No Name or Wrong Name?

[sterlingice]

Would you rather have acquaintances (co-workers or neighbors) call you by no name or get your name incorrect, say, 2% of the time (basically once a month)?

And does being called or not being called by your name even cross your mind?

A little background:

Most people where I work have been here forever and it's fairly low stress so you get a lot of people who just want to casually chat for a minute or two. And I'm starting to notice quite a few people, some I don't even know their names, will call me by my name without fail (tho occasionally get it wrong). I think for some people it's a familiarity thing while others it's a control thing but it's not something I've really thought about until I got here.

Personally, I've never been anywhere long enough to really worry about names except those on my immediate teams, superiors, and a few acquaintances that I've worked with a lot. However, it's rare that I call anyone by their name at all except maybe the first time or two when I'm learning their name. For instance, with me it's never "Hey, Bob", it's something more like "Good morning. What's up?"

And now that I think about it, that's a quality defensive strategy: you can't screw anyone's name up if you don't use their name. But is there some unwritten etiquette rule I don't know: if I say your name, you should respond with my name?

SI

[Izulde]

It's been this strange phenomenon ever since high school that everybody knows my name and who I am, but I have very little idea who many of them are.

I think the practice of using names can potentially be extrovert/introvert linked (i.e. extroverts are more likely to use names than introverts).

It's also interesting how little Americans use people's names in general conversation. Most of the time, we simply don't, from my experience, unless it's absolutely necessary. I suspect this traces back to a fairly ancient belief that knowing someone's name gave you a measure of power over them.

[claphamsa]

people in my office get my name wrong... 80% of the time. its fucking annoying.

[JonInMiddleGA]

I hardly give it (someone using my name, or me using their name) a thought, tbh.

I figure my use/don't use preferences are strictly contextual, just whatever feels right/wrong based on the flow on the conversation (assuming this is 1-on-1 talks & there's no need to direct something to a specific person in a group or whatever).

I would, probably, eventually be at least bemused by someone who consistently got my name wrong when trying to use it however.

[Chief Rum]

I'm not sure I understand what my option would be in this poll. When I first see someone after a spell, it's pretty common for me to use their name in my greeting to them. "Hey, Ralph!", for instance.

But I find I do that with people I'm not guaranteed to see every day. For instance, I don't say the names of the people I work next to when I come in. I simply wish them a good morning.

But if I see someone I am not guaranteed to see passing by, I'll say hello and offer their name.

I don't see it as a power thing at all, at least not to me. It's an acknowledgement that grabs their attention and establishes a connection. It's a constructive team-building connection, not a destructive me over you relationship.

[JonInMiddleGA]

And, upon further reflection, I can't say how being one of those people that "isn't good with names" really affects my handling of this subject either.

[SackAttack]

If it's someone I know personally, eh, shit happens. I've called people I know the wrong name before, too.

If it's someone I have some kind of a business relationship with, putative or otherwise, you best be getting my name right. You've got a computer screen in front of you. You have no good excuse for getting my name wrong.

[cartman]

Let me think about that for a bit, and I'll give you my answer, SperlingLice.

[Draft Dodger]

I would use names all the time if I know them. But I'm not very good with names so unless I'm 100% sure I won't use them

[sterlingice]

I would use names all the time if I know them. But I'm not very good with names so unless I'm 100% sure I won't use them

See- and this opens up a whole new area: Name-based familiarity. I'm comfortable enough to use your name but are you comfortable enough to use mine"? If not, maybe we're just not as good of colleagues as I thought.

SI

[BrianD]

I think most people like to be called by their name. Imagine the hot coworker who you think doesn't know you calling you by name. There is power knowing you are that much in focus to another person.

I'd like to use more names than I do, but I have a horrible fear of dealing with the situation of using the wrong name. Because of that, I almost never use them...though I know I should.

[kcchief19]

At my first job the owner of the company always called me by the wrong name, and I never corrected him. If my boss was around, she always corrected him, and he still got it wrong. It did make me sensitive to calling people by the wrong name, so I largely avoid using people's names unless I'm 100% sure of their names. If I call somebody the wrong name, I feel pretty bad.

It could be an introvert/extrovert thing, but I think it could also be a left/right brain thing. I'm simply terrible with names and faces. In college, I use to memorize the friends I would see on the way to classes and be prepared to walk past them, because unless I was prepared when walking by someone for two seconds who said hi to me, I would never remember their name that quickly unless it was a very close friend.

[kcchief19]

As an amendment to what I said, I have what people frequently refer to as "two first names" since my last name is a common first name. I get called by my last name quite a bit. I'll forgive it on a first offense, but if it continues to happen I know one of two things: (1) that person doesn't know me as well as they think; or (2) that person doesn't care who I am.

At my last job, the HR director always called me by last name and I took offense to it, so I started calling her by her last name. :)

[Chief Rum]

As an amendment to what I said, I have what people frequently refer to as "two first names" since my last name is a common first name. I get called by my last name quite a bit. I'll forgive it on a first offense, but if it continues to happen I know one of two things: (1) that person doesn't know me as well as they think; or (2) that person doesn't care who I am.

At my last job, the HR director always called me by last name and I took offense to it, so I started calling her by her last name. :)

I agree, 19.

[Kodos]

Add me to the list of people who are terrible with names and faces. I rarely ever use names.

