nilodor
05-12-2014, 01:33 PM
IWS #218 - Stupid get a performance review
Stupid gets an email monday morning that he will be receiving a performance review this friday. He opens up the email to find a 3 question questionnaire.
1. What is your best skill that you provide the company?
12 - Hard working/Works hard
6 - Communication/Customer Service
2 - People Person
1 - Attention to Detail
1 - Loyalty
1 - Excel skills
1 - Leadership
So this was a fun one, this one required less interpretation than the next question. It broke down along the lines I thought with it being a showdown between hard work and communication. I'd be interested knowing how many of the respondents are technical people vs managers/sales as my guess is that would be close to the hard work/communication split.
2. What is the one area that you need to improve upon?
7 - Communication/Customer Service
4 - Perfectionist/Takes on too much/Works too hard
3 - Efficiency/Procrastination/Time Management
3 - Organization
2 - Punctuality
1 - Discipline
1 - Too Nice
1 - People Skills
1 - Team work
1 - Patience
As I thought this was the most fun one. I tried to group things together by what I interpreted the intent of their answer was. Props to the two entries that repeated the answer from the first question. I was expecting an inverse of question one with Hard work being paired with communication, then to get some random answers out of people who put communication for Q1, however the most likely pairing was Hard Work/Perfectionist, so what do I know? Also FWIW my interpretation did not affect the eventual winner, although without it one of the second place entries would have gotten fired.
3. What percent raise do you feel that you deserve?
18 - 10%
2 - 5%
1 - 50%
1 - 20%
1 - 3%
1 - 1%
I thought this would be split a lot more between 5 and 10%. Guess 5 is not a round enough number. Props to those who would ask for a 50% raise, and answering the question number is too smart for stupid.
Stupid submits the email and anxiously awaits his review on friday. When stupid arrives to the review he sees three other employees sitting in the room and several board games. Stupid is informed that he can select any game, however only the winner will be retained with the company.
4. Which board game does stupid select?
18 - Monopoly
2 - Chess
2 - Risk
1 - Checkers
1 - Scrabble
Monopoly was my guess, turns out it was the right one. Thought this quiz needed an eliminator.
Amazingly after a long drawn out match stupid wins the board game. Sweaty and nerve wracked stupid is ushered into an adjoining room. Stupid is informed that his office will be closing but there will be a position available for him in another office. The company has offices in most major Canadian and US cities.
5. Which office does he choose to transfer to?
19 - New York
3 - Los Angeles
1 - Honolulu
1 - Calgary
Didn't think I'd have 3 eliminators. I was going to write that the office was in New York because I was a little afraid of this, but I thought that enough people would pick LA or Chicago. You couldn't pay me enough to work/live in NYC. This is the one question I would have liked back. Thumbs up to the person who picked my hometown.
Upon arriving for the first day of work at his new job he is told that he has shown impressive skills and has been promoted to branch manager. He is allowed to select any office on the floor.
6. Which direction do the windows in his office face?
9 - North
6 - West
5 - East
4 - South
This was the craziest answer for me. Here you would almost rather have an interior office than one that faces North because you would want some sunshine. Apparently you would just fry anywhere else. I thought this answer would also be quite city dependent, but apparently not.
Thank you to all of those who entered, I'll try and do better the next time!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Still working, just not getting paid
MIJB #19 190
ntndeacon 5832
Scarecrow 9072
StLee 12312
Butter of 69 15552
Mailroom attendant
jbergey22 24624
Suburban Rhythm 36936
sterlingice 41040
Flere-Imsaho 49248
britrock88 65664
Middle management
Abe Sargent 73872
Lathum 73872
Pyser 92340
PurdueBrad 258552
nol 489888
NobodyHere 517104
Star on the rise
ColtCrazy 664848
cartman 734832
Timmae 1108080
B & B 1108080
albionmoonlight 1181952
On the board
Danny 2326968
Vince, Pt. II 2326968
The new CEO
Umbrella 2659392
Winner and undisputed champion of the office ---- UMBRELLA!!!
