The Worst movies you've ever seen

[oykib]

Before we get started let's make a few grounsd rules:

#1 - Pick movies that more than seventeen people have seen.
I realize that "Manos: The Hand of Fate" is actually ten times worse than the worst Meg Ryan chick flick ever made. But I could also say that about the amateur film my buddy tried to make with his girlfriend, but forgot to take the lense cap off of the camera.
The point, of course, is that no one has seen either of these movies.

#2 - You can only pick a maximum of two movies in any genre.
If we don't have this rule then the thread will become a serial rant about action movies, romantic comedies, and gay indie films.

#3 - You can only pick up to two movies with any particular actor.
This is for almost the same reason as above. Someone is going to just list the top grossing films of Keanu Reeves' career.

So let's see your bottom five flicks.

[TLK]

Not in the right state of mind to come up with a bottom five list but, the worst movie hands down is.....

Toys with Robin Williams.....

A truely awful movie...


TLK

[Ragone]

Lets See


Caddyshack 2

Dude, wheres my script(err car)

Ed Tv

Rocky 5(There was a reason Tommy Morrison's character was named Tommy.. he had troubled responding to any other name they gave him.. True story)

Suburban Commando(I guess i could just list any Hulk Hogan movie here.. but this is the only one i can remember)

[oykib]

5. City of Angels
Awful, awful movie. Even good perfomances from Andre Braugher and Dennis Franz couldn't help this one.
I see it this way. You have to establish what is so hot about being an angel before you can make it a sacrifice for Nick Cage to give it up. They don't. So, all the dramatic tension and supense never materialize. Just two hours of wasted time.


4. The Omen IV
What the hell was that? This is the movie with the little girl daughter of Satan. I hate unneccesary sequels. When a series of movie ends, you can't get much more useless than a totally unrelated sequel.
BTW, since "Omen 4" is so obscure I'm sort of skirting my own rules. So, I'll tell you that you can replace it with "Halloween 3" or "A Nightmare on Elm Street 2"


3. Batman and Robin
This is the worst blockbuster that I've ever seen. The story was horrible. It butchered the comic. The acting was putrid and the direction was worse.
There was nothing to like in this piece of garbage. Even Uma Thurman and Alicia Silverstone weren't hot. The fight choreography was terrible. Also, I counted at least three times in the first five minutes where either Batman or Robin should have been killed.


2. The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai across the 8th Dimension
I don't get this movie. None of you fanboys try to explain it to me either. I've had enough of that over the years from all my nerd friends.
I've tried to watch this again and again hoping that it'd come together like when I watched "Monty Python and the Holy Grail". After 'Holy Grail', I basically got Monty Python. But I'll never get 'Buckaroo Banzai'.


1. Cool World
The same as buckaroo Banzai, only worse.
I have a particular hatred for this movie because it set back animation in America about twenty years. This was the worst movie ever made.

[Bad-example]

The Rock - For me this film is a perfect example of what is wrong with Hollywood. All you need are a couple stars and enough explosions and bullets to make a box office success. Ooh, and a car chase!

The Last Boyscout - Ok there are dozens of bad buddy action comedies like this and The Rock...its just that these two are really painful.

Forrest Gump - Smarmy crap is as smarmy crap does.

Sleepless in Seattle - See above.

Caddyshack - Sorry. Not funny.

[astralhaze]

Mission Impossible 2

Just an awful awful movie. I'm not a fan of action movies to begin with, but this one was particularly brain dead. Tom Cruise seemed to just be posing, the script was terrible, and John Woo's action wasn't even that great. Horrible.

Eraser

This was the first movie I ever saw where I actually considered asking for my money back. In addition to some huge violations of the laws of physics, the plot was completely unbelievable and they couldn't even come up with any "he's dead tired" type lines for Arnold. Hideous.

Gone In 60 Seconds

If Angelina Jolie and Nic Cage are in your movie and it still sucks ass, you need to fricking retire. Sorry folks, car chases and a hot star do not a movie make. The ending chase when the car flies through the air and then lands on it's feet is a huge insult to intelligence and seriously pissed me off.

Roadhouse

I don't think I even need to explain this one.

Leonard Part VI

Perhaps I should be thankfull for the fact that Leonard's I-IV were never made, but I think it may have helped this movie to make sense. I think I saw it when I was like 10 or something, and even then I realized it was a huge, flaming pile of shit. No redeeming quality whatsoever. Seriously may be the worst movie ever made.

[Chief Rum]

Originally posted by Bad-example
The Rock - For me this film is a perfect example of what is wrong with Hollywood. All you need are a couple stars and enough explosions and bullets to make a box office success. Ooh, and a car chase!

The Last Boyscout - Ok there are dozens of bad buddy action comedies like this and The Rock...its just that these two are really painful.

Forrest Gump - Smarmy crap is as smarmy crap does.

Sleepless in Seattle - See above.

Caddyshack - Sorry. Not funny.

Not to pick on your list, Bad Example--I'm sure that there are fans of all movies, even those named to worst ever lists--but, man, some of these just aren't that bad.

The Rock is, yes, typical Hollywood tripe, but it's exciting and fun tripe. Maybe you just went into this fooled that it would be higher quality than a popcorn muncher, I don't know. :)

I'm not going to say the Last Boyscout was a great movie. It most certainly was not. But there were some pretty funny one-liners and interplays between Willis and Wayans in this one that, IMO, raises it above Top Five Worst of All Time.

Not going to defend Gump or Sleepless. I, too, am not a big fan of either. They wouldn't be on my Five Worst, though.

