The job or the girlfriend?
 

Since so much good advice has been offered on this forum, I thought I would toss out my sob story and hear what you all think I should do because I am perplexed.

I have had a long distance relationship with my girlfriend for the past two years. We met online and I visit her as often as I can, usually at least one weekend a month and during my longer breaks as I am a teacher. She also visits me during her breaks since she is in college still. Yes, there is an age difference. It doesn't seem like a big deal when we are together but I suppose 27(me) and 20 (her) is not insignificant. So I think we see each other a lot considering the circumstances but obviously its not the same as living together.

Now fast forward to the present. I really have no family where I live anymore and I am looking to move. She wants me to move to where she lives which is understandable and in many, many ways I really want to. I have 3 job offers there. Unfortunately, allt he jobs dont pay that well and in addition to that I have to pay for my own insurance on a stipend plan. God, I love working in private schools.

Where it gets complicated is my dad is in education and he offered me a job at his school where it pays more, I get insurance and he will give me a job title and more responsibility in a year or so which will beef up my resume and give me considerably more cash. Also, he is willing to have the school pay for my phd.

The girlfriend said she won't move out of her state to be wiht me cause she doesn't want to leave her family, friends or school. Basically she drew a line in the sand and said move her or move on.

So what do I do? I want to be with her, but I also don't want to sacrifice my professional goals and money.I am sure the answer is simple and I am overcomplicating things. Let me know your thoughts.

Job.

Edit for clarification: If she's giving you ultimatums now, she'll pull the same shit every time she wants something different than you want.

I would say job if the money is quite significant. You would be moving towards family too, so couldn't you say the same thing to your girlfriend too?

Paying for your PHD sounds like a very nice bonus though.

Definitely job. Why should you have to give up your family and job and she doesn't have to give up anything?

Job. With the age difference and relative immaturity, you're taking a big risk that may put you in a bad position. Call her bluff and see if she keeps that hard stance. If she backs off, then you can at least work things out. If she doesn't back off, then it wasn't meant to be and as someone else already said, you probably don't want to be in a relationship with her.

Not really sure you should be asking people online about something as important as this.

But since you asked, I'd go with the job.

Every situation is different of course, but based on what you wrote, I would say job. The red flag for me is the fact that she is 20. One would not typically expect someone that young to really (a) know what he or she really wants (b) want to be tied down in a long-term situation right off the bat.

Job job and job. Hands down, take the job offer from your dad. Never compromise your financial/job future for a girlfriend, no matter how hot she is or how cool she is, etc...

She also seems very attached to her family, so, lets say down the line and you decided to stay with her, what kind of opportunities for work are there where she is from? Probably not as good as the opportunity that your dad has presented to you I'm betting.

Or even worse, you do decide to stay with her and the only jobs are low paying and you two can barely make it financially, image the grief she's going to give you because you can't do this or that because you can't afford it.

Establish the career and financial foundation now, then worry about the girlfriend. Just my opinion. Hope it works out for the best for you.

I don't want to be a pessimist, but at 20, there is a really good chance she won't stick around anyway. Every case is different, but stats are against you guys staying together long term. So, be a realist and think about where you'll be 6 months to a year from now when you are no longer together. If you're ok with that (even after going through the trouble of moving close to her), then do it -- otherwise go with the job.

Job.

Dola - and what is it that is tying her to where she currently lives? Head of a major corporation or something?

i think to really decide (and i'm dissapointed no one has brought this up yet) we need

pixplzkthnx

Job.

in all seriousness-ness though i vote job too, much like everyone else.

Job, unless she is very good at giving jobs, in which case I might have to think about it.

Oh yeah, job all the way.

seriously, how come everytime someone on this board asks for advice on something importamt to them someone else chimes in with a comment like this?

There is a diverse group of people here and you have the ability to gain alot of different perspectives on an issue, I see nothing wrong with that.

As for your situation job is the obvious answer to me. Her age is an issue as well as her being stuborn. It seems to me the logical thing to do is her to move where you are since there is more oppritunity there for your future. Build yourself a resume for a few years then you are able to have alot more options, including moving closer to her family in a few years.

The prolem with someone who is 20 is they are living in the "now" not thinking about whats best for their long term future.

definitely job

The girl...











Just joking - the job, easy.

Job. If the relationship was really that important to either of you, moving wouldn't be an issue.

