Career vs Life - Balance

[Balldog]

It seems there is a decent crowd here to get some reasonable level of advice on this topic so I am reaching out for some feedback and advice.

I will start with the good...

Life - I am 33, married with 3 boys (ages 1, 3, 5). We are usually happily married, I'd say 99% of the time. We recently bought a new house on 5 acres kind of far from civilization, ie - 20 minute drive one way to get groceries! However, my wife was tired of the suburbs so we pulled the string on the deal and love our new house and new found privacy. My wife stays at home with the kids.

Career - I am a manger at a $25 billion company worldwide. The $25 billion is broke into 4 groups. My group is the largest, within that group we are broken into 4 groups. My group is again the largest. So I have a high pressure job to perform, I should note I am a working manager not just reporting like alot of the other managers in the group.

It is widely known that my group is under staffed compared to others. Ie - It is just me, 1 contract employee, and 1 full time employee. They both came on in June of this year. When I combine 2 regions in a similar group there are 2 managers and 14 reports under them combined. I think they have to many and I have to few.

To get where I am currently at I was promoted 3 times in 4 years and last year again was marked as Ready for Advancement. Today I have my review for 2012 and anticipate the same.

Great career path currently...

Here is my issue: earlier this year the VP of the department (I work for a director under him) got promoted and they brought in an outside guy. The new guy is clearly not qualified and is basically trying to align himself with mindless drones, that just say yes. I also have a dotted line boss on global team.

Mid-Summer I had 2 job offers but talked to my boss and decided to stay on thinking this guy won't make it. The issue is he will always hit his numbers if I hit my numbers, which I have always done.

About a month ago I made an internal play to transfer to a new department. New VP basically tried to block it but HR said he can't. I haven't pushed too hard because I wanted to finish strong and start 2013 start for my 2 bosses which I have a great relationship with professionally and personally.

This is where I am today. If I push the transfer it will happen but it is a step back and the growth potential is somewhat limited. However, my work load will be a lot lighter with a lot less hours and a lot less travel. I am at a point where I don't think I want to advance any further anyway. We are living very comfortable and transfer will be a raise but I will lose my bonus potential. It will not be a paycut. They said they will give me up to 6 months to decide what to do. They just don't want me to leave the company.

Personally my current job has become ridiculously stressful with the mindless drones getting credit for work I am doing. My 2 bosses know this and recognize this whenever possible. At home I am a zombie, completely numb to any emotion. This just started a few weeks ago.

I think typing this all out makes the decision pretty simple. However, I really love what I do and the relationships I have developed but I feel like I am holding on to something that is no longer real.

The new role will have very little outside interaction. However, I invision a much better life but I am concerned I will never love the new job like I did the old.

(I could always leave the company but since we moved so far out in the country I would pay the price in the added commute. So I would prefer to stay.)

Thoughts?

[Balldog]

I should mention the old VP called me and said either to hang in there cause the new VP won't last.

[Lathum]

It sounds to me like you have built up a ton of equity in the company. As long as moving to the new role wont effect your compensation, including the benefits/ retirment side of things it seems like a good move. I don't think you can understate quality of life. It also sounds like you have a great reputation and after spending some time in the new role you want to take on a different role the company would help make that happen.

My experiences it is never a good idea to wait for someone to leave the company. I say worry about yourself, not what may or may not happen with the VP. From what you have said you will land on your feet either way, so I say do what is going to give you a better home life.

One more thought. My wife works for a huge company. Every 3-4 years she takes a new role and we move, she has to learn a new job, and it is overall very stressful. Our quality of life tanks for about 6 months because she pretty much is the way you described being a zombie. I can't imagine it always being that way.

[DougW]

I agree with Lathum, but, with one question. How much does the new VP play into this ? What I'm concerned with is, do you really enjoy your current job, but are bitter that they brought in an outside VP ? Do you feel spiteful and think he'll fall on his face if you weren't there ?

Just don't want you to make a move largely based on that, when you are otherwise happy where you are.

[sterlingice]

It doesn't seem like a safe bet to bet on someone else to fail spectacularly enough that they will lose their job in a timeframe that you want it.

Will the new position be a challenge or just coasting? Will it be somewhere you would stagnate? And is the job with the current VP salvageable (i.e. in time will it get better)?

SI

[JonInMiddleGA]

If I read all that right -- no earnings decrease, less travel, fewer hours -- this seems like one of the no-brainers of all time.

Some situations you just can't unfuck. Sounds like this VP from hell is one of them.

[cody8200]

Living comfortably financially with less hours, less travel, etc makes sense to me. Don't miss out on the family time that comes with it. You can never get that back.

[spleen1015]

I used to be career oriented then my daughter started to take sports more seriously. Now, I work a strict 8 hours 3-4 days a week so that I can go help my daughter whether it is taking her to softball practice or coaching her basketball team or just practicing on our own.

I'm much happier.

[Desnudo]

If you don't feel you are one of the VP's "main guys" you should absolutely go somewhere else. However it sounds like that may be your perception vs. the reality based on the feedback you get?

What I sense is that is that you are getting tired by the political aspects of the job in which case it may make sense to look at options with smaller, flatter mgmt teams. If all you want to do is work, you'll find that much easier at a smaller company.

