Suburban Rhythm]

Oh no, there was nothing shrinking anywhere in that freezer :devil:

Home of the Whopper

[oliegirl]

Home of the Whopper

ROFL

Truer words have never been spoken

[Dr. Sak]

I am currently hooking up with a secretary at work...who is around 15 years old than I am. A definite cougar! No biggie, but the kicker is I dated her daughter for a month last Christmas.

Yes the mom knows I dated her daughter because she is the one that set us up.

[DeToxRox]

I am currently hooking up with a secretary at work...who is around 15 years old than I am. A definite cougar! No biggie, but the kicker is I dated her daughter for a month last Christmas.

Yes the mom knows I dated her daughter because she is the one that set us up.

Oh man. That is fucking phemoninal. I'm impressed.

[Karlifornia]

i just jacked off to pretend rape porn that was in another language.


YAY!!!

I've got tears in my eyes. Well done......


Link?

[Karlifornia]

EDIT: Mysogynistic braggadocio removed. Sorry to anyone who was unfortunate enough to read it

[Neon_Chaos]

I eat aborted duck fetuses.

edit: needs picture for TMI.

edit2: no, that was not the one I ate, but it's close enough.

http://listverse.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/09/balut.jpg

[Fidatelo]

:(

[Ksyrup]

I am currently hooking up with a secretary at work...who is around 15 years old than I am. A definite cougar! No biggie, but the kicker is I dated her daughter for a month last Christmas.

Yes the mom knows I dated her daughter because she is the one that set us up.

There's a thread on another board I post at that chronicles the relationship of a 20-something postal worker who happened to get it on with a 50-something single woman on his route. The initial thread title was something about "should I tell my parents I'm dating a 50-year old?", but it turns out she's 59 and he's 27. Good, good times in that thread.

You can see why I have to broaden my horizons from this board...

[Cringer]

I am currently hooking up with a secretary at work...who is around 15 years old than I am. A definite cougar! No biggie, but the kicker is I dated her daughter for a month last Christmas.

Yes the mom knows I dated her daughter because she is the one that set us up.

Very nice. Once again though I find this as not enough information.

[Fidatelo]

There's a thread on another board I post at that chronicles the relationship of a 20-something postal worker who happened to get it on with a 50-something single woman on his route. The initial thread title was something about "should I tell my parents I'm dating a 50-year old?", but it turns out she's 59 and he's 27. Good, good times in that thread.

You can see why I have to broaden my horizons from this board...

I'm guessing that thread delivers.

*ba-dump bump*

[Fidatelo]

dola

We need to push this thread to the next page so I can stop accidentally scrolling past that duck pic :(

[Cringer]

That thing looks nasty. Especially when I am trying find my daughter something for breakfast and I look and know for a fact that the eggs in our fridge are so old they could possibly have little baby chicks dead inside of them and I wouldn't know.

[oliegirl]

That thing looks nasty. Especially when I am trying find my daughter something for breakfast and I look and know for a fact that the eggs in our fridge are so old they could possibly have little baby chicks dead inside of them and I wouldn't know.

NC's picture and Cringers post are the reasons I don't eat eggs. There are no words to describe how disgusting that is :(

[Eaglesfan27]

That duck is really gross.

As far as the wipe to white thing, I thought everyone did that? I do.

I'm also a very hairy man and had bad self esteem about this when I was younger and dating.

[Dr. Sak]

That duck makes me want to vomit.

The sad part is that I really liked her daughter, but she lives in Tennessee and works in the music business, is hardly ever home, and doesn't want kids. I could possibly deal with the moving but I want kids.

The mom is hot plus she was agreeable to the idea of riding the tricycle with me and one of her other hot cougar friends.

[Suburban Rhythm]

That duck makes me want to vomit.

The sad part is that I really liked her daughter, but she lives in Tennessee and works in the music business, is hardly ever home, and doesn't want kids. I could possibly deal with the moving but I want kids.

The mom is hot plus she was agreeable to the idea of riding the tricycle with me and one of her other hot cougar friends.

Is it TMI that I raced to the end of bsak's last sentence to see if it said 'riding the tricycle with me and her daughter' ?

