*UPDATE* on the "is it acceptable to* thread (aka, the roomie breakup thread)

[Easy Mac]

ok, so here is the rundown on what happened, sorry it took so long, but a lot of weird shit pertaining to that has occurred since. Here is the link (http://dynamic2.gamespy.com/~fof/forums/showthread.php?s=&threadid=6474) for past reference.

That happened about 9 days ago, and they did have breakup sex, and they did break up, and I never got my drink... anyway.

We have a St. Patty's day party 3 days later, and my suitemates ex-girl comes to party (she came with the guy's sister, who is her roommate, confused?). That was a little weird, because everyone got completely trashed. Well the girl is all over me in front of my girlfriend. Everytime the girl wants a drink, she comes to me so I can pour it. After about 9 shots in an hour, I'm not sure whats what. Eventually everyone leaves and I pass out with my girl. I tell her I'm sorry the other girl was all over me, but shes like don't worry, its not my fault. I of course miss classes the next day, but thats not really important to the story.

So I run into the guy's ex when she stops by the bookstore to buy a book while I'm working. We chat for a little, and she asks if I'm partying with the guys on Friday. I say yeah, and she asks if my girl is going to be there. I say probably, and she looks a little disappointed, but I was like whatever. I asked if she's coming, and she says probably, but it might be a little awkward since here ex is going to be there.

Well, Friday comes around. After my less that great Tuesday after drinking, I only take one shot of gold, I just wasn't in the mood to get drunk. The girl comes over and immediately comes to me to start pouring shots. She also has on one of those candy necklaces, and is bugging me to take a bite (everybody does). Eventually my girl passes out and goes to bed, as I stay and party, basically making sure no one falls off a balconey.

Well, my friend's ex asks me to walk her downstairs so she can get a drink out of the machine to chase with. I say sure, as she's looking quite enebriated. So we go down there, and as we're down there, shes kisses me... I pull away as fast as I can think. She asks whats wrong, and I tell her I've got a girlfriend, and that sure I'm attracted to this girl, but she just broke up with my friend, maybe if things were different, but I don't know if I can do this right now. We go back up to the party, and I'm feeling as awkward as hell. She makes small talk with me for a little while and then everyone leaves.

Its now 2 days later, and I haven't told my girl or my friend (we're not really good friends), I'm not really sure what I need am thinking. The girl IM'ed me yesterday saying she didn't kiss me b/c she was drunk. Me and my girl were talking last night about sex, and she asked me if the girl was do-able, and I said "if I was drunk", which given the circmustances of Tuesday, was the complete wrong answer. I mean, the girls cute and a great person, but I've got someone who I care everything about, and I don't want to give that up for a rebound. On the other hand, there's too much pressure for me to commit forever from my girlfriend, and she says shes not sure what she would do if we broke up. I know who I want to be with, but I know there is a lot of stuff I want to do in my life, and I know she won't be around if I leave... life is too damn confusing.

Any advice on what I should do? Was this girl only coming on to me b/c she was drunk and on the rebound? Personally, I'm happy with my girl, and I don't think I could be happier. Should I tell my girl (who will be pissed whether I initiated the kiss or not, b/c I put my self in that situation) and my friend, or is this one of those times where I just need to forget about it and hope it goes away.

Whatever, but I really didn't think all this would happen when I wrote the original thread... life is weird.

[Tarkus]

Let sleeping dogs lie seems to work in this case.

Tarkus

[Travis]

Honestly, can't hurt to tell your gfriend man. There are a lot of worse ways she can find out. It'd be easier for you to tell her now, than for her to find out later from somebody else, and if this girl keeps on chasing you, better for your gfriend to know now.


Besides, if she knows somebody else is after her man, she may just go the extra mile to let you know where the best honey is.

Might not be a bad idea to let your suite mate know what kind of person he just broke up with, but I'd really suggest letting the gfriend in on the 'news'.

Like I'm going to get taken seriously after the ideas I came up with in the original thread...

[McSweeny]

i'd say you stop drinking that gold and get yourself a nice bottle of irish whiskey

[Coffee Warlord]

It's been a lonnnnng time since I had these problems.

But.

Tell your girlfriend. Now. My track record with women is not the greatest, but this I know. Honesty when it comes to things like that is the only way to go. Tell her flat out what happened, what you said to her, etc, etc, etc. No half truths, no nothing.

