How to (successfully) hit on a coworker. [Archive]

NobodyHere

10-03-2021, 09:12 PM

Agree with Edward64.

Your place for a first date is a no no.

If it is possible, arrange a get together with lots of co-workers at a bar or something. Get a good conversation going with her and then ask if she would like to have lunch or dinner sometime.

If coworker get together is a no-go. Then yeah something simple like lunch or coffee would be best.

This kind was kind my first idea. I wanted to invite several coworkers together for a game of Euchre (which is a 4 player card game for you non-midwesterners). It had great initial reception but it fell apart at the last minute. The woman I want to date wasn't part of the reason it fell apart.

I do have a great excuse to owe her lunch. My coworkers and I went on a kayaking trip where she borrowed some of my sunscreen and she gave me her towel when I cut my ankle up bad and was using the said towel to keep it from getting infected. So in other words I owe her a towel.

sovereignstar v2

10-03-2021, 09:13 PM

Your place? Where are you putting her after you carve her up?

JPhillips

10-03-2021, 09:14 PM

Make sure you know any HR policies regarding workplace romance.

NobodyHere

10-03-2021, 09:15 PM

Make sure you know any HR policies regarding workplace romance.

It's a small business. The only policy is that it doesn't cause a problem for my boss.

JPhillips

10-03-2021, 09:56 PM

Well then, get an ugly guy with a long nose to help you write the offer.

PilotMan

10-03-2021, 11:28 PM

I would offer advice, since I married my hostess, and we're happily married, but then I think about all the really, really questionable shit I did a long, long time ago, and I think it's best that I back away slowly. Good Luck.

tarcone

10-03-2021, 11:38 PM

I married a co-worker. Be honest and be slow. Communication is key.

Vince, Pt. II

10-04-2021, 01:35 AM

You usually can't fail with cocky and funny.

This hasn't gotten enough love.

On a serious note, I'll back up the "1st date at your house is a no go" crowd. Personally, I think direct is best. Play the towel angle and offer to take her out to lunch.

Flasch186

10-04-2021, 05:55 AM

Think about something out in the area that you've kind of wanted to do that would be fun or interesting and see if she wants to take it in too. that way if it sucks with her at least you've checked out something cool... ie ax throwing, rage room, distillery, chocolate making, etc and grab a coffee or a drink beforehand and let her know that if you're a jerk or come off as too cocky or funny she can always bail on the ax throwing and you'd still go because its something you've always wanted to try. You're acknowledging that she has a parachute halfway through.

Ksyrup

10-04-2021, 07:27 AM

My wife asked me out during work but it was a grocery store and we were 19/20 (and it was 30 years ago), so probably not quite same deal.

Lathum

10-04-2021, 07:39 AM

You should see if you can go to her place. Tell her that way you know where she lives and can stop by anytime.

korme

10-04-2021, 09:34 AM

How long have you worked together? Do you get a sense she might be interested? Do you use dating apps?

NobodyHere

10-04-2021, 11:08 AM

I've worked with her for almost a year. I think she may be interested. I've tried dating apps but with no results.

RainMaker

10-04-2021, 03:47 PM

Grabbing lunch together is probably the easiest and least troublesome way to do it. Or grab a bite/drink after work.

It's tricky at work because if it goes south, it's just uncomfortable for both. I like to give myself a little plausible deniability on it in case she says no. That way you can play it off as just asking a co-worker to grab something to eat isntead of "asking on a date".

BYU 14

10-04-2021, 05:54 PM

I will pile on the first date at your place no way train, that just comes off bad and quite honestly reduces your odds of a favorable response, and makes you come off creepy.

I had superficial relationships with co-workers when I was single, that mostly were like friends with benefits, rather than anything serious, mainly because if you go down the serious path and things go south, work may not be a fun environment for one or both of you.

So my advice would be to be patient, be friends and see if there are sparks. Start with lunch, keep it light, listen and be empathetic, crack some jokes and follow her body language.

I had a very specific "game plan" for lack of better words for this. I would follow the blueprint above, watch for signs (eye contact, those deep smiles, touching me) that let me know there might be interest. I would then throw signs back, but not too obvious, which nearly always resulted in them making the first move. This puts you in a position, where if things don't work out, you are not the jerk, because she pursued you.

Finally, if things do progress, be honest with how you feel and what you want, then enjoy the moments.

Lathum

10-04-2021, 06:23 PM

Do you ever go to trivia night at a bar? Maybe get a tram of coworkers to go do that.

RainMaker

10-04-2021, 07:44 PM

Do you ever go to trivia night at a bar? Maybe get a tram of coworkers to go do that.

This is a good idea. People are different away from the office. You will get a much better gauge of her interest in a group setting.

Glengoyne

10-04-2021, 08:37 PM

You usually can't fail with cocky and funny.

See, I read the thread as "How to (successfully) hit a coworker", and it took the above to get me to look at this whole thing in a different and wonderful light.

P.S. Though I'll note that my way of reading it was pretty remarkable too.

NobodyHere

10-06-2021, 11:25 AM

On which date do I tell her that I hang around a forum with topics such as "hot child molester"?

molson

10-06-2021, 11:28 AM

On which date do I tell her that I hang around a forum with topics such as "hot child molester"?

I tried to explain this place to my girlfriend when I was going out for beers with Pilotman after work. So I'd say year 7 is good time to bring that up.

AnalBumCover

10-06-2021, 11:36 AM

I tried to explain this place to my girlfriend when I was going out for beers with Pilotman after work. So I'd say year 7 is good time to bring that up.

16 years together, 14 years married. And my wife still just refers to this group as "that football guys forum"

bob

10-06-2021, 12:08 PM

This would be a much better thread if you had left "successfully" out of the title.

sterlingice

10-06-2021, 02:13 PM

16 years together, 14 years married. And my wife still just refers to this group as "that football guys forum"

My numbers are even above that and it's still the same "the football message board" and she's even met like a half dozen people from here

SI

NobodyHere

10-06-2021, 02:42 PM

This would be a much better thread if you had left "successfully" out of the title.

I'm open to any idea.

NobodyHere

10-06-2021, 03:17 PM

See, I read the thread as "How to (successfully) hit a coworker", and it took the above to get me to look at this whole thing in a different and wonderful light.

P.S. Though I'll note that my way of reading it was pretty remarkable too.

After my day at work, this might be my next thread. (Although it involves a customer and not a coworker)

Kodos

10-06-2021, 04:00 PM

After my day at work, this might be my next thread. (Although it involves a customer and not a coworker)

Maybe you can arrange it such that you hit this person in a gallant way to protect her honor. Like maybe yell “SUZY IS NOT A BITCH!” and then you hit him with a haymaker. Or something cool like that. Women eat that stuff up!

Edward64

10-06-2021, 05:58 PM

Pics?

So when is the big day?

Mota

10-07-2021, 07:56 PM

This is definitely the thread I am most excited about seeing updates on right now, so there better be updates!

tarcone

10-07-2021, 08:05 PM

I think Nobody here blocked me so I have no advice. But I am following.

NobodyHere

10-07-2021, 08:11 PM

I think Nobody here blocked me so I have no advice. But I am following.

I haven't blocked anyone on FOFC except obvious trolls. But I don't see how rooting for Iowa will help me hit on my coworker.

tarcone

10-07-2021, 08:17 PM

I haven't blocked anyone on FOFC except obvious trolls. But I don't see how rooting for Iowa will help me hit my coworker.

And that is where you are wrong. Rooting for Iowa scored me many a chick. Even one in St. Louis.

Just kidding. The St. Louis girl went to Iowa and was a date and I was not in dating mode at that time. We went out once and then I really never heard from her again.

NobodyHere

10-09-2021, 05:46 PM

Maybe you can arrange it such that you hit this person in a gallant way to protect her honor. Like maybe yell “SUZY IS NOT A BITCH!” and then you hit him with a haymaker. Or something cool like that. Women eat that stuff up!

With some of the people at the place where I work that isn't a far strretch.

NobodyHere

10-09-2021, 05:49 PM

Tread carefully.

This has gotten me nowhere in my love life. I need something more bold.

NobodyHere

10-09-2021, 07:36 PM

This is a good idea. People are different away from the office. You will get a much better gauge of her interest in a group setting.

I will suggest this.

Lathum

10-09-2021, 08:10 PM

I will suggest this.

Make sure you tell them Lathum from your online football sim forum had the idea...

NobodyHere

10-09-2021, 08:28 PM

Make sure you tell them Lathum from your online football sim forum had the idea...

By the way, I noticed we have a customer called "Lathum Hardware" in our database. Is this you or is someone getting on on your good name?

tarcone

10-09-2021, 09:08 PM

Make sure you tell them Lathum from your online football sim forum had the idea...

