Potentially epic thread (think fudged bank statement)

[Toddzilla]

Preface - which is almost always the preface in these kinds of stories, so just go with it. Had a hystrical conversation this morning with a co-worker and I thought "I know EXACTLY who to ask for advice". And so...

Andy (real name) is married, however he's trying to establish somewhat of an internet-based relationship with someone he went to high-school with. Huge crush. However Andy said he knew it would never be a starter if he introduced himself as Andy since she never liked him. So, he approaches her via Facebook as Alex, a friend-of-a-friend, and starts messaging her. The crush comes to like Alex and they take the next step to email where Andy send her pictures as Alex which are of some random guy from his facebook friends list she wouldn't know. Now she's escalating the relationship to Skype, and has been pestering him to cam up - so far it's only been voice. Andy is fucking busted ass if she sees him - she'll recognize him and it's over. I told him to just tell the truth, man, she's obviously let you in based on what you've said and who you are, sort of. He says no way, it would be a total nuclear bomb - and likely get back to his family which would be it. So what does he do now? I say stall forever.

tl;dr how do you mask your appearance on skype without looking like a sociopath?

[Lathum]

Umm, yeah, guy sounds like a creepy stalker scumbag who deserves to lose his family.

[Suburban Rhythm]

I'm no expert in this sort of thing (nor did I stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night), but how exactly did he expect this to pan out?

I mean, at some point, if he, as Andy, wants a relationship with her, he's got to be Andy, not Alex. Right?

[M GO BLUE!!!]

Dayum, people are stupid.

[Apathetic Lurker]

M.O.R.O.N. Thats about all I can say

[Honolulu_Blue]

This will not end well for Andy. While it's possible that the crush will be all "Oh, this Andy from high school? OMG!!! I would have never guessed. That was so cute how you pretended to be someone else. Oh, Andy... You so crazy", it's very, very unlikely.

Most likely, she'll feel hurt, creeped or weirded out or have some other kind of negative reaction to the big reveal. People don't like being lied to or deceived, especially on the internet, because, for whatever reason, people always seem to think its creepier when it's done on-line. Give the chances it gets back to his family and his wife, nuclear bomb, indeed.

Andy's got cut this off. If he was really serious about cheating on his wife with this girl - which is scummy to begin with - he really should have been honest upfront. Any sensible person would have foreseen the only realistic way this could end. Then again, Andy doesn't seem all that sensible.

Abort, Andy. Abort.

[fpres]

how do you mask your appearance on skype without looking like a sociopath?

Sorry, that ship has sailed.

[DaddyTorgo]

Umm, yeah, guy sounds like a creepy stalker scumbag who deserves to lose his family.


Ding Ding. Lathum wins.

[Suicane75]

Abort, Andy. Abort.

This would have appeared to be the best option.

[MacroGuru]

http://thisorthat.com/blog-images/favre-something-about-mary.jpg

Somehow I don't think Brett Favre will come in and save the day on this one..

[Chief Rum]

This guy started the relationship by lying. He's already lost.

[cartman]

He needs to create a 3rd persona that posts on Facebook that he can't believe that 'Alex' died in an accident. The then posts as himself, and messages the girl that he noticed her on "Alex's" friend list and was wondering if it was the same girl he knew in high school.

[RomaGoth]

He might be able to get out of this one if he fudges his bank statement.

[Toddzilla]

OMG, this is hysterical. I don't think of this guy as a creep, but, wow. I told him "the internet thinks you're a scumbag asshole" and he seemed hurl. hahaha

And a point of clarification: Andy's intention isn't to cheat on his wife or find this girl and fuck her. He just wants to be a "good friend". She lives in England or Ireland, so the logistcs don't pan out anyway.

[MacroGuru]

And a point of clarification: Andy's intention isn't to cheat on his wife or find this girl and fuck her. He just wants to be a "good friend". She lives in England or Ireland, so the logistcs don't pan out anyway.

Well, it's not cheating if its in different zip codes ;)

[Rizon]

Andyalex should get on Skype and appear as "Andy". If she freaks out, he should then play it off that "Andy" is "Alex'"s friend, and that Andyalex is actually Alex and not Andy (Andy got on Alex's skype), and Alex beat the crap out of Andy.

