Antmeister
10-24-2008, 12:27 PM
Where did you grow up?
I was born in Palo Alto, California, which is about 30 miles south of San Francisco. It was a faux utopia. A fauxtopia, if you will. Sunshine splashed across the town, and maple trees lines the streets. Maybe they were oak or cypress trees. I don’t really know. Anyway, it was town too rich for our blood.
When I was about 5, my mother moved us to a growing town called San Jose, which is about 50 miles south of San Francisco. I grew up there.
What brought you to the FOFC?
In between marathon masturbation sessions, I would play Front Page Sports '98. After the fiasco of the next FPS release, I had nothing. I found FOF through a yahoo search. I guess that's I found The Sideline.
Have you ever played werewolf?
I have never played a game of werewolf. It sounds like Clue and Dungeons and Dragons having a lovechild. I don't know if my feeble brain can handle that.
Do you have any superpowers?
I have the ability to sleep through a fire alarm, which is pretty awesome.
What do you do for fun? What do you do for money?
For fun I play guitar and do poor cover versions of rock n roll classics. There’s nothing quite like playing a new song for someone and then having them scramble to hear the original version of the song, just to erase the memory of my version.
I know this is going to make me sound like Paris Hilton, but I also love partying!
Right now, I work at a pizza place in downtown San Jose, but I’m trying to get a job as a plumber and go to school at night. I guess it’s time for me to finally get some sort of adult work.
How long do you expect to live?
That’s hard to say. My grandfather on my dads side died of colon cancer in his 70s. So I guess there is that gene. My mom’s grandfather smoked all his life and died in his sleep at 86. I don’t know. Just to be fun I’ll say I will wind up hanging myself during masturbation at the age of 41.
What do you look like?
I look Vin Diesel with leukemia or anorexia…except my nose isn’t as big. Go to myspace.com/kbernal - I have plenty of photos there.
What do you prefer physically in a woman?
I like curves, hold the cottage cheese.
How did you get your username?
People started changing their names, I’ve got a tattoo of California on my torso…my name is Karl. There it was.
What sports do you follow?
Pro and college football, pro and college basketball, pro baseball, pro hockey.
Which are your favorite teams?
San Francisco Giants (Barry Bonds rules), San Francisco 49ers (hooray for new coach), Golden State Warriors (bad bad Monta!), Stanford Cardinal (I already miss the Lopez twins), and San Jose Sharks (they’re making the cup finals this year).
Basically the class of the Bay Area organizations.
Why or how did they become your favorite teams?
Geography….television coverage…getting to go to the games. When I was 4 my dad had 49ers season tickets. One game, they were playing the Vikings, and Steve Young made his crazy TD run that they made into a Burger King commercial recently. I was a fan for life after that.
What do you do for a living?
Ah, the first repeat question. Can I expect more of these? Is it like a commercial for the MONSTERS OF METAL cd, where they list all the songs at least twice?
Do you have any post-secondary education? If so, where?
What does this mean? Graduate school? If so, no.
Are you married? Have a common law partner? Have kids?
None of the above. I haven’t even had a steady girlfriend in over 2 years. I think my mom is probably worried I might be turning gay or something. Not gay, mom! I’m just too selfish to be in a committed relationship right now.
What would you say is some of your favorite music?
“Fads they come, and fads they go, but god I love that rock ‘n’ roll.”
-Isaac Brock of Modest Mouse
What would you say are some of your favorite movies?
I don’t like most action movies, unlike most guys. I like Commando, and most other 80’s Arnold movies for the UIC. I’d have to say a top 10 list of my favorite movies would look something like…..
Pulp Fiction
Night Of The Hunter
Friday
Rear Window
City Of God
Goodfellas
Boyz N The Hood
There’s Something About Mary
The second half of Deer Hunter
Alien
Where were you born?
I already gave it away in my answer to the first question. To keep things spicy, this time I’ll say I was born under a bad sign.
Where have you lived and where do you live now? Do you have any opinions on the places you have lived in?