<iframe width="560" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/KqxjRzzGn8k" title="YouTube video player" frameborder="0" allow="accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen></iframe>

Danny

10-10-2021, 12:22 AM

If you like / care about your job I'd advise to simply not go there and look elsewhere

MizzouRah

10-10-2021, 08:03 AM

My wife of 20 years, our first date was at my apartment watching movies. Of course I had a water bed so I was cool. :)

Bee

10-10-2021, 09:21 AM

Get a Super Smash Brothers game cartridge and while holding it ask her to come over and smash. Works everytime.

spleen1015

10-10-2021, 10:07 AM

We're a week into this thread and the train wreck hasn't happened yet. Get on it OP.

Izulde

10-10-2021, 10:13 AM

Go with lunch, but make it a picnic lunch. Bonus points if there's blackberries to pick nearby.

Qwikshot

10-10-2021, 07:10 PM

If you like / care about your job I'd advise to simply not go there and look elsewhere

I concur

Swaggs

10-11-2021, 09:44 AM

As much as I'd like to see it work out (and/or hilarity ensue), I agree with not going there. And, if you do, wait until you have done friend-type things for a good while before broaching the subject of a date. It's not worth it to potentially make her feel uncomfortable at work.

tarcone

10-11-2021, 01:56 PM

I met my wife at work and got married 6 months later and have worked in the same building with her for the last 24 years.

NobodyHere

10-16-2021, 03:57 PM

I got a secondary plan:

1. Go to a local bar
2. Admit that I root for the Lions
3. Roll in the sympathy sex

Foolproof right?

NobodyHere

10-16-2021, 06:53 PM

So I'm basically George Costanza: a short chubby balding guy. But at least like later George I have a semi-respectable job.

Remember that episode of Seinfeld where George realizes that he should do the opposite of his instincts? I think I need to do that here.

Fun Fact: I once even drove the same type of car that George did.

sovereignstar v2

10-16-2021, 07:22 PM

You have John Voigt's LeBaron?

NobodyHere

10-16-2021, 07:33 PM

You have John Voigt's LeBaron?

Not the LeBaron, but since I can't say who owned any of my former cars, they very well could've been owned by John Voigt.

cuervo72

10-16-2021, 07:37 PM

I had a '79 LeBaron in high school.

NobodyHere

10-16-2021, 07:39 PM

I had a '79 LeBaron in high school.

I didn't know this thread was about your pathetic life.

I thought it was about mine.

(Sorry, just doing the opposite of what I would normally do)

cuervo72

10-16-2021, 07:42 PM

No, that's good. Girls dig the Bad Boy.

cuervo72

10-16-2021, 07:45 PM

That's it! You should take up bootlegging.

NobodyHere

10-16-2021, 07:45 PM

No, that's good. Girls dig the Bad Boy.

http://i.imgur.com/bRqHm4I.gif

sovereignstar v2

10-16-2021, 07:48 PM

Is that your orthopedic back pillow?

NobodyHere

10-16-2021, 07:51 PM

See above

AnalBumCover

10-17-2021, 09:55 AM

Have the people at work start calling you T-Bone.

Izulde

10-17-2021, 08:53 PM

Have the people at work start calling you T-Bone.

Can confirm this works for getting a first date. After that, you're on your own.

NobodyHere

10-17-2021, 09:08 PM

Can confirm this works for getting a first date. After that, you're on your own.

I would like to hear more of this story

ETA:

I've always been against someone giving themselves a nickname. But in the opposite George Costanza theory, I'm willing to listen to idea.

Izulde

10-18-2021, 08:59 AM

I would like to hear more of this story

ETA:

I've always been against someone giving themselves a nickname. But in the opposite George Costanza theory, I'm willing to listen to idea.

Oh, it was given to me. My name is one that lends itself to the T-Bone nickname. It, coupled with my taciturn nature, made me seem badass and appealing. Got the date with the coworker. It bombed because we ultimately had very little in common, but was still fun.

Dreghorn2

10-18-2021, 11:05 AM

Ok, this whole smallish thread has been interesting but from post 53 onwards it got down right hilarious.

NobodyHere

10-19-2021, 10:44 PM

So I finally decided to check out her facebook page. And I gotta admit it's filled will more political diatribe than I expected since she never speaks of these things in the office. She's what I shall call a "Millennial Democrat" (I created this term). So basically her page has weekly postings of LGQT rights and abortion. Lots and lots of posts about abortion. And this is before the news about Texas. I can work with this except I'm not a fan of the anti-capitalist posts. But if the future sex is good then who cares. She did have Seinfeld and Futurama memes which is an insanely huge positive in my opinion.

Edward64

10-30-2021, 04:59 AM

Inquiring minds want to get a progress report. And ...?

sovereignstar v2

10-30-2021, 08:40 AM

Let me ask you this. Do you think you're sponge-worthy and if so, why?

Izulde

10-30-2021, 10:05 AM

tarcone

10-30-2021, 10:16 AM

Save both of your time now and move on to some other interest. This will not end well for either of you.

Unless she is really hot.

<iframe width="560" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/pInk1rV2VEg" title="YouTube video player" frameborder="0" allow="accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen></iframe>

NobodyHere

10-30-2021, 09:24 PM

Inquiring minds want to get a progress report. And ...?

Well I thought I had a group invite to a restaurant after Friday, but unfortunately my company decided to have a pizza party and I didn't get a chance to push it. I'm trying again for next Friday.

NobodyHere

10-30-2021, 09:25 PM

Save both of your time now and move on to some other interest. This will not end well for either of you.

Well then you tell me what will work for me. Because everything else I can think of will only end like a Detroit Lion's season.

GrantDawg

10-30-2021, 09:29 PM

Go to a bar and be cocky and funny. Easy.

Sent from my SM-G996U using Tapatalk

NobodyHere

10-30-2021, 10:03 PM

Well then you tell me what will work for me. Because everything else I can think of will only end like a Detroit Lion's season.

And despite the passive-aggressiveness of this answer I would actually like a suggestion.

Mota

10-30-2021, 10:08 PM

If you do want to seriously have a chance, I think you need to make something happen sooner rather than later. These windows of opportunity don't last forever. In my younger years, I've seen those sparks of interest disappear if they aren't nurtured. An ex could always come back into the picture, or she could be internet dating, and all of a sudden that flirty look she gives you becomes a co-worker look, and you'll always think back and wonder what could have happened if you had made your move.

And if you do make your move and it doesn't work, move on.

Mota

10-30-2021, 10:13 PM

And despite the passive-aggressiveness of this answer I would actually like a suggestion.

Hey, I'm taking a wine tasting class on Saturday, did you want to come with me?
Hey, there's a cool play that opens this weekend, did you want to come with me?

I would get away from the group activity thing altogether. I've never been on a successful date that also had 6 other co-workers along with me.

NobodyHere

10-30-2021, 10:35 PM

Let me ask you this. Do you think you're sponge-worthy and if so, why?

I can't explain why but I'm kind of Gaga over her

NobodyHere

10-30-2021, 10:41 PM

How does this forum feel about a cold facebook friending?

My instinct is to say that it is wrong but my instincts haven't worked out for me so far.

Brian Swartz

10-31-2021, 01:26 AM

I have zero successful experience but I think it's a situation where I would agree with Mota. I suggest to do something, or don't, but pick one and then move on if it doesn't work out. I wouldn't go the facebook route, I don't see where that would lead anywhere good.

Lathum

10-31-2021, 05:57 AM

This thread is now 4 weeks old. Grow a set already and do something.

Edward64

10-31-2021, 06:01 AM

Oh, don't forget Plan B and C. If she refuses you, need to think of the next thing you'll say e.g. how about next Sat (depending on how she refused)

Lathum

10-31-2021, 06:14 AM

Oh, don't forget Plan B and C. If she refuses you, need to think of the next thing you'll say e.g. how about next Sat (depending on how she refused)

and plan D find a new job

Solecismic

10-31-2021, 06:54 AM

I can't explain why but I'm kind of Gaga over her

Attraction is a funny thing that's hard to explain. I didn't figure out much about dating until I understood that it doesn't work very well if the attraction isn't there.

I'll agree that her facebook page doesn't matter - that's just a function of how she interacts with a small friend group. It's weird that it's all public like that, but social media is still in its early stages of evolution.

I would not try to friend her, though. A friend request accomplishes nothing while giving her an opportunity to view you critically while you're not present. It takes attraction out of the equation.

If this weren't a work setting, you'd just go up to her and ask her out for dinner or something. I get the "how else am I supposed to meet someone" argument, but work is somewhat sacred because she has to be there and it makes people feel unsafe to be approached, one-on-one, at work.

I think the group approach is a good one. Be early. When she comes in, make eye contact and say something to her. If she makes it easy for you to sit next to her (or if you're already there, sitting, and she chooses to sit next to you), then you can probably suggest a later dinner date when she's leaving.

If she doesn't give you a good opportunity to sit and talk during the event, she's probably aware of your interest and doesn't want to encourage you. In that case, you're going to have to let it go.

One of the hardest things to accept about dating is that it's not like a job application. It's a convoluted, mutual dance and if a woman is interested, she'll give you opportunities to ask her out. They're not the mysterious creatures of lore that we build them up to be when we're inexperienced.