I think that would work.

[Matthean]

Hey, if I do something stupid, I wonder how well it will work out for me.

[albionmoonlight]

Real advice: What everyone else said. Abort. Go to counseling to see why you want to cheat on your family.

Advice based on what I actually want to see happen:

Ah, what the fuck. I say go all in.

Tell her that he's embarrassed because he sent her pictures from before his car accident. That he was horribly disfigured last year and that's why he's taken to on-line interactions because he is so self-conscious now about his appearance.

Then tell her that his interactions with her have been a life saver. That he is starting to learn to love himself again and to trust. And that he is willing to video with her. But not quite ready to show her his real face, which only he and his doctor have ever seen.

Then Skype with a goalie mask on.

If he convinces her that he can make love, but only in the pitch dark, then this thread will blow fudged bank statement out of the water.

[wade moore]

Umm, yeah, guy sounds like a creepy stalker scumbag who deserves to lose his family.

Lathum had this right from the jump.

OMG, this is hysterical. I don't think of this guy as a creep, but, wow. I told him "the internet thinks you're a scumbag asshole" and he seemed hurl. hahaha

And a point of clarification: Andy's intention isn't to cheat on his wife or find this girl and fuck her. He just wants to be a "good friend". She lives in England or Ireland, so the logistcs don't pan out anyway.

Nuh-uh, don't buy it. If you're going as far as creating fake personas, this isn't just to be chums. I'll repeat.

Umm, yeah, guy sounds like a creepy stalker scumbag who deserves to lose his family.

[Young Drachma]

There's no way this ends well. He has to hit the eject button.

[Matthean]

OMG, this is hysterical. I don't think of this guy as a creep, but, wow. I told him "the internet thinks you're a scumbag asshole" and he seemed hurl. hahaha

And a point of clarification: Andy's intention isn't to cheat on his wife or find this girl and fuck her. He just wants to be a "good friend". She lives in England or Ireland, so the logistcs don't pan out anyway.

I came up with the phrase "chasing fireworks" when I think of times where somebody(typically myself) builds something up in one's head far more than what it is in reality. He is absolutely doing this. He's chasing a reality that simply isn't there. It's simply not worth the emotional investment for the reward.

[Suburban Rhythm]

And a point of clarification: Andy's intention isn't to cheat on his wife or find this girl and fuck her. He just wants to be a "good friend". She lives in England or Ireland, so the logistcs don't pan out anyway.


Nuh-uh, don't buy it. If you're going as far as creating fake personas, this isn't just to be chums. I'll repeat.

Not that I'm going to condone cheating, but at least I can understand that.

Going through all this to be "internet friends" with a girl he liked in HS (how long ago are we talking here? Assuming at least 10 years) is actually creepier. He hasn't let go yet of some girl not liking him that long ago, and he's plan was to create a fake person in hopes of talking to her online, secretly enjoying that he's made contact with a girl who previously wouldn't give him the time of day? Yeah, that's more psycho that trying to cheat on your wife.

[M GO BLUE!!!]

He seemed hurl?

Rarely have I ever seemed a verb, but he is entitled to his own feelings.

[Kodos]

Real advice: What everyone else said. Abort. Go to counseling to see why you want to cheat on your family.

Advice based on what I actually want to see happen:

Ah, what the fuck. I say go all in.

Tell her that he's embarrassed because he sent her pictures from before his car accident. That he was horribly disfigured last year and that's why he's taken to on-line interactions because he is so self-conscious now about his appearance.

Then tell her that his interactions with her have been a life saver. That he is starting to learn to love himself again and to trust. And that he is willing to video with her. But not quite ready to show her his real face, which only he and his doctor have ever seen.

Then Skype with a goalie mask on.

If he convinces her that he can make love, but only in the pitch dark, then this thread will blow fudged bank statement out of the water.

Sound advice!:popcorn:

[M GO BLUE!!!]