[Julio Riddols]

I'm more likely to call my friends dude or man or whatever. It seems the ones I call by name the most are the friends that for whatever reason go by their last name in our circle. Gerber, for instance. We've shortened that to Gerb. It was always odd to hear his parents call him Brian. I am pretty introverted as well, so I think it becomes a product of my hesitance to be the first to talk in a conversation. I generally don't have to use anyone's name since I already have their attention because they started talking to me first in most cases.

As for me, most people used to get my name wrong, the people I didn't know well would always call me Shawn. I never corrected them, I would usually just say "Close enough!" because I honestly don't give a shit. I have been surprised though when people I have only barely met or haven't seen in ages know me by name when I see them. I am usually left asking my fiancee if she knows peoples names before we go to a party so I can try and not be that guy that doesn't know anyone's names. There was an old lady at an apartment complex I lived at that called me Steven. I corrected her like 6 times before I realized I probably just looked like someone she used to know named Steven.

So to sum it up: I don't care if you get my name wrong, and by god I wish I remembered yours, but if I don't use it, I mean absolutely no disrespect. I am just very informal/bad with names and what have you.

[Dutch]

I think most people like to be called by their name. Imagine the hot coworker who you think doesn't know you calling you by name. There is power knowing you are that much in focus to another person.

I'd like to use more names than I do, but I have a horrible fear of dealing with the situation of using the wrong name. Because of that, I almost never use them...though I know I should.

This is basically the right answer. There is a risk/reward with using names. Particularly tough names. If you can say a non-traditional name correctly, you will score points. But if you totally fuck it up, they'll remember that too!

[cuervo72]

people in my office get my name wrong... 80% of the time. its fucking annoying.

You know, I've never really looked before but I've been reading your user name here wrong for years.

/always thought was claphasma

[cuervo72]

I'd like to use more names than I do, but I have a horrible fear of dealing with the situation of using the wrong name. Because of that, I almost never use them...though I know I should.

I'm the same way. Though there's a line of familiarity that is eventually crossed where someone will regularly address me by my name (instead of just "hi!", it's "hi cuervo!"); at that point, I feel like I'd better reciprocate lest the imbalance be seen as a slight

[King of New York]

I never hesitate to use people's names, starlinglice.

[sterlingice]

Let me think about that for a bit, and I'll give you my answer, SperlingLice.

fartman, you're a gas!

I never hesitate to use people's names, starlinglice.

Maybe I should start doing that, Queen of New York.

(we've already reached the devolution point of this thread, right?)

SI

[Chief Rum]

So I had a trainee last night at my second job who's name is Dalicia.

That's Duh-lease-ee--uh. Make the "c" an 's' sound, rather than a soft 'ch' (like in Alicia).

She says a lot of people tell her her name is too hard to pronounce, so they will just call her "Delicious" (she is an attractive blond girl, so I am sure there's more than a little innuendo in that). I actually was standing there when another co-worker (a girl) actually did that very thing not longer after Dalicia and I were joking around about it.

I had to introduce her to all of my tables last night. That was not easy.

[BrianD]

So I had a trainee last night at my second job who's name is Dalicia.

That's Duh-lease-ee--uh. Make the "c" an 's' sound, rather than a soft 'ch' (like in Alicia).

She says a lot of people tell her her name is too hard to pronounce, so they will just call her "Delicious" (she is an attractive blond girl, so I am sure there's more than a little innuendo in that). I actually was standing there when another co-worker (a girl) actually did that very thing not longer after Dalicia and I were joking around about it.

I had to introduce her to all of my tables last night. That was not easy.

Looks like that one shouldn't be too tough. It is pronounced pretty much like it looks, assuming you pronounce all of the letters like you do in most non-English languages...and French I guess. French words seem to all have about 12 silent letters.

[Chief Rum]

Looks like that one shouldn't be too tough. It is pronounced pretty much like it looks, assuming you pronounce all of the letters like you do in most non-English languages...and French I guess. French words seem to all have about 12 silent letters.

You would think. But I think the natural inclination for most Americans would be to pronounce it "Duh-leash-yuh" instead of "Duh-lease-ee-uh". I did it twice myself last night while introducing her and then corrected myself.

[cuervo72]

I think the temptation would be to pronounce it a la Patricia.

[Chief Rum]

I think the temptation would be to pronounce it a la Patricia.

Exactly.

[BrianD]

You would think. But I think the natural inclination for most Americans would be to pronounce it "Duh-leash-yuh" instead of "Duh-lease-ee-uh". I did it twice myself last night while introducing her and then corrected myself.

I agree. Americans, in general, tend to be bad with phonetic pronunciation, and the English language breaks phonetic rules often. Going the other way, though, once you hear the name pronounced, I think the first inclination would be to spell it like it sounds and you'd probably get it right. Not sure that is really on point though.

[MIJB#19]

I've recently come to the conclusion that I've gone to the "No name" side. Even with about 100 co-workers, of whom all do know my name, it's extremely rare that I don't immediately remember people's names, but it can happen with co-workers at locations that I don't regularly visit. I try to anticipate, printing the names of those that I might run into in my memory and once we reach the "Hi MIJB!" stage, I can reply "Hi!" with enough enthusiasm that it doesn't look like I'm not sure who the person in front of me is. In my head I will eliminate all the wrong answers.

Ironically, this thread basically reminds that I want to change my recently adopted habit and go back to replying "Hi MIJB!" with "Hi Kodos*!", etc. If for whatever reason I'll have to do the eliminating names process in a quick fashion, or save face with an enthusiastic "Hi, long time no see!" kind of response.


* for example, I don't really work with aliens.