PING: Dog Lovers

[panerd]

Dog in the Bed

I have to preface this with the fact that I am not at all a dog guy... never had a dog as a kid, hate it when they jump on me and lick me, and don't like the smell they leave on me when I pet them.

So I have been dating a woman with a dog (large black lab) for about 3 months now and almost everything is going great. She is a lot of fun, we really "click" together, she gets along with my friends and family... Unfortunately there is one major problem. She had a dog for an extended period of time when she was single and she is this dog's "mommy". She refers to it by its first name and her last name, she refers to herself as mommy, she has many pictures throughout her house of her dog and her and her dog, hours of time are spent at night entertaining the dog by her, etc. None of this would be the end of the world either except for the sleeping procedures. Obviously she has spent the last several years sleeping with the dog and finds nothing unusual about having the dog in bed with us. Lately the dog has decided it is only comfortable if it sleeps in between us. Well this is really causing some major strife between us. Neither of us can fathom the other person's stance. (and there have been some nasty back and forths about "jealousy" and akwardness)

Here are my questions...
* Am I being immature by not just accepting this arrangement? Everything else is good but this is really strange and really pisses me off.
* Is she being a little over the top by not making the dog sleep on the floor or at least at the end of the bed?
* Do any of you guys sleep with your dog? My informal survey of friends and family has turned up zero instances of the dog sleeping in the master bed.
* I won’t even get into the sex arrangement but I am sure you can understand why this is a HUGE hangup.

I hate to sound like Jerry Seinfeld but this is potentially going to destroy our relationship.

[lungs]

I wouldn't be able to handle that either.

[panerd]

I feel guilty about it sometimes just comparing it all kinds of other situations that could be causing problems but then when we are lying in bed I often am close to a fit of rage. (especially when the cute beast starts licking me at night) I realize relationships are about compromise but I think sleeping in between us is crossing the line.

[stevew]

Our dogs sleep around and sometimes on the bed. However they both weigh around 10 lbs. I could never go for a huge dog in bed. She needs to compromise on this.

[mauchow]

The dog sleeps on our bed but knows her boundaries. She'll leave when it's time for some loving and she knows when its happening. The problem with your g/f's dog is that it thinks it's her partner and definitely does not want you taking her away from her. The dog will learn if your g/f helps out.

edit: to add that our dog weighs about 35-40 pounds, so not so big that she takes up the whole bed, but she is usually only on the bed at the beginning of the night otherwise she'll be on the couch in the living room in the morning, anyway.

[Flasch186]

Learn about the germs and worms on a dog and you wont let them sleep in bed with you anymore.

[panerd]

The dog sleeps on our bed but knows her boundaries. She'll leave when it's time for some loving and she knows when its happening. The problem with your g/f's dog is that it thinks it's her partner and definitely does not want you taking her away from her. The dog will learn if your g/f helps out.

edit: to add that our dog weighs about 35-40 pounds, so not so big that she takes up the whole bed, but she is usually only on the bed at the beginning of the night otherwise she'll be on the couch in the living room in the morning, anyway.

I wish she had the mentality you describe. She gets very defensive when I try to explain why the dog behaves the way it does and she doesn't listen but instead blames me for not liking the dog.

This is actually how bad it is that I decided to take a Friday night and hit happy hour with some people from my work and then spend the night at my house without her. (she can't spend the night without her dog :banghead: )

[NorvTurnerOverdrive]

i like dogs far more than people. that said

* Am I being immature by not just accepting this arrangement? Everything else is good but this is really strange and really pisses me off.
no. there should be a balance. esp. is she gives a shit about you.

* Is she being a little over the top by not making the dog sleep on the floor or at least at the end of the bed?
yes. when my lady friends stay over the dog gets the couch

* Do any of you guys sleep with your dog?
yep. it's a beagle so it's small, burrows under the sheets and keeps the bed warm. minus the sex, sleeping with a woman is uncomfortable and pointless.

[sovereignstar v2]

Think I'd rather date cat lady after hearing this story.

http://nerdreactor.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/09/gladiator-thumbs-down.jpg

[molson]

Just for perspective, I'm a huge, huge dog person and I would never let a dog in a my bed - especially when someone else is there.

It's disrespectful on her part, IMO. The dog would be just as happy in a comfortable dog bed (after a short adjustment), while you're obviously not as happy with the dog there.

[panerd]

Yeah I had a friend of mine tell me that is what I get for dating a single dog owner. I was unaware this was a category of women like single moms or wedding planners. I guess I have never dated a woman who had this connection to their dog.

[tarcone]

We have an 80 pound chocolate lab. She never gets on any furniture. Ever.