Oh, and I vote that he has major plastic surgery to look as close to his friend as possible, then tells her he was missing due to recuperation from an accident. Then he can meet her & not seem creepy!

[Young Drachma]

This thread delivers.

[Ben E Lou]

....how exactly did he expect this to pan out?This.I mean, at some point, if he, as Andy, wants a relationship with her, he's got to be Andy, not Alex. Right?And this.Dayum, people are stupid.And this.M.O.R.O.N. Thats about all I can sayAnd this.



And finally.

Real advice: What everyone else said. Abort. Go to counseling to see why you want to cheat on your family.

Advice based on what I actually want to see happen:

Ah, what the fuck. I say go all in.

Tell her that he's embarrassed because he sent her pictures from before his car accident. That he was horribly disfigured last year and that's why he's taken to on-line interactions because he is so self-conscious now about his appearance.

Then tell her that his interactions with her have been a life saver. That he is starting to learn to love himself again and to trust. And that he is willing to video with her. But not quite ready to show her his real face, which only he and his doctor have ever seen.

Then Skype with a goalie mask on.

If he convinces her that he can make love, but only in the pitch dark, then this thread will blow fudged bank statement out of the water.That's it. Albion wins the interwebz.

[Schmidty]

He's a pile of shit who doesn't deserve a family. Loyalty (emotionally also) is the most important thing as far as I'm concerned. He already let that ship sail. I hope he gets caught by his wife, for her sake. Otherwise she'll be living with a cheating, scheming, disloyal lying prick for the rest of her life.

[M GO BLUE!!!]

...and I wish I had read more than the first line of Albion's post.

[JediKooter]

Ok, I think I can help Andy...Alex...whatever his name is...

Not sure if this will work since, he already doesn't sound like the smartest vegetable in the bunch. So when it comes time for the big reveal, all he has to say is, that he was in an accident and he had to have a bunch of plastic surgery and that's why he looks different. Now that won't help too much if Alex is black and Andy is white, but, it would make for a mediocre 80s movie staring Rae Dawn Chong.

[Fidatelo]

Could he convince this girl that he traded faces with Andy, a la Face/Off? So even though he looks like Andy, he really is Alex, and even better he's a fucking FBI special agent! At this point he could stick straight to the plot or just make up whatever history he wants behind the Alex/Andy face switch, depending on which one he thinks will make her do nastier things over Skype.

[Chief Rum]

Right now, I am picturing Alex/Andy looking like Chandler Bing in that episode of Friends where the girls are overreacting to something stupid he said, where he suddenly reaches behind his back and freaks out, "What?!? No parachute?!?"

Yeah.

[Toddzilla]

http://www.funnyforumpics.com/forums/This-Thread-Delivers/1/thread-delivers.jpg

[Doug5984]

:popcorn:

[Matthean]

I told him "the internet thinks you're a scumbag asshole" and he seemed hurl.

Imagine how she's going to feel after she finds out who he is.

[Ksyrup]

What Would Kyle Do?

http://i95.photobucket.com/albums/l146/mon_montrose/03/gender-identification-fail-boobs-beard.jpg

[SteveMax58]

Hmm....where have I seen this before?


http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-HmcpgoAtjYw/TfSoMGjAKDI/AAAAAAAAAls/XwlN-K7rjbE/s320/steve.bmp

[Doug5984]

Is Alex cockier, and funnier than Andy? That's probably why she likes Alex, but not Andy.

[JediKooter]

Is Alex cockier, and funnier than Andy? That's probably why she likes Alex, but not Andy.

I don't know. This Andy is pretty charming:

[MJ4H]

What Would Kyle Do?

http://i95.photobucket.com/albums/l146/mon_montrose/03/gender-identification-fail-boobs-beard.jpg

what in the living hell is that

[Ksyrup]

I don't know. I saw it on another board yesterday, and the Longhorns clock caught my eye. Seemed like the appropriate time/place to post it here.

