help

[WVUFAN]

I have no idea why I'm writing this on this forum, but I just need something, someone who might know how I'm feeling, and with the people on this board, maybe someone will. Maybe I just need to write this out, so bear with me those that read this. It'll probably ramble a bit.

My fiance just left me. We had been together for a while (a little under a year). I had met her at work, and she had gotten pregnant by an ex, and for some reason we really hit it off. As some of you might have figured out by now, sometimes I'm not the easiest person to understand or get along with, and she changed me in so many ways. She made me see that there's other opinions out there, and that understanding others makes me a better person. She and the little boy she had made me realize for the first time my desire to be a father, and that the priorities I had in my life weren't really the ones I wanted to have. I felt love for really the first time in a very, very long time, and I saw a future for myself that didn't involve me being alone. We had a wedding date set, was looking for a house, and I thought things were going ok. We had problems, but nothing that couldn't be worked out.

Monday, as we were working, she told me that she was leaving, that she loved me, but was afraid of getting married and then getting divorced 7 years later. She said she and I had both changed, that it "wasn't fair to me that she was changing me to what she wanted, and not who I was". And she said she wanted to do this "quick and painless", so she wrote it to me in a note on the back of a scrap piece of paper. She won't really talk to me and acts as if she doesn't care if I live or die.

I feel completely lost. I feel like the world has collapsed, and my entire reason for living is gone. I want to crawl into my bed and roll up into a ball. It's been several days now and I feel worse each day. I have to go to work every day and see her, and it kills me, it kills me to see her seemingly happy while I sit alone miserable.

I want to be angry at her, but I can't -- I still love her. I still am doing things that make things easier on her, and still look for ways to make her happy even if she doesn't care, which makes things worse. Every time someone asks me if I'm ok I want to break down. I've cried for the first time since I was 13 or 14, and I can't stop. I don't know what I did to deserve this, but I can't stop blaming myself, looking for things I may have done wrong.

I've devoted the last year of my life to nothing but making her and the child (I consider it my child -- it said "Dada" to me two days before she left me), and now I do not know what to do with my life. I've never felt so bad in my life.

I realize that sometimes the way I've acted on this board has been inappropriate, and that the words I've said may have been insulting and demeaning to people, and to those who I've offended I am sincerely sorry. I have no idea why I'm thinking of that right now, but I feel the need to say it.

All I want to know is what I can do to stop feeling this way. I just want to be angry or happy or something other than dead inside. I want to go to bed at night and not wish to not wake up, so I can stop feeling this way. I want to be normal again, but I don't know how to do that.

[DaddyTorgo]

gahhh...fuck man. I'm sorry to hear that

[DaddyTorgo]

And she said she wanted to do this "quick and painless", so she wrote it to me in a note on the back of a scrap piece of paper. She won't really talk to me and acts as if she doesn't care if I live or die.

It's not you, it's her. Anybody that would do this this way to someone they professed to care about is a fucking whack-a-doo.

I'm sure it's not easy to see now in the state you're in. Could you take some vacation or sick days? You gotta stop doing things to try to make her life easier too - that's not going to help you get over her and feel better. Because the reason you're doing it is because you think it will make her reconsider.

[Ramzavail]

damn, I'm sorry to hear that. I hate to say it and I'm sure it's hard for you to realize, she's acting awfully childish (writing on scrap paper, refusing to talk to you, to do it at your place of work) and maybe it's for the better.

That said, I couldn't even imagine going to work with her there. That's awful.

[Subby]

She's moved on. Time for you to do the same. Not saying it's easy, but at least it's a clean break. Might not seem so great right now, but in the long run you are better off.

One day you'll marry a wonderful woman and have your own kids and this will all be a distant memory.

Hang in there.

[Flasch186]

daddy, shut up :)

WVU, Im going to give you the advice I gave to a friend in a similar situation.

You almost need to hit the reset button in your head because when you do 2 things will happen:

1 you'll start to focus on yourself and making yourself whole again

2 she'll either see you are happy or on the road to recovery AND want to be a part of that because she senses your strength

OR

she wont notice BUT you're getting happier anyways and that is the goal....recovery.

Either way you move towards the goal of recovery and happiness.

When the time comes, whether oe not you take her back is another thread but for this one it is to search for that reset button.


and PING EF

[Ronnie Dobbs2]

Keep your head up and know that one day the hurt will be less. There's not much more I have to add other than a sunnier day will come.

[Groundhog]

DT is correct. If she can so heartlessly cut you off like that - especially written on a scrap of paper like that - then I don't think this is a girl that is going to make you happy longterm. It really sucks about the kid, no question though.

No matter what anyone says here or anywhere else, you are going to feel lousy for a while. Nothing willl stop that. All I can say is that things WILL get better eventually and to refrain from doing anything irrational in the heat of the moment.

You need to get out of the house, spend time with family and close friends, and basically just do things that take your mind off it. You are going to probably be a miserable bastard to hang around, but your friends should understand that. I know, I've been the friend in that situation a few times. :)

Doing nothing but dwell on it just causes it to keep on building up inside your mind and will drive you crazy.

[path12]

One thing I've found helps in situations like this is to set aside a schedule of when to grieve -- for example, tell yourself that you are going to put it aside until 6 - 8 PM or whatever -- and then during that time feel free to cry, scream, dwell or anything that comes to mind.

It's a process I used when my wife left me, and I remember finding it odd after awhile that when the time came I really didn't feel like mourning as much as I thought I would.....

[DaddyTorgo]

that's a cool idea path

[stevew]

I'm sorry she did this to you. I really think that some professional help would be a good idea before this drags you to places you can't get out of. You really dont want to spend the next 10 years cleaning up the messes and having future relationships poisonred.

[Swaggs]

If she was willing to break up with you by note, I think you will be better off, in the long run, without her. It sounds like you were a rock for her and a stablizing force during a tough time for her (during her pregnancy and having a child as a single mother). I wouldn't be surprised to see her come back to you if/when things get tough for her again.

It stinks that you have to see her and work with her everyday. I imagine it is extremely difficult to keep your cool all day long. It might be a good idea to use a week of vacation to take a few days to get your head right.

[Groundhog]

BTW, in my experience, blaming yourself in a breakup ("I'm changing you") is the coward's way out. I don't think anyone really breaks up with someone because they are trying to help the other person. I think that's the easiest thing to say to get out of it, because you feel like you are softening the blow by deflecting blame on yourself. I've used it more than a couple of times in my life, and it's never been the truth. That, combined with what has happened since, has me thinking that she is just a cold person.

[WVUFAN]

I'm sorry she did this to you. I really think that some professional help would be a good idea before this drags you to places you can't get out of. You really dont want to spend the next 10 years cleaning up the messes and having future relationships poisonred.