You lie, you're screwed (and not in the good way).
You keep it a secret, you're screwed (and not in the good way).

You tell the truth, your worries go down. Your present gf goes nuts, well, hey. At least you know you've got a fallback. :)

[Tarkus]

Again, I have a lot of experience being an older guy. If it was one quick kiss that you pulled away from there is absolutely nothing to gain by telling her.

Tarkus

[korme]

for entertainment purposes, please tell her

[korme]

Honestly, Easy, even if you feel it is not a big deal, and you don't tell her, then she comes to find out 2 months later, your ass is done.

[Vince]

I'm with Shorty et al. Telling her is definitely the best option. If she really thinks it's that big a deal about you putting yourself in that position, you tell her that you learned your lesson and it won't happen again.

Like Shorty said, if she finds out later, you're in much deeper sh!t than you are if you tell her now. And girls have amazing ways of finding these things out.

[MikeVic]

I just finished reading the other thread, and just read this one... I don't know anything about girls, never having a gf myself... but it seems like what these guys are saying is right.

If you don't tell her now, and she somehow finds out about it later, you're screwed. The later it is, the more screwed you are. I know this based on TV shows and movies... so maybe I'm not the best person to listen to :)

[Tarkus]

I asked my wife and she agrees with me. If it really was a nothing thing, don't tell.

Tarkus

[astralhaze]

Dude, don't be a moron, keep your trap shut.

[Vince]

Maybe we need a poll :)

[superbama]

Well, My wife said you're a no good piece of shit, don't help out around the house, You leave dirty fucking socks laying around and to go get her a gallon of milk, NOW.

[tucker342]

the girl probably was just trying to make ur roommate jealous or something.

You should tell your girlfriend, cause as other people mentioned, you don't want her finding out from someone else in a couple of months, cause than you're in deep shit.

[astralhaze]

But he will be in deep shit if he tells her. Plus, anytime that skank hooch is around his girlfriend is going to be all caty and whatnot. Don't know what kind of girl his girlfriend is, but she may even feel the need to "confront" her about it. There will also be a lingering doubt planted in her head, no matter how innocently he frames the context. It's a no brainer. Don't tell her, she won't find out, and if she does, it will be no worse than if you tell her right now.

[Tarkus]

Originally posted by astralhaze
But he will be in deep shit if he tells her. Plus, anytime that skank hooch is around his girlfriend is going to be all caty and whatnot. Don't know what kind of girl his girlfriend is, but she may even feel the need to "confront" her about it. There will also be a lingering doubt planted in her head, no matter how innocently he frames the context. It's a no brainer. Don't tell her, she won't find out, and if she does, it will be no worse than if you tell her right now.
This has to be correct. I think it's the first time astralhaze and I have ever agreed on anything. :D

Tarkus

[astralhaze]

Naw. We both agree Ariel Sharon looks like Violet in Willy Wonka and the Chocolate factory after she chews the gum.

[Swaggs]

I think the big thing you need to decide here is whether or not you are interested in a long term relationship with your current girlfriend. If so, you need to stop putting yourself in situations where you are alone and/or drunk with your roommate's ex-girlfriend. It is foolish to "entertain" her with thoughts that there might be a future there, if you have no intention of going beyond flirting. If you are just out to have a good time and "just dating" your girlfriend, have fun. It is obviously much better to do all of your experimenting when you are a freshman or sophomore in college, rather than a married 32 year-old with two children.

I think it would also be foolish to bring up the kiss. Chalk it up to a drunken girl taking a chance on a peck, w/ you backing away from it before there was much, if any, contact.

[rexalllsc]

hit it

[Upstate J]

I think this girl is basically attracted to you because she sees how happy you make your girlfriend (and vice versa). And, maybe, she feels if she was with you, she'd be in this perfect relationship that her skewed mind observes.

And, my advice would be to keep quiet about everything, unless confronted with it. Then, tell the whole truth, including why you didn't tell to begin with.

Karma will award you for being faithful, I'm sure.

[Chief Rum]

I just had to start a poll. :)

Chief Rum

[CAsterling]

I'm definitely in the Tell your girlfriend catagory - take a little grief now or a ton of grief later.
Lets face it, do you trust your friends ex to be discreet, I wouldn't and you are reliant on her in this scenario.
Also tell your friend, he will also be pissed if he finds out from other people, but will probably find it amusing if you explain it to him yourself

[bbor]

Originally posted by superbama
[Band to go get her a gallon of milk, NOW. [/B]

Holy SHIT!...A GALLON of milk?