[JPhillips]

Alex needs to become a hardcore Moonie. Have him swear of his family, move to Korea and marry a stranger in a mass wedding. Andy, in his charitable spare time, works with families and friends of people brainwashed into cults. Andy went through the internet history of Alex and found this girl's messages. Andy gets in touch with her to tell her about Alex and the Moonies. Only after seeing her does Andy remember this girl from highschool. Andy can now talk to her as long as he wishes while being able to terminate the relationship due to a serious cult intervention mission.

[RomaGoth]

what in the living hell is that

Brangelina?

[Ksyrup]

And a point of clarification: Andy's intention isn't to cheat on his wife or find this girl and fuck her. He just wants to be a "good friend". She lives in England or Ireland, so the logistcs don't pan out anyway.

Unless there's some sort of unresolved rejection thing he is compelled to follow through with, and she's not the only person he's fixated on for that purpose, it seems to me that he's either consciously or subconsiously attempting to establish the relationship with her he never got to in the first place. And that is to be more than friends.

The other thing is, although his intention isn't to cheat on his wife, I wonder what he thinks she would think of someone going through the ridiculous charade he is going through, simply to befriend an old crush.

Why couldn't he just do what the rest of us did on FB with people we either barely knew or weren't the best of friends with - friend them and never really follow-up with them again? Surely she would acept his friend request. And if not, no amount of lying about who he is and then springing the truth on her was going to change that. It seems bizarre that he thought otherwise.

[RomaGoth]

Unless there's some sort of unresolved rejection thing he is compelled to follow through with, and she's not the only person he's fixated on for that purpose, it seems to me that he's either consciously or subconsiously attempting to establish the relationship with her he never got to in the first place. And that is to be more than friends.

The other thing is, although his intention isn't to cheat on his wife, I wonder what he thinks she would think of someone going through the ridiculous charade he is going through, simply to befriend an old crush.

Why couldn't he just do what the rest of us did on FB with people we either barely knew or weren't the best of friends with - friend them and never really follow-up with them again? Surely she would acept his friend request. And if not, no amount of lying about who he is and then springing the truth on her was going to change that. It seems bizarre that he thought otherwise.

How dare you come in here and use common sense?

[Izulde]

No intention to cheat on his wife? Bullshit. He wants to tap that so hard pygmy tribes in some unknown region will hear it.

[BrianD]

It sounds to me like the guy wants the option. He may not do anything about it, but having his old crush be into him enough to give the option of cheating will probably be seen as some kind of "win". He is either way too hung up on lack of popularity in the past, or he and his wife are missing something and he is looking to fill a hole (pun slightly intended).

[Matthean]

Unless there's some sort of unresolved rejection thing he is compelled to follow through with, and she's not the only person he's fixated on for that purpose, it seems to me that he's either consciously or subconsiously attempting to establish the relationship with her he never got to in the first place. And that is to be more than friends.

The other thing is, although his intention isn't to cheat on his wife, I wonder what he thinks she would think of someone going through the ridiculous charade he is going through, simply to befriend an old crush.

Why couldn't he just do what the rest of us did on FB with people we either barely knew or weren't the best of friends with - friend them and never really follow-up with them again? Surely she would acept his friend request. And if not, no amount of lying about who he is and then springing the truth on her was going to change that. It seems bizarre that he thought otherwise.

While I totally agree with what you wrote, he is emotionally cheating on his wife. I have done the whole "I just want to be friends" thing. I ended up having to admit I wanted more. Once a woman figures out what's going on, they are gone.

[mckerney]

tl;dr how do you mask your appearance on skype without looking like a sociopath?

<iframe src="http://player.vimeo.com/video/29348533?title=0&amp;byline=0&amp;portrait=0" width="400" height="225" frameborder="0" webkitAllowFullScreen allowFullScreen></iframe><p><a href="http://vimeo.com/29348533">Face Substitution</a> from <a href="http://vimeo.com/kylemcdonald">Kyle McDonald</a> on <a href="http://vimeo.com">Vimeo</a>.</p>

[Ksyrup]

While I totally agree with what you wrote, he is emotionally cheating on his wife. I have done the whole "I just want to be friends" thing. I ended up having to admit I wanted more. Once a woman figures out what's going on, they are gone.