[Flasch186]

Last night I ate wings. started feeling crappy about midnight. by about 330am I was puking the chicken back up and the feeling of fairly whole pieces of chicken coming back up is not a good feeling. Crapped about 4 times and generally got about 4 hours of sleep total, divided into 4 1 hour segments.

[MikeVic]

My self esteem isn't as high as it could be I guess. I'm pretty critical of my flaws.

[Dr. Sak]

I'm also a very hairy man and had bad self esteem about this when I was younger and dating.

I am 25% Italian and 25% arab so you can imagine how hairy I am. I shave in the morning and I look like I need another one by noon.

[Lorena]

When I lived in Mexico we'd go on walks to this river a few miles from our house and there were times when I had to go real bad.. no restroooms around so we just went behind a bush and did our business. No paper so we'd grab whatever was out there, most of the time it was rocks.

[Dr. Sak]

ROCKS!?!?!

[Dr. Sak]

Dola...

I never got busy in a Burger King bathroom. I just had heard the Humpty Dance and that line stuck in my head.

[Cringer]

I am 25% Italian and 25% arab so you can imagine how hairy I am. I shave in the morning and I look like I need another one by noon.

And that is just your butt cheeks isn't it?

[Dr. Sak]

And that is just your butt cheeks isn't it?

I could clothe many people with the hair from my ass.

[Flasch186]

BTW, I forced myself to throw up using my Sonic toothbrush. I wasnt about to wait for the vomit to creep up on me during one of my hour naps. So up came the chicken...and a lot of pink stuff.

I think i have an ulcer.

[Neon_Chaos]

Chew when eating. :)

[Dr. Sak]

I hate to throw up so much that I refuse to do it. Three months ago I had the stomach flu and I thought I was going to puke. I actually held it down because I hate the burning sensation that comes in your mouth and nose from puking. I am vomit free since 2003!

[Lorena]

ROCKS!?!?!

Yeah, I used a corncob once.. no lie!

[Dr. Sak]

Didn't ever occur that after a few times of this happening to just slip a few kleenex in your pocket :)

[Flasch186]

Yeah, I used a corncob once.. no lie!

Well that's nothing, most the crap has corn in it anyways. Let me know when you use a piece of glass or something, than Ill be impressed.

...or a sonicare toothbrush.

[Lorena]

I hate to throw up so much that I refuse to do it. Three months ago I had the stomach flu and I thought I was going to puke. I actually held it down because I hate the burning sensation that comes in your mouth and nose from puking. I am vomit free since 2003!

Grats!

Yeah I hate vomitting too, it feels awful.

[KWhit]

Yeah, I used a corncob once.. no lie!

The craziest thing I've ever wiped my ass with is... Wait for it....

Paper towels!


(Oh and that one time I used my roommate's German Shepherd).

[Fidatelo]

vomiting is the closest feeling I can imagine to actually dying. I refuse to partake, the vomit has to physically overcome me before it has its way.

That said, I've had a couple of serious bouts of vomiting in the last 3 years. Yuck.

[Lorena]

I hate the kind of vomit that comes unexpectedly.

[Lorena]

bump again so we don't see the little ducky.

[Fidatelo]

thank you!

[Suburban Rhythm]

So it would be in bad taste to quote the message with the picture in it?

[Lorena]

So it would be in bad taste to quote the message with the picture in it?

YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Flasch186]

are you talking about this picture?

sucker

[MikeVic]

This is a better duck pic:
http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2008/03/procreationfail.jpg?w=500

[Lorena]

are you talking about this picture?

sucker

damn

This is a better duck pic:
http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2008/03/procreationfail.jpg?w=500

lol

[Dr. Sak]

One time I was golfing and had to take a shit so bad. I felt like Harry Dunn in Dumb and Dumber. I was running around trying to find a port a potty...then I just panicked, dropped my pants and sat on a garbage can right by the tee. There was a bag on the can so it wasn't that bad. I ended up throwing a ton of grass over the shit...but it was so nasty.

The most embarrassing shit story I have is I was in High School and just got back from watching my high school play baseball, with a girl I liked at the time. So we go back to her house. I am over come with the worst shit pains. So I calmly ask where the bathroom is.