And Caddyshack...Holy Shit...I guess we'll just have to agree to disagree. That might be one of the funniest films ever made, IMO. Your taste in humor boggles my mind. ;)

Chief Rum

[Hawaii Warrior]

Anything that I dont see

[Bad-example]

Well Chief, the way I chose my list was this: if I were on a hellishly long flight, what movies would I NOT want to have inflicted upon me. Sure there are worse movies out there, but most of them don't get under my skin like these and also fit the criteria listed at the top.

As far as Caddyshack goes, I guess I could have said Blues Brothers just as easily :)

[andy m]

by far and away the worst movie i have ever seen was "freddie got fingered". i have not seen anything in the history of the world that comes close to being as downright shit as this. the attempts at bad taste are pathetic, obviously there is no plot, and the acting is laughable. this is the kind of film that appeals to people that don't deserve to have eyes.

[TroyF]

1) AI

I'm glad I wasn't planning on suicide before I watched the movie. As it was, I was thinking of way to off myself during the movie. Horrible.

2) Freddie Got Fingered

Agree with Andy M on something. This was a terrible movie.

3) Deep Impact

Wow, look at me, I can outrun a tidal wave on my cheap motorbike. . . Yuk. Any movie where I'm cheering for the main characters to just die is not a good flick.

TroyF

[Ragone]

Speaking of a movie where you root for the movie to kill them.. i give you..


Godzilla!
Come on Zilla.. CATCH MATTHEW BRODERICK ALREADY

[TroyF]

Ragone,

I kept screaming at them all through the movie "POISON THE FISH!!!"

They lure the damn lizard out with the food and try to shoot it? No, put every known deadly substance to man in the food. What a bunch of idiots. I was cheering for Godzilla to destroy the entire town and eat all of the main characters so they wouldn't even be tempted to make a sequal.

TroyF

[Alf]

Titanic : I didn't want to see it but that was the obnly movie available at the time we reach the theater (cinema in French), boring, boring and 2.5 hours...

[cthomer5000]

only two movies ever made me consider suicide while inside the theater:


Dude, Where's my Car?

Moulin Rouge

[Fritz]

1.) Gettysburg - Bad acting, bad editing, bad script, bad movie.

2.) The Postman/Waterworld - WTF was Costner thinking?

3.) Chicken Run - I left during the film.

4.) John Carpenters Vampires. I went because a buddy is a vampire freak. Even he thought this was a stinker.

5.) Pearl Harbor - Never before have so many be disgraced by so few in two and half hours.

6.) Hamlet (Mel Gibson).

7.) Police Academy 6: City Under Siege

8.) Nurse Betty

[Taur]

1. Popeye. This movie went through 3 producers who all quit during the middle of filming. This movie is so bad I love it and have to watch it every time it is on. I always wonder what the cast members are thinking when they are filming this dissaster.

2. Little Shop of Horrors. The lessons to be learned is you can't recreate an accident. Trying to recreat the accident of the Rocky Horror Picture Show turned out to be a huge flop. The writers even wrote a script for the audience members to perform at the shows.

3. Dune(the theater version) The biggest headache award goes to the Theater owners who showed this half movie. Cutting out 1hr and 30 minutes and using a voice over to explain some of the plot had me banging my head against the wall for most of the movie. Thank god for DVD.

4. Anyting made by Steven Spielberg recently. Steven must of had a stroke because his movies just won't end. He just keeps showing up to work the next day and adding more endings to his movie.

5. George Lucas and his Star Wars line. Lucas is Totally funding, wirting, directing, producing, editing, and.....Hey George have you heard of delagating responsibility?

[Dawgfan1980]

Worst movie is Runaway Bride. A useless movie made to further the sagging career of Richard Gere. Didn't they do this with Pretty Woman? And the plot was so thin I could see through it.

Also, Speed. Can someone tell Keanu Reeves not to open his mouth, and just be a pretty face? Wait, Speed 2 might be worse... {Judges?} Yes, it is!

[Swaggs]

Godzilla 2000 -- Hands down, the worst movie I have ever paid to see. 3 years later, I still owe my wife 1000 more chic flix to pay retribution for this classic.

Dude, Where's My Car? -- An easy choice to see. I love Stiffler and I love Kelso, it has to be funny, right? Wrong! :)

[Super Ugly]

I deeply hate "Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels". All that Michael Caine mockney bullshit makes me want to leave this country forever.

And what's with the hate when it comes to "Dude, Where's My Car"? Granted, most of my friends think I'm brain-damaged for owning it on DVD, but no matter how many times I watch it, I still laugh my arse off.

[Alf]

Crash : first time ever I left during the movie

[Fidatelo]

Originally posted by Super Ugly
And what's with the hate when it comes to "Dude, Where's My Car"? Granted, most of my friends think I'm brain-damaged for owning it on DVD, but no matter how many times I watch it, I still laugh my arse off.

I gotta second this, Dude Where's My Car is a classic! I also own the DVD, and it's one of my favorites.

Of course, I thought Freddie Got Fingered was a pretty decent movie so perhaps my tastes should be taken with a grain of salt :D

As for worst movies:

1. Dungeons & Dragons - Absolutely no redeeming qualities.

2. Rules of Attraction - The first scene was so sickening I had to turn it off (thank god I wasn't in the theatre), and it still haunts me now. There are just some things in life that you can't 'un-see'.

