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View Full Version : OT - Disturbing rise in cheese-related crime

QuikSand
05-06-2003, 02:17 PM
Finally! Something from the local papers worth sharing!

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http://www.hometownannapolis.com/cgi-bin/read/2003/05_05-02/FOR

Police beat: May 5
ANNAPOLIS AREA

Cheesy crime

City police are investigating a cheesy crime, after an Annapolis man reported vandals used the dairy product to deface his van.

The Parole neighborhood resident said he awoke at 8:20 Saturday morning to find the windows and windshield of his brown, 1992 Plymouth van covered in dozens of square pieces of American cheese. He told police when he had parked the van in front of his home on Dominoe Road the night before, it was fine.

City police said the vandals had placed "many" square slices of American cheese on the vehicle, smearing some of them and spelling words with others.

On the windshield, police found the words "Say cheese" and the man's name spelled out with the slices. The Capital is withholding the man's name because of the nature of the incident.
QuikSand
05-06-2003, 02:18 PM
Okay... we're worried about the name of the victim here because of the "nature of the incident." Hmm? We reveal rape and murder victims, sure, but when it comes to cheese, you gotta be careful.
vex
05-06-2003, 02:19 PM
I like cheese.
QuikSand
05-06-2003, 02:19 PM
By the way, before you ask, no. Anyway, my Plymouth van is a 1994, and it's light brown.
Craptacular
05-06-2003, 02:19 PM
I hate cheese, and I drive a 1992 Plymouth. Maybe I'm next.
Fritz
05-06-2003, 02:22 PM
Quik drives a van?
QuikSand
05-06-2003, 02:24 PM
No, I just don't use smilies or winkies, and my irony is lost.
Fritz
05-06-2003, 02:27 PM
No backtracking for you mister. I bet you also bought a ton of UPS uniforms off ebay.

we are on to you.
Franklinnoble
05-06-2003, 02:30 PM
Just when I'm about finished field-stripping my M-1 and preparing to shoot the loud talker in the cubicle next door, a story like this comes along and brightens my day...
Craptacular
05-06-2003, 02:30 PM
Now that I followed the link, I actually like the next story, where someone broke into a house and stole a TV, tools, a boat, and <b>100 pounds of frozen meat</b>.

edit: Oops, it's $100, not 100 lbs. Wonder if it was steak or Taco Bell grade imitation beef.
Bee
05-06-2003, 02:33 PM
At least they used American cheese instead of that French stuff...
Franklinnoble
05-06-2003, 02:43 PM
I'd have used twinkies.
Bee
05-06-2003, 02:44 PM
Originally posted by Franklinnoble
I'd have used twinkies.

That would have been a good waste of quality food.
Fidatelo
05-06-2003, 02:49 PM
Originally posted by Bee
At least they used American cheese instead of that French stuff...

You mean Freedom Cheese? I agree, I hate that stuff! :D
QuikSand
05-06-2003, 03:00 PM
Originally posted by Craptacular
Now that I followed the link, I actually like the next story, where someone broke into a house and stole a TV, tools, a boat, and <b>100 pounds of frozen meat</b>.

Hmm... maybe the cheese vandal and meat bandit ought to get together on this. Wouldn't be kosher, but might make a mean sammich!

If we can just find a guy who robbed a bank with a bottle of barbecue sauce, we'll be all set!
ctmason
05-06-2003, 03:05 PM
Originally posted by Craptacular
Now that I followed the link, I actually like the next story, where someone broke into a house and stole a TV, tools, a boat, and <b>100 pounds of frozen meat</b>.

Why do theives steal tools? They aren't going to fix up anything. They aren't in the shed saying, "Hold on, honey, I'll be in for that dinner of sausages I stole right after I finish fixing this outboard motor I stole with the tools I stole."

Actually, they just very well MIGHT do that.
sterlingice
05-06-2003, 03:07 PM
More cheese and car related news (http://www.cnn.com/2003/US/South/05/05/offbeat.cheese.car/index.html)


SI
QuikSand
05-06-2003, 03:16 PM
Originally found in sterlingice's link above:
Celebrities Victor has been commissioned to depict in food sculptures include Mickey Rooney, Anne Miller and Robin Williams.

How do you make any sense of this at all? Cheese sculpting is weird enough... but a cheese sculpture of Mickey Rooney?
Marmel
05-06-2003, 03:21 PM
Originally posted by QuikSand
Originally found in sterlingice's link above:


How do you make any sense of this at all? Cheese sculpting is weird enough... but a cheese sculpture of Mickey Rooney?


Oh, but Robin Williams is OK?
Franklinnoble
05-06-2003, 03:21 PM
Originally posted by QuikSand
Originally found in sterlingice's link above:


How do you make any sense of this at all? Cheese sculpting is weird enough... but a cheese sculpture of Mickey Rooney?

I'd like to commission a life-size cheese sculpture of Salma Hayek... nude, and assuming a compromising position.
Bee
05-06-2003, 03:34 PM
Originally posted by Franklinnoble
I'd like to commission a life-size cheese sculpture of Salma Hayek... nude, and assuming a compromising position.