I agree, and that's why I posed the question from his wife's point of view. He's kidding himself if he doesn't think he wants to cheat and/or she wouldn't consider it cheating.

[Logan]

JimmyWint LAUGHS at the supposed greatness in this thread.

[JediKooter]

Sounds like you're saying this thread has jumped the shark.

[Rizon]

Sounds like you're saying this thread has jumped the shark.

Nah, but it is ready to be turned into a Lifetime movie.

[stevew]

Depending on how he introduced himself, a skilled liar could easily reveal that he decided to go by Alex(instead of Andy) and prey on the fog of war since it's been awhile since HS.

That being said, his best bet is to call 1-888-45-Maury

[JediKooter]

Nah, but it is ready to be turned into a Lifetime movie.

Tonight at 9! "My Mind Was in Love With Another Woman"

[Toddzilla]

I like the fake Alex's death route. That way maybe he can get the girl to come to the funeral - which he'd have to fake as well - and he could see her irl.

[JediKooter]

I like the fake Alex's death route. That way maybe he can get the girl to come to the funeral - which he'd have to fake as well - and he could see her irl.

This would be awesome if the woman's name was Fawn Liebowitz.

[Pumpy Tudors]

I don't know. I saw it on another board yesterday, and the Longhorns clock caught my eye. Seemed like the appropriate time/place to post it here.
In that picture, it was the clock that caught your eye?

[Ksyrup]

Yes. I've seen enough Yankees playoff games that bearded titted she-men are not all that uncommon.

[Pumpy Tudors]

brutal

[JediKooter]

Yes. I've seen enough Yankees playoff games that bearded titted she-men are not all that uncommon.

And that is why you don't go swimming in the Hudson.

[Logan]

And that is why you don't go swimming in the Hudson.

You're right, A-Rod was much better off with Cameron Diaz.

[JediKooter]

You're right, A-Rod was much better off with Cameron Diaz.

YES!!

So glad I was not taking a drink of something when I read that.

[Toddzilla]

This would be awesome if the woman's name was Fawn Liebowitz.So. Much. WIN.

[EagleFan]

This thread has awsome potential, especially if albion's advice is followed (the entertaining for us advice).

[saldana]

sorry if this guy is a friend of yours Todd, but he is a special kind of piece of shit...if i could, i would light him on fire and then wouldnt even bother to piss on him to put it out.

people like him dont deserve to have a wife, or a family...what he is doing is 100 times worse than getting drunk at a bar and banging some complete stranger because he is consciously making a decision to put someone else above his wife

i would kill him where he stands without a second of hesitation

(and yes, that might be a bit extreme, but i have a rather unique perspective on this particular type of fucking asshattery)

[Matthean]

I would be curious to see how he answers to if he thinks either the woman, or his wife thinks it's ok for him to do this. If it's no on either account, he needs to stop. If he says yes, he's delusional about what's going on.

[Toddzilla]

cool, my brothers. Laying it all out tomorrow.

[Rizon]

I don't know why he didn't just use Ashley Madison.

[tarcone]

What did he do to his "crush" in HS that makes him think she wouldnt give him the time of day if he came as himself? I mean right off the bat he has to lie to be her friend. He must have done something horrific to that woman, esp. if she had to move to Europe.

[Desnudo]

Advanced planning is obviuosly not this guy's forte.

He's screwed anyway. HIs lying ass trail is out on the internet. Someone will figure it out eventually.

Really his only (honorable) way out is to fake his own death so his family gets the life insurance and then join the peace corps as "Alex" giving him an out with the facebook girl.

[Mustang]

Could Morgan Freeman narrate this thread?

I wish I could tell you that Andy fought the good fight, and that his crush let him be. I wish I could tell you that - but the internet is no fairy-tale world. He never said who did it, but we all knew. Things went on like that for awhile - the internet life consists of routine, and then more routine. Every so often, Andy would show up with fresh emails....

[Young Drachma]

Wow, this thread should be up for a Golden Scribe in the best ensemble category.

[Swaggs]

He should watch the movie Catfish (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Catfish_(film)).