She points me to the one in the basement. So I go in there and leave a massive dump...stinks the place up. I then overhear her tell her mom that I was using the downstairs bathroom...her mom then says..."Why did you tell him to use that one? The fan doesn't work and the toilet doesn't flush well."

I freak out. I tried opening the window and it won't open. I try wafting the smell into the ceiling tiles. Then after about 15 flushes and 15 minutes I get it all down. I walk out of the door and realize that the smell has lingered into the basement where her and her dad were watching TV. So I calmly say "well I gotta go home now...see you later."

That was the end of that potential relationship...or should I call it relationshit.

[MikeVic]

Oh man that basement one sucks!!

[oliegirl]

One time I was golfing and had to take a shit so bad. I felt like Harry Dunn in Dumb and Dumber. I was running around trying to find a port a potty...then I just panicked, dropped my pants and sat on a garbage can right by the tee. There was a bag on the can so it wasn't that bad. I ended up throwing a ton of grass over the shit...but it was so nasty.

The most embarrassing shit story I have is I was in High School and just got back from watching my high school play baseball, with a girl I liked at the time. So we go back to her house. I am over come with the worst shit pains. So I calmly ask where the bathroom is.

She points me to the one in the basement. So I go in there and leave a massive dump...stinks the place up. I then overhear her tell her mom that I was using the downstairs bathroom...her mom then says..."Why did you tell him to use that one? The fan doesn't work and the toilet doesn't flush well."

I freak out. I tried opening the window and it won't open. I try wafting the smell into the ceiling tiles. Then after about 15 flushes and 15 minutes I get it all down. I walk out of the door and realize that the smell has lingered into the basement where her and her dad were watching TV. So I calmly say "well I gotta go home now...see you later."

That was the end of that potential relationship...or should I call it relationshit.

We need to pool our resources and find out who Bsak's cougar is, then forward her this story :D

[gottimd]

I eat aborted duck fetuses.

edit: needs picture for TMI.

edit2: no, that was not the one I ate, but it's close enough.

http://listverse.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/09/balut.jpg

:devil: :devil: :devil: :devil: :devil: :devil:

[Fidatelo]

I'm not sure whether to stop coming to this thread or start putting people on my ignore list. :(

[Dr. Sak]

That picture is going to make my vomit streak end.

[Lorena]

well shoot

[gottimd]

I'm not sure whether to stop coming to this thread or start putting people on my ignore list. :(

Is it ok if I PM you the picture?

[Pumpy Tudors]

Only one of the following things is not true:

1. I showed my nipples to a room full of women at work.
2. I showed part of my underpants to a room full of men at work.
3. I ejaculated on myself at home during a Saints playoff game, and I had to walk through a room and past my mother in order to clean myself up.
4. I blew kisses to a group of 11-year-old girls in church.
5. I ate battery acid more than once.
6. In college, I announced to an entire class that I'd rather have sex with a dog than with one of my female classmates.
7. I dressed up like a ninja at work and silently stood next to the company president for 5 minutes while he was working and in a bad mood.
8. I ate a Twinkie.

[Fidatelo]

Is it ok if I PM you the picture?

:(

[Cap Ologist]

Only one of the following things is not true:

1. I showed my nipples to a room full of women at work.
2. I showed part of my underpants to a room full of men at work.
3. I ejaculated on myself at home during a Saints playoff game, and I had to walk through a room and past my mother in order to clean myself up.
4. I blew kisses to a group of 11-year-old girls in church.
5. I ate battery acid more than once.
6. In college, I announced to an entire class that I'd rather have sex with a dog than with one of my female classmates.
7. I dressed up like a ninja at work and silently stood next to the company president for 5 minutes while he was working and in a bad mood.
8. I ate a Twinkie.

8 is obviously false

[Cringer]

Since there are crapping stories, I will toss one from the road in.

Shreveport, LA, just last year. I have to crap driving into town and getting on the loop. I was planning on going to a truck stop to take care of my problem, no a big deal as I don't have to go that bad anyways. I then blow a tire.

