Worst birthday present ever...

[JediKooter]

A divorce. WTF? Thanks, just what I wanted. You didn't have to, really. Wasn't the best gift wrapping, a text followed up by a long heated phone call.

You said you don't love me anymore. Ok, does it have anything to do with all those phone calls and text messages to someone that is not Jedikooter? 311 (three hundred and eleven) phone calls between the two since May 19 and too many texts to count. Sheese, I know I'm not a very talkative person, but, man, the phones are in my name, show some respect.

I call the number, funny, no one answers. Hmmmm...

And now I'm drunk. Actually, I've been drunk since before this post.

Just venting. Sorry to have wasted anyone's time thinking that maybe I got some jacked up tie or a weight watchers subscription. Sorry, can't think of too many witty things right now. I guess that's what I get for being an atheist. ;)


End of line...

[TLK]

That's horrible.

[Karlifornia]

Yow, dude. Very terrible news. I know we're both in SJ. If you want to meet and have some drinks on me, just send a PM

Sorry, again, dude.

[PilotMan]

And I thought my last birthday was bad. Sorry dude, you can have it. That is terrible. Sorry.

[Radii]

aw shit, WTF :( Sorry man.

[SegRat]

Very sorry to hear the terrible news.

[Peregrine]

Oh man, really sucks - especially on your birthday.

[Edward64]

Sorry to hear. Hang in there.

[Flasch186]

dude.

[fantom1979]

I came to this thread expecting to compete for the worst birthday present ever. I lose. Sorry man, that is horrible.

[MacroGuru]

I came to this thread expecting to compete for the worst birthday present ever. I lose. Sorry man, that is horrible.

Same here....I am sorry man...

[terpkristin]

Yikes!
Best of luck Jedi, that's awful.

/tk

[SteveMax58]

This isnt the funny thread I was expecting...sorry Jedi...that really sux.

[PurdueBrad]

Very sorry Jedi, best of luck man.

[M GO BLUE!!!]

Consider it a great birthday present. You are a free man. Free from a lying cunt. You should have replied "Thank you. This is the best birthday ever!"

[Bad-example]

:(

[JeeberD]

Ouch, sorry man... :(

[ISiddiqui]

Yikes! I'm sorry to hear that man :(

[gkb]

Yeah, that sucks...what a kick in the balls. It probably wouldn't have sucked much less a day after your birthday, but still, she could've waited 24 hours.

[duckman]

That is beyond fucked up.

[Lorena]

:(

[M GO BLUE!!!]

What is it about women that they not only want to hurt us, but crush us and destroy us?

I gave that little bit of advice earlier from experience. I have a friend who came home from work on his birthday expecting a nice dinner with his family. He noticed a friend of his sitting in a car in the street. The friend didn't want to talk. When he walked in the door his wife was standing there waiting. She told him "I'm sick of being a wife & mother. I got married too young. I need to have fun and experience life. I'm leaving you & the kids for (his friend.)"

At the time it tore his gut out, despite the fact that two weeks prior he was complaining to me about her, wishing he had a way to get rid of her & keep the kids. It turned out to be the best gift she could have come up with.

[path12]

Sorry to hear, Jedi.

[DaddyTorgo]

A divorce. WTF? Thanks, just what I wanted. You didn't have to, really. Wasn't the best gift wrapping, a text followed up by a long heated phone call.

You said you don't love me anymore. Ok, does it have anything to do with all those phone calls and text messages to someone that is not Jedikooter? 311 (three hundred and eleven) phone calls between the two since May 19 and too many texts to count. Sheese, I know I'm not a very talkative person, but, man, the phones are in my name, show some respect.

I call the number, funny, no one answers. Hmmmm...

And now I'm drunk. Actually, I've been drunk since before this post.

Just venting. Sorry to have wasted anyone's time thinking that maybe I got some jacked up tie or a weight watchers subscription. Sorry, can't think of too many witty things right now. I guess that's what I get for being an atheist. ;)


End of line...

fuck her. sorry man. lying cheating bitches are the worst.

*shaking my head* i'm about convinced to give up on the whole lot of them.

[DaddyTorgo]

Yeah, that sucks...what a kick in the balls. It probably wouldn't have sucked much less a day after your birthday, but still, she could've waited 24 hours.

i wouldn't put it past her to have done it on purpose, to try to "taint" his birthday in his mind.

bitch.

[DaddyTorgo]

hang in there man - we're here for ya

[JonInMiddleGA]

I think deals like this are why the word cunt was invented.

Hang in there JK, you're already one day closer to healing than you were yesterday (yeah, faint faint comfort at best I know).

[Izulde]

If there's a hell, I hope she burns in it. That's one of the lowest things somebody can do.

Sorry it happened, but if she's that much of a cold-hearted bitch, you really are better off.

[chinaski]

Theres always an upside to fucked up situations like this... at least now you know what an asshole she really is and you dont have to waste any more time on her. Anyone who would cheat on you AND break up with you via text and/or phone is also a special brand of trash. Someday you'll look back and be thankful all this happened.

[CamEdwards]

Oh man... I'm really sorry JK.

[DaddyTorgo]

Theres always an upside to fucked up situations like this... at least now you know what an asshole she really is and you dont have to waste any more time on her. Anyone who would cheat on you AND break up with you via text and/or phone is also a special brand of trash. Someday you'll look back and be thankful all this happened.

especially if you're married and not 16

[DaddyTorgo]

presumably you've already called and had her phone shutoff (since it's in your name).

if it was me i'd also in this situation pull the old "throw a suitcase and clothes out on the lawn for her and tell her to go shack up with whoever is at phone #xxx-xxxx" thing. Or else pack your shit, call and have all services (gas, water, cable, etc) shutoff, and get outa there.

in the future you'll look at this as "freedom day" as well as your birthday

[Oilers9911]

That's cold man. Hang in there. It will get better.

[MizzouRah]

her fucking loss Jedi.. hang in there..

[Sun Tzu]

Fuck that bitch.

[JetsIn06]

Fuckin' bitch.

[DaddyTorgo]

oh, and idk what your financial situation is like, and i know the divorce laws there in california frankly are ridiculous (but idk all the details), but you might want to consult a lawyer and/or a PI and see if there's any way you can avoid having to give the bitch too much since she was clearly cheating on you.

[sterlingice]

Ouch, sorry man. :(

SI

[sterlingice]

oh, and idk what your financial situation is like, and i know the divorce laws there in california frankly are ridiculous (but idk all the details), but you might want to consult a lawyer and/or a PI and see if there's any way you can avoid having to give the bitch too much since she was clearly cheating on you.

Yeah, time to print out the phone records and record any conversations with that mysterious number

SI

[DaddyTorgo]

CA is usually pretty douchy and it's 50/50 pretty much, but if you can prove infidelity you might have a better shot of coming out ahead

[sooner333]

That sucks man. As for the money issues that people talk about, it's probably time to start going into asset protect mode. It might be 50/50, but you want to make sure it's 50/50 of more assets, not fewer assets because of what she spent in the meantime.

[Fonzie]

:(

[BYU 14]

Total Bullshit, so sorry to hear the news as I know it can be devastating. I know it's cliche, but time will eventually be your friend here and you will find this was a blessing one day. Anybody that would spring this on you on your birthday is not worthy of anything but scorn.

Just hang in there and take it day by day.

[JediKooter]

EDIT: To clarify, my birthday is actually on the 18th, she said that's when she was going to tell me she wants out.

Thanks to all for your support. I just woke, I'm surprised I actually got any sleep.

Wow, I did not expect this many responses. haha.

I guess maybe it would help to give some background...

We would have been married for 7 years in December. She has two daughters that I absolutely love and treat them as if they were my own. My wife and I haven't always had the best marriage and I haven't always been the best communicator or the best husband, I am no saint by any stretch of the imagination. We get into arguments and I don't always say the nicest things to my wife. We don't argue all the time, so it's not like we are constantly at each others throats.

Everything I do, is to make her and the girls lives better. I really don't care about me, I just want them to be happy.

As for the phone number she is calling and text messaging. We have verizon and we have that out of network friends and family plan. That number is on there and the name on there, I know him. He is gay. Gay in the very since that he has a HUSBAND type gay. However, with that friends and family plan, you can assign any to any number that you want. So, if I want to name a particular number, Super Nutz, I can do that. She knows that I know, he is gay and I'm she assumed that I would just think, "oh it's just him, their just girl talking". I would believe that, however, when I compared phone records with emails that we sent between us, the more suspicious I become.

Example: My morning routine during the week is, I come into work and email her and ask her how she is doing, how's her day going so far and that I miss her and love her. This one particular email she sent me after sending my email to her, she tells me that she fell asleep at 8pm and slept all the way through the night. I look at the phone records from that night where she says she fell asleep at 8 and see that she made a phone call to him at 11:54pm for almost an hour. I guess she simply forgot that she was on the phone until almost 1 in the morning and that's why she didn't tell me.

The most common example would be, I would email her and she would email me back saying that she's swamped or it's super busy, but, checking the phone records, she is calling him while at work. Wow, you are either the ultimate multi tasker or you are lying to me. Plain and simple.

So I haven't proven 100% that she is cheating on me, but, the circumstantial evidence is not in her favor.

And I am thinking about cutting her phone off, since I saw on her facebook page that she downloaded the facebook app for Blackberry. Didn't know she had a Blackberry...so I think if I cut her phone off, she will be alright.

Finances, not super complex. We don't own a home, we have no kids together. Just some credit card debt and one vehicle that will be paid off in about 2 years. I am however torn on what to do about 'our' house. I love this house, I would like to keep it because, I never planned on being up in the San Jose area permanently. The rent is 1600 a month in a very good neighborhood. The landlords are awesome, they have never raised our rent once in the 7 years that we have lived here. However, I am paying 700 (utilities included) dollars a month in rent for the shack that I live in up in San Jose. Those two rents are about half a months pay right there. Other than cable/internet and the monthly credit card bills, I have no other financial obligations.

I'm down in San Diego now, thinking I was going to do the super hero thing and 'save my marriage'. However, when my wife found out that I was coming home, she said that she doesn't want to be around me, so I haven't seen her since I've been here.