If you're feeling hopeless about it, read This Side of Paradise (F. Scott Fitzgerald). Great insights from someone who came to the most ridiculous conclusions (he wrote most of it when he was barely 20).

MIJB#19

10-31-2021, 12:05 PM

and plan D find a new jobThis should be part of Plan A.

Izulde

10-31-2021, 01:42 PM

I would not try to friend her, though. A friend request accomplishes nothing while giving her an opportunity to view you critically while you're not present. It takes attraction out of the equation.

If this weren't a work setting, you'd just go up to her and ask her out for dinner or something. I get the "how else am I supposed to meet someone" argument, but work is somewhat sacred because she has to be there and it makes people feel unsafe to be approached, one-on-one, at work.

I think the group approach is a good one. Be early. When she comes in, make eye contact and say something to her. If she makes it easy for you to sit next to her (or if you're already there, sitting, and she chooses to sit next to you), then you can probably suggest a later dinner date when she's leaving.

If she doesn't give you a good opportunity to sit and talk during the event, she's probably aware of your interest and doesn't want to encourage you. In that case, you're going to have to let it go.

One of the hardest things to accept about dating is that it's not like a job application. It's a convoluted, mutual dance and if a woman is interested, she'll give you opportunities to ask her out. They're not the mysterious creatures of lore that we build them up to be when we're inexperienced.

All of this, pretty much. I'll also add that figure out your strengths/talents and play to them. Every relationship I've ever had, the girl fell for my writing first - whether it was online, in role-playing chat rooms, or in conversations via email or a messenger app, or in the simple passing back and forth of notes in some tedious situation (a speaker, sitting in the university computer lab, etc.)

My sense is that a one-on-one situation to start will be an epic tank - the kind that winds up in a Reddit subgroup or a listicle. Keep it low-key and no-pressure with a group event first. Be the one to organize it and get people to go. Wait until you've got a few yeses from other people first (including some other women). Then ask her and say, "Hey, a bunch of us are going to do X. Person A, B, C, are all already going, and I wanted to see if you wanted to come, too."

NobodyHere

10-31-2021, 05:51 PM

This thread is now 4 weeks old. Grow a set already and do something.

What's the fun in that?

Mota

10-31-2021, 11:55 PM

How about the stealth date?
"Hey, I'm organizing a "blah blah blah" night. What do you think?
If she agrees, then you ask her, should we invite some other people from work?
If she says yes, it's not a date. If she says no, then it's a date.
This would be a way to test the waters. You did mention earlier in the thread that you think she is interested, so I would personally try to advance it based on that. Remember that interest is not an unlimited thing, if she is interested and feels that you're not pursuing her, she may move on emotionally.

Butter

11-01-2021, 07:24 AM

How is this 4 weeks old and there's no update.

Maybe this "I'll send her a note at the perfect time in 2 months after a feeling out period" shit works in high school, but when you're in your 40s (or 30s or 50s or whatever you're in), by the time you do anything about it, she'll be taken.

Do something

Ksyrup

11-01-2021, 08:23 AM

This thread reinforces my thought that if I'm ever single again, I'm just going full-on hermit until I die. Ain't no way I'm wading back into the dating swamp 30+ years later.

Mota

11-01-2021, 08:31 AM

Okay, since you don't seem to like our other ideas, I do have a game changer for you.
Hey, I am starting a new Front Office Football multiplayer league, did you want a team? I'll give you the pick of any franchise you want.
That way you show her that she is a priority for you, and also shows your amazing FOF skills.
The first time my then-girlfriend slept over at my house, she woke up at 7:30 am and saw that I was in my computer room, playing Icewind Dale 2 and Diablo 2, both of which had just released that week.
She married me.

Lathum

11-01-2021, 12:32 PM

This thread reinforces my thought that if I'm ever single again, I'm just going full-on hermit until I die. Ain't no way I'm wading back into the dating swamp 30+ years later.

I have a good friend, mid 40s, divorced 10 or so years, very attractive woman. The stories she has are horrid. I can't imagine trying to wade those waters. she has basically given up.

spleen1015

11-01-2021, 01:44 PM

This thread reinforces my thought that if I'm ever single again, I'm just going full-on hermit until I die. Ain't no way I'm wading back into the dating swamp 30+ years later.

Over the last 10+ years, I have known a few folks through my kid's sports who divorced and a few of them ended up hooking up with other divorced parents within those sports.

I don't think it would be that hard if you were active socially.

cuervo72

11-01-2021, 03:55 PM

Over the last 10+ years, I have known a few folks through my kid's sports who divorced and a few of them ended up hooking up with other divorced parents within those sports.

I don't think it would be that hard if you were active socially.

Heh. Yeah, that's the piece right there that would get me. Now that the kids are out of school, I am home all the time. Now, part of that is because I am not looking and don't need to socialize. Would my habits change if I were "looking?" Who knows. I know wooing the ladies wasn't something I was particularly adept at when I was young.

edit: hell, I'm not really successful at wooing the one who is contractually bound to me!

Ksyrup

11-01-2021, 04:23 PM

Agreed. My last kid is 6 months from HS graduation so there are no obvious social situations for me without inserting myself into something I'm not part of now.

The sports parent dating thing reminds me though - there was a team about 2 or 3 years below my daughter that was run by the stepfather of one of the players. Mom dropped divorce papers in April and completely blew up not only her marriage but the team. Those poor parents were scrambling to try to keep it together or find new teams right as everyone was starting to play.

Marmel

11-01-2021, 05:18 PM

Hey, I'm taking a wine tasting class on Saturday, did you want to come with me?
Hey, there's a cool play that opens this weekend, did you want to come with me?

I would get away from the group activity thing altogether. I've never been on a successful date that also had 6 other co-workers along with me.

This is the best advice you will get. Just do it next time you see her and you will have your answer. If it is a no, it doesn't make it awkward.

Now, having said that, I would never do this to a co-worker if it is any kind of professional job. (Disclaimer: I met my wife when we both worked at a grocery store and I basically told her I have tickets to a Hartford Whaler game this Saturday and asked if she would like to go, but grocery store is not a serious job and I was 22).

Ksyrup

11-01-2021, 05:56 PM

That's my story too Marmel, except we were 20 and she asked ME out.

I would be extremely careful about dating around a job I wanted to keep just in case things went sideways (either immediately or down the road). Although in my specific case, my current boss married a direct report (but he owned the company, so you know...) so I'd probably have a bit of wiggle room.

21C

11-01-2021, 08:54 PM

This thread reinforces my thought that if I'm ever single again, I'm just going full-on hermit until I die. Ain't no way I'm wading back into the dating swamp 30+ years later.
This describes me after my 26 year marriage ended 8 years ago. I "tried" online dating apps but never got anywhere. In the end, I am happy being on my own.

korme

11-03-2021, 11:06 AM

korme

11-03-2021, 11:11 AM

If you want to give the online dating apps another spin, Hinge is based more around serious inquiries instead of frivolous right swiping like Tinder. Might have better luck.

Mota

11-03-2021, 01:16 PM

So the first time your wife slept over, you got up at the crack of dawn to play video games instead of snuggling that body? What in the hell is going on here?

All bodies eventually need sleep, and mine needed less sleep than hers! Still the case, after 20+ years. That's my gaming time.

NobodyHere

11-05-2021, 07:33 PM

Is it kosher to grab her phone number off the workplace call sheet and text her? I really hate my job right now (mainly due to things breaking after hours and having to call various tech supports to get help). I'm extremely worn out right now.

Lathum

11-05-2021, 07:35 PM

NobodyHere

11-05-2021, 07:40 PM

If you want to give the online dating apps another spin, Hinge is based more around serious inquiries instead of frivolous right swiping like Tinder. Might have better luck.

I take a look at it when I finally get to leave work.

lungs

11-05-2021, 07:49 PM

NobodyHere

11-05-2021, 07:51 PM

Classic

Flasch186

11-05-2021, 08:28 PM

Have you literally done any of the things suggested in this thread at all?

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NobodyHere

11-05-2021, 08:55 PM

Have you literally done any of the things suggested in this thread at all?

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I've tried to get a group of co-workers to go to a trivia night at a bar or some other group activity (like dinner after work) but so far no dice. The coworker I'm hitting on is usually enthusiastic but plans always fall apart.

PilotMan

11-05-2021, 09:26 PM

There's your opening.....say, "hey, you want go do a trivia night together since nobody else is interested? I'll buy!"

Izulde

11-05-2021, 09:54 PM

Izulde

11-05-2021, 09:55 PM

There's your opening.....say, "hey, you want go do a trivia night together since nobody else is interested? I'll buy!"

This.

Edward64

11-06-2021, 07:05 AM

Maybe wait on the metaverse?

Scratch that. It'll probably be another 20-30 years.

What will the world look like when you can be whoever you want in the metaverse? (https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/technology/what-will-the-world-look-like-when-everyone-can-choose-their-own-avatar-in-the-metaverse/ar-AAQlWVv?ocid=uxbndlbing)

Flasch186

11-06-2021, 07:46 AM

PMs post is spot on

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NobodyHere

11-06-2021, 07:12 PM

No. Don't do that

Ok, I'm going to ask for her phone number on Monday or else my screen name is not Lathum.

