"Family Guy" Quotes Thread

[Happy29]

brian: Is there any way that I can repay you?
Stewie: You know that episode of the Brady Bunch when Bobby saves Greg's life, and Greg agrees to be Bobby's slave?
Brian: Yeah...
Stewie: well its on today at three and i want you to tape it for me. and put a good label on it.

[CHEMICAL SOLDIER]

Sorry if it offends people but here's a funny one :

Peter Griffin Is that really the blood of christ? Damn, that guy must've been wasted 24/7

[Aesyrqwe]

Peter (on phone): Hey is your refrigerator running? Cause if it is it probably runs just like you....
Very Homosexualy

Peter: Is that really the blood of Christ? Man that guy had to have been wasted 24/7

Lois: Peter did you get a new butt?
Peter: I had to, the old one had a crack in it.

Those are some good ones i can think of..

-Aes-

[Aesyrqwe]

Damn Chemical... beat me by a minute with that one...

-Aes-

[CHEMICAL SOLDIER]

Well ya know .....:)

[Calis]

Two of my favorite quotes from what is probably my favorite episode....


Lois: Peter, where's Chris?
Chris Griffin: I love you She Hulk.
Security Guard: All right son, I'm going to need those two hams back.
Chris Griffin: I...I don't have any hams.
Security Guard: Lift up your shirt son.
Chris Griffin: I need an adult! I need an adult!
Security Guard: You're not a shoplifter, you're just a fat kid. Sorry about that fatty, fat, fatty. Hey Tom, he's just a fat kid! Aren't ya fatty? He's a big ol' fat kid. Here's some chocolate fatso.
Chris Griffin: Thanks!

and.....

Diet Instiute Worker: Sir, you cant park your van in here.
Peter Griffin: Hey, thats my kid!
Diet Instiute Worker: Oh sorry.
Diet Instiute Worker: Hey, it's not a van, it's just a really fat kid!!

One more for good measure, great scene.

[Peter has to come up with a fake name on the spot, so he looks around the room to get inspiration]
Peter Griffin: Uh...my name is...
[he sees a pea]
Peter Griffin: Pea...
[he sees a woman crying]
Peter Griffin: ...tear...
[he sees a Griffin fly by]
Peter Griffin: ...Griffin. Peter Griffin.

[Craptacular]

In the episode where Chris, er, Christobal becomes an artist, Stewie says something like "I'm going to poop double for you tonight!" to Lois.

Of course, I still love the "oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no... (Kool-Aid man) Oh yeah!" sequence.

[Happy29]

stewie chris; do you want ice cream little dude
stewie ; yes , but no sprinkles . for every sprinkle i find , i shall kill you

[Sorry if this next one offends anyone]
[Peter is talking about his friend Joe who is in a wheelchair]

Peter :Well if Joe's so remarkable, can he do this? Oh look at me, I'm walking, I'm a remarkable man"

Mr. Weed: Peter! Are you sleeping on the job?
Peter: Uh, uh... no there’s a bug in my eye and I’m trying to suffocate him.

[AgPete]

I doubt it's word-for-word but....

Lois: I don't know Peter, I think this new fortune is really starting to affect the kids.

Peter: Ahhh, nonsense Lois.

Stewie: (to butler #1) You! Cut my coffee in half!

Butler #1: But I can't cut your coffee in half sir.

Stewie: Incompetent fool! (to butler #2 and #3) You two, fight to the death!

(key Star Trek fight music)

:D

[Radii]

My favorite line ever is from Quagmire in the lesbian bar, to the two chicks making out, with full head bob in effect:

"you two ladies ever been penetrated?"

[korme]

Originally posted by Calis
Diet Instiute Worker: Sir, you cant park your van in here.


Sir, you can't park your VAN on the diving board! HAHAHAHA

[Happy29]

Here's a humorous one

Stewie : Oh c'mon now I barely touched you! Really, stop it! Stop your boo-hooing! Stop it, I say! Stop it! You see, this is exactly why people don't respect the WNBA.

[mckerney]

Peter: "Christmas is the time of year when the ghost of Jesus comes back to life to haunt the lands. So we all sing Christmas Caroles to lull him back to sleep"
Bystander 1: "What blasphemy! I can't let him get away with saying that, I have to do something!"
Bystander 2: "There's nothing you can do..."
Bystander 1: "I guess I'll just have to develop a sense of humor."

[CHEMICAL SOLDIER]

Quagmire's lesbian bar quote is a classic .

[Calis]

Originally posted by Shorty3281
Sir, you can't park your VAN on the diving board! HAHAHAHA

Doh, good call Shorty! I couldn't remember the full quotes so I had to do a search and copy and paste, didn't even read the whole thing.