I stop to check the damage, not good. The tire blew and the chunk still hanging on ripped into my air bag on the tractor. I can't move the truck. Normally I could limp to the truck stop for repair but not with the torn air bag (important things like brakes and suspension, like the air bag, have air as a major part of the system. a big leak like this screws you). So I make the call to breakdown, they get road service on the way. The guy gets out there after two hours, at this point I really have to crap. He screwed up and didn't bring an air bag so he has to go back. I know when he gets back it will be another hour plus before the repairs are even made so I can move.

So the guy leaves, and as I am sitting on the side of the freeway I open all windows, go into the sleeper of the truck in front of the bed, and shit into a plastic bag. I wipe with napkins. I then go and stick the bag of crap up under the trailer where I know the road service guy won't see it, but it will fall once I start driving. Thankfully the truck aired out kind of quickly. The bad part was I hate littering, but felt I had no real option there.

[Lorena]

I must confess... I've peed in a swimming pool.

[Eaglesfan27]

I hate to throw up so much that I refuse to do it. Three months ago I had the stomach flu and I thought I was going to puke. I actually held it down because I hate the burning sensation that comes in your mouth and nose from puking. I am vomit free since 2003!

Same here. One of the worst sensations in the world. I haven't vomited since I drank too much in 1998.

Edit: Forgot that I threw up after oral sedation for a dental procedure last year. However, I was so out of it that I only know I did so because my wife told me the next day.

[Suburban Rhythm]

We need to pool our resources and find out who Bsak's cougar is, then forward her this story :D

Stole my idea...was going to ask if nothing happened with the girl, what about the mom?

[JediKooter]

I'll never understand people's fascination with their fecal follies.

[JeeberD]

I must confess... I've peed in a swimming pool.


Who hasn't?

[Suburban Rhythm]

Who hasn't?

She wasn't in the pool when it happened, actually standing on the deck.

[korme]

I barebacked a MILF with fake boobs Sunday night and then took down another girl the next morning at my buddy's house, but this time I strapped up. It was a wonderful 14 hour span.

[oliegirl]

I barebacked a MILF with fake boobs Sunday night and then took down another girl the next morning at my buddy's house, but this time I strapped up. It was a wonderful 14 hour span.

This post makes me thankful that I will never have to date again.

What is the minimum age difference between the guy and girl to qualify her as a cougar?

[Suburban Rhythm]

This post makes me thankful that I will never have to date again.

What is the minimum age difference between the guy and girl to qualify her as a cougar?

What, don't think you can hang with the competition? ;)

As far as the question...not sure...I know the minimum follows the 1/2 + 7 rule, but this would be in the other direction.

[Raiders Army]

The shit stories make me laugh. I thank Cringer and bsak for sharing. The sex stories, while good, just sound like Cliff's Notes Penthouse Letters.

What's up with the rocks and corncob?

[Dr. Sak]

Well in my case the daughter is 4 years younger than me. So I think her mom classifies as a cougar.

[oliegirl]

What, don't think you can hang with the competition? ;)

As far as the question...not sure...I know the minimum follows the 1/2 + 7 rule, but this would be in the other direction.

Well, when I was 34 I "dated" a 22 and a 23 year old...does that qualify me as a cougar?

[Fidatelo]

totally.

[oliegirl]

totally.

Good to know :)

[Neon_Chaos]

Good to know :)

Rawr.

[Neon_Chaos]

I ate grilled chicken intestines today.

http://my_sarisari_store.typepad.com/photos/uncategorized/2007/03/16/isaw_ng_manok.jpg

[Schmidty]

I ate grilled chicken intestines today.

http://my_sarisari_store.typepad.com/photos/uncategorized/2007/03/16/isaw_ng_manok.jpg

What's next? Panda shit?

[Neon_Chaos]

What's next? Panda shit?

You never know. Filipino delicacies are like an all-star edition of Fear Factor.

[duckman]

When I was married, my wife and I had sex in her parents' bed while they were away for a trip.


We didn't wash the sheets.

[cartman]

I've seen st.cronin's and Lathum's women (+ Lathum's sister in law and also Captain2711) wearing very revealing outfits. Unfortunately, I didn't think to snap a couple of pics.

