Help me be a dink

[Fidatelo]

My brother just won our NHL pool for the first time in his life. In years past he has been known to pay the winner in humorous/dinkish ways. For example, one year he brought a sack of 2000 unrolled pennies, and another year he paid in Mexican Pesos. So it's payback time, and I'm trying to think of a nice evil way to harass him with my payment.

The only idea I have right now is to write 20 separate $1 cheques, and then mail them individually over a period of 4-6 weeks. Ideally I'd also mail them in such a way that he has to go to the post office to pick them up (I think this typically is required if you have to sign for something but aren't around when they come by). Unfortunately I'm guessing that the costs of this will be prohibitive, although I'm going to look into it.

So, assuming I can't afford to pull off the above, I'm wondering if any of the evil geniuses here can help me think of something else that might work. Any ideas?

[chesapeake]

Does it have to be in cash in some form? If not, you could get him a $20 gift certificate for a bikini wax.

[Fidatelo]

I think it needs to be something he can convert to cash, so gift certificates are probably out. The conversion can be as painful as possible, though. I wonder if I could place the money into a paypal-type account and make him somehow withdraw it from there?

[Poli]

I still have some Kenyan Shillings.

[Dr. Sak]

Send a (nasty) stripper to his house, with his payment in her panties and he has to dig to get it.

[TCY Junkie]

Hey, I talked to your girlfriend. You might need this for a second pregnancy test. If he isn't doing her, be ready to run.

[Lorena]

Staple the $$ on a piece of paper

Give him $20 worth of stamps

[Ronnie Dobbs2]

Something embarrassing (maxipads, etc) with a receipt for him to return.

[Lorena]

Staple the $$ on a piece of paper

Give him $20 worth of stamps

And by stapling, I mean staple all around the bills so it's hard for him to remove 'em.

[Fidatelo]

And by stapling, I mean staple all around the bills so it's hard for him to remove 'em.

This has potential, I like this.

[TCY Junkie]

There needs to be more details. Then you will get something great, probably not from me though.

[boberot]

You could do the check thing, and in the "For:" or "Memo" section write something completely humiliating.

[Lorena]

This has potential, I like this.

You can also tape a bunch of change on a piece of paper.

[Fidatelo]

There needs to be more details. Then you will get something great, definitely not from me though.

Fixed

[Mustang]

Buy some peanut butter, remove said peanut butter from the jar. Add coins to peanut butter and repack.

That or get a candle, melt it down and add the coins and reform the candle with the coins in it.

[cthomer5000]

convert the large ONE on the back of each bill to BONER via magic marker.

[Fidatelo]

You can also tape a bunch of change on a piece of paper.

I think the act of taping the change might be more time consuming than tearing it off.

[Comey]

You could rip a $20 into half, mail him half of it and the first clue towards finding the other half.

[Fidatelo]

Buy some peanut butter, remove said peanut butter from the jar. Add coins to peanut butter and repack.

That or get a candle, melt it down and add the coins and reform the candle with the coins in it.

Now this is creative. I really like the idea of forming something around the coins. Jello might be fun, he could see them all floating around in there!

[Fidatelo]

convert the large ONE on the back of each bill to BONER via magic marker.

You could rip a $20 into half, mail him half of it and the first clue towards finding the other half.

I'm not really sure I want to deface the money (illegal), and specifically in regards to the top suggestion, we don't have 1 dollar bills here so it doesn't work.

[Comey]

Bah, just saw you're in Canada. I'm not sure how they handle it, but in the US, if a dollar bill is ripped in half, it can be taped together...and if a merchant won't take it, you can go to a Federal Reserve Bank for an exchange.

[cthomer5000]

wait, canada has the internet?

[Fidatelo]

wait, canada has the internet?

No, I have a friend in North Dakota that helped me run cable across the border and into my house.

[DaddyTorgo]

hahaha

[DaddyTorgo]

No, I have a friend in North Dakota that helped me run cable across the border and into my house.

:lol:

[Comey]

They just got Netscape and Prodigy. Bryan Adams and Jesus Jones paid for it.

The latter is a convert to Canadaism.

[Mustang]

No, I have a friend in North Dakota that helped me run cable across the border and into my house.

wait, North Dakota has the internet?

[cthomer5000]

LOL, good work.

I don't know that I have any other suggestions that haven't been covered.

[Mustang]

Now this is creative. I really like the idea of forming something around the coins. Jello might be fun, he could see them all floating around in there!

Well, it is a hockey pool so, you could freeze the money in a big block of ice then. Although, you'll need to freeze a 1/2 a block, put the coins down and then finish the freeze so they are in the middle.

[Fidatelo]

Well, it is a hockey pool so, you could freeze the money in a big block of ice then. Although, you'll need to freeze a 1/2 a block, put the coins down and then finish the freeze so they are in the middle.

I like the thematic tie-in, but logistically this is not as ideal as peanut butter, wax, or jello. Recovering the coins would be as simple as letting the block melt in a sink and then scooping them out.

I'm really getting on board with the peanut butter.

[DaddyTorgo]

send him a drawing of a spider that you value at $20?

[Fidatelo]

wait, North Dakota has the internet?

Ya, but they try to keep it on the low down so that Obama doesn't take it away.

[Fidatelo]

send him a drawing of a spider that you value at $20?

lol

[DaddyTorgo]

peanut butter is good. melt it partially in a big can and then put the coins in and then let it thicken up again.

maybe you could use something like an empty water-jug or something of that size? and fill it with a ton of peanut butter and the coins. i'm thinking a real shitload of peanut butter.

[lordscarlet]

Put the block of peanut butter inside a block of ice?