The kick in the nuts was when I was on the phone with her while stuck in that beautiful LA traffic on a Friday night, was when she said that she didn't love me anymore. You can take all of the broken bones, torn knee ligaments and kidney stones that I've had and multiply them by a million and they still would never come close to hurting as bad as it did when she told me that.

I'll be back up in the San Jose are late Sunday night (have to get back to work on Monday), so maybe sometime next week we (good suggestion Karlfornia) can do something for any of you in the area.

I'll try and answer some of the more specific posts. It's good therapy.

[JediKooter]

What is it about women that they not only want to hurt us, but crush us and destroy us?

I gave that little bit of advice earlier from experience. I have a friend who came home from work on his birthday expecting a nice dinner with his family. He noticed a friend of his sitting in a car in the street. The friend didn't want to talk. When he walked in the door his wife was standing there waiting. She told him "I'm sick of being a wife & mother. I got married too young. I need to have fun and experience life. I'm leaving you & the kids for (his friend.)"

At the time it tore his gut out, despite the fact that two weeks prior he was complaining to me about her, wishing he had a way to get rid of her & keep the kids. It turned out to be the best gift she could have come up with.

Sounds like he got the better end of the deal by getting to keep the kids. It is funny how things work out.

[JediKooter]

Theres always an upside to fucked up situations like this... at least now you know what an asshole she really is and you dont have to waste any more time on her. Anyone who would cheat on you AND break up with you via text and/or phone is also a special brand of trash. Someday you'll look back and be thankful all this happened.

I know time heals a lot of things and sucks now because it's in the immediate aftermath. She says because I got pissy with her, that's why she brought it up, when she was intending to bring it up to me when I was down here for my birthday next weekend.

[JediKooter]

presumably you've already called and had her phone shutoff (since it's in your name).

if it was me i'd also in this situation pull the old "throw a suitcase and clothes out on the lawn for her and tell her to go shack up with whoever is at phone #xxx-xxxx" thing. Or else pack your shit, call and have all services (gas, water, cable, etc) shutoff, and get outa there.

in the future you'll look at this as "freedom day" as well as your birthday

I told her to look into getting a new phone because I will be shutting it off in the very very near future. I'm giving her some time (a couple of days actually) because of the girls.

As much as I have been a dick to her at certain times in the past and I would love to pack her stuff up and do that, I just can't. I've been running the whole gammut of emotions, from crying like a huge baby to getting pissed off beyond belief. I'll be 38 soon and I just don't feel like starting over, I was set, I was happy, I was where I wanted to be until the day I died. When I think of my future, I'm just "whatever" right now.

[stevew]

I'd advise going on financial and credit lockdown as quickly as possible. You don't want her to drain your bank account, or max out your credit cards. If you want to be divorced, definitely take the initiative to get things separated as quickly as possible. You don't want her dinging your credit for the forseeable future.

[JediKooter]

I'd advise going on financial and credit lockdown as quickly as possible. You don't want her to drain your bank account, or max out your credit cards. If you want to be divorced, definitely take the initiative to get things separated as quickly as possible. You don't want her dinging your credit for the forseeable future.

Definitely dang good advice. I told her that I wanted all of the user names and passwords to all of our accounts (bank, credit cards, etc...) She said she would do it on Monday and I told her that was unacceptable and needed by tomorrow.

I do not want to get divorced, but, it isn't under any of my control, haha.

[cougarfreak]

I'd advise going on financial and credit lockdown as quickly as possible. You don't want her to drain your bank account, or max out your credit cards. If you want to be divorced, definitely take the initiative to get things separated as quickly as possible. You don't want her dinging your credit for the forseeable future.

+1.......start protecting yourself pronto. I got fucked from my divorce in this regard. Start looking out for numero uno. Lady is a flat out bitch.

[sterlingice]

Definitely dang good advice. I told her that I wanted all of the user names and passwords to all of our accounts (bank, credit cards, etc...) She said she would do it on Monday and I told her that was unacceptable and needed by tomorrow.

I do not want to get divorced, but, it isn't under any of my control, haha.

Phone numbers work, too- get all the records, call them and cut them off very, very quickly. You are both in vulnerable states and people can do something crazy really quickly. What's to say she doesn't say "Screw it" and use one of your credit cards to book a trip with her new "friend" to, say, Hawaii or worse? How long is that going to take to dig out from under?

Anyone who has been through this- I don't know the specifics- but we've heard the stories around here. Anyone have some specific advice to help him out?

SI

[BYU 14]

I'd advise going on financial and credit lockdown as quickly as possible. You don't want her to drain your bank account, or max out your credit cards. If you want to be divorced, definitely take the initiative to get things separated as quickly as possible. You don't want her dinging your credit for the forseeable future.

I will tag on here, my ex took 3000 out of MY checking account, because she had an extra card and I didn't act fast enough. There was not a damn thing I could about it either, except sit and curse myself for being stupid and trusting.

[Radii]

As much as I have been a dick to her at certain times in the past and I would love to pack her stuff up and do that, I just can't.

Yeah don't do this. She's the one that wants to end it, she's the one that is almost certainly cheating. Don't do anything that could give her any leverage at all anywhere, especially financially by doing something that could get her possessions/valuables damaged.


I'll be 38 soon and I just don't feel like starting over, I was set, I was happy, I was where I wanted to be until the day I died. When I think of my future, I'm just "whatever" right now.

There will be time later to figure out what the future holds, long term at least. No need to worry about it now. Just deal with the immediate problems and you'll be set.



Shockingly, I agree with Steve about looking into whatever you need to do to protect yourself and your credit and your finances and such. ;) One thing I somehow didn't even think about until after the fact in my divorce is that either party can, without the consent of the other, empty and even close a joint checking account. Luckily my actual divorce was quite amicable(as much as a divorce can be, which is to say it fucking sucked but we didn't go broke lawyer'ing each other to death) and my problems didn't begin until after all that was settled heh. I dunno the best/proper way to protect yourself from those potential problems, but i would definitely recommend figuring that out ASAP.

[cougarfreak]

Phone numbers work, too- get all the records, call them and cut them off very, very quickly. You are both in vulnerable states and people can do something crazy really quickly. What's to say she doesn't say "Screw it" and use one of your credit cards to book a trip with her new "friend" to, say, Hawaii or worse? How long is that going to take to dig out from under?

Anyone who has been through this- I don't know the specifics- but we've heard the stories around here. Anyone have some specific advice to help him out?

SI

I'd call all the credit cards my name was on and put a freeze on them. Tell her it's been done, and she can open new accounts in her name only for the time being. (you can do the same) That way, if a divorce proceeding does happen, you know exactly where your finances are from the get go. I'd call her and tell her you're taking 1/2 of the savings/checking, whatever out, and open an account in your name only, and request her to do the same (this will tell you if she's serious about all this shit or not). Does she work?

[EagleFan]

That sucks dude. I wish you the best.

[JediKooter]

+1.......start protecting yourself pronto. I got fucked from my divorce in this regard. Start looking out for numero uno. Lady is a flat out bitch.

My dad said exactly that. Well, not the bitch part, but the other stuff. haha.


Phone numbers work, too- get all the records, call them and cut them off very, very quickly. You are both in vulnerable states and people can do something crazy really quickly. What's to say she doesn't say "Screw it" and use one of your credit cards to book a trip with her new "friend" to, say, Hawaii or worse? How long is that going to take to dig out from under?

Anyone who has been through this- I don't know the specifics- but we've heard the stories around here. Anyone have some specific advice to help him out?

SI

I've printed out the phone records, so I've got that. I think the one thing that I should be ok is, our cards are pretty much maxed out, so unless she wants to buy him a sandwich or something, they aren't going very far. However, I have no idea if she has opened up anything under my name that I don't know about. Her whole thing throughout our relationship has been about trust and honesty, but, people do crazy shit all the time that goes against what they harp about.


I will tag on here, my ex took 3000 out of MY checking account, because she had an extra card and I didn't act fast enough. There was not a damn thing I could about it either, except sit and curse myself for being stupid and trusting.

Ouch!! I am opening up an account on Monday and having my direct deposit changed to that. I will only give her money that is for our finances that we incurred together. I have to figure out a way to get my name off the Explorer I bought her and have it financed under her name. If that's even possible.


Yeah don't do this. She's the one that wants to end it, she's the one that is almost certainly cheating. Don't do anything that could give her any leverage at all anywhere, especially financially by doing something that could get her possessions/valuables damaged.

Yes, yes, that is my thinking too. Even though when she text messages me, I can't resist throwing in a jab now and then. I have to stop doing that, but, dang it!!!!


There will be time later to figure out what the future holds, long term at least. No need to worry about it now. Just deal with the immediate problems and you'll be set.

Shockingly, I agree with Steve about looking into whatever you need to do to protect yourself and your credit and your finances and such. One thing I somehow didn't even think about until after the fact in my divorce is that either party can, without the consent of the other, empty and even close a joint checking account. Luckily my actual divorce was quite amicable(as much as a divorce can be, which is to say it fucking sucked but we didn't go broke lawyer'ing each other to death) and my problems didn't begin until after all that was settled heh. I dunno the best/proper way to protect yourself from those potential problems, but i would definitely recommend figuring that out ASAP.

It's just really weird right now. When I got married, it just never occurred to me what life would be like without her. It's a very strange feeling. She's threatened to leave me before, but, we've always come to our senses and realize whatever was troubling us, was not as big of a deal as it initially seemed.

My dad says to get a lawyer. That's great, but affording that is just not option right now. I do want to do everything I can to protect myself and not hurt the girls. My wife is a big girl, she can fend for herself, but, I really don't want to mess up the girls.


And on a side note...there's always 3 sides to a story, my version, her version and the actual truth. I have not been the best husband by any stretch of the imagination. However, I have not been the worst husband either. She has gone above and beyond many times in our marriage and always went out of her way to show me how much she loves me. I think I f'd up in not returning that to her. I'm horrible with emotions and communicating what I feel and getting the words out right.

[JediKooter]

That sucks dude. I wish you the best.

Thank you, I appreciate it!

[MikeVic]

http://iremembersnorks.files.wordpress.com/2009/06/hang_in_there-1.jpg

[JediKooter]

http://iremembersnorks.files.wordpress.com/2009/06/hang_in_there-1.jpg

haha! Thanks!