[Suicane75]

What did he do to his "crush" in HS that makes him think she wouldnt give him the time of day if he came as himself? I mean right off the bat he has to lie to be her friend. He must have done something horrific to that woman, esp. if she had to move to Europe.

He probably pretended to be sick during gym class and then snuck into the girls locker room and stole her panties. Likely wasn't even going after her panties but just had to settle for the ones in lockers that hadn't been locked. Then he was likely so worried that he'd get caught with them that he put them in a ziploc bag and then in an empty trapper keeper that he bought exactly for this occasion and then taped it under the sink in the boys bathroom and waited till detention was just about done to retrieve it and stuffed it in his backpack and sweated his way to the late bus and didn't truly feel relief till he was off the bus and walking into his house. He probably worshiped those panties too. Most likely sniffed the hell out of them while he watched a tape he had made of Paula Abdul on Friday Night Videos that had the Cold Hearted video on a loop that ran 2 hours straight.

If I had to guess.

[Shkspr]

I think that clearly what needs to happen is that Andy needs to take every personal scrap of information "Alex" has talked to this girl about and work them into a series of backdated blog posts over the last five years or so under Andy's name along with lots of other information about Andy's life. There should also be a single blog post about the girl, dated from several years ago, where Andy briefly takes about how cool the girl was and he sometimes wishes they had been friends.

Then, as Officer Alan, he needs to e-mail the girl asking if she has had any contact with someone identifying himself as "Alex". Officer Alan should explain that he is working on a bizarre identity theft case where the perp does deep research on a target by reading his old blog postings and using other sophisticated social engineering techniques, and then becomes this personality on the web. The perp in this case? The guy in the random facebook picture. Officer Alan should explain that is is very important to cut off all contact with "Alex" because the loop is tightening, but he should casually mention the blog that "Alex" was stealing all his personality traits from, and note in a hyperlink that "Alex" probably got the idea to target her from Andy's blog. Officer Alan should note that Andy seems like a pretty solid guy and that as victims of the same random Internet creep, they should chat and compare notes.

All Andy has to do for the next fifty years is alter his conversational and writing style so as to be unrecognizable as "Alex".

[RomaGoth]

I don't know why he didn't just use Ashley Madison.

How do we know he didn't?

[dave731]

I think that clearly what needs to happen is that Andy needs to take every personal scrap of information "Alex" has talked to this girl about and work them into a series of backdated blog posts over the last five years or so under Andy's name along with lots of other information about Andy's life. There should also be a single blog post about the girl, dated from several years ago, where Andy briefly takes about how cool the girl was and he sometimes wishes they had been friends.

Then, as Officer Alan, he needs to e-mail the girl asking if she has had any contact with someone identifying himself as "Alex". Officer Alan should explain that he is working on a bizarre identity theft case where the perp does deep research on a target by reading his old blog postings and using other sophisticated social engineering techniques, and then becomes this personality on the web. The perp in this case? The guy in the random facebook picture. Officer Alan should explain that is is very important to cut off all contact with "Alex" because the loop is tightening, but he should casually mention the blog that "Alex" was stealing all his personality traits from, and note in a hyperlink that "Alex" probably got the idea to target her from Andy's blog. Officer Alan should note that Andy seems like a pretty solid guy and that as victims of the same random Internet creep, they should chat and compare notes.

All Andy has to do for the next fifty years is alter his conversational and writing style so as to be unrecognizable as "Alex".
This has my vote!

[Rizon]

How do we know he didn't?

We should probably get fake accounts and find out!

[CU Tiger]

He just wants to get some pics to see what he never saw.
If he hadn't went the someone else's pics route he could have simply said he started going by Alex years ago since Andy was so immature and reminded him of his childish ways.

Or he should just ask for sex, if she says no, ask for BJ, if she says no, ask for teh butt seks, if she still says no this chick is not for him.

[Radii]

Or he should just ask for sex, if she says no, ask for BJ, if she says no, ask for teh butt seks, if she still says no this chick is not for him.


Wait how many women are out there who say no to the first two but then when you go for anal you're in??

[MacroGuru]

Wait how many women are out there who say no to the first two but then when you go for anal you're in??

