Chief's Maybe Not So Boring After All Dating Thread

[Chief Rum]

Likely to also be known as Chief Rum's Attention Whoring Thread, I am sure.

Okay, I always find dating threads interesting, and I am just recently back into the game myself. This might be one of the slowest updated threads in the history of FOFC. But I figured I would detail my, umm, adventures in this area of life.

I realize TCYJunkie (I think?) had a dating dynasty, IIRC, I might end up asking a mod to move this to the Dynasty forum, but until then I'll keep it here. I hesitate to actually call this as qualifying as worthy of a dynasty anyway. Those are generally bumped up

Just some rules I am setting for myself.

1. If it gets more serious, I'll say so, and I will stop posting about those dates, other than occasional updates to speak about how it's going. IMO, the first few dates are generally fair game for commentary. But if you get past that and to something more serious, you should take that offline, to be fair to yourself and whoever you're with.

2. I am not going to use real names (of course). For those of you who are FB friends with me, I would hope you also will keep those names to yourselves, in case you figure it out. I'll give everyone made up names.

3. I am not going to get into serious physical descriptions of the girls I go out with, other than generalities. I don't think that's fair to them. I'll maybe say their ethnicity, their age and maybe my general impression of their attractiveness but that's about it.

I may add more rules, but that's good for a start.

Speaking of myself, I am signed up to a couple dating sites and may add some more. I'm pretty open to what I get out of this. I am fine with a serious relationship, or just hanging out with someone new, whatever works. I'll start the fun way and if it gets more serious, great.

It's open season on me. Feel free to pick at me here; I know I am opening myself to ridicule. All is fair game; if you think I am acting like a douche, call me out. I can handle it.

If you have any questions about me that will help flesh out the picture, feel free to ask.

[Blackadar]

TTIWWP

-and-

Get her drunk and stick it in her butt.

:popcorn:
;)

[Chief Rum]

Okay, wouldn't start this thread without at least something interesting to say, and that happened last night.

One of the sites I am on is Zoosk, the site you can get through via FB.

I was winked at by a 37-year-old woman (I am 38, BTW) a few days ago, and I sent her a message so she could try to contact me offsite. She mailed me back with her number (which surprised me). I finally got the chance to text her last night, and the conversation went something like this:

Us (the usual intros, how are yous...), then shortly into the back and forth, she says something like, "I know you work hard and find it hard to have time to yourself, so I would like to help you work."
Me: "What?"

(FYI, I put in my profile that I work a ton, since I have two jobs, and so I have found it hard to find time to date). I will call this one Wants2Work. Back to it then (paraphrasing)...

Me: You want to help me work?
Wants2Work: Yes. What kind of work do you do?

Me: (describes job, then) You're looking for a job?
Wants2Work: (describes her skill sets, which includes cooking and interior design)

Me: So are you looking for a job or a date? Cuz i'm looking for a date.
Wants2Work: Yes
Me: (ummm) Okay, thank you? But I am interested in taking you to dinner.
Wants2Work: Yes.

Yeah, that's how this one was going.

Anyway, I eventually got us set up to go out to dinner and maybe a movie next Thursday. Part of the suspense for me will be to see if she shows up for a night out or in a business suit.

I have one other poker in the fire, but I can't say too much about that yet, because I'm not yet sure where we stand on things. We're supposed to have klunch on Sunday. I'll call her Sunday.

So, dating schedule: Lunch on Sunday with Sunday, dinner and a show with WantsToWork on Thursday.

[Dr. Sak]

Good luck Chief. I often thought about doing the same thing, but never knew how to do it tactfully. From another single man on this board to another, good luck!

[Chief Rum]

Good luck Chief. I often thought about doing the same thing, but never knew how to do it tactfully. From another single man on this board to another, good luck!

Thanks, Brian! Tact is going to be key. I'm not looking to drag anyone through the mud. Unless they deserve it, lol. I am quite willing to allow myself to be dragged through the mud, though. ;)

I have seen some references you have made to the single life, so I know you have been out there, too. Feel free to contribute anytime. I am fine with anyone else piggybacking on my dating thread to tell their own stories.

[Autumn]

That's pretty odd, Chief. I'll be interested to see how Wants2Work goes. Makes me think she's going to suggest you invest in some Nigerian banks. Good luck!

[Lathum]

I know it has worked out for a lot of people, but the whole concept of internet dating weirds me out.

I hope it works out for you, I look forward to your adventures.

[Swaggs]

Don't leave your credit card out in front of W2W.

[Dr. Sak]

Chief, I too have gone the online dating route. One thing to keep in mind through out that process is that a lot of times what a woman says on her profile is what she thinks guys want to hear. From my experience, most of them are very vague.

I'd be intersted to hear other people's thoughts on how a person's profession relates to their dating life.

In the past few years, most of the women I have dated were teachers, and they all have been exactly the same. Most spend the first 45 minutes to an hour telling me how hard their job is and how hard they work. Then they try to go on and on about how smart they are...and how people don't give teachers credit for being smart.

(Little background, my mother is a retired teacher...as well as quite a few of my relatives.)

The last person I went out on a date had her doctorate degree in education. This was someone I met online. On her profile she talks about she worked hard to get her doctorate and proceeded to mention it at least 5 to 6 more times in the profile. (Don't get me wrong, no matter what profession it is, getting a doctorate is a lot of work.)

She was the one who contacted me and told me how I seemed like a self-confident person because of some of the stuff I mentioned. We go out and meet and a local Italian place. She goes on and on about her doctorate and how it seems as if every guy she dates is threatened by it. And at one point refers to herself as Dr. in the third person.

All the while I am thinking to myself, "no wonder guys feel threatened. You throw it in their face constantly, and use it in arguments." At this point, I knew there wasn't going to be a date #2, so I kicked back ordered beer #2 and told her a true story about how I know this guy at work who doesn't know how to copy and paste in Excel. She laughs, and I tell her, "yea and he even has a doctorate in engineering. So what does that tell you? It's just like everything else in life, there are smart people who have that degree, and then there are those who just put in so much time and effort that eventually they just get it."

The date ended shortly thereafter...but I did still pay! I realize it was a dick thing to do/say, but I hate being talked down to, and having someone else act as if they are better than I am.

[Chief Rum]

That's pretty odd, Chief. I'll be interested to see how Wants2Work goes. Makes me think she's going to suggest you invest in some Nigerian banks. Good luck!


Don't leave your credit card out in front of W2W.


lmao at both of you. I pretty much had the same thoughts. I'll be very curious. If she just wanted to chat and she was some distance away, I would assume some sort of scam. Since she actually has an American phone number and agreed to go out on the date, though, I guess she's real, lol.

I'm going on that date as much out of curiosity as anything else.

[Chief Rum]

I know it has worked out for a lot of people, but the whole concept of internet dating weirds me out.

I hope it works out for you, I look forward to your adventures.

I am used to the concept of Internet dating, but it is definitely a mixed bag. I don't have any qualms aboiut using that to supplement my dating opportunities. That said, I plan to regularly ask out women I physically see, rather than just concentrating on online dating.

[Chief Rum]

Chief, I too have gone the online dating route. One thing to keep in mind through out that process is that a lot of times what a woman says on her profile is what she thinks guys want to hear. From my experience, most of them are very vague.

I'd be intersted to hear other people's thoughts on how a person's profession relates to their dating life.

In the past few years, most of the women I have dated were teachers, and they all have been exactly the same. Most spend the first 45 minutes to an hour telling me how hard their job is and how hard they work. Then they try to go on and on about how smart they are...and how people don't give teachers credit for being smart.

(Little background, my mother is a retired teacher...as well as quite a few of my relatives.)

The last person I went out on a date had her doctorate degree in education. This was someone I met online. On her profile she talks about she worked hard to get her doctorate and proceeded to mention it at least 5 to 6 more times in the profile. (Don't get me wrong, no matter what profession it is, getting a doctorate is a lot of work.)

She was the one who contacted me and told me how I seemed like a self-confident person because of some of the stuff I mentioned. We go out and meet and a local Italian place. She goes on and on about her doctorate and how it seems as if every guy she dates is threatened by it. And at one point refers to herself as Dr. in the third person.

All the while I am thinking to myself, "no wonder guys feel threatened. You throw it in their face constantly, and use it in arguments." At this point, I knew there wasn't going to be a date #2, so I kicked back ordered beer #2 and told her a true story about how I know this guy at work who doesn't know how to copy and paste in Excel. She laughs, and I tell her, "yea and he even has a doctorate in engineering. So what does that tell you? It's just like everything else in life, there are smart people who have that degree, and then there are those who just put in so much time and effort that eventually they just get it."

The date ended shortly thereafter...but I did still pay! I realize it was a dick thing to do/say, but I hate being talked down to, and having someone else act as if they are better than I am.

Yeah, I can see that. I have run into that a little, women who fudge things a bit or emphasize certain things more than others, and then leave you to be surprised when you show up for the date. I have gone on a couple where I swear it could not be the same woman in the pictures as who stood before me.

I think the main annoyance I run into, though, with online dating is exactly what Autumn and Swaggs have suggested: the ridiculous online scams. Nigeria, Ghana, Russia, whatever, all with some sob story, like I haven't heard all that before. These always make me laugh. And you can pretty easily tell reading a profile which ones are written by natural born English speakers and foreigners who have learned to speak English in a classroom.

Here's a hint: if you want to come off as real, don't include lines like "I am honest lady looking for serious male to be my soulmate..." Really, "lady", "male", throwing out "soulmate"? Run, don't walk guys.

[Rizon]

When I used Zoosk a couple of years ago, it was nothing more than a spam-bot "dating" site. Basically 100% of winks I'd get were spam bots.

Maybe I was attractive to a computer. Or to 45 year old males pretending to be hot females.

[Chief Rum]

When I used Zoosk a couple of years ago, it was nothing more than a spam-bot "dating" site. Basically 100% of winks I'd get were spam bots.

Maybe I was attractive to a computer. Or to 45 year old males pretending to be hot females.

Yeah, I actually haven't had a ton of luck in Zoosk. If it weren't free, I wouldn't be on there.

[Rizon]

Yeah, I actually haven't had a ton of luck in Zoosk. If it weren't free, I wouldn't be on there.

Unless it's changed, I wouldn't bother. I think I got like 35 winks and all were spam bots. I was like, wow that hot chick likes me? "click here to see more pics!" ... ugh. I cancelled all my subscriptions to dating sites out of frustration, then a couple weeks later met my future wife by getting out of the house for the first time in 4 months. Funny how that works.

Not to discourage you or anything!

[Sun Tzu]

I met my wife online...anyways...

Get her drunk and stick it in her butt.

[Chief Rum]

Unless it's changed, I wouldn't bother. I think I got like 35 winks and all were spam bots. I was like, wow that hot chick likes me? "click here to see more pics!" ... ugh. I cancelled all my subscriptions to dating sites out of frustration, then a couple weeks later met my future wife by getting out of the house for the first time in 4 months. Funny how that works.

Not to discourage you or anything!

Don't worry, like I said, I'll be pursuing all avenues. I plan to ask as many women out in person as I do online. It will be interesting to keep pushing myself that way, actually, to keep one up with the other.

Sunday, for instance, is a girl I meet out in "the real world" instead of online.

[Chief Rum]

Glad to see you met your futurue wife, BTW. Way to go there.

[Chief Rum]

I met my wife online...anyways...

Get her drunk and stick it in her butt.

IIRC, Sun Tzu, your wife's pretty cute (and don't kill me for saying it, please). If I get half as lucky, I'll be okay with that. :p

[FrogMan]

isn't it sachmo who works for match.com and also met his wife with them?

Anyway, good luck! :)

FM

[Pumpy Tudors]

IIRC, Sun Tzu, your wife's pretty cute (and don't kill me for saying it, please). If I get half as lucky, I'll be okay with that. :p
She is pretty damn cute, and I dare Sun Tzu to come here and try to kill me for saying that.

[Sun Tzu]

You see, the trick is, you have to be both cocky AND funny.

And thank you :D

[Pumpy Tudors]

You see, the trick is, you have to be both cocky AND funny.

And thank you :D
I really like her hair.

Seriously, I dare you. Come get me.

[Sun Tzu]

Pumpy, you and I both know you can't kill the undead.

http://www.toplessrobot.com/blacula.jpg

[Pumpy Tudors]

Damn right, pal.

[Suburban Rhythm]

I'll peek in here as updates happen...and have no idea what you are talking about.

As much as marriage gets a bad rap (and I know I do it all the time), I'd have no clue how to go about meeting/dating someone...not that I had much of a clue to begin with, Mrs. SR would tell you. So I am thankful I don't need to try and meet/impress people. Seems like too much work.

And Sak...I am sure I can find you a nice Pittsburgh girl, just don't wear your Richards jersey on the first date.

[JediKooter]

Damn, Blackula.

I've found the online dating experience to be a complete waste of time and money. Your mileage may vary though.

[CrimsonFox]

I have one other poker in the fire, but I can't say too much about that yet, because I'm not yet sure where we stand on things. We're supposed to have klunch on Sunday. I'll call her Sunday.