Lathum

11-06-2021, 08:33 PM

Ok, I'm going to ask for her phone number on Monday or else my screen name is not Lathum.

If your screen name was Lathum you would have fucked her already. In the ass.

I may need to visit the drunk guy thread,

NobodyHere

11-12-2021, 04:10 PM

No. Don't do that

So this was the correct call. Not because of any creepiness implications but because our work call list had the wrong number.

But I did get her correct phone number.

Lathum

11-12-2021, 04:14 PM

JAG

11-12-2021, 10:15 PM

Waiting 40 days to call might be a bit long even for the guys in Swingers.

Edward64

11-13-2021, 07:13 AM

No pressure. Timing is everything.

(But if it doesn't happen relatively soon, we'll have to revert to the MSM "how many days since X").

Remember, have that plan B-C-D for what else you will say if she turns you down.

NobodyHere

11-13-2021, 03:39 PM

So is it time to send her dick pics?

Though I don't understand how sending pictures of Donald Trump, Steve Bannon, Sean Hannity, and Majorie Green Taylor advances a relationship.

And if you were expecting pictures of my dick or Donald Trump then shame on you.

sterlingice

11-13-2021, 05:49 PM

Are we sure this thread has an accurate title?

SI

NobodyHere

11-13-2021, 06:06 PM

Not yet, but maybe if Lathum shows us his charms

Lathum

11-13-2021, 07:24 PM

Not yet, but maybe if Lathum shows us his charms

How did I get involved in this?

NobodyHere

11-26-2021, 08:29 PM

NobodyHere

11-26-2021, 08:38 PM

How did I get involved in this?

Don't make me step-mom your throat.

Izulde

11-26-2021, 08:49 PM

Well I gave her a "Happy Thanksgiving" text on Thursday and I got one back on Friday.

Ouch. Yeeted into next-day reply.

NobodyHere

11-26-2021, 08:51 PM

What does "Yeeted" mean

I'm going to assume it isn't good

BYU 14

11-26-2021, 09:43 PM

Don't make me step-mom your throat.

I wanted this to become a thing so badly, glad to see another has kept the memory alive LOL

Brian Swartz

11-26-2021, 10:43 PM

This thread seriously needs to end at this point.

Edward64

11-27-2021, 06:13 AM

Nah, keep at it.

But we gotta see progress, so keep us updated.

Mota

11-27-2021, 12:48 PM

Well I gave her a "Happy Thanksgiving" text on Thursday and I got one back on Friday.

At this point I'm going to troll the local bar of "The Game*" and try to score with the losing team.

*I'm in Toledo which if you didn't know is on the border of Michigan and Ohio. But to be honest I don't know how this is rivalry since tOhio has won every recent game.

I would just get away from the texts altogether. Texts are to remind someone to pick up boxed wine on the way to your place, not a way to start up a romance.

I feel like you got stuck in the same spot because you were afraid of being rejected, but what happened was even worse, because you didn't even try. If at the very worst, you've lost someone who will text you Happy Thanksgiving the day after Thanksgiving, then you haven't lost too much.

Life is all about life experiences, and learning from them. The passive approach (Facebook / texting) is probably something to put in the "tried it / didn't work" bin. Take that and put it in the memory bank for your next opportunity. Act while that spark is still there (IMPORTANT!). When that happens, start up a new thread here, we'll give you suggestions again, and next time don't do the exact opposite of what we say!

PilotMan

11-27-2021, 12:53 PM

Has anyone hit a coworker before?

GrantDawg

11-27-2021, 12:54 PM

Has anyone hit a coworker before?
I have seen a co-worker hit.

spleen1015

11-27-2021, 01:16 PM

Has anyone hit a coworker before?

If you mean hit on....

I dated a co-worker for a month about 20+ years ago. I had just gone through a bad break up. The co-worker and I were already friends and we started hanging out more, going to lunch with a couple other co-workers, etc. She asked me to play in her group for the company golf outing. I learned then that she was interested in me. We dated for about a month and then I ended up getting back together with the ex, who I've been married to ever since.

sterlingice

11-27-2021, 02:41 PM

Has anyone hit a coworker before?

No, but damned if I haven't wanted to. Customers, too

SI

Critch

11-27-2021, 02:56 PM

Has anyone hit a coworker before?

First company I worked for an ex-employee turned up at the Christmas party and hit somebody with a golf club. Ex-employee though, so not doesnt really count.

PilotMan

11-27-2021, 03:30 PM

No, but damned if I haven't wanted to. Customers, too

SI

Speaking of that, back in my restaurant days, I had a waiter run out the back door, and around the building to jump a customer as they were leaving. It was a troublesome family who were rude and demanding in the Bob Evans, and this guy accused them of 'picking on him' from back when he worked at Perkins. They were rude there too I guess. He got fired.

tarcone

11-27-2021, 03:39 PM

https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/c/c1/You_%28TV_series%29_intertitle.png

bhlloy

11-27-2021, 04:10 PM

This is 20+ years ago, but while working at McDonalds in the UK I saw somebody sprint from the back of the store, knock out a customer who was being a dick to our cleaner (who had special needs and everybody was very protective of) and not only did he not get fired, I’m pretty sure the police didn’t even get involved.

Also multiple brawls between staff and members of the local traveler community. That was a hell of a fun place to work until central office sent a manager from London to whip it into shape because boxes of stuff were going missing every day.

PilotMan

11-27-2021, 04:20 PM

Wow bhlloy, what a shit show.

spleen1015

11-27-2021, 04:29 PM

I once worked at a Pizza Hut that was a delivery and carry-out store only. The asst manager would sell food to people after we closed and keep the money.

During one of these situations, he was selling pizza to a drunk biker and his wife. The biker pulled out a cigarette and put it in backwards. He asked the manager for a light. The manager lit the filter and started laughing. This pissed off the biker and they got into a fight over it. The fight ended with the 2 of them going through the front window.

Izulde

11-27-2021, 05:23 PM

Has anyone hit a coworker before?

Assuming you mean hit on, buddy of mine in high school shot his shot with a fellow coworker our senior year when all of us worked in the Computer department at Best Buy. He succeeded, and they're still married however many years later with a kid.

Flasch186

11-27-2021, 06:01 PM

I read that as ...however, many years later, with a kid, and that made sense too unfortunately.

Ksyrup

12-05-2021, 04:32 PM

I don't know the successful way, but this would be the unsuccessful way.

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">Florida man fatally stabbed co-worker who refused to date him: report <a href="https://t.co/Cav2zjWlwo">https://t.co/Cav2zjWlwo</a> <a href="https://t.co/ynwLw4gFb7">pic.twitter.com/ynwLw4gFb7</a></p>— New York Post (@nypost) <a href="https://twitter.com/nypost/status/1467544031831990274?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">December 5, 2021</a></blockquote> <script async src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script>

NobodyHere

12-23-2021, 11:23 PM

korme

12-23-2021, 11:34 PM

Are we sure this thread has an accurate title?

SI

Criminally underrated comment

Well if nothing else I tried to hit on her. At the company Xmas party she decided to sit next to me. After conversation she said she had no New Years plans. I invited her to join me. She said she think about it.

And now, here's the turn! You got this.

molson

12-24-2021, 12:27 AM

Edward64

12-24-2021, 05:43 AM

Well if nothing else I tried to hit on her. At the company Xmas party she decided to sit next to me. After conversation she said she had no New Years plans. I invited her to join me. She said she think about it.

Nice!

But what did you tell her your plans for NY were?

Movie marathon, see the fireworks, friend's party etc.?

Remember to plan for a Plan B if she ultimately says no. "No problem. I am planning to do X in Jan, want to come join me ...". She'll get the idea then and you'll be able to gauge interest.

NobodyHere

12-24-2021, 10:20 PM

Normally I would spend New Years with my parents. However they tend to invite over their church friends who have vocally right wing politics. For example in the past they have a couple over who believe that Obama was born in Kenya. Last year they had over somebody who believed the election was stolen from Trump. They tried to bring that shit up and I,in a tone I'm quite proud of hitting, said "SORE LOSER" and that shut up conversation on the topic. I don't want to limit who my parents choose to invite but I do want to be elsewhere (besides sitting by myself alone on New Years Eve).

NobodyHere

12-24-2021, 10:24 PM

Nice!

But what did you tell her your plans for NY were?

Movie marathon, see the fireworks, friend's party etc.?

Remember to plan for a Plan B if she ultimately says no. "No problem. I am planning to do X in Jan, want to come join me ...". She'll get the idea then and you'll be able to gauge interest.

I did offer to make my famous air-fried home-made pizza rolls

So my "Go to first new post" button has been stuck on this post for months. Nearly every time I hit it, I scroll down to the recipe and say to myself, "I have to make these." I'm intrigued each time, particularly when hungry, but for some reason never remember when it comes time to actually cook.