[CU Tiger]

its been mentioned above, but for golfing or bet debts, I like to write a check and in the memo "For the Best Blowjob ever"

[DaddyTorgo]

i think you want the volume of the peanut butter to make attempts to manipulate it difficult, that's the best idea.

OR

bake brownies with laxatives inside them. put the coins inside the brownies and hopefully he'll be like "oh well i might as well eat the brownies and spit out the coins" and voila! this works best if it's only a couple brownies so he'd eat them all.

[Dr. Sak]

its been mentioned above, but for golfing or bet debts, I like to write a check and in the memo "For the Best Blowjob ever"

I always use either "Nude Gay Art Show" or "Midget Strippers".

[spleen1015]

I like the idea of buying something embarrassing for $20 and giving him the receipt to return it for the cash.

[DaddyTorgo]

I like the idea of buying something embarrassing for $20 and giving him the receipt to return it for the cash.

dildo?

[Ksyrup]

OK, first you need to either be married or living with a chick you're sharing expenses with, and then you need to either have an operation (one or both of you) or use protection and be REALLY careful when you have sex.

[Fidatelo]

There are two downsides to the "embarrassing item refund" gag:

1) Although it is convertible to cash, I'm not sure it would truly be considered payment.
2) In order to force him into being embarrassed returning the item, I'd have to purchase the thing, which would be equally embarrassing.

[stevew]

get 4 condoms
shove 5-1dollar coins into each one.
shoot in a small amount of whitish hand soap/lotion.
Tie end to seal.
mail.

[Matthean]

You could do the check thing, and in the "For:" or "Memo" section write something completely humiliating.

"Thanks for the (insert sexual favor here)."

[Gary Gorski]

Get FOFC friends to go to local casinos and get a $1 chip, mail to you and then give them to him so he would have to go across the country cashing in the chips

[TCY Junkie]

Fixed

Take a shit in a box and instead of playing in it, drop two rolls of quarters in there and give it to him.

[Lorena]

Take a shit in a box and instead of playing in it, drop two rolls of quarters in there and give it to him.

Or make fake poop from chocolate and put the $$ in it.

[Lorena]

Or make fake poop from chocolate and put the $$ in it.

fake throwup will probably work too

[sterlingice]

You could do the check thing, and in the "For:" or "Memo" section write something completely humiliating.

I really like the check thing. It might be worth it to rent out a PO Box for a month or two just so he has to go get them.

SI

[sterlingice]

I always use either "Nude Gay Art Show" or "Midget Strippers".

Why limit yourself? You can do 20 different once :)

SI

[Fidatelo]

A couple co-workers have expanded on the peanut butter idea. Honey was suggested, as was acrylic, contact cement, and even just straight concrete. I'm starting to lean towards honey due to its transparency, but I'm not certain on whether it will be thick enough to keep the coins suspended throughout the jar rather than sinking to the bottom. Another option would be to just stick a $20 bill into a jar and then encase it in honey.

This is so much fun!

[sterlingice]

Now if you had a few million years, you could get it encased in amber like the insects in Jurassic Park

Do you have a time machine? That would make it easier ;)

SI

[JediKooter]

Tell him you donated the money to a gambling addiction charity

[stevew]

Go to the biggest bus station in town. Rent a locker, take the key. Put the envelope with 20 bucks in it. Hand him the locker key. Tell him good luck finding it.

[DaddyTorgo]

A couple co-workers have expanded on the peanut butter idea. Honey was suggested, as was acrylic, contact cement, and even just straight concrete. I'm starting to lean towards honey due to its transparency, but I'm not certain on whether it will be thick enough to keep the coins suspended throughout the jar rather than sinking to the bottom. Another option would be to just stick a $20 bill into a jar and then encase it in honey.

This is so much fun!

i think the idea of honey is great but is screaming out for you to test it first

again i stick by the "you want a mass of stuff that makes it difficult to get the coins out" idea too. not just a lil jar of honey...a JUG of honey. Or two jugs combined.

[Bad-example]

A couple co-workers have expanded on the peanut butter idea. Honey was suggested, as was acrylic, contact cement, and even just straight concrete. I'm starting to lean towards honey due to its transparency, but I'm not certain on whether it will be thick enough to keep the coins suspended throughout the jar rather than sinking to the bottom. Another option would be to just stick a $20 bill into a jar and then encase it in honey.

This is so much fun!

Take the peanut butter, combine with the coins, place in diaper, place in box, add wrapping and ribbon.

[TCY Junkie]

Or make fake poop from chocolate and put the $$ in it.

Take three ones and make an arrow sticking in the poop pointing to the rest of the money. I did that to a waitress one time I knew with a roll, everybody was looking at me like I was crazy but she liked it.

[Gary Gorski]

You could buy a coin that's worth $20 and then pay him the one coin

[DaddyTorgo]

but then it might appreciate and be worth more

[RendeR]

Get the largest bottle of KY you can find, drop in bills and coins both. The bills will have to be washed and dried to be used. the coins will sink to the bottom due to weight.

[JediKooter]

Hide it in Kathy Griffins ass crack.

[Dr. Sak]

Hide it in Kathy Griffins ass crack.

Everything in there belongs to Pumpy!

[Kathy Griffin]

Hide it in Kathy Griffins ass crack.

Don't even think about it! My ass crack is reserved property!

[Kathy Griffin]

Everything in there belongs to Pumpy!

It most certainly does not!

[JediKooter]

I heard it's like the Bermuda Triangle in there.

[Ksyrup]

This is the kind of talk that makes me take 6 month sabbaticals away from this place.

[TCY Junkie]

Don't worry he probably got the story backwards.