[DanGarion]

I think deals like this are why the word cunt was invented.

Hang in there JK, you're already one day closer to healing than you were yesterday (yeah, faint faint comfort at best I know).

Actually the word cunt didn't become vulgar till the 1800s...

[RainMaker]

That really sucks, sorry to hear. Don't worry about "starting over" at 38. I have friends who have gotten divorced around that age and ended up real happy. Heck, I was just at a wedding a couple months back for a friend who got married for the first time at 40 to a great woman and he's as happy as ever. There are a lot of horny divorcees out there that are right in your wheelhouse.

For as much shit as guys get for being pigs or assholes, women are 10x more cold blooded. I think you're right about your assumptions that she's cheating. My guess is that she doesn't want you down there because she's with him a lot. Anyone who would do that to you isn't worth it in the end and you're better off without them. Sounds cliche and cheesy, but you'll find out soon enough that it's true.

[cougarfreak]

And on a side note...there's always 3 sides to a story, my version, her version and the actual truth. I have not been the best husband by any stretch of the imagination. However, I have not been the worst husband either. She has gone above and beyond many times in our marriage and always went out of her way to show me how much she loves me. I think I f'd up in not returning that to her. I'm horrible with emotions and communicating what I feel and getting the words out right.

That doesn't excuse a wife calling you on the phone and telling you it's over. That's total BS. Take you dad's advice, it's good advice. Whether you like it or not, forget about her kids for the time being (not literally), but honestly, I can't imagine you having any parental rights, and chances are, if she really feels like she sounds, you might not see much of them ever again. Again, numer uno my man. Take care of it, or you'll end up like me, and get totally fucked and not even realize it until it's over.

[JediKooter]

I'd call all the credit cards my name was on and put a freeze on them. Tell her it's been done, and she can open new accounts in her name only for the time being. (you can do the same) That way, if a divorce proceeding does happen, you know exactly where your finances are from the get go. I'd call her and tell her you're taking 1/2 of the savings/checking, whatever out, and open an account in your name only, and request her to do the same (this will tell you if she's serious about all this shit or not). Does she work?

I missed this one...

She agreed to giving me her cards. All of the credit cards were opened under my name (her credit sucks) and I put her on them as an authorized user.

Yes she does work, full time. She kicks ass at her job and will go far. I'm sad that I won't get to see her career grow and see how successful she becomes. She makes roughly half of what I do. She could probably afford to stay in our house (we rent), but will struggle until she gets a decent raise or finds someone else (which she may already have) to subsidize her expenses.

[cougarfreak]

I missed this one...

She agreed to giving me her cards. All of the credit cards were opened under my name (her credit sucks) and I put her on them as an authorized user.

Yes she does work, full time. She kicks ass at her job and will go far. I'm sad that I won't get to see her career grow and see how successful she becomes. She makes roughly half of what I do. She could probably afford to stay in our house (we rent), but will struggle until she gets a decent raise or finds someone else (which she may already have) to subsidize her expenses.

She can still charge stuff online and such w/o the cards. I know it sounds harsh, but I'd get the accounts changed.

[RainMaker]

I missed this one...

She agreed to giving me her cards. All of the credit cards were opened under my name (her credit sucks) and I put her on them as an authorized user.

Yes she does work, full time. She kicks ass at her job and will go far. I'm sad that I won't get to see her career grow and see how successful she becomes. She makes roughly half of what I do. She could probably afford to stay in our house (we rent), but will struggle until she gets a decent raise or finds someone else (which she may already have) to subsidize her expenses.

I'd still have her removed right away as an authorized user and those cards cancelled.

[JediKooter]

That really sucks, sorry to hear. Don't worry about "starting over" at 38. I have friends who have gotten divorced around that age and ended up real happy. Heck, I was just at a wedding a couple months back for a friend who got married for the first time at 40 to a great woman and he's as happy as ever. There are a lot of horny divorcees out there that are right in your wheelhouse.

For as much shit as guys get for being pigs or assholes, women are 10x more cold blooded. I think you're right about your assumptions that she's cheating. My guess is that she doesn't want you down there because she's with him a lot. Anyone who would do that to you isn't worth it in the end and you're better off without them. Sounds cliche and cheesy, but you'll find out soon enough that it's true.

It's funny you mention the divorcees. There's a bar in Los Gatos that has reputation as a 'cougar' bar, but, it's more like a lonely divorcee bar. Gonna have to check it out.

Oh I totally agree, we are crude, rude and can be dicks. I've always been understanding about needed your own space and time with friends. On the 4th of July weekend, she wanted to have a 'girls' weekend and I was totally cook with that. I'm not a jealous person, believe it or not, I think this whole experience will make me a somewhat jealous person. Yes, better off without them for sure. Not as cheesy as you think. :)

[JediKooter]

She can still charge stuff online and such w/o the cards. I know it sounds harsh, but I'd get the accounts changed.

I don't have the info to do that. She has it all. I only have our bank account info and none of the cards are through the bank. :(

[JediKooter]

I'd still have her removed right away as an authorized user and those cards cancelled.

I will do that as soon as I have the info.

[JonInMiddleGA]

Actually the word cunt didn't become vulgar till the 1800s...

Did alimony begin around that same time? ;)

[Radii]

order your credit report from all 3 bureau's. It will have contact info for all credit accounts in your name, and you can go through each one one by one and call them up.

You'll also see a list of credit inquiries where attempts to gain credit may have been made(though many credit inquiries are legit, your current cards doing their quarterly checkups and whatnot). If you see inquiries from companies you don't recognize call them up and make sure there are no accounts in your name with them. I found cell phone plans and utility bills in my name that I may never have found out about otherwise that way.

The fact that you say she has bad credit makes this seem a little more of a red flag to me. In my situation during our marriage we never had credit issues because I was good with money. But after the divorce was final, her bad credit + her being mad at me = an opportunity to get even. Not saying you have a reason to believe that kind of thing might happen to you but its just extra incentive to figure out everything.

[JonInMiddleGA]

I will only give her money that is for our finances that we incurred together.

Make sure you have proof of every dime of that, at the very least do it by check so that you have those. But under no circumstance give her cash for anything like that. Otherwise you risk paying it now and then paying it again later.

[JonInMiddleGA]

order your credit report from all 3 bureau's. It will have contact info for all credit accounts in your name, and you can go through each one one by one and call them up.

+1

[Radii]

dola,

AnnualCreditReport (https://www.annualcreditreport.com/cra/index.jsp)

That's the official site for the "one free credit report a year" rule that went into effect over the last few years(more info on that The Federal Trade Commission's Information on Free Annual Credit Reports (http://www.ftc.gov/freereports) if you're interested).

You should not have to pay for you credit reports and it should be an easy process. You won't get your credit score on the free report IIRC, but for these purposes it doesn't matter.

[BYU 14]

Make sure you have proof of every dime of that, at the very least do it by check so that you have those. But under no circumstance give her cash for anything like that. Otherwise you risk paying it now and then paying it again later.

Another big +1, avoid cash and if you do make her sign a receipt. When giving checks document the memo with exactly what it is for. I got bit in this area too, because I thought we would have a civil above board divorce, which it turns out os pretty much alway a contradiction in terms.

[Matthean]

She has gone above and beyond many times in our marriage and always went out of her way to show me how much she loves me. I think I f'd up in not returning that to her. I'm horrible with emotions and communicating what I feel and getting the words out right.

So...you were a guy then. There should have been a turning point in the marriage that it got bad enough for her to be open enough about any issues to possibly look at marriage counseling. At least this way you can have a heads up that things need to be worked on before she drops the hammer. Since she had kids from a previous relationship, she obviously thinks it's better to just bail then find ways to make it work. I wouldn't be too excited if I were the next guy.

One thing to think about, find as many guys who have been married only once for a long time and you are willing to talk with them and befriend them in a way that they kind of become your accountability partners. You might only need to find one guy and sit down for a cup of coffee, or whatever twice a month. Sometimes guys need another guy telling them they did something stupid. If your wife says it, she's "nagging" you. Another guy says it, then well...

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[JediKooter]

order your credit report from all 3 bureau's. It will have contact info for all credit accounts in your name, and you can go through each one one by one and call them up.

You'll also see a list of credit inquiries where attempts to gain credit may have been made(though many credit inquiries are legit, your current cards doing their quarterly checkups and whatnot). If you see inquiries from companies you don't recognize call them up and make sure there are no accounts in your name with them. I found cell phone plans and utility bills in my name that I may never have found out about otherwise that way.

The fact that you say she has bad credit makes this seem a little more of a red flag to me. In my situation during our marriage we never had credit issues because I was good with money. But after the divorce was final, her bad credit + her being mad at me = an opportunity to get even. Not saying you have a reason to believe that kind of thing might happen to you but its just extra incentive to figure out everything.

I definitely know all about that for sure. Been trying to get her credit straightened out for a couple of years now. I do check my credit reports about once a month and I haven't seen anything new...yet.

People do weird things and even though I doubt she would do anything like that, I do have protect myself.




Make sure you have proof of every dime of that, at the very least do it by check so that you have those. But under no circumstance give her cash for anything like that. Otherwise you risk paying it now and then paying it again later.

Oh heck yes. Definitely not given her cash for anything.


Another big +1, avoid cash and if you do make her sign a receipt. When giving checks document the memo with exactly what it is for. I got bit in this area too, because I thought we would have a civil above board divorce, which it turns out os pretty much alway a contradiction in terms.

She keeps saying she wants to keep it civil. I would like to believe her, but, I don't. I definitely will be keeping track of all the transactions that will be going on between me and her.


So...you were a guy then. There should have been a turning point in the marriage that it got bad enough for her to be open enough about any issues to possibly look at marriage counseling. At least this way you can have a heads up that things need to be worked on before she drops the hammer. Since she had kids from a previous relationship, she obviously thinks it's better to just bail then find ways to make it work. I wouldn't be too excited if I were the next guy.

One thing to think about, find as many guys who have been married only once for a long time and you are willing to talk with them and befriend them in a way that they kind of become your accountability partners. You might only need to find one guy and sit down for a cup of coffee, or whatever twice a month. Sometimes guys need another guy telling them they did something stupid. If your wife says it, she's "nagging" you. Another guy says it, then well...