That is... until Saturday. I was doing a spread for college football day and remembered, so I rushed on here to get the recipe. Sure enough, the button was fixed and now went to the actual first new post. Man, scrolling time...

I changed a couple of things (pepperoni rather than bacon, very light on the seasoning, sprinkled some parmesan on top after they came out), but have to say kudos NobodyHere. They were indeed fantastic.

NobodyHere

12-24-2021, 10:29 PM

Also I will add that as a Xmas present I gave the people in my office (including her) lottery tickets. I hope she won something big because then I can say that she owes me a dinner :p

SienaHigh

01-23-2022, 01:35 AM

are we really letting this potentially epic thread die?!?!?!

saldana

01-25-2022, 06:33 AM

i have been happily dating someone that started off as a co-worker for over 10 years (we arent married because of our various kid situations from each of our first marriages).

we had known each other for years before i ever "hit on her"...when i finally did, i started out very simple...just made up an excuse to call her and chat with her about random social crap.

eventually got to the point of inviting her to group social outings with some common friends and told her to give me a call if she was interested in meeting up with us.

later that day, i stopped by her cubicle unannounced, grabbed a pen and a post-it pad, and when she asked what i was doing, i said that i told her to call me, so i needed to give her my number, smiled, and walked away.

she emailed me multiple times before i even got back to my own desk because she thought it was so charming that she was still smiling and blushing.

we started formally dating a few weeks later and have been together since.

its all about the approach and not being pushy or creepy...i let her make the calls about what we did and when we did it so she was always comfortable with the situation (work and private).

sterlingice

01-25-2022, 09:01 AM

We all would be remiss in our duty if no one asked, so I'll do it: "How's Lathum taking the news?"

SI

saldana

01-25-2022, 11:32 AM

We all would be remiss in our duty if no one asked, so I'll do it: "How's Lathum taking the news?"

SI

some jokes just never get old, lmao!

NobodyHere

07-17-2022, 08:14 PM

ETA2: Georgette is a person who walked with us last week but he got the name wrong. We actually ran into her today by coincidence. And by coincidence I mean she was spying on the Trumper to help her side in the chess game for certain. I didn't get to talk to her much but I can tell you that she is a black woman who laments that she isn't as "woke" as her daughter is. I wish I talked to her more.

Trumper says Chanay started the chess game but I still don't know who he's referring too.

Stayed tuned for next week's episode.

I'm moving my terrible social life to this thread instead of the mental health thread. I feel that thread is for more serious problems

The last walk I had was actually pretty good. I talked with the centaur man "Ted" for most of the walk and it was good. He's basically the guy in the upper 60s guy I want to be. He's a retired CPA and seems to do what he wants to in life. But at the tail end of the walk I was able to talk with an "addiction therapist" Amber (not real name) who I think I may have a connection with. She was the first person to sign up to next week's walk.

Also I was at a coworkers house last week. She (lets call her Corrina) asked me if I was interested in dating the other coworker (lets say Barbara)that this thread was started about. So wonder if Corrina and Barbara have talked about me.

Also Barbara is on vacation this week for her birthday. I was thinking of getting her a gift card for her favorite lunch places and texting her on her birthday.

Any player ideas for me?

ETA: The Trumper didn't talk much this last walk. He was pretty subdued actually.

Edward64

07-17-2022, 08:18 PM

NobodyHere

07-17-2022, 08:22 PM

Is Corrina friends with Barbara? Assuming yes, it seems Corrina is the key. She seems will to "coach" you so somehow followup with Corrina and get her thoughts?

Now if Corrina is just a busy body and no real connection with Barbara, then pass.

They work in the same department. Their desks literally face each other so they can talk to each other freely. My office is across a hallway so I can't hear casual conversations.

NobodyHere

07-17-2022, 08:32 PM

Also I will say that I asked a coworker (lets call him Andrew) about having an intellectually handicapped woman hit on you.

He said to "take the easy lay-up".

Is that good advice?

Edward64

07-17-2022, 08:41 PM

They work in the same department. Their desks literally face each other so they can talk to each other freely. My office is across a hallway so I can't hear casual conversations.

So my vote is have another discussion with Corinna (but don't be creepy).

Just go with "Hey Corrina, I was thinking about what we talked about last week. Yes, I would like to ask Barbara out. What do you think?"

Be prepared for "No, she's not interested in you, you're not her type" and have the "okay, no problem" ready.

If she says "Yes, that may be a good idea", I'd say start with dinner (not at your place on first date) and have a couple suggestions in mind for Corinna to react to "You think she likes Italian/Sushi/Thai etc."

Glad you're getting a second shot at this ...

NobodyHere

07-17-2022, 08:48 PM

Personally I think Corinna wants Barbara and I to date. The problem is that both Barbara and I are both extreme introverts. I will add that Corrina and her husband recently bought a home and I think they want to host large gatherings.

Solecismic

07-17-2022, 10:34 PM

I've worked with people like Corinna before. They like the idea of matching their friends, not sure they have any special insight other than in their own desire to match.

The direct approach is best - both from you and from Barbara. My sense is that if this hasn't happened by now, neither of you is all that into the idea and would only be dating out of a desire to be dating someone. Fine in the short term, not so fine in the long term if that's what you're ultimately looking for.

I think you already know the best answer for Andrew.

Yes, it's a good sign that Amber signed up before anyone else. Direct approach there. If you think there's something there, it sounds like she will make it easy for you to spend more time with her on the next walk.

The Trumper belongs at Corinna's next party. If you're feeling particularly iniquitous, tell him she was asking you how you felt about voting irregularities in 2020.

Mota

07-18-2022, 06:44 AM

I'm moving my terrible social life to this thread instead of the mental health thread. I feel that thread is for more serious problems

The last walk I had was actually pretty good. I talked with the centaur man "Ted" for most of the walk and it was good. He's basically the guy in the upper 60s guy I want to be. He's a retired CPA and seems to do what he wants to in life. But at the tail end of the walk I was able to talk with an "addiction therapist" Amber (not real name) who I think I may have a connection with. She was the first person to sign up to next week's walk.

Also I was at a coworkers house last week. She (lets call her Corrina) asked me if I was interested in dating the other coworker (lets say Barbara)that this thread was started about. So wonder if Corrina and Barbara have talked about me.

Also Barbara is on vacation this week for her birthday. I was thinking of getting her a gift card for her favorite lunch places and texting her on her birthday.

Any player ideas for me?

ETA: The Trumper didn't talk much this last walk. He was pretty subdued actually.

This is a great idea, get into hobbies and make connections with people that way. Also, the more connections you make, the less "desperate" you will seem, and that actually makes you more desirable. There's nothing a woman likes less than a guy who cares "too much". I know because I've been that guy before. Then when i would start casually dating, all of a sudden people's attitude to me would change. I guess I must have been projecting something different.

NobodyHere

07-23-2022, 06:05 PM

Just to update you on my sorry social life:

This weekend my group walk was just me, the Trumper, and another woman. Lets call her Sarah. Usually there are about 8 people but there was thunderstorms in the area and it was a new location so I think that scared people away. I know Trumper showed up just because he shows up to anything. I'm more curious about the motivations of Sarah showing up though. I'm going to show some unusual hubris and say that she wanted to spend more time with me. She is definitely more left-wing politically wise so I doubt she showed up to walk with the Trumper. Honestly though I thought it was a good walk despite the light rain and just the 3 of us. We walked three miles and everyone seemed in good spirits by the end. There were some moments were Sarah got to talk to each other without the Trumper around and we seemed to get along.

Unless someone thinks it's a terrible idea I will invite Sarah to paddle with me on one of the local lakes in my inflatable kayaks. I got a single person kayak and one that can be used for tandem or single.

Flasch186

07-23-2022, 06:59 PM

Too soon! Too soon!

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NobodyHere

07-23-2022, 07:07 PM

Too soon! Too soon!

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Ugh, I was afraid this was the case. But I'm willing to listen to other arguments :p

Along with a walk next Saturday I'm trying to set up a group kayaking session on Sunday. She signed up for it. She is the shy type so it's been kind of difficult to talk to her group setting.

Edward64

07-23-2022, 07:12 PM

Yeah, bring it up next week one on one first before discussing with group and see what she says?

NobodyHere

07-23-2022, 07:18 PM

I was going to ask her over meetup app to she what she says. In a group it is kind of hard to isolate her.

My personal George(Seinfeld reference) says to do what you guys are suggesting. But honestly I think I need to be more aggressive.

Edward64

07-23-2022, 07:24 PM

Don't know all the interactions you've had with her but timing/pace seems okay to me.

If you do get her on a kayak, ask her out to lunch or dinner (not to your apartment!).

NobodyHere

07-23-2022, 07:37 PM

Don't know all the interactions you've had with her but timing/pace seems okay to me.

If you do get her on a kayak, ask her out to lunch or dinner (not to your apartment!).

I live in a condo!(which I own)

Lathum

07-23-2022, 08:15 PM

Too soon! Too soon!

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

No it isn't. Gotta be the alpha. Chicks dig confidence.