EDIT: Not going there.

[DeToxRox]

I am prefacing this with I am not trying to be a dick:

To did what she did, how she did it, it's obvious she doesn't want anymore contact with you. You can't beat yourself up over it, you can't change yourself, you can just pick yourself up and move on. This is one person. One person should not be your absolute happiness. If that is the case, you need to go out and find something else you love, be it a hobby or whatever. Find something constructive to ease your mind off her and build yourself back up.

Then fuck her best friend.

[Flasch186]

Ping EF

BTW yup. Its WVU time, time to get selfish.

[DaddyTorgo]

That's the other thing that goes through my head, and it's one of the things that really scare me, because I've never had these thoughts before -- when my parents go (my mother is not well, and both my parents are over 65), I will be completely and utterly alone. I've thought that maybe things would be better if I fell asleep one day and simply not woke up.

Now I'm not thinking of hurting myself, absolutely not, but the idea that I've even considered it scares me, but I can't stop it sometimes.

eh i've had those thoughts before, so i know what you mean. it's not being suicidal, it's being fatalistic. it's the reason sometimes i'll drive without a seatbelt.

[MikeVic]

Sorry to hear dude. :(

[kingnebwsu]

Sorry WVUFan. That really sucks.

I went though a similar thing back in October and it was really messy. It's actually still really messy...so in that regard a "clean" break is much easier than letting things linger (as I am doing now). I was where you are now...and it sucks. That's all there is to it. It will get better but not for a long time. Just be sure to hang with your close friends and family as much as you can. Spend time with them and spend time working and your days will go by much faster. That's the key is to get through each day, one day at a time. Be a recovering alcoholic for a while. It sucks and nothing any of us say will make things better. You don't have to "get over it" so to say. I believe that we never completely get over bad things that happen to us. She may eventually change her mind, but you can't count on that.

Wish I had better things to say, but just keep on truckin' man. Make it through today. Then wake up tomorrow and make it through tomorrow. Wash, rinse, repeat. Just surround yourself with good friends/family and get into activities that you enjoy. Remind yourself why it's good to be who you are and get back into things that you enjoy but may have neglected recently.

Good luck and take care man. Hang in there. It's tough now but it will get better (though not as soon as you want it to).

[Poli]

I hate to hear that WVU. Saying it will get better in time won't help you now, but it's certainly true.

Stay strong, my friend.

[ISiddiqui]

Sorry to hear the news, WVU :(. But it'll get better with time. Just hang in there for now and you'll see.

[M GO BLUE!!!]

It is a damn difficult time, but you have to realize that she was in your life for a reason... now she is not for a reason. You said yourself that she changed you for the better. You have taken a step thanks to her. Now it is time to take another step. Keep moving.

I would write her a short letter. Do not be negative or insulting in any way. Do not write it with the intention of winning her back. It's over.

If I were to write the letter it would be something like this:

Dear _____,

The last year of my life has been an amazing journey that I would not trade for anything. The time I spent with you has made me realize more of who I am than I could have ever known was possible. While I do not understand the reasoning behind your decision I respect it with the same respect that I have had for you in the past and I truly hope you find what you are looking for. Thank you for having been a part of my life.

[MikeVic]

She doesn't deserve a reply. ;)

[SFL Cat]

Nothing to add...

[Groundhog]

I think that's a nice letter, and would be a nice thing to send to someone you finished up on better terms with. But from the sound of things the girl would give no response to this, which would only make things seem worse I think.

[Radii]

She's moved on. Time for you to do the same. Not saying it's easy, but at least it's a clean break. Might not seem so great right now, but in the long run you are better off.

One day you'll marry a wonderful woman and have your own kids and this will all be a distant memory.

Hang in there.

Subby often says it best, so I'm just gonna quote this. Take care of yourself.

[M GO BLUE!!!]

I think that's a nice letter, and would be a nice thing to send to someone you finished up on better terms with. But from the sound of things the girl would give no response to this, which would only make things seem worse I think.

It's been my experience to always take the high road. In a few years he will likely be looking into his own child's eyes and very happy with a woman who can truly appreciate him. From the way it looks to me she will continue her path and probably never find true happiness. It may hurt now, but if he takes the high road he will feel better about it in the future than if he were to write a Sam Kinison letter. Women actually like those & hate the nice ones. They're evil like that.

[Karlifornia]

I remember when the first (and only) girl I've ever loved and I broke up for the last time. I dumped her, and tried to get her back, and she was done with me. I was messed up for a real long time, and in some ways I'm still dealing with it 3 years later.

It's rough. I know it sounds meaningless when people say it gets better. You don't care about later. You want to feel better now. When you're so accustomed to having that person, having them tear away from you is confusing and painful.

You know what, though? You just gotta deal. She ain't coming back for you whether you're a wreck or a bright shining human being. Pick which one you wanna be without her.

You need to keep slapping yourself in the face that it's a new chapter in your life.

[DaddyTorgo]

It's rough. I know it sounds meaningless when people say it gets better. You don't care about later. You want to feel better now. When you're so accustomed to having that person, having them tear away from you is confusing and painful.


yes yes yes

[CU Tiger]

I've devoted the last year of my life to nothing but making her and the child (I consider it my child -- it said "Dada" to me two days before she left me),


I'm wondering if there is not more significance here than mere coincidence on the timing....thats a hue thing in the pseudo surrogate parent world.

[Noop]

Honestly the sun will come up tomorrow. If your relationship with her was meant to be for a season then you must let that season past in order for something new to grow. I told myself as long as the sun continued to rise I will be okay in time. While this is easier said then done smile at the thought of her and realize that you probably dodged a bullet.

Stay positive and find something to do while you are feeling down. When I am sad I play text sims and get lost in that world for a bit, while I try to process the whole thing.

[Lorena]

Dang that sucks WVU.

The way she broke up with you was gutless, plain gutless.

I'm wondering if there is not more significance here than mere coincidence on the timing....thats a hue thing in the pseudo surrogate parent world.

I wouldn't doubt it.

[DaddyTorgo]

bitches...bitches *sighs*

[Raiders Army]

Sorry to hear it. If you spent so much time with her, why not re-connect with your friends? Take the opportunity to but the bros before the hos and I think they'll help pull you out of this.

Not that a messageboard wouldn't help, but any buddies who are physically present with you will help a lot more.

[Mizzou B-ball fan]

Judging from the way the breakup occurred and her general demeanor shortly after the break-up, I'd suggest to WVU that there might be some things going on that he was not aware of and that he's probably better off having a break now than when he was already married to this girl. A year is not a long time in a relationship. You've only begun to scratch the surface of what's there.