Funny you bring up marriage counseling. Last year I wanted us to go to counseling and she refused to go, so I went by myself. Like I've said, we haven't always had the best marriage but we always managed to work things out in the end.

That's something I may try. Just don't know. It is true, sometimes when your wife tells you something it does feel like she is nagging you. I always had a problem with how she approached me with problems. It was always in a bitchy tone. So, I would respond in a bitchy tone back to her. I would always tell her, it's all in the tone. If you come at me, of course I'm going to get defensive. I'm not saying that's the right way to handle it, that's just me.

[DaddyTorgo]

god...this sucks

[JediKooter]

god...this sucks

You ain't kidding DT.

My best friend should be calling me in a little while, we are supposed to hang out for a while tonight.

[DaddyTorgo]

You ain't kidding DT.

My best friend should be calling me in a little while, we are supposed to hang out for a while tonight.

good!

get some you-time...maybe try to...get away from it all for a lil bit hmM?

[Glengoyne]

I had a bad experience with this once.

I got the news on the answering machine. The #$%&@ left me a freaking message.

Literally two days before I got the message, she walked out right before the Superbowl started. I remember thinking "Don't you freaking screw up Superbowl Sunday for me." In any case. The Birthday even trumps what I thought would have been a nightmare scenario for me.

On a brighter side. Many Superbowls have now come and gone without me even noting the tie with my divorce. Time really can heal these pains.

To follow up with some of the above comments. Don't trust her. If the opportunity presents itself to screw her over...do it. She will do the same to you...All of her friends are giving her the same advice. It is better to Do unto others in this instance. Seriously. Cut off all of the credit lines. Freeze every account you have.

My wife paid off all of her credit cards the last month, while leaving mine with only minimum payments. She even went and paid off retail store bills for household items she planned to take with her. Upon learning that she and her new live in love were off in Hawaii less than a week after walking out on me...I called every credit card I had in stolen...she really should have had the travel agency mail the receipt somewhere else.

Seriously. Freeze all of the accounts. Just call the companies and tell them they need to apply a domestic hold/domestic dispute ...hold on the account.

Oh and only time will make this better. The months after my separation began were the longest of my life.

[DaddyTorgo]

yeahh...see all these experiences is why i think i done sworn off bitches

[Mike1409]

yeahh...see all these experiences is why i think i done sworn off bitches
+1

[JediKooter]

good!

get some you-time...maybe try to...get away from it all for a lil bit hmM?

Well crap, looks like I'm not going out. Haven't heard from him after I talked to him.

The wife keeps texting me when I'm leaving so her and the girls can stop by the house and get a few things.

[DaddyTorgo]

Well crap, looks like I'm not going out. Haven't heard from him after I talked to him.

The wife keeps texting me when I'm leaving so her and the girls can stop by the house and get a few things.

i have a problem with this post, and it's your use of the words "the wife" instead of something more derogatory and appropriate.

[JediKooter]

I had a bad experience with this once.

I got the news on the answering machine. The #$%&@ left me a freaking message.

Literally two days before I got the message, she walked out right before the Superbowl started. I remember thinking "Don't you freaking screw up Superbowl Sunday for me." In any case. The Birthday even trumps what I thought would have been a nightmare scenario for me.

On a brighter side. Many Superbowls have now come and gone without me even noting the tie with my divorce. Time really can heal these pains.

To follow up with some of the above comments. Don't trust her. If the opportunity presents itself to screw her over...do it. She will do the same to you...All of her friends are giving her the same advice. It is better to Do unto others in this instance. Seriously. Cut off all of the credit lines. Freeze every account you have.

My wife paid off all of her credit cards the last month, while leaving mine with only minimum payments. She even went and paid off retail store bills for household items she planned to take with her. Upon learning that she and her new live in love were off in Hawaii less than a week after walking out on me...I called every credit card I had in stolen...she really should have had the travel agency mail the receipt somewhere else.

Seriously. Freeze all of the accounts. Just call the companies and tell them they need to apply a domestic hold/domestic dispute ...hold on the account.

Oh and only time will make this better. The months after my separation began were the longest of my life.

Wow, on the answering machine. That is pretty f'd up. Isn't it nice to see how they will talk and talk and talk about honesty and not being selfish, yet, they are the first ones to put honesty aside and turn selfish when things aren't going their way.

The Super Bowl is pretty bad man. Especially if there was a bunch of people over. I bet her Hawaii trip got a whole lot less fun when she couldn't use those cards anymore, haha!!

Yes, it sucks big time now and I agree time should make it better. I hope one day I can look back on this thread and just think, man, I was a sniveling little bitch. :)

[JediKooter]

i have a problem with this post, and it's your use of the words "the wife" instead of something more derogatory and appropriate.

I totally understand your point of view DT, it's just that even with all the shit that's going on right now, I still respect her (not for what she's done, but, because I married her). It's kinda hard to explain really. I dispise what she has done, don't get me wrong, but, I took my wedding vows seriously. It's a commitment that I did not take lightly and was prepared to follow through to the very end. I'm just rambling now, sorry.

[path12]

i have a problem with this post, and it's your use of the words "the wife" instead of something more derogatory and appropriate.

When my ex-wife left me I was so pissed at people who called her names. The anger comes later.

[DaddyTorgo]

When my ex-wife left me I was so pissed at people who called her names. The anger comes later.

okay...valid point

[DaddyTorgo]

I totally understand your point of view DT, it's just that even with all the shit that's going on right now, I still respect her (not for what she's done, but, because I married her). It's kinda hard to explain really. I dispise what she has done, don't get me wrong, but, I took my wedding vows seriously. It's a commitment that I did not take lightly and was prepared to follow through to the very end. I'm just rambling now, sorry.

it's cool...ramble on

[JediKooter]

it's cool...ramble on

So this night didn't go as planned. Just been sitting home and watching stupid movies on SciFi or syfy or whatever the heck they want to call it now.

[DaddyTorgo]

So this night didn't go as planned. Just been sitting home and watching stupid movies on SciFi or syfy or whatever the heck they want to call it now.

that sucks. almost as much as scyfy's whole "rebranding attempt" sucks

[JediKooter]

that sucks. almost as much as scyfy's whole "rebranding attempt" sucks

No doubt man. Got to find something do or I'm going to go nuts.

[Rizon]

oh, and idk what your financial situation is like, and i know the divorce laws there in california frankly are ridiculous (but idk all the details), but you might want to consult a lawyer and/or a PI and see if there's any way you can avoid having to give the bitch too much since she was clearly cheating on you.

EDIT: To clarify, my birthday is actually on the 18th, she said that's when she was going to tell me she wants out.

Thanks to all for your support. I just woke, I'm surprised I actually got any sleep.

Wow, I did not expect this many responses. haha.

I guess maybe it would help to give some background...

We would have been married for 7 years in December. She has two daughters that I absolutely love and treat them as if they were my own. My wife and I haven't always had the best marriage and I haven't always been the best communicator or the best husband, I am no saint by any stretch of the imagination. We get into arguments and I don't always say the nicest things to my wife. We don't argue all the time, so it's not like we are constantly at each others throats.

Everything I do, is to make her and the girls lives better. I really don't care about me, I just want them to be happy.

As for the phone number she is calling and text messaging. We have verizon and we have that out of network friends and family plan. That number is on there and the name on there, I know him. He is gay. Gay in the very since that he has a HUSBAND type gay. However, with that friends and family plan, you can assign any to any number that you want. So, if I want to name a particular number, Super Nutz, I can do that. She knows that I know, he is gay and I'm she assumed that I would just think, "oh it's just him, their just girl talking". I would believe that, however, when I compared phone records with emails that we sent between us, the more suspicious I become.

Example: My morning routine during the week is, I come into work and email her and ask her how she is doing, how's her day going so far and that I miss her and love her. This one particular email she sent me after sending my email to her, she tells me that she fell asleep at 8pm and slept all the way through the night. I look at the phone records from that night where she says she fell asleep at 8 and see that she made a phone call to him at 11:54pm for almost an hour. I guess she simply forgot that she was on the phone until almost 1 in the morning and that's why she didn't tell me.

The most common example would be, I would email her and she would email me back saying that she's swamped or it's super busy, but, checking the phone records, she is calling him while at work. Wow, you are either the ultimate multi tasker or you are lying to me. Plain and simple.

So I haven't proven 100% that she is cheating on me, but, the circumstantial evidence is not in her favor.

And I am thinking about cutting her phone off, since I saw on her facebook page that she downloaded the facebook app for Blackberry. Didn't know she had a Blackberry...so I think if I cut her phone off, she will be alright.

Finances, not super complex. We don't own a home, we have no kids together. Just some credit card debt and one vehicle that will be paid off in about 2 years. I am however torn on what to do about 'our' house. I love this house, I would like to keep it because, I never planned on being up in the San Jose area permanently. The rent is 1600 a month in a very good neighborhood. The landlords are awesome, they have never raised our rent once in the 7 years that we have lived here. However, I am paying 700 (utilities included) dollars a month in rent for the shack that I live in up in San Jose. Those two rents are about half a months pay right there. Other than cable/internet and the monthly credit card bills, I have no other financial obligations.

I'm down in San Diego now, thinking I was going to do the super hero thing and 'save my marriage'. However, when my wife found out that I was coming home, she said that she doesn't want to be around me, so I haven't seen her since I've been here.

The kick in the nuts was when I was on the phone with her while stuck in that beautiful LA traffic on a Friday night, was when she said that she didn't love me anymore. You can take all of the broken bones, torn knee ligaments and kidney stones that I've had and multiply them by a million and they still would never come close to hurting as bad as it did when she told me that.

I'll be back up in the San Jose are late Sunday night (have to get back to work on Monday), so maybe sometime next week we (good suggestion Karlfornia) can do something for any of you in the area.

I'll try and answer some of the more specific posts. It's good therapy.

I'd advise going on financial and credit lockdown as quickly as possible. You don't want her to drain your bank account, or max out your credit cards. If you want to be divorced, definitely take the initiative to get things separated as quickly as possible. You don't want her dinging your credit for the forseeable future.