[BYU 14]

I was in a similar circumstance to you, only it was across 2 different companies. I was earning a very nice salary at the job I left, close to the point where my wife would not need to work if she desired, but the stress was killing me. Hours would often by from 8 am past 8 pm and I was spending many a Saturday/Sunday morning laying in bed working from home on my lap top. I had actually started to smoke after not smoking for over 10 years and my usually solid exercise regimen had become nearly non-existent, on top of the fact that I was also becoming a zombie.

After a semi-serious health crisis I finally said enough and left for another, smaller company in the same field, taking a 25K + pay cut. That was 5 years ago and I wouldn't change a thing or even hesitate to do it again. My job still has it's challenges, just because that's the nature of it, but the stress is nearly non-existent, I telecommute 4 days a week, I never work more than 9-10 hours a day and am always done by 4:30. Health, home life, and general well being are significantly better and I have progressed enough in the salary department that I haven't felt the sting of the pay cut for close to 3 years now. Still not at the level I was but I don't care. I have my life back and we are not in need of anything, and work will never be priority #1 again (I have even learned to say no) :)

From your situation it sounds like you will not have to sacrifice a lot on the professional side, minus the growth, but if you can maintain your lifestyle and more importantly your sanity/health you should give the move serious consideration. There is no telling when your current VP may go, if at all and chances are it is your work that is keeping him in place anyway from reading your post. His departure may actually be hastened by you leaving ironically.

I just look at things this way now, if you are living a 'shell' of a life outside of work you are just missing way too much, not to mention the fact that the stress could be doing unseen damage to your health that will manifest later. Not to be dramatic, but you want to be able to enjoy every moment of your kids growing up and most all, be around for them to grow into adults. That is more rearding than any job will ever be.

[Autumn]

It sounds like you've had a ton of success in your field, and are recognized as a great worker. You'll be successful whereever you move. If you can take a job that leaves you less stressed and maybe with more time with the kids, I would say do it. Your home life will benefit, your kids will benefit and I think you will too. There's always the potential for more, more, more and I think the hardest thing to do is to realize that you've achieved enough and it's fine to just be doing a great job where you are.

[Fonzie]

"Nobody ever went to their deathbed wishing that they'd spent more time at the office."

- my old graduate advisor, upon hearing me wrestle with a similar issue

[britrock88]

Living comfortably financially with less hours, less travel, etc makes sense to me. Don't miss out on the family time that comes with it. You can never get that back.

I'd echo this.

[Honolulu_Blue]

Living comfortably financially with less hours, less travel, etc makes sense to me. Don't miss out on the family time that comes with it. You can never get that back.

+2 (or +3).

[Balldog]

Thanks for all the responses. I will address questions and comments in next series of posts.

[Balldog]

Lathum,
For sure the quality of life seems to a big factor for that I need to completely understand. A concern with the new role is I will not have a direct impact on the bottom line. Once I started seeing my works impact my career took off and I would say I became addicted.

[Balldog]

DougW,
He has a big role in my frustration but not because they brought in outsider. I was actually looking forward to potentially learning something from a fresh mind. The issue is he is clearly not capable and refuses to support us to his peers. If we were not carrying him it would not be a big deal.

[Balldog]

Sterlingice,

This a major concern for me. I am honestly scared that I will be bored and watching the clock waiting for the day to end. I don't think this is completely a fair statement but in relation to what I am doing today I think it is possible I will feel this way.

The new job would be pretty stagnant but I could use that new skill as an asset for another role that is more challenging in a few years.

The current job seems like it will get worse before it gets better. He did mention something to my boss about wanting to find way to give me promotion but I think he was just giving the equivalent of hand job.

[Balldog]

Desnudo,
You could be right but there have been several times where I will say good morning or hi and he just walks by like I don't exist.

He has reached out to me a couple times but then just walked away when I told him the truth rather than what he wanted to hear.

I have on a couple occasions gotten aggressive with him when he was referring to what someone told which were lies. Then he asked for the truth which I showed him but then he never addressed the lie.

[Balldog]

BYU14,
Part of me thinks if I push to leave or said i was leaving the company he would have an issue with his functional boss. Who ironically hired his direct boss 20 some years ago. So they have very good relationship. And his functional boss seems to have a tremendous amount of respect for me. Last time he was visiting during a group event he kept gravitating to me. Before he left the event he went out of his way to come to me and remind me how important my performance was to the company.

[Balldog]

Thanks to all the other encouraging posts towards moving on. I think right now I am heavily leaning in that direction but still reluctant to make the plunge. I will have to reflect over next couple weeks.

[Marc Vaughan]

I sincerely believe that life outside of work is very important - to the extent that I stepped down from being "Head of Development" at SI six years ago so that I could spend more time with my family (and also relocate to America and allow my wife to live closer to her family).

I love my job and am proud of much of what I've achieved within my career (and have lots of plans for things I still want to achieve ;) ) ... however its something I don't regret in the slightest, the time with my family is invaluable and these last few years working largely from home have allowed me to spend far more time with my wife and kids.

This has 'struck home' far more to me now that my daughter is 18 and has gone off to university - I'm hugely proud of her that she's gone onto uni (and is going great there) ... but its tough letting go and not having her around as much, its a great consolation to me that we DID share a lot of time together in the last few years and I believe our bond is stronger for that having happened.