I have lived in San Jose my whole life except for about a year in Winchester, Massachusetts. I like both places. I want to move out of San Jose soon, though. I think it’s healthy to alter your surroundings. I want to be a drifter like Henry Chinaski, but I’m too fond of sleeping in a bed every night. NYC and San Diego are two places I’d love to give a shot.
Do you play any sports? Have you played any sports in the past? Are there sports you want to try out?
I don’t really play any sports anymore. I’m pretty out of shape. I played tennis in high school. I wanted to play basketball, but I sucked at it and was short. I guess they don’t really look for those two qualities in basketball players.
I want to play Dark Cloud’s toccer game. I am pretty sure I would go on to be the greatest toccer player in history. They would name the mvp award after me. Yeah, DC. That’s a challenge.
Happiest moment of your life?
Probably the first time I made a woman climax. Seriously. I felt like a golden God on high. It’s truly profound to do that for the first time.
Saddest moment of your life?
That would probably be when I got arrested for DUI. I had gotten shitfaced the night before. And the next day I went for a drive to get something to eat, and I got pulled over for an illegal U-turn in front of my house. I managed to blow a .085 the day after. It sucked. I learned a valuable lesson, though.
If you had to re-live one moment in your life, what would it be?
The night before my DUI, I would have stuck with club soda.
What regrets do you have?
I regret not working harder in high school. I regret dumping my last girlfriend in the manner that I did. I regret any time I’ve ever been mean to anyone.
Do you consider yourself to be an introvert or an extrovert?
I consider myself both. There are many nights when I just enjoy being by myself….reading…watching movies…playing guitar…surfing the internet. When we have a party at our house, or go to party, I am very social and forward. My friends sometimes think I’m being two different people, but I say it’s just two sides to the same person.
What is your favorite catch phrase?
My favorite one to use is “That.Was.Awesome.” whenever something that meets the opposite standards of awesome happens. It’s usually at the expense of someone else, or myself.
What are your top 5 movies?
I only enjoy sequels. Police Academy: Mission To Moscow….Leprechaun in Space…..Homeward Bound: Lost In San Francisco…Sister Act II: Back In The Habit…Beethoven’s 3rd.
What would you do with 1 million bucks? 10 million?
With one million I’d buy a house for my mom and just save the rest in some kind of bank account. With 10 million, I’d buy my mom a house, then buy myself a house somewhere. I’m thinking either Paris or Cabo. I’d also hire the upright Citizens Brigade to do nightly performances in a diamond plated Gazebo on my property.
You're at a party and as it progresses, everyone strips naked and jumps in the pool, do you join?
Hell yeah, I would! That’s called “free advertising”.
What's your beverage of choice?
Non-alcoholic division: Coke…or Clearly Canadian. Does anyone else remember Clearly Canadian? Those things were fucking good. I can’t find them anymore.
Alcoholic division: Moosehead is my favorite beer. I’ve never been one of those “I only drink microbrew” beer snobs. Maybe I when I grow up and have kids I’ll be a beer snob. Call it an aspiration.
When it comes to hard stuff, I’m all about Johnnie Walker Black at the bar. If I’m going to pay exorbitant bar prices, I may as well have my drink do its part in making it an occaision. At home, I’m perfectly fine sipping Jim Beam.
Do you have an abnormal fear?
I think I may be afraid of total silence, but I don’t know.
When I was about 3 years old, my Aunt Carolyn babysat me. She thought it would be a good idea to put on “Dolls”, which was a movie about these maniacal, killer dolls. From that day until I was in my early teens, I was petrified of dolls. My mom had a doll collection, and I’d constantly be on the lookout for any sign of movement from those motherfuckers. Eventually I made my mom put her dolls away.
What food do you never tire of?
That is definitely STEAK. I can eat a good steak most days of the week. I also love bacon. I also change my “When will I die?” answer to 35, of a massive heart attack.
What better: vanilla or chocolate?
Chocolate. Can’t stand vanilla.
What better: sweet or salty?
Salty most definitely.
Favorite YouTube video?
<object width="425" height="344"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/B353A9SeMF8&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></object>
If you could have any superpower, what would it be?
The ability to summon Bald Eagles out of nowhere, and have them land on my shoulder.
Which bad habits drive you crazy?