Stupid gets an email monday morning that he will be receiving a performance review this friday. He opens up the email to find a 3 question questionnaire.
1. What is your best skill that you provide the company?
12 - Hard working/Works hard
6 - Communication/Customer Service
2 - People Person
1 - Attention to Detail
1 - Loyalty
1 - Excel skills
1 - Leadership
So this was a fun one, this one required less interpretation than the next question. It broke down along the lines I thought with it being a showdown between hard work and communication. I'd be interested knowing how many of the respondents are technical people vs managers/sales as my guess is that would be close to the hard work/communication split.
2. What is the one area that you need to improve upon?
7 - Communication/Customer Service
4 - Perfectionist/Takes on too much/Works too hard
3 - Efficiency/Procrastination/Time Management
3 - Organization
2 - Punctuality
1 - Discipline
1 - Too Nice
1 - People Skills
1 - Team work
1 - Patience
As I thought this was the most fun one. I tried to group things together by what I interpreted the intent of their answer was. Props to the two entries that repeated the answer from the first question. I was expecting an inverse of question one with Hard work being paired with communication, then to get some random answers out of people who put communication for Q1, however the most likely pairing was Hard Work/Perfectionist, so what do I know? Also FWIW my interpretation did not affect the eventual winner, although without it one of the second place entries would have gotten fired.
3. What percent raise do you feel that you deserve?
18 - 10%
2 - 5%
1 - 50%
1 - 20%
1 - 3%
1 - 1%
I thought this would be split a lot more between 5 and 10%. Guess 5 is not a round enough number. Props to those who would ask for a 50% raise, and answering the question number is too smart for stupid.
Stupid submits the email and anxiously awaits his review on friday. When stupid arrives to the review he sees three other employees sitting in the room and several board games. Stupid is informed that he can select any game, however only the winner will be retained with the company.
4. Which board game does stupid select?
18 - Monopoly
2 - Chess
2 - Risk
1 - Checkers
1 - Scrabble
Monopoly was my guess, turns out it was the right one. Thought this quiz needed an eliminator.
Amazingly after a long drawn out match stupid wins the board game. Sweaty and nerve wracked stupid is ushered into an adjoining room. Stupid is informed that his office will be closing but there will be a position available for him in another office. The company has offices in most major Canadian and US cities.
5. Which office does he choose to transfer to?
19 - New York
3 - Los Angeles
1 - Honolulu
1 - Calgary
Didn't think I'd have 3 eliminators. I was going to write that the office was in New York because I was a little afraid of this, but I thought that enough people would pick LA or Chicago. You couldn't pay me enough to work/live in NYC. This is the one question I would have liked back. Thumbs up to the person who picked my hometown.
Upon arriving for the first day of work at his new job he is told that he has shown impressive skills and has been promoted to branch manager. He is allowed to select any office on the floor.
6. Which direction do the windows in his office face?
9 - North
6 - West
5 - East
4 - South
This was the craziest answer for me. Here you would almost rather have an interior office than one that faces North because you would want some sunshine. Apparently you would just fry anywhere else. I thought this answer would also be quite city dependent, but apparently not.
Thank you to all of those who entered, I'll try and do better the next time!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Still working, just not getting paid
MIJB #19 190
ntndeacon 5832
Scarecrow 9072
StLee 12312
Butter of 69 15552
Mailroom attendant
jbergey22 24624
Suburban Rhythm 36936
sterlingice 41040
Flere-Imsaho 49248
britrock88 65664
Middle management
Abe Sargent 73872
Lathum 73872
Pyser 92340
PurdueBrad 258552
nol 489888
NobodyHere 517104
Star on the rise
ColtCrazy 664848
cartman 734832
Timmae 1108080
B & B 1108080
albionmoonlight 1181952
On the board
Danny 2326968
Vince, Pt. II 2326968
The new CEO
Umbrella 2659392
Winner and undisputed champion of the office ---- UMBRELLA!!!