Poker? I hardly even know her! (wakka wakka wakka)

Seriously dude, put down the phone. :) Do not be texting during the date anymore. :)

She aounds aggressive actually. She really wants a date with you. Don't think it'll be a business suit unless her business is ...um...pole-leaning.

[Pumpy Tudors]

Poker? I hardly even know her! (wakka wakka wakka)

Seriously dude, put down the phone. :) Do not be texting during the date anymore. :)

She aounds aggressive actually. She really wants a date with you. Don't think it'll be a business suit unless her business is ...um...pole-leaning.
Until I saw this post, I totally thought you were a girl.

[Dr. Sak]

And Sak...I am sure I can find you a nice Pittsburgh girl, just don't wear your Richards jersey on the first date.

Laugh all you want but on 4 separate occasions I have had women tell me that they did not want to continue with dating me because I was not a Steelers/Pens fan.

[JediKooter]

Laugh all you want but on 4 separate occasions I have had women tell me that they did not want to continue with dating me because I was not a Steelers/Pens fan.

If those women had any balls, they would admit to being Pirates fans.

[Chief Rum]

So Sunday called and wants me to stop by her work after I get off tonight. Sounded like she might be in some minor trouble. Hmm...Super Chief to the rescue? Or is this the part where I should be running? Guess we'll see. I told her I would be by.

[DanGarion]

All the while I am thinking to myself, "no wonder guys feel threatened. You throw it in their face constantly, and use it in arguments." At this point, I knew there wasn't going to be a date #2, so I kicked back ordered beer #2 and told her a true story about how I know this guy at work who doesn't know how to copy and paste in Excel. She laughs, and I tell her, "yea and he even has a doctorate in engineering. So what does that tell you? It's just like everything else in life, there are smart people who have that degree, and then there are those who just put in so much time and effort that eventually they just get it."

The date ended shortly thereafter...but I did still pay! I realize it was a dick thing to do/say, but I hate being talked down to, and having someone else act as if they are better than I am.

You handled that like a boss!

[DanGarion]

I met my wife on yahoo personals 6 years ago after many years of online dating, good luck. I'll make one suggestion, put up a really weird picture of you that makes someone want to know more about you. The picture that drew my wife into contacting me (she reached out to me first) was a picture of me in a Halloween costume dressed up like a marine with a bullet wound in my forehead.

[sabotai]

So Sunday called and wants me to stop by her work after I get off tonight. Sounded like she might be in some minor trouble. Hmm...Super Chief to the rescue? Or is this the part where I should be running? Guess we'll see. I told her I would be by.

:popcorn:

[Eaglesfan27]

So Sunday called and wants me to stop by her work after I get off tonight. Sounded like she might be in some minor trouble. Hmm...Super Chief to the rescue? Or is this the part where I should be running? Guess we'll see. I told her I would be by.

I started dating again about 6 months ago, and went out a few times with a girl who kept calling me when she was in trouble (well she called me twice.) Once isn't necessarily a reason to run, but so early in the relationship it probably is. Turns out this girl called me twice to help her with trouble in just under a month of dating.

Funny story, on my 5th and final date with this girl who did have a beautiful face but average body, she said, "you know with my good looks, I usually go out with 10's, but you are so nice I made an exception for you." Of course, that was our final date and she was shocked that I dumped her.

[Lathum]

I started dating again about 6 months ago, and went out a few times with a girl who kept calling me when she was in trouble (well she called me twice.) Once isn't necessarily a reason to run, but so early in the relationship it probably is. Turns out this girl called me twice to help her with trouble in just under a month of dating.

Funny story, on my 5th and final date with this girl who did have a beautiful face but average body, she said, "you know with my good looks, I usually go out with 10's, but you are so nice I made an exception for you." Of course, that was our final date and she was shocked that I dumped her.

errr, did I miss something? I knew you moved but weren't you married and such?

[Eaglesfan27]

errr, did I miss something? I knew you moved but weren't you married and such?

Divorced last year (didn't post much about it on here.)

[Lathum]

Divorced last year (didn't post much about it on here.)

oh man, sorry about that. And didn't mean to pry.

[Eaglesfan27]

oh man, sorry about that. And didn't mean to pry.

No problem. It's all good now. Dating a great girl who I've known since we were 10 years old.

[Neuqua]

Good luck Chief! I always enjoy these kinds of threads for some reason, and might end up sharing a story or two of my own at some point.

[Young Drachma]

Funny story, on my 5th and final date with this girl who did have a beautiful face but average body, she said, "you know with my good looks, I usually go out with 10's, but you are so nice I made an exception for you." Of course, that was our final date and she was shocked that I dumped her.

Delusional much, eh?

Yeah, I actually haven't had a ton of luck in Zoosk. If it weren't free, I wouldn't be on there.

OKCupid is free too. Friends have told me they've had varying degrees of success with it, but being in a metro area it might lend itself to being more useful to you too. In any case, good luck to you.

[Dr. Sak]

Good luck Chief! I always enjoy these kinds of threads for some reason, and might end up sharing a story or two of my own at some point.

Stick to asking people on Twitter for help.

[molson]

Good luck Chief. I get the feeling that you're going to have to edit out "boring" from the title of this thread before long....

[TCY Junkie]

I realize TCYJunkie (I think?) had a dating dynasty, IIRC,.

I might have mentioned girls in joking but I wouldn't consider it a dynasty. I went on a lot of dates until I went out with this one girl. I copied and pasted some post I put on here because pumpy made me laugh. It was about a girl making out with me in a grocery store. Girls often commented some better place to make out. This girl mentioned the produce section instead of the cereal aisle. I mentioned a bowling alley might be a better place to make out and kinda asked her out. She said she didn't know about bowling, it was obvious she was talking about not going out at all so I mentioned if she didn't want to bowl what she want to do(funny to me). She then said she was talking about not going out with me but what the hell. We meet and she asked me to dare her to do something within a minute of meeting. She seemed way to slutty, maybe I just have a mind of male whore though. She later said she had no clue about me. I was acting cocky with her because cocky guys make me laugh. When I realized she wasn't into the act and actually liked cocky guys I bailed. I was looking for creativity and it felt she just wanted me to make out with her. I guess my sense of humor does that to some girls but that doesn't show me she'll be fun in the future. I'm not saying making out is stupid and boring but when you can get it at will you look for more. She no longer interested me.

I would highly recommend not doing online dating. If you do though and she text you about not having a good day then ask her if someone entered her in a beauty contest again without asking her. This one girl loved that, I try not reuse things I say but I had to because this one girl seemed sad and I hate sad. And I don't plan on dating her so I thought I might as well tell her that. She seemed to like it by her response. WARNING, I don't know how good looking girls are that you go out with so your mileage may vary.

[Galaxy]

but never knew how to do it tactfully.

And you call yourself a Flyers fan! ;)


Great thread Chief. One thing I would be interested in hearing is your general impressions on the women you come across and the things you have or do notice in general.

[Galaxy]

errr, did I miss something? I knew you moved but weren't you married and such?

I can tell I don't come around as much as I use to. I didn't realize he moved and got divorce. The thread that I remember was the "Is it a date or not?" thread. Sorry to hear EF27 on the divorce.

Laugh all you want but on 4 separate occasions I have had women tell me that they did not want to continue with dating me because I was not a Steelers/Pens fan.

Were they real Penguin fans or the bandwagon fans? At least Flyers' fans, from what I gather, are pretty in-tuned and with their teams all the way.

Chief, I too have gone the online dating route. One thing to keep in mind through out that process is that a lot of times what a woman says on her profile is what she thinks guys want to hear. From my experience, most of them are very vague.

I'd be intersted to hear other people's thoughts on how a person's profession relates to their dating life.

In the past few years, most of the women I have dated were teachers, and they all have been exactly the same. Most spend the first 45 minutes to an hour telling me how hard their job is and how hard they work. Then they try to go on and on about how smart they are...and how people don't give teachers credit for being smart.

(Little background, my mother is a retired teacher...as well as quite a few of my relatives.)

The last person I went out on a date had her doctorate degree in education. This was someone I met online. On her profile she talks about she worked hard to get her doctorate and proceeded to mention it at least 5 to 6 more times in the profile. (Don't get me wrong, no matter what profession it is, getting a doctorate is a lot of work.)

She was the one who contacted me and told me how I seemed like a self-confident person because of some of the stuff I mentioned. We go out and meet and a local Italian place. She goes on and on about her doctorate and how it seems as if every guy she dates is threatened by it. And at one point refers to herself as Dr. in the third person.

All the while I am thinking to myself, "no wonder guys feel threatened. You throw it in their face constantly, and use it in arguments." At this point, I knew there wasn't going to be a date #2, so I kicked back ordered beer #2 and told her a true story about how I know this guy at work who doesn't know how to copy and paste in Excel. She laughs, and I tell her, "yea and he even has a doctorate in engineering. So what does that tell you? It's just like everything else in life, there are smart people who have that degree, and then there are those who just put in so much time and effort that eventually they just get it."

The date ended shortly thereafter...but I did still pay! I realize it was a dick thing to do/say, but I hate being talked down to, and having someone else act as if they are better than I am.

Yikes. Teaching seems to be biggest % of online female daters, along with nurses. Having an education doesn't mean you're smarter, work harder, or will be more successful financially or professionally. I had set up an inactive online profile a while back just to see what the deal was. It was an interesting observation. As EF27 said, the biggest problem is that people (or at least females, I didn't view the males.), tend to overvalue themselves online in comparison to real-life dating. I think the best way to find filter out things is to look at the kind of pictures they use (how do they dress, what are the expressions, where are they), not what they write but how they write, and what they're preferences are. It's not bullet-proof, but I think it can help.

I started dating again about 6 months ago, and went out a few times with a girl who kept calling me when she was in trouble (well she called me twice.) Once isn't necessarily a reason to run, but so early in the relationship it probably is. Turns out this girl called me twice to help her with trouble in just under a month of dating.

Funny story, on my 5th and final date with this girl who did have a beautiful face but average body, she said, "you know with my good looks, I usually go out with 10's, but you are so nice I made an exception for you." Of course, that was our final date and she was shocked that I dumped her.

10s? I would ask for proof.

[M GO BLUE!!!]

Funny story, on my 5th and final date with this girl who did have a beautiful face but average body, she said, "you know with my good looks, I usually go out with 10's, but you are so nice I made an exception for you." Of course, that was our final date and she was shocked that I dumped her.

Please, please, PLEASE tell me that your response was something to the effect of (Laughing) "You know what, I was actually thinking the same thing! I mean, your face is kinda cute, but we both know you could stand to hit the gym. My ex had a great body. The woman I dated last was absolutely stunning, but stuck on herself. That's what I like about you. I don't need a 10. Even a 9 or an 8. Give me a nice, average 7 that I can deal with & I'm happy."

[Izulde]

Actually that'd be an interesting discussion in and of itself:

what better beautiful face n okay body or okay face n beautiful body.

Me personally, I'm about the pretty face and average body.

[Galaxy]

Actually that'd be an interesting discussion in and of itself:

what better beautiful face n okay body or okay face n beautiful body.

Me personally, I'm about the pretty face and average body.

In online dating, average will usually mean "an extra few pounds". :)

[TCY Junkie]

Actually that'd be an interesting discussion in and of itself:

what better beautiful face n okay body or okay face n beautiful body.

Me personally, I'm about the pretty face and average body.

What, it's about finding someone like Richard Pryor in a female body.

[Pumpy Tudors]

I might have mentioned girls in joking but I wouldn't consider it a dynasty. I went on a lot of dates until I went out with this one girl. I copied and pasted some post I put on here because pumpy made me laugh. It was about a girl making out with me in a grocery store. Girls often commented some better place to make out. This girl mentioned the produce section instead of the cereal aisle. I mentioned a bowling alley might be a better place to make out and kinda asked her out. She said she didn't know about bowling, it was obvious she was talking about not going out at all so I mentioned if she didn't want to bowl what she want to do(funny to me). She then said she was talking about not going out with me but what the hell. We meet and she asked me to dare her to do something within a minute of meeting. She seemed way to slutty, maybe I just have a mind of male whore though. She later said she had no clue about me. I was acting cocky with her because cocky guys make me laugh. When I realized she wasn't into the act and actually liked cocky guys I bailed. I was looking for creativity and it felt she just wanted me to make out with her. I guess my sense of humor does that to some girls but that doesn't show me she'll be fun in the future. I'm not saying making out is stupid and boring but when you can get it at will you look for more. She no longer interested me.

I would highly recommend not doing online dating. If you do though and she text you about not having a good day then ask her if someone entered her in a beauty contest again without asking her. This one girl loved that, I try not reuse things I say but I had to because this one girl seemed sad and I hate sad. And I don't plan on dating her so I thought I might as well tell her that. She seemed to like it by her response. WARNING, I don't know how good looking girls are that you go out with so your mileage may vary.
how did i get involved

[TCY Junkie]

how did i get involved

Your randomness turned on my creative switch which is very rare online. I feel like a huge jerk not wanting to entertain others online most the time, I'm doing a damn good job at not being totally self-centered with the genes I have.