People who can’t whisper in the movie theater, people who take phone calls in the theater.
Also, people who honk their car horns at unnecessary times aggravate me. If the light has been green for .5 seconds, don’t honk at me, asshole. Don’t abuse the horn!
Do you have any annoying habits?
Oh, I’m sure. Sometimes I leave the oven on after I’ve cooked. I guess that’s less “annoying” and more “dangerous”.
List 1 thing you would change about yourself.
I would give myself a higher voice, so I could sing like all my favorite rock stars do.
What's your favorite thing to do on a Saturday night?
Usually I like sitting at home with my three roommates, and maybe a select few others. We drink and listen to music all night…and just bullshit.
Do you have any hidden talents?
I can tie a knot in a cherry stem….with my MIND. Well my mind controls my tongue, right?
What happens to us after we die?
We rot.
Would you break the law or lie to save a friend?
Hell yeah I would. I’ve done both of these things many times before and will probably do both in the future. I’m sure JonInMiddleGA will call me treasonous
Did you ever have a realistic dream that truly scared you?
Yeah, one time I had a dream that this guy came to house my mom and I lived in, claiming it was his house. He started chasing me with a gun that had a laser sight on it. I remember zig zagging in a hallway, trying to avoid any shots. I turned around, was blinded by the laser. I saw only red, and waited to get killed. Then I woke up.
What are you not afraid of?
The dark. I’m a night owl.
Which is worse: rejection or failure?
I can’t stand rejection. I hate it. Failure I can live with, but at least give me a chance!
What are you hoping for in the future?
I pretty much fashion my life after the character Daniel Plainview from There Will Be Blood. I want to adopt a deaf child, ruthlessly rise to wealth through shady oil acquisitions. I want to meet a long-lost brother, kill him, and then beat a preacher to death with a bowling pin. I’m finished.
You are on a flight from California to Texas and the back of the airplane catches fire. You have enough time to make ONE phone call, who would you call?
Probably Live Links. I’d want to die while making flirty chit-chat with a supposedly beautiful woman.
You are at the doctor's office and she has informed you that you have one month to live.. what do you do?
Fall to my knees sobbing and beg the doctor to save my sad, pathetic life.
Why are SpongeBob SquarePants' parents round like sea sponges while he is square like a kitchen sponge?
Well, Spongebob is still young and in shape. His parents are fat slobs. Everyone knows that. Duh.
Why do birds suddenly appear every time you are near?
It’s probably because I’m often walking around holding bread. Those bitches can’t get enough of it.
What was your old handle?
I started out as RadioFriendlyUnitShifter, which is song number ten on the Nirvana album “In Utero”. I had an unhealthy obsession with Nirvana as a teenager. I collected all the b-sides, bootlegs…just in full on Cobain Mania, or “Cobainia”. As the years passed, my taste in music became less limited, and the name felt dated.
What's with your chat handle oo00ooo00oooo?
Well, I had already had many other awesome AIM names: “BrahmaBull5” “Brah Is Back” “Menace2Sobriety” “Bow2TheWang” “I Did It OJ”. I thought it was time to grow up. It’s an important time in a man’s life when he decides he needs to have a screen name with class. I thought “Why are Penn State’s uniforms the best in college football?” The answer is minimalism. What is more minimal than a bunch of zeroes? So, in summary, I did it because of Joe Paterno (like most things in my life).
If you really are what you eat, then what are you?
I am……HUMAN FLESH!
4 words you never wanna hear?
“I fucked Subway Jared”
I mean…that’s a damn dealbreaker right there.
I know you won't let me down on this question: I'm trying to think of a good way to mildly freak out random strangers, got any suggestions?
Sit down next to someone at a bus stop, kick off your shoes, and starting biting your toenails.
Also, for you Lorena: When some stranger says something to or about your kids, tell them “Yeah, they can also drink me under the table”.
Would having a million bucks solve most of your problems?
Yeah, I’d say so. Then again, I don’t have big problems.
If you were offered $50K to appear in an underwear ad, would you do it?
Only if I was allowed to have an erection in the ad. Just so people could be like “Hey, is that Karl in the underwear ad? Uh….does he a full on erection? What the fuck?”