It's not cheating if it's in da butt.....

[Suburban Rhythm]

sorry if this guy is a friend of yours Todd, but he is a special kind of piece of shit...if i could, i would light him on fire and then wouldnt even bother to piss on him to put it out.

people like him dont deserve to have a wife, or a family...what he is doing is 100 times worse than getting drunk at a bar and banging some complete stranger because he is consciously making a decision to put someone else above his wife

i would kill him where he stands without a second of hesitation

(and yes, that might be a bit extreme, but i have a rather unique perspective on this particular type of fucking asshattery)

Anyone else read this and think "What did Lathum do!?!"

[JimmyWint]

He actually has a slight window of opportunity this weekend. All he needs to do is costume up for Halloween and skype. Perhaps wear an Iron Man costume or something that will cover his face. Then after the encounter he can respectfully say that she is just not his type and never talk to her again. After that he can seek professional help!

[MrBug708]

Hi Jimmy Wint

[SteveMax58]

:popcorn:

[kingfc22]

How can FOFC give proper advice without pics of this girl.

I demand a Hot or Not for the long lost high school crush.

[Passacaglia]

He actually has a slight window of opportunity this weekend. All he needs to do is costume up for Halloween and skype. Perhaps wear an Iron Man costume or something that will cover his face. Then after the encounter he can respectfully say that she is just not his type and never talk to her again. After that he can seek professional help!

Okay, NOW it's epic.

[Lathum]

Okay, NOW it's epic.

holy crap!

[PilotMan]

Alex is the name of Andy's dick. So the solution is just to Skype with a big picture of Andy Dick on the camera. She'll laugh at how clever he is, and then invite him over for teh butt seks.

[Logan]

JimmyCame and JimmyWint and JimmyCame!

[Suburban Rhythm]

This photo best illustrates my state of mind after JimmyWint posting in this thread. I can't really put it into words.

http://klingpost.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/08/114.jpg

[RomaGoth]

He actually has a slight window of opportunity this weekend. All he needs to do is costume up for Halloween and skype. Perhaps wear an Iron Man costume or something that will cover his face. Then after the encounter he can respectfully say that she is just not his type and never talk to her again. After that he can seek professional help!

awesome

[Rizon]

JimmyWint for President of teh Internets!

[JediKooter]

I love the smell of a good thread in the morning...

[MacroGuru]

Jimmy just napalmed this bitch....

[JediKooter]

Andy don't surf...

[sterlingice]

He actually has a slight window of opportunity this weekend. All he needs to do is costume up for Halloween and skype. Perhaps wear an Iron Man costume or something that will cover his face. Then after the encounter he can respectfully say that she is just not his type and never talk to her again. After that he can seek professional help!

:D

SI

[sterlingice]

Posts in this thread that have not gotten enough love:

He needs to create a 3rd persona that posts on Facebook that he can't believe that 'Alex' died in an accident. The then posts as himself, and messages the girl that he noticed her on "Alex's" friend list and was wondering if it was the same girl he knew in high school.

Could he convince this girl that he traded faces with Andy, a la Face/Off? So even though he looks like Andy, he really is Alex, and even better he's a fucking FBI special agent! At this point he could stick straight to the plot or just make up whatever history he wants behind the Alex/Andy face switch, depending on which one he thinks will make her do nastier things over Skype.

Alex needs to become a hardcore Moonie. Have him swear of his family, move to Korea and marry a stranger in a mass wedding. Andy, in his charitable spare time, works with families and friends of people brainwashed into cults. Andy went through the internet history of Alex and found this girl's messages. Andy gets in touch with her to tell her about Alex and the Moonies. Only after seeing her does Andy remember this girl from highschool. Andy can now talk to her as long as he wishes while being able to terminate the relationship due to a serious cult intervention mission.

I think that clearly what needs to happen is that Andy needs to take every personal scrap of information "Alex" has talked to this girl about and work them into a series of backdated blog posts over the last five years or so under Andy's name along with lots of other information about Andy's life. There should also be a single blog post about the girl, dated from several years ago, where Andy briefly takes about how cool the girl was and he sometimes wishes they had been friends.