Add in that she's a single mother who was looking for a quick support mechanism and I'd say you'll be extremely happy in the near future that this didn't proceed any further. With a kid involved, it's very easy to get roped into loving the idea of having a family and the child is obviously easy to love. But that doesn't mean that it's the right situation or that the single parent has YOUR best interests in mind when fostering that relationship.

You'll look back at this in a year or two and wonder why you even wasted your time being upset about the situation. But I certainly realize that it doesn't change that fact that it hurts pretty good right now.

[Rizon]

Wow, I went through this same thing towards the end of last year, except she did it by email, then refused to talk to me in person about it.

There are some people in life that can't be saved, who seem to enjoy misery and are terrified of being happy. These people are irreparably broken, and there's nothing you can do about it.

I don't know what else to tell you, because it does blow hardcore.

[Lorena]

Also, a person who's already talking about divorce before even saying "i do" is not worth it, it would have been a rocky marriage from the get-go. I'd say it's a blessing in disguise.

As others have said, hang out with people who truly care about you. That and eat another 5 lb. hamburger :)

[Passacaglia]

As others have said, hang out with people who truly care about you. That and eat another 5 lb. hamburger :)

I like this advice. Sorry to hear, man.

[Mustang]

That and eat another 5 lb. hamburger :)

This is not a time for 5 lb hamburgers. This is a time for Double Turducken Explosion. Stuff a bacon explosion in a duck in a turkey.

As for her breaking up with you, that was a pretty shitacular way to do it. Sucks extra that you work with her, but don't even remotely think about trying to go somewhere else. (Unless of course it is a better job.. with hot women)

[lighthousekeeper]

All I can add is: Congrats!!! You probably don't realize it yet, but you just narrowly escaped what would have probably been the biggest mistake in your life. (i.e. marrying this woman)

[Eaglesfan27]

I don't have much to add. Others have hit the main points:

- This girl is emotionally/otherwise immature for breaking up with you this way. She is not a good prospect for a long term relationship and she actually did you a favor by ending it now, even though that is hard to see at this moment.

- It's great that this girl produced some positive changes in your life, but you cannot let those gains be lost because the relationship is over. You have to continue to develop your inner strength and not be completely dependant upon someone. While a significant other should be important to you, make sure you have your own time/interests away from them. Otherwise, it can lead to unhealthy relationships.

- I love Path's idea of a time to grieve each day.

- Like Subby said, this will one day be a distant memory as you continue to mature, and you meet the right woman to have a great life and family with.

You have my best wishes as you deal with this painful part of your life that almost everyone has gone through before. I remember how hard I took the end of my first 2 "serious" relationships.

[Mizzou B-ball fan]

As a sidenote, it is great to have EF27 around for an 'online couch session'. With that said, I'm always shocked at how many individuals outside of these situations are able to see so clearly what the person actually involved in the relationship issues cannot see on his/her own. A good perspective of the situation is so hard when you're involved and so easy when you're on the outside looking in.

[Lorena]

This is not a time for 5 lb hamburgers. This is a time for Double Turducken Explosion. Stuff a bacon explosion in a duck in a turkey.

That would go great after a Blueberry Waffle Breakfast Sandwich

http://22.media.tumblr.com/i2dw5nf19ko19bu0nFGZzTp8o1_500.jpg

[JediKooter]

Sorry to hear about this WVU. It sucks, no doubt about it. Been there before, as I'm sure a lot of people here have.

I've said it a thousand times, don't talk to her, don't email her, don't call her, don't write her a letter. The only contact you should have with her is in the exchange of belongings, that's it. Once that is done, she no longer exists.

There's just waaaaaaayyyyyy too many other women out there man. It's gonna suck for a while, that's normal, but, it isn't always going to suck. All the time you waste mourning her and missing her, is time you could have spent flirting with other women or having a good time, staying out late with you friends, a few extra hours playing Gears of War 2 (if you have the 360), saving money you are no longer spending on the ungreatful biotch, travel and the list goes on.

I'm not saying don't be sad, what I'm saying is, so what if your team didn't make it to the Super Bowl, with a couple of key free agent pick ups and a solid draft, Team WVU will be back in contention in no time. You just need to learn from your experience and keep moving forward.

P.S. DO NOT TALK TO HER... (/obiwankenobivoice)

[Mustang]

P.S. DO NOT TALK TO HER... (/obiwankenobivoice)

The first rule of Breakup Club is do not talk to her.

Although, he is going to... we all know it, we see it coming and we can warn him, but he will.

[DaddyTorgo]

The first rule of Breakup Club is do not talk to her.

Although, he is going to... we all know it, we see it coming and we can warn him, but he will.

Truth. And it doesn't help. It just makes you delusional and delays the necessary bitter feelings and cursing and anger.

fuckingbitchihopeshegetsinacarcrashandisthrownthroughthewindshieldatahighrateofspeedandendsupgettingrunoverbya18wheeler

feelings like that

[JediKooter]

If he talks to her, he should have his man card suspended for 7 games.

[GoldenEagle]

Sorry to hear about this WVU

Reminder to single people: Do not fish off the company pier.

[Rizon]

Reminder to single people: Do not fish off the company pier.

Never get high off your own supply.

[AgustusM]

for what is worth

I am 43 years old

I have been divorced

I have a blended family of 4 kids, two from my first marriage, one from my wifes first marriage and one together

along the broken road, I have had my heart broken, screwed over more girls than I care to admit and generally had a thousand ups and downs.

as many painful things as I have been through I would not change one thing as I am as happy today as I have even been and in fact more so than I ever thought I would be.

so long story short, stuff happens for a reason, do the best you can, be happy with yourself, make your self better and at some point a different woman will come along and make you wonder why any other woman ever mattered to you.

[flere-imsaho]

Very sucky news, WVU, sorry to hear it.

Lots of good advice here, and EF sums it up pretty well. I agree that, honestly, she did you a favor.

[path12]

The first rule of Breakup Club is do not talk to her.

Although, he is going to... we all know it, we see it coming and we can warn him, but he will.

We all do at some point, don't we? That's how you figure out it's not a good idea. :)

While I totally understand the whole bitterness factor it's really something that comes down the road a bit. It just happened to him, slagging her isn't going to help with what he's going through right now.

[Rizon]

We all do at some point, don't we? That's how you figure out it's not a good idea. :)

Haha, ugh, we do. We call, we talk to her friends, we write letters and emails. And in the end they're all just bricks in the wall.

[Lathum]

Nothing much new to add.

I was engaged when I was younger and had a very messy breakup, I was very lucky to have Saldana and other great friends to turn to and even then it was a rough road.

I am now married and love my wife more then anything. Looking back 2 things strike me

1. I was lucky and dodged a huge bullet

2. I really don't know how we were together as long as we were. The relationship I have with my wife is so much better words can't describe. My wife is the one I was meant to be with, not my ex.