3. Batman & Robin - Pretty much destroyed the franchise

4. Adam Sandler's 8 Crazy Nights - I'm a huge Sandler fan, but this movie was terrible.

[oykib]

Originally posted by Alf
Crash : first time ever I left during the movie

I forgot that one Alf. I hate this movie too.

Which brings me to the question:
How the hell do you fuck up a porno?

[Butter]

The English Patient.... soooooo boring.

Moulin Rouge.... nearly gave me seizures.

The Ladies' Man.... Why God, why?

[ColtCrazy]

Pret a Portier(sp) a.k.a. Ready to Wear.
- stupid movie about the fashion industry. Cram packed with stars and apparently countless insider jokes. Only move I left in the middle of.

Waterworld
-After watching something else, a couple of us sat in on the last 45 minutes of this. We paid nothing and we still felt ripped of.

Moonraker
-As a HUGE Bond fan, this one just annoys. Stupid plot, horrible battle scene. By far the worst Bond ever made.

Snowdogs
-As a 3rd grade teacher, I'm forced to watch a seemingly endless run of bad kid movies during classroom parties or the last day of school. This is by far the worst I've seen in the genre. Didn't Cuba Gooding Jr. have a career at one time?

Pearl Harbor
-It's a war movie, but should go in the romantic genre. War movies just should not be sappy.

Blair Witch Project
-The number 1 stupidest movie of all time. Were we supposed to feel sorry for those whiny twerps? My friends and I turned it into a MST3000 episode. Only redeeming quality was it was easy to make fun of.

[oykib]

Originally posted by ColtCrazy
Moonraker
-As a HUGE Bond fan, this one just annoys. Stupid plot, horrible battle scene. By far the worst Bond ever made.


What about "On Her Majesty's Secret Service" or either of the Timothy Dalton movies? At least "Moonraker", admittedly a bad film, had Jaws.

[cuervo72]

Originally posted by ColtCrazy
Pret a Portier(sp) a.k.a. Ready to Wear.
- stupid movie about the fashion industry. Cram packed with stars and apparently countless insider jokes. Only move I left in the middle of.

Um, the last few minutes of this film were pretty good, at least if you like naked supermodels.

[John Galt]

I actually seem to own a number of movies on various bad movie lists. I really like Moulin Rouge, Buckaroo Banzai, the various Star Wars movies, and Caddyshack.

As for movies I think are the worst, I can only think of few totally painful, disappointing movies:

A.I. - would've been a good-to-great movie if not for the last half hour. It shouldv'e ended with him trapped underwater.

Legends of the Fall - a movie that had no subtext, no interesting ideas, but was depressing enough to make people believe it was about "something."

The Recruit - I went to watch this with friends who just wanted to see Colin - pain, pure pain.

[JeeberD]

Jeepers Creeps - Wasn't scary, made no sense at all. Just a bad film.

Duce Bigalow: Male Gigalo - Ugh, I don't know how I got talked into going to that one. I think I laughed once during the entire movie, but I groaned or shook my head at the stupidity many, many times...

[Anrhydeddu]

Strictly picking on some of the more popular ones:

Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom

After the incredible unexpected high of Raiders, this awful movie scared me from ever seeing a movie on opening day, ever. Maybe it was fun for some but this was a huge letdown or dropoff from Raiders. The worse part was casting that horrible blond chick, the now Mrs. Speilberg. Worse casting I had ever experienced.

Matrix

After so much hype (since the cool SB commercial), I remembered watching this movie on DVD and sitting there not getting anything and not being impressed by any of it. It truly was a movie I said "so what" to.

Bull Durham

I love baseball movies and this one I wanted to like since I had attended several Durham Bulls games before they got famous. This movie was not a baseball movie but instead a vulgar, crass flick that happened to have a few baseball players.

I'll think of two more later.

By the way, I'm sure there could be many more of the popular movies on my worse list, like the recent Star Wars or any of the super action heroes movies but I know I would not like them so I stayed away.

Also, I spent some time reading through the Worse 100 movies at IMDB and found it fascinating. The whole thing about Manos was incredible to read.

[CamEdwards]

Anrh-Bucc,

I never found you curmudgeonly until your last post. :)

There are a lot of bad movies out there, but the last bad one I remember watching was Escape from New York. I didn't realize how poorly this movie had aged until I saw it again.

As far as A.I. goes, I don't know how many of you who hated the ending are parents, but I know if the movie had ended with him underwater, it wouldn't have had nearly the emotional hook for me that the true ending had. It has to do with closure for me, to know that there's some finality, not just an eternity of staring into space.

[Daimyo]

5. Batman and Robin
4. The Avengers
3. Blair Witch Project
2. Dude, Where's my Car?
1. Kung Pow: Enter the Fist

[Celeval]

The Avengers. Only redeeming quailty was Uma Thurman in a skin-tight leather outfit... although that was balanced by Sean Connery dressed up like a huge teddy bear. I'm not sure 17 people saw it - there were about 40 in the theatre at the start of the movie, but only 4 left (me, my gf, and an elderly couple about 70) at the end.

Hm.. am I the only one here who not only liked Moulin Rouge, but bought the soundtrack and have it on DVD? (I'm thinking probably)

Kevin

[ColtCrazy]

Originally posted by oykib
What about "On Her Majesty's Secret Service" or either of the Timothy Dalton movies? At least "Moonraker", admittedly a bad film, had Jaws.

I actually liked Timothy Dalton. The second one was kind of average, but the first one was pretty good. He played angry in both of them, but he really wasn't too bad.