Definitely the job. Not only is it wrong for her to give you an ultimatum, but she is completely unwilling to move for you so you can have a better opportunity, yet expects you to move to her and give that opportunity up? No way...take the job, dump the girl.

Any time a girl is that interested in her family that she would want to choose being close to them over being close to you, I think you gotta bail. I wouldn't break up or anything, but if she loves you she will try to move closer and make it work. But at age 20 it's probably a safe bet that it isn't going to end well.

dola-
If you already have 3 job offers where she lives, it's quite possible that you could still find a better job nearby/closer to her, which would be the best of both worlds. Job and a woman.

Rather than just one more answer... here's a slightly different perspective.

You probably wrote that first post intending for it to be as balanced as possible, trying to not bias the responses. If you thought this was a very easy cal, you wouldn't bother asking for input.

And even given that effort to make it appear like a fair question... look how people have responded. Not 2-to-1, not even 3-to-1... but universally for "job." Maybe, in addition to telling you that's what people probably think in such situations (and I'd agree, incidentally) there's also something coming through in your presentation, even if it's unintended. Your description of the job opportunity is pretty positive, your description of the girl is unflattering. I don't think you did that on purpose... but that's how it reads. Maybe there's something to that in itself.

From where we sit, this is a no-brainer. If your brain is making the call here, it stays that way. Doesn't mean it will be easy to do, though.

Good luck, regardless.

In this case, I would say job.

(But, doesn't mean I would always say job over girlfriend...)

Hmm... on the one hand, you have a situation where you spend all day being told what to do, following orders, and basically being stripped of your individuality in order to please your superior, which will last until they don't need you anymore and boot you out the door without a second thought.

On the other hand, you have a job.

I'd go with the job.

If you have to ask, the answer is "job." When the answer to this question is not "job," it won't even be a question.

I'd offer my opinion, but I don't want to be accused of piling on.

get "some" before you tell her your decision

Job. At 20, most people don't know shit. I didn't know shit when I was 20. In fact it's generally not til around 25 that people really figure out who they are, where they're going and what they want to do.

To me, an ultimatum of this level may sound selfish on her part, but it really allows you to take the job without any difficulty, because the line she's drawn... if you choose her over the job, you'll hate her on some level for the rest of your life for making you give up a great opportunity.

This way, a red-flag relationship can end peacefully and move on, with only pleasant memories for both.

I agree with Quiksand. Look at this like you would look at movie reviews. If you go to Rotten Tomatoes, and half the critics love a particular movie, and half the critics hate it, or even a third of the critics hate it, you can't really conclude whether or not to see the movie purely based on the reviews. However, if EVERY critic enjoyed the movie, or hated the movie, you'd probably be wise to act accordingly.

VOTE JOB

I got to second this answer.

I also agree with QS on this point. The way the question was phrased was fairly slanted... but perhaps you slanted it because that is how you see it. If so, the choice is fairly clear cut. Either way you decide to go, good luck!

Once apon a time, I put a woman 1st, my career 2nd. Long story short, Choose the job.

Exactly. This wouldn't even be a question if the relationship was serious enough that you should consider the girl over the job. Also, long distance relationships are very different in many ways from more conventional relationships. Those two factors make it so that the job should win out in a landslide.

LWSFS: You must be really cocky and funny

Job.


This is very thoughtful, and along the lines I was thinking after reading the first post, so I'll try to add more, but somewhat different.

There's a trite saying that "marriage is about compromise." Now, I know you're not married to her, but frankly, there's a growing number of people in solid long-term relationships who aren't married, so I don't think it's beyond the pale to change the phrase to "long-term relationships are about compromise."

But what is compromise? Well, in this context, I don't think it's actually compromise, per se as most people think of it. I'd like to believe that when someone's in a healthy, long-term relationship, each partner would, due to love & respect, be willing to support and sacrifice for the other, within reason.

By way of example, take my wife & I, who have been together for over 10 years and married for almost 5. When we moved to Chicago, about 7 years ago, we did so largely because her friends & family were in the area and having that support network for her was important as we both re-started our careers after grad school. I wouldn't say I was necessarily thrilled with the choice, as I'm not a fan of big cities, but it was definitely the right choice for her and, upon further reflection, the right choice for us.

Now, however, we're both of the mind that if either of us got a great job offer not in the area, we'd be happy to go together and support each other. I think it helps, at this point, that we've got the same idea of places we'd live and not live, but the point is that our priority is to do what's best for each other and, most often as a result, for both of us together.

