Who Needs a Copy of CK2? (Three copies available)

[Coffee Warlord]

Got a second copy, thanks to pre-ordering Europa Universalis IV. And Peregine is also offering his extra copy. And add HeavyReign to the list, so now we're at three copies.

For added amusement, I'll leave this open until Friday afternoon, and then roll a random die based on whoever 'signs up' in the thread.

Posting cocky, funny, yak-related, trout-related, squid-related, or otherwise amusing material may win you an extra slot in the list, increasing your chances of winning!

Crusader Kings 2 == CK2, by the by. And you need a Steam account for me to gift it to.


1) Marmel, Count of Ulm - Eaten by a zombie.
2) Ben E Lou, Baron of Copenhagen - Stabbed with a fish.
3) JetsIn06, Bishop of Cleves - Exploded thyself with thine own grenade.
4) dolfin, Mayor of Lubeck - Slept with the Emperor's wife, and now sleeps with the fishes.
5) saldana, Duchess of Aquitaine - Not a woman!?!?!
6) bbor, Margrave of Baden - Don't ask. No, really. Don't.
7) korme, Dancing Midget to the Court of St James - WINNER! (steam id provided)
8) jaygr, Grand Marshal of Norway - WINNER!
9) BigDPW, Merchant Prince of Venice - Killed by feral cats.
10) EVEN8184, Chieftan of the Khazar Khaganate - WINNER! (steam id provided)
11) tarcone, Imam of Rum - Mauled by the Killer Rabbit

[Marmel]

First reply doesn't need to be cocky or funny to get extra entries. right?

[Danny]

What is CK2?

[Izulde]

Crusader Kings 2. I already have it so I'm not an entry, CW. :P

[Ben E Lou]

Sign me up. Sure.

[JetsIn06]

Have wanted this for a while. I'm down to be in the lucky draw.

[Peregrine]

I've also got an extra copy to give away. Great game.

[dolfin]

I very like yaks, fish, squid and .... ahh forget it...

Please put my name in the hat!

[SackAttack]

I propose that the winners be made to write a cocky and funny CK2 dynasty.

[saldana]

i'll be your huckleberry

[bbor]

Sure....Roll my number

[Coffee Warlord]

Peregine adding his copy to the list, too. Two winners, now.

[korme]

I'm down to get dicey.

[jaygr]

I want in on this!

[BigDPW]

Pick Me! Pick Me!

[EVEN8184]

Sure, why not.

[tarcone]

The trout said: "I'll give it a whirl."
The squid said: "Calamari my number!"
I said: "Count me in."

[Coffee Warlord]

Heading out for lunch fairly soon, then...the grand contest begins!

[Coffee Warlord]

Eleven brave souls stand in the arena. They shall fight to the death until only 3 remain. Those three will be rewarded with two things. Their life, and a game. Probably not a good idea to sign contracts when drunk, eh?

(random.org will roll 1d11. each player rolled with be eliminated, until there are only three)

[Coffee Warlord]

The melee begins. It's chaos, mayhem, flying cats!

One of these cats lands directly on the head of BigDPW, the Merchant Prince of Venice! The Prince screams, as the feral cat mauls him. He falls, clutching his ruined face, as more and more cats sense weakness, and rip into the fat merchant's lard.

BigDPW, the Merchant Prince of Venice has been killed by feral cats.

[Coffee Warlord]

As the cats continue to feast upon Venetian flesh, a fiendish necromancer strides forth. He animates the half-eaten body of the Venetian, who demands two things. Brains and dead cats.

However, the cats prove too fast for the zombie, and he takes out his frustration on the nearest competitor - the Marmel, the Count of Ulm! The terrified Count prays to the Lord, but God does not intervene, and Marmel is eaten by the Zombie Prince.

Marmel, the Count of Ulm has been eaten by a zombie!

[yeah826]

ooh ooh me

[Coffee Warlord]

Horrified by this unnatural beast, the Baron of Copenhagen strides forth in his patriotic undies, cleaving the dread beast from stem to stern. However, he perhaps should have chosen to wear armor instead of merely patriotic underwear, as the Grand Marshal of Norway takes this opportunity to stab Ben with a frozen fish, running him straight through.

Ben E Lou, the Baron of Copenhagen has been run through by a frozen fish!

[Coffee Warlord]

3 down, 5 more must perish. The fight turns nasty, as everyone is trying to find an opening. The holy man of Cleves, JetsIn06, calls in his divine weapon - the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch.

...unfortunately, the Bishop did not read the instructions quite correctly - perhaps he should have paid more attention in Latin class. The Bishop counts to 4, not 3, and the Holy Hand Grenade explodes in his face, killing him.

JetsIn06, Bishop of Cleves, has blown himself up with the Holy Hand Grenade!

[spleen1015]

This is the sort of shit that brings me back to FOFC.