On Her Majesty's Secret Service, other than Goldfinger, is a great script. Savalas was excellent as Blofeld and they did a great job getting Diana Rigg as the lead female. If Connery had done that one, it would have been the best Bond ever. Lazenby stinks, but somehow the rest of the movie makes up for a lot of his short comings.

Yeah, Moonraker had Jaws....but why did he have to turn "good" at the end. He was Bond's ultimate nemesis. There was greater potential to have them have the ultimate duel.

[Marmel]

Originally posted by Celeval
Hm.. am I the only one here who not only liked Moulin Rouge, but bought the soundtrack and have it on DVD? (I'm thinking probably)

Kevin


It is one of my wife's favorite movies. I groan whenever she is watching it, and have yet to see it from start to finish....just can't do it.

[iceberg414]

Black and white! Mike Tyson has a simi-big role...that says enough.

the big hit...was this a REAL action movie or was it a farse? either way it was pathetic...the two worst movies i have ever seen.

XXX...Xtremely, Xcitingly, Xcruciating...terrible!

[Anrhydeddu]

Thanks, Cam, I think.

Since I have to come up with a different genre according to the rules, I would add The Wiz. Diana Ross is a egostitical diva and bad performer, imo but her performance in the The Wiz was truly wretched, even by her standards.

[John Galt]

Originally posted by CamEdwards
As far as A.I. goes, I don't know how many of you who hated the ending are parents, but I know if the movie had ended with him underwater, it wouldn't have had nearly the emotional hook for me that the true ending had. It has to do with closure for me, to know that there's some finality, not just an eternity of staring into space.

I certainly don't disagree that the ending added closure and made it a happier film, but I think the way it did that was contrived and made little sense. Bringing back the mother who for ridiculous reasons could exist for only one day and yet who had forgotten she threw her kid out, was just crazy to me. It didn't really have a meaning - it was just an attempt to "wrap things up." If he had been left in the bottom of the water, it would have left the audience to address existential questions of what it is like to be alive, to feel, and to want something. That may not have been a Hollywood ending, but it would have been a lot more coherent and related to the other themes in the movie. I felt the last half hour was almost an entirely unrelated film as far as themes and subtext.

[KWhit]

Originally posted by Celeval

Hm.. am I the only one here who not only liked Moulin Rouge, but bought the soundtrack and have it on DVD? (I'm thinking probably)

Kevin

Nope. Me too.

I freaking LOVE that movie. I remember when I first saw it I had perma-grin for the whole movie. I just thought it was very well done. Loved the music, loved the performances, loved the direction.

Feel free to question my manhood now. :)

[Coffee Warlord]

Crash. I paid 1 dollar to see this in theatre, and felt robbed. Only show we ever walked out of.

Waterworld. 'Nuff said. To go against the grain though, Postman, while not a *good* flick, was not as bad as everyone makes it out to be. Waterworld, of course, was as bad as everyone makes it out to be.

Rocky Horror Picture Show. I despise this ... thing ... with the fire of a thousand hells.

Slapshot. Older hockey movie of the Major League type comedy. Several of my former co-workers LOVE this movie. I borrowed it from them. I couldn't watch it it was so bad.

And last, and possibly least, Highlander 2. Why god, why.

[ColtCrazy]

Forgot one. 5th Element is an extremely bad movie.

[QuikSand]

I know this question is subject to even more interpretation than the "top ten" list, but for me - I tend to remember movies where I felt it could have been good, but was just botched by a really poor script, or a really poor directing job. In that vein, two movies come to mind quickly:

Sneakers - Robert Redford leads a pretty impressive cast, with a reasonably good hook... the movie completely stunk, due to a dreadful script. I know that sometimes the all-purpose retort to a criticism of a professional is "I suppose you could do better?" Well, in this case - yes, I coudl have done better. I have no skills as a screenwriter nor film critic, but I could have written a better script for Sneakers than what was produced. Dreadful.

Stargate - Another concept that I thought was decent enough, but good heavens was this movie poorly acted, directed, and scripted. Derivative, predictable, and totally flat. Ouch.

Inspired by the lists above, I certainly agree that The Avengers was terrible, and I have really deep issues with A. I. as well. Two good choices - again, in part based on their unrealized potential. In particular, I think A.I. could have been very good... but I found the boy character to be unseemily unctuous, beyond what might have been called for in a "mecha" character. Actually, I think Jude Law's character would have made a better centerpiece for the film.

I personally cringed through The Mummy, and was aghast to see it make some top ten lists... but I think that's more a matter of taste than fundamentally terrible filmmaking. I thought Gone in 60 Seconds was a let-down, but I should have seen it coming, so it's largely my own fault. Neither one makes my list.

[GrantDawg]

Originally posted by KWhit
Nope. Me too.

I freaking LOVE that movie. I remember when I first saw it I had perma-grin for the whole movie. I just thought it was very well done. Loved the music, loved the performances, loved the direction.

Feel free to question my manhood now. :)


Naaaaa....your just a theatre geek.

[Butter]

Originally posted by John Galt
I certainly don't disagree that the ending added closure and made it a happier film, but I think the way it did that was contrived and made little sense.

I thought AI was an outstanding film until the final 20 minutes of the "happy" ending. The way I put it is, the bulk of the movie is mainly Kubrick (who had the main idea, and was working hard on the movie at the time of his death), but Spielberg couldn't STAND a movie that ended that bleakly (nor could his fans, perhaps?), so he had to tack on the happy ending.

I really loved most of the rest of the film too, although not as much as I expected.