GrantDawg

07-23-2022, 09:38 PM

If she is in to you, it is never too early.

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Izulde

07-23-2022, 10:39 PM

If she is in to you, it is never too early.

Sent from my SM-G996U using Tapatalk

Honestly, this. For all the bullshit rules about tImInG, it's essentially she's either interested or not. And that determines everything.

Mota

07-24-2022, 07:36 AM

If she is in to you, it is never too early.

100%! I'd just suggest you plan things in public areas for the first 1-2 dates, just to make sure they feel comfortable.

TCY Junkie

07-25-2022, 02:17 AM

I've been married 4 years. Last night while watching tv together our hands accidentally touched. Thought about a kiss, but didn't go for it.

Arles

07-25-2022, 11:13 AM

Agree with the assertive plan. Even just suggesting grabbing coffee to continue a conversation or low stress hang isn't a bad idea. Lunch/coffee meetups are a great way to feel each other out. It tends to be a little looser (less pressure than dinner) and better suited for good conversation.

When I was last single, three dinner dates never amounted to much - but I met my current wife on what turned out to be a 5-hour lunch date/meetup.

tarcone

07-25-2022, 02:16 PM

Been married to a woman I met at work for almost 24 years. She came in after a couple bad relationships, and I had my own baggage. We were married in 6 months. Been a process, but we have survived.

Be yourself and go after what you want. But remember, you are in the marrying years, so shit or get off the pot.

Kodos

07-25-2022, 02:29 PM

But remember, you are in the marrying years, so shit or get off the pot.

This seems a bit hasty. Let's have a real date before worrying about getting off the pot! :p

tarcone

07-25-2022, 05:04 PM

This seems a bit hasty. Let's have a real date before worrying about getting off the pot! :p

I guess Im saying if you know what you want grab it. I was 31 and ready to get married and start a family and I found a woman who wanted that as well. We learned about each other on the fly and it caused turmoil, but we have come out the other end happier than ever.

NobodyHere

07-31-2022, 06:09 PM

So I organized a 5 mile kayak trip on my meetup group today.

The only people that showed up were 4 women.

Apparently kayaking is an activity that attracts women that I'm also interested in?

Edward64

07-31-2022, 09:10 PM

Er, you left out the most important piece of info/update?

Did Sarah show up?

NobodyHere

08-01-2022, 09:00 PM

Yes she did. She also had her (adult) daughter with her. So I felt it wasn't great flirting time.

Ksyrup

08-01-2022, 09:02 PM

Maybe bringing along a trusted person for an unbiased opinion before moving forward?

NobodyHere

08-01-2022, 09:09 PM

I will also add that Corinna also convinced me to buy Barbara a gift card as a late birthday present.

I bought it and gave it to her but honestly I've given up on Barbara because I just don't know how to get through to her. I've invited her on my group walks but she just says "Thats sounds like a great idea and I'll think about it" but she never shows any more interest.

So either she just hates groups or she is just not interested in me. Maybe I'll suggest something more one on one.

Edward64

08-02-2022, 06:35 AM

Do you think Corinna has already hinted about you to Barbara?

If so, then think the direct approach is best and just ask her out to a weekend lunch?

Flasch186

08-02-2022, 06:43 AM

I don’t agree with E64 about much and can go on and on SO it should mean something that I agree with his above post.

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Solecismic

08-02-2022, 07:44 PM

I tend not to agree with "I rarely agree with..." posts, but I don't agree with either in this case. This is her workplace, too. It sounds like you've done everything but stand on your head to indicate interest, and Corinna's been pushing this as well. I'd leave her alone, imagining that there's a similar "how to (successfully) deflect a co-worker's interest" item on another board somewhere. Unless it's normal for you to give people birthday cards and gifts, I don't think that was a good idea.

The meetups sound much more promising. I doubt someone who took a daughter along, though, is looking to date. That just doesn't parse. The ones who like you will find a way to give you the opportunity to ask them out. And take that opportunity. There's no "play it cool for three meetups before asking" rule. Women signal interest by making it easy to talk to them, then men have to take that initiative. I think it's harder for the women, especially once you're alert to the signs and recognize what they're doing.

And yes, kayaking, for whatever reason, is a female activity. Women know this and I think they're not ideal for finding dates because women who are looking don't want to stand out. We had a lot of varied events in our group - most really weren't for date-seeking, but the ones that tended to draw new people, people who seemed to be looking, were the ones like dinners and wine-tastings and lighter activities where conversation is less interrupted.

NobodyHere

08-02-2022, 08:56 PM

I will add that the daughter was visiting from out of town.

NobodyHere

08-02-2022, 09:02 PM

Btw I suggested to go tubing at the end of the month to Corinna and she is on board with it. (She's has shown interest in doing this since the spring). I asked Barbara and she said she was interested as well.

I haven't been to the place but Corinna has. I guess the place is called Argo Park in Ann Arbor Michigan. Is any FOFCer have any familiar with the place?

Solecismic

08-02-2022, 09:41 PM

Argo Park is on the Huron River, north side of town - long, winding access through the part of town where you'd find the rich and the famous. The city rents out kayaks and such. The river is a little skinnier there, you'd probably tube into some minor rapids. It's a good rec area, not too strenuous. You can always suggest a dinner at Zingerman's afterward. Fairly close, a bit expensive, but a huge menu of sandwiches and lots of room to have a group either indoors or outdoors.

NobodyHere

08-02-2022, 09:47 PM

Corrina suggests that we bring our own tubes. Right now they start at $25 on Amazon. I guess there are some trips that are free if you bring your own equipment.

NobodyHere

08-02-2022, 10:08 PM

Dang, I was going to message Sarah over the meetup app but she's apparently turned off messaging.

Edward64

08-03-2022, 02:43 PM

Dang, I was going to message Sarah over the meetup app but she's apparently turned off messaging.

Hopefully not because you were texting her so much?

NobodyHere

08-03-2022, 03:03 PM

I have yet to send her a private message of any kind.

NobodyHere

08-06-2022, 08:24 PM

Not a good particular week for my walks. Only one woman walked with me. She is a bit older but I did thank her for the "impromptu date". I will add that she is one of the fellow organizers in the meetup.com group.

Izulde

08-07-2022, 11:51 PM

Solecismic

08-08-2022, 01:00 AM

The ones who make it easy for you are the ones who might be signalling some interest. Women don't do that by accident.

I wouldn't read much into the low turnout this week - the weather has been miserable during the last week. I don't even set foot outside unless absolutely necessary. Women want to be their cutest, not sweaty and swatting away an entire aviary of pests.

No on Barbara. I think Corinna is trying to get you fired. Not sure about the others, but a definite maybe from the Trumper.

NobodyHere

08-08-2022, 10:53 AM

Okay, so it's pretty clear Barbara is not AT ALL interested. She's being strictly polite.

Corinna strikes me as a bit of an Emma here. Although it'd be hilarious if she was actually interested in you, and not doing this horrible matchmaking attempt for her own sport (which I suspect it is entertaining for her and the whole reason she's doing it - not that she thinks it has any real hope of succeeding)

Sarah probably isn't looking. I concur with Solecismic there.

Honestly I think there are aspects of me that Corinna likes, such as the fact that I have a calm demeanor and that I don't worry about money. There are also aspects she probably doesn't like (which I'm not going into here).

Also it sounds like her marriage is about to explode. She says her husband is an alcoholic and is verbally abusive. And to top it off they recently bought a home that is a bit of a money-pit. I know Barbara wants her to divorce. I think she needs to also. I have met the guy and he's been extremely nice to me when we've met. However I've never met him when he's had more that 5 beers in him.

So she's basically super-stressed at home and is also stressed at work.

NobodyHere

08-08-2022, 07:14 PM

At what point should a person interfere in a suspected abusive relationship, what actions should a person take?

Solecismic

08-08-2022, 08:45 PM

Go easy, gentle Vronsky. This kind of thing does not end well.

Flasch186

08-08-2022, 11:35 PM

Happened to me once

I was getting played the whole time

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Izulde

08-09-2022, 03:43 AM

At what point should a person interfere in a suspected abusive relationship, what actions should a person take?

Never.

The person being abused is the one that has to take the steps. You can help them take those steps, but do.not.interfere. It will go very, *very* badly.

Izulde

08-09-2022, 03:59 AM

Go easy, gentle Vronsky. This kind of thing does not end well.

Hat tip for the Tolstoy reference BTW

NobodyHere

08-09-2022, 07:43 AM

Happened to me once

I was getting played the whole time

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What happened? If I may ask.

flere-imsaho

08-09-2022, 08:16 AM

What happened? If I may ask.

https://i.imgur.com/gldIVHw.jpg

Flasch186

08-09-2022, 08:20 AM

Not the same scenario but this flere drop is amazing

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Flasch186

08-09-2022, 08:25 AM

… in essence:

Worked with a pretty girl when I was 20
Flirted
Started to be attracted
Told me her home life/husband was abusive
We got closer
Eventually she asked for money to file for divorce
Hesitant and didn’t give her the money as I began to grow suspicious that she was lying
Eventually found out she was also ‘hanging out’ with another person
Realized the husband was a nice meek fellow being run over
I iced her out
Then I went and spilled the beans to husband about everything she was doing to clear my kharma account

It was exciting, immoral, and bad

Taught me a lesson

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flere-imsaho

08-09-2022, 08:26 AM

I checked the datestamp on that and it was 18 years ago, Flasch. 18!