[cartman]

Dola,

FWIW, it was decided during dinner that Captain2711 is Saldana's "mini-me".

[Suburban Rhythm]

Well, when I was 34 I "dated" a 22 and a 23 year old...does that qualify me as a cougar?

Well, based on the formula, yes.

But based on the formula, these 26 year old teachers with a 15 year old boy also would be, and I don't think that's right.

[Dr. Sak]

I think to be a cougar you have to be at least over 40. In my mind cougars are MILFs that are getting close to being GILFs.

[Suburban Rhythm]

I think to be a cougar you have to be at least over 40. In my mind cougars are MILFs that are getting close to being GILFs.

I have to believe GILF is an urban legend. Don't think I've ever seen one.

[Dr. Sak]

I have to believe GILF is an urban legend. Don't think I've ever seen one.

I bet you've seen one and didn't even realize it.

[Ksyrup]

I've seen a couple late-30s/early-40s GILFs.

[Fidatelo]

I think Cougar's can be in their 30's. Part of being a cougar is the age, but part is the look in their eye.

[Neon_Chaos]

Rawr.

It's got real panther bits.

[Eaglesfan27]

I bet you've seen one and didn't even realize it.

No kidding. At a professional meeting last year, I saw this colleague who looked amazing - phenomenal body, great face, definitely hittable (if I wasn't married.) I started talking to a friend of hers and found out she was 53! Of course, she had a lot of work done to look like a hot 30 year old.

[Neon_Chaos]

Isn't the socially acceptable dating formula "half your age + 7?"

[Dr. Sak]

Isn't the socially acceptable dating formula "half your age + 7?"

Well if that's the case than I am not socially acceptable. Last year I had a "relationship" with a college sophomore. I was 28 and she was 19. Cool girl...she is coming to stay with me for a weekend next month.

I should refresh my supply of Viagra.

[Suburban Rhythm]

Well if that's the case than I am not socially acceptable.

For reasons other than being a Flyers fan?

[Dr. Sak]

For reasons other than being a Flyers fan?

Look who's talking. You fawn over a 19 year old boy...at least mine is a female.

[Suburban Rhythm]

Look who's talking. You fawn over a 19 year old boy...at least mine is a female.

Jordan Staal?

No way...that falls out of the range based on 1/2 +7. I'm more of a Ryan Whitney guy.

[Pumpy Tudors]

Rawr.

It's got real panther bits.
What? Your lunch?

[Dr. Sak]

Jordan Staal?

No way...that falls out of the range based on 1/2 +7. I'm more of a Ryan Whitney guy.

I'm talking about Cindy...your man crush.

I took you more for a Stiegy guy anyway.

[Suburban Rhythm]

I'm talking about Cindy...your man crush.

I took you more for a Stiegy guy anyway.

Would Steigy qualify as a cougar?

[Pumpy Tudors]

Would Steigy qualify as a cougar?
oh dear god

[oliegirl]

Well if that's the case than I am not socially acceptable. Last year I had a "relationship" with a college sophomore. I was 28 and she was 19. Cool girl...she is coming to stay with me for a weekend next month.

I should refresh my supply of Viagra.

So wait, you are sleeping with a cougar in your office whose daughter you dated at one point, and you have a 19 or 20 year old coming to you for a weekend long booty call next month?????

Every man here must now bow down before you and praise your name...

Seriously.

[Dr. Sak]

I'm sure Shorty pulls his fair game. So no one needs to bow to me.

[Flasch186]

I think I may be getting a cold so Ill try to get some pictures of any entities I cough up.

[Pumpy Tudors]

8 is obviously false
By the way, you're right.

[Dr. Sak]

One word of advice for those wanting to hook up with a cougar...

When having sex with them, they don't appreciate if you hum/sing the tune/words to Mrs. Robinson.

[oliegirl]

One word of advice for those wanting to hook up with a cougar...

When having sex with them, they don't appreciate if you hum/sing the tune/words to Mrs. Robinson.

Just keep chanting "Plastics" instead :p

[Lorena]

http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2008/06/failredo-27.jpg

[Dr. Sak]

Im surprised he uses lube. I thought he'd just use the grease from his hair.