You will find the right person, as hard as it is to think you did have the right one you obviously didn't, she will come along and when she does you will know it and wonder why you were so upset about your current situation.

[WVUFAN]

Well, another day at work, and another horrible day.

I woke up this morning (I actually slept for the first time in several days last night) determined to take some of your and others' advise. I work in a call center where I can wear pretty much whatever -- there's no real dress code per say. The last couple of days I've been coming in in sweat pants and a old Pats jersey, and really didn't care what I looked like to others. Today, however, I thought that maybe dressing nice on the outside would help me feel better on the inside.

And it worked. Until I saw her.

I was sitting on the couch in the break room watching ESPN when Kelly (that's her name) came in and sat next to me. And we began to talk -- about what I plan on doing in the future and whether we can be friends. I talked to her for a good while, and during the conversation she said "I really didn't want to break this off, but ..." and started talking about things I needed to change. It ended with me and her setting up a date next Friday for a movie -- kind of a re-start.

So I was on cloud nine. I was in a great mood for most of the day, and we I went to lunch feeling good about myself. She came in, and immediately it felt like something was wrong -- she was cold and distant all over again as soon as our "mutual" friend came in (he's been taking her back and forth from work since I no longer do so and she has no car of her own) and while I was trying to talk to her and act normally, at the end of lunch she said "You realize I don't feel the same about you that you do me."

And in a second, it all comes crashing down again. I feel an inch tall again, I feel dead all over again. I don't understand why she would want to go out with me again (and I made it clear it would be a date, not "friends"), then say that just a few hours later.

So I took some personal time from work for the rest of the day, and I can't get ahold of some of my friends that also weren't hers as well, and I sit here feeling worse that I have before. Then I read JediKooter say "don't talk to her" and I know why. But it's SO DAMN HARD NOT TO. It's so hard not to want to take her in my arms and hold her, but I can't.

I know I'm beating my head into a brick wall, but I can't stop.

[MikeVic]

She's screwing around with you already! Call off the date.

[Lathum]

thats cold

[spleen1015]

Quick question.

How old are you?

[Flasch186]

Friday night is now BBQ and beer night.

Then Saturday night it's go up to sneakers and watch the UFC night.

nuff said, selfish time baby!!

[Lathum]

Quick question.

How old are you?

according to his profile 36

[WVUFAN]

Quick question.

How old are you?

I'm 36.

[Eaglesfan27]

Biz Markie lyrics just popped in my head.

Never trust the "mutual friend," especially if she is going to act very different around him and he is driving her to and from work.

[spleen1015]

according to his profile 37

That kills my idea for getting over her.

The only bad break up I've had was when I was 18. A girl I was with for 20 months broke up with me and I thought she was the one. Yeah, I know I was only 18.

She broke up with me on Sunday. I realized I wasn't handling well and joined the Air Force, left for basic the following Thursday. Turns out to be the best decision I have ever made. It got in on the right path in more ways than one.

[spleen1015]

Biz Markie lyrics just popped in my head.

Never trust the "mutual friend," especially if she is going to act very different around him and he is driving her to and from work.

That's what I was thinking.

[flere-imsaho]

Seen this a million times - she's screwing with you (whether intentionally or not, doesn't matter).

I know it's hard to do, God knows I know it's hard to do, but it's time to institute Zero Communication Protoccol.

[JediKooter]

It's going to be hard to follow the don't talk to her rule since you work with her.

You just have to be a dick. If the conversation isn't about work, I'd just walk off or leave the break room, etc...

I love how women rationalize things to work themselves up to break up with you and then have the balls to want to still be friends. Sorry, it just doesn't work that way. It's like, "Hey, sorry I ran over your dog, but, I just went out and bought you a brand new puppy!! Are we cool now?" WTF???? No, we are not cool and we won't be cool for a very very long time.

[WVUFAN]

That kills my idea for getting over her.

The only bad break up I've had was when I was 18. A girl I was with for 20 months broke up with me and I thought she was the one. Yeah, I know I was only 18.

She broke up with me on Sunday. I realized I wasn't handling well and joined the Air Force, left for basic the following Thursday. Turns out to be the best decision I have ever made. It got in on the right path in more ways than one.

Already been in the military. Served a little over 4 years in the Army in the early 1990's.

[Lathum]

you should find a way to get her fired.

[WVUFAN]

Seen this a million times - she's screwing with you (whether intentionally or not, doesn't matter).

I know it's hard to do, God knows I know it's hard to do, but it's time to institute Zero Communication Protoccol.

But why? Why would she agree to go out on a date then say that. I don't even know what to think about that.

[sabotai]

I've had my fair share of break ups (and get back togethers followed by a worse break up followed by us trying to more "casual" relationship to it pretty much being the worst fucking decision I've ever made.....anyway), but, I can't imagine what it must be like to work with the person who just dumped you.

Would it be difficult to find a new job? It may sound like a drastic thing to do, but you gotta get away from her.

[JediKooter]

I realized I wasn't handling well and joined the Air Force, left for basic the following Thursday. Turns out to be the best decision I have ever made. It got in on the right path in more ways than one.

Air Force! Represent!!!

[Flasch186]

you dont have to understand it. You just need to focus on you and the way you do that is through exercise, having fun, being selfish, and knowing that you're worth an awesome person to appreciate THAT. First though you have to appreciate THAT. dont shoot her......

and bear in mind that I cant even take my own advice based on some of my anxiety threads so I'd highly recommend focusing on EF's posts instead of mine.

[Eaglesfan27]

But why? Why would she agree to go out on a date then say that. I don't even know what to think about that.

It's possible she wants to keep you around as the backup in case things don't work out with the mutual friend. Or, she might be conflicted and thinking about putting the other guy into the backup role. Another possibility is that she is afraid of committment and is pushing you away. There are plenty of other possibilities as well. None of them sound like a good situation for you, and all of them would make me think that the no contact policy is likely the best one in this situation.

[flere-imsaho]

But why? Why would she agree to go out on a date then say that. I don't even know what to think about that.

If I were to be charitable I'd say she agreed to a date because she doesn't want to be mad and doesn't realize that she's just stringing you along.

If I was to not be charitable I'd say that she enjoys having power over your mental state and knows this is a way to prolong this (for whatever reason).

It doesn't matter - neither (nor any other possibility) are healthy for you.

Flasch is actually right here: you need to focus on how awesome you are and start doing anything you can to develop/re-connect/whatever with a circle of friends unrelated to her. Meet people for drinks. Join a club. Get involved in a sport, whatever.

And if you have to see her each day, treat her like an acquaintance, not a friend. Pretend to always be busy or preoccupied. If you're actually busy or preoccupied, even better. Nothing helps one get over a breakup better than by developing a very active social life unrelated to one's ex.