The dog sleeping between you is bad. My dog gets jealous when my wife cuddles with me on the floor. My dog will try and get between my wife and me. Or at the very least put her head on me or her paw.

When I met my wife, I had 2 cats I rescued. My wife was allergic to cats. Guess who went away. Not my current wife. I hope the girl compromises. It sounds like it will come down to you or the dog. I bet the dog stays.

[panerd]

We have an 80 pound chocolate lab. She never gets on any furniture. Ever.

The dog sleeping between you is bad. My dog gets jealous when my wife cuddles with me on the floor. My dog will try and get between my wife and me. Or at the very least put her head on me or her paw.

When I met my wife, I had 2 cats I rescued. My wife was allergic to cats. Guess who went away. Not my current wife. I hope the girl compromises. It sounds like it will come down to you or the dog. I bet the dog stays.

Yep, I think it is a lose/lose. Either she will agree the dog needs to sleep on the floor but resent that fact for the rest of our time together or the dog will stay and I am out on my ass. Guess I was really looking to vent more than anything as there really appears to be no other outcome given her inability to budge on this issue.

[M GO BLUE!!!]

My old dog would NEVER sleep on a bed. He was a 95lb lab/rot/shepard mix. I thought it would have been cool to have him sleep on the bed like in Simon & Simon. Then I got the current 85lb lab. He loved the bed. I could not sleep with the bed shaking while he licked his crotch all night long. Then he tore up the sheets when I wasn't home. No more bed privileges (he lost sofa privileges when he tore the cover on that.)

The dog whisperer guy makes a kick ass dog bed. If you stay with her, invest in one. You'll be comfortable in it while they get dog hair all over your sheets.

[BYU 14]

Our Boxer is never allowed on the Bed or any other furniture due to size, shedding and slobbering. Our two Min-pins are allowed to get on the bed in the morning, usually when we sleep in or watch TV in bed before getting up on weekends. They sleep at night in their kennel and there are very few exceptions to that. They also get off the bed on command if we don't want them their, so it is always on our terms.

Like others have said the whole let the Dog sleep between you thing is troublesome. You are basically competing with an animal for her attention and she is siding with it!

When you said she can't spend the night away from her Dog, does that mean she would bring it to your house if she came over?

[BYU 14]

The dog whisperer guy makes a kick ass dog bed. If you stay with her, invest in one. You'll be comfortable in it while they get dog hair all over your sheets.

:D

[Logan]

For two years I dated a girl that let her dog sleep in her bed. Before me, the dog would sleep on the pillow next to her while she stayed mostly confined to the pillow on that side of the bed. So when I came along, the dog moved a little higher up but wouldn't leave that side (mine) of the bed. I'm a light sleeper as it is and I would wake up whenever the dog moved, as he would end up nudging into one or both of us. It was a huge problem for us that she wouldn't bend on. One of a few reasons why we broke up, but definitely a piece of it. And I loved that damn dog in all other situations.

[DaddyTorgo]

Like others have said the whole let the Dog sleep between you thing is troublesome. You are basically competing with an animal for her attention and she is siding with it!


this was the thing that stood out to me. she's clearly more invested in the dog than in you...that's a huge red flag. cut her loose.

[stevew]

The awesome passive aggressive dick move would be to make her choose you or the dog. And if she chooses you, dump her afterwards cause of the way she treated the dog.

[EagleFan]

Our dogs sleep around

Sluts...

[thealmighty]

Do any of you guys sleep with your dog?

:eek:

[SackAttack]

The awesome passive aggressive dick move would be to make her choose you or the dog. And if she chooses you, dump her afterwards cause of the way she treated the dog.

Harsh. I like it.

[Icy]

I have a dog, i love my dog, and it's an small breed (Westy) that doesn't drop hair (you need to cut it) but i wouldn't ever allow "her" to jump over my bed or my son's bed or our couch. She has her own "bed" outside our room and she decides if to sleep over it or in the floor (as she prefers on summer). I take her out for long walks, take daily care of her hair, bath her, etc but i never kiss her anywhere, specially not in the mouth as i have seen other people do with their dogs.

I'm a huge cats and dogs lover, but there is something you should never forget, they are cats and dogs, not humans. They enjoy licking, sniffing and eating things from the street, play over trash etc, and i don't want that trash and hair in my bed or couch or specially not in my mouth.

I saw once in TV a show about a dogs trainer, where the dog owner kissed her dog in the mouth all the time. The trainer took her one day to walk the dog, and to pay more attention that usual to what the dog was eating, and you can imagine what the dog ate (some dogs have a vitamins disorder and they eat their own crap, easily fixed giving them some vitamins or pineapple).

So never forget, THEY ARE DOGS NOT HUMANS!