I was born in Palo Alto, California, which is about 30 miles south of San Francisco. It was a faux utopia. A fauxtopia, if you will. Sunshine splashed across the town, and maple trees lines the streets. Maybe they were oak or cypress trees. I don’t really know. Anyway, it was town too rich for our blood.
When I was about 5, my mother moved us to a growing town called San Jose, which is about 50 miles south of San Francisco. I grew up there.
What brought you to the FOFC?
In between marathon masturbation sessions, I would play Front Page Sports '98. After the fiasco of the next FPS release, I had nothing. I found FOF through a yahoo search. I guess that's I found The Sideline.
Have you ever played werewolf?
I have never played a game of werewolf. It sounds like Clue and Dungeons and Dragons having a lovechild. I don't know if my feeble brain can handle that.
Do you have any superpowers?
I have the ability to sleep through a fire alarm, which is pretty awesome.
What do you do for fun? What do you do for money?
For fun I play guitar and do poor cover versions of rock n roll classics. There’s nothing quite like playing a new song for someone and then having them scramble to hear the original version of the song, just to erase the memory of my version.
I know this is going to make me sound like Paris Hilton, but I also love partying!
Right now, I work at a pizza place in downtown San Jose, but I’m trying to get a job as a plumber and go to school at night. I guess it’s time for me to finally get some sort of adult work.
How long do you expect to live?
That’s hard to say. My grandfather on my dads side died of colon cancer in his 70s. So I guess there is that gene. My mom’s grandfather smoked all his life and died in his sleep at 86. I don’t know. Just to be fun I’ll say I will wind up hanging myself during masturbation at the age of 41.
What do you look like?
I look Vin Diesel with leukemia or anorexia…except my nose isn’t as big. Go to myspace.com/kbernal - I have plenty of photos there.
What do you prefer physically in a woman?
I like curves, hold the cottage cheese.
How did you get your username?
People started changing their names, I’ve got a tattoo of California on my torso…my name is Karl. There it was.
What sports do you follow?
Pro and college football, pro and college basketball, pro baseball, pro hockey.
Which are your favorite teams?
San Francisco Giants (Barry Bonds rules), San Francisco 49ers (hooray for new coach), Golden State Warriors (bad bad Monta!), Stanford Cardinal (I already miss the Lopez twins), and San Jose Sharks (they’re making the cup finals this year).
Basically the class of the Bay Area organizations.
Why or how did they become your favorite teams?
Geography….television coverage…getting to go to the games. When I was 4 my dad had 49ers season tickets. One game, they were playing the Vikings, and Steve Young made his crazy TD run that they made into a Burger King commercial recently. I was a fan for life after that.
What do you do for a living?
Ah, the first repeat question. Can I expect more of these? Is it like a commercial for the MONSTERS OF METAL cd, where they list all the songs at least twice?
Do you have any post-secondary education? If so, where?
What does this mean? Graduate school? If so, no.
Are you married? Have a common law partner? Have kids?
None of the above. I haven’t even had a steady girlfriend in over 2 years. I think my mom is probably worried I might be turning gay or something. Not gay, mom! I’m just too selfish to be in a committed relationship right now.
What would you say is some of your favorite music?
“Fads they come, and fads they go, but god I love that rock ‘n’ roll.”
-Isaac Brock of Modest Mouse
What would you say are some of your favorite movies?
I don’t like most action movies, unlike most guys. I like Commando, and most other 80’s Arnold movies for the UIC. I’d have to say a top 10 list of my favorite movies would look something like…..
Pulp Fiction
Night Of The Hunter
Friday
Rear Window
City Of God
Goodfellas
Boyz N The Hood
There’s Something About Mary
The second half of Deer Hunter
Alien
Where were you born?
I already gave it away in my answer to the first question. To keep things spicy, this time I’ll say I was born under a bad sign.
Where have you lived and where do you live now? Do you have any opinions on the places you have lived in?
I have lived in San Jose my whole life except for about a year in Winchester, Massachusetts. I like both places. I want to move out of San Jose soon, though. I think it’s healthy to alter your surroundings. I want to be a drifter like Henry Chinaski, but I’m too fond of sleeping in a bed every night. NYC and San Diego are two places I’d love to give a shot.
