Child Custody for unmarried parents - Anyone know anything about it?

[Julio Riddols]

My fiancee has decided to leave me after I spent 3 years as a stay at home father to my son (We made this arrangement mutually because she had a better job and we couldn't afford day care). She is continuously lying to me and keeping things from me regarding who she has my son around when she is watching him, and I am getting to the point where I am considering seeking custody of him. I live in North Carolina by the way.

Anyway, she moved out before I even had a chance to get a job after telling me she wanted to leave. I found out she was cheating on me with an illegal immigrant who works for her at her hotel. I have already submitted a report to immigration about his status because he apparently has no qualms with breaking up a family despite being illegal. The reason I know he is illegal is because she is the assistant manager at the hotel and recently was asked for tax information regarding the workers there. She then discovered many of the housekeeping staff were illegal, and her boss told her he would handle it. She told me about this.

Anyway, now a month later I have a job and I am getting a car soon, and she continues to be a total bitch to say the least when it comes to respecting my wishes regarding our son. She continues to have him around this other guy against my wishes and is now digging in her heels apparently, really pushing me to consider going after full custody of my son.

I live in a small apartment, about the equivalent of a basic one bedroom apartment in most places. I don't make a ton at work, probably 9 or 10 dollars an hour (I haven't yet received any information regarding the pay I am receiving, but I anticipate finding that out tonight)

Anyway, does anyone have any experience or knowledge they can share regarding this? I have the support of her mother and sister in this situation, and I don't know if that will be a factor or not if this ends up going to court. My son is almost 4 years old, and I really don't want to do this to him, but she refuses to be civil about things. I feel like I have no other choice. Thanks in advance to any who can help. I never thought in a million years this would happen, but I guess it goes to show you can't believe much of anything that comes out of a girl's mouth these days.

[JonInMiddleGA]

I know very little except that NC is one of the better states with regard to father's rights (based on friends who have gone through bitter divorce & custody battles there). A father can, sometimes, actually win a custody fight there.

I also know that finding an attorney a.s.a.p. is probably critical, and -- unfortunately -- the process can be hellishly expensive. My friend is some $20k-$25k into things & they're still not done more than a year later. Not what you want to hear but I figure the sooner you explore that the better.

The only other advice I might have, based again largely on what he's shared with me: document everything. Every minute you spend with the child, every dollar you spend, everything she does that might weigh on the court's eventual decision. Basically ... everything.

I wish you the very best of luck.

[Lathum]

No knowledge but good luck man, I can't imagine going through that.

[Julio Riddols]

Many thanks, man. I am already trying to get in contact with lawyers, and I will be taking a second job soon as well, partly to keep myself busy, partly to increase my cash flow. I know I will probably need the cash if I can't find anything cheap or free. I will document as much as I can, that is something I hadn't really considered doing because things weren't bad until just today.

[Eaglesfan27]

It seems to vary from state to state but many (all?) states are focused on the "best interest of the child." I'm not sure about the specifics down there. Good luck!

[Logan]

No advice to offer but good luck man.

[CU Tiger]

#1 Good Luck, man.
#2 If you ever want an ear or someone to share a beer Im not far away and travel through that way semi frequently.
#3 Jon nailed it actually NC is better than many states.
#4 If you are facebookers learn to print screen shots on almost every post she makes, regardless how insoignificant. this very action got my brother custody of his kids because it showed a "pattern of instability and lack of touch with reality"
#5 NC has some free lawyer services
#6 (Finally) what field do you work in, looking for work in, experience/interests etc. I have some friends in the general area (though maybe too far but Ill put some feelers out)

[Kodos]

Wow. Sounds like an awful situation. Can't provide any useful advice, but hang in there for your son.

[Julio Riddols]

I'm doing my best. :)

CU Tiger: Right now I am working as a night auditor at a hotel, I have a good deal of customer service experience at an inbound call center, and I have several years of factory experience. Nothing great or anything, I'm pretty much relegated to entry level jobs for the mostpart.

[SegRat]

Best wishes to you.

[JonInMiddleGA]

#5 NC has some free lawyer services

I didn't mention this because I don't quite fully get how things work up there but there's something like (my paraphrasing) a sort of arbitration type setting where sometimes custody issues are dealt with, maybe like a preliminary round (again paraphrasing greatly). It wasn't nearly as expensive based on what I heard/learned from my friend but I got the lowdown on the backside of that part of the process so I'm really not clear on it.

[Julio Riddols]

I'm looking into the free lawyer services today when I get off work probably.

[Drake]

As the stay-at-home parent for the last three years, I'd think you'd actually have a better custody case than most (especially in NC).

[britrock88]

Look into Pisgah Legal Services and Legal Aid of NC. They may not work on "ordinary" custody issues (short of abuse, special needs, etc.), but it can't hurt to try.