[Groundhog]

I'm willing to bet if WVU was cold to her, or even merely acquaintance-like, you would see an immediate change in the way she acts towards him.

[M GO BLUE!!!]

The gloves are off on this bitch now.

at the end of lunch she said "You realize I don't feel the same about you that you do me."


Appropriate response: "You mean you have respect for me?"

[JediKooter]

I don't know how big of a town Huntington is WVU, but, if there is a college near by...Friday night is coming up real quick, go to some bars by the college, flirt with some cuties (hey you may even get lucky), have some fun, heck, go shopping late at night and flirt with some of the cougars in the store, better yet, find the local cougar bar/hangout!!! No strings, unadulterated fun. What could be better?

Now, I'm not saying getting some tail is the cure all (though it sure does help), but, it definitely is an ego boost. You don't even have to do anything, be bold, get some digits, talk the talk. The worst she's gonna say is no and who gives a flying rats ass if she does. There's more to choose from.

Your ex made the choice of no longer being your 'other half', she lost all rights and priviledges to your life, you've just been given a pardon by the governor!!! Take advantage of it.



P.S. STILL...DON'T TALK TO HER

[JediKooter]

I'm willing to bet if WVU was cold to her, or even merely acquaintance-like, you would see an immediate change in the way she acts towards him.

DING DING DING!! WINNER!!! :D

[WVUFAN]

I don't know how big of a town Huntington is WVU, but, if there is a college near by...Friday night is coming up real quick, go to some bars by the college, flirt with some cuties (hey you may even get lucky), have some fun, heck, go shopping late at night and flirt with some of the cougars in the store, better yet, find the local cougar bar/hangout!!! No strings, unadulterated fun. What could be better?

Now, I'm not saying getting some tail is the cure all (though it sure does help), but, it definitely is an ego boost. You don't even have to do anything, be bold, get some digits, talk the talk. The worst she's gonna say is no and who gives a flying rats ass if she does. There's more to choose from.

Your ex made the choice of no longer being your 'other half', she lost all rights and priviledges to your life, you've just been given a pardon by the governor!!! Take advantage of it.



P.S. STILL...DON'T TALK TO HER

Marshall University is located in Huntington, but it's full of 20 year olds. I doubt if I'd fit too well in that crew.

[M GO BLUE!!!]

I'm willing to bet if WVU was cold to her, or even merely acquaintance-like, you would see an immediate change in the way she acts towards him.

Hello! He admits he was a jerk before he met her. Something changed. He admits he changed and is not as much of a jerk anymore. She obvously has issues and likes guys that are dicks. The single and pregnant thing should have been a red flag.

[JediKooter]

Marshall University is located in Huntington, but it's full of 20 year olds. I doubt if I'd fit too well in that crew.

You'd be surprised ;)

Tell them you fought in the Zombie wars of the late 20th century.

How far are you from Charleston? A buddy of mine I was in the Air Force with and played music with has a band that just released an album. They may be playing this weekend, I'm not sure though. Not sure what kind of music you like, but, going out and hearing some music from a live band may not be too bad of a get away.

[I. J. Reilly]

I watched two very good friends go through hard break-ups that looked very similar to the path you’re headed down.

It starts with the “we’re done” out of the blue, with some reason that is obviously not the reason. She then starts sending signals that maybe she’s reconsidering and you get your hopes up and it starts all over again. It goes on like this until finally you’ve had enough; you’ll realize that you can never be with someone who has caused you so much pain.

It takes a long time, but chin up, eventually you’ll be a fully functioning human being again. In the mean time remember that God created liquor and internet porn for a reason, and this is surely it.

[Rizon]

Man, I really feel for you. Going through this last year, and still going through it now, I know how you feel. You can PM me if you want to talk.

And yeah, the "friends" thing women pull is for a backup option. They like to keep as many backups as possible.

538

[WVUFAN]

Hello! He admits he was a jerk before he met her. Something changed. He admits he changed and is not as much of a jerk anymore. She obvously has issues and likes guys that are dicks. The single and pregnant thing should have been a red flag.

Not sure if I was a "jerk". I was an internet jerk, but in person I'd like to think I'm pretty nice.

In defense of her, she got pregnant by accident, and never told the father. I had met her during that time and was there for the whole thing -- for the labor and the delivery, for the baby blues after that, for when she had problems at home, ect. Yeah, I was there for her, but she honestly changed me in so many positive ways, and was there for me when my mother got diagnosed with her illness, and when I needed her.

I don't know why she's broken up with me, nor do I know why she's acting the way she is now, but she was everything I ever wanted, and that's why this is so damn hard.

[WVUFAN]

You'd be surprised ;)

Tell them you fought in the Zombie wars of the late 20th century.

How far are you from Charleston? A buddy of mine I was in the Air Force with and played music with has a band that just released an album. They may be playing this weekend, I'm not sure though. Not sure what kind of music you like, but, going out and hearing some music from a live band may not be too bad of a get away.

Charleston is about an hour away. What's the name of the band?

[DaddyTorgo]

Biz Markie lyrics just popped in my head.

Never trust the "mutual friend," especially if she is going to act very different around him and he is driving her to and from work.

you realize he's driving her to and from work because he's tapping that, don't you wvufan?

[DaddyTorgo]

The gloves are off on this bitch now.



Appropriate response: "You mean you have respect for me?"

:lol:

LUV IT!!!

[JediKooter]

Sheered Lepus. I have no idea if they are playing or not though.

I sent him a message, just waiting for a reply.

I'm not really sure what you would classify the music as...hard rockish?

Here's a link to their myspace page: http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewProfile&friendID=330610900

They have some songs up there you can listen to.

[Buccaneer]

Didn't we just go through this with someone else here recently??!??

As I said in that thread, you can hear all of the great advice you want (esp. from Dr. Brian) but it is YOU that have to take personal responsibility. Sometimes that mean to follow your heart, in other times your head. Either way, you will live with the consequences but most importantly, you will learn.

For those that are in the pits of emotionality, it is hard to see clearly. Do realize that it is over logically but also realize that it will take time to get over emotionally. The best advice I can give is to distract yourself by getting your mind and heart into something else. Not for revenge, bait or playing games but to buy time.

[molson]

That sucks.

When I've been there, I've tried focus on putting things between myself and the situation. Every second, and you're a little further away. But more importantly, every accomplishment, every event, and you're a little further away. Now would be a great time to accomplish something you've been putting off for while. Or travel to a new place. Or re-connect with an old friend. Or flirt with a random girl at a bar (especially if you've never done that before). Anytime you do something, anything, you're a little closer to healing.

[JediKooter]

Charleston is about an hour away. What's the name of the band?

Just heard back from him. They aren't playing until April. I guess they are prepping to go on tour and trying to get everything finalized or something.