[M GO BLUE!!!]

What, it's about finding someone like Richard Pryor in a female body.

As much as I loved Richard, I want a woman that looks better than him. And who ingests a bit less cocaine.

(I miss that motherfucker...)

[Galaxy]

As much as I loved Richard, I want a woman that looks better than him. And who ingests a bit less cocaine.



So I'm guessing a women that hangs out with Charlie Sheen is out of the question?

[MrBug708]

I got a bunch of single female friends Chief, I can see what I can do :)

[Galaxy]

I got a bunch of single female friends Chief, I can see what I can do :)

Pics please, thanks....

[Eaglesfan27]

Please, please, PLEASE tell me that your response was something to the effect of (Laughing) "You know what, I was actually thinking the same thing! I mean, your face is kinda cute, but we both know you could stand to hit the gym. My ex had a great body. The woman I dated last was absolutely stunning, but stuck on herself. That's what I like about you. I don't need a 10. Even a 9 or an 8. Give me a nice, average 7 that I can deal with & I'm happy."

I'd love to lie and say that I had a great reply, but I was stunned that she actually said that and just said something to the effect that she was missing out on a lot of great guys if all she dated was "10's."

In online dating, average will usually mean "an extra few pounds". :)

This woman I was talking about was 5'5 and about 145 to 150, but she was nicely top heavy.

[Suburban Rhythm]

Laugh all you want but on 4 separate occasions I have had women tell me that they did not want to continue with dating me because I was not a Steelers/Pens fan.

To be honest, I'm surprised most were able to get past it for the first date. The typical female Steelers/Pens fan is so over the top about promoting their undying devotion...or at least until the team is losing, then it's different.

If those women had any balls, they would admit to being Pirates fans.

He's still dating the ones with balls ;)


Were they real Penguin fans or the bandwagon fans? At least Flyers' fans, from what I gather, are pretty in-tuned and with their teams all the way.


I would venture to say that 98% of female Pens fans are the worst of the worst in terms of bandwagon fans. One of the things I hate about going to Pens games now is it's no longer about the game or team, but it's an event to be seen at.

(Sorry for threadjack!)

[Galaxy]

I'd love to lie and say that I had a great reply, but I was stunned that she actually said that and just said something to the effect that she was missing out on a lot of great guys if all she dated was "10's."


Did you meet her through online dating?




This woman I was talking about was 5'5 and about 145 to 150, but she was nicely top heavy.

Online dating tends to be bring out about adding an extra x amount of pounds (or being in a more desirable body type in terms of athletic and toned, slender, about average, curvy, ect.) or for guys, adding a few inches in height or having the same body type situation as females. Not all are like this of course.

[Commo_Soldier]

Good luck Chief, curious to hear how the first visit with Sunday went.

As for sites, I found my soon to be wife on Chemistry.com They are a pay site, which picks your matches for you, but they should be having a free communication weekend soon, probably next weekend. They typically have lots of activity during these, my fiancee has stated the only reason she tried online dating is because of the free weekend.

[Eaglesfan27]

Did you meet her through online dating?




Online dating tends to be bring out about adding an extra x amount of pounds (or being in a more desirable body type in terms of athletic and toned, slender, about average, curvy, ect.) or for guys, adding a few inches in height or having the same body type situation as females. Not all are like this of course.

Yes, I met her on match. Dated 5 or 6 different women on match and 2 of then were interesting enough to date multiple times, but I am done with online dating for now.

[Chief Rum]

Hmm, where to start?

You see, there's stuff I can't really say right now about Sunday, and I think if y'all knew the whole of it, you would tell me to get out and I would agree with you.

And after that cryptic statement which doesn't help any of you understand that, I'll just say I went to Sunday's job last night, like I said, and hung out with her. She was in some minor financial trouble (she lives check to check more or less), and was stressed about it. I seem to calm her down when I am around, so that helps her. We're in this weird spot, where we're not technically going out, but we're definitely more than friends, almost intimate. That's why I really hesitate to talk a lot about Sunday, because A) it's really complicated and probably deserves a thread of its own, and B) I don't have the first damn clue where we're really at right now either.

Sunday's had a bit of a rough life, and she has some bad habits she needs to kick. That's another issue. Not surprisingly, she's really hot, otherwise I'm sure my shallow ass would be gone already. Plus, I can see the good in her (cue Luke speaking to Darth Vader).

Meanwhile, while I am there I get a text out of the blue from Wants2Work. Just making convo, it seems. We texted back and forth a little last night and this morning. My God, she seems like a Nigerian scam come to life. Now I am REALLY curious what's gonna go down on Thursday.

[Chief Rum]

BTW, been reading throughout the thread, and I want to thank all the well wishers and those offering advice. I am reading it all and taking it in.

EF27, sorry to hear what you have been going through, but it sounds like you have come out the other side in a good way, and I am glad to hear it. I have an old membership to match.com which I plan to reactivate in a little bit, so I guess I'll be barking up the same tree you were in just a while here.

[Galaxy]

Yes, I met her on match. Dated 5 or 6 different women on match and 2 of then were interesting enough to date multiple times, but I am done with online dating for now.

How did her Match profile come across then?

[stevew]

Google voice seems like a good way to get a burner number for your cell phone. I can receive texts on 2different numbers(one I use for work and one for home) That way if you do meet some psycho, you can ditch your GV # instead of having to change your real number.

[DaddyTorgo]

Hmm, where to start?

You see, there's stuff I can't really say right now about Sunday, and I think if y'all knew the whole of it, you would tell me to get out and I would agree with you.

And after that cryptic statement which doesn't help any of you understand that, I'll just say I went to Sunday's job last night, like I said, and hung out with her. She was in some minor financial trouble (she lives check to check more or less), and was stressed about it. I seem to calm her down when I am around, so that helps her. We're in this weird spot, where we're not technically going out, but we're definitely more than friends, almost intimate. That's why I really hesitate to talk a lot about Sunday, because A) it's really complicated and probably deserves a thread of its own, and B) I don't have the first damn clue where we're really at right now either.

Sunday's had a bit of a rough life, and she has some bad habits she needs to kick. That's another issue. Not surprisingly, she's really hot, otherwise I'm sure my shallow ass would be gone already. Plus, I can see the good in her (cue Luke speaking to Darth Vader).

Meanwhile, while I am there I get a text out of the blue from Wants2Work. Just making convo, it seems. We texted back and forth a little last night and this morning. My God, she seems like a Nigerian scam come to life. Now I am REALLY curious what's gonna go down on Thursday.

You went to her job...she's really hot...she lives check to check...is she a dancer?

[Rizon]

Hmm, where to start?

You see, there's stuff I can't really say right now about Sunday, and I think if y'all knew the whole of it, you would tell me to get out and I would agree with you.

And after that cryptic statement which doesn't help any of you understand that, I'll just say I went to Sunday's job last night, like I said, and hung out with her. She was in some minor financial trouble (she lives check to check more or less), and was stressed about it. I seem to calm her down when I am around, so that helps her. We're in this weird spot, where we're not technically going out, but we're definitely more than friends, almost intimate. That's why I really hesitate to talk a lot about Sunday, because A) it's really complicated and probably deserves a thread of its own, and B) I don't have the first damn clue where we're really at right now either.

Sunday's had a bit of a rough life, and she has some bad habits she needs to kick. That's another issue. Not surprisingly, she's really hot, otherwise I'm sure my shallow ass would be gone already. Plus, I can see the good in her (cue Luke speaking to Darth Vader).

Meanwhile, while I am there I get a text out of the blue from Wants2Work. Just making convo, it seems. We texted back and forth a little last night and this morning. My God, she seems like a Nigerian scam come to life. Now I am REALLY curious what's gonna go down on Thursday.

http://blog.redfin.com/sfbay/files/2008/05/redflags.jpg

[M GO BLUE!!!]

I'm actually doing the world a favor & staying out of the dating scene, at least for a while. I have a dummy profile on okcupid just to look around when bored& have seen a couple women I actually would have written to, but can't get to the point where I can write anything about me in any description or post any pics. I figure if I can't put together a profile to promote myself I have no reason actually attempting to write to a woman.

At least I'm no longer putting myself out there to run like hell if one of the psychos out there decides to write me back! (I'd get to the point where I would wonder what the hell I was doing it for, then do it again.)

[TCY Junkie]

At least I'm no longer putting myself out there to run like hell if one of the psychos out there decides to write me back! (I'd get to the point where I would wonder what the hell I was doing it for, then do it again.)

This post makes more sense to me than anything I've ever read.

[Chief Rum]

You went to her job...she's really hot...she lives check to check...is she a dancer?

Give that man a prize.

[DaddyTorgo]

Give that man a prize.

Guess that also fits with the "you guys would probably tell me to cut and run" commentary too.

Hey...that's cool though man. Dancers need love too.

[M GO BLUE!!!]

Dancers need love too.

Dating "dancers" tends to work out well for guys in the NFL...

[Chief Rum]

Guess that also fits with the "you guys would probably tell me to cut and run" commentary too.

Hey...that's cool though man. Dancers need love too.

Yes, they do, lol.

Seriously, the second I started to get involved with her, I was asking myself WTF I was doing. I know she's flawed, but I'm no prize either. I'm still trying to figure out where things stand there. I know I should go, but she is pretty spectacular. But she's got a long way to go--I have been thinking of just keeping it at the friend level, let her know the sorts of issues I see and let her make the choice if she wants to do anything about them. She should make those decisions for herself, though. Oh, and yes, she knows I'm no cash cow, so we can get that out right away.

[DaddyTorgo]

Dating "dancers" tends to work out well for guys in the NFL...

Hey - I'm tryin to be classy about the wording I use in case he ends up developing strong feelings for her.

[Izulde]

This reminds of the time some years back when a buddy of mine and I went to a joint and a girl who had just started there mentioned her boyfriend and how she couldn't wait for her shift to be over.

Me: Whoa there! Hold on, honey.
Girl: What?
Me: You killing the fantasy. Now see, me and my boy here, we don't care. My boy's married and I got a girl (Note: This was in fact a lie. Said event happened a year before Her Blondeness). But if you want to do well in this business, you got to sell the fantasy of being single. Make the dudes cough up their money, ya feel me?
Girl: *blank stare*
Me: Oh, and another thing. You got to act interested. Yeah, I know you're probably not feeling it right now, but again, it's all part of the game. You got to be an actress, play it up a bit. If a dude wants to hear this kinda talk, he may as well go home, ya dig?

Then another dancer hurried over to rescue her. Somehow I got the feeling she didn't work out.

[Chief Rum]

Hey - I'm tryin to be classy about the wording I use in case he ends up developing strong feelings for her.

Heh heh, thanks for the consideration. There are a ton of hurdles to get over here before we reach that point. I don't ever forget for a second what she is, and that's probably part of the "problem".

[sabotai]

Seriously, the second I started to get involved with her, I was asking myself WTF I was doing.

It depends. Is she doing it because the money's too good, or is the best she can get, for her current situation, but once that improves (graduates college, or whatever she's doing), she's gone.

Or is she doing it because it's her last option and there's pretty much no hope for it getting better. Only worse.....(you know what I mean........prostitute. She becomes a prostitute next.....if she hasn't already......which she probably has.)

If it's the first, see what happens. If it's the second.....WTF are you doing?

[Chief Rum]

This reminds of the time some years back when a buddy of mine and I went to a joint and a girl who had just started there mentioned her boyfriend and how she couldn't wait for her shift to be over.

Me: Whoa there! Hold on, honey.
Girl: What?
Me: You killing the fantasy. Now see, me and my boy here, we don't care. My boy's married and I got a girl (Note: This was in fact a lie. Said event happened a year before Her Blondeness). But if you want to do well in this business, you got to sell the fantasy of being single. Make the dudes cough up their money, ya feel me?
Girl: *blank stare*
Me: Oh, and another thing. You got to act interested. Yeah, I know you're probably not feeling it right now, but again, it's all part of the game. You got to be an actress, play it up a bit. If a dude wants to hear this kinda talk, he may as well go home, ya dig?

Then another dancer hurried over to rescue her. Somehow I got the feeling she didn't work out.

Yeah, this sort of thing is always at the forefront of my mind, but if she's pulling a job, she's REALLY dedicated and for little reason. Like I said, ain't no money in this mark, and she knows it; hell, she actually has a sugar daddy already.

[Chief Rum]

It depends. Is she doing it because the money's too good, or is the best she can get, for her current situation, but once that improves (graduates college, or whatever she's doing), she's gone.

Or is she doing it because it's her last option and there's pretty much no hope for it getting better. Only worse.....(you know what I mean........prostitute. She becomes a prostitute next.....if she hasn't already......which she probably has.)

If it's the first, see what happens. If it's the second.....WTF are you doing?

I think she's looking for a way out. For instance, she's trying out for a model shoot with Abercrombie & Fitch on Monday.

I think she likes the "life"--the ongoing party, etc. And she likes to be wanted, which she gets with the dancing. But I don't get the sense she wants to dance forever. I don't think she's confident she can do anything else, which, of course, is silly. There are always options, but people trap themselves in their own assumptions.