That's one thirsty woman.:D

[cthomer5000]

I say tell your girlfirend. Not only can it help to keep your real-life dynasty going, but it has pratical application...

[serious advice mode]

If you don't tell your girlfriend and she eventually does find out, she'll think you are/were hiding something.

[/serious advice mode]


or make a move for the 3some?

[sabotai]

"I of course miss classes the next day, but thats not really important to the story."

Is this part EVER the important part of a story? :D

"Well, my friend's ex asks me to walk her downstairs so she can get a drink out of the machine to chase with. I say sure, as she's looking quite enebriated."

WRONG MOVE! What the fuck were you thinking? What you do is ask her what she wants and then go get it for her. She's all over you, you don't want to be alone with her (I assume), and you fell right into her trap.....wrong move.

"Any advice on what I should do? Was this girl only coming on to me b/c she was drunk and on the rebound? "

Maybe not because she was drunk (she was disappointed your gf was going to be there) and maybe not because she's on the rebound. I agree withwhat someone else said, she did it to try to get back at her ex.

And why the fuck does everyone else get break up sex? I didn't get break up sex. That's not fuckin right!!

Ok, my advice, and take it because I'm always right about girls. (Don't ask me why, but all my friends always ask me for advice, and I'm always right).

You have to tell her. But here's the thing. You can NOT do it over the internet. You have to make sure it's face to face, and that she can't run away pissed off. You have to be there to reassure her of the truth and make sure she understands, even if she is pissed. It happening 2 days ago (maybe 3 by now) will get you in hot water, but from my experience, you have to ride it out and calm her down.

Make sure she knows that the only reason you went with her was because she was drunk off her ass and you didn't want her to fall and crack her head open. You have to make sure she knows that you pulled away and told her you couldn't do this. (I would choose the word "don't want to" do this. Maybe not exactly what you said, it'll go over much better with her. And if she hears differently, then just say that's what you meant and you were buzzed and not sure exaclty what you told her...make sense?) And as I said, make sure you do it face-to-face to reassure her right away. You don't what a pissed off gf that's an amount of distance from you.

EDIT: For a future party, if both your gf and this psycho woman is there, it'd be a good idea to make sure your gf sees you push her away and tell her to stop coming on to you. That'll go over GREAT with your gf. Instant healer to the situation. But off course, for this to work, you have to tell your gf what happened in case psycho hose-beast brings it up right then and there.

Good luck.

[GoldenEagle]

I say tell her too.

[Travis]

Originally posted by sabotai

And why the fuck does everyone else get break up sex? I didn't get break up sex. That's not fuckin right!!



Does it make me a bad person to have turned down breakup sex? Amazing where the ole "I need closure" talk can lead to.

[oykib]

I believe it was Chris Rock who sadi that a man is only as loyal as his options. Bang the new chick ( if only because it'll make for an interesting new thread ).

Seriously, if you keep letting the new chick hang around, you're gonna wind up engaging in extra-curriculars with her. You would've already told your girlfriend if that's what you wanted to do. You've obviously got some issues with your relationship to your GF. So, we can all see where this is going...

[Mountain]

Do NOT tell your girlfriend. And don't have anything else to do with the ex-girlfriend either. The catty bitch is just trying to build her ego back up by seeing if she can get you to be unfaithful. In the end, if you hit it, you will be left with nothing becuase your girlfriend will be gone and the ex will not respect you for having cheated on your girlfriend with her.

Of course, all od this is assuming you are serious about your current girlfriend. If you're not, then bang on everything you get a chance to and save the stories for your grandkids.

[QuikSand]

...but I've got someone who I care everything about, and I don't want to give that up for a rebound. On the other hand, there's too much pressure for me to commit forever from my girlfriend, and she says shes not sure what she would do if we broke up.

Sounds to me like the real decision to be made is right there.


If you are truly committed to your current relationship, I would say that you should not tell your current girlfriend about what happened, unless she asks you directly. I basically agree with previous comments - write it off as a misguided drunk girl, nothing to take seriously.