My dad said exactly that. Well, not the bitch part, but the other stuff. haha.



I've printed out the phone records, so I've got that. I think the one thing that I should be ok is, our cards are pretty much maxed out, so unless she wants to buy him a sandwich or something, they aren't going very far. However, I have no idea if she has opened up anything under my name that I don't know about. Her whole thing throughout our relationship has been about trust and honesty, but, people do crazy shit all the time that goes against what they harp about.



Ouch!! I am opening up an account on Monday and having my direct deposit changed to that. I will only give her money that is for our finances that we incurred together. I have to figure out a way to get my name off the Explorer I bought her and have it financed under her name. If that's even possible.



Yes, yes, that is my thinking too. Even though when she text messages me, I can't resist throwing in a jab now and then. I have to stop doing that, but, dang it!!!!



It's just really weird right now. When I got married, it just never occurred to me what life would be like without her. It's a very strange feeling. She's threatened to leave me before, but, we've always come to our senses and realize whatever was troubling us, was not as big of a deal as it initially seemed.

My dad says to get a lawyer. That's great, but affording that is just not option right now. I do want to do everything I can to protect myself and not hurt the girls. My wife is a big girl, she can fend for herself, but, I really don't want to mess up the girls.


And on a side note...there's always 3 sides to a story, my version, her version and the actual truth. I have not been the best husband by any stretch of the imagination. However, I have not been the worst husband either. She has gone above and beyond many times in our marriage and always went out of her way to show me how much she loves me. I think I f'd up in not returning that to her. I'm horrible with emotions and communicating what I feel and getting the words out right.


I'm in month 11 of my divorce here in California. Your situation sounds similar to mine, but without the kids and I was the one that broke it off. But some points:

1) California is a no-fault state. They don't care about an affair. Only if money was used for the affair, like say she made major purchases for him (like say, jewelry).

2) This is California and you have a penis, get ready to feel the biased wrath of the court system here. It's ... insane. I mean, I can't even express how overly biased it is in favor of the "little guy".

3) You said you make twice as much as she does. You'll be paying spousal support for 3 1/2 years, and you'll be paying about 70% of HER lawyer costs. Laywers around here typically run at about $300/hr, with an upfront retainer of $2500-$3000.

4) One spouse can make it VERY difficult for the other by fighting things. Sometimes you have to take a loss in the battle in order to not lose the war (and make the lawyers rich). This gets pretty frustrating.

5) You're separated when she left (or you left, I forget). Anything after that is separate debt. She can't go out and buy a car and have you be responsible for half. Of course, this is all if either of you doesn't contest the separation date.

6) California is 50/50. All debts and gains incurred during your 7 year marriage is split. Pensions, cars, houses, credit cards, cash, all that.

7) Start gathering your paperwork now. All of it. Your lawyer (and hers) will be asking for a SHITLOAD of your stuff; bank statements, retirement statements, loans, docs, etc etc etc.

8) I think you said you bought her a car? 50/50 ... but shes not going to let you add her name to the loan and remove yours. Since she has bad credit, I would ask your lawyer to have a provision in your settlement that the car gets paid off ... either take part of the monthly or something. I agreed to a lump sum settlement instead of a per month, with a portion of the lump sum going to pay off her student loans for which I am co-signed. Otherwise she's going to fail to pay that loan and guess what? You'll have to pay for it and/or have to sue her.

9) There is ... a lot of round and round and round and round ... omg.

10) If you were the one leaving the house, you'd need a court order to remove her (if you want her out). You'll probably lose that if she has the kids.

That's all I can think about off the top of my head. Divorce here is one fucked up process. Sorry if this is bad news and sorry you have to go through this. :banghead:

[DaddyTorgo]

gah @ everything Rizon said. That's even more why I swore off the bitches. That's some fucked up shit right there.

[Lorena]

So a little birdie told me the Chargers are going 12-4, let's hope.... let's hope.

[Rizon]

Oh, I'll try to post things as I remember them. DO NOT meet her in private. DO NOT live in the same house as her. If you need to talk to her in person, do it in a public place (like a coffee shop) or bring a friend. All it takes is her to ACCUSE you of assault and you're in for a very, very rough time. "He threatened me / pushed me / shoved me" is all it takes.

[JediKooter]

I'm in month 11 of my divorce here in California. Your situation sounds similar to mine, but without the kids and I was the one that broke it off. But some points:

1) California is a no-fault state. They don't care about an affair. Only if money was used for the affair, like say she made major purchases for him (like say, jewelry).

Yup, I knew California is a no fault state. :)


2) This is California and you have a penis, get ready to feel the biased wrath of the court system here. It's ... insane. I mean, I can't even express how overly biased it is in favor of the "little guy".

I've heard some pretty messed up stuff about California and guys getting screwed. I am not looking forward to any of this.


3) You said you make twice as much as she does. You'll be paying spousal support for 3 1/2 years, and you'll be paying about 70% of HER lawyer costs. Laywers around here typically run at about $300/hr, with an upfront retainer of $2500-$3000.

Unless her alleged boyfriend is subsidizing a lawyer for her, neither one of us can really afford one to be honest.


4) One spouse can make it VERY difficult for the other by fighting things. Sometimes you have to take a loss in the battle in order to not lose the war (and make the lawyers rich). This gets pretty frustrating.

It's been difficult and frustrating the moment she told me she wants out and devastating when she told me she doesn't love me. But, I am willing to compromise in order not get shafted.


5) You're separated when she left (or you left, I forget). Anything after that is separate debt. She can't go out and buy a car and have you be responsible for half. Of course, this is all if either of you doesn't contest the separation date.

Well, we have kind of a complex arrangement. I work up in Cupertino and she lives here in San Diego with the girls. I fly home once a month (wish it was more). All things considered, she left me on Monday when she told me she wanted out.


6) California is 50/50. All debts and gains incurred during your 7 year marriage is split. Pensions, cars, houses, credit cards, cash, all that.

Oh yes, definitely know that one. I'm not only pissed because of what she is doing, I'm pissed because I know I will now have to deal with all the extra hassles that come along with getting a divorce here in California.


7) Start gathering your paperwork now. All of it. Your lawyer (and hers) will be asking for a SHITLOAD of your stuff; bank statements, retirement statements, loans, docs, etc etc etc.

Now that I think about it, we really don't have a whole lot of paper work/documents.


8) I think you said you bought her a car? 50/50 ... but shes not going to let you add her name to the loan and remove yours. Since she has bad credit, I would ask your lawyer to have a provision in your settlement that the car gets paid off ... either take part of the monthly or something. I agreed to a lump sum settlement instead of a per month, with a portion of the lump sum going to pay off her student loans for which I am co-signed. Otherwise she's going to fail to pay that loan and guess what? You'll have to pay for it and/or have to sue her.

Yes, I bought her a car. We just didn't put her name on the loan info in order for it to get financed. I am definitely getting things in writing from her.


9) There is ... a lot of round and round and round and round ... omg.

Well that hasn't started yet, but, I expect it to very soon.


10) If you were the one leaving the house, you'd need a court order to remove her (if you want her out). You'll probably lose that if she has the kids.

Funny you mention that. Tonight I text messaged her and told her that she should be the one packing up her shit and moving out, not me. Since she knew for months that she wanted out, she should have had her shit packed and ready to go.

That's all I can think about off the top of my head. Divorce here is one fucked up process. Sorry if this is bad news and sorry you have to go through this. :banghead:

Thanks for the advice. This is going to suck some major ass is all I know. I just think she's taking the cowards way out of things and not buckling down and doing what it takes to preserve a marriage. Nothing I can do to change her mind though.

I think I just threw up a little...

[JediKooter]

So a little birdie told me the Chargers are going 12-4, let's hope.... let's hope.

Haha! All I know is, if the Chargers win the Super Bowl, then I KNOW, in fact, that this is all a dream.

[Rizon]

Yup, I knew California is a no fault state. :)



I've heard some pretty messed up stuff about California and guys getting screwed. I am not looking forward to any of this.



Unless her alleged boyfriend is subsidizing a lawyer for her, neither one of us can really afford one to be honest.



It's been difficult and frustrating the moment she told me she wants out and devastating when she told me she doesn't love me. But, I am willing to compromise in order not get shafted.



Well, we have kind of a complex arrangement. I work up in Cupertino and she lives here in San Diego with the girls. I fly home once a month (wish it was more). All things considered, she left me on Monday when she told me she wanted out.



Oh yes, definitely know that one. I'm not only pissed because of what she is doing, I'm pissed because I know I will now have to deal with all the extra hassles that come along with getting a divorce here in California.



Now that I think about it, we really don't have a whole lot of paper work/documents.



Yes, I bought her a car. We just didn't put her name on the loan info in order for it to get financed. I am definitely getting things in writing from her.



Well that hasn't started yet, but, I expect it to very soon.



Funny you mention that. Tonight I text messaged her and told her that she should be the one packing up her shit and moving out, not me. Since she knew for months that she wanted out, she should have had her shit packed and ready to go.



Thanks for the advice. This is going to suck some major ass is all I know. I just think she's taking the cowards way out of things and not buckling down and doing what it takes to preserve a marriage. Nothing I can do to change her mind though.

I think I just threw up a little...

If you ever wanna buy me drinks sometime ... :D

[JediKooter]

If you ever wanna buy me drinks sometime ... :D

Well, pay day is in two weeks, so maybe then?

[M GO BLUE!!!]

I think I just threw up a little...

I think you just grew up a little.

[JediKooter]

I think you just grew up a little.

Something grew, that's all I know.





So now why when I check our phone records and you've had the girls with you all day, that these phone calls to a certain suspicious phone number drops to zero, yet the text messages are piled up?

[JediKooter]

Just wanted to say thank you to everyone for their support and advice. I owe everyone a drink or 3.

Never did get to see her this weekend to try and resolve anything. I'm flying back down there Thursday night for my scheduled birthday and we are supposed to go over the finances and whatever shit you have to deal with when...well...dealing with this kinda shit.

May the Force be With You...always.

[Passacaglia]

2) This is California and you have a penis, get ready to feel the biased wrath of the court system here. It's ... insane. I mean, I can't even express how overly biased it is in favor of the "little guy".


