US Presidential Combat Tournament

[JPhillips]

Saw this on Bluesky and thought it was the right kind of thing for this board.

Imagine there is a hand-to-hand combat tournament with all of the men who have been the President of the United States. Who wins?

Rules:

Presidents are the same age/weight as the day they first took office.

Presidents are not allowed to use any weapons.

No groin shots, biting, or eye gouging.

One round until knock out or submission.

Random draw of opponents each round.

[HerRealName]

Washington was my first guess but he was 57. Lincoln is probably the best answer. He was a complete badass, both freakishly strong and a good wrestler. I don't think any others would be able to compete with old Abe.

[Passacaglia]

I was thinking Teddy Roosevelt. 42 years old when he became President, and just three years removed from leading the Rough Riders.

[JPhillips]

Lincoln was 56 when he took office, though. I like Grant who was only 46. He was short, but tough as shoe leather.

[JPhillips]

I was thinking Teddy Roosevelt. 42 years old when he became President, and just three years removed from leading the Rough Riders.

He's a solid choice.

[BYU 14]

I'd have to go Teddy Roosevelt or JFK, mostly due to age and military service.

[HerRealName]

I read a book recently on Lincoln's campaign to take Norfolk. The short version of the campaign was while McClellan was farting around on the peninsula, Lincoln planned and executed the taking of Norfolk. He even set foot on occupied land to scout out landing sites.

Anyway, there are accounts of him holding an axe by the blade with 2 fingers for longer than any of the soldiers/sailors. They were all amazed at his strength. Lincoln kicked ass.

Roosevelt boxed a lot but I think he lost a lot of his matches. I'd have to go back and read more on that though. I think he likely does better in a no rules fight.

[JPhillips]

JFK had horrible back problems by the time he took office.

[BYU 14]

Probably have to give Andrew Jackson some love too.

[HerRealName]

Probably have to give Andrew Jackson some love too.

I thought about Jackson but he was physically broken. He nearly died in a fight even before the Cherokee War. A surgeon wanted to amputate it but he refused.

[Racer]

Googling old reddit posts, William Taft seems to be one of the more popular choices after Abe Lincoln and Teddy Roosevelt. Apparently Taft was a wrestler and a bigger guy.

[NobodyHere]

What about one of the Civil War Generals such as Grant or Garfield? They were both pretty young when they became President.

[GrantDawg]

Come on. This is the easiest question to answer ever. Trump would win, because Trump never loses. If it seems like Trump lost, it is because the other guy cheated.

Sent from my SM-S916U using Tapatalk

[Kodos]

I know he didn't win the Presidency, but Walter Mondale was a certifiable badass!

[Ryche]

Teddy pretty easily I think. Boxer and even knew some martial arts. And age on his side as well.

If it was at their peak age, then definitely Lincoln.

[BishopMVP]

I thought about Jackson but he was physically broken. He nearly died in a fight even before the Cherokee War. A surgeon wanted to amputate it but he refused.
What if we did it with groin shots, biting, and eye gouging allowed? I think his chances would go up, he's definitely doing all 3 of those from the jump with no remorse.

[Toddzilla]

Taft is gonna fuck some people up

[JPhillips]

What if we did it with groin shots, biting, and eye gouging allowed? I think his chances would go up, he's definitely doing all 3 of those from the jump with no remorse.

Under those rules I think LBJ does better, too.

[NobodyHere]

What if we did it with groin shots, biting, and eye gouging allowed? I think his chances would go up, he's definitely doing all 3 of those from the jump with no remorse.

If that were allowed then James K would Polk your eyes out!

[Edward64]

Tangential but timely ...

Trump (78) vs Zelenskyy (47)

I think everyone will say Zelenskyy would win. But Trump gets to pick a "champion" and guessing that will be Vance (40).

[GrantDawg]

Zelensky would beat the ever-loving sh*t out of both of them.

Sent from my SM-S916U using Tapatalk

[flere-imsaho]

There's a video floating around today of Vance skiing over the weekend, and the very easy conclusion to make is that sofa boy has no coordination whatsoever.