And that's the point, really. When the relationship is strong and well-founded, I feel there doesn't need to be a lot of this "drawing a line in the sand" stuff. Each partner is willing, out of love & respect for the other, to make changes and sacrifices for the good of the other, because the balancing of the good of the both is, ideally, for what you're striving, as a couple.

To bring this back to QuikSand's post, my initial reaction is that I'm just not seeing this kind of thought process from either of you in your original post. Given that, I'd have to say my advice is to take your career over what appears to be (as others have said) a likely non-permanent relationship.

Ditto...tough lesson learned.

I'm changing my vote. I hate anything being unanimous.

this is just my opinion...

I would be reluctant to take this job. You would be putting both your dad and yourself in a very bad spot if any coworker decides to scream favoritism. Just the fact you are being offered more then your apparent market would make me uneasy.

as always YMMV.

QFT

i think he might be saying the school in general pays more than other local schools (or schools where he might go). and perhaps paying for the phd is something they do for everyone?

When I was 24 I did the long distance relationship thing with a 20 year old college student. She really wanted me to move near her and find a job. The opportunities were not there and I found a decent job away from her. We broke up soon after. Since then I've discovered that my career options were pretty good and the girl wasn't a perfect match. Things worked out great and I'm glad I didn't just blindly follow the girl.

I am just guessing without knowing all the details.

I just wanted to throw out the issue of taking a job offered by a close relative.
It may or may not be an issue to consider.

j-o-b.

If you move somewhere specifically to be with a woman you better hope it works out. If it doesn't, then you're living somewhere you don't want to be, working a job you really didn't want and you don't even have what you went for in the first place.

Long-distance relationships generally don't last when you actually get together anyway...

LWSFS...one more vote for job...but it can still include girlfriend.

Obviously I only know what you've written, and no more. That said...this sounds like a "like you" relationship, as opposed to a "love you" relationship. Currently she has friends & family who she "loves" & would have to move away from that. Same for you. Regardless of whether you both say "love you", it sounds like "like you" is a little more appropriate term...and you should never change your lifestyle or goals for "like you".

EDIT: If you take your opportunity, and let her finish school & continue to see each other when possible...then see where things take you & whether you both feel the same way about your circumstances. But it sounds like the ultimatum is that she doesnt want to leave now, under current circumstances...not that you both should stop seeing each other. That's the route I'd take.

I'm sure there is probably more to it than that, so good luck with things, hope all works out best for you.

I'll spin it a bit differently:

Jobs can be a dime a dozen. I've chosen happiness over money several times in my career. Of course, I'm a game developer, so YMMV ;)

I hate making career decisions based solely on money / benefits / etc. That is one aspect, but will you like the job? If not, you're just moving on in a couple of years anyway when you can no longer stomach it.

If this girl is "the one" (or whatever you want to call it), you might be making a huge mistake to take a job that you'll ditch in a couple of years anyway and doing away with the relationship.

Of course, if she is that special, the original question would have been phrased "The job or the fiance/wife?". Her ultimatum sounds far more to me like "I'm sick of the long distance thing" than anything else.

FWIW, I met my wife while at school when I was a Senior and she was a Sophomore. I hung around after my graduation, taking a job in the area waiting for her to graduate. We got married shortly after we graduated, are still together 12 years (of marriage, 17 years of knowing) later, and have 2 beautiful kids. Once we got married, we decided together where to move for jobs, etc.

So my response: if you see her as a girlfriend, take the freakin' job you want. If you see her as potential Mrs. WhiteFoxFan, move to her, accept the job issue, and find out. If it doesn't work out, you can job hunt again. Remember the adage "I was looking for a job when I found this one."

Chalk another one up to "job" based on the description you gave.

I have only read the first post in this thread, but my gut tells me to go "job." As a female, and as a romantic, it's hard to say that, but I gotta believe that if this was going to work/is going to work, it won't be because you sacrificed a better job. A couple I know that just got married met when she was down here randomly for school (on a trip, not a long-term thing). Thy ended up dating, mostly long-distance, getting to see each other once a month ish (she lived in Canada, he in Maryland). In the end, they got married this past weekend.

If it's gonna work, it's gonna work.
If not...well, that happens too

/tk

Whoa... You're a chick?

Does that mean I gotta start putting pants on around here?