Wait...so are they in favor of the "little guy" or not?

[PackerFanatic]

I am really sorry to hear about this, JK. I hope it all works out for the best for you.

[sabotai]

gah @ everything Rizon said. That's even more why I swore off the bitches. That's some fucked up shit right there.

I haven't sworn off the bitches, but things like this are a good part why I've sworn off marriage. I've too rational to ever think "it won't happen me me." and divorce laws in this country (every country?) are fucked up.

Sorry about all of this Jedi. The only advise I can offer up from seeing several people go through this is to make sure you just get it done as soon as possible. The longer it goes on, the more she is going to demand or expect because her lawyer and/or boyfriend will convince her that she is entitled to more and more. Divorce is a war of attrition that you simply can't win. (Unless you're rich....)

[DaddyTorgo]

I haven't sworn off the bitches, but things like this are a good part why I've sworn off marriage. I've too rational to ever think "it won't happen me me." and divorce laws in this country (every country?) are fucked up.

i guess that would have been a more accurate thing for me to say.

[Noop]

Women man.... women.... this sucks this happened to you. The idea of marriage loses its appeal to me more and more. I can not imagine going through something like this and I admire your(Radii and Drake too) ability to stay strong.

Women man... women.

[Drake]

I sent you a PM with the non-tactical stuff. Rizon and the others have given you some great advice, so all I'll add is this:

People who are leaving marriages due to infidelity are usually in a hurry to get the old life over with and behind them and move on to the new one. Affair partners waiting in the wings tend to put lots of pressure on them to get things over with.

Leverage this fact. She may give up a great deal more than what she's entitled to in order to have it over fast.

(And, wow! California really sucks. When my first wife and I divorced -- granted, 16 years ago now -- we paid the lawyer $300, neither one of us contested anything and we didn't even go to court. Our insurance agent just notarized the docs and we filed them.)

[JediKooter]

I am really sorry to hear about this, JK. I hope it all works out for the best for you.

Thanks. I hope it all works out too. Defintely sucks ass beyond belief.

I haven't sworn off the bitches, but things like this are a good part why I've sworn off marriage. I've too rational to ever think "it won't happen me me." and divorce laws in this country (every country?) are fucked up.

Sorry about all of this Jedi. The only advise I can offer up from seeing several people go through this is to make sure you just get it done as soon as possible. The longer it goes on, the more she is going to demand or expect because her lawyer and/or boyfriend will convince her that she is entitled to more and more. Divorce is a war of attrition that you simply can't win. (Unless you're rich....)

Yup, if this doesn't work out, it is definitely the last marriage for me. I just hate hassles and this is one of the biggest hassles that I can ever think of. I definitely would not win the war of attrition for sure. The sad thing is she's acting like I'm some sort of monster and doesn't want to see me. I was rich in love and happiness, that's all I had.


Women man.... women.... this sucks this happened to you. The idea of marriage loses its appeal to me more and more. I can not imagine going through something like this and I admire your(Radii and Drake too) ability to stay strong.

Women man... women.

You know marriage isn't that bad, it really isn't. I think the problem is, is not revealing ones expectations to ones soon to be spouse is extremely important. If I could go back in time, that's the one thing I would make clear to my wife, because, apparently, the wedding vows we took did not make it clear enough for her that I was commited to her until death, through all the worst shit you could possibly imagine and all the best things that can ever happen to someone.


I sent you a PM with the non-tactical stuff. Rizon and the others have given you some great advice, so all I'll add is this:

People who are leaving marriages due to infidelity are usually in a hurry to get the old life over with and behind them and move on to the new one. Affair partners waiting in the wings tend to put lots of pressure on them to get things over with.

Leverage this fact. She may give up a great deal more than what she's entitled to in order to have it over fast.

(And, wow! California really sucks. When my first wife and I divorced -- granted, 16 years ago now -- we paid the lawyer $300, neither one of us contested anything and we didn't even go to court. Our insurance agent just notarized the docs and we filed them.)

Got the PM and thanks for the info.

I have to admit, I can't prove for 100% certain that she is cheating on me. Just lots of circumstantial evidence. I bitched her out on the phone today (shouldn't have called her to begin with), and asked her if this person that is calling you and you calling them, is the person you say it is, then why won't the person answer the phone when I call the number. She said because he doesn't want to get involved. I just laughed and said, over 300 phone calls and hundreds of text messages, is the FURTHEST thing from not wanting to get involved.

California does suck major ass when it comes to this. One of my friends got married and had a kid, got divorced, got full time custody of his kid. The one day a month that his kid is with his ex, HE has to pay child support, yet she does not have to pay child support the time that his kid is with him.

I just hate and despise hassles and even if things do go friendly, it's still a hassle.

[sterlingice]

You know marriage isn't that bad, it really isn't. I think the problem is, is not revealing ones expectations to ones soon to be spouse is extremely important. If I could go back in time, that's the one thing I would make clear to my wife, because, apparently, the wedding vows we took did not make it clear enough for her that I was commited to her until death, through all the worst shit you could possibly imagine and all the best things that can ever happen to someone.

Funny, I thought the 'til death' fine print was pretty clear. Sounds like you read it but she didn't. My wife and I added the addendums of 'til affair' and 'til spousal abuse' because those are both grounds for termination. If either of us do that, then I hope whoever did the bad deed (affair or abuse) is completely screwed in the divorce- that said, of course, I hope neither of us do and we'd love to get to 50 or even 75 years together on earth :)

I have to admit, I can't prove for 100% certain that she is cheating on me. Just lots of circumstantial evidence. I bitched her out on the phone today (shouldn't have called her to begin with), and asked her if this person that is calling you and you calling them, is the person you say it is, then why won't the person answer the phone when I call the number. She said because he doesn't want to get involved. I just laughed and said, over 300 phone calls and hundreds of text messages, is the FURTHEST thing from not wanting to get involved.

California does suck major ass when it comes to this. One of my friends got married and had a kid, got divorced, got full time custody of his kid. The one day a month that his kid is with his ex, HE has to pay child support, yet she does not have to pay child support the time that his kid is with him.

I just hate and despise hassles and even if things do go friendly, it's still a hassle.
Again, haven't been through it, don't want to (really, who does?), and am just throwing in a voice from the peanut gallery but I think a valid one as it's from outside the situation. I would stop talking to her. If you can't keep it amicable, then just don't do it. It probably feels really good right now to do it and vent. But if you keep doing it, it's just going to make the future that much harder to deal with. What's the conversation that's going to push her over the edge and decide to really screw you in the divorce settlement? We may already be well past that point, but is that risk worth it for a few minutes of dark, warm fuzzies?

SI

[RomaGoth]

Sorry to hear about his JK. It looks like you have gotten a lot of good advice here, do yourself a favor and pay attention to it. Especially with your finances and leaving her alone at this point. Nothing good can come of you and her having conversations. Good luck, and maybe moving away from Cali is a positive first step? I did twelve years ago and haven't looked back.

[JediKooter]

Funny, I thought the 'til death' fine print was pretty clear. Sounds like you read it but she didn't. My wife and I added the addendums of 'til affair' and 'til spousal abuse' because those are both grounds for termination. If either of us do that, then I hope whoever did the bad deed (affair or abuse) is completely screwed in the divorce- that said, of course, I hope neither of us do and we'd love to get to 50 or even 75 years together on earth :)

I thought 'til death' was pretty clear as well. It is obviously not, to some people. I think I could even forgive her if she has indeed cheated. There'd have to be a lot of concessions on her part, but, I think I could do it.


Again, haven't been through it, don't want to (really, who does?), and am just throwing in a voice from the peanut gallery but I think a valid one as it's from outside the situation. I would stop talking to her. If you can't keep it amicable, then just don't do it. It probably feels really good right now to do it and vent. But if you keep doing it, it's just going to make the future that much harder to deal with. What's the conversation that's going to push her over the edge and decide to really screw you in the divorce settlement? We may already be well past that point, but is that risk worth it for a few minutes of dark, warm fuzzies?

SI

You are absolutely correct. It's hard and it's going to be even more hard since I'm flying down there for my birthday this weekend. I just need to keep my mouth shut.

I was talking to my cousins wife last night and she thinks my wife is going through a midlife crisis and with the way my wife is acting, I don't think I can disagree with that assumption.



Sorry to hear about his JK. It looks like you have gotten a lot of good advice here, do yourself a favor and pay attention to it. Especially with your finances and leaving her alone at this point. Nothing good can come of you and her having conversations. Good luck, and maybe moving away from Cali is a positive first step? I did twelve years ago and haven't looked back.

Thanks Roma. Yes, definitely been a lot of good advice here. As much as I want to pour my heart out to her, I know it won't do any good. It's hard, because I have no one to talk to. I mean, I have friends and family, but, I don't have that 'go to' person anymore and it's killing me. I still expect her text messages or phone calls before bed time or her random call during the day just to say hi. I still make sure I have my cell phone with me where ever I go because I don't want her to get pissed off at me if she tries to call me and I don't answer. Stupid I know, but, these are the habits that I have had for the last 8 years. I go to work and that helps for a short period of time until I have to go home, where I just sit there and for no reason just start crying like a baby.

I am considering moving away if this doesn't work out. My dad lives in Rhode Island and I have a bunch of family in Florida. Just finding a job right now is going to suck.

[sterlingice]

I thought 'til death' was pretty clear as well. It is obviously not, to some people. I think I could even forgive her if she has indeed cheated. There'd have to be a lot of concessions on her part, but, I think I could do it.

FYI, we've had conversations about this (my wife and I). Our reasoning for the exceptions are that the affair and abuse "exception"s involve a breaches of trust and that would make it near impossible to build a relationship off of.

SI

[JediKooter]

FYI, we've had conversations about this (my wife and I). Our reasoning for the exceptions are that the affair and abuse "exception"s involve a breaches of trust and that would make it near impossible to build a relationship off of.

SI

I can totally understand that. I'm just an extremely forgiving person and when it comes to my wife, I'm a total puss anyway.

Abuse though, never. That's one of the reasons I left my first wife when I was 19. She would hit me when she got really mad at me and not wanting to go to jail if I hit her back, I left.

