Dealing with a cult

[LastWhiteSoxFanStanding]

Somebody very close to me has joined a cult. I don't have time to get into all the details, but I have been to some of the meetings and got an uneasy feeling plus there are a couple of unflattering articles about this group.

http://www.nypost.com/pagesixmag/issues/20100211/Monk+y+Business+Controversial+NYC+guru+Michael+Roach

Bad Karma News: "Lama" Christie McNally's Personal Biography (http://badkarmanews.blogspot.com/2010/05/lama-christie-mcnallys-personal.html)http://badkarmanews.blogspot.com/2010/05/lama-christie-mcnallys-personal.html

The cult pushes the idea that the lamas (teachers) are infallible. My friend at times has expressed reservations if they really are and sometimes talks about how she doesnt want to go to the meetings. Nevertheless, I know she has bought plane tickets for her lamas and has given out her car to them which they have used for months at a time.

My question is this: Has anybody met someone who was in a cult and successfully gotten them to leave it?

When I went to the meetings, I told her that I respect her religion (even though I don't) but that it wasn't for me, but I would go to future meetings if she wanted me to. I don't want to express my true feelings yet for fear of pushing her away or having her tell her lamas who might tell her to cut off all contact with me. On the other hand, I don't know how much longer I can let this go on.

Any comments would be appreciated.

[spleen1015]

I have always believed that honesty is your best ally. You never get any where by holding back the truth.

[Rizon]

When I was a kid my friend down the street's mom took his sister and left his dad to join a cult in Oregon. That was maybe 20+ years ago. I added her as a friend on Facebook last year, so I guess she made it out (I haven't brought it up).

[JediKooter]

It's an emotional attachment, not a logical one, so getting through to that person, will be slim and none. It's like a drug addict, they have to want to get out of it or something will happen where they see something inside that organization that opens their eyes and makes them realize that it isn't what was promised.

I'm sure there's some resources out there on what you can try to do, but, either way, it's going to take a lot of patience on your part.

[LastWhiteSoxFanStanding]

I definitely think it is an emotional attachment too. Everything I have read is to be patient and to point out things but in a more positive way. So after every talk instead of saying, boy that made no sense whatsoever, I will instead say I didn't quite understand what he was getting at, can you explain it to me.

It is hard being patient, but apparently that is the best course of action.

[Drake]

I was almost 100% certain this thread was going to be about Mormons.

Then I remembered that the rest of the internet doesn't live in Indiana.

[JPhillips]

Don't use the resources from the Cult Awareness Network. The Scientologists run it.

[cody8200]

I was almost 100% certain this thread was going to be about Mormons.

Then I remembered that the rest of the internet doesn't live in Indiana.

?? I've never known Hoosiers to be any more intolerant of Mormons compared to any other state's citizens. Some people are fine with it - others aren't. That's a pretty nationwide view. I saw a Gallup poll a while ago that 20% of voters across the 50 states would not be willing to vote for a Mormon. The same poll said 5% would oppose voting for a black person. There are assholes everywhere.

[JediKooter]

I definitely think it is an emotional attachment too. Everything I have read is to be patient and to point out things but in a more positive way. So after every talk instead of saying, boy that made no sense whatsoever, I will instead say I didn't quite understand what he was getting at, can you explain it to me.

It is hard being patient, but apparently that is the best course of action.

From what I've read and the documentaries that I've seen, patience is the number 1 attribute for the friends and family of someone in a cult. If you try and force them, they will remove themselves further and further away from you. It's a hard pill to swallow, especially if they are an adult and free to make their own choices.

I'm sorry to hear this man, hopefully something will trigger them into wanting to distance themselves from this cult as soon as possible.

[Matthean]

I was almost 100% certain this thread was going to be about Mormons.

Then I remembered that the rest of the internet doesn't live in Indiana.

Utah is where the bulk of Mormons are from.

[DougW]

Damn, I'm really sorry to hear this. You have a few things going against you, and really nothing going for you.

The patience points are certainly valid - but on the other hand, can be exactly OPPOSITE the 'medicine' needed to help your friend. Because, the truth is .. the longer she hangs around, it is likely, the deeper she will be in.

I have family members that are 'stuck', and a couple who have admitted to me, they know it. But they don't have the courage to do anything about it :(. Sadly, they've secluded themselves from the rest of the world, so 'getting out' means totally walking away from everything. (Job, friends, spouses, children, nearly all other family members, etc.) Doubly sadly, they are raising children who will no doubt grow up 'stuck' in the same situation.

Since it's a new situation, I think if it were me, I would try to act now. I agree that it's an emotional attatchment, and not a spiritual one. For that reason, I don't think I'd attack the issue head on. What's the point in trying to break down it's beliefs or whatever, if that isn't the core problem anyway ? I would just avoid even talking about it whenever possible, and quick subject change if she brings it up (without being too obvious that is your intention).

I think I would sink as much time into interacting with my friend as possible (planning events, whatever is neccessary). I would recruit other friends and her family members to do the same. Get everyone on the same page, and build a team of people determined to help her. Even coordinate, if possible, so that you can maximize the time you keep her away. Hopefully, you guys could give her the emotional satisfaction she is seeking from the cult. Hopefully, you could sustain it long enough that she 'loses interest'.

[Ksyrup]

Not asking you to reveal anything, but what is this "friend" to you? Reason I ask is - what kind of other support does she have, if any? I don't know what the relationships or the dynamics are, but I would try to coordinate your efforts with others.

[LastWhiteSoxFanStanding]

Yeah, I think that is something I am going to do. She does have a decent support group and would be a good idea to bounce ideas off of them on how we can help her out in a non confrontational way.

[Grover]

What a seriously creepy looking dude.

[DaddyTorgo]

You should prolly get one of them cult-intervention peeps to fix her.