Flasch186

08-09-2022, 08:28 AM

We’re all grown up

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Ksyrup

08-09-2022, 08:47 AM

First thing I thought of when I read this latest turn (a song of course):

https://youtu.be/Y3vrkOqo8A8

sterlingice

08-09-2022, 08:59 AM

We’re all grown up

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We're all older. I'm not sure about grown up

But, man, a flere diagram. That takes me back!

SI

NobodyHere

08-09-2022, 09:06 AM

We're all older. I'm not sure about grown up

But, man, a flere diagram. That takes me back!

SI

Now we just need a NFL WiP!

NobodyHere

08-11-2022, 05:14 PM

Did a mid-week walk this week. Met some interesting people. They were different from the normal fare. One cute woman I was interested in. Maybe I'll pursue her if she shows up to future walks.

Flasch186

08-11-2022, 07:00 PM

“Pursue” sounds weird to me for some reason

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NobodyHere

08-13-2022, 07:38 PM

So I'm really depressed right now. I have a coworker that's with an allegedly abusive husband (she claims he gets drunk and says "I'll kill you") and I'm watching youtube videos of woman who give their life savings to Nigerian men. Yet the US government gives almost a billion dollars to the government.

Where is there a place for me in this world.

Yes I'm drunk and I'm depressed. And I watched the Lions fail last night.

NobodyHere

08-13-2022, 07:40 PM

If only the US didn't spend 1.5 trillion dollars on the F-35 program and spent it on sex dolls. I feel I would be much better off.

NobodyHere

08-13-2022, 07:45 PM

Also I just found out the my representative in Congress is a Republican :(

Mota

08-13-2022, 08:04 PM

Well perhaps you can take advantage of this and join The Right Stuff which is a Conservative dating site! Apparently there are a lot of conservatives in your area.

NobodyHere

08-13-2022, 08:26 PM

Well perhaps you can take advantage of this and join The Right Stuff which is a Conservative dating site! Apparently there are a lot of conservatives in your area.

I have no idea what you're talking about and how it deals with my midlife crises.

Flasch186

08-13-2022, 09:10 PM

Edward64

08-13-2022, 09:10 PM

Something for you to consider.

[url="https://www.aljazeera.com/news/2022/8/4/inside-a-700-year-old-groom-market-in-indias-bihar-state"]
Madhubani, India – In the scorching heat of a July afternoon in eastern India’s Bihar state, a man in his mid-thirties nervously stands in the corner of a field. Wearing a pink shirt and black trousers, he waits in anticipation. It is a big day for him.

Nirbhay Chandra Jha, 35, has travelled more than 100km (62 miles), all the way from Begusarai to Madhubani district in the hope of finding a suitable bride for himself in Saurath, a village famous for its “sabha” or annual “groom market”.

Any moment now, Jha expects a girl’s family to come to him and start negotiations for a dowry. The aspiring groom stands there on public display, with a modest dowry tag of 50,000 rupees ($630).

Izulde

08-14-2022, 01:50 AM

Except that market is literally dying out and attendance is sparse compared to how it used to be

Izulde

08-14-2022, 02:16 AM

Honestly

I think you’ve focused on the wrong things.

If you just really focus on making yourself publicly happy for 6 months I can almost guarantee you’ll have dates and girls. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

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This, pretty much. Happiness breeds confidence. Confidence breeds attraction.

Focusing on getting a woman breeds desperation. Desperation destroys attraction.

There's a reason why so many people get into relationships and marriages after they've stopped looking. They focus on being happy by themselves and that leads to what Flasch described

Hammer

08-14-2022, 04:44 AM

I was single before I met my wife about 10 years ago. I tried Internet dating, worked really well. Just found it to be a numbers game. Dropped 5 short but well thought out messages to women I fancied every night. Averaged around 2 dates per week within 2 weeks. Within 6 to 8 weeks 2 new dates with a couple of 2nd/3rd dates, so out 4 times a week.

Just hitting a strike rate of 2 out of 35 I felt like a college campus stud within no time with all the options. I did find a big difference going on a dating sight I had to pay on rather than a free one. One of the best investments I ever made. Met my wife who was a physio with her own place and no kids. Having dated a lot of people it was easy to see when something special came along.

Edward64

08-14-2022, 05:18 AM

I do agree confidence breeds attraction.

But IMO you do also need to proactively "pursue" vs thinking it'll happened by itself.

Hammer

08-15-2022, 10:54 AM

I do agree confidence breeds attraction.

But IMO you do also need to proactively "pursue" vs thinking it'll happened by itself.

No doubt. If you don't you will just get what you are given. Always makes sense to go after who you really want rather than settle for who likes you. Expect knock backs, happens to all of us.

Mota

08-15-2022, 01:53 PM

No doubt. If you don't you will just get what you are given. Always makes sense to go after who you really want rather than settle for who likes you. Expect knock backs, happens to all of us.

Honestly, for someone who struggles with self confidence, dating sites is probably the best option. I would never have gone to a club and "picked up". But I was willing to write a million messages to women on a dating site, and get a small number of responses back. That's part of being a guy. You have to work for your dates. Women have it much easier, just put up a profile and start screening the good ones, LOL.
But the good news is that once you arrange a date, you at least know you have something in common with them, and there's a "chance". Doesn't mean it'll turn out, but if it doesn't, you move onto the next one. Unless you live in a small town, there's always a "next one" online. After a while, I just started to be myself, and if they didn't like it , it was their loss and not mine. That's when the process started working a lot better, and I eventually met my wife.

MIJB#19

08-16-2022, 02:19 PM

And I watched the Lions fail last night.On the bright side, it was only pre-season.

Izulde

08-16-2022, 11:06 PM

Honestly, for someone who struggles with self confidence, dating sites is probably the best option.

LOL no. Just no.

Response rate by women to men? Less than 1%. And the Pareto Principle holds true for online dating metrics - 80% of the messages/responses from women to men goes to the top 20% of men. Online dating is a sucker's game that actually exacerbates the problem, as the lack of responses/contacts only feeds into the sense of low self-confidence and self-esteem.

Your anecdotal experience is the exception, not the rule when looking at the aggregate data

Hammer

08-17-2022, 12:54 PM

Ah, quite a sweeping statement there. Not saying the facts are wrong. But.

You go in expecting to have a 1/100 strike rate. Your head has to be in the right place going in. When you get a date, again, don't have high expectations. If you have to write 100 messages to get a date, so what. England is dense population wise so those numbers are not a killer, granted it depends where you live.

Couple of key points to making a success of online dating, from my reasonably extensive experience...

1. Pick the right site. Pay money, don't use free sites. You will be dealing with women who are serious. Plus, more often than not, women with money. Women who are "serious" will be more inclined to go for personality. Sure they are almost as shallow as us, but I believe it will help squash that a little. There's me generalizing, some women are actually not shallow at all. Kind of brings me on to my next point.

2. NobodyHere comes across as a smart guy who writes well. Big advantage. Most educated women will prefer a guy who can put a sentence together and are smart enough to recognise a bullshit cut and paste message over a well thought out personal, but light and not too stalkerish one.

Like any hobby, mission or project. There are angles. There are ways to swing this your way if you try harder and play smarter than the next guy.

Lathum

08-17-2022, 02:25 PM

I am happily married going on 15 years.

That being said I would be really curious to see what kind of response I would get on a dating site ( I never would sign up just to see ). A buddy has been on one since his divorce and said there are tons of girls in to beards and tattoos, both I have in abundance. I'm 6-2 and in decent shape for pushing 50. I think I would do OK.

Ksyrup

08-17-2022, 02:37 PM

I've had the same thought, just from reading a few threads on this board from time to time. Entirely out of curiosity - I'd never even sign up, but in an alternate universe, it would be interesting to see how it would go. I mean, I haven't dated since 1991. I had never even heard of the internet or email when my wife and I went on our first date. Dating itself is a weird concept 30+ years later, let alone online.

sterlingice

08-17-2022, 02:49 PM

I'm the opposite. Every time I read about modern dating experience, I think to myself "thank god I'm not out there" and more power and respect to those who are

SI

BYU 14

08-17-2022, 02:50 PM

I guess I am an anomaly as far as dating sites go for sure. After divorcing my first wife I had dalliances with co-workers and women I met at clubs and even a mom of one of my players, none of which are really conducive to anything beyond the causal hookup/FWB (in most cases at least)

So, when I was looking for something more permanent finally I signed up on Match.com. I was on there for several weeks, just browsing, never paying to join, which is required for contacting someone (at least for men) I kept going back on one profile that I found intriguing. Finally I said screw it, paid the 29.95 to join, sent her a message, we had a good conversation soon after and agreed to meet for lunch.