[Glengoyne]

I sent you a PM with the non-tactical stuff. Rizon and the others have given you some great advice, so all I'll add is this:

People who are leaving marriages due to infidelity are usually in a hurry to get the old life over with and behind them and move on to the new one. Affair partners waiting in the wings tend to put lots of pressure on them to get things over with.

Leverage this fact. She may give up a great deal more than what she's entitled to in order to have it over fast.

(And, wow! California really sucks. When my first wife and I divorced -- granted, 16 years ago now -- we paid the lawyer $300, neither one of us contested anything and we didn't even go to court. Our insurance agent just notarized the docs and we filed them.)

Absolutely on the leverage bit.

I still remember saying to my ex..."So let's get this straight, you want me to do this, so the divorce will be final prior to date you've set for your wedding. You F^%$#^% C@&^"


Oh and a divorce can be done as you've described above even in CA. See mine, and the leverage bit above as well. We both wanted out, and wanted to keep it simple.

[law90026]

I'm really sorry to hear this.

However, I will say this: Strongly consider engaging a lawyer, even if it's just for some preliminary advice, unless it's a complete impossibility. Too often, people hold off on engaging a lawyer until it's too late.

[JediKooter]

I'm really sorry to hear this.

However, I will say this: Strongly consider engaging a lawyer, even if it's just for some preliminary advice, unless it's a complete impossibility. Too often, people hold off on engaging a lawyer until it's too late.

I think it's coming to that. I asked for her to give me our financial info by the end of Sunday. It is now the end of Tuesday. What the fuck man, was I that terrible that I have be treated like a complete fucking stranger? :banghead:

[Julio Riddols]

I'm not in much of a position to dispense advice with my age and experiences, and I haven't had the extras in a relationship (kids, shared assets, etc) but I do know that it is better that this happened now rather than to go on wasting time with a futile attempt at resolving and resurrecting something that appears doomed.

It wasn't the same circumstance for me with my ex, but once I came around to the fact that I can be me again and do whatever I want, the lack of having someone to answer to was liberating. Just remember there are a lot of very worthwhile things in life aside from love, especially the kind that withers away no matter how you feed and water it.

I guess my words would be to be true to you no matter what, and don't let the bitterness of recent events change you. You were fine before she came into your life, you'll be fine again. Don't do anything in this state that you would later regret when this has all ended. She'll be the one that has to dispense answers when the kids ask why. We've all clearly got your back.

[JediKooter]

I'm not in much of a position to dispense advice with my age and experiences, and I haven't had the extras in a relationship (kids, shared assets, etc) but I do know that it is better that this happened now rather than to go on wasting time with a futile attempt at resolving and resurrecting something that appears doomed.

It wasn't the same circumstance for me with my ex, but once I came around to the fact that I can be me again and do whatever I want, the lack of having someone to answer to was liberating. Just remember there are a lot of very worthwhile things in life aside from love, especially the kind that withers away no matter how you feed and water it.

I guess my words would be to be true to you no matter what, and don't let the bitterness of recent events change you. You were fine before she came into your life, you'll be fine again. Don't do anything in this state that you would later regret when this has all ended. She'll be the one that has to dispense answers when the kids ask why. We've all clearly got your back.

Julio, thank you. Some very good points you make. I guess it's just time to concentrate on other things now even though I don't want to. All I know, is it's super tought right now. It is very very hard to let go though and not sure how long it will be before I can finally do that.

It's funny you mention it being liberating, I went out to diner last night with the guy that's in the office next to mine and kept thinking that I need to call my wife and let her know, but, I realized, 'oh I don't have to'. Just a weird feeling.

I'm thinking about maybe starting my own business, now that I won't have to worry about blowing all of our money and bankrupting my family.

I've stopped communicating with her completely for now, so, I'm not going to do/say anything I'll regret later. What a complete pain though.

Thanks again Julio!

[DaddyTorgo]

Jedi - LAWYER LAWYER LAWYER!

[JediKooter]

Jedi - LAWYER LAWYER LAWYER!

I can't afford one, but, I have talked to my dad and see if he can possibly help out with that.

[sachmo71]

People is a dick sometimes. Sorry to hear about this, Jedi.

[Passacaglia]

I can't afford one, but, I have talked to my dad and see if he can possibly help out with that.

Does your employer offer a legal plan?

[Mustang]

Oh and a divorce can be done as you've described above even in CA. See mine, and the leverage bit above as well. We both wanted out, and wanted to keep it simple.

I think divorce in any state can be quick and clean as long as you agree to everything. Unfortunately, 99% of the divorces you don't agree to crap or one of the parties start battles just to be spiteful. Limit your battles to those things that you really care about. Trying to get one of the lamps that your spouse's favorite Aunt gave them years ago just because you want to be a dick doesn't help the process and just adds to lawyer fees.

Sorry to hear that you are going through this crap Jedi. My Ex left me the day before Christmas so, I absolutely hated Christmas for 4 years after that. Luckily I'm with my current wife and have a great kid so... things work themselves out.

[RomaGoth]

Julio, thank you. Some very good points you make. I guess it's just time to concentrate on other things now even though I don't want to. All I know, is it's super tought right now. It is very very hard to let go though and not sure how long it will be before I can finally do that.

Time really does heal things, even though right now it doesn't seem that way. Find hobbies. Video games, sports, shooting pool, movies, model trains, whatever you enjoy that will also take your mind off things.


I'm thinking about maybe starting my own business, now that I won't have to worry about blowing all of our money and bankrupting my family.

Absolutely DO NOT do this until your divorce is final, you and she have BOTH signed the papers, and it is completely finished. Take no chances that you could lose anymore than is necessary in this process.

I've stopped communicating with her completely for now, so, I'm not going to do/say anything I'll regret later. What a complete pain though.


Very good idea. Sounds like she has made it clear she wants nothing to do with you, so look out for yourself now and nobody else.

JediKooter = numero uno.

[JediKooter]

People is a dick sometimes. Sorry to hear about this, Jedi.

Yes they are. Thanks Sachmo. Reminds me of, "There's three kinds of people in this world, dicks, pussies and assholes". :)


Does your employer offer a legal plan?

It's possible. I know they offer legal help for adoptions and stuff like that.


I think divorce in any state can be quick and clean as long as you agree to everything. Unfortunately, 99% of the divorces you don't agree to crap or one of the parties start battles just to be spiteful. Limit your battles to those things that you really care about. Trying to get one of the lamps that your spouse's favorite Aunt gave them years ago just because you want to be a dick doesn't help the process and just adds to lawyer fees.

Nah, I don't want any of her stuff or anything like that.

Sorry to hear that you are going through this crap Jedi. My Ex left me the day before Christmas so, I absolutely hated Christmas for 4 years after that. Luckily I'm with my current wife and have a great kid so... things work themselves out.

Damn, that's got to qualify for Worst Christmas Present Ever. That is awesome that you are remarried and have a kid. I'm sure that definitely has helped put the past behind you.

I know my birthday is just going to be nothing more than just a 'whatever' this year.



Time really does heal things, even though right now it doesn't seem that way. Find hobbies. Video games, sports, shooting pool, movies, model trains, whatever you enjoy that will also take your mind off things.

I definitely have the video games, haha. I'm also doing my own edit of Star Wars (yes, huge nerd) and trying to fix the things that I think the special edition f'd up. So that should keep my busy for a while.


Absolutely DO NOT do this until your divorce is final, you and she have BOTH signed the papers, and it is completely finished. Take no chances that you could lose anymore than is necessary in this process.

Nope, not doing it until after everything is done for sure.

Very good idea. Sounds like she has made it clear she wants nothing to do with you, so look out for yourself now and nobody else.

JediKooter = numero uno.

I don't know 100% that she doesn't want anything to do with me, but, I'm not stupid, haha. It's definitely hard to see myself as number one right now, since I put her and the kids far and above, before me. I'll get there though.

[RainMaker]

I don't know if this has been mentioned but when I'm going through the end of a relationship, I find the comfort of low self-esteem, scantily dressed, young strippers to ease my emotions.

[JediKooter]

I don't know if this has been mentioned but when I'm going through the end of a relationship, I find the comfort of low self-esteem, scantily dressed, young strippers to ease my emotions.

I hear ya RainMaker. Just not into strip clubs, to be honest. Now pron, at least that's free. ;)

[Glengoyne]

I don't know if this has been mentioned but when I'm going through the end of a relationship, I find the comfort of low self-esteem, scantily dressed, young strippers to ease my emotions.

I hear ya RainMaker. Just not into strip clubs, to be honest. Now pron, at least that's free. ;)

I don't think the Rain man was talking about strip clubs.....or stripping for that matter.

[JediKooter]

I don't think the Rain man was talking about strip clubs.....or stripping for that matter.

Is this a reference to the legalize marijuana thread? ;)

Sorry, I'm slow at times. I'm waiting at the airport to go back down to San Diego for my birthday, which, we all know has been ruined. So, I'll just be happy to remember to get on the plane.

[RomaGoth]

I hear ya RainMaker. Just not into strip clubs, to be honest. Now pron, at least that's free. ;)

Whatever pron is, I sure as hell hope its free. ;)

[Danny]

It's not free, it goes for about 13.99 for a plate at the Red Lobster

[DaddyTorgo]

Is this a reference to the legalize marijuana thread? ;)

Sorry, I'm slow at times. I'm waiting at the airport to go back down to San Diego for my birthday, which, we all know has been ruined. So, I'll just be happy to remember to get on the plane.


question - why are you going back down there for your birthday? do you have man-buddies down there to hang with?

[JediKooter]

Whatever pron is, I sure as hell hope its free. ;)

Well, that's the rumors going around at least. My eyesight is not the best so, it may not do much for me.


It's not free, it goes for about 13.99 for a plate at the Red Lobster

Sounds like a bait and switch to me... ;)


question - why are you going back down there for your birthday? do you have man-buddies down there to hang with?

The ticket was bought before all this crap started. I'm staying with my best friend. And San Diego is my home even though I work up in Silicon Valley.

[DaddyTorgo]

The ticket was bought before all this crap started. I'm staying with my best friend. And San Diego is my home even though I work up in Silicon Valley.

gotcha. well that makes sense then...groovy

[JediKooter]

gotcha. well that makes sense then...groovy

Werd. Just got back from the doctors. Got some pills for my depression and for my lack of sleep. Oh yeah!!