Only if you want to. :D

/tk

I haven't read any of the comments on this page, but I'll give my standard advice on this type of situation:

If you are even having trouble making this decision, then this girl isn't the one for you. If someone truly loves someone else, they're willing to sacrifice important things for them.

In this instance, if you give up the job stuff for her grudgingly, it will just create strife and resentment in the future, and that's definitely not a good foundation for a healthy, happy relationship.

You know many guys named Kristen?

How about a pic to help us with our advice?

Why do you need a pic of the man to help?

I always picture him to look like La Marr Hoyt:

If you're asking the question, you know the answer, you just don't want to deal with it.

Job.

job. Two reasons.

a). If you even have to ask whether its the job or the girl, then its the job. Moving for a chick should only be done in those cases where it is automatic, without a doubt, without hesitation what you know you should do. Since you don,t, take the job.

b). A good girl will work it out abd understand you. You want the job. Take it. If she understands, then she gets you, she grokks you even. If she doesn;t get it, then she doesn't get you. Important to know that now.

BTW,

I still hate wage slavery, and think it's the opposite of what life should be about, but if it ain't true love, it ain't worth anything, because eventually you'll get tired of fucking her, and then you'll get tired of talking to her, and then you'll get tired of seeing her face. So don't choose it over anything unless it's super-duper-can't-live-unless-she's-around love.

First things first, I appreciate the Lamarr Hoyt reference. Wherever possible, its always important to interject the white sox in all possible social situations. For instance, many of you were as thoughtful as Tony LaRussa, as candid, funny and honest as Ozzie Guillen and a couple were just plain Terry Bevington.

But I really want to thank everybody for their comments and advice. I never thought I would ask such a personal question on a message board, but its nice to hear people who have unbiased, and thoughtful opinions.

In my original post I probably minimized how much my girlfriend means to me because I would hate to do that and then hear people say pick the job anyway. She is the most important person in my life and to be fair we have been doing the long distance thing for two years. Also, to look at jobs where she lives. get job offers for all of them and to possibly turn them all down is kind of a jerk thing to do on my part.

I talked to her on the phone and now I am leaning to go to where she lives. I realize this is the exact opposite of what everyone has said. However, is it really worth it to make more money but then not be happy? Who is to say I can't eventually get promoted at some other job near her? I guess its logic vs love or as some would joke logic vs libido.

Anyway, thanks again for the advice. I really do appreciate it. I have to make a decision by Friday or Monday, so I will let everyone know what I decide then.

Key point in your post is that it has been a long distance thing. Have you all lived together at all? I can appreciate that a 27 year old guy likes a 20 year old girl that he gets to talk to and knock up every now and then, but you're making an awfully big commitment to a person that you may not even get along with if you have to see her 24/7. Living with a person and dating them long distance are two totally different situations.

If you want to give it a try, great. But sign a short-term rent/lease contract to start and have a back-up plan before you head into the situation as to what you'll do if things don't work out. You don't want to be in a situation where you move, regret it, and have no way out.

Since I changed my vote, does this mean that I won?

So, wait...if you decide to move near her, does that make the job your dad offered St. Petersburg, and the girlfriend New Comiskey?

(Fellow White Sox fan here, obviously.)

He's a goner.

Not at all surprising. Everybody has to learn their own lessons.

That was my thought as well. I had two friends do something similar to what he's doing right now. Amazingly similar situations as the girl wanted them to move to their location and get a job there. Both of them had moved back and broken up with the girl within a year after living with the girl and quickly realizing the girl drove them nuts (and not in a good way).

I have a feeling we'll have an update in the not too distant future and he'll be begging Dad for that opportunity.

I'm really hoping that LWSFS becomes one of those exceptions to the rule that you sometimes hear about. But I wouldn't put any money on it.

Just wait until he sees Camden Yards - she's a goner!

My take on this is that if this is something he can recover from fairly easily - it wouldn't kill him to have to find another job elsewhere, pack up, and move again - then it might not be that huge an issue if things don't work out with her. Her age definitely would scare me more than anything - my wife was extremely dependent on family when we were dating, but after we got married and she lived only a few hours from them, she got to the point where she made an easy transition to moving out of state. But that took time, and maturity.

In any event, good luck.

Word. If it's your dad's school, won't the job be there next year?