[BrianD]

Im surprised he uses lube. I thought he'd just use the grease from his hair.

...and what, sticks his head up her ass first?

[Pumpy Tudors]

...and what, sticks his head up her ass first?
That would explain the perpetually pained look on her face.

[MikeVic]

Looks like two dudes.

[Dr. Sak]

And the look of bewilderment on his.

[TCY Junkie]

There may be people on here smarter than me, but I don't think there is anyone here with more nipples than me. Pumpy, I'm talking about nipples that are part of you, not just in your huge hands or the ones super glued to you.

[path12]

Am I the only one who looks forward to TCY Junkie posts?

[MikeVic]

There may be people on here smarter than me, but I don't think there is anyone here with more nipples than me. Pumpy, I'm talking about nipples that are part of you, not just in your huge hands or the ones super glued to you.

But how many assholes do you have?

[Dr. Sak]

Figures you of all people would ask that question.

[MikeVic]

I hear Mike Richards has three.

[Dr. Sak]

His girlfriend has two huge Cannons!

[Pumpy Tudors]

I hope I never have to get into a battle of wits with TCY Junkie.

Oh, substitute the word "wits" with the word "nipples." Thanks.

[GoldenEagle]

I had a dream last night about Pumpy Tudors and his blonde and brunette friends being on a HBO special. It was very disturbing.

[MikeVic]

What was disturbing about it?

[Dr. Sak]

I had a dream last night about Pumpy Tudors and his blonde and brunette friends being on a HBO special. It was very disturbing.

Are you sure it wasn't an episode of Oz?

[Pumpy Tudors]

I had a dream last night about Pumpy Tudors and his blonde and brunette friends being on a HBO special. It was very disturbing.
The blonde told me that she and the brunette hang out for 10 minutes before work every morning. I don't know what they're doing, but they get to work an hour and a half before I do. I think I may start coming in early just to see what's going on.

[Pumpy Tudors]

Are you sure it wasn't an episode of Oz?
THEY'RE GIRLS

[path12]

Are you sure it wasn't an episode of Oz?

Always awkward to get the clothes off the lady and find the jailhouse tat.

Or the penis.

[Pumpy Tudors]

Always awkward to get the clothes off the lady and find the jailhouse tat.

Or the penis.
Damn, how'd you know about my wedding night?

In other news, the blonde was supposed to show me something today, but another chick got busy with her right before I could get all up in there. She came over afterwards to apologize, but before she could get the words out, she noticed my cans and reprimanded me.

So, yeah, I guess that shit is pretty much over now.

[TCY Junkie]

Am I the only one who looks forward to TCY Junkie posts?
No, I have to delete my messages daily because I get so many request to post more.

But how many assholes do you have?

I have three in my immediate family. Since were on this topic, my grandpa accidentally let two cows inbred and their calf died after a couple of days because it had no way to poop.

I hope I never have to get into a battle of wits with TCY Junkie.

Oh, substitute the word "wits" with the word "nipples." Thanks.

I would do ok just as long as anything goes, I should put up somewhat of a challenge.
I can't stay on topic, wait you said nipples so you definitely would NOT want to battle me, especially if anything goes. I have this one nipple move that is outlawed in most states.

[Chief Rum]

But how many assholes do you have?

Probably not as many as FOFC. :)

[Chief Rum]

I have three in my immediate family. Since were on this topic, my grandpa accidentally let two cows inbred and their calf died after a couple of days because it had no way to poop.

Damn, why did he let it eat? Masochist.

[TCY Junkie]

Since we are talking about poop, every guy should now this.
If you eat like a big tube of blue icing it will turn your poop green.
But don't use it as an excuse to get out of girly things with your wife to much or if your the only source of income because your wife will have you down at the hospital the next day if not sooner.

[TCY Junkie]

This has got to be the worst timing of TMI ever. I don't think it is funny, but thats probably because I thought my penis was dead for ten seconds.

I am sitting waiting for some food with my brother and his wife. When she starts talking about one of her friends. She asked me if I met her at their weeding and I told her no. I don't go after girls at weddings. They are just to easy and clingy. They keep calling and telling your sister-in-law that your a dick. Well I'm not doing that anymore, maybe I would if it wasn't a relatives wedding, but why the hell would I be there.