Do you play any sports? Have you played any sports in the past? Are there sports you want to try out?
I don’t really play any sports anymore. I’m pretty out of shape. I played tennis in high school. I wanted to play basketball, but I sucked at it and was short. I guess they don’t really look for those two qualities in basketball players.
I want to play Dark Cloud’s toccer game. I am pretty sure I would go on to be the greatest toccer player in history. They would name the mvp award after me. Yeah, DC. That’s a challenge.
Happiest moment of your life?
Probably the first time I made a woman climax. Seriously. I felt like a golden God on high. It’s truly profound to do that for the first time.
Saddest moment of your life?
That would probably be when I got arrested for DUI. I had gotten shitfaced the night before. And the next day I went for a drive to get something to eat, and I got pulled over for an illegal U-turn in front of my house. I managed to blow a .085 the day after. It sucked. I learned a valuable lesson, though.
If you had to re-live one moment in your life, what would it be?
The night before my DUI, I would have stuck with club soda.
What regrets do you have?
I regret not working harder in high school. I regret dumping my last girlfriend in the manner that I did. I regret any time I’ve ever been mean to anyone.
Do you consider yourself to be an introvert or an extrovert?
I consider myself both. There are many nights when I just enjoy being by myself….reading…watching movies…playing guitar…surfing the internet. When we have a party at our house, or go to party, I am very social and forward. My friends sometimes think I’m being two different people, but I say it’s just two sides to the same person.
What is your favorite catch phrase?
My favorite one to use is “That.Was.Awesome.” whenever something that meets the opposite standards of awesome happens. It’s usually at the expense of someone else, or myself.
What are your top 5 movies?
I only enjoy sequels. Police Academy: Mission To Moscow….Leprechaun in Space…..Homeward Bound: Lost In San Francisco…Sister Act II: Back In The Habit…Beethoven’s 3rd.
What would you do with 1 million bucks? 10 million?
With one million I’d buy a house for my mom and just save the rest in some kind of bank account. With 10 million, I’d buy my mom a house, then buy myself a house somewhere. I’m thinking either Paris or Cabo. I’d also hire the upright Citizens Brigade to do nightly performances in a diamond plated Gazebo on my property.
You're at a party and as it progresses, everyone strips naked and jumps in the pool, do you join?
Hell yeah, I would! That’s called “free advertising”.
What's your beverage of choice?
Non-alcoholic division: Coke…or Clearly Canadian. Does anyone else remember Clearly Canadian? Those things were fucking good. I can’t find them anymore.
Alcoholic division: Moosehead is my favorite beer. I’ve never been one of those “I only drink microbrew” beer snobs. Maybe I when I grow up and have kids I’ll be a beer snob. Call it an aspiration.
When it comes to hard stuff, I’m all about Johnnie Walker Black at the bar. If I’m going to pay exorbitant bar prices, I may as well have my drink do its part in making it an occaision. At home, I’m perfectly fine sipping Jim Beam.
Do you have an abnormal fear?
I think I may be afraid of total silence, but I don’t know.
When I was about 3 years old, my Aunt Carolyn babysat me. She thought it would be a good idea to put on “Dolls”, which was a movie about these maniacal, killer dolls. From that day until I was in my early teens, I was petrified of dolls. My mom had a doll collection, and I’d constantly be on the lookout for any sign of movement from those motherfuckers. Eventually I made my mom put her dolls away.
What food do you never tire of?
That is definitely STEAK. I can eat a good steak most days of the week. I also love bacon. I also change my “When will I die?” answer to 35, of a massive heart attack.
What better: vanilla or chocolate?
Chocolate. Can’t stand vanilla.
What better: sweet or salty?
Salty most definitely.
Favorite YouTube video?
<object width="425" height="344"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/B353A9SeMF8&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></object>
If you could have any superpower, what would it be?
The ability to summon Bald Eagles out of nowhere, and have them land on my shoulder.
Which bad habits drive you crazy?
People who can’t whisper in the movie theater, people who take phone calls in the theater.