I am still exploring if she actually believes this is all she can do, or if she believes she can do more. We tend to stay away from serious topics most times we're together. I have been figuring to have more serious conversations like that when we're together outside of the club, but we haven't gotten on that just yet (between my two jobs and how much she dances, it has been hard for us to meet outside of the club yet).

[Chief Rum]

She also works as a medical assistant, I should add, but it sounds like it's only an every so often on call thing, like she's on a list of potential temporary assistants for when the regulars need to call out sick or what not. I didn't get the sense she was passionate about it, although she has told me she wants to be an LVN.

[Danny]

Heh heh, thanks for the consideration. There are a ton of hurdles to get over here before we reach that point. I don't ever forget for a second what she is, and that's probably part of the "problem".

It's pretty obvious from the wording of your post that it's a large part of the problem. You say "what she is" not "what she does". Based on this wording, it seems you think of who she is by what she does. And that can be a pretty large hurdle as even if she stopped, your linking of the dancing as what she is would probably stay with you.

[M GO BLUE!!!]

I'd run. As hot as she may be, I have found that you simply cannot save a woman. She is what she is. That may be fine for her, but is it for you? Think about the future... What do you tell your friends about her? Your mom? Possible future kids?

Take this advice for what it is and from who it's from... I haven't had a second date in a long time & my longest relationship was a whole year & a half. Hell, it's been almost a year since my last scheduled date... and I got stood up on that.

[Matthean]

http://blog.redfin.com/sfbay/files/2008/05/redflags.jpg

+1. Reading through seeing any potential there and I don't see any reason to invest in her for anything more than a friendship.

[MacroGuru]

+1. Reading through seeing any potential there and I don't see any reason to invest in her for anything more than a friendship.

Oh I do....FWB for the win! :popcorn:

[M GO BLUE!!!]

(between my two jobs and how much she dances, it has been hard for us to meet outside of the club yet).

I don't know how I missed this the first time around.

Tell her you won't see her at the club anymore. No more paying her for dates while she's on the job. You either have a real date or nothing.

You need a real woman. Lap dances are NOT dates.

[Pumpy Tudors]

This reminds of the time some years back when a buddy of mine and I went to a joint and a girl who had just started there mentioned her boyfriend and how she couldn't wait for her shift to be over.

Me: Whoa there! Hold on, honey.
Girl: What?
Me: You killing the fantasy. Now see, me and my boy here, we don't care. My boy's married and I got a girl (Note: This was in fact a lie. Said event happened a year before Her Blondeness). But if you want to do well in this business, you got to sell the fantasy of being single. Make the dudes cough up their money, ya feel me?
Girl: *blank stare*
Me: Oh, and another thing. You got to act interested. Yeah, I know you're probably not feeling it right now, but again, it's all part of the game. You got to be an actress, play it up a bit. If a dude wants to hear this kinda talk, he may as well go home, ya dig?

Then another dancer hurried over to rescue her. Somehow I got the feeling she didn't work out.
You lectured a dancer while she was on the job?

[TCY Junkie]

Laugh all you want but on 4 separate occasions I have had women tell me that they did not want to continue with dating me because I was not a Steelers/Pens fan.

So I wrote this to a somewhat cute girl that said she loved the steelers:

Me:I heard on this sports forum this guy in Pittsburgh got dumped by 4 women because he wasn't a steelers fan, how many guys have you dumped for that?

Her: Haha I don't even let them get that far.

[Izulde]

You lectured a dancer while she was on the job?

Pretty much.

[Galaxy]

One thing is for sure, this thread is not boring.

[Chief Rum]

I don't know how I missed this the first time around.

Tell her you won't see her at the club anymore. No more paying her for dates while she's on the job. You either have a real date or nothing.

You need a real woman. Lap dances are NOT dates.

We actually don't really do much dances at the club. We just hang out there together and have drinks. She probably would make a lot more money if I wasn't there, because when I am she sits around hanging with me instead of asking other guys for dances.

[DanGarion]

I got a bunch of single female friends Chief, I can see what I can do :)

Yeah but they are all Bruins. We all know that Trojan women are better.

[DanGarion]

Laugh all you want but on 4 separate occasions I have had women tell me that they did not want to continue with dating me because I was not a Steelers/Pens fan.

My wife is a Notre Dame fan, she still dated me and eventually married me. I even had a sign in our front yard that says "Trojan Fans Live Here" that her mom bought for me. All her brothers love the Irish too. Now that is love. I suggest Chief find a nice USC girl.

[DanGarion]

Give that man a prize.

One of my best friends married a dancer. She now has a masters in child psychology and looking to go even further. She doesn't dance anymore.

[Matthean]

One of my best friends married a dancer. She now has a masters in child psychology and looking to go even further. She doesn't dance anymore.

I'm willing to guess that's the exception versus the rule.

[tarcone]

This thread is great. "I am "friends" with a dancer, and all our dates are only at the club." :)

She has a sugar daddy. So what is your role in her life? Dollar dropper? Regular lap dance guy? Drink buyer? All of the above?

Dude, go to another club and find another dancer. They are a dime a dozen.

[M GO BLUE!!!]

One of my best friends married a dancer. She now has a masters in child psychology and looking to go even further. She doesn't dance anymore.

I wonder what she would advise Chief Rummy...

http://www.historycentral.com/AfiricanAmerican/JesseOwens.jpg

[DaddyTorgo]

I don't know how I missed this the first time around.

Tell her you won't see her at the club anymore. No more paying her for dates while she's on the job. You either have a real date or nothing.

You need a real woman. Lap dances are NOT dates.

Yeah...this. Absolutely. Even if you're not paying her at the club maybe she's just using you to "look busy" to her bosses or whatever.

[Matthean]

I think she likes the "life"--the ongoing party, etc. And she likes to be wanted, which she gets with the dancing.

"She has money issues" means...

1. A good amount of money was taken away from her.
2. A good amount of her income was lowered.
3. She can't handle money "because she needs things for her lifestyle."

My guess is number 3.

"She has a sugar daddy" means...

A male who hooks up with somebody "who has money issues because she needs things for her lifestyle," and gets some sort of reward for their generosity. Let's say the obvious, she's giving him sexual favors for the stuff she gets. If sex isn't involved, he's either a friend who's helping her out, or he's getting played.

A gold digger means...

Somebody who "has money issues because she needs things for her lifestyle," and thus seeks out a "sugar daddy."

I'll just add that she has two jobs, does one of them enough to where it's hard for you to get together, has a sugar daddy, and she still has money issues. Oh and despite all of that, you have no issue going to see her work and thus cutting into likely the most credible way for her to make money.

1. Stop seeing her in the club.
2. She drops the sugar daddy.
3. Have her read Dave Ramsey.

A guy busting his hump doing two jobs does not need a gold digging stripper as a girlfriend.

[Chief Rum]

Heh...you guys make hanging out with a stripper no fun at all. ;)

[M GO BLUE!!!]

Heh...you guys make hanging out with a stripper no fun at all. ;)

Enjoy the fun. Just realize that this is likely as good as it gets.

Remember this: Every woman you couldn't wait to get the fuck away from was once a woman you couldn't wait to fuck.

[TCY Junkie]

Remember this: Every woman you couldn't wait to get the fuck away from was once a woman you couldn't wait to fuck.

Now this makes the most sense of anything I've ever read.

[Galaxy]

I do agree with others. You're setting up yourself up for disappointment. Just be smart and hang onto your financial resources though.

[Chief Rum]

FWIW, I agree completely with the naysayers. I'm limiting my financial expenditures and working on a date outside of the club (actually, we're supposed to have dinner on Tuesday, so we'll see). But you guys are still wet blankets. :D

I should mention a new, or rather old, entrant into all this: I'll call her The Ex.

That's because the Ex is quite literally an ex girlfriend of mine and the most significant relationship I have had, in a life largely devoid of significant relationships. We were together back in college, and now I am dating myself--it was 17 years ago.

We recently reconnected on Facebook, and now I text and chat with her regularly. She's divorced and lives in Arizona. When we first found each other again, she said she was living with her boyfriend, but I am pretty certain that's not true, since she hasn't mentioned him now in several phone conversations and a multitude of texts and messages.

I have given thought to going out to see her, and see what's the what, if anything. But I don't know if I want to go back down that road. She's the opposite of Sunday, so you guys will love her. Good job (better than mine), good education (also better than mine), and she owns her own home. And she still seems to like me for some reason.

[-apoc-]

Don't date strippers!!!!!! You can however sleep with them as much as you like but wrap it up since a decent percentage of them provide other services. Unless they are dancing to get through school they are severely broken and nothing good can come out of a relationship with them and you can not "fix" them no matter how hard you try. Even most of the ones dancing to pay for school are broken as well but there are at least a couple exceptions in that case.

It is odd that I have never actually been to a strip club yet know a ton of strippers for some reason. Go figure!

[Groundhog]

When we first found each other again, she said she was living with her boyfriend, but I am pretty certain that's not true, since she hasn't mentioned him now in several phone conversations and a multitude of texts and messages.


Her not mentioning him may not mean he doesn't exist, it's not that usual especially if you guys have been flirty with each other.

A girl started work at my company last year and we hit it off, talked all the time, went to lunch with each other, etc. etc. Seemed like a matter of time before something happened and we'd been getting very flirty when suddenly she comes to work with an engagement ring on, creating a very awkward moment when I got into the lift with her in the morning and another woman was congratulating her!

She'd never mentioned him once in the 3 months we'd been speaking although, in hindsight, it was obvious that at times she'd tip-toed around certain topics and she had "lied" a few times, like when she said she'd gone away with a "friend" over the weekend etc. when it was obviously her bf. And since her engagement she has avoided me too and since that moment in the lift she can barely make eye contact with me. :D

[Groundhog]

Don't date strippers!!!!!! You can however sleep with them as much as you like but wrap it up since a decent percentage of them provide other services. Unless they are dancing to get through school they are severely broken and nothing good can come out of a relationship with them and you can not "fix" them no matter how hard you try. Even most of the ones dancing to pay for school are broken as well but there are at least a couple exceptions in that case.

It is odd that I have never actually been to a strip club yet know a ton of strippers for some reason. Go figure!

I dated one once, although I didn't know she was a stripper until a few dates - somehow it took her pulling out a sandwich bag full of $50 notes to make me ask her what she did for a living. Once I found out, I was out of there.

Actually ran into her about 4 years later and she was now a fitness instructor and studying to be an accountant and hadn't danced in years, so that was good to learn. She was young when I was with her though and was really only doing it for the easy money I think.

In the years after that I met many strippers through my mate's fiance (worked as a bar girl in a strip club) and yeah, fun crowd to hit the town with on a night out, but it was sad watching a lot of the younger ones transition from pretty perky lively young girls into junkies and worse over the 2 months that I hung with that sort of crowd.

[Chief Rum]

Her not mentioning him may not mean he doesn't exist, it's not that usual especially if you guys have been flirty with each other.

A girl started work at my company last year and we hit it off, talked all the time, went to lunch with each other, etc. etc. Seemed like a matter of time before something happened and we'd been getting very flirty when suddenly she comes to work with an engagement ring on, creating a very awkward moment when I got into the lift with her in the morning and another woman was congratulating her!

She'd never mentioned him once in the 3 months we'd been speaking although, in hindsight, it was obvious that at times she'd tip-toed around certain topics and she had "lied" a few times, like when she said she'd gone away with a "friend" over the weekend etc. when it was obviously her bf. And since her engagement she has avoided me too and since that moment in the lift she can barely make eye contact with me. :D

Yeah, that's a crummy situation, Groundhog. I would be pretty annoyed if that happened, too.

I am pretty well certain The Ex is available, though. She told me the BF thing before I told her I was single with no kids. I know she was trying to save face by not seeming to be some old maid without a man in front of her ex, whom she incorrectly assumed would have a significant other of his own. Since that was not the case, she has dropped any mention of this BF, and I have adopted the pretense that she never said it in the first place. :p

[Marmel]

Chief did you first meet her in the club, or outside the club/not working?

[Chief Rum]

Chief did you first meet her in the club, or outside the club/not working?

In the club. Went over there on a lark, because I had an open night and it's a club in very close walking distance. So I could have a drink and not worry about driving.

[MacroGuru]

I think this sums it up for you...:D ;)

<iframe src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/VYr3MDje6DM" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="349" width="425"></iframe>

[DanGarion]

In the club. Went over there on a lark, because I had an open night and it's a club in very close walking distance. So I could have a drink and not worry about driving.

Let me know the club, I'll go talk to her... I doubt it's that far from me... j/k :)

[stevew]

<iframe width="480" height="390" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/lKcr5vkOxNs" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

How the hell didn't someone post this by now.

[heybrad]

Let me know the club, I'll go talk to her... I doubt it's that far from me... j/k :)
I was wondering which one it is too. If I'm remembering correctly where Chief lives, I wonder if it's TJ's.