There's always Halo Wars though, it just came out. :)

[CU Tiger]

you realize he's driving her to and from work because he's tapping that, don't you wvufan?


Ding Ding Ding

The only appropriate contact between you and her from this point forward involves anal sex, hair pulling, and comparisons out loud to every other woman you have ever been with.....finished with a dirty sanchez

[JediKooter]

Ding Ding Ding

The only appropriate contact between you and her from this point forward involves anal sex, hair pulling, and comparisons out loud to every other woman you have ever been with.....finished with a dirty sanchez

What? No donkey punch???

[Izulde]

Yep she's either hitting it with Mr. Mutual Friend or Mr. Mutual Friend is a sweaty-palmed Roderigo.

As others have also said, this girl's playing mind games. It's just what some women do.

I'll reiterate the cut off all contact bit. Tough to do I know, but the best thing to do in place of that is get absorbed in something else.

[Flasch186]

You'd be surprised ;)

Tell them you fought in the Zombie wars of the late 20th century.

How far are you from Charleston? A buddy of mine I was in the Air Force with and played music with has a band that just released an album. They may be playing this weekend, I'm not sure though. Not sure what kind of music you like, but, going out and hearing some music from a live band may not be too bad of a get away.

Y'know going to a bar striking up a conversation that leaves some college chick wondering somewhere, deep down inside, if you actually did once fight zombies would be awesome. You gotta be a really detail oriented story teller, say, "Just kidding." sometimes but than drop lines about it every now and then. Frickin awesome. Another game is to take 20 $1 bills and teach a girl how to play liars poker with them.

One time me and two friends went to a bar and found a spot nearby and started playing liars poker together and then got some girls to team up with us each, teaching them how to play the game etc....it was one of our best nights at the bar because we weren't 'prowling', were preoccupied and most importantly wearing our natural smiles that came from having a great time.

[Noop]

Once you decide that you and her won't ever be together again I would ignore her completely. Every time you see her do not acknowledge her presence at all when she tries to speak make a quick exit. It's been my experience women do not like to be ignored and doing so would make her feel like crap. If people ask about her don't say anything negative about her because doing that would make her thing you are bitter. Instead if someone asks what happened between you and her simply say it didn't work out.

So when she asks friends what you said they won't report how you were ranting and raving about how she hurt you. Instead you will give the appearance that she wasn't that important and that she was merely a moment. It will not be easy but it will be the only way to pay her back for cheating on you with the mutual friend. (I think she has been cheating but that's just me)

[stevew]

No more talking to her. If she wants to see Watchmen, let her do it on another guys dime.

I dunno if she had a long term plan to do you wrong, but it might just be her nature.

And she's likely been cheating on you so I'd probably go get tested for STDs.

[watravaler]

I'm willing to bet if WVU was cold to her, or even merely acquaintance-like, you would see an immediate change in the way she acts towards him.

This is the only option, unfortunately.

If you can't handle the asshole role, you're probably going to have to find another job, or get her fired.

Best of luck man...

[Chief Rum]

It is a damn difficult time, but you have to realize that she was in your life for a reason... now she is not for a reason. You said yourself that she changed you for the better. You have taken a step thanks to her. Now it is time to take another step. Keep moving.

I would write her a short letter. Do not be negative or insulting in any way. Do not write it with the intention of winning her back. It's over.

If I were to write the letter it would be something like this:

Dear _____,

The last year of my life has been an amazing journey that I would not trade for anything. The time I spent with you has made me realize more of who I am than I could have ever known was possible. While I do not understand the reasoning behind your decision I respect it with the same respect that I have had for you in the past and I truly hope you find what you are looking for. Thank you for having been a part of my life.

Two things.

One, she doesn't deserve a response. That's a crappy way to break up. And to offer little in the way of explanation, to act like it's all good and to ignore him, that's just wrong. That is a selfish person right there who doesn't deserve a pile of dog poop, much less a sincere thanks for the relationship letter.

Two, we all know WVUFan won't write that with an eye toward cutting ties. He would write it in the hopes she would read it and somehow come abck to him, and when she doesn't he'll just crash again. No, this is not good (well intentioned though it is).

Now the advice portion...

WVU, the first thing you got to do is fix your mind. You need separation. Take time off, take sick days, like others have said. Having her work with you is like having a thorn in your side you can't remove. Getting away for even as long as a week and celebrating yourself--you heard me, Celebrate You Being You--will do wonders.

The second thing is to remember who really matters to you. It's not her and her kid. It's you. You're a valuable person with a lot to give in this life to both others, and even importantly, yourself.

Your self-confidence is shaken right now. That's understandable. But you have to know, as real and painful as it feels, it's all fake. It's psycho-babble feelings of attachment we all feel and grow to depend on, because that
s who we are, we're human. We're social animals. But the fact of the matter is, you love yourself. And you should love yourself. Never forget that. Be proud of who you are, the good qualities you bring to the world, and luxuriate in the fact you are you and living your life for you and you alone. Soak it in, man. Don't throw away one more second on this shit.

You're the same person you were before, and that guy you saw you wanted to become, you can--and WILL--still become. Just not with this person, and she was a "nevergonnabe". You control your life and your happiness. Never forget that. She doesn't have control of that. She doesn't have that right--unless you give it to her, and you're not going to.

You may not be ready for what I am about to suggest, because every one of these needs its time to mourn. And that's okay. Grief like that is good to get out. That's why it's good to take time off, get away. It's like going to Detox. Love really is like a drug sometimes. Sure, it can (and often does) mean more than that, but it never surprising to me anymore when I see friends break up and it turns out it was the love itself, the attachment that was the love, not the object of that affection. Not saying your love with her was fake; what I am saying is that it will help if you think of it that way, because it's easier to turn on it, to fight it that way, to cleanse yourself.

Here's what I would suggest, when you're ready. Have a friend or two come over. And you go over your things and see what objects bring the most feelings about your relationship. Get Rid of Those! Somethings may be difficult to get rid of because of their intrinsic value, but if you can afford to do it, do it. And tell your friends they should not take "no" from you when you point something out and they move to remove it. They should take it--against your wishes. And throw it away, sell it, hell, have a bonfire.

Second, obviously, you will see her again. Before you see her again (I am talking after a break), make a list of the 5-10 things that annoyed you the most about her. Comeon, there's always tons of that stuff, from the petty to the huge. Think of how you will NOT miss those things. And then make a list of the ways your life is now IMPROVED because she is no longer in your life. Focus on those things. Memorize these things. And when you see her, when you feel those feelings, remember things like this. It should help you wash away the lovelorn feelings abit if you remember there is a bright and positive side to what happened, to where you are now--and it's only going to get better.

Good luck.