[RomaGoth]

Hey Jedi, any updates on your situation?

[JediKooter]

Hey Jedi, any updates on your situation?

Nope, same 'ol situation. I only communicate with her if there is financial business that needs to be taken care of, which has been all of two times so far. Other than that, zero contact with her.

[RomaGoth]

Nope, same 'ol situation. I only communicate with her if there is financial business that needs to be taken care of, which has been all of two times so far. Other than that, zero contact with her.

Did you get a lawyer yet? How about closing all of your joint bank accounts/credit cards/accounts, or at least getting her name off of them?

[JediKooter]

Did you get a lawyer yet? How about closing all of your joint bank accounts/credit cards/accounts, or at least getting her name off of them?

Can't afford the lawyer unless I get some help from my dad or someone. Got the credit cards taken care of. The only thing left is the bank account which I'm just waiting for direct deposit to kick in on my new bank.

That and I had to deal with a ticket I forgot that I got, wasn't late paying it, but, I could not find the court house up here (even after getting directions from teh innernets), so it was an additional hassle I had to deal with and that set me back 300 dollars.

So, basically, the last couple of weeks have been a blur, but, I think my medicine has helped out with that! :)

[DaddyTorgo]

*bumpity*

how you doin Kooter?

[M GO BLUE!!!]

I apologize for not saying it earlier, but Happy Belated Birthday!

[JediKooter]

*bumpity*

how you doin Kooter?

I'm doing better, but, that can be more than likely due to the Lexipro I've been taking. Not crying like a little baby anymore, so that's good. haha

Went back this past weekend for my 20th high school reunion and that was fun. The one person that I was really looking forward to seeing was there and she still looks really good...oh and single.

As more and more time is passing by, the shock has worn off quite a bit.

Thanks for asking DT!!

[JediKooter]

I apologize for not saying it earlier, but Happy Belated Birthday!

Thanks man!

[Izulde]

I The one person that I was really looking forward to seeing was there and she still looks really good...oh and single.

Hmmm.

[DaddyTorgo]

I'm doing better, but, that can be more than likely due to the Lexipro I've been taking. Not crying like a little baby anymore, so that's good. haha

Went back this past weekend for my 20th high school reunion and that was fun. The one person that I was really looking forward to seeing was there and she still looks really good...oh and single.

As more and more time is passing by, the shock has worn off quite a bit.

Thanks for asking DT!!

Absolutely!

Glad to hear you're doing a little better - medication is definately your friend I'd say!

Woohoo...really good and single? Nothin like a good rebound!

[JediKooter]

Absolutely!

Glad to hear you're doing a little better - medication is definately your friend I'd say!

Woohoo...really good and single? Nothin like a good rebound!

Thanks DT. Well, better than really good (ok, she's hot) to be honest. She's worthy of more than just a good rebound. She has class, style, and gainfully employed. :)

[DaddyTorgo]

Thanks DT. Well, better than really good (ok, she's hot) to be honest. She's worthy of more than just a good rebound. She has class, style, and gainfully employed. :)

sweet - get right back in the game amigo!

[JediKooter]

sweet - get right back in the game amigo!

I'm just taking it day by day, it's the best I can do. :)

[Sgran]

Hey Jedi. I just caught up with this whole thread. I feel for you. I'm still with my first wife for 10 years now and we're doing fine. I have 2 kids. But IF she left me I would try to stay the hell away from marriage again. Given our DNA I realize that's next to impossible, so what I'd do is get in line for adoption.
So that's my advice to you: adopt a kid. And then write a book about being a single dad raising an adopted kid.

[JediKooter]

Hey Jedi. I just caught up with this whole thread. I feel for you. I'm still with my first wife for 10 years now and we're doing fine. I have 2 kids. But IF she left me I would try to stay the hell away from marriage again. Given our DNA I realize that's next to impossible, so what I'd do is get in line for adoption.
So that's my advice to you: adopt a kid. And then write a book about being a single dad raising an adopted kid.

Thanks Sgran. I'm definitely not getting married again, that's for sure. Unless she's rich and good looking and can cook and likes Star Wars.

Haha, I'll take that in to consideration. Not sure if I want to raise a kid all by myself though. Plus, I'm not a very good writer.

[JediKooter]

Well, it's a year ago today that she told me that she, "just can't do this anymore".

I can't say that I don't love her anymore, because I still do. My sleep has gotten a lot better, however, for some stupid reason, I have dreams about her almost every night and it irritates the crap out of me. I find that I really miss having 'my' family and missing out on my step daughters softball games and music performances, bothers me a lot. I try my best to stay in touch with my step daughters, but, I can tell I've been relegated to a lower level than I was when I was with their mom.

My suspicions on who she cheated on me with were correct. Not that it helps matters other than to help put together the whole picture on what went on and how things happened.

She also seems to have found religion, which is highly hypocritical of her and shows me that she was feeling extremely guilty about what she did. Much like how people that are incarcerated seem to find religion. She would always rail on her sister for preaching to her and she turns around and starts doing the same thing. However, now that he has left her to join the Army, that religiosity has waned.

Everything is completely separated and we have no more joint accounts or anything like that. She is paying 50% of the credit card bills that we had while together and I'm no longer paying half of the rent for a house I haven't been in almost a year. She is hurting financially though now and other than the effect that it is having on the girls, I have no remorse for her at all. She couldn't even afford the 20 dollars that my oldest step daughter needed to enter her artwork into this event that travels around the U.S.

Every once in a while she will send me an email that is all friendly, but, usually is followed by a couple of emails later giving me a hard time about something. Asking me where the garage remote is or do I remember when the last time something was fixed. I'm sitting there thinking, "How the fuck am I supposed to know? I haven't been there in a year". I'm still friends with her on Facebook, I don't post anything on her wall (because I'm blocked) and she doesn't post anything on mine except for a comment every now and then when someone else posts on my wall. No big deal though as it really doesn't bother me.

I still feel like I'm the same person as I was before, just a bit more jaded about relationships. Definitely still do not ever want to get married again. It seems (to me) that marriage is a great way to fuck up a perfectly good relationship.

So, all in all, it's been an interesting year to say the least. My last living grandpa died back in September. Got laid off from Apple this past February and I now work at ILM. She finally sent me divorce papers back in February or March, so I will be officially divorced sometime in the next few weeks. I'm still single, not that I want to be, but, that's just how it's worked out. I've lost a bit more hair on my head and I'm still fat, but, I got a great personality!

[Kodos]

Hang in there, Jedi. At least you seem to like your new job. That's something to start from.

[Sun Tzu]

Agreed...did you ever get into working out/jogging on a regular basis? If you're feeling down, some kind of exercise that lasts longer than 30 mins can improve your mood...it's scientific fact :)

[JediKooter]

Hang in there, Jedi. At least you seem to like your new job. That's something to start from.

I'm hanging for sure. Just bored out of my skull is all once I'm off work, haha!

Yes, I definitely like my new job and am looking forward to where it will take me in the future.


Agreed...did you ever get into working out/jogging on a regular basis? If you're feeling down, some kind of exercise that lasts longer than 30 mins can improve your mood...it's scientific fact

No I did not. However, I just signed up at the company gym and will be going there after work. I don't find myself getting too depressed anymore, just really really bored. :)

[Kodos]

Sometimes boredom is okay. When the baby is yelling at 3 in the morning, I find myself yearning for simple boredom. ;)

[JediKooter]

Sometimes boredom is okay. When the baby is yelling at 3 in the morning, I find myself yearning for simple boredom. ;)

Haha! That I can imagine. My cousin and his wife just had twin girls yesterday and I told him that I hoped he slept a lot before yesterday.

[Dodgerchick]

May I suggest Body Combat? It's a hell of a way to release stress. Picture her face anytime you throw an uppercut or a swift jab, or when you throw a roundhouse kick, picture your foot right on her ass or behind the knee. Not that I'm not advocating any sort of violence against her or anything but you know, it might help relieve some tension :)

[Sun Tzu]

You know what else helps eliminate stress?

Really, really, really corny home movies about figure skaters.

holy crap

;)

[Super Ugly]

Just seen this thread for the first time. What a horrible situation - I hope things work out for you. No offense, but she sounds like a bit of a slag. Anyway, I definitely recommend sticking with the company gym - I find my mid-morning workout is great for relieving the boredom of my working day. :)

[Super Ugly]

Oh, and given everything that's happened to you, your admiration for women-hating funnyman Benny Hill is more than understandable. :)

[JediKooter]

May I suggest Body Combat? It's a hell of a way to release stress. Picture her face anytime you throw an uppercut or a swift jab, or when you throw a roundhouse kick, picture your foot right on her ass or behind the knee. Not that I'm not advocating any sort of violence against her or anything but you know, it might help relieve some tension :)

Ha! I don't hate her. I just hate what she did. I totally understand what you're getting at though. :)


You know what else helps eliminate stress?

Really, really, really corny home movies about figure skaters.

holy crap

;)


Know where I can get a hold of some corny home figure skating movies? :D
Though I do have to admit, I am a big fan of corny/stupid 70s and 80s movies.

I just got The Day Time Ended from Amazon. It is so amazingly bad, you have to watch the whole thing.


Just seen this thread for the first time. What a horrible situation - I hope things work out for you. No offense, but she sounds like a bit of a slag. Anyway, I definitely recommend sticking with the company gym - I find my mid-morning workout is great for relieving the boredom of my working day.

Oh, and given everything that's happened to you, your admiration for women-hating funnyman Benny Hill is more than understandable. :)

Thanks Super. It definitely blind sided me. Especially since she harped so much on honesty and trust. Things are working out for me on the career side of things. The personal side? Eh, kinda lame right now, haha! I've got some good friends and I enjoy the community here, even if I don't see eye to eye with everyone on things here.

Ok, don't ruin Benny Hill for me. I really don't know much about him other than what I saw on TV which was crazy songs, a bunch of slap stick sketches and lots of boobs. Hopefully he's not the type of person that would have a Klan grand wizard robe in his BBQ restaurant or something like that.