[DaddyTorgo]

hehe

[Chief Rum]

lol...it's not TJ's. I think I have only been to that one once, a long time ago in college, and I don't remember it being any good. :p

[DanGarion]

lol...it's not TJ's. I think I have only been to that one once, a long time ago in college, and I don't remember it being any good. :p

Well I could start naming them all off. It's probably Fritz, Sahara, or Flamingo... ;) But there are some others in the area. Don't worry Chief, I won't track her down.

[DanGarion]

lol...it's not TJ's. I think I have only been to that one once, a long time ago in college, and I don't remember it being any good. :p
TJs was a full nude "juice bar".

[heybrad]

lol...it's not TJ's. I think I have only been to that one once, a long time ago in college, and I don't remember it being any good. :p
Good to hear. I would have been concerned if it was TJ's. That place is a hell hole.

[Galaxy]

Well I could start naming them all off. It's probably Fritz, Sahara, or Flamingo... ;) But there are some others in the area. Don't worry Chief, I won't track her down.

FOFC get-together! :)

[Matthean]

We were together back in college, and now I am dating myself--it was 17 years ago.

So you are in your mid to late 30's and wanting to date a stripper? Either there is a significant age difference, or she's rather old to be on the pole. If she's in her 30's, good luck on changing her lifestyle.

[Autumn]

Chief you better change this thread to Chief Rum's Tantalizing Dating Thread

[Chief Rum]

So you are in your mid to late 30's and wanting to date a stripper? Either there is a significant age difference, or she's rather old to be on the pole. If she's in her 30's, good luck on changing her lifestyle.

She's 27. You guys are putting a lot more into my plans here than I am. I am just at the start, looking around at potential dates, and being open to the process and who comes along. I don't really think anything will come of a relationship with Sunday. But if a hot chick, even a perhaps F'd up stripper, is interested in going out with me, I'm not above taking her up on that. She's still a hot chick and I still enjoy getting it on with hot chicks. ;)

I have always felt there would be tremendous hurdles to actually having a serious relationship with Sunday, and as I have spent more time with her, I have found even bigger hurdles. So it's really very unlikely this is a route I will go.

[JediKooter]

Nothing wrong with getting it on with a hot chick.

[Chief Rum]

Chief you better change this thread to Chief Rum's Tantalizing Dating Thread

Haha...I changed it.

[Galaxy]

She's 27. You guys are putting a lot more into my plans here than I am. I am just at the start, looking around at potential dates, and being open to the process and who comes along. I don't really think anything will come of a relationship with Sunday. But if a hot chick, even a perhaps F'd up stripper, is interested in going out with me, I'm not above taking her up on that. She's still a hot chick and I still enjoy getting it on with hot chicks. ;)

I have always felt there would be tremendous hurdles to actually having a serious relationship with Sunday, and as I have spent more time with her, I have found even bigger hurdles. So it's really very unlikely this is a route I will go.

What exactly are you looking for long-term? Someone to date and hang out with (and maybe some fun the in sack)? A relationship in terms of boyfriend and girlfriend? Marriage with kids? I don't mean this in terms of the situation with Sunday, but in general with regards to your dating goals.

[Chief Rum]

What exactly are you looking for long-term? Someone to date and hang out with (and maybe some fun the in sack)? A relationship in terms of boyfriend and girlfriend? Marriage with kids? I don't mean this in terms of the situation with Sunday, but in general with regards to your dating goals.

Good question, Galaxy. I'm looking for fun in the short term and we'll see what develops in the long term.

I figure start with some good times and get to know one another. If it's something where we both start to develop feelings for one another, then maybe I'll explore that a little further. I'm not against even getting to BF/GF status with someone fairly quickly.

I expect, though, that the leap from BF/GF to marriage is going to be a significantly longer one. I am not interested in marrying right now or having kids, although I would still like to someday. Frankly, I'm not financially set up well enough to do that, and that's a primary concern for me to take care of before I were to even consider marriage and a family.

[Autumn]

I for one heartily endorse you having fun with a stripper, Chief. Do it for the married gents. Just remember pix or it didn't happen.

[Brian Swartz]

Browsing when you aren't in a position to buy inevitable leads to problems.

[Chief Rum]

To be fair, Brian, I probably am perfectly fine to go that next step, but I am by nature very cautious about such things. Just want to be careful I don't bite off more than I can chew.

[DaddyTorgo]

I for one heartily endorse you having fun with a stripper, Chief. Do it for the married gents. Just remember pix or it didn't happen.

This.

[Ksyrup]

Listening to this on the drive home, and I immediately thought of this thread:

Dance just for me
Nevermind the dollar bills
And the way they make you feel

Dance just for me
Nevermind the drunken eyes
They can't see that you're the only one for me

[M GO BLUE!!!]

Wasn't today the big date with the Nigerian Princess who needs to access her account?

[Chief Rum]

Heh, heh... okay, some updates.

It has been hard to follow up on the dating life with me getting ready for my move later today, and with the two jobs.

Yes, M Go Blue!!!, Thursday was supposed to be the date with the living Nigerian scam. Frankly, I blew her off, just too busy. Surprisingly, I texted Wants2Work an apology and told her how busy I have been, and she seemed to accept that. Today I asked if she still wants to go out, and it seems she does. So we'll try again next week (day to be determined).

As already stated, I have been drifting away from Sunday. She just has too many issues. I went to the club Wednesday night to see her (at her request), and again some of these issues were cropping up. I don't think it's fair to her to detail them her, but nonetheless, it just reinforces to me that this isn't a good road to go down, maybe not even for a little fun (but I'll poke around at that option abit, still, being your normal horny guy, of course).

The most interesting development is with The Ex. We were texting back anbd forth as we often do when I suggested I go out there and visit her in June or July. She sorta glazed over that and wished me a good day. I shrugged and moved on. I later got a FB message from basically letting me know the BF is real and they're having problems, and she doesn't know where that's going. Kinda acknowledged that we still obviously have some connection, but it doesn't sound like me being around has anything to do with her current troubles with the BF. So I'm probably gonna chill on that and let that work itself out, however it does.

I need to ask some new girls out, so I can get some new stories going. ;)

[Passacaglia]

WTF? Not much of a dynasty thread if you don't go on the dates. We demand satisfaction!

[Desnudo]

"She has money issues" means...

1. A good amount of money was taken away from her.
2. A good amount of her income was lowered.
3. She can't handle money "because she needs things for her lifestyle."

My guess is number 3.

"She has a sugar daddy" means...

A male who hooks up with somebody "who has money issues because she needs things for her lifestyle," and gets some sort of reward for their generosity. Let's say the obvious, she's giving him sexual favors for the stuff she gets. If sex isn't involved, he's either a friend who's helping her out, or he's getting played.

A gold digger means...

Somebody who "has money issues because she needs things for her lifestyle," and thus seeks out a "sugar daddy."

I'll just add that she has two jobs, does one of them enough to where it's hard for you to get together, has a sugar daddy, and she still has money issues. Oh and despite all of that, you have no issue going to see her work and thus cutting into likely the most credible way for her to make money.

1. Stop seeing her in the club.
2. She drops the sugar daddy.
3. Have her read Dave Ramsey.

A guy busting his hump doing two jobs does not need a gold digging stripper as a girlfriend.

My friend had a bouncer at a club tell him "as long as you remember it is always about the money, you'll be fine.

I was friends with a girl in college who stripped during the summers. She said she made more in 3 months doing that than a normal job would pay in a year. Of course this just proves point one, even if she was a cool girl. I think the job says something about your relative weighting of priorities.

and every single one has daddy issues

[Izulde]

Re: the ex, as somebody once told me, there's a reason the girl's an ex. Best to stay that way.

[Chief Rum]

Re: the ex, as somebody once told me, there's a reason the girl's an ex. Best to stay that way.

Actually, Izulde, the reasons are way, way in the past, and had to do with where we were at the time we were together. We're talking 17 years ago. We were in college. It had to do with goals in life, stuff like that, not that we were incompatible or had some other issues.

So there's more to that possibility than it appears. But in any case, like I said, she's in the middle of a relationship she may or may not want out of, and they even live together, so I'm not going to mess with that until she's made whatever decisions she needs to there.

Besides, the major issue isn't that she's an ex, but that she's in Phoenix.

[Chief Rum]

WTF? Not much of a dynasty thread if you don't go on the dates. We demand satisfaction!

Haha, sorry, Pass, I'll work on that. Should be going on a date with Wants2Work sometime this week.

I am going out to dinner with a friend (who is a girl) tomorrow night, but she's definitely in the friend territory (way too young; actually, there's another thread about her on this board, come to think of it). But if you want, I'll spill all the salacious details about what a wonderful dinner we had. :p

[sabotai]

Unless she's under 18 years old, she is not "way too young". :)

[MrBug708]

WTF? Not much of a dynasty thread if you don't go on the dates. We demand satisfaction!

Pretty sure that is Chief's hope as well :)

[Noop]

I know sometimes I come off as a bit of a douche and a know it all. However I feel like I can add to the discussion in this thread. I won't without Chief's permission because I am aware that my presence tends to distract.

Either way I am reading and rooting you on Chief.

I am kind of shocked by EF27's divorce though.

[MrBug708]

http://mystuffspace.com/graphic/fuck-haters.jpg

[Chief Rum]

Unless she's under 18 years old, she is not "way too young". :)

Haha...I'm not touching this one. ;)

She's 20, and is still struggling to get over a major breakup she had last year. Even if I were inclined, she's not in the right place for it.

I started another thread about her recently where I was asking the collective genius that is FOFC the best way for me to suggest to her to try to get over the lost love (and got a lot of good advice, some of which I am still hoping she'll put to use, although she's following her own course on that one now).

[Chief Rum]

I know sometimes I come off as a bit of a douche and a know it all. However I feel like I can add to the discussion in this thread. I won't without Chief's permission because I am aware that my presence tends to distract.

Either way I am reading and rooting you on Chief.

I am kind of shocked by EF27's divorce though.

Thanks, Noop! I'm not one to tell anyone else not to post in my thread, and I am sure you have much to contribute. I would welcome you coming into the thread and offering up any commentary you can. I think you'll offer a different perspective than many others, and that can't hurt.

So please post and comment all you want.

[Chief Rum]

Pretty sure that is Chief's hope as well :)

Heh, heh that reminds me, Bug, you'll have to introduce me to your single friends, lol.

[Galaxy]

Heh, heh... okay, some updates.

It has been hard to follow up on the dating life with me getting ready for my move later today, and with the two jobs.

Yes, M Go Blue!!!, Thursday was supposed to be the date with the living Nigerian scam. Frankly, I blew her off, just too busy. Surprisingly, I texted Wants2Work an apology and told her how busy I have been, and she seemed to accept that. Today I asked if she still wants to go out, and it seems she does. So we'll try again next week (day to be determined).

As already stated, I have been drifting away from Sunday. She just has too many issues. I went to the club Wednesday night to see her (at her request), and again some of these issues were cropping up. I don't think it's fair to her to detail them her, but nonetheless, it just reinforces to me that this isn't a good road to go down, maybe not even for a little fun (but I'll poke around at that option abit, still, being your normal horny guy, of course).

The most interesting development is with The Ex. We were texting back anbd forth as we often do when I suggested I go out there and visit her in June or July. She sorta glazed over that and wished me a good day. I shrugged and moved on. I later got a FB message from basically letting me know the BF is real and they're having problems, and she doesn't know where that's going. Kinda acknowledged that we still obviously have some connection, but it doesn't sound like me being around has anything to do with her current troubles with the BF. So I'm probably gonna chill on that and let that work itself out, however it does.

I need to ask some new girls out, so I can get some new stories going. ;)

If your ex is sort of poking around (talking) with one of her exes while she has a boyfriend, whom she is having issues with, seems a bit of risk of to me and the trust issues I would have would be tough to deal with.

[Matthean]

If your ex is sort of poking around (talking) with her exes and that sort of such while she has a boyfriend, seems a bit of risk of to me.

It's why you wait for the break up and waiting period so things would be a lot cleaner going in.

[Galaxy]

It's why you wait for the break up and waiting period so things would be a lot cleaner going in.

I just get the impression she won't stick it out in the long-run. If a girl starts talking with another guy just because you might be having some issues, seems like she'll do it again if you have the same problems. Relationships aren't easy.

[Matthean]

I just get the impression she won't stick it out in the long-run. If a girl starts talking with another guy just because you might be having some issues, seems like she'll do it again if you have the same problems. Relationships aren't easy.

I think somebody here mentioned how relationships tend to end how they are started. If it started with them cheating on somebody else with you, then it will likely end with them cheating on you. It's why I said for their to be a waiting period. She needs a clean break from her newest potential ex before one would want to start another relationship with her.

[sabotai]

I think somebody here mentioned how relationships tend to end how they are started. If it started with them cheating on somebody else with you, then it will likely end with them cheating on you. It's why I said for their to be a waiting period. She needs a clean break from her newest potential ex before one would want to start another relationship with her.

That's generally been my observation. Of the few serious relationships I have had, they all generally ended the way they began. The same with my friends. If she cheats with you, she'll cheat on you.