Also, people who honk their car horns at unnecessary times aggravate me. If the light has been green for .5 seconds, don’t honk at me, asshole. Don’t abuse the horn!
Do you have any annoying habits?
Oh, I’m sure. Sometimes I leave the oven on after I’ve cooked. I guess that’s less “annoying” and more “dangerous”.
List 1 thing you would change about yourself.
I would give myself a higher voice, so I could sing like all my favorite rock stars do.
What's your favorite thing to do on a Saturday night?
Usually I like sitting at home with my three roommates, and maybe a select few others. We drink and listen to music all night…and just bullshit.
Do you have any hidden talents?
I can tie a knot in a cherry stem….with my MIND. Well my mind controls my tongue, right?
What happens to us after we die?
We rot.
Would you break the law or lie to save a friend?
Hell yeah I would. I’ve done both of these things many times before and will probably do both in the future. I’m sure JonInMiddleGA will call me treasonous
Did you ever have a realistic dream that truly scared you?
Yeah, one time I had a dream that this guy came to house my mom and I lived in, claiming it was his house. He started chasing me with a gun that had a laser sight on it. I remember zig zagging in a hallway, trying to avoid any shots. I turned around, was blinded by the laser. I saw only red, and waited to get killed. Then I woke up.
What are you not afraid of?
The dark. I’m a night owl.
Which is worse: rejection or failure?
I can’t stand rejection. I hate it. Failure I can live with, but at least give me a chance!
What are you hoping for in the future?
I pretty much fashion my life after the character Daniel Plainview from There Will Be Blood. I want to adopt a deaf child, ruthlessly rise to wealth through shady oil acquisitions. I want to meet a long-lost brother, kill him, and then beat a preacher to death with a bowling pin. I’m finished.
You are on a flight from California to Texas and the back of the airplane catches fire. You have enough time to make ONE phone call, who would you call?
Probably Live Links. I’d want to die while making flirty chit-chat with a supposedly beautiful woman.
You are at the doctor's office and she has informed you that you have one month to live.. what do you do?
Fall to my knees sobbing and beg the doctor to save my sad, pathetic life.
Why are SpongeBob SquarePants' parents round like sea sponges while he is square like a kitchen sponge?
Well, Spongebob is still young and in shape. His parents are fat slobs. Everyone knows that. Duh.
Why do birds suddenly appear every time you are near?
It’s probably because I’m often walking around holding bread. Those bitches can’t get enough of it.
What was your old handle?
I started out as RadioFriendlyUnitShifter, which is song number ten on the Nirvana album “In Utero”. I had an unhealthy obsession with Nirvana as a teenager. I collected all the b-sides, bootlegs…just in full on Cobain Mania, or “Cobainia”. As the years passed, my taste in music became less limited, and the name felt dated.
What's with your chat handle oo00ooo00oooo?
Well, I had already had many other awesome AIM names: “BrahmaBull5” “Brah Is Back” “Menace2Sobriety” “Bow2TheWang” “I Did It OJ”. I thought it was time to grow up. It’s an important time in a man’s life when he decides he needs to have a screen name with class. I thought “Why are Penn State’s uniforms the best in college football?” The answer is minimalism. What is more minimal than a bunch of zeroes? So, in summary, I did it because of Joe Paterno (like most things in my life).
If you really are what you eat, then what are you?
I am……HUMAN FLESH!
4 words you never wanna hear?
“I fucked Subway Jared”
I mean…that’s a damn dealbreaker right there.
I know you won't let me down on this question: I'm trying to think of a good way to mildly freak out random strangers, got any suggestions?
Sit down next to someone at a bus stop, kick off your shoes, and starting biting your toenails.
Also, for you Lorena: When some stranger says something to or about your kids, tell them “Yeah, they can also drink me under the table”.
Would having a million bucks solve most of your problems?
Yeah, I’d say so. Then again, I don’t have big problems.
If you were offered $50K to appear in an underwear ad, would you do it?
Only if I was allowed to have an erection in the ad. Just so people could be like “Hey, is that Karl in the underwear ad? Uh….does he a full on erection? What the fuck?”