I'm assuming you'd want swiss cheese?
JeeberD
05-06-2003, 03:43 PM
Ah, the power of chesse...
tucker342
05-06-2003, 03:57 PM
I won't be able to sleep soundly until I know that this rise in cheese-related crime has evened out...

I'm scared:eek:
sterlingice
05-06-2003, 03:58 PM
Originally posted by JeeberD
Ah, the power of chesse...

I believe it's "Behold the Power of Cheese".

No, really, I don't watch too much tv.

SI
Qwikshot
05-06-2003, 04:12 PM
Maybe their keeping his name a secret because it's related to cheese in some way...
JeeberD
05-06-2003, 04:24 PM
Originally posted by sterlingice
I believe it's "Behold the Power of Cheese".



I thought it was "ah" in some and "behold" in other commercials. I could certainly be wrong though. It's happened once before... ;)
GrantDawg
05-06-2003, 04:58 PM
Originally posted by vexroid
I like cheese.

I like the moon.
CamEdwards
05-06-2003, 05:00 PM
I never had my car "cheesed" before, but I remember when it got "biscuited" back in high school.
sterlingice
05-06-2003, 05:17 PM
m-o-o-n, that spells cheese?

SI
Franklinnoble
05-06-2003, 05:19 PM
Originally posted by sterlingice
m-o-o-n, that spells cheese?

SI

Am I the only other person who 'gets' this?
JeeberD
05-06-2003, 05:35 PM
Gotta love obscure Stephen King references... :)
sterlingice
05-06-2003, 08:46 PM
I didn't think it was all that obscure, is it?

The made-for-tv movie is on Sci-Fi every few months and while the effects look pretty crappy, the story is pretty much still there and it has a great cast. Not only that, but it still has one of the greatest uses of music with BOC's "Don't Fear the Reaper". That was definately the longest book I've ever read, too, but I'm not much of a reader.

SI
Qwikshot
05-06-2003, 08:59 PM
Originally posted by sterlingice
I didn't think it was all that obscure, is it?

The made-for-tv movie is on Sci-Fi every few months and while the effects look pretty crappy, the story is pretty much still there and it has a great cast. Not only that, but it still has one of the greatest uses of music with BOC's "Don't Fear the Reaper". That was definately the longest book I've ever read, too, but I'm not much of a reader.

SI

The Stand was the only Stephen King book that I put down and stopped reading...I just could not get into it...perhaps because the idea is possible, more possible than werewolves and vampires...King really needs to retire for a bit, he's been scraping the barrel for ideas...Tommyknockers ala Dreamcatcher...from a Buick Eight ala Christine...Insomnia was just plain bad...I did enjoy Everything Eventually, but I gotta admit, I loved the short story anthologies like Skeleton Crew and Night Shift which had a bunch of stories...even Nightmares and Dreamscapes was a little light on the stories...

I applaud the man for writing so much, and a lot of his work has been very enjoyable, but I think he's hit a wall when it comes to horror, and he's just been rehashing old plotlines (Black House ala Talisman).
sterlingice
05-06-2003, 09:01 PM
Well, The Stand is actually the only one of his I've read. Again, I'm not much of a reader.

SI
kcchief19
05-06-2003, 09:09 PM
Well, this guy and I were having a feud in high school and he wrote on my windshield with shaving cream, so I wrote on his Camaro with cheese in a can, so I guess I'm also guilty of felonious use of cheese-related products.

By the way, you wouldn't think that cheese in a can would be effective, but when it's 104 degrees in July, it can be a powerful weapon when applied to a Z24.
JeeberD
05-06-2003, 11:08 PM
Originally posted by Qwikshot
King really needs to retire for a bit, he's been scraping the barrel for ideas...Tommyknockers ala Dreamcatcher...from a Buick Eight ala Christine...Insomnia was just plain bad...

I applaud the man for writing so much, and a lot of his work has been very enjoyable, but I think he's hit a wall when it comes to horror, and he's just been rehashing old plotlines (Black House ala Talisman).

Sorry, but I'm a HUGE King fan, having read just about everything that he's ever put out. First of all, Christine and From a Buick 8 are nothing alike. The only thing they have in common is that they involve cars. That's it.

Second, I really enjoyed Insomnia. The great thing about King is that almost all of his novels connect in some way, and Insomnia connects to It, the Dark Tower series, and several other books as well.

Tommyknockers wasn't his best book by any means, but Dreamcatcher was an very good book that I thouroughly enjoyed.

Also, Black House is the sequal to The Talisman, so that's why they're similair, but they aren't the same plotline at all.

Have you read any of the Dark Tower series? It's a great read. There are four books out right now, and the three final books should be out in the next couple of years (starting in December). The universe in the DT series is pretty much the central terminal of Stephen King's books. Everything leads back to the Tower. I have so much fun reading his books, rereading them, catching references that I didn't catch before.

I know that I'm not alone in feeling like this. I just can't get enough of SK, and I'm going to be really, really sad when he retires...