[Autumn]

I think clearly everyone agrees there needs to be some compromise from her on this issue. However, assuming that you'd like to stay with her (and I assume you do or else you wouldn't be trying to work this out) you're obviously going to have to have some patience on this. She's not going to go from not seeing what the problem is (and refusing to sleep away from her dog) to kicking it out of bed easily. Obviously she's grown super attached to the dog, and if she's treating it like her kid you're going to have to be able to see it from that perspective (which doesn't mean agreeing, or treating it the same).

If it's ever going to work she's going to have to eventually see that you need the dog out of the bed. But really what's at issue is how you two communicate, and if you're willing to find a way to communicate about this that won't set you both off. In the end it's not different than 100 other issues you'd have with her if you stayed together over the years. So I'd be wary of coming off too harsh, as if it's ridiculous for her to want to sleep with the dog. Obviously she does, and if you're not willing to accept that as her reality, than she's clearly going to feel rejected and defensive.

Just continue to emphasize what about the situation doesn't work for you, leaving her out of it, leaving judgment out of it. It's apparently going to be as hard for her to see it from your view as it is for you to see it from hers. But if both of you aren't able to do that eventually it wouldn't work out in the long run anyway.

[RendeR]

I love my dog, I also love my 2 cats, but they are subordinate to the family. You need to sit this girl down and say

"look, I'm understanding that you love the dog, I think you love me too, but if thats the case there comes a point where you have to decide whose happiness is more important to you. The dog will be fine on the floor or at least at the far end of the bed.

I won't and the current situation doesn't work for me. I'm asking you to fix this so we can both enjoy the time together."


She'll either wake up or she'll side with the mutt. But you gotta state the situation clearly, seriously and calmly. Whatever you do don't be sarcastic, don't make jokes or even get angry, make it very clear that this is a go/no-go situation.

[Izulde]

this was the thing that stood out to me. she's clearly more invested in the dog than in you...that's a huge red flag. cut her loose.

Pretty much my take on it.

[DougW]

Your relationship is a little fresh, and this has been her 'thing' for a bit now it seems. A direct approach could work, but, to be honest - I think you'd lose to the dog right now if she was forced to choose. The dog has been there, and kept her warm long before you came around (is probably how she'd see it).

If you guys are really clicking, and you think this is the only obstacle; you could try to be more patient with it. Maybe, just don't sleep with her (staying the night I mean) until she changes her tune (and, eventually she would). Just simply let her know that you're really not comfortable sleeping with a dog in the bed and you don't get a good nights rest. Don't make a huge issue out of it, but I'd imagine she'd soon desire you to spend the nights with her and come to a compromise.

She sees herself as "mommy" to the dog, and on that note .. the kid will eventually get his own bed.

Hopefully anyway, or maybe she's whack and one day you'll have kids and have your 12 year old sleeping between you.

[CU Tiger]

I have 2 labs.
The female chocolate sleeps in our bed every night. She burrows between the wife and I and tries to push the wife out of the bed while she licks my face fairly regularly.

But she listens well when she is told to go to "her" bed.

That said sounds like you have a gf problem not a dog problem.

[M GO BLUE!!!]

That said sounds like you have a gf problem not a dog problem.

Nailed it.

The dog isn't your problem. If she told the dog to get off the bed, the dog would listen. I bet if when the dog gets on the bed & barges in, she'd react a bit differently if you did... Instead of getting grumpy & putting her on defense, try paying attention to the dog. Play with the dog. Pet him. Get into it. The dog will ignore her, as dogs pay attention to whoever gives them the most stimulation. I bet it annoys the hell out of her if when her dog comes to bed he is there to see you.

[Karlifornia]

I recently had a girlfriend that I loved desperately. We broke up for a myriad of reasons that I won't get into, but we still talk (read: have sex) every so often.

During these talking sessions, we update each other on what's happening in each others lives. While we were dating, she had two dogs: One basset hound and one pit bull. These dogs slept on the floor while we were together.

She brought it to my attention that the dogs sleep in the bed with her now. My feelings about it?

Have fun with your menage a dog. I'm not down with it. Maybe some other guy will be, but it's just another nail in the coffin that contains what was an actual relationship between us.

It all comes down to what you're cool with. If you don't like a dog in the bed with you, and she won't budge easily, then your relationship is headed for doom sooner rather than later. Dating and marriage are tough enough roads to hoe without not being able to see eye to eye on something as critical as sleeping arrangements. This has to be fixed. Good luck.

[MrBug708]

menage a dog - Gold

We have two dogs (well, mini dachshunds) and we don't let them on the carpet in the house, much less a bed. Not sure that this helps in anyway, but I can't imagine having a dog in bed, seems way to hot, hairy, and unhealthy.