[Coffee Warlord]

Not to be outdone by his spiritual rival, the Imam of Rum and voice of Allah, tarcone, strides forth! He screams in a language unknown to these parts, charging directly at the infidels! The trouble is, since his dear associate, the Bishop of Cleves, failed in his use of the Holy Hand Grenade, a certain HUGE WHITE BEAST WITH HUUUUGE FANGS is still on the loose! The dreaded Killer Rabbit of Caerbannog leaps upon tarcone, slaughtering him! Everyone else decides wisely that it's time to Run Away! Run Away!

tarcone, Imam of Rum has been butchered by the Killer Rabbit of Caerbannog!

[Coffee Warlord]

We're down to our final six. Half will live, half will die. Who's next?

Stay tuned! Our commentator and host has a conference call in 15 minutes!

INTERMISSION!

[Coffee Warlord]

We're back, and things get underway with a bombshell. The Holy Roman Emperor himself has arrived! He stands in the center of the arena, and announces that dolfin, the Mayor of Lubeck, has defiled the Emperor's wife! Apparently they met at the last gathering of the Imperial Diet, much wine was consumed, and well, things happened. Unfortunately, while it's good to be the Mayor, it's better to be the Emperor. The Emperor comes forth, swiftly beheading dolfin.

dolfin, the Mayor of Lubeck has been beheaded by the Holy Roman Emperor!

[Coffee Warlord]

Only five left! Two of them will be going home in bodybags. Or pieces. Or through the orifice of some ungodly beast.

Speaking of ungodly beasts, what the hell are a dozen diseased yaks doing in the arena? AND OH MY GOD, WHAT ARE THEY DOING TO THE MARGRAVE OF BADEN!?!?

Some deaths are better off not being described.

bbor, the Margrave of Baden, is dead. Best not ask how.

[Coffee Warlord]

Four brave souls remain.

Saldana, Duchess of Aquitaine. Though some question what's really underneath that dress.

Korme, Dancing Midget to the Court of St James. We're not even sure how he got in the contest.

Jaygr, Grand Marshal of Norway. If we hear one more word about lutefisk, the crowd will probably kill him themselves.

EVEN8184, Chieftan of the Khazar Khaganate. Best not ask how the term 'a steppes warrior and his horse are one' came around.

[Coffee Warlord]

The four adopt their various fighting poses.

Suddenly, someone screams, pointing at Duchess, whose fine dress has torn from the fighting in the arena. Calls of "she's a man, baby" erupt from the stadium.

As the crowd looks on in horror, the Duchess saldana makes a break for it, but the guards are ready and waiting. Such a disturbing act can be dealt with in only one way - Saldana shall be sent to the Inquisition to purify his corrupt soul.

Saldana, Duchess of Acquitaine has been revealed as a man, baby! The Inquisition awaits.

[tarcone]

Man, I was hoping my whirling trout would give me an advantage in the arena.

[saldana]

damn...i wanted the game, but at least now everyone knows i am not a chick!!!!

[Coffee Warlord]

OUR WINNERS!

Korme, the Dancing Midget!

Jaygr, the Grand Marshal!

Even8184, the Chieftan!

You get to live! I'll need steam ID's from each of you, and we'll get you your keys asap. Congrats!

[sterlingice]

That was glorious

SI

[tarcone]

Oh and aaaaaarrrrrrrrgggghhhhhh

[Coffee Warlord]

damn...i wanted the game, but at least now everyone knows i am not a chick!!!!

I was pulling for you. Though on the same token, yours was an easy death writeup to come up with. :)

[EVEN8184]

Awesome. PM sent with my account.

[korme]

woot woot. that was fun

[Honolulu_Blue]

The four adopt their various fighting poses.

Suddenly, someone screams, pointing at Duchess, whose fine dress has torn from the fighting in the arena. Calls of "she's a man, baby" erupt from the stadium.

As the crowd looks on in horror, the Duchess saldana makes a break for it, but the guards are ready and waiting. Such a disturbing act can be dealt with in only one way - Saldana shall be sent to the Inquisition to purify his corrupt soul.

Saldana, Duchess of Acquitaine has been revealed as a man, baby! The Inquisition awaits.

HEH!! :D

[jaygr]

Lutefisk for all!

[SackAttack]

Fantastic.

[britrock88]

Well done, CW.

[BigDPW]

The melee begins. It's chaos, mayhem, flying cats!

One of these cats lands directly on the head of BigDPW, the Merchant Prince of Venice! The Prince screams, as the feral cat mauls him. He falls, clutching his ruined face, as more and more cats sense weakness, and rip into the fat merchant's lard.

BigDPW, the Merchant Prince of Venice has been killed by feral cats.

Two things:
I am allergic to feral cats... Ahhh Chooooo...
Fitting that I would be the first one out...

It was a good ride CW

[EVEN8184]

HeavyReign, your PM box is full. Just wanted to let you know I figured it out. Thanks again!

[dolfin]

It was totally worth it... the Emperor will never forget!

Great work CW!