But it soulds like you have some ambivalence about your current relationship, as well. I don't see the rebound girl as sufficient motivation to start rethinking that, but the fact that you felt compelled to reveal as much as you did about your own misgivings suggests that you're still unsettled yourself. And at your age, you should be unsettled, you should be thinking about options.

Good luck in any event.

[Fritz]

Haven't read the whole thread, so this may be a repeat:

If your current girlfriend is not "wife" material, then the relationship to worry about here is between you and your buddy.

I always had a rule about fooling around or dating a buddies ex-girlfriend. You never can be sure what that will do to your relationship with your friend. Even if he is ok with it the dynamic my be changed within your common circle of friends.

This guy may be one of your dearest friends for the rest of your life, protect that.

[Ksyrup]

This is why I never let myself get into that kind of situation (married or not). I got burned once by letting myself get into what looked like a comprising position, and vowed never to let it happen again. It sounds like you could tell she wanted to come on to you, so you shouldn't have gone anywhere with her alone, given her "state" - both alcohol and ex-boyfriend-induced. Not saying that you knew she was going to do somthing like that, but I just wouldn't have taken the chance.

Having said that, I'd tell your girl. If the other chick feels scorned and wants to get back at you for rejecting her, that kiss suddenly wasn't just a kiss when she confronts your girlfriend, and it'll turn out that you, not she, initiated the action.

The only complication I can see is if she regularly hangs out with you guys, that will be awkward and your girl will likely not want to be anywhere she is.

[Easy Mac]

UPDATE

Just ran into the drunk girls roommate (who is the drunk girls ex's sister, or my roommate), and she said the girl talked about me before they went to bed... hmmm, that makes things a little more tricky... would she dare tell her brother? But there was no mention of the kiss or an evil look... decisions decisions.

[Fritz]

doink your roomies sister. that will fix everything!

[Franklinnoble]

The only thing you'll regret when you get older is NOT sowing your oats at every possible opportunity...

... just my two cents.

[Samdari]

I second Franklinnoble's opinion.

If I knew THEN what I know NOW, some of those freshman girls just might have consented, state law be damned.

/edit I can't seem to tell then from now

[dawgfan]

Once again, I agree with Quiksand.

The important question here is your current relationship. The issues you bring up suggest there's a lot of unsettled feelings there left to be worked out. Take stock of all the relationships involved here and figure out which are the most important to you. As Fritz pointed out, if the roommate is a good friend, someone who might be a lifetime friend, then weigh that into your considerations. If the current GF is someone you think you're going to be with for the rest of your life, weigh that.

My take? I've never been very confident about LTR's that begin in H.S. or college - it seems like much of the time those couples get into their late-20's/early-30's and realize they're not with the right person. So much happens in many people's lives in their 20's that defines the course of their life that it seems risky to make a lifetime commitment in college or just after. The fact you are having questions about it is a good thing - it means you're thinking critically about it. That's not to say you may not be a great fit, but you need to be absolutely sure. If you really don't think this is her, then you need to consider how you're going to end the relationship.

The roomie's ex may be tempting, but I wouldn't expect anything more out of it than a brief fling. More than likely this is a multitude of factors working on her side - she's on the rebound, she may be trying to tweak your roomie, she's attracted to you because you're in a relationship and "off-limits" and are a challenge, etc. That's not to say you might not hit it off, but I wouldn't count on it. So, if you decide to break it off with the current GF, she might be a fun option to take advantage of while it's there, but don't expect a whole lot.

If you break up with the current GF and you're thinking about fooling around with the roomie's ex, consider what doing so would do to that relationship - is he a close friend? If so, it's probably a bad idea. If you're thinking about it and you do want to keep his friendship, then broach the subject with him to gauge his feelings. Unless he's completely approving of the idea, don't hook up with her or you'll risk that relationship. If you're not that close with him, then go for it. You're young, and there will never be a better time to sow your oats.

Good luck, and keep us posted.

Edited because I can't spell.

[sabotai]

I say hurl. If you blow chunks and she comes back, she's yours. If you spew and she bolts, it was never meant to be.

[WSUCougar]

Easy,

I don't think you'd be wrestling with this issue if your conscience wasn't nagging at you to tell her. So tell her. Honesty and sincerity are under-rated traits.

Plus, would you rather she finds out from someone else? Then everything goes to hell.