[QuikSand]

As for Moulin Rouge, it's just not my type of movie. I dislike musicals generally (hell, I didn't even like The Sound of Music, how's that for a heart of stone) and had no inclination at all to see this movie.

A few months ago, a new friend urged me to see it - "it's not like anything else." I knuckled under, and watched it. I liked it a lot more than I expected, and have watched it again twice more since. In my book, it's a genre-buster... I hate musicals, but in this movie, I felt like most of the musical scenes had real life, and added a lot to the film. I though that the use of contemporary music was not derivative (as it has been criticized), but rather a very clever film device.

Baz gets my vote... and now I cannot wait for his next project, supposedly a film about the life of Alexander the Great (who is usually my answer to the "dinner guest from history" question).

[Mantle2600]

1. House of 1,000 corpses - new movie, but no good. Not scary, not funny, not anything.

2. Jeepers Creepers - See above.

3. Moulin Rouge - Just shoot me now please.

Thats all i got, those 3 movies are enough to justify all that is wrong in this country.

[Butter]

I didn't think I'd like The Sound of Music, but I got it for my wife for Christmas, and we watched it together. I liked it. Wouldn't mind seeing it again.

Moulin Rouge, however, sucked big donkey wang. Sorry, Kickstand. :(

[cthomer5000]

Originally posted by Mantle2600
1. House of 1,000 corpses - new movie, but no good. Not scary, not funny, not anything.

2. Jeepers Creepers - See above.

3. Moulin Rouge - Just shoot me now please.

Thats all i got, those 3 movies are enough to justify all that is wrong in this country.

I think I will argue until I die that Jeepers Creepers is the worst attempt at a horror movie ever made. Lord how i celebrated when that kid finally died!! If only the real-life actor had died, he really deserved it for his work in that movie, which seemes to only consist of making a "i'm really scared" face (and not very well at that).

[JeeberD]

Yeah, I agree, but the kid is somehow going to be back for the sequal. Maybe the first movie is just going to be a dream, I don't know. And I doubt I'll ever know since there's no way in hell I'll go see it...

[Nyarlahotep]

Most of my least favorites got listed, so here are some horrible ones I didn't see listed:

1. Master of Disguise

2. Showgirls

3. Battlefield Earth

4. Queen of the Damned

5. Point Break

[lytic]

The Gods must be Crazy 2 (I fell asleep watching this in the theatre)

Unbreakable (I fell asleep watching this on the plane coming home from Saudi Arabia)

Zoolander (I asked for my rental fee back after watching this, they gave me store credit for another rental)

However, I mostly go against the grain and I like Dude, where's m car and waterworld and postman, etc

[Qwikshot]

It was on cable so I watched, and I must admit that:

Freddy Got Fingered has got to be as bad as some Ed Wood films...you want to watch a movie for the sheer amazement in wondering how it got produced and out into the movie chain. Look for it on cable and watch it.

[ACStrider]

Mission Impossible 2 - Talk about cheap tricks, predictable plot and terrible acting. I was yawning and ready for the show to finally be over and put me out of my misery by about halfway through. It's funny, though, my sister convinced me to watch the first one and I really enjoyed it. What's the saying about sequels?

Pearl Harbor - Take out the 10 minutes of the impressive bombing display and what do you have?

Star Wars: Episode 1 - A good story and top notch special effects ruined by terrible acting, terrible script, and a "let's throw every special effect possible at them so they won't know the difference" attitude. I knew things were going to be a little rough when there was a fight scene within 30 seconds of the film starting.

Billy Madison - I know I'm going to incur the wrath of some of you out there with this one, but I couldn't help but think throughout the movie "I'm a pampered rich boy who hasn't been sober for five years. Please laugh at how stupid I am and feel sorry for me." I just wanted to say "Get a real job you loser!"

Runaway Bride - Richard Gere isn't funny. Julia Roberts isn't funny. You know that in the end they will end up together even though any reasonable person would see a million and a half warning flags and a divorce in real life within a month of the marriage. Maybe the next movie should be called "Runaway Ex".

[WussGawd]

Fortunately, I have a pretty good set of built-in radar that usually allows me to spot a stinkbomb before blowing $8. For example, I liked the original Caddyshack, heard that Bill Murray and Chevy Chase weren't returning for the sequel, that was enough to tell me it would suck. Ditto Speed 2 & Keanu Reeves.

But, unfortunately, I've had the misfortune to see a few gawd-awful stinkers over the years:

First Family:

Bob Newhart did a very good comedy bit in the 60's during the Kennedy Administration. It would surely seem that the Carters would make similarly good comedy fodder. Too bad Newhart couldn't find it. A friend of mine dragged me (he was a Newhart fan). You know a film doesn't hold much promise when even the trailer isn't funny.

All I remember was the silence, the deadly silence. No laughs, nothing. I might as well have been watching test patterns for the entertainment value. Anybody remotely connected with this P.O.S. should have been stripped of their SAG card immediately.


Moulin Rouge:

No greater argument can be found for mandatory drug testing for film critics and entertainers than anybody who wrote a positive review of this film or voted for it for a Golden Globe or Oscar. I'm not big on movie musicals anyway (though I've enjoyed a few over the years), but this thing was just ridiculous. I would rather tear my own eyes out than watch five minutes of this again.


Another Stakeout:

Three words: Co-Starring Rosie O'Donnell.

Any questions?


Eyes Wide Shut:

I never thought a film featuring Nicole Kidman's breasts could be boring. Apparently, I was wrong. A better name would have been Eyes Wide Shut and Snoring, which is what I was doing by the end of it.