[DaddyTorgo]

Thanks, Noop! I'm not one to tell anyone else not to post in my thread, and I am sure you have much to contribute. I would welcome you coming into the thread and offering up any commentary you can. I think you'll offer a different perspective than many others, and that can't hurt.

So please post and comment all you want.

:confused:

Because he's black?!?!?!!

OMG - CHIEF RUM IS A RACIALIST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

:popcorn:

[Chief Rum]

Haha, no DT. Noop's just displayed a different approach to women in th past than most of the other guys on this board, and I can definitely use different perspectives. Noop would be a terrific addition to the thread, IMO, so I hope he joins us.

[DaddyTorgo]

Haha, no DT. Noop's just displayed a different approach to women in th past than most of the other guys on this board, and I can definitely use different perspectives. Noop would be a terrific addition to the thread, IMO, so I hope he joins us.

I know what you meant - I was just being silly. :D

[Galaxy]

Have you tried online dating Chief? That would make for an interesting thread.

[Chief Rum]

Have you tried online dating Chief? That would make for an interesting thread.

Actually, Galaxy, I met Wants2Work at Zoosk, the online dating site, and that's definitely an avenue I am exploring.

Of course, between dealing with my Mom's financial affairs and moving this weekend, my dating life has taken a week or two off for a bit.

I should be going out with Wants2Work this week. I'm texting her tonight, maybe see about Thursday.

[Draft Dodger]

just posting so that there's a little dot next to this thread to help me follow along better

[JonInMiddleGA]

We actually don't really do much dances at the club. We just hang out there together and have drinks. She probably would make a lot more money if I wasn't there, because when I am she sits around hanging with me instead of asking other guys for dances.

Ah, you're a "safety table".

You don't get bothered when she's got a chance to make money, if things are a little slow you make sure to help get the parade of tips going with a seed bill or two during the first song of the set, you're someone to pay close attention to if a really creepy patron is showing too much interest, and you're a good table to hang out at when things are really slow between sets.

How am I doing?

[cuervo72]

just posting so that there's a little dot next to this thread to help me follow along better

:thumbsup:

[Groundhog]

Ah, you're a "safety table".

You don't get bothered when she's got a chance to make money, if things are a little slow you make sure to help get the parade of tips going with a seed bill or two during the first song of the set, you're someone to pay close attention to if a really creepy patron is showing too much interest, and you're a good table to hang out at when things are really slow between sets.

How am I doing?

:D

[bbor]

just posting so that there's a little dot next to this thread to help me follow along better



LOL....i do this too.

[Galaxy]

Actually, Galaxy, I met Wants2Work at Zoosk, the online dating site, and that's definitely an avenue I am exploring.

Of course, between dealing with my Mom's financial affairs and moving this weekend, my dating life has taken a week or two off for a bit.

I should be going out with Wants2Work this week. I'm texting her tonight, maybe see about Thursday.

Have you tried any of the other sites?

[Noop]

Plenty Of Fish is a good website to find some action if you are inclined to look. With that said I strong advise you do not attempt to have a real relationship with anyone from that site.

[Galaxy]

Plenty Of Fish is a good website to find some action if you are inclined to look. With that said I strong advise you do not attempt to have a real relationship with anyone from that site.

You have bad experiences with POF?

[Noop]

You have bad experiences with POF?

Lulz.

I honestly have never had a bad experience with POF far as relationships go because I do not go looking for that. However if you want to talk about encounters then yeah man I have had a bunch. I am thankful I have not had any incidents or trips to the clinic.

[Rizon]

Have you tried Ashley-Madison? You may want the other person to refer to this link (http://www.operationsports.com/fofc/showthread.php?t=50589&highlight=fudge) later.

[M GO BLUE!!!]

From what I saw on POF, FOF is just about as viable an option.

[Noop]

From what I saw on POF, FOF is just about as viable an option.

Really? POF is not the place to go if you're looking for a girlfriend/wife it is the place to go when you're in need of some release. The thing about POF is the women message you, oppose to the guys chasing. I suggest POF if you're looking to kick start your mojo or work out your new game.

[Galaxy]

Chief, you could always sign up on one of those sugar dating sites. :D

[M GO BLUE!!!]

There is always Craigslist. LOL

[Rizon]

Chief, you could always sign up on one of those sugar dating sites. :D

I signed up for Sugar Daddy once, out of desperation. I was not in any way rich (and I'm still not), but the girls on there were smokin hot and I figured it was worth a shot. Sent out about 40 requests, received some from out of state, but one girl locally got back to me. We texted and talked on the phone for a couple of months and finally went on a date. She wasn't hot hot, but she was very cute. It was one of the best dates I've ever had. Course, when she found out I wasn't rich she never returned my calls :D

[JediKooter]

I signed up for Sugar Daddy once, out of desperation. I was not in any way rich (and I'm still not), but the girls on there were smokin hot and I figured it was worth a shot. Sent out about 40 requests, received some from out of state, but one girl locally got back to me. We texted and talked on the phone for a couple of months and finally went on a date. She wasn't hot hot, but she was very cute. It was one of the best dates I've ever had. Course, when she found out I wasn't rich she never returned my calls :D

This article could have come in handy at the time: First Person: Living a Six-Figure Lifestyle on a $30,000 Salary - Yahoo! Finance (http://finance.yahoo.com/news/First-Person-Living-Six-ac-2328933919.html?x=0)

[Galaxy]

I signed up for Sugar Daddy once, out of desperation. I was not in any way rich (and I'm still not), but the girls on there were smokin hot and I figured it was worth a shot. Sent out about 40 requests, received some from out of state, but one girl locally got back to me. We texted and talked on the phone for a couple of months and finally went on a date. She wasn't hot hot, but she was very cute. It was one of the best dates I've ever had. Course, when she found out I wasn't rich she never returned my calls :D

If you don't mind me asking (and you don't have to answer), what did you put for your salary range? Was it honest?

[Rizon]

If you don't mind me asking (and you don't have to answer), what did you put for your salary range? Was it honest?

I don't think they had a low enough number for my salary range ... haha. I really don't remember, it was several years ago.

[Chief Rum]

Hilarious. Never even heard of sugar daddy sites. lol

[Chief Rum]

Oh, and I guarantee, I don't qualify. :)

[Radii]

We texted and talked on the phone for a couple of months and finally went on a date.

A couple months?!

[Galaxy]

I don't think they had a low enough number for my salary range ... haha. I really don't remember, it was several years ago.


I'll be curious to see the reaction if you set up a profile with an very nice salary/net worth (couple of million or so), but with an not-so-attractive guy.

[Galaxy]

A couple months?!

He's playing it slow.

[Chief Rum]

A couple months?!

Golddigger: "So what kind of car do you drive?"
Rizon: "Aston Martin"
GD: "James Bond's car?"
Rizon: "Yup. Well, when I'm not letting Douglas take me out for a spin in the Rolls."
GD: "Awesome"
GD: "You're cute. Hey, how come in your profile pic it looks like you're wearing a grungy old jeans, a wifebeater and an old Swatch watch?"
Rizon: "It's less intimidating to the help. I only wear Armani on Tuesdays."
GD: "Cool!"
GD: "So we're meeting up at Spago's?"
Rizon: "Yeah...well, actually, Rosarita's...it's a great Mexican hole in the wall around the corner. Then we'll walk by Spago's."
Rizon: "BTW, I'm showing up in a beatup '03 Corolla. Aston Martin's in the shop."
GD: "Umm, ok, see you there..."

[Chief Rum]

I'll be curious to see the reaction if you set up a profile with an very nice salary/net worth (couple of million or so), but with an not-so-attractive guy.

I can't do that unless I find an unattractive guy to pose for me. :D

[Rizon]

A couple months?!

Yup. We had some vacations in there, but it did take forever just to get a date. She had a sexy voice so I thought for a minute she might not be the same girl in the pictures and I was getting played or something.

[Rizon]

Golddigger: "So what kind of car do you drive?"
Rizon: "Aston Martin"
GD: "James Bond's car?"
Rizon: "Yup. Well, when I'm not letting Douglas take me out for a spin in the Rolls."
GD: "Awesome"
GD: "You're cute. Hey, how come in your profile pic it looks like you're wearing a grungy old jeans, a wifebeater and an old Swatch watch?"
Rizon: "It's less intimidating to the help. I only wear Armani on Tuesdays."
GD: "Cool!"
GD: "So we're meeting up at Spago's?"
Rizon: "Yeah...well, actually, Rosarita's...it's a great Mexican hole in the wall around the corner. Then we'll walk by Spago's."
Rizon: "BTW, I'm showing up in a beatup '03 Corolla. Aston Martin's in the shop."
GD: "Umm, ok, see you there..."

This is pretty much spot on, except for the 03 Corolla. It was an 87 Taurus.

[Galaxy]

She had a sexy voice so I thought for a minute she might not be the same girl in the pictures and I was getting played or something.

I'm missing the logic on this.

[DanGarion]

I'm missing the logic on this.

Sexy voice = Ugly.

[Galaxy]

Sexy voice = Ugly.

He said he was worried about being played, when he was on a sugar dating site.

[Galaxy]

Oh, and I guarantee, I don't qualify. :)

You could always go for a sugar momma.

[Radii]

Golddigger: "So what kind of car do you drive?"
Rizon: "Aston Martin"
GD: "James Bond's car?"
Rizon: "Yup. Well, when I'm not letting Douglas take me out for a spin in the Rolls."
GD: "Awesome"
GD: "You're cute. Hey, how come in your profile pic it looks like you're wearing a grungy old jeans, a wifebeater and an old Swatch watch?"
Rizon: "It's less intimidating to the help. I only wear Armani on Tuesdays."
GD: "Cool!"
GD: "So we're meeting up at Spago's?"
Rizon: "Yeah...well, actually, Rosarita's...it's a great Mexican hole in the wall around the corner. Then we'll walk by Spago's."
Rizon: "BTW, I'm showing up in a beatup '03 Corolla. Aston Martin's in the shop."
GD: "Umm, ok, see you there..."


A++ :D

[Rizon]

He said he was worried about being played, when he was on a sugar dating site.

In my defense I hadn't been single in 16 years, so I didn't really know what was going on, but it didn't seem normal to me. I thought there was a possibility I was going to lose a kidney.

[Galaxy]

In my defense I hadn't been single in 16 years, so I didn't really know what was going on, but it didn't seem normal to me. I thought there was a possibility I was going to lose a kidney.

16 years? I didn't realize these kind of sites went that far back.

[Rizon]

16 years? I didn't realize these kind of sites went that far back.

It took forever to get online with my M2500 XL/2 and it's 2.4 baud modem. But once I got into CompuServe, then it was a smorgasbord of dating sites.

[Galaxy]

It took forever to get online with my M2500 XL/2 and it's 2.4 baud modem. But once I got into CompuServe, then it was a smorgasbord of dating sites.

Sounds dirty.

[Galaxy]

I can't do that unless I find an unattractive guy to pose for me. :D

Pumpy's out.

[lungs]

We'll see if I might add some stories. Threw a hook out on match and got a bite.

I've got no interest in any of the local diseased bar flies so I have to look elsewhere.

I've had profiles up on various sites for some time but never have actually met anybody. I was close earlier this year but the girl cancelled at the last minute on the day we were supposed to meet, defriended me on Facebook, then a week later emailed me accusing me of defriending her and saying that she still wanted to meet up with me. Sounded like a crazy bitch so I just ignored text messages and emails. She was pretty good looking though I think she overdid the tanning a bit.

[Galaxy]

We'll see if I might add some stories. Threw a hook out on match and got a bite.

I've got no interest in any of the local diseased bar flies so I have to look elsewhere.

I've had profiles up on various sites for some time but never have actually met anybody. I was close earlier this year but the girl cancelled at the last minute on the day we were supposed to meet, defriended me on Facebook, then a week later emailed me accusing me of defriending her and saying that she still wanted to meet up with me. Sounded like a crazy bitch so I just ignored text messages and emails. She was pretty good looking though I think she overdid the tanning a bit.

Tanning too much + "Facebook drama" + crazy bitch= A great roll in the hay.

[Pumpy Tudors]

Pumpy's out.
:thumbsup:

[M GO BLUE!!!]

I've had profiles up on various sites for some time but never have actually met anybody. I was close earlier this year but the girl cancelled at the last minute on the day we were supposed to meet, defriended me on Facebook, then a week later emailed me accusing me of defriending her and saying that she still wanted to meet up with me. Sounded like a crazy bitch so I just ignored text messages and emails. She was pretty good looking though I think she overdid the tanning a bit.

Back in 2002 I was supposed to meet up with a woman from Match. We had set the date, but didn't make any real plans. I had an accident that landed me in the hospital, but still called like normal & only got her voicemail. I didn't mention anything about my condition. She disappeared. Nothing for about six months. Then I get an email where she apologized "for flaking out." I replied, telling her that it was fine, as I was laid up in the hospital with a broken back anyway. Supposedly, she felt terrible about that. Hahahahahahahaha!