[CU Tiger]

What if you cuddled up to the dog...hugged it...nuzzled it....then said..babe since its obvious we aren't gonna do anything tonight, mind if I f*ck the dog?

[Jughead Spock]

What if you cuddled up to the dog...hugged it...nuzzled it....then said..babe since its obvious we aren't gonna do anything tonight, mind if I f*ck the dog?

:lol:

Just stare him down while you're doing the nasty. Show 'em who's boss.

[Suburban Rhythm]

That said sounds like you have a gf problem not a dog problem.

Have to agree here.

It honestly sounds like he is describing someone I know. I wouldn't really classify her as a friend....she's a friend of a friend, we all used to work in the same building, go to lunch as a group, etc.

She talked about her dog non-stop, referring to him as her "baby", the whole using his name/her last name thing. She talked openly about loving to cuddle with him while she slept (no boyfriend/husband in the picture).

I found it ridiculously annoying.

I get it's easy for me to say this from afar, I have no idea how the relationship is otherwise. But reading your story I kept picturing this girl I know the entire time, and therefore applying her personality. Needy, immature, whiny.

So to me, while the dog in the bed is bad enough, to me it's the underlying issues that go with it. Maybe I am wrong to label it immature, but should be a red flag. If she reacts this way to a reasonable request, what happens with something that is a major issue between you two, should it get that far?

[Ksyrup]

Dog in the Bed

I have to preface this with the fact that I am not at all a dog guy... never had a dog as a kid, hate it when they jump on me and lick me, and don't like the smell they leave on me when I pet them.

...she is this dog's "mommy". She refers to it by its first name and her last name, she refers to herself as mommy, she has many pictures throughout her house of her dog and her and her dog, hours of time are spent at night entertaining the dog by her, etc.

This is me and my wife. I've never liked dogs, prefer cats. My wife grew up with 2 or more dogs her whole life. I can't stand the dependency, the restrictions on travel, and the barking. My God, the barking.

The only time a dog has slept on the bed with us was her chihuahua, who slept on its own blanket at her feet. That dog died about 5 years ago. We now have 2 dogs, both of which are 50-60 pounds. Neither are allowed on the bed, let alone to sleep. The male, who IS insanely jealous of me, sleeps on a comforter on my wife's side of the bed. When I hug my wife, or especially if I tickle her and she starts laughing/yelling, he will try to get between us and jump on me and start barking. He follows her everywhere. I mock him by calling my wife his girlfriend and do everything I can to piss him off. That dog is a pain in the ass. The other one also sleeps on a blanket in our room.

The cat tries to sleep with us most nights and will end up near the end of the bed. He tries to sleep up near us, but I usually kick his ass off the bed because he takes up too much room.

[Easy Mac]

meh, my dog sleeps in the bed. He's about 25 pounds. Sometimes he gets in the way, but I've never minded. My wife got him while we were still dating, and he slept in her bed back then. Since he's known me since the beginning, he got used to having to make way for me, so he doesn't mind.

Nowadays, more often than not, he'll curl up with me (especially since the wife pays more attention to the baby than him, at least during the day), so he'll end up sleeping next to my legs or chest. Occasionally he'll annoy me and constantly creep higher up the bed, making me increasingly uncomfortable.

But he also has acid reflux, so we want him in the bed, just so he doesn't get on the ground and puke on the carpet. That's far more annoying to have to clean that up in the middle of the night than just getting nudged awake for a second.

But yeah, a huge dog would definitely be a floor dog.

[Honolulu_Blue]

While I have no problem with people's dogs sleeping in the bed with them, it is a bit much to take it so obsessively as panerd's woman is taking it. My wife and I don't let the dog sleep in our bed with us. We have brought him up there a few times, but he actually doesn't really like it and typically gets down off it quite quickly. He likes snuggling on the couch, but doesn't like getting on our bed. I am totally fine with that.

When my wife is away, I sleep on the futon, because my dog will sleep on there with me. Even then, however, he typically leaves at some point in the night to sleep on a chair. He's pretty sensitive.

We had originally planned to have our dog be a floor dog and never let him up on the furniture. But, he looked so cute curled up on the chair and he does like to snuggle, so we let him up. I like it. I love the mornings when I am drinking my coffee, reading the paper and I have warm, snuggly snoring dog's head in my lap.

[stevew]

If the dog licks your asshole while you're doing the nasty, it is definitely a keeper. We can all agree on this point, right?

[DanGarion]

We have two large dogs (75# and 50#) they don't typically sleep in our bed since they are crate trained (and love their crates) but we do have them up in the bed at times. But our dogs are probably cleaner than most of your dogs since they get a bath 2-3 times a month (wife is a dog groomer).