Whose Line Is It Anyway?

[Kodos]

Here's a little diversion that could be fun with enough participation. We will all write a story, with people contributing just one line at a time. Sound fun? Who knows! I'll start if off...

=================

"You, sir, are a Jackass."

[SplitPersonality1]

"I know you are, but what am I?"

[Kodos]

I'll admit that it wasn't the most clever reply ever, but it was the best I could come up with on short notice.

[AgPete]

With an aura of contempt, he threw the rest of the coffee down his throat, wiped his mouth with one giant swing of his arm and then jumped out of his chair.

[Kodos]

Since he was roughly 150 pounds heavier than me, I knew I had but once chance to come out on top should it come to blows.

[path12]

Luckily for me, he took two steps forward, and then keeled over with a stricken look on his face.

[Kodos]

Apparently, the old arsenic in the coffee trick had worked like a charm.

[Marmel]

But, was my coffee spiked with arsenic as well?

[path12]

I decided to call my assistant over to check for me.

[AgPete]

As he dropped dead, I thanked my lucky stars that my budget allowed me to hire an assistant.

[path12]

I made a mental note to call the university to see if any more students were looking for internships, put on my coat, and went outside.

[vtbub]

It was a dark and stormy night

[Marmel]

Good thing I had a flashlight though.

[Kodos]

I strolled across the street to the 24-hour CVS, and saw a headline that stopped me in my tracks.

[scooper]

It read: "Bengals win AFC North"

[Kodos]

I rubbed my eyes in utter disbelief.

[HornedFrog Purple]

"Formidable squid, $10.99 a pound" was the next headline.

[scooper]

What a ripoff, I thought. It's $8.99 down the street!

[Kodos]

Still, I could never get my fill of squid, so I headed down the street towards the local Red Lobster.

[AgPete]

I couldn't shake the previous headline though about the Benglas, who knew Marvin Lewis would turn the team around?

[scooper]

As I walked into the resaurant, I tripped over something strange.

[robbgmaier]

It was in flames, as the recently liberated Bengals fans were rioting and looting.

[bbor]

It was....it was........the ghost of Bengals past....

[Marmel]

Then I thought, too bad shorty abondoned his team and went on a 22 state killing spree before this football season.

[robbgmaier]

I suddenly realized I was having simultaneous reality streams, these mushrooms are cool.

[AgPete]

Yes, the mushrooms were good, but the squid was better.

[KWhit]

It was about this time when the pain started.

[Kodos]

Not caring about the pain, I gurgled "Mmmmm, mushroom-stuffed squid," as I wolfed down forkful after forkful of the colossal squid entrails.

[JeeberD]

I was wolfing down the squid so quickly that I didn't even notice that one of its massive hooks wasn't removed.

[Kodos]

By daybreak the next morning, the fine folks at the emergency room were able to put a stop to most of the internal bleeding.

[HornedFrog Purple]

It turned out that Jerry Jones footed the bill for our heroes medical expenses.

[Ksyrup]

It seems that Jerry had been visiting the hospital to find a way to make his penis more formidable, when he saw the commotion and whipped out his wallet.

[AgPete]

"Good luck on the penile enlargement surgery but make sure the same clumsy doctor who performed your plastic surgery doesn't fix anything down there," I joked with him but sadly he didn't find it that amusing which didn't bother me because I had been a Steelers fan for the last thirty years anyways.

[JeeberD]

Being a Steelers fan I suddenly realized that I had made a mistake in going to the hospital, for certainly death was better than knowing that the Bengals were the best team in my division.

[Kodos]

Suddenly, it hit me, and things started to make sense: I must be in Bizarro-world, where everything was the opposite of how things really were.

[path12]

So the Bengals *weren't* the best team in my division........but then, that squid couldn't have been squid, it must have been a colossal...........no........a colossal.........

[JPhillips]

But being a man that could never find available women, a bizarro women may have its advantages.

[Franklinnoble]

I soon discovered that in bizarro world, hot chicks dig hairy fat guys... I proceeded to the 24-hour Fitness down the road and began to pick up spandex-clad babes in the pilates class with remarkable and unprecedented ease.

[illinifan999]

But if it's bizarro world, wouldn't that mean I wouldn't like women? Maybe animals? A goat?

[revrew]

After all, with my llama nipples, I would probably be attractive to a goat.

[path12]

As I pondered this, I noticed a hyena on the other side of the street holding up a sign: "Llama nanny needed".

[mrushh]

Knowing that all available llama nannies had been sacked during the 'trailers' for "Monty Python and the Holy Grail" I knew this could lead to one- and only one- outcome.

[GrantDawg]

That I trully am Fritz's mother.

[mrushh]

But how to approach him after the sex-change operation...a quandry.

[JeeberD]

And I suddenly woke up and realized that bizzaro world was just a dream and that Emmitt Smith was still a Cowboy.

[illinifan999]

I then noticed that the area around my bed was wet. What could it be?

[JPhillips]

Looking up, I was shocked to find a hole the size of a small European car, perhaps a miniCooper, in my ceiling.

[stkelly52]

I looked to my side to see that my mini cooper sitting next to my bed, apparently it had fallen through the ceiling.

[mrushh]

Some really fat chick was in the passenger seat, putting on lipstick and pointing at my groin.

[ColtCrazy]

She asked, "Is that a Colossal Squid in your pocker, or are you REALLY happy to see me?"

[JeeberD]

Obviously it was the squid, who was very hungry and had decided that the fat chick would make a nice snack.

[illinifan999]

So the squid ate her, and turned to me. It looked at me with those huge eyes, and said......

[AnalBumCover]

"All your base are belong to us."

[JeeberD]

NOOOOOOO, anything but that!!!!!

[illinifan999]

So I said fine, and walked to the.......

[revrew]

..."loo", where I retrieved the plunger. It might take a struggle, but that squid is going straight to the New York City sewer!

[Fritz]

anyone in here seen a half eaten tofu taco?

[illinifan999]

said the squid. No we haven't the homeless people living in the sewers said, but we have seen gators.