Now that the serious part of this thread is over (until LWSFS posts his decision), I'll threadjack slightly to say that I actually do know a guy named Kristin (same way I spell mine). I knew him in a previous life at University of Maryland, and ran into him this past week, turns out he just started working where I work.

/tk

whichever sucks less... no, wait.... whichever blows more... no.... I got nothin

Funny, most people with MPD have different names for the other personalities... but then again, most don't stalk their other selves either! :D

Job - if the relationship was the 'one' then I don't think you'd even be asking the question (and she wouldn't be issuing ultimatums about where you'd live).

I know a guy named Crispin. I'm sure you all do.

And now the thing is....you'll never know! ;) ;) :D ;) :p

/tk

To be quite honest I'm really pleased you've made up your own mind and are currently leaning towards 'bucking' the suggestions ... with any major decision its important to do what you believe is best regardless of the 'general' opinion (I've made a lot of decisions my mom/day thought were insane - including moving to work in the games industry ;)).

QFT. Imagine yourself miserable in your new higher-paying job a year from now. You'll be lying on the couch at 12am on a Saturday night, chip crumbs on your chest, 9 MGD's down, watching another shitty SNL and thinking, "Fuckin FOFC."

You're 27, which means you still have plenty of time before you're too old to be moving around in careers. And like someone else said, if you move and you find out she's not for you, or if she decides you're not the one for her when she graduates, I'm sure your dad could find a spot for you down the road.

Good luck.

By the way, the lack of a "The job of the girlfriend" parody thread is an upset of Buster Douglas proportions.

Ahhhh, the thread. Interesting to look back and see my frame of mind and all the helpful advice.

Well a small update a year and a half later because I know everybody is just dying to know what happened.

I moved to be with her and things were great. There were small disagreements, but I didn't think anything out of the ordinary and we had fun and all that crap. Unfortunately, I disliked my job intensely. There was no discipline or structure at the school and although I was the favorite of all the kids, its hard to take pride in being better than a turd sandwich.

So by the middle of last year once again, my dad says he has a job for me. She threatens to break up with me if I move, but I tell her this will help plan our future since it would really help money wise and career path wise. Plus she was set to graduate in june 2008.

So after a ton of tears and a ton of ultimatums, she said she would try to work things out but no guarantees. So I visit her every month from August until now, sometimes twice a month and things seem to be going fine and although she doesn't seem excited to move to where I am, I chalked it up to nerves.

Three weeks ago I start getting signals. Looking back these were massive signals but I was too *ahem* retarded to notice them. She began waitressing a whole lot more, going to parties a whole lot more and calling a whole lot less. I chalked it up to she was graduating soon and wanted the last gasp at the college life. However, I became needy because she told me everything was fine, yet I could tell on some level things weren't.

Now here is where I become a complete moron. What convinced me everything was fine was that she asked me to help pay for a voyager on ebay. Logical sap I am, I thought to myself well if things were going badly or if she really is avoiding me she wouldnt ask me to do this. So I pay for half (150 bucks) and go to thanksgiving at her familys.

When I get there she basically refused all *intimate* contact. The first night I understood because I got in late and shes not an object (at least I dont think she is). The second night was a little iffier. We were in her parent's place so that was her excuse, but that never raelly stopped us before.

The third night we are all alone in her place. She refuses again. So then I press her. It comes out that she was never happy that I moved and that she is stressed because she is graduating soon. All that I get. She moved up her graduation date so she could be with me by January. And she doesn't think she wants to move to be with me.

So the logical person that I am, I said that I would move back with her and get a new job and live with herbecause she is the one who makes me happy. In response, she tells me she has been flirting with another guy at work and although she would never date him, she likes the attention and it confuses her. I go nuts because I now find out that he also gave her a gift and has been saying that he loves her.

Long story short cause I can still go on, we decided it best that I leave early. I casually mentioned that maybe she should pitch in on the itinerary change fee...she wasn't interested.

Since her graduation is coming up in a week, she asked if I would still go. See we still hadn't officially broken up yet because I was holding out hope. So I said if you begin calling more and making an effort then I will go to graduation. Then she told me she loved me and basically forced me to say I loved her (which I do but didnt really want to say it at that point)

So the past two days she has called but basically the conversations have been short. She never asked how I was feeling knowing that I wasn't eating or sleeping when the news hit because I was so shocked. Then after the phone calls she would say she was glad we were talking. Not during. and I basically got the feeling she was using me just to get me to come to graduation. I suppose so she doesnt look bad with her family or friends?