[CAsterling]

Does anybody here watch 'Coupling' on BBC America - stay with me it is slightly relevant.

If anybody saw last nights episode with Jeff, trying to explain to a girl that he already had a girlfriend, (with all his friends giving remote advice via a mobile phone) and she turned round and offered him no strings attached sex.

Well here we have a man already with a girlfriend, another girl going after him and asking advice from his FOFC 'friends'.

If you delay the decision too long you are going to end up just like the sitcom - stuck in a real dilema with no upside.

Tell your girlfriend now - your friends ex is obviously not discreet and if you are not careful you will be up Sh1t creek without a paddle not because of anything you did, but purely because of her issues.

[Franklinnoble]

Originally posted by sabotai
I say hurl. If you blow chunks and she comes back, she's yours. If you spew and she bolts, it was never meant to be.

:D

Classic... best advice posted yet, I think.

[tucker342]

when it gets back to your girlfriend it will go from the girl tried to kiss you, to you had sex with her all night. As I said before, tell your girlfriend, before someone else does.

or just have one big giant orgy with your girlfriend, your roomate's ex and your roomate's sister, now that will solve everything;)

[Tarkus]

Originally posted by tucker342
when it gets back to your girlfriend it will go from the girl tried to kiss you, to you had sex with her all night. As I said before, tell your girlfriend, before someone else does.

or just have one big giant orgy with your girlfriend, your roomate's ex and your roomate's sister, now that will solve everything;)
It was a stupid little kiss for crying out loud. It will never make it back and if it does just act like it was no big deal, which is was. I wouldn't lose any sleep over it.

Tarkus

[Travis]

Originally posted by Tarkus
It was a stupid little kiss for crying out loud. It will never make it back and if it does just act like it was no big deal, which is was. I wouldn't lose any sleep over it.

Tarkus

You must have had better luck with women than I have so far. In my experience, by the time it gets back to his gfriend (approx 3 months from now) it'll involve 6 strippers, a jacuzzi, $1,000 and somebody switching sexes.

Okay, so maybe not the jacuzzi part.

[CAsterling]

Originally posted by Travis
You must have had better luck with women than I have so far. In my experience, by the time it gets back to his gfriend (approx 3 months from now) it'll involve 6 strippers, a jacuzzi, $1,000 and somebody switching sexes.

Okay, so maybe not the jacuzzi part.

Sounds like personal experience to me - details we want details :D

[Easy Mac]

Originally posted by Fritz
doink your roomies sister. that will fix everything!

trust me, if you've seen my roommates sister, you wouldn't want me to "doink" her.

Oh, and me and the guy aren't living in the same apartment next year, I can't afford where the guys want to live.

Not much to report this evening, just chilling, although I should be at the 2 Skinnee J's concert at the Handlebar... damn girlfriend and her not liking my choice of music... but I've got to go see Live in April and Matchbox 20 in June... dammit, I'm too whipped to cheat :(

[3ric]

Originally posted by CAsterling
Does anybody here watch 'Coupling' on BBC America - stay with me it is slightly relevant.

If anybody saw last nights episode with Jeff, trying to explain to a girl that he already had a girlfriend, (with all his friends giving remote advice via a mobile phone) and she turned round and offered him no strings attached sex.

I recently saw that episode as well - me and my wife just love 'Coupling'. Might just be the best British comedy series since Blackadder.

[Samdari]

Mac - already having purchased the concert tickets does NOT represent a commitment.

[Easy Mac]

Originally posted by Samdari
Mac - already having purchased the concert tickets does NOT represent a commitment.

It does when its $75 worth of tickets for myself, another 75 for her. At least I can see Gov't Mule, Widespread Panic and Cowboy Mouth at the same festival as the Live concert.

[Draft Dodger]

1) Tell your girlfriend.
2) Do not eat anything that you find between the cusions of the sofa.

[Mountain]

Easy,

What concert is that? Is it in Greenville? I get to Greenville quite often because my girlfriend works for Michelin and we alternate weekends. I live in Columbia and love all the bands you mentioned especially Govenrment Mule who I haven't seen in quite some time.

[Easy Mac]

Gov't Mule and the such are at Charlotte City Fest somewhere around may or june (whatever I said earlier).

[ctmason]

Am I the only one that read through this whole thing and thought, "Where the hell are the powdered doughnuts in this thing?"