[DaddyTorgo]

oooh i like that advice CR!!!

if the economy wasn't in the pooper i'd burn the coat that i bought while i was on the phone with the bitch, since she was such a fan of "the sexy coat" as she called it.

unfortunately it's my only "classy" winter coat

[Groundhog]

Nice post CR.

[Chief Rum]

She's screwing around with you already! Call off the date.

:+1:

Big time major +1. If I could find a big, huge emoticon to express the emphatic size of this +1, I would post it. She doesn't deserve the right to fuck with you, dude. Get angry. Get cold. Don't let her talk at you about things you need to change, and don't take the sometimes cool, sometimes cold shoulder bit. That's a trick girls play on men to string them along. Don't let her have control. And don't go on that date.

You don't need to change. You're fine the way you are. Don't forget that.

[Mustang]

You need to uninstall the girlfriend program (with fiancee expansion pack) from your mental hard drive and install the 'Do What the Fuck I Want' program. Find some freeware firewall software that blocks out any control from remnants of the girlfriend program. You could optionally tweak it to allow blowjob packets through, just make sure you don't give it full access again.

Oh and +1 to CR. What she is doing is not normal so, make sure you don't get twisted up in all these games.

[Chief Rum]

oooh i like that advice CR!!!

if the economy wasn't in the pooper i'd burn the coat that i bought while i was on the phone with the bitch, since she was such a fan of "the sexy coat" as she called it.

unfortunately it's my only "classy" winter coat

Funny, you should mention this, DT. I don't recall if I responded in your thread (either of them, weren't there two?), but I had much the same thoughts there. Obviously, it's all in the past now, so it might or might not do you any good. But FWIW, I was reading along through your ordeal, and I really felt for what you were going through. And you're a Boston fan, and a Dem, I believe, so that's really, really hard for me to do. ;)

[Izulde]

I wouldn't get rid of stuff personally.

Now, put it away some place where you're not going to look at it, sure.

But it'll be nice to have the things to have a good chuckle over later on down the line.

[RainMaker]

But why? Why would she agree to go out on a date then say that. I don't even know what to think about that.

Because she can. It's power. She has control over you and likes it in a way. At the same time, you're not a challenge to her. Girls like a challenge, what they can't have, and you're doing the opposite.

From the way she broke up with you, it sounds a lot like she is interested in someone else. Perhaps someone online that she's on the verge of meeting and the guilt of doing it made her break up with you. Breaking up in a letter when you haven't been having many problems is a tell-tale sign that she is hiding something from you. People do that when they can't face the other person because they are lying.

My advice and the advice of many here is to just stay away. Don't be a jerk, don't completely ignore her, just stop doing what you're doing. Be cordial when you see her but keep it completely business. No lunch dates, no dinner dates, no nothing. Just say hi in the hallway.

This seems impossible to do, but it's the easiest way to stop feeling the way you do. I'd also suggest looking for a new job. Sure it's a drastic step but sometimes it's best to just get the girl out of your life for good. Seeing her everyday will be tough, seeing her eventually get a boyfriend will be tougher. Clean break is the only way to go and like someone said, push the reset button and start over with your social life.

And not to judge her, but she doesn't sound like a great person. She had a kid and didn't tell the father it was his. She didn't have the respect to break up with you face to face. Then she takes you on a date and humiliates you. That shouldn't be the person you want to be with and in due time, you'll be greatful this happened. Many of us have been through us, heed our advice.

[RainMaker]

My history with these situations:

First girl I was with for 1 year. Broke up and was devestated. It was mutual but I wanted her back. Sat around pouting and hanging out with her. We fooled around on occasion, would fight, and repeat. She started seeing another guy and I was real jealous. Tried to remain friends with her but it was just impossible. I did this game for nearly 6 months with her and felt absolutely like crap for 6 months.

The other girl I learned my lesson. She dumped me and I cut all ties. I would say hi to her when passing at the bars but wouldn't stick around for conversation. I found that being real nice but not interested in being friends is the best way to handle it. She would get insanely jealous when I'd be around other girls. Even left me 10 voicemails one night when I went out of town and she didn't see me at the regular bars. Drove my self esteem through the roof and allowed me to get over it quickly.

Breaking up is kind of like a game. The one that can act like they are over it and happy with their life wins.

[JediKooter]

Y'know going to a bar striking up a conversation that leaves some college chick wondering somewhere, deep down inside, if you actually did once fight zombies would be awesome. You gotta be a really detail oriented story teller, say, "Just kidding." sometimes but than drop lines about it every now and then. Frickin awesome. Another game is to take 20 $1 bills and teach a girl how to play liars poker with them.

One time me and two friends went to a bar and found a spot nearby and started playing liars poker together and then got some girls to team up with us each, teaching them how to play the game etc....it was one of our best nights at the bar because we weren't 'prowling', were preoccupied and most importantly wearing our natural smiles that came from having a great time.

Sounds like that was good time. No pressure, no trying too hard, just being yourselves and enjoying the company of a couple of cuties.

Even better, WVU can pull the 'former Army' card to add to the believability. Start out, "Yea, it began shortly after we arrived in Iraq during the 1st Gulf War...Next thing we know, there's this aweful low moan coming out of one of the abandoned buildings..."

[RainMaker]

Y'know going to a bar striking up a conversation that leaves some college chick wondering somewhere, deep down inside, if you actually did once fight zombies would be awesome. You gotta be a really detail oriented story teller, say, "Just kidding." sometimes but than drop lines about it every now and then. Frickin awesome. Another game is to take 20 $1 bills and teach a girl how to play liars poker with them.

One time me and two friends went to a bar and found a spot nearby and started playing liars poker together and then got some girls to team up with us each, teaching them how to play the game etc....it was one of our best nights at the bar because we weren't 'prowling', were preoccupied and most importantly wearing our natural smiles that came from having a great time.

Another fine game we called "Hoggin". You go out with a few friends and each put in $100 or so dollars. Not a small amount but something that would actually be awesome to win. Whoever takes home the fattest girl from the bar wins. I guarantee you that it'll be one of the funnest nights you have.