This morning I wake up to see that she removed my name from her hobbies on facebook and although she didnt break up with me she removed our relationship status from the front page to the back page.

So I finally ended it on facebook (god I love technology) and then we had a long IM conversation where she was focused on me going back on our "agreement" which i suppose was if she called me I would go to graduation. Even though she pulled this crap on facebook. Like an idiot I said we could still be friends and a lot of other things were said, but she wasn't listening and did not respond to that offer. She logged off and I am pretty sure we are never going to talk again.

So I guess waht I am saying is maybe you guys were right :-)

Yay. FOFC wins, again.

Sorry to hear about how it ended. Take solace in the fact that other people have broken up in worst terms for stupider reasons.

You know what when I read this thread not realizing it was old I was going to chime in that she is cheating on you. Then I read your post and well I am not surprised.

At least you aren't left wondering if it would have worked out with her or not in the future ...

(feeling positive this morning so had to find some good in things for you ;) )

FWIW, no one is happy that they were right. However, it is good to know that the lessons that many of us learned several years ago still hold up in today's times. :)

You'll find someone else where it clicks and realize that you're better off for the experience. No harm done as you didn't get married or have kids.

Cringer after a shave? ;)

SI

This is very true and my beautiful wife and two great kids would agree. Take heart many a person has been "scarred" in much worse breaks.

Had you dumped her for the job you would have wondered every day of your life about her and probably would have done something really stupid later on. At least this way you went down the "what if" path got it over with early on.

Being the crotchety old cynic that I am - the girl is never worth it. Even when you think it was/is worth it - just know that you are wrong and it is your loins that are thinking for you.

Pick the girl!! Oh... wait... um... nevermind

But at least it worked out for you in the end, where you got the job your dad originally offered. So you ended up better than most in this situation.

I know you are probably in a bad mood, sad mood, depressed mood or just in a general funk, but I got to say something about this one line.


LMAO.

Ok, got that out of my system.

And seriously, DON'T talk to her. Don't be friends with her. Completely cut contact with her. Don't make the same second biggest mistake I ever made. You've already done the first one, I highly recommend not doing the second. It will get in the way of you possibly finding someone else because some days you'll convince yourself that maybe things will end up great between you in the end after all and that you need to keep yourself free for when the time comes. Don't be that guy!

As an aside, a year or so ago, I saw an episode of Scrubs where Doctor Cox has this little throwaway line of "Aw, Ted, don't be that guy" and it's gradually worked it's way into my vernacular (with his cadence and delivery). The phrase "don't be that guy" is just so versatile

SI

It became part of my arsenal of catch phrases after watching the movie PCU.

"You're wearing that to the concert? You're wearing the shirt of the band you're going to see? Don't be that guy."

Ultimatums are always a red flag. I would actually vote for the girl in some situations, but in this case, I am solidly in the job column.

Sad it came to this, but glad you're able to move on, now. Best of luck. :D

Also, I just showed the perils of responding on page 1 of a 4-page thread.

New advice. Cut off all communication with her from here on out. It's time to close this chapter. Trying to leave things open will only expose you to more pain.

Heh. I thought the exact same thing then, but since I was in the middle of going through it myself, I decided I was just projecting.

But more importantly, to continue the theme of my earlier posts: Since I voted both ways, do I win twice?

Long distance relationships usually do not work, to much temptation and its usually the party whose idea it is to try it out that cheats.