Independence Day:

Some things I learned from Independence Day:

The US has no fighters in its inventory other than F/A-18 Hornets...but the US has about 10,000 of those.

The biggest and best computer network in the world can be taken down in 10 minutes by a moron with a Powerbook.

Will Smith can't act (then again, I already knew this).

The dialogue of Bill Paxton's POTUS character in ID4 makes George Lucas' dialogue look like William Shakespeare.


Star Wars I: The Phantom Menace:

For this we waited 20 years? Where is the brilliant acting range of Carrie Fisher when you need it. Compared to the stiffs spouting wooden dialogue in this one, the original Star Wars was a piece of art. People focus on the Jar Jar Binks character as annoying, but frankly, he fit in with the writing for the rest of the cast.


The Grinch

Jim Carrey and Ron Howard did something I didn't think was possible...make Dr. Seuss dull and boring.


The Fifth Element

I could swear, I saw in the credits "Written & Directed by Ed Wood." This thing was definitely on a par with some of his garbage.

I can only come up with one theory as to why a studio executive would ever green light a total piece of crap like this. It involves a highly placed studio exec, a very mature looking 15 year old girl, several grams of cocaine, and a strategically placed camcorder.


St. Elmo's Fire

I'm still wishing Demi Moore's character had finished freezing to death in the "climax" of this piece of garbage.

I could probably come up with a few more, if pressed, but that's enough.

[korme]

Originally posted by Super Ugly
I deeply hate "Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels". All that Michael Caine mockney bullshit makes me want to leave this country forever.

SHAME SHAME

Cockny (i think) rhyming slang is actually really neat I think.

[korme]

Originally posted by WussGawd
Eyes Wide Shut:

I never thought a film featuring Nicole Kidman's breasts could be boring. Apparently, I was wrong. A better name would have been Eyes Wide Shut and Snoring, which is what I was doing by the end of it.

I heard a lot of good things about this movie, so I decide to watch it one night. Seemed like eternity. I couldn't make it through the what, 3 hours.

[WussGawd]

Originally posted by Shorty3281
I heard a lot of good things about this movie, so I decide to watch it one night. Seemed like eternity. I couldn't make it through the what, 3 hours.

3-1/2 hours.

Kubrick, Cruise, and Kidman forgot some basic tenets of filmmaking related to the erotic thriller genre.

First, the film should be erotic (this wasn't, it was just creepy).

Second, the film should be thrilling, not a self-indulgent piece of garbage.

[tucker342]

Ghosts of Mars - TERRIBLE MOVIE!!!

[sabotai]

Wing Commander was a pretty bad one.

[astralhaze]

Wow.

I liked "AI", "Eyes Wide Shut", and "Moulin Rouge".

Then again, I am rarely with the rest of the class on most things.

[Jets80]

Any move with Shaq in it.

[IMetTrentGreen]

a knights tale. not only was the acting bad, not only was the script the same story hollywood always tells, but it was the most predictable movie i have ever seen. every movie has at least one plot twist, youd think, but not this one. i guessed about 10 things before they happened, which is saying something, because im usually horrible at that

anyway, that movie stunk out loud

[Jets80]

A knights tale was kick ass......I watched it like 10 times when it was on HBO.

[McSweeny]

the mothman prophecies was horrible... good thing my buddies and i were immature enough to make butt-sex jokes the whole time to make the experience bearable

[JeeberD]

Mmmmmmmmm.....butt sex....gurgle....

[Jets80]

Originally posted by McSweeny
good thing me and my buddies had butt-sex to make the experience bearable

Must have been a pretty bad movie.....

[3ric]

"Escape from L.A.", "Blair Witch Project", "Velvet Goldmine", and because all the leads were either overacting or just going through the motions: "Wag the dog".

[Ragone]

Vanilla Sky was equally bad in my mind.. Everyone kept telling me to watch it.. and it was incredibly disappointing

[DukeRulesMAB]

I don't have a complete top 5, but an unquestioned #1:

Batman and Robin

The first and (to date) only movie to actively anger me while watching it. After about the tenth ice pun from Arhold, I threw a show at the TV. Not one single redeeming quality about this stinker.


Though I don't know if they are bottom 5 movies, some others I really disliked:

Vertical Limit - So they saved the girl. Yay. Unfortunately, 4 people died in the process of saving one person. I didn't notice much reflection on this fact either. Fortunately, those 4 people were minor characters, and some of them weren't even attractive white people, so it evens out.

Star Wars Ep 1/2

1 was worse. I had braced myself for Jar Jar going in, but I had not braced myself for that damn kid, who gave the worst, most irritating acting performance ever. His presense even ruined the climactic battle seen, which was already subpar for the franchise, but still had a chance of being good enough to redeem the movie slightly. Ep. 2 was even worse for the first two hours, with the romantic dialouge being the worst script this side of Batman & Robin, but the battle finale was solid, so that dragged it up some.

Titantic

Uber-crap. Not only was the DiCaprio character entirely unbelievable (any scene that involved him hitting someone and it hurting ruined the suspension of disbelief; I'm almost positive Winslet outweighed him and could have kicked his ass), but it was also incredibly manipulative. The special effects were truly impressive, saving it from a sure bottom 5-er. I've never less understood why a movie was praised so highly.

Howling 2

This is borderline, but I think it originally got a wide theatrical release (there's an Ebert review for it). The original is my favorite horror movie ever; this one was apparently filmed on PCP. Too nonsensical to reach truly bad levels.


I hated Moulin Rouge as well, but I fully acknowledge that's a matter of personal taste. I'm just not a musical-loving person.