[Galaxy]

Back in 2002 I was supposed to meet up with a woman from Match. We had set the date, but didn't make any real plans. I had an accident that landed me in the hospital, but still called like normal & only got her voicemail. I didn't mention anything about my condition. She disappeared. Nothing for about six months. Then I get an email where she apologized "for flaking out." I replied, telling her that it was fine, as I was laid up in the hospital with a broken back anyway. Supposedly, she felt terrible about that. Hahahahahahahaha!

She flaked out for 6 months and decided to get back to you? You sound like you were the last option or something for her.

I have a match account (hidden and I not the process of dating at the moment; but I find it interesting to study the people on it).

I've noticed a few things:

Is it just me or do a lot of women say they work hard? Should you really have to say that?

I didn't realized maybe 80-85% of the women are "Athletic and toned".

How the hell is someone suppose to be interested if you have very little substance of your interests, hobbies, and personality?

Height is a pretty big thing.

The guys look like they can be just as bad from looking over some of their profiles.



Any update Chief?

[M GO BLUE!!!]

She flaked out for 6 months and decided to get back to you? You sound like you were the last option or something for her.

She also made a point of having found a great guy & was very happy in a relationship, but felt bad about flaking out. I told her it likely wouldn't have worked anyway, with me in a back brace & going through therapy & having difficulty walking, etc. Nothing like paining her as a flaky bit.. who snubbed a man that had just broke his back, especially with it being the truth. Hehehe... :D

Yeah... Did Nigerian Scam Date steal Chief's kidney or what?

[Galaxy]

Yeah... Did Nigerian Scam Date steal Chief's kidney or what?

A lot of alcohol and drugs must of been involved for that to have happened.

[JediKooter]

:popcorn:

[Chief Rum]

Still living, folks. Just been busy as hell with the move. Not much time for dating, but I am still keeping my mind's eye on it.

Wants2Work I have cooled with a bit, because she has said some things in text that didn't mesh with her profile on Zoosk and makes me wonder what the truth is. For instance, she lives in Pomona and not Rancho Cucamonga. And she has two kids (but that may be on her profile, I admit I don't remember). She says she's 37 (her profile says 36). It's little things like that. And of course the living, breathing Nigerian Scam angle. I may still go back to it just to meet her and see what she's all about and to provide you guys with entertainment. :)

I have also cooled with the Ex, but that's more about giving her room to deal with her home situation. We're still sending friendly texts and calls back and forth on a semi-regular basis.

I still occasionally visit Sunday. She's as messed up as ever. I still don't intend anything seriius with her, but looking out for friends with benefits possibilities.

There's other stuff creeping up, but because of my busy schedule, I haven't really been able to follow up so well. I'll keep y'all posted as things ease up in the next couple weeks (I hope), and I can get back into the swing of things.

Heh...one of the things that has me down right now is that I have been too busy to really work out, so I feel like a lazy bastard who is gaining weight. I need to get back on that. It makes it easier to date when I am comfortable with how I am looking and feeling. :p

[Rizon]

http://i14.photobucket.com/albums/a319/fladj11/Signs%20Pics%20and%20Sayings%202/GeorgeCastanzaEatingPopcorn.gif

[Chief Rum]

I broke up with my GF last night. Pretty sure it's a break up break up, as in we're done for now (not getting back together in the next day or two; I couldn't tell you if it is a break up that could never ever heal).

You might wonder why I am waffling on the break up, but that's because I had been sure this was the girl I was going to marry.

Only benefit from all this might be that this thread gets going again.

[M GO BLUE!!!]

Going all the way in to bump a thread. That is dedication!

[Chief Rum]

Going all the way in to bump a thread. That is dedication!

Well, it was a fun thread.

Strangely enough, the last post here was a month before I met my GF, so I never actually detailed my dating of said GF.

Not that I am going to start now. :)

[ISiddiqui]

Well then what's the point? :p

[Chief Rum]

Well then what's the point? :p

Dating going forward, lol. Or at least I hope there will be dating.

I'm very far from wanting to date date anyone, but I could use a little fun dating time. ;)

As for my now ex-GF and how that went, I mean, there's not much to tell. We met at a club and hit it off right away. We are both scifi geeks and were the same age (39, 38 at the time), so we had a lot in common. She was incredibly hot, and I for whatever reason was just attractive enough to keep her around. We had lots of ups and downs over the past year and change. Many more ups than downs, which is why it is disappointing in a way to have to bump this thread.

In the end, I decided she wasn't pulling her weight in the relationship and wasn't in a good place to continue dating. I wasn't willing to wait for her to figure it out, or to find more time to put into us. So I left her.

See, not much to it.

[Chief Rum]

That description sounds much more rational in short script than the actual tale of the relationship. I could write a book on that one, but who would read it?

Obviously, there was a lot more to my relationship with my ex-GF. But I don't think anyone here would care to try to follow along with that.

There was no cheating or nothing like that. Just two people viewing a relationship differently and disagreeing on how it should go forward. She wasn't willing to compromise or even see what she was doing wrong. I fully admitted my faults, but I wasn't willing to entirely bridge the gap on my own to where she was. So no compromise, bye bye relationship.

[Chief Rum]

So I signed up Plenty of Fish a few days ago, but I put myself down as 34. Lol... not sure if I will stick with that. I turn 40 in a month, but I look like I am at worst in my early 30s.

[M GO BLUE!!!]

you can be the testee for the trekie dating site!

[M GO BLUE!!!]

So I signed up Plenty of Fish a few days ago, but I put myself down as 34. Lol... not sure if I will stick with that. I turn 40 in a month, but I look like I am at worst in my early 30s.

lying about fundemental information is a good start.

[Chief Rum]

lying about fundemental information is a good start.

I'm not looking to build relationships there. That's just for fun. When I go do real dating, I'll go back to match.com or something like that, and there my stuff will be 100% accurate.

[ISiddiqui]

Just two people viewing a relationship differently and disagreeing on how it should go forward. She wasn't willing to compromise or even see what she was doing wrong. I fully admitted my faults, but I wasn't willing to entirely bridge the gap on my own to where she was. So no compromise, bye bye relationship.

Hmmm, may need some more detail ;). How did you view the relationship vs. how did she do it?

But I've been there before and that does suck. Esp when you feel you are the one bending over backwards and she's just expecting you to and not doing anything in return.

[Chief Rum]

you can be the testee for the trekie dating site!

I'm sure you made that up, but okay I'll ask. Is there a Trekkie dating site? Lol.

[claphamsa]

But I've been there before and that does suck. Esp when you feel you are the one bending over backwards and she's just expecting you to and not doing anything in return.

this sounds shockingly like the relationship im in now...

[JediKooter]

this sounds shockingly like the relationship im in now...

Only one thing you can do...

[ISiddiqui]

Agreed. You'll thank yourself for it later.

[DaddyTorgo]

you can be the testee for the trekie dating site!

I already created a profile. I don't think I'll pay them yet though.

[Chief Rum]

Hmmm, may need some more detail ;). How did you view the relationship vs. how did she do it?

But I've been there before and that does suck. Esp when you feel you are the one bending over backwards and she's just expecting you to and not doing anything in return.

To understand her view of the relationship, you have to understand where she was coming from. Her primary job is running an event-planning business which relies heavily on discretionary cash spending. It was doing great around about when the recession hit. She's really good at building her events and making them fun, happening places to be.

But they are costly. Her primary demographic was upper middleclass, to borderline very well off--exactly the demo hit hardest by the housing crisis. Her business took a nosedive as a result. She had to work other jobs, which is complicated because she suffers from debilitating migraines that can happen on her very quickly.Working jobs with set schedules (you know, like all of them) is very difficult for her.

So when I met her, she was really struggling financially and working 14-18 hour days to make ends meet. Plus, she was coming off an emotionally abusive relationship with this jackhole who would start fights just to start them.

Since I am relatively easy going and smiling and I have two jobs with some money put away, from a potential mate perspective I was a really good fit for her. But she was always adamant about making it on her own, so she kept working those crazy hours. She never really devoted anywhere near the time to our relationship that she could and her financial recovery has been extremely slow, almost a standstill really.

I as a result became the supporter of sorts. Sure, I helped her financially at times, but that's not entirely what I mean. I was her "sane" to her otherwise dismal, hard working life. I was her "happy and generally stress free" relationship she could turn to when she couldn't deal with the crap going on in her life. I was her biggest fan, pushing her moods positive, always coming up with ideas to help her and being her sounding board for all things business and personal. I don't think I am deluding myself to say that I was the one thing in her life that she has treasured the past year and a half, that really allowed her to go on.

And because of her dire circumstances, I let her slide on a lot of relationship stuff. It was a while before we got rally physical. I didn't push her to go on a lot of dates. I fit my times with her into her schedule, and often times while she was working.

It shouldn't be a shock that at some point this grows old. I have my needs, too, and they were not being satisfied. But trying to bring these issues was up was extremely difficult, because stress is a big time trigger for her migraines. She always stressed to me that she could not afford to have "drama" in her life, because she's on the financial precipice and she can't afford to lose a few days to unexpected migraines. I knew my dissatisfaction with how she was holding her end of the relationship would cause her stress and maybe even be changes she couldn't make. I loved her more than to do that to her, so I kept my issues to myself and hoped for better days as her situation improved. Only it never did.

We were mostly a very happy and fun couple together, but when we got ugly, we could hurt feelings fast. My breakup with her yesterday is a result of the latest fight.

Two weeks ago, she moved to Las Vegas, which could be a financial boon for her and her business. I was completely supportive. We had a lot of ideas for how to keep our relationship going strong across the distance. Neither of us were particularly worried about the move, because we had already been talking engagement rings, kids, the works. We really felt it would all work out in the end. We were going to see each other at least once every couple weekends--I would go see her, or she would come out to me. We would try to talk at least every other night. We were already planning Thanksgiving together and meeting each other's families. We were talking about a vacation together in March.

Right away, there were issues. For one, during her move, she was able to get her packing done quicker than she thought and decided to leave early on a Saturday morning for Vegas. She refused my help packing or moving because of my schedule and the fact I don't have a truck with a trailer hitch (she had another friend who did). Her decision to move early and quickly meant we didn't even see each other before she left. We didn't work out the real details for how we were going to keep in contact and keep our relationship fresh while she lived away. And then when she got there, after getting settled in, she just jumped right into her work and disappeared on me. Instead of talking once every other night, we talked once in the last two weeks. She wasn't picking up her phone and her texts were short and sporadic and apologetic. I don't doubt she was working her butt off, BTW. That's who she is. And it was that lack of communication that got the fight going.

Yesterday I explained some of that to her in a text, and was hoping for a response where she was willing to be more communicative, to work more with me on our relationship. Instead, she berated me for "starting fights" and causing drama. She basically made it a my way highway thing, saying she could have 100% no drama if I am to stay with her. I tried to get in touch again, for us to talk it out, but she wasn't responding again last night. That just gave me more opportunities to sit there and consider how much I work on this relationship and she doesn't. She didn't seem willing at all to make changes.

So that's when I decided. I just unloaded on her in text. Let out all of the stupid shit that has been bugging me that I kept away from her because of her stress-dram situation. I told her I loved her very much (and I still do), but I can't continue our relationship this way. I in fact told her she shouldn't be in a relationship at all until she gets her shit together (I used softer words on that point). And then I told her goodbye, and that's it. She hasn't texted back.

So there you go. Probably, way way way more detail than you like. If it matters any, it was somewhat cathartic for me to write it, so thanks for the opportunity to let some of it out.

[JediKooter]

Stress free. Heh! Drama free. Heh! A Relationship are not these things. She is reckless.

[ISiddiqui]

Damn Chief, sorry to hear that. And definitely unhealthy. It can really suck to be in a relationship where you feel your significant other doesn't have enough focus for you, regardless of the reason. And it felt like you were the one trying to make time, but she couldn't be bothered (or felt it was your responsibility). When you are the one always trying and other person isn't, it can really feel like they don't give a shit if the relationship succeeds or fails, and even if that isn't the case, the feeling still sucks.

Also the emotional sucking is horrible. I've definitely been there. You feel good for being kind of an emotional rock and helping your SO with other issues in their life. You help build them up, but the problem comes when the SO expects that's how it'll always work. When things are so out of wack emotional support wise, it feels like a chore and also your emotional needs aren't being met by this person and I'm sure when you brought up your emotional needs, she couldn't wait to go back to talking about her issues. And, then when you demand more time for your emotional needs rather than hers, you get accused of selfishness and all that crap.

The "I don't want drama" stuff is grating as well and fits into the above. She seemingly wanted you to help with her emotional issues, but if you had any emotional problems, well that caused drama and not what she was looking for. Almost like she wants her SO to be a free therapist.

So, I'm happy for you for getting out of that. I almost got married to the same situation (somewhat), so I'm glad you realized it before it was too late. And I'm glad it was helpful to get it out - I don't mind the detail, fwiw.

[JediKooter]

On a serious note...

+1,000 to what ISiddiqui said.

[Chief Rum]

Damn Chief, sorry to hear that. And definitely unhealthy. It can really suck to be in a relationship where you feel your significant other doesn't have enough focus for you, regardless of the reason. And it felt like you were the one trying to make time, but she couldn't be bothered (or felt it was your responsibility). When you are the one always trying and other person isn't, it can really feel like they don't give a shit if the relationship succeeds or fails, and even if that isn't the case, the feeling still sucks.