Well my sister-in-law starts telling me more and says she is really pretty and I will show you a pic later. Then she tells me right before the food gets there that her friend was jet skiing with another girl, nothing wrong there, then states she fell off the back of the jet ski and "had things sucked out of her between her legs". She then said her friend had to be air lifted to the hospital, but she could probably still have kids.
I would have said something to her like thats good, but was to worried about my penis.

[Pumpy Tudors]

Then she tells me right before the food gets there that her friend was jet skiing with another girl, nothing wrong there, then states she fell off the back of the jet ski and "had things sucked out of her between her legs".
Oh, come on. Just the phrase "between her legs" is hot.

"Twelve vipers crawled out from between her legs, and then the butter started to flow. The doctors weren't sure what the problem was, but I knew it was getting bad when they called for a priest and a plumber."
"THAT'S HOT!"

[st.cronin]

I've seen st.cronin's and Lathum's women (+ Lathum's sister in law and also Captain2711) wearing very revealing outfits. Unfortunately, I didn't think to snap a couple of pics.

I don't recall that Captain2711 was wearing a revealing outfit, but I didn't look that closely.

[TCY Junkie]

Oh, come on. Just the phrase "between her legs" is hot.
"

Thats definitely true. Then the rest of her statement gave me a visual that killed what was starting. I get shocked frequently, just not aroused a tenth of second before it. Its always the other way around.

[korme]

For clarification, the MILF was only 21. A new MILF. Hot as all get out, too. Definately not a cougar, though I'm on the prowl (take that pun) for one.

[Suburban Rhythm]

Thank God this thread is back...I was worried FOFCers had told every secret we needed to tell.

[Dr. Sak]

For clarification, the MILF was only 21. A new MILF. Hot as all get out, too. Definately not a cougar, though I'm on the prowl (take that pun) for one.

If you want a cougar get an office job. They are everywhere.

[Lorena]

AFter dropping my son off at day care a few months ago, I went to the car quickly as I was running late. I opened the car door, sat in the seat and that's when I heard it.. "rrrrrrrrrrrrip". Goddam I tore my capris jeans. No time to go home and change so I just went to work. I went to the bathroom to see how bad the damage was and thank goodness my shirt was long enough to cover the spot, otherwise everyone in the building would see my ass hanging out. Thank goodness I wore underwear.

[MikeVic]

That is not TMI.

[Lorena]

dola,

I'm trying to find a patch to cover my ass. I found a good one

http://i13.ebayimg.com/01/i/000/f9/08/55ab_1.JPG

[Dr. Sak]

AFter dropping my son off at day care a few months ago, I went to the car quickly as I was running late. I opened the car door, sat in the seat and that's when I heard it.. "rrrrrrrrrrrrip". Goddam I tore my capris jeans. No time to go home and change so I just went to work. I went to the bathroom to see how bad the damage was and thank goodness my shirt was long enough to cover the spot, otherwise everyone in the building would see my ass hanging out. Thank goodness I wore underwear.

From what I've heard...everyone in your office has already seen your ass.

[TCY Junkie]

I have an elongated butt crack. Its not that bad, well sometimes it does get stuck in the long crevice. My brother has one too. His wife was trying to make him lose some weight. I guess she thought it would make it disappear. She was making fun of him for saying it ran in the family so I turned around and pulled up my shirt, that shut her up pretty quick.

[Dr. Sak]

Last Friday I was out at the bar with my softball team after the game. These two girls come up and talk with us. Both slutty...one was willing to show us her boobs many times and had nice nipple rings that she let me tug on.

Her friend and I start dancing and later her friend finds out that she was ditched at the bar. So I offer to drive her home. She lives out in a rural area by Mountain View Inn (Pumpy knows the area). I pull into her driveway which is about 100 yards long, lined by trees. She tells me to stop at the beginning of it.

We begin fooling around in the car...it's about 3am at the time. I ask her if she wants me to drive her back to her house and her response was...no my husband's back there.

I told her to get the fuck out of my car. She wasn't wearing her ring, but then pulled it out of her purse to show me. I told her to get out again and before she did she gave me her number told me I was so cute and wanted me to call. I told her not to hold her breath.