[Craptacular]

This thread is one of those things that makes me happy I don't go to the theater more than once or twice a year.

P.S. Fifth Element rocks.

[PilotMan]

I have to say that one of the worst movies of all time, was

Cool World

I think Brad Pitt, was in this stinker.

[oykib]

Originally posted by PilotMan
I have to say that one of the worst movies of all time, was

Cool World

I think Brad Pitt, was in this stinker.

You and me both, Pilotman. Damn, I hate that movie!!!

[KWhit]

Originally posted by Ragone
Vanilla Sky was equally bad in my mind.. Everyone kept telling me to watch it.. and it was incredibly disappointing

Holy disfigurement, Batman! I loved Vanilla Sky. Cameron Crowe is the man, and I thought it was a great film.

But I generally go for the things that are different. I get so tired of normal Hollywood movies that have the same plot devices all the time.

[cthomer5000]

Originally posted by tucker342
Ghosts of Mars - TERRIBLE MOVIE!!!

mission to mars was even worse. i've never heard a theater laughing so loud at parts that were not supposed to be funny. everyone hated it.

[cthomer5000]

Originally posted by KWhit
Holy disfigurement, Batman! I loved Vanilla Sky. Cameron Crowe is the man, and I thought it was a great film.

But I generally go for the things that are different. I get so tired of normal Hollywood movies that have the same plot devices all the time.

I loved it as well, but I found this movie really split people right down the middle.

[scooper]

My wife(then girlfriend) and I went to see Showgirls in a discount theater. It was sort of a watching a trainwreck decision. We had to see just how bad it was. I'm not sure what was worse, the movie or the old guy sitting a few rows back with the newspaper in his lap.

[Draft Dodger]

5) Moulin Rouge - hate musicals, but watched with an open mind - for about 40 minutes.
4) Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas - couldn't watch more than 30 minutes. simply horrible.
3) Eyes Wide Shut - hmmm, 2 Nicole Kidman movies which doesn't seem fair. Just the thought of that single piano note makes me cringe.
2) Scooby Doo - yuk.
1) Highlander 2: The Quickening - the closest I've ever been to walking out of a theater (I was one of the few who didn't).

[Draft Dodger]

Originally posted by astralhaze
Wow.

I liked "AI", "Eyes Wide Shut", and "Moulin Rouge".

Then again, I am rarely with the rest of the class on most things.

well, we finally disagree on something.

[Critch]

Highlander 4: Endgame - The first one was ok, the other 3 were crap, but this one was the worst. It's all the people off the tv show, and it's remarkably awful. It's even worse than Highlander 2.

Sixth Sense - Heard all the great reviews and was thoroughly disappointed. Wasn't the "twist" at the end obvious within the first 15 minutes?

[moriarty]

Originally posted by Critch

Sixth Sense - Heard all the great reviews and was thoroughly disappointed. Wasn't the "twist" at the end obvious within the first 15 minutes?

It certainly was obvious for anyone who had seen Jacob's Ladder several years earlier with the exact same premise and twist.

[Mountain]

I have three that are equally bad, meaning I'd rahter be naked staked to a red ant mound with molasses poured over my body then to sit through these movies.

1) Dungeons & Dragons. Simply awful.

2) The New Guy: Anything with Eddie Griffin in it is suspect. The whiny skinny hopelessly annoying lead charcter deserved to get his butt kicked repeatedly and often.

3) Ishtar: Great cast. Simply the worst road movie ever made.

[mckerney]

Plan 9 From Outerspace - A movie so bad it's enjoyable because of it. Worst dialouge ever, a police officer who scratches his face with his pistol while giving lines, day switching to night and back some 20 times in a 3 minute span.



Lord of the Rings - Just awful

[revrew]

In contrast to others, I put Matrix and Sixth Sense and Titanic on my TOP 10 all-time list (okay, maybe 20). Didn't think LoR or Star Wars 1/2 belong on these lists, though I agree all three were disappointing.

My worsts are:
Slapshot - Outside of the glasses-clad bash brothers, this was just wretched.

Can't Remember the Name It Was So Bad -- Tim Allen and Rene Russo in Miami. Relatively recent "comedy". Omigosh was it bad. Anybody know the title?

[bbor]

What is wrong with you people???

Caddyshack and Slapshot as worst movies ever????

My worst.

Joe Versus the volcano
Eyes wide shut
anything with Bette Midler.....Sally Field.....Barbara Striesand.....Meryl Streep.....i want to kill them all :D

[Schmidty]

Originally posted by mckerney

[b]Lord of the Rings - Just awful

:eek:

Wow. That's some really bad taste you have there.

Someone just got put on my ignore list. ;)

edit: forgot to put a winky.....

[Samdari]

Wow, seemingly universal agreement on the FOFC general page. Noone seems to have thought Eyes Wide Shut was particularly sexy at all. Very disappointing, for a movie that was supposed to be so hot. I went in with high expectations, and had heard a lot about Leelee Sobieski in this movie. Huh? Two scenes for a total of 30 seconds and no lines? Why would anything written about this movie even mention her?

bbor is onto something, but rather than threadjack, I will start anew.

[John Galt]

Originally posted by Samdari
Wow, seemingly universal agreement on the FOFC general page. Noone seems to have thought Eyes Wide Shut was particularly sexy at all. Very disappointing, for a movie that was supposed to be so hot. I went in with high expectations, and had heard a lot about Leelee Sobieski in this movie. Huh? Two scenes for a total of 30 seconds and no lines? Why would anything written about this movie even mention her?

bbor is onto something, but rather than threadjack, I will start anew.