Also the emotional sucking is horrible. I've definitely been there. You feel good for being kind of an emotional rock and helping your SO with other issues in their life. You help build them up, but the problem comes when the SO expects that's how it'll always work. When things are so out of wack emotional support wise, it feels like a chore and also your emotional needs aren't being met by this person and I'm sure when you brought up your emotional needs, she couldn't wait to go back to talking about her issues. And, then when you demand more time for your emotional needs rather than hers, you get accused of selfishness and all that crap.

The "I don't want drama" stuff is grating as well and fits into the above. She seemingly wanted you to help with her emotional issues, but if you had any emotional problems, well that caused drama and not what she was looking for. Almost like she wants her SO to be a free therapist.

So, I'm happy for you for getting out of that. I almost got married to the same situation (somewhat), so I'm glad you realized it before it was too late. And I'm glad it was helpful to get it out - I don't mind the detail, fwiw.

Thanks, ISiddiqui. Yes, you have a good read on it.

I will say this, when it comes to making time, I truly do believe that for my GF, she felt she didn't have the time to give. It wasn't that she didn't want to, she felt she couldn't afford to. I could quibble about her impression on that, how true it truly was or if she merely convinced herself of it (I really felt it was the latter, but she is someone with a great work ethic who was also driven by financial fear).

I know it all seems awful how things went down, but she's actually a very loving and wonderful person. That's what partly made it even harder to leave. Because I could see when I was with her how much she cared for me, and also, saw all the ways in which she is and could be a truly amazing person.

And she did offer emotional support to me outside of our direct relationship issues. She always listened attentively to me when I talked about my issues with friends or work or other people in my life. She offered advice and she asked after it how all things went. Really, we had a very strong interpersonal relationship together. It was not uncommon for people to comment to us how close we appeared to be together, how into each other. One woman we met who is some kind of Russian gypsy-esque type (we know many "odd" people, you might say) who claimed to know a thing or two about spiritual stuff, said she could see how "our souls intertwined with one another" the first time we met her. It was kinda spooky, really (she meant seeing it quite literally, she said she could perceive auras).

The only emotional issues we couldn't address were the ones where she needed to make a change in her attitude or behavior. Those were the issues I knew would bring about the drama and stress that she feared. I had to tippytoe around those and keep my feelings submerged when her lack of action on a particular issue hit my sensitive spots.

It's hard. I kid you not, we both thought we were forever, even with these issues.

[ISiddiqui]

Jeez Louise, it sounds like stuff I could say about me and my ex. Seriously, almost word for word.

Just know that you did the right thing and you'll find greater freedom in it, even if it sucks now.

[Chief Rum]

Jeez Louise, it sounds like stuff I could say about me and my ex. Seriously, almost word for word.

Just know that you did the right thing and you'll find greater freedom in it, even if it sucks now.

I am 100% certain you are right, and I know it. But I am also 100% certain if Emily were to call me right now and offer to make changes, I would take her back in a heart beat. It's tough in that way, kinda like you're just vulnerable now.

Fortunately, I don't expect her to call (especially since she is no doubt dealing with stress migraines from receiving my breakup text).

I'm glad to know it gets better. Thank you sir.

[ISiddiqui]

No worries and try like Hell to not take her back with promises of changes (I know that is MUCH harder to do than it is to say it).

A relationship where you are emotional equals feels so much better. Also one where both of you have proper focus on the relationship and each other is much better as well - on a basic level, it makes you feel more valued.

[britrock88]

I, too, have come out of a similar relationship. I think you're on the right track.

[M GO BLUE!!!]

You dumped her by text?

[thesloppy]

Having been on both ends of this maneuver before, I think you have just been passive-aggressive dumped, even though you had to do all the emotional heavy lifting. If I understand the situation correctly, she arranged to move to another town, didn't want your help doing so, did so early, without telling you, and then immediately cut off contact when she got there. Mature folks in healthy relationships don't do that to each other. Both she and you may have convinced yourselves to kind of look around those facts as somehow unavoidable, but there's no excuse to going from daily contact to talking once every two weeks, without any explanation. The busiest person in the world can pick up a phone to talk to their SO within two weeks. She literally physically removed herself from the relationship, and then made you do all of the emotional work, and take the blame of the 'drama' and ending the relationship.

I say that not to make you feel like a jerk or a cuckold, or to make her sound like the villain here, but in the interest of preserving you from taking the entirety of the guilt in this situation.....and most importantly, not extending it. Having been in a couple of these relationships, where the emotional investment seems to be split 60-40, the biggest mistake I always made was the assumption that it was temporary....that if I did more, waited for the right moment, or said all the right things, eventually it would get 'fixed' and things would naturally evolve into their rightful 50-50 division. I don't think that actually ever happens. A relationship with an uneven emotional investment likely started that way, and will probably remain that way forever. Showing interest in your problems/issues outside the relationship doesn't pass muster as emotional investment, if she's unwilling to deal with any kind of problem within the relationship. None of which is meant as a judgment on her or your character. Some folks are just wired different emotionally, and I dunno that you can change at that level....or if you should be asked to, but it sure sucks if you can connect on seemingly every level, but never bridge that last critical gap. It also sucks that it's just naturally more painful for the over-invested party.....it might be occasionally annoying to get more emotional investment than you want/give, but otherwise it's a pretty good deal for the party on the low end.

It seems like you've got a pretty good idea of the state of your relationship, and both of your characters...especially for someone in the midst of a breakup, except that it sounds like you're kicking around the idea that maybe there's a FIX for this in the future, and if you just hang around for a while, or give her some time, things will work out. I think you have to watch out for the 'after' period of this kind of passive-aggressive breakup, as it usually works out again in the favor of the less-invested party if you stay in that weird half-friends state that this kind of situation encourages. She's already established that she's not going to put enough into the relationship emotionally to satisfy you, and now that you're broken up, she doesn't have to....but you still might. It's easy to get caught up in the idea that there still might be something there, and easy for the over-invested party to continue pouring effort, and emotional support into the relationship, in the hopes of 'fixing' something, while the less invested party gets to still soak in support, while giving back even less than before.

You are being set-up to some degree (though not necessarily maliciously or even consciously), by the passive-aggressive breakup that you have taken responsibility for, saddled with a measure of guilt that doesn't belong to you, and set-up to continue, for the near future at least, taking emotional care of someone while they give you back even less than they gave before. As I said, I certainly don't know her, or you enough to be passing around any kind of blame (nor would I want to), and I hope I don't come out sounding like a woman-hater externalizing his own issues or anything, but you sound like you're pretty well on top of this, except for the fact that you're willing to take on the guilt for ending the relationship, which I don't think belongs to you, at least not in its entirety, and that would likely end up costing more time and sorrow than you deserve to pay. If nothing else, it might be nice to see the relationship ENDS on a 50-50 balance, so you don't end up paying more than your share of the emotional cost for the end as well.

Finally, and perhaps most critically: you should never take relationship advice from me.

[Ron Mexico]

The only emotional issues we couldn't address were the ones where she needed to make a change in her attitude or behavior. Those were the issues I knew would bring about the drama and stress that she feared. I had to tippytoe around those and keep my feelings submerged when her lack of action on a particular issue hit my sensitive spots.

It's hard. I kid you not, we both thought we were forever, even with these issues.

Just like ISiddiqui, I too have had plenty of experience with this exact relationship-- only difference is I didn't take heed of the warning signs and we did get married. As I write this, the processing for our divorce is nearly final (fortunately no children, etc which made the process slightly better).

While it has without question been one of the hardest experiences of my life, I can tell you without question it gets better from here and the effort you put into yourself and your own well-being now will pay off in spades as you move forward.

[DaddyTorgo]

Having been on both ends of this maneuver before, I think you have just been passive-aggressive dumped, even though you had to do all the emotional heavy lifting. If I understand the situation correctly, she arranged to move to another town, didn't want your help doing so, did so early, without telling you, and then immediately cut off contact when she got there. Mature folks in healthy relationships don't do that to each other. Both she and you may have convinced yourselves to kind of look around those facts as somehow unavoidable, but there's no excuse to going from daily contact to talking once every two weeks, without any explanation. The busiest person in the world can pick up a phone to talk to their SO within two weeks. She literally physically removed herself from the relationship, and then made you do all of the emotional work, and take the blame of the 'drama' and ending the relationship.
.

This. So this.

[Chief Rum]

sloppy, I hear ya, and much of your supposition is correct, but I am certain that wasn't what she was trying to do. She's always been very impulsive/aggressive with jumping on things she sees as being advantageous for her, such as an opportunity to head out earlier than she expected or to get her packing done in a night. I am not saying that isn't a problem, it is. But it isn't a passive-aggressive dump, it's a taking me for granted thing. And she has always allowed herself to get swallowed up in her work and get out of contact. This particularly happens when she's out of town. I have seen it before. I was just hoping that since the move to Vegas is more permanent, that she would act differently when it comes to communicating with me (since I'm not just right around the corner anymore).

Otherwise, though, I'm with you on the general direction this relationship was going and agree that it's the right thing to do to move on. It just sucks because I miss her a lot. I know that's natural, but it still completely sucks.

[ISiddiqui]

It is horrible to feel like you are being taken for granted in a relationship - as if your needs don't exist and you are just going to always be there, regardless of what she does or where she wants to go. You stop becoming a person and just someone who is there for her.

Sounds like you are dealing with it the right way, man. Keep moving forward!

[Solecismic]

So I signed up Plenty of Fish a few days ago, but I put myself down as 34. Lol... not sure if I will stick with that. I turn 40 in a month, but I look like I am at worst in my early 30s.

I don't mean to get on your case, but signing up for PoF before you even texted her that a 1 1/2-year relationship is over isn't right.

Yes, you have reason to break up with her. And if she's not in town and not picking up the phone and not putting in any effort, I think you're doing the right thing in ending it.

But when you're on a dating site, even if there are a lot of jerks who lie about their age and lie about everything else, you owe people the truth. There are plenty of fish out there who are completely honest, and every dishonest person they meet increases the likelihood they will leave online dating. Treat people like you want to be treated yourself.

[Chief Rum]

You dumped her by text?

Soory, MGB, I missed this before.

Yes, I dumped her by text. That certainly was not my preference, but that was part of the problem, her lack of communication. Before I sent the dump text at close to 10 p.m. at night, I had received her last texts telling me how she needed me to not bring her any drama at all ever if I was going to stay with her.

I sent several texts in the hour or two after her text, responding to her text and seeking a response. I also told her to call me, and I called her and it rang all the way through and to to VM. And even then I still waited three hours before I decided to send the dump text.

You see what I am getting it--even when it was clear we were having a serious conversation about our relationship, she still simply texted and was very much out of touch and not responding hardly at all or picking up her phone.

Really, dumping her by text was pretty much a spot on criticism for why it all happened in the first place.

[Chief Rum]

It is horrible to feel like you are being taken for granted in a relationship - as if your needs don't exist and you are just going to always be there, regardless of what she does or where she wants to go. You stop becoming a person and just someone who is there for her.

Sounds like you are dealing with it the right way, man. Keep moving forward!

Thanks, man. Yeah, it does suck in general, although I only minded because she extended it to stuff I felt she should respond to (my needs). When she was taking for granted that I would be there to support her in whatever she chose to do, she was right, and I was glad to do it. In general, I primarily wanted my girl to be happy and successful and feeling safe and supported, and I was fine to play that role. The issue were when I needed that same support myself and it wasn't coming.

[Chief Rum]

I don't mean to get on your case, but signing up for PoF before you even texted her that a 1 1/2-year relationship is over isn't right.

Yes, you have reason to break up with her. And if she's not in town and not picking up the phone and not putting in any effort, I think you're doing the right thing in ending it.

But when you're on a dating site, even if there are a lot of jerks who lie about their age and lie about everything else, you owe people the truth. There are plenty of fish out there who are completely honest, and every dishonest person they meet increases the likelihood they will leave online dating. Treat people like you want to be treated yourself.

Sorry, Jim, I should explain more there. We had an open relationship--with restrictions of course, we allowed each other to explore the physical side with others. That was her thing before she met me, and I was fine with it when we started dating (after some getting used to the concept).

She always encouraged me to sign up for dating sites and to go on dates and do whatever. Our "cheating" was if the love with others was emotional, instead of physical. That would be the same as actual infidelity in a normal relationship.

Strangely enough, despite the fact that we both talked openly about having an open relationship and exploring that approach to dating and love, neither of us actually did anything with it. I signed up for dating sites and had fun talking with girls. Never went on one date nor felt the desire to actually sleep with anyone besides my GF. And she, too, kept herself to me only, even though she also always said she was fine with stepping out a bit.

As for the lying about the age thing, part of that is how I view what I intend with the site. Keep in mind, POF is as much of a hook up site as it is a dating site. I don't think many people sign up for POF with the expectation they're going to meet the love of their life. I would never get in a serious relationship with someone who didn't know the complete truth about me.