Then, as Officer Alan, he needs to e-mail the girl asking if she has had any contact with someone identifying himself as "Alex". Officer Alan should explain that he is working on a bizarre identity theft case where the perp does deep research on a target by reading his old blog postings and using other sophisticated social engineering techniques, and then becomes this personality on the web. The perp in this case? The guy in the random facebook picture. Officer Alan should explain that is is very important to cut off all contact with "Alex" because the loop is tightening, but he should casually mention the blog that "Alex" was stealing all his personality traits from, and note in a hyperlink that "Alex" probably got the idea to target her from Andy's blog. Officer Alan should note that Andy seems like a pretty solid guy and that as victims of the same random Internet creep, they should chat and compare notes.

All Andy has to do for the next fifty years is alter his conversational and writing style so as to be unrecognizable as "Alex".

I mean, all I can say after that is:

PRIESTBOT "We are gathered here to mourn the death of Calculon; Industrialist, private eye, friend."
CALCULON "Mind if I give the eulogy?"
MONIQUE {gasps} "Calculon! You're alive!"

SI

[EagleFan]

I seriously shouldn't have been reading this thread at my desk. Got some strange looks from a spontaneous uncontained laugh. :)

[EagleFan]

Oh, and just two pages in this thread is already epic.

[Maple Leafs]

So nobody else is going to reach the obvious conclusion that "Andy" is actually an actor, hired by someone from Toddzilla's past to befriend him, tell him this ridiculous story and then gauge his reaction before eventually revealing themselves and declaring their love?

[Chief Rum]

So nobody else is going to reach the obvious conclusion that "Andy" is actually an actor, hired by someone from Toddzilla's past to befriend him, tell him this ridiculous story and then gauge his reaction before eventually revealing themselves and declaring their love?

If so, then maybe Toddzilla is an accomplice and we just got...



http://www.bsckids.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/01/ashton-kutcher-punkd.jpg

[Chief Rum]

(I felt this thread needed more throwup)

[Chief Rum]

(Oh wait, I mean hurl)

[Toddzilla]

Hey, I'm not gonna say no to some quality man-on-man love, but if it's via nefarious means, well, a guy's gotta draw the line somewhere.

[Glengoyne]

So nobody else is going to reach the obvious conclusion that "Andy" is actually an actor, hired by someone from Toddzilla's past to befriend him, tell him this ridiculous story and then gauge his reaction before eventually revealing themselves and declaring their love?

I'm just surprised we haven't all turned on Toddzilla, and declared that he is in fact "Andy".

[PilotMan]

I'm just surprised we haven't all turned on Toddzilla, and declared that he is in fact "Andy".

Alright, I officially declare this area....


http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-7QYuvs9fqjI/TZnEcNwmpuI/AAAAAAAACxo/tDiX8Lc1Zls/s1600/exploding-head.gif

[Chief Rum]

I'm just surprised we haven't all turned on Toddzilla, and declared that he is in fact "Andy".



THOUGHT ===============>>

---MIND---

[Lathum]

I'm just surprised we haven't all turned on Toddzilla, and declared that he is in fact "Andy".

I thought that as well

[RomaGoth]

I'm just surprised we haven't all turned on Toddzilla, and declared that he is in fact "Andy".

Wait, I thought his name was Alex? :confused:

[sterlingice]

(warning: thread necromancy)

While everyone's busy talking up the "How to fudge a bank statement" thread, I don't think we ever got closure here either.

We need something like a "Dear Abby" column with impossible situations that the FOFC commentariat try to get the poster out of. Some can be wild and outlandish, some are just crack smart solutions, and others have solutions that are, well, not bound by the same moral code that most people live by.

SI

[stevew]

“Alex” needed to start pushing an MLM on her and then Andy needed to hit her up out of the blue and ask if she’s sick of Alex’s bullshit.

[Glengoyne]

Now this is funny. I got a genuine LOL from nine years ago me.

This is actually not the first time I've read an old post on this forum, and thought "Damn that's a good point, who posted that?"..."oh"