I probably shouldn't post this, but what the hell. Like I said god bless technology.
ME 8:24am: i ended our relationship on facebook if you didnt notice
her 8:24am:
just now?
ME 8:25am: in the morning
her 8:24am:
oh ok
her 8:25am:
i was going to do it last night
her 8:25am:
but iwanted to talk to you first
ME 8:25am: so anyways
ME 8:25am: hope things work out for you
her 8:25am:
wtf?
her 8:25am:
why are you being like this
ME 8:26am: its just i think its best that we both have space
her 8:26am:
ok
her 8:26am:
so are we not talking now or what?
ME 8:26am: i think its best that we dont
her 8:26am:
so i guess youre not coming this weekend
ME 8:27am: i think it would be awkward
her 8:27am:
wow, ok
ME 8:27am: i mean lets face it
ME 8:27am: you were going to end t he relationship last night
ME 8:27am: so w hy would i come
her 8:27am:
no i wasnt
her 8:27am:
i was going to ask you
her 8:27am:
if we should leave it
her 8:27am:
or put its complicated
her 8:27am:
or what
her 8:27am:
i didnt know what you wanted to do
her 8:27am:
but apparently you wanted to end it
ME 8:28am: well why couldnt you leave it alone
ME 8:28am: you hid it on the front page
ME 8:28am: and you removed me from your interests
ME 8:28am: without asking me
her 8:28am:
thats different
ME 8:28am: how is that different
her 8:28am:
because i can change my interests if i want
ME 8:28am: well ok
her 8:28am:
why are you getting all upset
her 8:28am:
i thought we came to an agreement
ME 8:29am: im not upset at all
ME 8:29am: i just think its clear that you dont feel the same way about me
ME 8:29am: so its time to move on
her 8:29am:
i told you i needed to figure stuff out
her 8:29am:
and if youre goingto back out on me
her 8:29am:
when i probably need you most
her 8:29am:
then it will be done
her 8:29am:
for good
ME 8:30am: well thats fine. this was your choice
ME 8:30am: you never drew the line with giovanni
ME 8:30am: you stopped saying you loved me
ME 8:30am: you changeed the facebook profile without asking me
ME 8:30am: im not an idiot. i get it
her 8:30am:
i thought it would be easier for you if i didntsay i love you
ME 8:31am: no i wanted to hear it
her 8:31am:
and how do you know what i did with giovanni
ME 8:31am: i dont know
her 8:31am:
well im sorry
her 8:31am:
i waited for you to say it
her 8:31am:
to see where we were
her 8:31am:
but whatever
ME 8:31am: well i dont understand why
ME 8:31am: you didnt make more of an effort. i asked you to
ME 8:31am: and you really didnt
her 8:31am:
ask me to what?
ME 8:32am: well like after work
ME 8:32am: we talked and your like ok im going to sleep
her 8:32am:
so?
her 8:32am:
umm
her 8:32am:
i could have hung out with him last night
her 8:32am:
instead
her 8:32am:
i went home
her 8:32am:
called you
her 8:32am:
so we could talk
her 8:32am:
i dont see how thats not an effort
ME 8:32am: i just feel like
ME 8:33am: if i went to graduation
ME 8:33am: i wouldnt be going as your boyfriend
her 8:33am:
well i guess i was wrong thinking we were still something
her 8:33am:
atleast friends
ME 8:33am: i thought so too
ME 8:34am: but i get the feeling you need to explore and see what else is out there for you
her 8:34am:
ahahha
her 8:34am:
is that not what i said?
ME 8:34am: well yeah
ME 8:34am: but
ME 8:35am: if thats true
ME 8:35am: then i cant be your boyfriend
her 8:35am:
or my friend?
ME 8:35am: i cant say no to friendship for whatever reason
ME 8:35am: but
ME 8:36am: ill be around if you need me to be around
her 8:35am:
thats not fair
ME 8:36am: how is that not fair
her 8:36am:
because
her 8:36am:
i thought we had it figured out
ME 8:36am: we can still talk
ME 8:37am: im just saying i dont think i can just wait on you
ME 8:37am: i still hope it works
ME 8:37am: believe it or not
her 8:37am:
how is it going to work
her 8:37am:
if youre not going to wait
her 8:37am:
or if youre just going to giveup on me
ME 8:37am: well i probably will wait
her 8:37am:
well dont
her 8:37am:
cause youre messing it up now
ME 8:37am: i didnt mess it up
ME 8:38am: this was your choice
her 8:37am:
i know
her 8:37am:
but we had anagreement
ME 8:38am: but i guess the thing is
ME 8:38am: you got to live your life in the agreement
ME 8:38am: i didnt
her 8:38am:
ok
her 8:38am:
fine
her 8:38am:
whatever
her 8:38am:
i have to go
ME 8:38am: ok bye

She seems nice. Not selfish or self-centered at all.

I miss the old days where relationships weren't figured out on facebook.

Believe it or not, these types of things help. Especially when shit gets rocky, the stuff that's put out to all the friends and people you barely know ends up being much more true than what is said to the significant other.

I had an ex-girlfriend, who when we were going through a real bad time, changed her MySpace status from "In a Relationship" to "Single." Her explanation was that designation is just for people who are engaged, and since she wasn't she was technically single. I told her to fuck off.