I (and a few others in this thread) liked Eyes Wide Shut. I own the movie and think it is a great exploration of the nuances of sexual fantasy and mundane reality.

[cuervo72]

Ah - I just remembered! Sometime in the last year or so there was a Chuck Norris made for TV movie where he and 2 other special forces types go to the middle east and take down a terrorist leader. I think this is it (http://us.imdb.com/Title?0304584) - The President's Man: A Line in the Sand. Looks like it was produced in about a week, and it was completely wretched. I can't believe I forgot about this one.

[Anrhydeddu]

Anyone seen that Kevin Bacon movie they keep showing over and over on TBS (I believe) about being stuck out in the desert and this huge worm-like creature keeps popping up?

[scooper]

That's Tremors. I loved that movie. Hokie, but fun.

[cschex]

Yeah, Tremors is great. Even more fun when you watch the dubbed version on TBS or USA

Just off the top of my head

Wild Wild West I think this was the only movie that actually offended me and the only movie I've ever demanded my money back from.

Bonfire of the Vanities Ye gods, they completely missed out on every redeeming quality of the book with this movie. Horrid casting job and a yawner of a script

Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle Why? Cartoon is classic, this was a complete load of garbage.

[Samdari]

Beyond my commentary on the (temporary, THANKS JOHN) agreement here, and the unfortunate starting of the "chick flick warning actresses" thread, I did not mention the worst movie I have ever seen.

Mine would support the theory that the words "Co-starring Rosie O'Donnell" are not as scary as "Stephen King's Directorial Debut." Maximum Overdrive is the worst movie I have ever seen. A quick check if IMBD shows that he has writing credits from 70+ movies, and yet has never been asked to direct again after this disaster. As a bonus, it has a soundtrack with AC/DC at their worst.

[GrantDawg]

Originally posted by revrew

Can't Remember the Name It Was So Bad -- Tim Allen and Rene Russo in Miami. Relatively recent "comedy". Omigosh was it bad. Anybody know the title?

"Big Trouble"

Movie from the first novel by Dave Barry. It wasn't that bad, but wasn't good either.

[EagleFan]

Eyes Wide Shut - When will it ever end?

Zoolander - At least I didn't waste as much time as Eyes Wide Shut on it.

Caddeyshack 2 - The original is a classic.

Rocky 5 - The original was great but they got progressively worse until that pile of crap.

Titanic / Pearl Harbor - A bad Hollywood tactic of taking a tragic event from history and throwing in a love story to sell it.

Pumpkinhead - Yawn.

Deep Impact - That girl only wanted to stay with her parents so she could get killed and not have to watch the movie.

[Qwikshot]

Has anyone else seen "Freddy Got Fingered"? I was smart enough to wait for it on cable, but sheesh, someone had to have been an unwitting participant in viewing this garbage?

[astralhaze]

Originally posted by KWhit
Holy disfigurement, Batman! I loved Vanilla Sky. Cameron Crowe is the man, and I thought it was a great film.

But I generally go for the things that are different. I get so tired of normal Hollywood movies that have the same plot devices all the time.

If you like Vanilla Sky, check out the original Spanish film Abre Los Ojos. Far superior in every single way, including acting and directing.

[astralhaze]

Originally posted by John Galt
I (and a few others in this thread) liked Eyes Wide Shut. I own the movie and think it is a great exploration of the nuances of sexual fantasy and mundane reality.

Yes yes ya'll. Also the fragility of trust in relationships. For me, that was the main point but everyone views art differently :)

[Draft Dodger]

oops - just realized after reading some of the other entries that I left off Dungeons and Dragons (there's not enough room to list everything that is so, so, so wrong with this movie) and Joe vs the Volcano.

[Vince]

3) Eyes Wide Shut - I am convinced that the person who wrote the soundtrack was deaf, and that the person who performed the soundtrack was not only blind, but had no hands. Horrible, horrible music. On top of that, it just went on and on, and was just weird.

2) Zoolander - I am surprised that I didn't like this movie...everyone I know loved it, and I usually like Ben Stiller movies. But this one was just ridiculously stupid the entire way through. I seriously felt stupider having watched it. The 'eugoogly' scene was the only time I was even close to laughing...thank god I waited until AFTER finals to watch this one.

1) Michael - I don't even remember what it was that I hated about this movie, but it was the largest waste of time I have ever experienced. It was absolute garbage. And John Travolta is usually good...

Honorable mention: Meet Joe Black (the crowd in the theater actually cheered at one fadeout, only to groan when the movie kept going), Star Wars II: Attack of the Clones, and Dude, Where's my Car?

[WussGawd]

Originally posted by John Galt
I (and a few others in this thread) liked Eyes Wide Shut. I own the movie and think it is a great exploration of the nuances of sexual fantasy and mundane reality.

Obviously, this was what they were shooting for, but the payoff was so abominably slow.

Honestly, Eyes Wide Shut would have been a far better film if about a third of the finished product had simply been left on the cutting room floor

[oykib]

I know that I'm the one that posted the ground rules saying that we shouldn't turn this into a genre-bash. But does anyone else become disgusted during a viewing of almost any Hollywood chick flick ( Some of the indy stuff and a lot of the older stuff is good ).

I mean, the storylines and dialogue are ridiculous. The plot and scripting are basically by-the-numbers. These movies are so demographicallyy targeted that I feel dirty watching them-- like I was being taken advantage of. They're like porno for women.