[DaddyTorgo]

Funny, you should mention this, DT. I don't recall if I responded in your thread (either of them, weren't there two?), but I had much the same thoughts there. Obviously, it's all in the past now, so it might or might not do you any good. But FWIW, I was reading along through your ordeal, and I really felt for what you were going through. And you're a Boston fan, and a Dem, I believe, so that's really, really hard for me to do. ;)

i pretty much did do what you mentioned. the coat is the only remnant, and i mean that's something that i picked out myself and bought for myself, etc. but that she just happened to like.

i had a little crystal xmas ornament and a lil teddybear with a sack (with the ornament in it) that i hadn't given to her.

i pissed on the ornament, cut the teddybear's chest open and gutted it, stuffed the pissed-on ornament into the chest, smashed it with a hammer into smithereens, then took the guts and the teddybear out into the street and burned them in a metal trashcan :devil:

[sterlingice]

i pretty much did do what you mentioned. the coat is the only remnant, and i mean that's something that i picked out myself and bought for myself, etc. but that she just happened to like.

i had a little crystal xmas ornament and a lil teddybear with a sack (with the ornament in it) that i hadn't given to her.

i pissed on the ornament, cut the teddybear's chest open and gutted it, stuffed the pissed-on ornament into the chest, smashed it with a hammer into smithereens, then took the guts and the teddybear out into the street and burned them in a metal trashcan :devil:

Who needs to spend hundreds of dollars in therapy when a Christmas ornament, teddy bear, a hammer, and a few matches will do :D

SI

[DaddyTorgo]

lighter fluid too!

shit burned realllllllllllll good!!

and i got really drunk too...a couple times.

[Passacaglia]

i pissed on the ornament, cut the teddybear's chest open and gutted it, stuffed the pissed-on ornament into the chest, smashed it with a hammer into smithereens, then took the guts and the teddybear out into the street and burned them in a metal trashcan :devil:

Wow. And people make fun of Fozzie just for punching a wall! :p

[sterlingice]

lighter fluid too!

shit burned realllllllllllll good!!

and i got really drunk too...a couple times.

Well, alcohol is pretty much assumed ;)

SI

[DaddyTorgo]

Wow. And people make fun of Fozzie just for punching a wall! :p

hey - don't forget the trees!

but yes. viva my "anger management issues"

[Passacaglia]

Oh yeah, it was a tree. That is funnier than a wall, for sure. But using fire definitely trumps mere punching.

[molson]

Another fine game we called "Hoggin". You go out with a few friends and each put in $100 or so dollars. Not a small amount but something that would actually be awesome to win. Whoever takes home the fattest girl from the bar wins. I guarantee you that it'll be one of the funnest nights you have.

I bet second place has never felt emptier.

[Crim]

I bet second place has never felt emptier.

awesome

[WVUFAN]

Update:

She hasn't shown up for work in the past week, so I (stupidly) went to her apartment to find out what's going on. It was there I had my words with her, really told her how I felt and how I hurt her. I was angry for the first time, and she got defensive, and it didn't end well. Any chance for a reconciliation is gone. I felt great for about 10 minutes afterwards, and now I feel like crap again, but everyone around me tells me this is for the best.

Someone told me that I didn't miss her as much as I miss the idea of having my own family. That might be true. I feel better than I have the past two weeks, but I think I should have just let it go and not confront her -- it didn't solve anything but make her cry.

[Lathum]

did she quit or something?

[sabotai]

Someone told me that I didn't miss her as much as I miss the idea of having my own family. That might be true.

I got that vibe when I read your original post. I think this is true for a lot of people, they just don't want to admit it.

[M GO BLUE!!!]

People get funny with breakups.

A friend of mine was complaining about his wife, saying she wasn't a good wife or mother. He was saying he would divorce her, but was afraid of losing his kids (boy 2, girl 1.) Two weeks later he's on the phone crying... He came home and she was waiting for him to tell him that she got married too young, was tired of being married and taking care of kids. She was leaving him for a friend of his (who was waiting outside in his car.) It was also his birthday. He now agrees with me that it was the best birthday gift he ever got.

[DaddyTorgo]

People get funny with breakups.

A friend of mine was complaining about his wife, saying she wasn't a good wife or mother. He was saying he would divorce her, but was afraid of losing his kids (boy 2, girl 1.) Two weeks later he's on the phone crying... He came home and she was waiting for him to tell him that she got married too young, was tired of being married and taking care of kids. She was leaving him for a friend of his (who was waiting outside in his car.) It was also his birthday. He now agrees with me that it was the best birthday gift he ever got.

ouch. that's fucking cold.

[DaddyTorgo]

Update:

She hasn't shown up for work in the past week, so I (stupidly) went to her apartment to find out what's going on. It was there I had my words with her, really told her how I felt and how I hurt her. I was angry for the first time, and she got defensive, and it didn't end well. Any chance for a reconciliation is gone. I felt great for about 10 minutes afterwards, and now I feel like crap again, but everyone around me tells me this is for the best.

Someone told me that I didn't miss her as much as I miss the idea of having my own family. That might be true. I feel better than I have the past two weeks, but I think I should have just let it go and not confront her -- it didn't solve anything but make her cry.

yeah you probably shouldn't have gone to her apartment, but sometimes you have to test the waters yourself and realize that it's dead before you can accept it, so i totally understand that.

[WVUFAN]

did she quit or something?

She was fired on Thursday. My friends say that if she was just using me for my stability, she'll be calling as soon as she has her phone turned on (it's a new apartment) next week.

I'm pretty sure she's with our "friend", in which case he's certainly not a friend of mine anymore. I'm sad to see she has no job now, because the baby will be the one to suffer, but it makes going to work a little easier.

[Lorena]

She was fired on Thursday. My friends say that if she was just using me for my stability, she'll be calling as soon as she has her phone turned on (it's a new apartment) next week.

I'm pretty sure she's with our "friend", in which case he's certainly not a friend of mine anymore. I'm sad to see she has no job now, because the baby will be the one to suffer, but it makes going to work a little easier.

Yikes, sounds like karma smacked her pretty good.

[Noop]

I hope you don't plan on taking her back...

[WVUFAN]

I hope you don't plan on taking her back...

I doubt she'll ask, but if she does, the answer will be no. I'll be tempted, simply because I still have feelings for her, but no.

[Poli]

Good man.

[ColtCrazy]

She was fired on Thursday. My friends say that if she was just using me for my stability, she'll be calling as soon as she has her phone turned on (it's a new apartment) next week.

I'm pretty sure she's with our "friend", in which case he's certainly not a friend of mine anymore. I'm sad to see she has no job now, because the baby will be the one to suffer, but it makes going to work a little easier.

Don't pick up the phone, don't answer an email. Don't talk to this women. I dated a Drama Queen on 2 different occasions for about 5 years. We went out for 2 years, broke up, and I stupidly got back with her 9 months later (editor's note...no significance in the 9 month time slot!!!) Well, the 2nd go around was all about her being lonely and seeing me be successful. It lasted a year, but we weren't physical the last 5-6 months. Not long afterward I started dating what would eventually be my wife. The ex calls about 2 months into the relationship and wants to "be friends" Needless to say I said that wasn't going to work and that was that...

then, 7 years later, it's last month and she finds me on facebook and condescendingly notes "you look like you are doing well for youself" and comments on my wife and kids. I never responded.

What does this prove? That these people never change. Stay away, and you'll be much happier for it. I promise.