Good thing I gave her my fake name, Ty Webb, and not my real one.

[korme]

Ty Webb? That's awesome. My buddy calls himself Jeff Blake (Bengals hoo-rah) all the time to girls he's never met.

[rkmsuf]

I use Harry S. Truman as my name.

[MikeVic]

Last Friday I was out at the bar with my softball team after the game. These two girls come up and talk with us. Both slutty...one was willing to show us her boobs many times and had nice nipple rings that she let me tug on.

Her friend and I start dancing and later her friend finds out that she was ditched at the bar. So I offer to drive her home. She lives out in a rural area by Mountain View Inn (Pumpy knows the area). I pull into her driveway which is about 100 yards long, lined by trees. She tells me to stop at the beginning of it.

We begin fooling around in the car...it's about 3am at the time. I ask her if she wants me to drive her back to her house and her response was...no my husband's back there.

I told her to get the fuck out of my car. She wasn't wearing her ring, but then pulled it out of her purse to show me. I told her to get out again and before she did she gave me her number told me I was so cute and wanted me to call. I told her not to hold her breath.

Good thing I gave her my fake name, Ty Webb, and not my real one.


That is TMI. She just had to tell you she's married eh?

[JeeberD]

Nipple rings...yuck.

[Dr. Sak]

Ty Webb? That's awesome. My buddy calls himself Jeff Blake (Bengals hoo-rah) all the time to girls he's never met.

Ty Webb is Chevy Chase's character in Caddyshack.

A few times in Canada I have used Wade Belak. A former defenseman for the Leafs

[Lorena]

Ya'll single men should use the name Pumpy Tudors instead. If enough people use it, the name will become legend as it has on the internets.

[RomaGoth]

I tried the Cleveland Steamer once.

[MikeVic]

What.

[TCY Junkie]

I tried the Cleveland Steamer once.

Thats why its not good to use Pumpy's name.

[st.cronin]

I tried the Cleveland Steamer once.

I don't believe you.

[RomaGoth]

I don't believe you.

Yeah I tend to get confused in random threads. What I meant to say was that I fried the three creamers once.

[Pumpy Tudors]

Last Friday I was out at the bar with my softball team after the game. These two girls come up and talk with us. Both slutty...one was willing to show us her boobs many times and had nice nipple rings that she let me tug on.

Her friend and I start dancing and later her friend finds out that she was ditched at the bar. So I offer to drive her home. She lives out in a rural area by Mountain View Inn (Pumpy knows the area). I pull into her driveway which is about 100 yards long, lined by trees. She tells me to stop at the beginning of it.

We begin fooling around in the car...it's about 3am at the time. I ask her if she wants me to drive her back to her house and her response was...no my husband's back there.

I told her to get the fuck out of my car. She wasn't wearing her ring, but then pulled it out of her purse to show me. I told her to get out again and before she did she gave me her number told me I was so cute and wanted me to call. I told her not to hold her breath.

Good thing I gave her my fake name, Ty Webb, and not my real one.
So I just found out that bsak was fooling around with my wife...

[korme]

Ty Webb is Chevy Chase's character in Caddyshack.

A few times in Canada I have used Wade Belak. A former defenseman for the Leafs

That's why I said it was awesome! ;)

[Suburban Rhythm]

I am going to start dropping the name Ty Webb around my office, and see how many girls tell me they "know" him.

[Dr. Sak]

I am going to start dropping the name Ty Webb around my office, and see how many girls tell me they "know" him.

When I am downtown I use the name Rico Fata. No one watched the Pens when he was with them so I am golden.

[RomaGoth]

I use the name Jarrod Skalde when I am in San Diego. Everywhere else I go by Ryan Leaf.

[TCY Junkie]

Everywhere else I go by Ryan Leaf.

That's mean making them think you don't perform very good, I hope you injury yourself pleasing their every need.

[RomaGoth]

You mean like this guy?

[TCY Junkie]

You mean like this guy?

The story I heard was you could do it without any aids. I was being cantankerous earlier, pure jealousy. I should have mentioned to strecth previous to doing anything physical.