Bad news, questions about cancer

[Qwikshot]

I know this isn't the most common place to ask questions, but my mom called me today to tell me my father has prostate cancer. Since, it's early and my parents are just being made aware, I haven't been able to reach out to anyone else yet.

At this time, they have done a biopsy that has determined that it is malignant, however, the doctor is still awaiting tests and has not determined at what stage the cancer is.

My father is in his late fifties, rarely sick, and somewhat active. He had a dizziness bout that occurred around December and from that, he decided to see a doctor and from that, well, we've gotten to here.

I'm not yet sure where here is yet, my parents are going to see my daughter in Texas and won't know the results until after their return (late March). So I'm not sure yet how I should feel save concern.

So if anyone has anything they can share from their own experience (it can be a PM as well), if that is a suitable amount of time, or should I push my parents to be more aggressive in getting information.

It's so strange, I turned 35 in November and lately, I've just been thinking about how fleeting some things have been. I take solace that my relationship with my parents is strong, and I've stated I'll do whatever I can to help. But it weighs on me.

Thanks

[JediKooter]

My dad and both of my uncles have had it. The key seems to be catching it early. They are all in their 60s now and I believe my dad was 55 or 56 when they found his. He's 63 now and no signs of it coming back. Not sure about my uncles, but, I'm sure I would have heard something by now had theirs come back.

From talking to my dad about it, they took out a tiny bit of his colon and the meds didn't make him feel all that good. I think he was on it for 6 months or a year, I can't exactly remember. I can't remember if he did any radiation though.

I'm not sure from your second sentence where you said "it's early", do you mean they found it in the early stages or it's just early in the discovery?

[terpkristin]

Man, Qwikshot, that's no good.

I have nothing to offer, other than good thoughts. Hopefully someone will have some experience here.

/tk

[Qwikshot]

My dad and both of my uncles have had it. The key seems to be catching it early. They are all in their 60s now and I believe my dad was 55 or 56 when they found his. He's 63 now and no signs of it coming back. Not sure about my uncles, but, I'm sure I would have heard something by now had theirs come back.

From talking to my dad about it, they took out a tiny bit of his colon and the meds didn't make him feel all that good. I think he was on it for 6 months or a year, I can't exactly remember. I can't remember if he did any radiation though.

I'm not sure from your second sentence where you said "it's early", do you mean they found it in the early stages or it's just early in the discovery?

Sorry, I guess I'm a little dazed. It's early in that we've just gotten word that it's prostate cancer, but unsure of how far it has advanced. My grandfather (my dad's dad) passed away from cancer. I'm thinking my dad prolonged seeing a doctor because of this fear. Though, my dad is a bull of a man, I've never seen him phased by anything nor sick much. So it's my hope that since the doctor could not see anything physical, that with the tests, that it has been caught early. That is a hope of mine and not necessarily what could be reality.

Thanks for your thoughts tk. I'm not sure what to do yet, my mom I think was trying to figure out for herself. Since we don't know the stage yet, we don't know the treatment. I told her to be strong and not let it overwhelm their thoughts, they've been wanting to see my daughter for months now. My mom had to tell me, I don't think my dad wanted to talk about it. I think we're just in that opening shock, I don't know yet where it's going to lead.

I can only hope that it was caught early and that it's treatable and it scares the heck out of my father to get regular check-ups.

[cschex]

I can tell you from both professional and personal experience that prostate cancer is a cancer that is often caught early. They will probably do other imaging scans (including bone scans) to be sure. Most forms of prostate cancer are slower-growing as well.

For many men, the most difficult part of dealing with that form of cancer can be the long-term side effects. Because of the location of the prostate, impotence and urinary incontinence are common side effects, no matter what form of treatment. It may seem odd that those are concerns when it comes to combating a disease such as cancer, but it can be a major factor in some people's decision making.

Bottom line, the timeline from diagnosis to starting treatment is typically at least a month. Even with aggressive cancers, it's rare for something to grow a whole lot in that period of time. It would be important for your father to get the complete picture on his diagnosis but it's not likely to make a difference regarding his treatment options if he waits until after his vacation. Hope that was somewhat helpful

[JediKooter]

I'm thinking, since they already got the biopsy back and know that it's cancer, but, your parents wont know the results until the end of March, sounds like his doctor thinks that it isn't too far advanced. I mean, I'm sure that if something was bad, it would have jumped out at the doctor. I think there is some kind of numbering system they use to do a preliminary guess at what stage it might be in. If that number was something to be worried about, I think he'd be hearing from them sooner than the end of March.

I would definitely make sure that he keeps getting updates from the doctors and to not skip out on any appointments. Read up what you can on the internet about it too. There's been some pretty decent advances in fighting colon cancer in the last few years and I do believe the survival rates are pretty decent and is also one of the most treatable.

I know the news is new and hits you like a ton of bricks and you're worried (completely natural reaction), just take it one step at a time and go from there. Just give your dad the support he needs. I'll be hoping for the best for your dad and that he has a speedy recovery.

[JonInMiddleGA]

I know this isn't the most common place to ask questions

Actually, I'd say it's pretty common. There's damned little that can't (or hasn't) been discussed here at some point. The answers may sometimes be influenced by recent stays at a Holiday Inn Express, but when shit gets serious so does the FOFC.

I've been through a cancer diagnosis with both my wife (who kicked its ass) and with my grandmother who lost the battle. The sheer shock of hearing it is the first hurdle, for the patient & for the family. As to how you should feel, you're probably going to run the gamut & I'd call that extremely normal.

At this time, they have done a biopsy that has determined that it is malignant, however, the doctor is still awaiting tests and has not determined at what stage the cancer is. ... my parents are going to see my daughter in Texas and won't know the results until after their return (late March). ... or should I push my parents to be more aggressive in getting information.

Assuming there's a way to do so without stressing anyone, I'd suggest finding out how much of a gap between results & their return there really is. If the results are due in this Friday, I'd be a little uncomfortable with waiting basically a month to hear them. If, on the other hand, the gap is a few days then I wouldn't sweat that by any means.

... and I've stated I'll do whatever I can to help. But it weighs on me.

Assuming an normal relationship, you'd probably be an asshat if you didn't. But you'd also be a pretty major freak if it didn't weigh on you even if you did everything right, read every moment perfectly, did/said the most perfect thing every day. That weight, I'm sorry to say, goes with the diagnosis (and with many other serious illness diagnosis too).

When shit like this goes down the FOFC is somewhere to vent, to get some support, to get a kick in the ass if needed. Use as directed, repeat as needed.

[JPhillips]

I can tell you from both professional and personal experience that prostate cancer is a cancer that is often caught early. They will probably do other imaging scans (including bone scans) to be sure. Most forms of prostate cancer are slower-growing as well.

For many men, the most difficult part of dealing with that form of cancer can be the long-term side effects. Because of the location of the prostate, impotence and urinary incontinence are common side effects, no matter what form of treatment. It may seem odd that those are concerns when it comes to combating a disease such as cancer, but it can be a major factor in some people's decision making.

Bottom line, the timeline from diagnosis to starting treatment is typically at least a month. Even with aggressive cancers, it's rare for something to grow a whole lot in that period of time. It would be important for your father to get the complete picture on his diagnosis but it's not likely to make a difference regarding his treatment options if he waits until after his vacation. Hope that was somewhat helpful

That's the mistake my dad made. He choose the less aggressive radiation only treatment and in about five years the cancer was back and had spread to his bladder. From there is was only a matter of months until we lost him. I know it's a tough choice to risk incontinence and impotence, but if I had it to do over I'd try to convince Dad that it's better than being dead before you see your last granddaughter.