20 years later (17 married) we are still happily together and she was the only person I ever contacted, so 1 for 1 and still the best 29.95 I have ever spent LOL.

Obviously there was a degree of luck in there, but I was also very cognizant of red flags in profiles I browsed when I found a woman physically attractive, while also being aware of potentially outkicking my coverage, which honestly I did anyway, but for me it worked.

Lathum

08-17-2022, 02:57 PM

I'm the opposite. Every time I read about modern dating experience, I think to myself "thank god I'm not out there" and more power and respect to those who are

SI

Oh. I have zero desire be back out there. I am just curious what kind of response I would get. I don't want to actually go through that meat grinder even though I never really had any issues. It just sounds exhausting at this point

Ksyrup

08-17-2022, 02:58 PM

I'm the opposite. Every time I read about modern dating experience, I think to myself "thank god I'm not out there" and more power and respect to those who are

SI

Oh, I have no interest in the actual trying to date someone that way, don't get me wrong. Even if I suddenly found myself single, I'm not sure I'd do it. I'm just saying, the curiosity of my worth as a "free agent" is mildly interesting to me, having just turned 51, in decent shape, stable job, etc.

It's probably more of the thought that, unlike my teenage years when trying to engage with a woman seemed like climbing Mount Everest, it would be like fish jumping into the boat by contrast.

GrantDawg

08-17-2022, 03:09 PM

I'm afraid if I were suddenly single, I would probably stay permanently single. As much as I love my wife, I do wonder if I would even want to marry again. I think I would be happy with a roommate I get along with so I wouldn't be lonely. Of course, I'm ugly enough it may not be by choice.

Ksyrup

08-17-2022, 03:23 PM

I've had the same thought. You know what it would be for me? The entire process/work involved with starting at ground zero in a new relationship and trying to get as comfortable with another human being as my wife and I are with each other. I'm just not sure it's worth it at my age, because I don't think I'd ever get there, or it would be too exhausting to try.

It's like typing an entire paper and losing it in a power outage. I can re-do the entire thing, but mentally, I can't get over the fact that I have to do it again.

Flasch186

08-17-2022, 03:28 PM

I’d just hire help for the kids and be single for a while

Not single to play the field but single because… so much work

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Lathum

08-17-2022, 03:29 PM

I would 100% stay single. Tranny prostitutes only.

21C

08-17-2022, 07:34 PM

As someone who was married for 26 years and now 9 years single, I have given up on dating sites and am resigned to being single for the rest of my life. My success rate on responses was minimal and I didn't have any interest in those that did respond. I value my alone time, even when I was married, so I am pretty happy with my decision.

Solecismic

08-17-2022, 08:35 PM

When I suddenly found myself single again a while back, it was a very different experience. I found myself able to read body language and cues and the dating world made sense.

I preferred the free sites. They make their money from page interactions, so their market is providing a positive, engaging experience. The pay sites make their money directly from the subscription fees, so their market is more focused. The complaints I heard, over and over, were about the number of fake profiles (male and female) and time wasted messaging dormant accounts. People who are "serious" about dating might try either one or both. You can generally tell from a profile who is serious, as long as it's an active profile.

I kept a spreadsheet tracking my approach. Some demographic details, information about anyone I tried to contact. I found that if I stuck to my own age group and education level (by far the two most important factors) and made contact using a short message, but one that indicated that I read the profile, I had a very high response rate (about 50%). I decided early on to limit myself to one new message per week - if it went unanswered, so be it.

The rest of it was rather subjective. A couple of dates, at most, should indicate whether there's any chance of a relationship. Follow Kenny Rogers' advice - know when to fold 'em. If you waste time sticking with something that isn't working fantastic after a couple of dates, think of how bad it's going to feel after a couple of months. Don't be afraid to be the bad guy - the sooner the better. Don't be afraid to tell yourself the truth - introspection leads to growth.

Some things I found out surprised me. Physical attraction was far more important than I gave it credit for. But mostly that it's essential to have a lot in common from a values perspective, whether that's religion or education or budgeting or simply how you treat people.

My second marriage, as we're now in our second decade together, is a world different from my first - and that's because we really got to know each other and were together for the right reasons.

I liked the dating interlude in between, because it was fun getting to know people and gaining the confidence in my social skills. But it is work, if you're going to have a successful experience, and somewhat humbling. If you go in thinking some beautiful thing half your age is just dying to meet you, well, you'll get no responses unless you're obviously very wealthy, and you'll never learn what really works for you.

I'd advise not even looking at profiles outside of five years of your age either way. Also spend some time writing a profile that talks about what you're looking for in dating - write it for the person you want to meet, not the many that you don't want to meet.

Meetup groups aren't bad, either. I didn't find them great for dating (only one relationship the whole time, though that was nice for my confidence as well), but they were great for breaking the monotony of living alone.

Hammer

08-18-2022, 02:40 AM

Solecismic

08-18-2022, 04:49 AM

50% response rate, damn. There is your top 20% guy Izulde mentioned.

Totally different experience on pay sites though. It opened the door to professional, educated women on 6 figure salaries for me. Free sites was largely married women (its complicated), and those who are struggling for money. Oh, don't forget those who just want an ego boost. Just my experience.

On any decent site it will say when the profile was last active.

Totally agree on the age thing. I prefer younger women and it dropped my reply rate when I went that direction.

Never ran into the married issue. Certainly, a few who were divorced too recently, and even one who was widowed far too young, and needed much more time to heal (she brought a photo album on our second date, which would have been funny, but it's not too hard to imagine what she was going through).

I don't think I was unusually successful. I just spent some time figuring out who to contact and how to do it. You don't really know a thing until you meet someone in person, though, so you can't take not getting a response personally. What does feel bad is a first meeting that's so painfully awkward or boring that you start questioning your entire approach.

Though you get some stories with the bad dates. Like the chemistry professor, who I thought would be a great match... she spent the entire dinner talking about who knows what, it was so bad I had to tune out - I could not get a word in anyway. Then she called me within ten minutes of my getting home to read me my astrology forecast. She was genuinely excited that our charts indicated something or other. It was endless. I should have had her redesign the chemistry part of FOF. Though who would think a chemistry professor would believe in astrology? It was maybe the only time I've ever cut off a conversation and admitted I wasn't going to call again.

GrantDawg

08-18-2022, 06:18 AM

I kept a spreadsheet tracking my approach...
Did anyone expect that Jim DIDN'T keep a spreadsheet on his approach? :D

Edward64

08-18-2022, 06:32 AM

I was actually disappointed, I would have expected a mySQL database instead of xls.

Mota

08-18-2022, 01:59 PM

LOL no. Just no.

Response rate by women to men? Less than 1%. And the Pareto Principle holds true for online dating metrics - 80% of the messages/responses from women to men goes to the top 20% of men. Online dating is a sucker's game that actually exacerbates the problem, as the lack of responses/contacts only feeds into the sense of low self-confidence and self-esteem.

Your anecdotal experience is the exception, not the rule when looking at the aggregate data

Maybe I was in the top 20%. I dunno. I feel like I was an okay catch at the time. Good education, decent shape, decent job (for my age). 5'9", not tall but not short. Apparently from what I've heard, height is VERY important. Wish I knew why that was such a high priority. Kinda ridick. Imagine a guy stating that he'll only date women with DD.

For me it was 100 messages, 10 responses, 3 dates, 1 relationship. Things seemed to fit into those ratios. Sometimes it felt like it took forever between responses, and sometimes I had multiple communications going at once.

I'd put a mostly generic post that I'd reuse, but would add in specific lines related to their profile, to show I actually read it and cared. But I wouldn't craft a 2 page masterpiece individually, ain't got time for that.

Also did anybody think about TCY recruiting when they read Jim's post? LOL. Oh, 10 calls left this week. What's her education aptitude? Hopefully she's in the same state. Is she visiting any other prospects this week?

Hammer

08-18-2022, 02:27 PM

Maybe I was in the top 20%. I dunno. I feel like I was an okay catch at the time. Good education, decent shape, decent job (for my age). 5'9", not tall but not short. Apparently from what I've heard, height is VERY important. Wish I knew why that was such a high priority. Kinda ridick. Imagine a guy stating that he'll only date women with DD.

I don't know, I bet most of us have some sort of criteria.

Mine is probably worse than most. Never dated anyone even slightly overweight in my life. 5-3 to 5-9 a must. No kids, even though I have a 14 year old daughter myself. Must be financially solid - not about to half what I have accumulated. Not proud of that, sounds pretty bad on paper. Embarrassing even. But it is what it is.

It does seem acceptable for a woman to say she wouldn't date a short man, bald man or man with bad teeth, yet only on the Internet would I be brave enough to say I wouldn't date an overweight woman.

I am 6-1 and a solid 215 lbs but very average looking in the face. I never had anyone message me that I can recall. Always me making the first move. I suspect a pretty boy face is what would really have them knocking at your door. But I guess all of us are different in what we go for.