Need advice, insight... Putting my Grandmother in a care home.

[chinaski]

I'll try and keep this as short as possible. I've been taking care of my grandmother, in my home, for the last 6 years. She's 97, with (now) advanced alzheimer's. It's gotten to the point where I cannot care adequately for her. It's bad, and I'm starting to lose my mind. Taking care of someone in this state 24/7 is a huge drain on me mentally and its even starting to effect my health. Stressed. So, now I'm faced with the ever complicated and extremely expensive option of putting her in a care home.

Anyone have advice on doing so? I started to research this years ago when my grandfather had alzheimer's, but he passed before he needed to go to a home. There's also a bit of money involved in this (~50k), which my grandmother wanted me to have when she passed, but if I put her into a home now, that money has to be used to pay for her care. At least, as far as I understand. Medicaid won't cover any costs until she is roughly broke. Anyone know if that is concretely correct? Also, am I being selfish for even worrying about the money? I keep going back and forth on this. I've been paying for her care, food, ie everything, (and grandpas when he was alive) for over 6 years. I feel somewhat entitled to receive some compensation and I also think care homes are obscenely overpriced and prey on situations like this.

Any advice, ideas or where to find the best adult diaper is very appreciated. Thanks for reading!

[Matthean]

Use the so called compensation to put her into a home so you get some sort of life back.

[DaddyTorgo]

Can't she gift you the money now or put it into a trust or something so that it won't be held against whatever sort of Medicaid payment you'd get?

[chinaski]

Can't she gift you the money now or put it into a trust or something so that it won't be held against whatever sort of Medicaid payment you'd get?

No, the government won't allow gifting of money. There are really strange laws as what can be done with the money. She can buy a car, limited amount of clothes, and furniture. The car isn't possible since she can't drive and 50k in furniture would definitely be a red flag. They really watch this stuff closely and im afraid i'll lose my home and/or end up in jail if I don't do things exactly by the book.

Really sucks to think you can work hard your entire life to accumulate some sort of wealth, only to have it all taken away at the end of it.

[rowech]

No, the government won't allow gifting of money. There are really strange laws as what can be done with the money. She can buy a car, limited amount of clothes, and furniture. The car isn't possible since she can't drive and 50k in furniture would definitely be a red flag. They really watch this stuff closely and im afraid i'll lose my home and/or end up in jail if I don't do things exactly by the book.

Really sucks to think you can work hard your entire life to accumulate some sort of wealth, only to have it all taken away at the end of it.

That's not true. She can gift you I believe 10k before the end of the year and then on January 1, she can gift you 10k more

[Suburban Rhythm]

She can gift you $13,000 in December, and another $13,000 in January, tax free.

If there's another family member helping here, $26k each over the next 30 days handles that entire amount.

[Suburban Rhythm]

DOLA Rowech beat me, but point remains.

2012 limit is $13k.

[rowech]

DOLA Rowech beat me, but point remains.

2012 limit is $13k.

You're right. It is 13k.

[DaddyTorgo]

Yep. Take advantage of that gifting man. Gotta do it before the end of the year though!

[RainMaker]

Shouldn't she be able to get into hospice under Medicare? My Grandma became sick months ago and Medicare covered all those expenses. When she was at home, they'd send out people to help bathe, feed, and rehab her. She eventually went to the hospital and stayed in their hospice unit until she passed.

http://www.medicare.gov/publications/pubs/pdf/hosplg.pdf

I would contact her doctor and talk to him/her about getting her in hospice care. It seems like she doesn't need assisted living, she needs end of life services.

Another option too is that there is a way for you to pay yourself for being her caretaker. I'd talk to an accountant about it but essentially you can pay yourself say $20k for the last year for her treatment.

Sorry about your situation. We went through it a short while back and it's incredibly stressful and sad.

[chinaski]

That's not true. She can gift you I believe 10k before the end of the year and then on January 1, she can gift you 10k more

I think i'll meet with an elder law attorney this week to make sure of this. I'm pretty sure things change quite a bit when someone is towards the end of their life, in regards to the gifting of money. Medicaid looks back five years from the point of them getting assistance, and if there are any gifts like this, i'll get hit for conversion of funds, aka fraud. Nasty stuff.

Very much appreciate the feedback!

[chinaski]

Shouldn't she be able to get into hospice under Medicare? My Grandma became sick months ago and Medicare covered all those expenses. When she was at home, they'd send out people to help bathe, feed, and rehab her. She eventually went to the hospital and stayed in their hospice unit until she passed.

http://www.medicare.gov/publications/pubs/pdf/hosplg.pdf

I would contact her doctor and talk to him/her about getting her in hospice care. It seems like she doesn't need assisted living, she needs end of life services.

Another option too is that there is a way for you to pay yourself for being her caretaker. I'd talk to an accountant about it but essentially you can pay yourself say $20k for the last year for her treatment.

Sorry about your situation. We went through it a short while back and it's incredibly stressful and sad.


I tried around 9 months ago and, i thought this was funny, she weighed too much! 5 feet and 92 pounds. Weighs too much. guh. Hospice is a tricky one to get when its alzheimer's. Without a serious health issue, there's really no way to tell how long she'll live. She actually quite healthy, outside of this crippling brain disease.

I've thought about becoming an official caretaker for her and pay myself, but at the time, it seemed like more trouble than it was worth. It's definitely something I should pursue now, at least for this past year.

Thanks much.

[rowech]

I think i'll meet with an elder law attorney this week to make sure of this. I'm pretty sure things change quite a bit when someone is towards the end of their life, in regards to the gifting of money. Medicaid looks back five years from the point of them getting assistance, and if there are any gifts like this, i'll get hit for conversion of funds, aka fraud. Nasty stuff.

Very much appreciate the feedback!

Nope. Only way is if she goes over 13000. Then they can come after you.

[stevew]

There's no way you can provide any care receipts for the past few years?

[rowech]

Strike that. It looks like ther is a lifetime giveaway of 100k. You're clear.

[stevew]

Nope. Only way is if she goes over 13000. Then they can come after you.

I'd still talk to a lawyer. It gets wonky towards end of life.

[rowech]

Estate planning: Best ways to give money now (http://money.cnn.com/magazines/moneymag/money101/lesson21/index7.htm)

[chinaski]

Estate planning: Best ways to give money now (http://money.cnn.com/magazines/moneymag/money101/lesson21/index7.htm)

Good read, just wish it covered end of life/medicaid. From what i've read so far, everything over 248$ a month in gifts has to be reported when applying for medicaid. That goes back for 5 years of the application date.

Also, I have power of attorney, which further complicates the gifting laws. This is aggravatingly complicated.

Thanks rowech!

[stevew]

you need to read oregon specific laws. It's probably possible for you to gain as much reimbursement as you're entitled to, but I think you'll need to talk to an attorney first.

[chinaski]

you need to read oregon specific laws. It's probably possible for you to gain as much reimbursement as you're entitled to, but I think you'll need to talk to an attorney first.

Yeah, for sure. The laws can be completely different from state to state. Looking for an attorney right now.

[stevew]

http://www.oregon.gov/dhs/spwpd/sua/docs/elder-law-handbook.pdf